Can't stop crying.

[Wabi Sabi]

I have spent months researching and preparing to homeschool ds this year beginning in first grade. Hhe went to a private school up until now for preschool and kindergarten but they didn't have a spot in first grade for him due to over enrollment. Besides, we couldn't afford it beyond kindergarten anyhow.

 

Almost a full year ago I also put his name in a lottery for a local charter school just to keep all of our options open. Fast forward to today and we got a phone call that a spot just came open. We have 24 hours to give them an answer and school starts Monday!

 

We visited this afternoon and I had to choke back tears the entire time. I don't want to send him. It's a good school, but I was so looking forward to homeschooling. Dh thinks that we would be stupid to let this opportunity pass us by and that we need to take the spot. Ds seems tentatively excited about the opportunity as well.

 

Meanwhile, I'm crushed. I'm not one prone to being overly emotional and easy to cry, but the tears have been flowing all afternoon. All these months of planning, buying curriculum, getting so excited. Just gone. I genuinely feel sick to my stomach.

[coffeegal]

:grouphug:

[sleepymommy]

:grouphug:

 

 

My sister went through something similar. She so badly wanted to homeschool but my nephew got in the lottery for the only gifted charter school in the county. It had a fantastic reputation and people thought she was crazy for thinking about giving up her spot. She struggled a lot with her decision, but in the end put him in because it was what her dh wanted. She still after/before schools him.

[love2read]

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how upsetting this must be. Remember, if he goes he doesn't have to stay and you can put that curriculum to good use after school and during the summer. I hope you gain peace about this soon, however it turns out.

[unsinkable]

:grouphug:

 

Aw, honey. That's tough.

 

But I'll echo what others said. He can start there but if it doesn't work out you can still homeschool.

 

Plus you can use your curric for enrichment.

 

:grouphug:

[LibraryLover]

My answer has changed. See post #12 if interested. lol

Edited August 2, 2011 by LibraryLover

[catholicmommy]

:grouphug: awww! How conflicting! Don't forget that you can always change your mind.... if it's not working out you can always pull him from school.

 

(or perhaps you need to talk to your dh about how you're feeling and see if he might change his mind? Even if a fabulous charter school were to open up and take my kids, I don't think i'd send them. we homeschool for many reasons, not just the academic ones).

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'd give the charter school a try. If it doesn't work out, you can pull him & homeschool. You can't just put him in the charter school again if you change your mind, though. We are also trying out a charter school in the fall.

[Marsha]

If I felt that strong about it..I wouldn't send him.

You will enjoy time with your child and save money. :)

 

Good luck in deciding. Either way I know it's a hard decision for you.

[kesmom]

:grouphug: I would feel exactly the same way.

[Denise in Florida]

The time was NOT WASTED. You are now much deeper informed about what you want and expect from any school your child might attend. You have also done the intellectual and emotional legwork to understand what is important to you and your family. This will make a huge difference in how you and your child approach learning, as active consumers not just passive participants.

 

This might be the right path for you, or you might change your mind, either way you are more informed than you would have been otherwise.

 

Wishing you and your child the best.

[LibraryLover]

Wait. Let's back up this bus!

 

You've already spent two years at the school? Was he happy? Were you happy?

 

Was no slot in his grade the only reason you removed him?

 

Does he even like school? Why are you crying? I would think long and hard about that!

[Shellydon]

Just because there is a spot doesn't mean you have to send him. Keep him home:001_smile:

[misidawnrn]

I am going to go against the grain a little. If you planned on homeschooling him, feel comfortable doing so (although I think we all have doubts in the beginning) then do it. Give the spot to someone who isn't as fortunate as you to be able to stay home and school your child and yet desires to have them in a charter school. I just did a paper on charter schools in NY last semester. I know they are cut throat hard to get into. Keep him home and make the best of homeschooling.

[Wabi Sabi]

Wait. Let's back up this bus!

 

You've already spent two years at the school? Was he happy? Were you happy?

 

Was no slot in his grade the only reason you removed him?

 

Does he even like school? Why are you crying? I would think long and hard about that!

 

Three years, actually. He's not returning this year because (1) they didn't have enough space and (2) we really couldn't afford it once he hit elementary. He was happy and so was I.

 

However, it was different. He was only there 3 hours/day. The charter school is almost 8 hours/day. His previous school was a Montessori where he had lots of freedom to work at his own pace and follow his own interests within a very structured overall framework. Before he even started kindergarten we knew that it would most likely be his last year there and we began considering all of our options.

