legal trouble related to homeschooling?

[MeganW]

ETA - update on p7

 

HELP! My aunt, who lives in across the country from us, is one of those perpetually-unhappy people. A little unstable, and likely to lash out at others to make herself feel better. She STRONGLY disapproves of homeschooling. Strongly might be the understatement of the year. When she first found out that I was considering homeschooling, she began sending these little notes. “A homeschooled kid I know ended up in jail.” Murders, suicides and other major psych issues, etc. Apparently she knows lots of grown homeschoolers, and every single one is causing problems to the rest of society. (Yeah right.)

 

Anyway, she and mom (who is about as different from my aunt as can be) have never been good friends. But my grandfather passed away, and left a fair amount of assets and dividing it up has caused friction like you can’t imagine. Apparently things went WAY south last week, and some horrible things were said, and unfortunately it looks as though their relationship will never be repairable.

 

And all of a sudden, my aunt is posting random things on my Facebook page. A gazillion years ago, she was a social worker in the state where we live now, and she is posting things about how when she worked at DSS, she had a list of children who weren’t attending school, and she jumped at the chance to storm into their homes and remove them from their parents’ care. She didn’t outright say anything threatening, but the underlying message was clear – she is threatening to call and report me to whoever, in order to get back at my mother. I gently but firmly replied saying that things had changed a lot since she worked here – homeschooling was legal now, and telling her exactly what the law required and letting her know that I was confident that I had far exceeded the minimal requirements. (We do not have portfolio reviews or testing requirements here in SC.)

 

I have done EVERYTHING right. I have registered with an accountability association as required (but they don't really do much other than get a signed statement saying we are meeting the requirements). My kids have gotten a LOT more education than they would have gotten if they had gone to public school for kindergarten this year, especially since we started in June and public school has only been in session for a few weeks. And we have been able to continue their vision, speech, and occupational therapy at the necessary pace, rather than scaling back so they could spend 8 hours a day in public kindergarten.

 

BUT, our math program (RightStart) is primarily manipulatives-based. I have nothing in the way of worksheets to show that we have actually done it. (I do have recorded what we did each day “reviewed Lesson 14” and so on.) The reading is the same way – we have been working on it, but as my lessons are tailored to the kids, we are a little stalled out right now. Two kids are supposed to be NOT doing reading lessons per the vision therapist/eye doctor, and the third has kind of plateau’ed and I don’t want to move on until she is comfortable with the material we have already done. So I am doing lessons with her daily, but it’s a constant review until she stops sounding out CCCC-AAAA-TTTT and recognizes that she doesn’t have to sound out the word every single time – she can remember it. So when you look at the phonics book’s table of contents, we haven’t moved forward in like a month. Again, I have recorded “reviewed CVC words”, but that isn’t really much proof.

 

In addition, my husband has been out of town more than half the days of the last month, so I have totally lost control of my house. It is a complete disaster. Laundry is caught up through the drying process, but is heaped on the sofa. Dishes are caught up and counters wiped daily, and the bathrooms get a good going-over very regularly, but otherwise my house is the biggest mess you ever saw. Books and papers and maps and crayons are EVERYWHERE. If someone from the state came tomorrow and saw this house, they might seriously wonder about my ability to raise kids here. (Or they might enter me for the TV show Hoarders.)

 

I’m really trying not to freak. I called my mom, and she thinks it is 50/50 that my aunt will lash out at her by causing trouble for me. Somebody please tell me they can't take my kids. I haven't done anything wrong, but I can't really prove I've done much right either.

 

Now what?

Edited September 11, 2011 by MeganW
update on p7

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I don't know about child welfare in other states, but in ours it is completely off the radar UNLESS other factors are in play (neglect, etc.)

 

First things first, if I were in your situation I would do the following:

 

Do basic home organization. I would get one clear rubbermaid for each child (I do this myself) and have each kid's school supplies in their own bin. Get a few other bins and put all EXTRA school supplies in that. Put them away in another room. (master bedroom if no other place is available.)

 

IF you get a visit from DHS and that is a HUGE if imo, at least you will be somewhat organized. If you are regularly wiping down counters and cleaning bathrooms you don't have to worry, from what you have said. They are looking for things like smell of feces/urine, crusted food on counters/dishes. Unclean bathrooms, human or animal waste, etc.

 

Keep laundry caught up so that you don't have more than a couple hampers full. I used to walk through houses CHOCK FULL of dirty laundry, kids wearing clothes that it appeared they had been wearing for many days on end, little to no food, animal waste strewn throughout. (in one home the toddlers had been finger painting with dog poop. :crying: ) THESE are the types of extremes they are looking for, not "he didn't get the last page of his workbook done today", kwim?

