Help me get over myself.

[Denisemomof4]

Let me start this off by saying that this attitude I'm having is not typical for me. I don't need anyone to flame me for what I'm feeling or how I'm acting. Really I don't. But I can take some good ole constructive criticism on this issue. Input and advice is wanted/needed!

 

Last year was a tough year for my dd at swim. The coaches daughter would purposefully set my dd up to do something wrong, then proceed to hop out of the pool to tell her mother what my dd did. I can't really remember specifics but one example would be when the kids were warming up and doing lap swim, she'd swim in front of my dd and tell her that she was just too slow for her. When they got to the other end of the pool, dd would go back into her spot, then the girl would jump out and tell her mother that my dd went in front of her, my dd would get in trouble. Another time they were doing something called the log roll. The coaches dd would purposefully fall away from dd in the water, making it look like my dd wasn't cooperating and doing the move WITH her, then she'd jump out of the water and tell her mother that my dd wasn't doing the move with her. My dd got sent to the back of the line by her very angry coach. This type of thing went on over and over until I finally decided that it was time to talk to the mother. I usually stay for swim but one day I picked up dd after running errands, and dd cried all the way home. She was just so tired of being treated badly.

 

I didn't bring these issues to the coach's attention right away because there was an extremely difficult mom last year that caused MANY problems with the moms and the team kids, and I just didn't want to address the situation. When it became apparent that things weren't going to get better on their own, I talked to the coaches. Two of the coaches said the moms needed to work it out, so the other coach, the mother of the girl, and I went back and forth. This mother is an EXTREMELY rigid and legalistic Christian who makes her dd's wear head coverings in public if they have been disobedient in any way. They are only allowed to wear dresses. They are only to be respectful 100% and sometimes it seems like there is no room for them simply to be kids. So the coach likely has an issue with my dd, EXPECTING her to be 100% compliant and remembering every little thing she's told. Well, my dd has a pineal cyst in her brain that DOES cause cognitive issues, and she's got ADHD. Focus is a REAL problem for her, and being told what to do in multiple steps doesn't work. I've explained this to the coach but I think she thinks that it's just a kid issue and not a health issue. She has actually caused dd to get sick before. Dd asked to get out of the pool because it was too cold. This coach told her no, to push through it. When dd came to me at the end of practice, she was practically in tears. She was SO cold and her lips were blue. She immediately got such a severe migraine that I had to carry to her room when we got home. Another time she wouldn't allow dd to eat at a competition, thinking she can wait to eat when the rest of the kids do. My dd nearly fainted. I'm certain she has hypoglycemia. I do and I know what it's like.

 

I'm going to send out a letter to all three coaches, I think, letting them know of these issues int he past, and telling them that dd11 needs to dictate when she gets out of the freezing water, and she also needs to eat when she needs to at competitions. I honestly think that she's just a rigid coach who WON'T make allowances for anything. FWIW, dd is rail thin and simply can NOT handle the cold water like the kids with normal body fat can.

 

Sorry for the rabbit trail.

 

I'm going into this season with an attitude issue. I finally confronted the coach last year, and she's certain her dd never said or did anything my dd says she did. I told her that I knew for certain some of the things said DID get said because I was present when her dd said them. I could tell she does not believe me. II'm not quite sure why this other girl chose my dd to act like this towards, but my guess is that dd is very social and FUN, and she has a few close friends on the team. Maybe there is some jealousy involved, I don't know. The coaches dd isn't really "friends" with anyone there, but all the kids are friendly and get along. Anyway, the coach was so certain her dd could never behave like that, and she proceeded to tell me how disrespectful my dd was. Now my dd has been involved in MANY settings with MANY adults and kids alike. NOBODY has EVER had an issue with her anywhere. I'm not saying she's perfect, but to make her out to be a disrespectful little brat is just not accurate on ANY level. I think the coach takes the ADHD as disrespectful. I've told her I know ADHD is frustrating to deal with, I've told her I can see she has a hard time with it. I can just SEE This coach seething sometimes and my dd can NOT help her focus issues. I honestly think she thinks it's a behavioral issue and it isn't. When all the girls are lined up on the side of the pool listening to the coaches, my dd will be as well, but she may not be looking at the coach, and she's DEFINITELY wiggling all around as the coach talks. I can SEE the coach is totally irritated with this but MY DD CAN'T HELP IT. I've explained to ALL the coaches about the ADD and how my younger son was called a RETARD and told to pay attention in front of the entire soccer team. I told them that kids with ADHD truly can't help themselves.

