I hate Facebook replies like this!

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[Starr]

I'm with you! Grieve with your friends and God will support you.

[Mimm]

I agree. I've always felt like telling someone who just lost someone dear and irreplaceable to them that God did this to you for some unknowable reason that only he knows is a good way to get people to hate God. If you lost a child, what possible "reason" could there be that would make it ok? No, there's nothing ok about it. It will never be ok. Some things in life are stupid and random and senseless and horrible. God may comfort you through them and cause good things to come out of a horrible situation but God does not kill off people's children in order for those good things to happen.

[DawnM]

That is a cop out and trivial response when someone has no clue what to say. I can't stand it.

 

I can guarantee you that if this were to happen to one of HER children she would NOT appreciate a "God has a plan" answer.

 

You are catching me at a particularly bad time though. I cringe at "christianese" speak these days.

 

Dawn

[Xuzi]

A-freakin'-MEN!!! I'm not one of those "Everything happens for a reason" type people. Sometimes things just HAPPEN!

I agree. I've always felt like telling someone who just lost someone dear and irreplaceable to them that God did this to you for some unknowable reason that only he knows is a good way to get people to hate God. If you lost a child, what possible "reason" could there be that would make it ok? No, there's nothing ok about it. It will never be ok. Some things in life are stupid and random and senseless and horrible. God may comfort you through them and cause good things to come out of a horrible situation but God does not kill off people's children in order for those good things to happen.

:iagree:

[fairfarmhand]

I cringe at "christianese" speak these days.

 

Dawn

 

 

whatever happened to "I'm so sorry for your loss." Please people sometimes it's better to JUST SAY NOTHING!!!

[Tangerine]

Ah, yes. Chalk that up there with the "something was probably wrong" miscarriage response. Blech,

[*lifeoftheparty*]

I agree. I've always felt like telling someone who just lost someone dear and irreplaceable to them that God did this to you for some unknowable reason that only he knows is a good way to get people to hate God. If you lost a child, what possible "reason" could there be that would make it ok? No, there's nothing ok about it. It will never be ok. Some things in life are stupid and random and senseless and horrible. God may comfort you through them and cause good things to come out of a horrible situation but God does not kill off people's children in order for those good things to happen.

 

:iagree:

 

 

I'm hoping that post just gets "lost" underneath all the other posts and she never actually has to read it. It's SO HARD for me to not comment on it though..... I don't keep my mouth shut very well.... especially in cases like this.

[Rebecca VA]

Yep, I'm on your team. I always envision a criminal coming up to rob and murder someone, but telling them beforehand, "Oh, sorry I'm going to kill you, but hey! God has a plan!" Or, "Sorry things aren't going your way, Rebecca, but (smile! smile!) God has a plan!"

 

That, and "I'll be praying for you!" (when you knew they're really happy about your bad news and have no intention of praying).

[ThatCyndiGirl]

When I miscarried someone said,"Well, at least you never got to know the baby". (early miscarraige) Maybe THAT fact was part of the grief!

 

When my brother died my aunt said that he just "wasn't willing to embrace his healing". :confused:

 

When his daughter (my niece) died many years ago that same aunt said,"Well, God knew that she wanted to be an actress so this was probably His way of keeping her safe". :confused:

 

People are idiots. I always feel like I don't know what to say, either, so I usually say, "I'm so sorry for your loss". :grouphug:

[KRG]

I agree. I've always felt like telling someone who just lost someone dear and irreplaceable to them that God did this to you for some unknowable reason that only he knows is a good way to get people to hate God. If you lost a child, what possible "reason" could there be that would make it ok? No, there's nothing ok about it. It will never be ok. Some things in life are stupid and random and senseless and horrible. God may comfort you through them and cause good things to come out of a horrible situation but God does not kill off people's children in order for those good things to happen.

 

:iagree:

[linguistmama]

That's terrible! Often there are no words so I say that I am very sorry for their loss.

[Lisa in Jax]

Sadly, these kinds of comments are among the reasons I no longer feel comfortable going to church.

 

When I was in college and my father died, I had a slew of people write or say these kinds of things to me. It made things SO MUCH HARDER. Mimm's comments are right on. I didn't feel comforted. I felt *abandoned* by God.