[GoVanGogh]

I have family members that disagree with homeschooling and are unstable enough to cause problems.

We joined our state's legal defense organization. (Like HSLDA, but at state level.) I have never had to use it but it gives me the confidence that if something ever comes up, our bases are covered. I also keep very detailed records of our school, including logging hours spent at library, at outside activities, etc. Anything remotely educational goes into our records.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[MeganW]

Ok, that makes me feel better. My bathrooms, kitchen, kids, and clothing are clean. It's just a total mess. Except for at least once a day one of my kids forgets to flush, hence the reason I am constantly cleaning the bathrooms! :)

[mandymom]

Is kindergarten even required by the state in South Carolina? It's not here in Texas.

 

I was a school nurse before I was a stay at home mom. I had kids with SERIOUS medical neglect and even severe bruising at my school, and I couldn't get CPS to even come see the kids.

 

I'm so sorry that someone, esp family, is being so vindictive with your children. :grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

Keep a written copy of the law handy.

 

I think you're fine with the documentation you've been doing. If a caseworker is fussing at you I would NOT fret about being slow or anything, but rather speak with firmness and confidence as to what curriculum is being used and that school occurs each day.

 

Any caseworker who comes to your door has to specifically tell you of what you are accused. They do not always want to tell you this, but it is your legal right.

 

Are you a member of HSLDA? Whether them or another lawyer, you might consider having a lawyer's number handy.

 

Finally, make sure you DOCUMENT all that has passed with your aunt so that you can show that her actions may have been malicious.

 

Also make sure you tell the caseworker that your aunt HAS NOT SEEN your kids or talked with them so has no way of knowing anything. (Right? Or did I misread your post?)

 

It's best to be prepared. Chances are, though, that your aunt is just being a bully and trying to scare you. As such, the best advice I can give is to stop interacting with her. Stop engaging. It just feeds her negative energy and keeps the torment ongoing. Don't announce this to her--just quietly stop.

[MeganW]

Do basic home organization. I would get one clear rubbermaid for each child (I do this myself) and have each kid's school supplies in their own bin. Get a few other bins and put all EXTRA school supplies in that. Put them away in another room. (master bedroom if no other place is available.)

 

I may just stay up all night and get this done. It's has needed doing for a long time. Maybe this is just what I needed. Be a long day tomorrow though...

[Night Elf]

Follow the homeschooling laws, keeping copies of all paperwork you must submit.

 

Stop engaging her and start deleting her posts off your wall. You can't stop her from posting on her own wall. Is there really anyone who reads her facebook that will jump on her bandwagon and start causing trouble too? If not, she's harrassing you for the fun of it, as you implied.

 

I honestly cannot see social workers taking your children away because you are homeschooling legally. As a pp stated, there has to be more to it than that.

 

And stop engaging her. Really.

[MeganW]

I don't know about child welfare in other states, but in ours it is completely off the radar UNLESS other factors are in play (neglect, etc.)

 

 

The ONLY reason I would have to worry is that my triplets were born prematurely, so they have some delays (which they are in therapy for). But that does mean that they are behind other kids their age. The good thing though is that there are a lot of therapists (and their notes!) in our lives that can vouch that the kids have made great progress even though they are still behind, so clearly we are doing something at home.

[MeganW]

If it were me, I would tell that *$%!@ to get bent. Then I would tell her that I am following the letter of the law and that if she made trouble for me, I would be taking her to court and suing her for everything I could get. I would not say it nicely and I would NEVER have anything to do with that *$%!@ again, ever. I would unfriend her on Facebook, block her e-mail and telephone number and in general, pretend she was dead. But before all that, take screen shots of her absurd comments so you can use them as evidence.

 

Seriously, there is NO room in my life for toxic people like that. I am going through this (not this situation, but toxic relatives) in my own life. I have just decided that life is too short to risk infecting your family with toxic people. Shut them out and make no excuses.

 

That person does not care about you and your family, she should not be within 100 mile radius of you or your kids.

 

I hear you. I just don't want to tick her off and tip the scales toward having her do something, you know? Unfortunately, she hasn't said anything outright threatening. If you don't know her, you probably would just shake your head or think she was making an observation. But knowing her, I know what the implication is.

 

Even though I'm NOT doing anything wrong, it still scares me to think of being investigated. And honestly, I just can't take that on right now in addition to homeschooling, dealing with all this therapy for their kids (and the related homework), and running the house on my own with DH working out of the country. I truly can't handle anything else on my plate at the moment. I'm exhausted as is!

 

We have such a boring, normal, white-sheep family except this one!!