 

This coach has yelled at the kids in a way which has shocked the team moms, but still, everyone just loves her. :001_huh: After going back and forth for a couple of weeks about the situation at hand, I finally just shot off an email that said that I needed the instructions to be brought to dd from a COACH and not a kid her age, (the coach's dd was CONSTANTLY bossing my dd around) and that I simply needed her dd to treat my dd respectfully or to just stay away from her. Finally, this seemed to have settled everything and the girl started to treat dd well. At the end of the season I even told the other girl how nicely she has been treating my dd and how much I appreciated that.

 

I thought it was over at that, and I was even going to invite the coach and her dd's to our home for lunch over the summer. That changed when we had the year end awards ceremony. At the end of the ceremony they hand selected girls on the team (their favorites) to give them an award, and to publicly tell them how wonderful they were. The lead coach called up the dd which treated mine like crap, and basically cooed all over her, telling her what a great kid she is, how she is always so kind to everyone on the team, how she treats everyone so well, how she always has a smile on her face, and ON, and ON, and ON, and ON. Her mother, my dd's coach, looked right at me as it was read.:glare: It was a ridiculous stunt that was a complete slap in my face. Now I know none of the coaches believe me. This girl is SO good at being a little angel and playing the adults, but I have SEEN her behavior when the coaches aren't around.

 

I'm disgusted. Swim starts up tomorrow, and I'm just disgusted at what took place. And it's been months!!!!

 

I'm telling you, NOBODY, kid OR adult, has had issues with my dd ever. Other people HAVE issues with this other kid but haven't spoken up. I want to sit back and let this kid expose herself. But I'm ticked off that my dd is looked down upon by these coaches (and by the way, one of the coaches contacted me through email to tell me that my dd's story about the log roll move was accurate and NOT the coach's dd) and I know it all stems from this snotty kid's mother - my dd's coach.

 

I am so disgusted and don't want to see this coach. But I have no choice. I hope my dd will get treated fairly this year. I really do. But I think this coach will be a thorn in my side again.

 

The team is through the YMCA. If I have trouble with the coaches again, do I have any rights to go to the YMCA? Would they help me?

 

I cringe at the thought of putting on a happy face and pretending nothing is wrong.

 

And I know I'm being stupid. How do I get over myself on this?

:bigear:

[swellmomma]

:grouphug: I have no advice really. If it was my kids I would do 1 of 2 things, I would either pull them from the team (which is why they will never play baseball in my town again, we go to teh enxt town over with no issues), or I would contact a higher up. The coaches are hired by the club, I would speak to the club president or in the case of the YMCA who ever over sees the programs. Also coaches out here have to be registered with the provincial board that oversees all swim teams and I would not hesitate to go to them directly if talking with the club president did not help fix the problem.

[melissel]

Ugh! Just reading that made my stomach tie up in knots. How much does your DD love the swim team? Enough to keep dealing with that garbage? Is there another team she can join?

 

I think what I would probably do would be to start the year and see how things go. If there were problems with the other girl, I'd request of both coaches that the girls be kept apart as much as possible, because they don't seem to mesh well. There's no reason your DD needs to be doing log roll exercises with a kid she doesn't get along with, KWIM?

 

I think I'd also be tempted to bring along a little hidden video camera to record some of the carp that the other girl pulls, but that's probably over the top, so I won't recommend it :lol:

 

I'm sorry, what an awful spot for you both to be in. If there was another swim team option, I'd say to drop this mess like a hot potato. If there isn't...well, that's much harder :( :grouphug:

[kewb]

Is there another team you can join? From what you have written this does not sound like a healthy environment for your dd. If you are going to continue with this team I would start documenting every single thing. Any verbal communication needs to be followed up with an email to the coach reiterating the conversation.

 

You can certainly take the issue to the Director of the Aquatics department. Depending on how much $$ the swim team brings into the program may color any assistance you get.

[Tap]

Can you predict any of her behavior enough to video it? Are there certain times that know the coaches will not be around or distracted enough for this girl to act up?