 

I'm upset because of all the months of planning that I've done. I'm upset because we had so many fun plans for this year. Although he was happy at his previous school, we were both just REALLY looking forward to this next phase. Most of all, I was excited about the time that ds and I would get to spend together and the freedom that we would have during that time. Now, with a longer than average school day, our time together will be even more limited.

[justamouse]

Three years, actually. He's not returning this year because (1) they didn't have enough space and (2) we really couldn't afford it once he hit elementary. He was happy and so was I.

 

However, it was different. He was only there 3 hours/day. The charter school is almost 8 hours/day. His previous school was a Montessori where he had lots of freedom to work at his own pace and follow his own interests within a very structured overall framework. Before he even started kindergarten we knew that it would most likely be his last year there and we began considering all of our options.

 

I'm upset because of all the months of planning that I've done. I'm upset because we had so many fun plans for this year. Although he was happy at his previous school, we were both just REALLY looking forward to this next phase. Most of all, I was excited about the time that ds and I would get to spend together and the freedom that we would have during that time. Now, with a longer than average school day, our time together will be even more limited.

 

There are many reasons I homeschool-academics being not the greatest on the list. You really need to think about WHY you want to homeschool.

 

You can always pull him out.

[catz]

I vote for don't send him too. We actually had an opportunity for a gifted magnet school, but it was far from perfect and homeschooling seemed so great at the time. And it has been for 3 years. I'd have a serious heart to heart with your DH ASAP!

[DianeW88]

I wouldn't send him. An eight hour school day for a 6 year old? :001_huh: That's insane.

[justamouse]

I wouldn't send him. An eight hour school day for a 6 year old? :001_huh: That's insane.

:iagree:

 

:grouphug:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Wait. Let's back up this bus!

 

You've already spent two years at the school? Was he happy? Were you happy?

 

Was no slot in his grade the only reason you removed him?

 

Does he even like school? Why are you crying? I would think long and hard about that!

 

Just because there is a spot doesn't mean you have to send him. Keep him home:001_smile:

 

:iagree: You are still the one calling the shots, Mama.

 

If he goes away for school this year, let it be on your own terms and with peace in your heart. If that's not possible, keep him home.

Edited August 2, 2011 by Dulcimeramy
edited to add that 8 hours/day is WAY too long

[Ria]

I'm upset because of all the months of planning that I've done. I'm upset because we had so many fun plans for this year. Although he was happy at his previous school, we were both just REALLY looking forward to this next phase. Most of all, I was excited about the time that ds and I would get to spend together and the freedom that we would have during that time. Now, with a longer than average school day, our time together will be even more limited.

 

Sweetie, hang in there. This might not be as bad as it seems right now. Your planning was awesome! Now, use your knowledge to go through what he'll be learning at school this year and figure out how you can make those lessons come alive! Yes, you will have less time with your son, but let me be clear - a homeschooling mom is not totally devoted to her child for 8 hours daily. No way. There's laundry, cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after puking animals (sorry, a bit of my life creeping in here), errands, shopping, making breakfasts, lunches, dinners (did I mention this was a daily thing, all this cooking?!)....it all needs to get done. All that stuff? You'll have it over and done by the time this child gets home, so you can just be with your child. You will enjoy listening to him. Sharing.

 

It's not homeschooling, but it isn't worse! It's just different. But you, mama, can give him so much more for all the work you've put into his education already. You rock!

Edited August 2, 2011 by Ria

[Wabi Sabi]

I wouldn't send him. An eight hour school day for a 6 year old? :001_huh: That's insane.

 

Yeah. School begins at 8:00 sharp, so they suggest dropping him off about 10-15 minutes early so that he can get into the classroom, put away his things and be ready to go at 8:00 (they open the doors early and the teachers arrive early for this purpose.)

 

Pick up isn't until 3:30 so overall you're looking at right around 7.75 hours assuming that the child is dropped off at 7:45.

[2cents]

Well, your dh says that the charter is too good an opportunity to miss out on. This kinda infers that hsing would be less of an opportunity.

 

You should dig up some of the stats on how well hsing students have done and let him know that the opportunity YOU are offering him is much to good to pass up! ;) :grouphug:

[eloquacious]

So sad, and yet potentially so exciting. I guess I'd go with the "try the charter, then if it doesn't work out educate at home," people, but it's a little bit selfish, as others have pointed out. Still, you're supposed to be working in the best interests of your son and family.

[Runningmom80]

We were in the same spot, and chose homeschooling. The gifted charter was an excellent choice, but homeschooling still offers my child the most.

 

 

Think of it as opening a spot for a child who doesn't have a better option. :grouphug:

[Alicia64]

We were in the EXACT same situation. Great school. Lottery system. Both kids got in.