[ThatCyndiGirl]

The ONLY reason I would have to worry is that my triplets were born prematurely, so they have some delays (which they are in therapy for). But that does mean that they are behind other kids their age. The good thing though is that there are a lot of therapists (and their notes!) in our lives that can vouch that the kids have made great progress even though they are still behind, so clearly we are doing something at home.

 

A delay is not a red flag. Parental DENIAL of those delays or failure to get the child needed therapy IS a red flag.

 

Re: the clear bins: They are not attractive, but they get the job done. You will feel so much better when it is put away.

 

Oh, and as others have said/implied: don't be paranoid, but do be vigilant. You don't have to live in fear, but I would always be prepared. Forewarned is forearmed or some such. I would, if it were me, operate under the assumption that I need to show proof/prove myself at any given time so I always have it if I needed it.

[MeganW]

Is kindergarten even required by the state in South Carolina? It's not here in Texas.

 

I was a school nurse before I was a stay at home mom. I had kids with SERIOUS medical neglect and even severe bruising at my school, and I couldn't get CPS to even come see the kids.

 

I'm so sorry that someone, esp family, is being so vindictive with your children. :grouphug:

 

Kindergarten itself is not required, but you have to be educating your kid (in whatever grade) if they turn 6 before Sept 1. So it is required right now for my kids.

 

Who investigates homeschoolers? Is it DSS? Or the education dept?

[elegantlion]

Well, defriend and block her on facebook for one thing. Then do as others have suggested, and don't be fearful.

 

I would also take some pics of the kids doing school, just because.

 

I'd probably get ticked and start doing things that probably aren't good, like starting a blog for school, then make it invitation only to view.

 

:grouphug:

[Whereneverever]

The ONLY reason I would have to worry is that my triplets were born prematurely, so they have some delays (which they are in therapy for). But that does mean that they are behind other kids their age. The good thing though is that there are a lot of therapists (and their notes!) in our lives that can vouch that the kids have made great progress even though they are still behind, so clearly we are doing something at home.

 

If you have a lot of positive involvement with therapists like that- I wouldn't worry. At all.

[Halftime Hope]

Megan,

 

I would join the state organization, like another poster said, first thing tomorrow morning. Find out if they will go to bat for members, and if they don't, join HSLDA. You may not agree with HSLDA on all their particulars (osme folks have problems with one organization having or claiming as much "say" for homeschoolers as HSLDA does) but in this case, I'd want someone, most anyone, to have my back.

 

Then I'd get a friendly teen over to help you get control of the chaos. Seriously, a few hours and you'll be out from under the pile...just getter done, as we say in TX.

 

Finally, call your state org, and quiz them about what to say or do if someone from CPS does show up. Here, we are instructed *not* to allow CPS in the door. They have no right. Without a search warrant, neither does a policeman. Take their business card, ask them to put their concerns in writing, and tell them that once you have received their official inquiry, your lawyer will respond. Under no circumstances are they to trespass into your house without a warrant which would only be issued because of probable cause.

 

I'm not sure if the laws are the same in your state, that's why you need to ask your state hsing organization what to do.

 

hth

[MeganW]

Keep a written copy of the law handy.

 

I think you're fine with the documentation you've been doing. If a caseworker is fussing at you I would NOT fret about being slow or anything, but rather speak with firmness and confidence as to what curriculum is being used and that school occurs each day.

 

Any caseworker who comes to your door has to specifically tell you of what you are accused. They do not always want to tell you this, but it is your legal right.

 

Are you a member of HSLDA? Whether them or another lawyer, you might consider having a lawyer's number handy.

 

Finally, make sure you DOCUMENT all that has passed with your aunt so that you can show that her actions may have been malicious.

 

Also make sure you tell the caseworker that your aunt HAS NOT SEEN your kids or talked with them so has no way of knowing anything. (Right? Or did I misread your post?)

 

It's best to be prepared. Chances are, though, that your aunt is just being a bully and trying to scare you. As such, the best advice I can give is to stop interacting with her. Stop engaging. It just feeds her negative energy and keeps the torment ongoing. Don't announce this to her--just quietly stop.

 

No, she's never even MET my kids, let alone seen them recently. I have seen her once in maybe the last 5 years, and that was at my grandfather's funeral. Other than Facebook, we are not in contact at all. I tried to let her know as non-confrontationally as possible that I knew the law and was far exceeding the requirements, and I haven't responded other than that. I will go ahead and print out the law and my proof and have that by the front door, as well as printing her FB comments and joining HSLDA.

 

Do I have to let them in if they come?

 

Before now, homeschooling has seemed a little daring as it was going against the flow, but suddenly it seems very scary. I am awed at those who did this 20 years ago and paved the way for the rest of us.