[Ria]

Denise, I'm so sorry. I can tell you are a very caring person. so believe me, I understood the tone of your post. This is a lot to deal with, and I have no clue how I would handle it. I will pray for you....it sounds like just too much to deal with.

:grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is there another team you can join? From what you have written this does not sound like a healthy environment for your dd. If you are going to continue with this team I would start documenting every single thing. Any verbal communication needs to be followed up with an email to the coach reiterating the conversation.

 

You can certainly take the issue to the Director of the Aquatics department. Depending on how much $$ the swim team brings into the program may color any assistance you get.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Impish]

Your child is being bullied. I don't see where you need to 'get over' yourself at all.

 

:grouphug:

[mandymom]

I think I'd also be tempted to bring along a little hidden video camera to record some of the carp that the other girl pulls, but that's probably over the top, so I won't recommend it :lol:

 

 

Why hide the camera? Just video out in the open. That way, it might serve as a deterrent to the girl, and if not, it's proof to show those above mom if she doesn't do anything to stop the behavior.

[Pink and Green Mom]

This sounds just awful. :grouphug:

 

I think I would do two things. First, I would tell the coaches that under no circumstances is your DD to be partnered or put in the same lane with this particular child. I would tell them, not ask them, no long drawn out explanations, no discussion of previous issues, perhaps just "due to personal reasons, DD is to have as little contact as possible with xx."

 

Second thing involves your daughter. We had a similar issue here in our neighborhood. We are very close and tight knit group but there are a few boys we refer to in our own home as "The Boo-Hoo Boys." These boys can dish it out, but cannot take it. They cry at the slightest thing. My son would rather die than "tattle" or sometimes even stand up for himself. For example, if 6 boys are on the trampoline and all are jumping around acting like idiots, someone is bound to bump into somebody else. The Boo Hoo Boys, the most rambunctious of the group, will cry and run to their moms tattling "so and so kicked me" with no mention that everyone was kicking or whatever (and 9 times out of 10, "so and so" is my DS. If anyone else did it, they didn't seem to care. These kids are a year older, are all in the same class at school, and my son is the weakest link in the friendship chain). I finally had to tell my son that no matter what, if a Boo-Hoo Boy starts crying and you were anywhere in the vicinity that you are to follow said Boo-Hoo Boy and give your side of the story if necessary. Once your daughter sees this girl jump out of the pool and run to mommy, perhaps your daughter needs to join her to set the record straight. I know it isn't easy for kids to confront adults, but if you are at practices and notice something starting, you can have a signal with your daughter that lets her know she is about to be accused and needs to defend herself. Once she gets out of the pool, you can follow along and rebut whatever the other kid is saying. I hope that makes sense. Once these boys realized my son wouldn't sit there and be a scapegoat, they stopped making him one. I have a feeling the same thing would happen here.

Edited September 11, 2011 by Pink and Green Mom
clarify

[WishboneDawn]

Your child is being bullied. I don't see where you need to 'get over' yourself at all.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

Not just your child though Denise, you're being played with as well.

[DawnM]

I am so sorry. That does really sound awful.

 

Is swimming something she is just dying to do? If so, is there another team she can join? If not, can you find something else that might interest her?

 

I would want her out of there.

 

Dawn

[Denisemomof4]

well, I certainly thought I was holding a grudge all summer long. When the coach who's dd bullied mine all last year sent out an email praising her husband for landing a WONDERFUL job, I ignored it. And I felt petty and childish. Then I got another email today about swim starting tomorrow and again, I felt like I was being childish and petty for still being upset.

 

I guess you're all right and I don't need to get over myself.

 

I will NOT tolerate dd being treated badly, though. She's had more stress to deal with than any 11 year old kid I know. I'm not going to have her go to the sport she's PASSIONATE about and be bullied anymore.