 

Saying these kinds of things in praise of God can backfire unexpectedly, too. When I got pregnant "naturally" after five years of secondary infertility, doctors, treatments, etc., -- after being told we had no chance of ever getting pg again, and we'd slowly come to terms with being a one-child family -- a family member congratulated us by saying something like, "See? It was God's plan. You just had to wait for it to happen."

 

Four months later, when I miscarried the baby, her words were stuck in my head. Was the loss God's "plan," too? Really? Thankfully, she didn't say it when I lost the baby.

 

I'm sure there are people who're comforted by such proclamations, but IMHO, it's rude and insensitive to say things like that unless you are 100% SURE that the person you're talking to will be comforted.

 

I'm sorry for your aunt's loss, and sorry that other people's insensitive comments hurt her -- and you.

 

Lisa

[TravelingChris]

You know what, Cyndi? That is exactly what you should say. IF someone is a Christian or from some other religion that prays, they can graciously add that they will pray for the family on the occasion of their loss or some such statement.

 

To the op, I am so sorry for your family's loss of such a young life. I will pray that God brings his healing touch to your family.

[elegantlion]

I hate stupid comments like that. My dh's father died when he was 9 in a freak car accident. Dh has grieved his entire life, he's 50. So that was God's plan? To lose his dad so young? To leave his mom a widow with five children?

 

I know some people would say it was the plan so that my dh would know the yearning for a father, a heavenly father. Can I just hold up the BS sign now? My dh has hard a horrid summer, the worst of his life according to him. It's brought a lot of feelings about losing his dad. We're reading Dante right now, and his pain sounds more like a circle of hell than God's divine will, which some would argue is God's will as well. Crap happens, people die and it sucks. Whoa, guess that's my sore spot today too.

 

I'm sorry for you loss and I'm sorry for insensitive comments.

[KungFuPanda]

Ugh. That's the worst thing to say to ANYONE. In my experience, it's usually only said by those who haven't lived through tragedy in their immediate family.

 

The other one I HATE is when people tell you that they couldn't do what you're doing. Like they were somehow excused for being incapable of handling your burden. REALLY? How nice for you :glare:

[Mimm]

When I miscarried someone said,"Well, at least you never got to know the baby". (early miscarraige) Maybe THAT fact was part of the grief!

 

When my brother died my aunt said that he just "wasn't willing to embrace his healing". :confused:

 

When his daughter (my niece) died many years ago that same aunt said,"Well, God knew that she wanted to be an actress so this was probably His way of keeping her safe". :confused:

 

People are idiots. I always feel like I don't know what to say, either, so I usually say, "I'm so sorry for your loss". :grouphug:

 

:blink::glare: People have a hard time dealing with death I guess... but wow.

 

The whole "God plans everything" concept has been the single most destructive idea for my own faith. Till I finally came to the conclusion that it was just dead wrong. You would think it would be easy to come to that conclusion but when it's been pounded into your head every step of the way your entire childhood, it feels like a major step to question it. I was seeing God as this scary person who might plan any number of horrors for my life in order to "teach me something".

 

Anyway, I digress. I think I could rant about this for far too long. But I really am sorry for your loss, OP and your aunt's loss.

[angel marie]

i know. i think that people really don't know what to say. just their silent presence is comforting such sad incidents as these.--and is more that enough.

[Aelwydd]

I'd like to add the "God won't give you more than you can handle" statement. I hate it, have always hated it, and find it a perverse and terrible thing to say to people going experiencing grief or terrible stress.

[mamajudy]

Amen, to all these comments! People should learn when to keep their mouths shut! I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

[EmilyinND]

I'd like to add the "God won't give you more than you can handle" statement. I hate it, have always hated it, and find it a perverse and terrible thing to say to people going experiencing grief or terrible stress.

 

:iagree: When we experienced a still birth, someone said, "Oh, well, you're young, you can have another one." As if they are all replaceable. We also heard that it was "God's will" It is so hurtful!! When emotions are so raw a meaningful,"I'm sorry." is sufficient and truly appreciated. Some feel like those words aren't enough, but really they are.

[TranquilMind]

Anyways, one of my aunts friend's wrote on her Facebook wall that while she didn't know the niece, she was very sorry for my aunts loss, she was in shock, etc. Then this: "I don't know why god does things that he does and I know that it is sometimes very hard to understand but know that he always has a plan."