Edited September 6, 2011 by MeganW

[Sahamamama]

Do basic home organization... I used to walk through houses CHOCK FULL of dirty laundry, kids wearing clothes that it appeared they had been wearing for many days on end, little to no food, animal waste strewn throughout.

 

I used to be a social worker, and you would not believe the homes we went into. :001_huh: If your children are bathed weekly, fed daily, and your house is not a breeding ground for vermin, you are doing fine. Frankly, I would not stay up all night to organize and clean. I would prioritize being rested, especially if your husband is out of town. Tired mommies are cranky mommies. And, in spite of this horrible aunt of yours, DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR. Do not let the fear bind you or paralyze you. God gave these children to you. He is in control of it all. Pray over your family, and then trust God to keep you all in his care.

 

If it were me, I would tell that *$%!@ to get bent. Then I would tell her that I am following the letter of the law and that if she made trouble for me, I would be taking her to court and suing her for everything I could get. I would not say it nicely and I would NEVER have anything to do with that *$%!@ again, ever. I would unfriend her on Facebook, block her e-mail and telephone number and in general, pretend she was dead. But before all that, take screen shots of her absurd comments so you can use them as evidence.

 

Seriously, there is NO room in my life for toxic people like that. I am going through this (not this situation, but toxic relatives) in my own life. I have just decided that life is too short to risk infecting your family with toxic people. Shut them out and make no excuses.

 

That person does not care about you and your family, she should not be within 100 mile radius of you or your kids.

 

Actually, I agree with this. All of it, profanity included. :D No, seriously, you need to cut off the aunt. NO RESPONSES. No justifications. No information flowing in her direction. It is as though she doesn't exist.

 

These people feed off your fear, they love controlling you. Don't let her do it. Cut her off, like the toxic, destructive cancer she is. No contact.

 

None. Zero. Zilch. Zip. Nada.

 

:grouphug:

[FaithManor]

A tip from out-of-state is very likely to end up in the ignore pile. She has no first hand knowledge of your home or your homeschooling procedures.

 

Keep proof of "complying with state law" on hand and if CPS ends up on your doorstep - talk to them on the porch and hand them the paperwork. State that your aunt is having legal/financial feuds with your mother over inheritance...if you have some proof such as letters or emails from your mom, legal statements, etc. they will immediately understand that this is a retaliatory strike from a disgruntled relative.

 

Take down your facebook page or whatever you have to do so she cannot see ANYTHING about your family. Print off and copy emails and facebook posts from her that you have now. Very likely if, BIG IF, CPS showed up and you presented her little tirades in print, they will say "sorry to bother you ma'am." Most of the social workers I have met have seen a lot, btdt with dysfunctional people, etc. and would prefer to spend their time pursuing cases of merit and not running down complaints from nutsy-cuckoo far-off relatives with a financial axe to grind. Any reasonable doubt on the complaint and most will be inclined to go on their way.

 

Now, if CPS showed up here....well! :D I live with "Bill Nye the Science Guy" wannabe and my tables are covered in chemistry experiments, dissections in progress - nothing like a half mangled sheep's heart when company stops by :lol: - sometimes the chem distillery is running for making ethanol to power little steam engines for the 4-H club and the place smells like a brewery, a batch of glow in the dark slime cooking in the kitchen, and on a bad day - ds and I tearing a part an old smoke detector for the Americium, ... then there are those uranium marbles they use to set off the geiger counter (just my luck they would not be in the lead lined box but in ds's pocket when CPS arrived) and the road kill bones waiting to be identified...yep, I am the one with something to worry about! 5 out of 7 days every week, this place looks like the inside of a mad scientist's secret lair. So, take heart!

 

Faith

[MeganW]

Follow the homeschooling laws, keeping copies of all paperwork you must submit.

 

Stop engaging her and start deleting her posts off your wall. You can't stop her from posting on her own wall. Is there really anyone who reads her facebook that will jump on her bandwagon and start causing trouble too? If not, she's harrassing you for the fun of it, as you implied.

 

I honestly cannot see social workers taking your children away because you are homeschooling legally. As a pp stated, there has to be more to it than that.

 

And stop engaging her. Really.

 

You are right, I can't imagine they would have ANY decent reason to take my kids (other than my messy house!). I am legal. I just honestly don't want to deal with it. And plus you hear those random horror stories of people losing their kids and 10 years later it all turns out to be a mistake and the state apologizes, but by then you have lost 10 years, you know?

 

You are right - I hadn't thought about anybody else jumping on the bandwagon. I think everybody who knows me though understands why we are homeschooling and expects I will do my best job, even if they don't agree with homeschooling in general. I think if anything, they worry I will overdo the whole school thing and burn my kids out.