 

As far as joining another team, there are two options in my state, and another HIGHLY competitive team 1,5 hours away. I can't do the one in MA, and of the other two teams in NH, one has swimmers that place fairly well, our team always does better. The thing that REALLY keeps me from this other team is the behavior from the coaches I saw at one of the meets! The two women were SCREAMING at each other and crying in a VERY crowded hallway where the swimmers entered. I was so shocked at this behavior that I witnessed, and I've also witnessed the team being VERY snotty to each other. That team won't be an option. The other team is only the swim coach that was outed by our current team (she didn't want to leave, she was forced out by current coaches) and only her daughter is on that team. The very difficult mom I mentioned in my original post swam with her this year, there was a huge fight, the two broke apart and dropped out of competitions. Also, that coach's daughter is a REAL brat, and pairing dd up with her truly would no be good. If I thought the coach's dd treated dd badly last year, that will be NOTHING compared to this other kid. She's gotten worse with age.

 

Dd is passionate about synchro. I know she'd be absolutely devastated if she didn't continue on with it. She's SO excited about it starting up this week.:glare: I'm just keeping my mouth shut, hoping and praying for a good year, and hoping I can get over myself enough not to look bad. I don't want to be a team parent this year dedicating lots of time to bake sales, fund raising, etc. I will gel the kid's hair for competitions and let that be my contribution for the year.

[Denisemomof4]

oh, one other thing I've decided is that we will NOT be going to the year end banquet. I know it's too early to call that, but to parade the coach's favorites in front of the entire crowd and coo over them, completely ignoring the others? No thanks. We won't be watching that again.

[QueenCat]

:grouphug:Denise:grouphug:

[Cassy]

:grouphug: I've seen this type of situation, where kids are given awards and praised to the hilt just because they belong to friends or to someone the coach wants to get in with, too many times myself. I find it intensely irritating, even when my kids haven't been bullied or badly treated. I think you're handling it remarkably well. You've been assertive and you've been gracious. If it were me I'd just drop them all. I think you're amazingly impressive to be still persevering for your daughter's sake.

 

Cassy

[Jenny in Florida]

Anyway, the coach was so certain her dd could never behave like that, and she proceeded to tell me how disrespectful my dd was. Now my dd has been involved in MANY settings with MANY adults and kids alike. NOBODY has EVER had an issue with her anywhere. I'm not saying she's perfect, but to make her out to be a disrespectful little brat is just not accurate on ANY level.

 

First of all, I don't think you're being "stupid" or unreasonable. It does sound like your daughter is being targeted by the other girl, for whatever reason. When he was younger, my son seemed to go through life with a huge bullseye painted on him. So, I do know how frustrating and upsetting this kind of thing can be.

 

But this comment above really caught my attention. I was just talking to my kids the other day about a couple of similar incidents.

 

It does seem like some adults (coaches, teachers, group leaders) will "blame" the child when they perceive a parent as being pushy or making waves. I've found that the only times any adult-in-charge has complained about either of my kids are AFTER I've complained about a problem in their program.

 

For example, my daughter took classes at a local theatre for a couple of years. She had been through the entire cycle of curriculum for her level and wanted very much to continue. Her teachers consistently told us what a joy she was in class, how mature, etc. When I approached the education director and asked about moving her up a level so that she could get fresh material in the next class, I was told "they just don't do that." When I pushed, the director started telling me that my daughter was immature and a problem in class.

 

We walked away, and she didn't do classes there again.

 

I think complaining about the child is a defense mechanism for some adults, a way to justify or rationalize the current situation.

 

So, if you've never heard about these problems from the coach until now, I wouldn't take her comments too seriously.

 

Honestly, unless your daughter just loves the swim team, if it were me, I might be looking for another activity. But whether she decided to stay on the team or go elsewhere, I would definitely let the administration at the Y know about the problems she's having with that coach. It's simply not okay to treat a child that way.

 

I hope you find a resolution for your daughter (and you!).

[elegantlion]

Denise :grouphug::grouphug:,

 

I'd think some education ADHD might be in order for the coaches. I have two wigglers in my family, dh and ds. Dh can not absorb information without moving. To the uninformed person, it looks like he's not paying attention at all.

 

I like the video idea, then there is no she said/she did.

 

Do you have any other adult supporters on the team? Someone who will back up your stories? I'd probably make a log of any impropriety. If it moves to taking the case to the Y then you'll have video and written evidence.

[Lady Florida.]

I have no advice, but I'm sorry. I know how irritating it is when people think your kid with ADHD is *choosing* to misbehave, do something impulsive, or not focus, or that you are lacking in parenting skills. BTDT, know the frustration. :grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!