 

I absolutely, positively H-A-T-E it when people say/post things like that!!! As a Christian, I do NOT believe that God intentionally causes innocent people to die in freak accidents as part of his "plan". And even if I DID believe that, I wouldn't say to someone grieving, "I'm sorry God killed your loved one, but don't worry, he has a plan." :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:

 

 

You are totally correct. God, who is the author of all good things, the giver of LIFE, and the Way, the Truth and the Life, always gets blamed when people die, as if He did it. We live in a fallen world where freak things happen. We also have an enemy, Jesus says, who seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

 

So, you really don't know what happened when it happens, not on this side of eternity, anyway.

 

Get this: I had a woman say to me at a funeral of a young man once, as I stood by his casket, "Too bad he killed himself. Now he won't go to heaven." Ugh. As if killing yourself, which goes against everything in man that seeks self-preservation, couldn't possibly be mental illness or be forgiven. As if killing yourself is THE unpardonable sin (it most decidedly is NOT).

 

I had to straighten a few people out on that one over the years, unfortunately. Another young relative was extremely upset when his young new Baptist pastor friend told him this about his Father who had apparently (facts are unclear) killed himself. Good going there, pal.

[TranquilMind]

I was seeing God as this scary person who might plan any number of horrors for my life in order to "teach me something".

 

.

 

This one idea right here has been one of the most destructive lies that unknowledgeable church people/leaders have ever perpetrated on the church.

[Rivka]

I'd like to add the "God won't give you more than you can handle" statement. I hate it, have always hated it, and find it a perverse and terrible thing to say to people going experiencing grief or terrible stress.

 

Did you ever read When Bad Things Happen to Good People? He offers a translation of that one: "If only you were a weaker person, your child would still be alive."

 

I think people are so threatened by grief and suffering that they try to push them away any way they can. "It's really all for the best/all God's perfect plan/could have been much worse/think of people suffering in Africa" aren't ways to make a victim feel better - they're ways to make the comforter feel better, so they don't have to look deep suffering in the face.

[keptwoman]

Did you ever read When Bad Things Happen to Good People? He offers a translation of that one: "If only you were a weaker person, your child would still be alive."

 

I think people are so threatened by grief and suffering that they try to push them away any way they can. "It's really all for the best/all God's perfect plan/could have been much worse/think of people suffering in Africa" aren't ways to make a victim feel better - they're ways to make the comforter feel better, so they don't have to look deep suffering in the face.

:iagree: and I love the translation, how true!!

 

One of the main issues I remember from when my Dad died was multiple people said to my Mum, who had just lost the man she had adored for 25 years, variations of "there's plenty more fish in the sea". Un.believable!! And couple friends ran like my Mum, grieving for her husband, would be a threat to their marriage.

 

Unless I've got something more specific to say, I stick with "I'm so sorry."

[twoforjoy]

That would bother me, too. At the same time, I think that's the kind of thing where you need to look at the intention behind the words, because I think it's one of those things people just say/write without thinking and are intending to convey something that they aren't conveying.

 

I think "I'm so sorry" just doesn't seem enough for people, or maybe seems too trite. I don't know. I think usually that's about the only thing you can say.

[kalanamak]

A-freakin'-MEN!!! I'm not one of those "Everything happens for a reason" type people. Sometimes things just HAPPEN!

 

 

 

I feel sorry for such people, but I feel even sorrier for myself when I hear this junk.

[Birdwinglips]

To the OP, so sorry for the loss your family/friends are going through. Prayers have been sent up.

 

As parents of a child with special needs (very physically obvious) we call these remarks "bathroom cross stitch". And that is where they belong, in the bathroom with the rest of the crap!

 

I have always hated the comments, "God never gives us more than we can handle." (which by the way is NOT in the bible), "I could never do what you do." or the worst, "God has special rewards in Heaven for parents of special needs kids." Really, and you know this how? Again, not biblical. Not helpful either.

 

I would much rather someone say, "You know it really sucks to have to deal with what you do each day. But from the outside looking in, you handle it so well. But please, let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help out."

 

Anyhow, I try and show grace as I know folks just can't understand sometimes, and don't know what to say. But a simple, I am sorry, I am here for you, I am praying for you or what can I do to help are by far the best!

[Ginevra]

I agree. I've always felt like telling someone who just lost someone dear and irreplaceable to them that God did this to you for some unknowable reason that only he knows is a good way to get people to hate God. If you lost a child, what possible "reason" could there be that would make it ok? No, there's nothing ok about it. It will never be ok. Some things in life are stupid and random and senseless and horrible. God may comfort you through them and cause good things to come out of a horrible situation but God does not kill off people's children in order for those good things to happen.