Edited September 6, 2011 by MeganW

[Sahamamama]

Also, I wanted to add that you need to meet with your pastor(s) and discuss this with them. You really need the church to come around you now, especially with your husband out of the country. Get ALL the support you can from the church, including meals, babysitting, prayer support, older women to sit and read to your children, etc.

 

Call your pastor or women's ministries director -- think of a caring, mature person at your church -- call that person, and bawl your eyes out. :grouphug:

 

That's what I would do.

[BigMamaBird]

If it were me, I would tell that *$%!@ to get bent. Then I would tell her that I am following the letter of the law and that if she made trouble for me, I would be taking her to court and suing her for everything I could get. I would not say it nicely and I would NEVER have anything to do with that *$%!@ again, ever. I would unfriend her on Facebook, block her e-mail and telephone number and in general, pretend she was dead. But before all that, take screen shots of her absurd comments so you can use them as evidence.

 

Seriously, there is NO room in my life for toxic people like that. I am going through this (not this situation, but toxic relatives) in my own life. I have just decided that life is too short to risk infecting your family with toxic people. Shut them out and make no excuses.

 

That person does not care about you and your family, she should not be within 100 mile radius of you or your kids.

 

:iagree:

 

Especially the bolded. She has no right to cause you such stress.

[Stayseeliz]

If you have someone in your life like this I think joining HSLDA is a good idea. We are members and have been for years and it gives me lot of peace. A LOT of it. Knowing I can call them 24/7 and have someone on my side? That's good stuff. I agree that it would be wise to take screen shots of what she's said and keep them handy. But if you have evidence that your children are getting the intervention they need I wouldn't worry too much!

[MeganW]

A delay is not a red flag. Parental DENIAL of those delays or failure to get the child needed therapy IS a red flag.

 

I should be good then. All my kids have actually made better progress than was predicted b/c I am really really vigilant about doing the therapy homework every single day and keeping therapists looped in with swim/dance/gymnastics teachers and so on. I had two kids who, at a year, were not expected to ever walk unassisted. Today, they look a little awkward running, but they do it! They jump, run, skip, hop, gallop and ride bikes! Same with fine motor, sensory, and vision issues - more progress in less time than expected. They are still about a year behind their peers, but the gap is smaller now than it has ever been.

[parias1126]

If it were me, I would tell that *$%!@ to get bent. Then I would tell her that I am following the letter of the law and that if she made trouble for me, I would be taking her to court and suing her for everything I could get. I would not say it nicely and I would NEVER have anything to do with that *$%!@ again, ever. I would unfriend her on Facebook, block her e-mail and telephone number and in general, pretend she was dead. But before all that, take screen shots of her absurd comments so you can use them as evidence.

 

Seriously, there is NO room in my life for toxic people like that. I am going through this (not this situation, but toxic relatives) in my own life. I have just decided that life is too short to risk infecting your family with toxic people. Shut them out and make no excuses.

 

That person does not care about you and your family, she should not be within 100 mile radius of you or your kids.

:iagree:

[MeganW]

Megan,

 

I would join the state organization, like another poster said, first thing tomorrow morning. Find out if they will go to bat for members, and if they don't, join HSLDA. You may not agree with HSLDA on all their particulars (osme folks have problems with one organization having or claiming as much "say" for homeschoolers as HSLDA does) but in this case, I'd want someone, most anyone, to have my back.

 

Then I'd get a friendly teen over to help you get control of the chaos. Seriously, a few hours and you'll be out from under the pile...just getter done, as we say in TX.

 

Finally, call your state org, and quiz them about what to say or do if someone from CPS does show up. Here, we are instructed *not* to allow CPS in the door. They have no right. Without a search warrant, neither does a policeman. Take their business card, ask them to put their concerns in writing, and tell them that once you have received their official inquiry, your lawyer will respond. Under no circumstances are they to trespass into your house without a warrant which would only be issued because of probable cause.

 

I'm not sure if the laws are the same in your state, that's why you need to ask your state hsing organization what to do.

 

hth

 

Gotcha. We have CC tomorrow - I'll call during our morning break. Boy am I thankful we do CC! The tutor knows we study! :)

[Garga]

I concur with another poster who was a social worker and said they're not concerned about messy houses.

 

A friend who currently works in CPS was chatting with me the other day and said that whenever they have to go into a house, they really don't care about messy houses. They're looking for exposed wires, holes in the floor (like in a rusted out trailer), feces, insect infestations, and true hoarding (where you would not be able to exit in an emergency because of stuff in the way.)

 

Dishes, laundry, an unvacuumed floor and normal (non-hoarding) clutter doesn't mean a thing to them.