 

I'm going to say something that might be very ignorant--so please forgive me in advance. Because she has a problem attending, would you consider giving her medication on swimming days? I'm sure you have your reasons why you aren't, and it's your call for sure!! I was just wondering if maybe both educating about ADHD and giving your dd a little help might be good. IDK--just an idea.

 

I do think she's being bullied. And I know how that is (being bullied), so I want to say my heart is so relieved that you are aware and stepping up to her defense. My mom blamed me, and it left a scar.

 

The videotaping is a great idea, imo. You can just use the tapes to review dd's performance, and have back-up if bullying happens. See if you can get permission--some parents may not like it and it may be against the YMCA rules.

 

Again, I'm so sorry kids are not nicer and adults are so obtuse. :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

Your dd may be sad about switching sports for a while. But, it is likely she could find something else that she enjoys and that will be better for her. There are wonderful, amazing coaches out there. I would NOT continue with a team that had a bunch of overgrown drama queens as coaches. No. Way.

[Liza Lee]

Well, my dd has a pineal cyst in her brain that DOES cause cognitive issues, and she's got ADHD. Focus is a REAL problem for her, and being told what to do in multiple steps doesn't work. I've explained this to the coach but I think she thinks that it's just a kid issue and not a health issue. She has actually caused dd to get sick before. Dd asked to get out of the pool because it was too cold. This coach told her no, to push through it. When dd came to me at the end of practice, she was practically in tears. She was SO cold and her lips were blue. She immediately got such a severe migraine that I had to carry to her room when we got home. Another time she wouldn't allow dd to eat at a competition, thinking she can wait to eat when the rest of the kids do. My dd nearly fainted.

:bigear:

 

Forget about the kid who is bullying your DD, you've got a fundamental problem with a coach who doesn't care about the health of his team.

[Chris in VA]

Forget about the kid who is bullying your DD, you've got a fundamental problem with a coach who doesn't care about the health of his team.

 

:iagree:

 

It does give one pause, doesn't it?

 

If you can stay, stay, but...part of me says move on.

 

It's hard to disappoint our kiddos. May be for the best, tho. :grouphug::grouphug:

[unsinkable]

Is it legal to videotape someone without their permission?

 

I can't imagine that videotaping someone's "misbehaving" child would go over well.

 

IMO, if I can't trust coaches/teachers/adults in my kids' lives to properly respond to health issues and *educating* them doesn' work, those people aren't in my kids' lives anymore. Period. I just can't see risking my kids' health and safety over an sport or activity.

[unsinkable]

Forget about the kid who is bullying your DD, you've got a fundamental problem with a coach who doesn't care about the health of his team.

 

:iagree:

 

I was typing something similar while eating toast. :D Slow peanut butter fingers over here. :lol:

[Mynyel]

What I would do?

 

Get your digital video camera out and record every. single. practice. Yes it will be a pain. Yes it will be an inconvenience. However you will have irrefutable proof of the behavior going on. You can then confront said coaches and if need be go to the head of the YMCA.

 

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I would be at every practice and watch what is happening. I would let the child and mom expose themselves. It won't be long before they do--people like that can't hide forever.

 

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this situation. It's so wrong.:grouphug:

[simka2]

What I would do?

 

Get your digital video camera out and record every. single. practice. Yes it will be a pain. Yes it will be an inconvenience. However you will have irrefutable proof of the behavior going on. You can then confront said coaches and if need be go to the head of the YMCA.

 

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

 

I record many practices just so my kids can watch their form. I would simply do that and think of the accountability as a bonus ;).

[Danestress]

I personally don't think you can have a situation where you let someone you don't trust coach your child. You are being advised that since you can't trust her, you should exercise constant supervision, attend every practice, and even video tape sessions to gather evidence. You just can't live that way. I think it's terrible advice, and in my opinion, if you can't trust the coach to be a coach, you will never be happy there.

 

Your daughter is only 11. She can still change sports. She is crying and unhappy, and it sounds like there is a lot of conflict and misery. Since she is generally likable and fun, I assume the problem is with the team/coaches and not with her. But no amount of supervising the practices on your part is going to fix this issue. Coaches coach. They assign kids to lanes, give awards, decide whether to take a break or push through, etc. It sounds like you can't trust his woman to make very basic coaching decisions, so I think you need to find something else for your daughter to do or find a different team.