 

Too true! Exactly why this statement doesn't work for me, either.

 

When I miscarried someone said,"Well, at least you never got to know the baby". (early miscarraige) Maybe THAT fact was part of the grief!

 

When my brother died my aunt said that he just "wasn't willing to embrace his healing". :confused:

 

When his daughter (my niece) died many years ago that same aunt said,"Well, God knew that she wanted to be an actress so this was probably His way of keeping her safe". :confused:

 

People are idiots. I always feel like I don't know what to say, either, so I usually say, "I'm so sorry for your loss". :grouphug:

 

:svengo: That that could even come out of someone's mouth...But I believe it, as I was told when my baby died, "Well, you don't know what kind of sin she might have gotten involved in later in life; maybe this was God's way of sparing her ****ation." Oh. That's such a comfort. :001_huh:

 

Sadly, these kinds of comments are among the reasons I no longer feel comfortable going to church.

 

When I was in college and my father died, I had a slew of people write or say these kinds of things to me. It made things SO MUCH HARDER. Mimm's comments are right on. I didn't feel comforted. I felt *abandoned* by God.

 

Saying these kinds of things in praise of God can backfire unexpectedly, too. When I got pregnant "naturally" after five years of secondary infertility, doctors, treatments, etc., -- after being told we had no chance of ever getting pg again, and we'd slowly come to terms with being a one-child family -- a family member congratulated us by saying something like, "See? It was God's plan. You just had to wait for it to happen."

 

Four months later, when I miscarried the baby, her words were stuck in my head. Was the loss God's "plan," too? Really? Thankfully, she didn't say it when I lost the baby.

 

I'm sure there are people who're comforted by such proclamations, but IMHO, it's rude and insensitive to say things like that unless you are 100% SURE that the person you're talking to will be comforted.

 

I'm sorry for your aunt's loss, and sorry that other people's insensitive comments hurt her -- and you.

 

Lisa

 

:iagree: Even "answered prayer" is hurtful in a way, because it inevitably make one wonder why their prayer was not answered, why their child was not spared. In one of my more bitter moments, my mother credited God with saving the life of my sister's dog, not long after I had lost my child. I yelled in agony, "Does God save dogs and let babies die?!" It still stings to think about it.

 

To the OP: I am so sorry about this tragedy and sorry for the horrid comments, too. :grouphug:

[Trish]

This is not the first golf cart accident of this type that I've heard of. (fortunately the last kid of my acquaintance only has slight residual effects from her brain injury, but was in the the hospital/rehab a LONG time). Golf carts look so safe, but they're really not.

[Tree House Academy]

In these posts, I see a lot of misconception. I don't think your aunt's friend was saying "God killed her to fulfill his plan." NO! I don't think that is what any Christian means when they say something like that!

 

God doesn't cause the pain and suffering in this world. Sin does. God DOES have a way to turn harm into good and to use it to bring others into His kingdom. While I think the friend worded her post a bit wrong and definitely posted it at the wrong time, the thought that God can turn my sorrows into GOOD makes me smile. Will it take away the hurt from the loss of a loved one? No. But will it Glorify His name and save souls...maybe!

 

My grandfather died when I was 11 after a long battle with pancretitis. It was horrific for our family - he was only 65. I have grieved for him all of my years since his death. I spent a time being angry with God for taking him from us. However, people have come to us in the years after his death and told us things about how my grandfather touched them during his stay in the hospital. His doctors and nurses drove 3 hours to attend his funeral. He brought people to Christ. He was humble and precious...and God shared him with all of those people during his final days here. While it still hurts so much that he is gone, I can see the good that came from the tragedy. That is what I believe your aunt's friend meant by her post.

Edited September 24, 2011 by Tree House Academy

[Tree House Academy]

I have always hated the comments, "God never gives us more than we can handle." (which by the way is NOT in the bible),

 

You are right. That comes as a misinterpretation of 1 Cor 10:13. God is talking about temptations...he will never allow us to be tempted to the point where we have no escape. The verse says, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

 

Even so, I also believe that "I can do all thing throughs Christ who strengthens me." If I call out to God and allow Him to carry me through the troubles, I can bear many things - much more than I could bear alone.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

In these posts, I see a lot of misconception. I don't think your aunt's friend was saying "God killed her to fulfill his plan." NO! I don't think that is what any Christian means when they say something like that!