 

So we tried it for five months.

 

And pulled them out at Christmas.

 

Homeschooling has been a much, much better lifestyle for us. The charter school was just one red flag after another.

 

Alley

[LauraGB]

:grouphug:

 

Maybe the elementary school will stink and you'll need to bring him home, and then you'll already have the plan in place to pick up where he left off. School beyond the "preschool" years is a different beast all together.

 

That's sort of what happened in our case. Great school, great curricula, great teachers...by Thanksgiving of first grade they were home for good.

[Stephrhena]

That sure is a tough decision! I agree with one of the previous posters about finding your reasons for homeschooling. I love teaching my children, but there are days that I absolutely want to quit! It isn't all roses by any means! ha! I say, go with your heart on this one!

[NanceXToo]

Keep him home!

 

You've planned for this. You've researched this. You've been excited about this. You have all sorts of great plans, and most importantly, you were going to get to bond with him, spend more time with him, etc. And you're obviously not thrilled about turning around and sending him off for a full day every day at this point. So don't!

 

Just because the slot opened doesn't mean you have to take it.

[Caraway]

Even if a fabulous charter school were to open up and take my kids, I don't think i'd send them. we homeschool for many reasons, not just the academic ones).

 

Keep him home!

[WiseOwlKnits]

I'd keep him home and go on as you've been planning.

[Mandy in TN]

We visited this afternoon and I had to choke back tears the entire time. I don't want to send him. It's a good school, but I was so looking forward to homeschooling. Dh thinks that we would be stupid to let this opportunity pass us by and that we need to take the spot. Ds seems tentatively excited about the opportunity as well.

bolding mine

 

You want to homeschool, because you researched, bought, and made plans. However, that is all about you. Is there another reason that involves your ds? Do you think that he won't do well academically, socially, or in some other way? Is there some benefit to homeschooling your ds that would make sense to your dh? Because, your dh has said quite bluntly that homeschooling instead of taking this spot is stupid. I would never attempt to homeschool if my dh was adamantly against the choice.

 

:grouphug: Mandy

[LidiyaDawn]

I would never attempt to homeschool if my dh was adamantly against the choice.

 

 

 

So why does the dad get to send him when the mom is "adamantly against the choice"?

[Tree House Academy]

I am sorry! :( But hey..you can still put all that curriculum to use...just do some afterschooling! :)

[LarlaB]

We just went through a version of this in my household... its hard. :grouphug: I"m sorry you're in this position.

 

We just moved 5 weeks ago- 1500 miles away. I had just picked out a new spelling curriculum which was our final piece of the puzzle for this fall, and a few days later was adapting to the reality that we would be sending DD to a small Christian school. It was DH's idea, given that we have just moved- he gently pointed out that it might be best for all of us if we took a year off from homeschooling. He is right.

 

But honestly, it took many days of me getting 'myself & my issues/needs/agenda' out of the mix to really look and see what looks to be best for her & our entire family for THIS year. I have done planning, yes I have the vision, yes I love homeschooling and have immersed myself in it for 3 years. "I" wanted to homeschool this year....yet, after many intense days of discussion & prayer, I came to fully see DH's perspective and have found as the days go by, that I agree more and more and am now excited about this new opportunity for my DD. Its not just about me...its not even just about DD- for us, its a family decision. It looks to be best for our entire family. DD will still receive a quality education this coming year, just not from me. Our family schedule will have to adapt, and I have to buy stupid uniforms & school supplies and re-pack our homeschooling books. :glare:

 

All that to say, examine exactly why you are resistant to school and also why your husband is so excited about it. For me, if this door/opportunity is open in front of us and we DON'T take it, how can we really know we are choosing what is best if we've never tried another way? Yes- ideologically, I believe that DC will receive a far superior education at home in these early years...but that just one aspect of our lives.

 

It's not permanent. You may find that it doesn't fit with what you want your family to look like... or you may be surprised that after a few months, its really great. DC may go one year & love it, but you still decide that HS is the best option. The final chapters aren't written....take it one year at a time. :grouphug:

[Wabi Sabi]

Dh doesn't think it's stupid to homeschool. He just knows that spaces at this charter school are very coveted and that there are many families in the community who would do anything for a spot. Given that there's no commitment - we could send ds to school and if we don't like it, eh, no biggie, just pull him and homeschool- then why not at least try it? He thinks it would just be smartest to keep it available as an option.

 

That said, he was surprised at how emotional I've been tonight. He says he had no idea that it meant that much to me and that he's fine with absolutely whatever I decide. He's leaving the decision totally up to me.