[Mommy22alyns]

I'd cut her off too. Defriend on FB, etc. etc. Then I'd probably join HSLDA. I'm sorry, what she's doing is disgusting and you shouldn't have to worry one instant about her. :grouphug:

[gardenmom5]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is very unusual for an estate to be settled politely, even if the deceased had a clear cut will or trust with clear instructions of where everything is supposed to go.

 

while your aunt sounds angry enough to follow through on her implied threats, that can also be used against her in the vein of she is mentally unstable. Keep records of everything she has said, does, threats over the estate, towards your mother, etc.

[Tarreymere]

Oh please do NOT worry about that evil person. My DH recently got promoted to the CPS intake supervisor for our county and I showed him your post. He just laughed and said that homeschooling is not a crime and niether is being a busy mom.

 

He said that depending on what that woman says you might get a caseworker at your door (like if she says the kids are neglected or abused) but that should be the end of it. DH says that allowing the caseworker into your home may very well end the whole matter right there, especially if you apologize to the caseworker for your relative's false accusations and explain what has been going on. Refusing to allow the worker in may raise their suspicion level, especially if this nutcase relative tells them some whoppers about you abusing the kids. In the end, it is your choice if you allow them in or not. Just remember that you are homeschooling within the law and that even a cluttered house is no reason to remove a child or heck, who would ever have their own kids?

 

He says that even in order to open a case and have ongoing child protection services your home would have to be extremely and obviously filthy, the kids filthy and obviously wearing the same clothes, no food in the house, animal feces, all that stuff that previous posters stated. Even then they wouldn't take the kids most likely, just open your family up for services and have you take parenting classes and stuff. He said agencies these days just don't even have the funds to place all the kids who really need to be in foster care and they aren't going to waste time and money on a family who is legally homeschooling, even if they are disorganized. Heck, before DH was in the position he has now I had CPS in my house often because I have my grandkids living with me and I never even bothered to pick up for them, they seemed to like to see toys and crayons and kid stuff everywhere. :001_smile:

 

I guess that some of us are still scared about the 'witchhunts' that went on in the past and still happen now and then in some areas. If you have a lot of homeschoolers in your area then probably the local CPS people are educated on it and you shouldn't have a problem. If you don't know many other people in your area who homeschool, you can always call your CPS office yourself and talk to an intake worker and tell them what is going on and that you think your crazy relative may be making a revenge call, they are likely really familiar with the whole 'revenge' call thing and believe me your relative isn't the first one to pull that crap.

 

Overall you should be fine, don't waste time worrying about this. No one needs that kind of negativity in their life.

[Birdwinglips]

I would first and foremost remove her as a friend on FB then block her so you won't get posts/messages from her and she won't see anything from you anywhere on FB. Then I would use a few days of school for 'home ec.' where you all work together going room by room cleaning together. It will give you peace of mind not to hear from her anymore, and you will feel better about your home. By the way, mine often looks as if the closets exploded. I get the laundry done but hanging and putting away are another thing. Piles of clean clothes abound.

I didn't see the age of your kids, but mine love small treats for each room cleaned and they range from 5-10yo. Working together helps get each room cleaned and I don't get worn out doing it all. My 5yo LOVES to mop. She will put her rain boots on to do it. lol

Best wishes and try not to worry.

[Happy]

I concur with those who've urged you to disengage from this woman.

 

As someone who did a three year ugly war with my sibling in trying to honor my mom's last wishes, engaging with one of these people is futile. Pointless. They are angry and anything you do makes it worse.

 

Stop.

 

Now.

 

Just stop. Go into neutral and be calm. Focus on your children and your home. Breathe deeply. Pray. Unfriend this woman. She won't know until she tries to post or find your wall. If asked about it...ignore. Do not answer emails from her. No phone calls. She does NOT exist anymore in your world.

 

That would also be advice I'd give your mom.

 

Remember, if someone 'official' comes to your door. Be polite, be firm, and do NOT let them in your home. Take their card, ask for their concerns in writing, and promise to answer that. People need a legal reason to come IN your home.

 

Disengage, girlie. Get back to focusing on your children.

[mo2]

The ONLY reason I would have to worry is that my triplets were born prematurely, so they have some delays (which they are in therapy for). But that does mean that they are behind other kids their age. The good thing though is that there are a lot of therapists (and their notes!) in our lives that can vouch that the kids have made great progress even though they are still behind, so clearly we are doing something at home.

 

The fact that they are in therapy is GOOD. It is so much better than a child with delays/disabilities/whatever that *aren't* being addressed.