 

God doesn't cause the pain and suffering in this world. Sin does. God DOES have a way to turn harm into good and to use it to bring others into His kingdom. While I think the friend worded her post a bit wrong and definitely posted it at the wrong time, the thought that God can turn my sorrows into GOOD makes me smile. Will it take away the hurt from the loss of a loved one? No. But will it Glorify His name and save souls...maybe!

 

My grandfather died when I was 11 after a long battle with pancretitis. It was horrific for our family - he was only 65. I have grieved for him all of my years since his death. I spent a time being angry with God for taking him from us. However, people have come to us in the years after his death and told us things about how my grandfather touched them during his stay in the hospital. His doctors and nurses drove 3 hours to attend his funeral. He brought people to Christ. He was humble and precious...and God shared him with all of those people during his final days here. While it still hurts so much that he is gone, I can see the good that came from the tragedy. That is what I believe your aunt's friend meant by her post.

 

 

I see your point, and I hope that is what the friend meant :)

 

Thanks everyone, for the prayers. Like I said, I wasn't close to her at all, haven't seen her in YEARS, but it's still sad.

 

Just last month, one of the guys that I graduated high school with went to a football game with his brothers and friends. Apparently, he and his brother were goofing off in the parking lot and he fell, cracked his skull open and died a few hours later. It was horrible, b/c of course, the brother blamed himself. The guy was only 30 years old! An Air Force Vet and he owned an electric company. Now this.... she was just riding in a golf cart for goodness sakes!!

 

It scares me to realize just how fragile life is.

[angel marie]

To the OP, so sorry for the loss your family/friends are going through. Prayers have been sent up.

 

As parents of a child with special needs (very physically obvious) we call these remarks "bathroom cross stitch". And that is where they belong, in the bathroom with the rest of the crap!

 

I have always hated the comments, "God never gives us more than we can handle." (which by the way is NOT in the bible), "I could never do what you do." or the worst, "God has special rewards in Heaven for parents of special needs kids." Really, and you know this how? Again, not biblical. Not helpful either.

 

I would much rather someone say, "You know it really sucks to have to deal with what you do each day. But from the outside looking in, you handle it so well. But please, let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help out."

 

Anyhow, I try and show grace as I know folks just can't understand sometimes, and don't know what to say. But a simple, I am sorry, I am here for you, I am praying for you or what can I do to help are by far the best!

 

i love the bathroom cross stitch. i'll have to remember that one.:lol:

[Carol in Cal.]

To the OP: I agree with you completely. The only reliably right things to say in that kind of situation are "I am so sorry," "I am praying for you," and/or "Here is a hot dish." Or variations thereof.

 

Death is in the world because of sinfulness in general, not usually because of anyone's specific sins. Death happens but it is not God's perfect will. Jesus cried when Lazarus died, even though He was about to raise him from the dead. I believe that He is next to us in our grief and does not deplore it, and that grief does not show lack of faith. God brings good out of bad for His believers, and my opinion is that we should pray to see it clearly, but that doesn't mean that He wills the bad. Ridiculous, and very hurtful.

[Laurie4b]

It's worse when people insert God into it, but awkward people say awkward things to grieving people all the time. It's not necessarily a religious thing. It's mostly a control thing on behalf of the awkward person: if I can minimize your grief to myself in some way, I am not obligated to share your pain and that lessens my load. Some people use religion to shield themselves from hurt; others come up with their own stuff.

 

I had a friend who, at the receiving line following her dh's memorial service, had someone to tell her that she was still young and good looking--that she'd get another one soon. Like dh's are just replaceable and that would cheer her up.

[abbeyej]

I am so, so very sorry for the loss of this young woman. A similar accident took a young woman who was intimately connected to my family a few years ago. It was so shocking and horrible and her friends and family grieve for her even now.

 

That poor baby, losing her mother like that... :(

[Joker]

I want to offer a different perspective. Maybe the person that wrote that has been through something horrible themselves and needs to feel that way to go on. I lost my dad and brother in a car accident and, honestly, I need to feel God had/has a plan. People grieve in so many different ways and, for me, I need to feel there was a purpose. It's always comforted me when people share that same opinion. My mom is the same way.