 

I think you have two options. (1) Accept that this just is not someone you want to have coaching your child and leave or (2) Accept that there are going to be some hard moments and project to your child that she has to deal with it and cope with it. The awards ceremony thing to me is a real indication of how bad the relationship has become. Yes, sometimes my child gets overlooked and a different child, even a child I really don't care for or trust, gets "cooed over." That's life. I don't blame you for being secretly annoyed by it, though.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is your dh able to do practice duty? It shouldn't be this way, but often coaches of either sex will shape up if a man is there observing and standing up for the child.

[Denisemomof4]

you guys are all right. I've had a long talk with dd. We're not going to throw in the towel yet, but I'm not going to sit back and try not to make waves this year. We've been coming to this swim team for 4 years now, and this is only the second time I've had to say anything. The first time was to the coach who was forced out. That's another story.

 

Anyway, the first part of the workout has the parents up in the balcony and the coaches have the girls in another part of the Y doing stretches, stair climbing, etc. When they get to the pool I can only watch from the balcony. I will be bringing a recorder, if only to show this one coach her clear annoyance with my dd.

 

 

I'm really sad that my dd is told to sit still, pay attention, etc and I'm certain the coaches look at this as a behavior issue. I've been reading more about ADHD today and when I read that these kids typically have brain abnormalities, I dug my heels in further. A cyst on her brain is an abnormality, and ADHD is not normal. My kid is sweet and respectful, but she IS highly distractable and NEEDS to fidget. I've been trying to find just the right thing to print out or email the coaches to try to help explain dd.

 

I'm going to allow dd to remain this year, but I'm not going to allow her to continue to be treated the way she has been. By ANYONE, child OR adult.

 

I really appreciate everyone's input. Thank you!

[Denisemomof4]

Is your dh able to do practice duty? It shouldn't be this way, but often coaches of either sex will shape up if a man is there observing and standing up for the child.

 

this is a VERY good idea, Jean. I'm going to talk to dh in full about the issue. He manages people in the corporate world and has very good skills in this area. I think it will be easier to separate his emotions for his dd from the situation. Also, I tend to have a very, very hard time with confrontation so if it's heading in that direction......................

[Jennifer3141]

Ok. Wow. Bonus points to you and DD for sticking with this!!

 

I think you need to "attack" two things here - the health stuff and the coach's DD, whom I will lovingly now refer to as, "the little jerk."

 

I'd videotape the TLJ. Why would you have to hide the videocamera? I've seen parents videotape their kid at the dang park. :D

I'd stand right there and videotape for awhile every practice and if the coach sees you do it, so much the better. Perhaps the coach will remark to her DD that her behavior might be taped so cool it down, if it starts up.

 

The medical stuff... that's easy too. You need a health advocate! Are you close to your DD's doctor or nurse or PA? Explain what you've seen to them and make sure they document it in a friendly little letter to whoever is coaching your DD on any team. Tell them what you've observed with DD and ask them to make it general enough for all her coaches.

 

Then your DD has a documented health condition and the YWCA as an organization is not going to want to be known as a group that ignores the medical needs of its kids. That's just not a risk that place it going to want to take.

 

And now I'm going to be dying to know how this coach acts this year so update us, please!!

[RanchGirl]

Punishing children by making them wear head coverings in public? This woman sounds like a real piece of work!

 

If your daughter loves swimming enough to keep trying with this team (and there are no other options), then I would just make sure I or dh was at every single practice with a camcorder, recording the entire practice. Openly.

 

Honestly, you may not be able to force them to treat your child like any other if her add behaviors are frustrating them and they have a clique going and whatever. A doctors note and education might help, but these people have clearly formed their opinions and chosen sides.

 

But you can protect your dd from overt mistreatment by being there watching like a hawk. And she has friends there, and she is passionate about the sport, so it might be worthwhile even if she doesn't get the respect from the coaches that she deserves.

[Anne in CA]

My only thought is that will the coach freak out if she sees the video camera because of her modesty issues? The girls will be in swimming suits and someone who makes her child wear a headcovering may not want her inadvertantly filmed in a swimming suit?

 

I do think filming is a great idea, but I would tread carefully here.