[Hedgehogs4]

If anyone comes to your door you do not let them in, and don't let them see past you into the house. Inform them that you will be calling your attorney and that if they show up again they must have a written court order / search warrant.

 

and tell your aunt to pound sand and totally block her, as a pp said.

[Word Nerd]

I would not personally block her on Facebook so that I could still see what she was posting if necessary. I would just change my settings so that she could no longer see or post on my wall.

[Ellie]

If you have someone in your life like this I think joining HSLDA is a good idea. We are members and have been for years and it gives me lot of peace. A LOT of it. Knowing I can call them 24/7 and have someone on my side? That's good stuff. I agree that it would be wise to take screen shots of what she's said and keep them handy. But if you have evidence that your children are getting the intervention they need I wouldn't worry too much!

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Of course, I think all homeschoolers should be members of HSLDA, even if they don't have crazy wacko people in their lives. :D

 

But I also agree with the poster who said that it is unlikely that an out-of-state report will trigger a visit from Child Protective Services (or whatever it's called in SC).

[TXBeth]

If anyone comes to your door you do not let them in, and don't let them see past you into the house. Inform them that you will be calling your attorney and that if they show up again they must have a written court order / search warrant.

 

and tell your aunt to pound sand and totally block her, as a pp said.

 

This is a great way to get a full investigation going. Better idea: let them in, let them see that your relative is a loon and you are just an ordinary family, let them leave. They write a report - case closed.

[NorthwestMom]

If it were me, I would tell that *$%!@ to get bent. Then I would tell her that I am following the letter of the law and that if she made trouble for me, I would be taking her to court and suing her for everything I could get. I would not say it nicely and I would NEVER have anything to do with that *$%!@ again, ever. I would unfriend her on Facebook, block her e-mail and telephone number and in general, pretend she was dead. But before all that, take screen shots of her absurd comments so you can use them as evidence.

 

Seriously, there is NO room in my life for toxic people like that. I am going through this (not this situation, but toxic relatives) in my own life. I have just decided that life is too short to risk infecting your family with toxic people. Shut them out and make no excuses.

 

That person does not care about you and your family, she should not be within 100 mile radius of you or your kids.

 

Gao Meixue, I love you.

[TraciWA]

Seems to me that could be a form of harassment. I would gently tell her to back off and delete her from my facebook friends. Your kids are your business not hers.

Sounds like your house is pretty sanitary but messy. Wouldn't sweat it!

[kiana]

If you're worried about her seeing that you've unfriended her and going over the edge because of that -- make a special group for her, Obnoxious Twits or something like that -- then set it so that that group can't see your wall posts etc.

[twoforjoy]

Honestly, I don't think I'd give it even a moment's thought. Homeschooling is legal in every state. You don't need to join an organization that has a political agenda that goes FAR beyond protecting the rights of homeschoolers in order to enjoy legal protection; you ARE legally protected, because homeschooling is legal.

 

The chances of CPS coming to your door about this are pretty much nil. I'd unfriend her, ignore any other attempts at contact, and just go on living your life.

[Halftime Hope]

I hear you. I just don't want to tick her off and tip the scales toward having her do something, you know? Unfortunately, she hasn't said anything outright threatening. QUOTE]

 

Megan,

 

You've said several times that you don't want to do things that would tick her off or tip the scales. I think your instinct is correct on that. If you can step back and look at things as though from a distance, and ask yourself what a reasonable person would do, let that principle be your guideline.

 

A reasonable person would not de-friend her on FB, but would change the settings so she can't see what is going on in your life. A reasonable person would probably stop on FB altogether for the time being, whilst getting priorities taken care of: the house, a routine for keeping it under control, and whatever else you need to give yourself some margin so that you can manage daily life with the wee ones, with room to breathe and enjoy one another.

 

A reasonable person would let her husband know about the veiled threats and seek his counsel since he is a partner in the situation.

 

A reasonable person would avoid any inflammatory actions or any further engagement with her. At all. She is a threat to your family.

 

A reasonable person migh consider letting the therapists and their supervisors know what is going on, so they can help you establish a paper trail. (That would be a decision to make with your husband.)

 

hth

[kalanamak]

Honestly, I don't think I'd give it even a moment's thought. Homeschooling is legal in every state. You don't need to join an organization that has a political agenda that goes FAR beyond protecting the rights of homeschoolers in order to enjoy legal protection; you ARE legally protected, because homeschooling is legal.

 

The chances of CPS coming to your door about this are pretty much nil. I'd unfriend her, ignore any other attempts at contact, and just go on living your life.

:iagree:

[happyhomemaker25]

CPS did come to my door one day. I was a member of HSLDA at the time and I met the lady outside while I called HSLDA. Chris Klicka, walked me through the whole thing.