 

That said, I usually don't offer up that opinion as condolences because many don't have the same view. I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

[Guest IdahoMtnMom]

That is terrible... my MIL passed away on Friday and I cannot imagine anyone saying that to us.

 

I was very sick last fall... and they didn't know if I would live or what my long term prognosis would be... there was a charge nurse at the long term care hospital I was in... his name was Al... and I was having a bad day... kind of half pity party and kind of half dilaudid induced paranoia (LOL) and he sat with me to try and convince me to take my pills and essentially told me it was OK if I died because if I did, it was God's will... to just give myself to God and trust he knew what he was doing. OMG OMG OMG... I believe that, BUT I DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR THAT WHEN MY WILL TO LIVE WAS NON-EXISTANT!!!!!!!

[gardenmom5]

whatever happened to "I'm so sorry for your loss." Please people sometimes it's better to JUST SAY NOTHING!!!

:iagree:

 

At my mother's memorial service I was flabergasted by a conversation with the wife of my father's best friend. She talked about how devestated her husband had been by my fathers death. Yeah - tell me about being devestated by his death. (/sarc.) I was his daugther and I was 12 when he died. My life changed significantly with that event, and not for the better. Sorry, he was NOT "devestated".

[gardenmom5]

You are right. That comes as a misinterpretation of 1 Cor 10:13. God is talking about temptations...he will never allow us to be tempted to the point where we have no escape. The verse says, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

 

Even so, I also believe that "I can do all thing throughs Christ who strengthens me." If I call out to God and allow Him to carry me through the troubles, I can bear many things - much more than I could bear alone.

 

that doesn't mean we can't get ourselves in over our heads. After all, If we are taught to avoid something, and go into it, whose fault is that? if we go into it and have our little voice telling us to leave NOW, but don't, whose fault is that? if we don't heed the warnings, eventually we live with our choices.

 

I got a chuckle (which is unfortunately far too true) out of the "story" of the guy whose house was in a flood evacuation zone. He didn't leave, because "god will save me". The authorities sent people around to get those who haven't left out, but he refuses to leave because "god will save me". after the flood, rescuers come by in a boat, but he doesn't leave because "god will save me". The waters continue to rise, and he climbs on his roof. a rescuse helicopter comes by, but he refuses becasue "god will save me". He gets to the pearly gates, and wants to know why god didn't save him and St. Peter responds, - "god sent a warning, god sent an actual person to warn you, god sent a boat and a helicopter to rescue you - what were you waiting for?"

[jakesask]

I'd like to add the "God won't give you more than you can handle" statement.

 

I never can fathom what people are thinking when they say this, because it's clearly untrue. Lots of people ARE given more than they can handle . . . all the people starving to death in the world have obviously been given a situation they can't handle. And people who develop serious mental health issues (i.e., have a "nervous breakdown") after some occurrence in their lives have also clearly been given more than they could handle.

[scrapbookbuzz]

It's often difficult to know just what to say to someone who has lost someone near and dear to them. I often think most people, when trying to comfort someone, should mostly just shut up. If they feel they really need to say something, the best thing to say would be, "I don't have any words to make it all better. Just know that I'm thinking about you."

[keptwoman]

:iagree:

 

At my mother's memorial service I was flabergasted by a conversation with the wife of my father's best friend. She talked about how devestated her husband had been by my fathers death. Yeah - tell me about being devestated by his death. (/sarc.) I was his daugther and I was 12 when he died. My life changed significantly with that event, and not for the better. Sorry, he was NOT "devestated".

I'm sorry that that person saying that hurt you. I do feel though that it shows that it's pretty hard to win and perhaps even what I would consider safe comments will hurt someone so best say sorry and nothing else. I could never imagine that having been something bad to say, I'm shocked to be honest!

 

I say this as a person who also lost her father young, older than you but still only 19, too young, then my Mum 4 years later. But I also lost my best friend when we were in our mid 20's. And yes, I was devastated, definitely, categorically, devastated. Our mothers were best friends, and her Dad died only 6 months after my Dad. I think of my best friend, dead 15 years now, probably more often than I think of Dad and at least as much as I think of Mum. And I think of my best friends mother, and how much loss we share, often. Only she lost her daughter and I'm not sure I can ever match that devastation, I think it would kill me.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

I am so, so very sorry for the loss of this young woman. A similar accident took a young woman who was intimately connected to my family a few years ago. It was so shocking and horrible and her friends and family grieve for her even now.