[Trish]

Well we don't remember a lot of things from our childhoods, just bits and pieces really, but it sounds like the Swim Torture Activity may stick if she keeps attending. I think this situation is, "It's not YOU, it's THEM."

[4kiddies]

Well, I think you need to carefully reconsider filming this. I know that I would FREAK out if I caught another parent filming my child in their bathing suit, regardless of what the reason was.

[bbmom]

Well, I think you need to carefully reconsider filming this. I know that I would FREAK out if I caught another parent filming my child in their bathing suit, regardless of what the reason was.

 

It sounds like this is a competitive synchro team, so I am guessing the girls are taped fairly often, and I am quite surprised someone so modest even lets their dds participate. As far as the camera, I don't see how anyone could find fault with you taping your own dd. If another girl happens to be recorded because she is in dd's space or they happen to be doing a partner drill together I'm not sure how anyone could have a problem with that either as long as you are not taping them instead of your dd.

[Denisemomof4]

the parents have openly recorded their girls AND taken pictures. Nobody protested until last year. At the end of the year, one woman proudly told everyone of the videos she posted on YOUTUBE. :svengo: Yes, we all had issues with our girls being put on the internet where millions of strangers, at the LEAST, could view them. They were told to remove the video or make it private.

 

People also record their kid so the girl can see how her movements look, where she needs to improve, etc.

 

I will be sure to get the coach CLEARLY annoyed with my dd. I really want to get a note from the dr, (EXCELLENT suggestion!) but I haven't gotten a formal ADHD diagnosis. That will require all that expensive, time consuming testing. I see no point to it, I'm certain she has it as I have one kid who already went through the testing and was diagnosed. It's SO obvious to me. I'd hate to spend the time and money only to ask an ADULT to treat my kid right.:glare: I'm still going to see what I can do.

[Carol in Cal.]

There's something else to consider, too.

Maybe the modifications that your dd needs to be able to participate are going to be impossible down the road. I mean, at 11 it might be possible to give instructions one little bit at a time; but at 13 it almost certainly won't be. You might be better off making the change to something that she can stick with in the long run.

[Denisemomof4]

There's something else to consider, too.

Maybe the modifications that your dd needs to be able to participate are going to be impossible down the road. I mean, at 11 it might be possible to give instructions one little bit at a time; but at 13 it almost certainly won't be. You might be better off making the change to something that she can stick with in the long run.

 

I understand what you're saying, but if a coach can't consider ADHD, there's something wrong with them. There are special needs kids on the team and routines are changed to make the routine doable for the child. There are slow learners that the coaches take extra time to help. My dd does perfectly fine most of the time, her biggest issue is SITTING STILL while they're being spoken to in the pool. My dd needs to be able to wiggle.

 

This isn't something that will alter her life. There really is no reason for her to drop out of swim because she has ADHD *and* impatient, rigid coaches.

[Blueridge]

This may be a stupid question, but how much does your dd love this activity? Since it is involving so much strife for her, and for you, can this activity not substituted with something else? There have been a few times when our family had to leave a (normally) wonderful activity due to the difficulties they encountered. You have to decide if swim team is really worth this, and be prepared to move on to something more encouraging and supportive for her. Sorry for your burden with this. :grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

I understand what you're saying, but if a coach can't consider ADHD, there's something wrong with them. There are special needs kids on the team and routines are changed to make the routine doable for the child. There are slow learners that the coaches take extra time to help. My dd does perfectly fine most of the time, her biggest issue is SITTING STILL while they're being spoken to in the pool. My dd needs to be able to wiggle.

 

This isn't something that will alter her life. There really is no reason for her to drop out of swim because she has ADHD *and* impatient, rigid coaches.

 

It's not the part about the wiggling that caught my eye. It's the part about not being able to accept a sequence of instructions, but rather needing them one at a time. That doesn't seem consistent with this sport in the long run to me.

[unsinkable]

I don't think taping either the coach or the trouble-making girl for the purposes of "catching" them on camera behaving in a way that is thought to be inappropriate is not a smart thing to do. It might not even be legal.

 

IMO, it doesn't matter if people tape their own kids, or the routines, or the practices all the time. The idea that came up here is to record in order to "catch" either the girl or coach doing something "wrong."

 

If things are THAT bad, IMO, I wouldn't be there.