She showed up one more time demanding entrance to my home. She was on a serious power trip and I knew letting her in would be a mistake. I called HSLDA, she called the police. The police officer berated HER for wasting his time. He said she had no probable cause or anything in writing. HSLDA told her to back off unless she had something in writing.

She never came back. It's been about 4 years since that happened and we have had no other problems.

It's a complete judgement call on your part. There is a document floating around the internet called What To Do If CPS Comes To Your Door (or something similar). It really gave me confidence to handle it when they showed up.

I've met other social workers who I would probably have let in, but when she showed up being rude and demanding I knew she'd try to find fault with everything and I was not comfortable having her in my home.

It's your home. You get to chose who comes in, don't let someone power trip you into thinking differently.

I would unfriend her on FB. I would completely ignore her. I would pretend she did not exist. That's the least I would do if she threatened my family that way. You don't have to tell her your unfriending her. She might not even notice for awhile. Or you could block her and then she would still show up in your friends list but not be able to see or comment on your posts. Maybe post something about taking a FB break right before you do it.

:grouphug: I am so sorry your having to deal with this on top of everything else. Some people are just bitter and selfish. I'd call what she is doing to you and your family more abusive than anything you have ever done. Please try to ignore her. During our time with CPS I found much comfort in the Psalms. There are many that talk about God taking a stand against false accusers and others trying to cause strife in your life. It was a real encouragement to me.

[chepyl]

This is a great way to get a full investigation going. Better idea: let them in, let them see that your relative is a loon and you are just an ordinary family, let them leave. They write a report - case closed.

 

HSLDA advises that you not let them in the house. If you're a member, you can call them and give the phone to the social worker while they stand on the porch.

 

TXBeth - Not all social workers think like your husband. I would not let them in my house.

[Parrothead]

I don't understand why you are letting this woman have so much power over you. It is time to take it back. Kick her out of your life. There is no need for her to contact you or your family. Do whatever it takes to get rid of her.

 

Next, your family has been threatened. Seriously. That is what it boils down to. It isn't time to run around in a tizzy wondering what to do. It is time to eliminate the threat. Instead of spending time here go take care of one thing that needs doing so you can have peace of mind. Instead of reading about other people's lives on FB, go do something positive about your own. Then do the next thing. And the next. Eventually your house will be in order.

 

Call in people who are actually your friends and barter for help. Or hire help. Put your kids to work. They can sit on the floor and roll socks. They can put dishes in the dishwasher (maybe not the most efficient way but at least you'll be making progress). They can put their toys away. They can help dust.

 

Finally get letters from your kid's doctors and therapists. Have a file on hand so that if and when someone shows up at your door you are armed with proper information.

[DarlaS]

HSLDA advises that you not let them in the house. If you're a member, you can call them and give the phone to the social worker while they stand on the porch.

 

TXBeth - Not all social workers think like your husband. I would not let them in my house.

 

 

:iagree:

 

If you get the kind that is looking for something wrong, they will find it.

[Amy in NH]

Stop engaging her and start deleting her posts off your wall.

 

Actually, I wouldn't do this. I would be taking screen shots of her posts to submit as evidence...

[Ellie]

Honestly, I don't think I'd give it even a moment's thought. Homeschooling is legal in every state. You don't need to join an organization that has a political agenda that goes FAR beyond protecting the rights of homeschoolers in order to enjoy legal protection; you ARE legally protected, because homeschooling is legal.

 

The chances of CPS coming to your door about this are pretty much nil. I'd unfriend her, ignore any other attempts at contact, and just go on living your life.

That homeschooling is legal in every state does not mean that homeschoolers who are in complaince with the law will be free from harrasment. If that were so, HSLDA would be completely out of business, as well as other organizations that defend homeschoolers' rights. And it certainly doesn't keep homeschoolers from being harrassed by CPS, who usually find some other way to go after homeschoolers.

[arghmatey]

If it were me, I would tell that *$%!@ to get bent. Then I would tell her that I am following the letter of the law and that if she made trouble for me, I would be taking her to court and suing her for everything I could get. I would not say it nicely and I would NEVER have anything to do with that *$%!@ again, ever. I would unfriend her on Facebook, block her e-mail and telephone number and in general, pretend she was dead. But before all that, take screen shots of her absurd comments so you can use them as evidence.

 

Seriously, there is NO room in my life for toxic people like that. I am going through this (not this situation, but toxic relatives) in my own life. I have just decided that life is too short to risk infecting your family with toxic people. Shut them out and make no excuses.

 

That person does not care about you and your family, she should not be within 100 mile radius of you or your kids.

 

This. And I'd pray for her, too.