 

That poor baby, losing her mother like that... :(

 

Thanks :) It made me incredibly sad to think about the daughter not knowing her mom too. The family requested photos from people who are coming to the service(s) and is asking them (while there) to write out any stories or memories they have of her. My aunt and her sister are going to use all that stuff to make her (the little girl) a scrapbook :)

 

Freak accidents always affect me more than any other death. It just scares me b/c I think.... that person was having a normal day, doing normal stuff; they had NO CLUE that this was their last day on earth, KWIM? So, any day could be my last..... I could go anytime.... that's S-C-A-R-Y!!

 

Of course, then I follow that thinking with.... If today WAS my last day on earth, how would/should I spend it? It always makes me happy that I'm often home spending time with my child and husband. Or that we are off doing something together. The important part is that we are TOGETHER. Not once have I thought, "Oh crap, it's my last day, I need to go get a job so I can buy a bigger house and fancier car!!"

 

Obviously, my brain has a bad habit of following rabbit trails.... my brain is Alice in Wonderland.

[Stacie Leigh]

Yep, I'm on your team. I always envision a criminal coming up to rob and murder someone, but telling them beforehand, "Oh, sorry I'm going to kill you, but hey! God has a plan!" Or, "Sorry things aren't going your way, Rebecca, but (smile! smile!) God has a plan!"

 

That, and "I'll be praying for you!" (when you knew they're really happy about your bad news and have no intention of praying).

 

 

My MIL, who is a very nice lady, "comforted" me after a miscarriage by saying, "When I was young, we didn't go out and buy a pregnancy test at the drop of a hat. You probably wouldn't have even known you miscarried if you hadn't taken a test so early." I was 8 weeks, but whatever.

[CountitallJoy]

My 7 year old son was shot and killed by my landlord in 1995. My other son was 6. You would not believe how many times I heard "at least you have another child" offered as words of "comfort." People truly are clueless.

 

Granted, my surviving son was the one and only reason they did not bury me with my child that day, but still.

 

I will never forget standing by the little white casket at the wake and a sister of my then-stepfather came beside me and said something about God..in an attempt to comfort, and I absolutely went off on her - in front of God and everybody. I was reared an atheist, and you can believe that at that moment, I had absolutely no desire to know any God who would take my baby so senselessly.

 

I have now been a Christian since 2006, and in my heart, I do believe God can and does use evil for good. However, it is not something I would ever say to anyone who did not specifically ask for my feelings on the matter. I cannot imagine that even the most devout Christian would find comfort in the idea that their loved-one's death is somehow part of a divine plan.

 

:grouphug: I am so sorry for the tragic loss of this young woman.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

My 7 year old son was shot and killed by my landlord in 1995. My other son was 6. You would not believe how many times I heard "at least you have another child" offered as words of "comfort." People truly are clueless.

 

Granted, my surviving son was the one and only reason they did not bury me with my child that day, but still.

 

I will never forget standing by the little white casket at the wake and a sister of my then-stepfather came beside me and said something about God..in an attempt to comfort, and I absolutely went off on her - in front of God and everybody. I was reared an atheist, and you can believe that at that moment, I had absolutely no desire to know any God who would take my baby so senselessly.

 

I have now been a Christian since 2006, and in my heart, I do believe God can and does use evil for good. However, it is not something I would ever say to anyone who did not specifically ask for my feelings on the matter. I cannot imagine that even the most devout Christian would find comfort in the idea that their loved-one's death is somehow part of a divine plan.

 

:grouphug: I am so sorry for the tragic loss of this young woman.

 

That is heart breaking!!! :grouphug: I am very sorry you had to live through such tragedy :( I can not even imagine the pain.

 

If you don't mind my asking.... did the landlord go to jail for a very, very long time?

[CountitallJoy]

That is heart breaking!!! :grouphug: I am very sorry you had to live through such tragedy :( I can not even imagine the pain.

 

If you don't mind my asking.... did the landlord go to jail for a very, very long time?

 

Thank you. Yes, he was arrested that night and has been incarcerated ever since. It took nearly 5 years to go to trial, but when it finally did, he was convicted and sentenced to Life without the possibility of parole.

[gardenmom5]

My 7 year old son was shot and killed by my landlord in 1995. My other son was 6. People truly are clueless.

 

.

 

 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.