 

I know what decision I want to make, but still hesitant to make such a final choice on short notice like this.

[Runningmom80]

Dh doesn't think it's stupid to homeschool. He just knows that spaces at this charter school are very coveted and that there are many families in the community who would do anything for a spot. Given that there's no commitment - we could send ds to school and if we don't like it, eh, no biggie, just pull him and homeschool- then why not at least try it? He thinks it would just be smartest to keep it available as an option.

 

That said, he was surprised at how emotional I've been tonight. He says he had no idea that it meant that much to me and that he's fine with absolutely whatever I decide. He's leaving the decision totally up to me.

 

I know what decision I want to make, but still hesitant to make such a final choice on short notice like this.

 

 

I understand. I went back and forth until thhe last possible second. I even started getti the paperwork for the charter together. I just had to stop, and close out all the noise, and think about what I wanted for DS, and where he was most likely to get it. I decided homeschooling was still better,

 

Think of the charter as second place to HSing, even if second place is awesome, it's still second place, you know?

(no offense to the silver medalists out there! ;))

[Rebookie]

Well if worse comes to worse. Put him into the Charter School and if he isn't thriving take him out next year. I am sorry you had to face this dilemma. =( You can ALWAYS sell anything you've bought on Ebay or craigslist.

 

Good luck to your family!

[Mandy in TN]

So why does the dad get to send him when the mom is "adamantly against the choice"?

In this situation, it sounds like the husband agreed to homeschooling as a last resort, because there didn't seem to be another option. With this new option, the husband feels strongly that this school is best for their child. The reasons the wife has given for wanting to homeschool are all about her. The wife hasn't given a reasonable explanation to her husband for him to decide that homeschooling is the better option. In order for the husband to change his mind, the wife would need to present her reasons for thinking that homeschooling is the better option. She has not presented a case where homeschooling is the best option for their child. Instead she has emotionally said that she really wanted to homeschool. If she wants to homeschool, because this is what she believes is best for their child, she needs to explain why academically, socially, or in some other way homeschooling is the better option. If this decision is worth debating to the point of argument, then the best position to take would be to say: I want this for our son. It is best for him, because... Then, discuss the options from this POV. After all it would be best for everyone involved if they came to an agreement and stood united on this decision.

I said that I would never homeschool if my spouse was adamantly against doing so. I stand behind that statement. For me, personally, my marriage is more important than homeschooling.

Hope that explains.

To the original poster- if you feel homeschooling is best for your son, then by all means lay out a logical argument why this is true. Wipe your eyes, stand your ground, and explain this to your husband. I did not mean to imply that you and your husband should not reasonably debate this issue.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[jewellsmommy]

Keep him home!

 

You've planned for this. You've researched this. You've been excited about this. You have all sorts of great plans, and most importantly, you were going to get to bond with him, spend more time with him, etc. And you're obviously not thrilled about turning around and sending him off for a full day every day at this point. So don't!

 

Just because the slot opened doesn't mean you have to take it.

 

 

:iagree:

 

And as another poster pointed out, someone else will get to be blessed with the spot. So, you get to feel good about that too. It seems like a win/win situation to me! :D

[Starr]

If you keep him home it's not on short notice. You have carefully thought this through and researched it. :grouphug: (I would keep him home.)

[justamouse]

In all honesty, I wouldn't be putting my small kiddo on a bus for some special school that was taking him away for 7.5 hours. They are just too small for that. Yes, kids do it every day, yes, they survive, but those kids aren't MY kid.

 

There's not much you can screw up with one so young. Really. Just the fact that you are that upset about it shows your intent is to really DO this homeschooling thing (not just brush teeth and call it a day).

[LibraryLover]

Nice post, Ria!

 

One can always take him out of school! A coveted spot in an excellent school (which do exist! lol) is not something to lightly dismiss, especially if it is something special and/or another parent thinks it to be a good thing.

 

You will never stop being his caring parent, even if you decide to utilize some of the opportunities a thoughtful school might be able to offer!

 

 

Sweetie, hang in there. This might not be as bad as it seems right now. Your planning was awesome! Now, use your knowledge to go through what he'll be learning at school this year and figure out how you can make those lessons come alive! Yes, you will have less time with your son, but let me be clear - a homeschooling mom is not totally devoted to her child for 8 hours daily. No way. There's laundry, cooking, cleaning, cleaning up after puking animals (sorry, a bit of my life creeping in here), errands, shopping, making breakfasts, lunches, dinners (did I mention this was a daily thing, all this cooking?!)....it all needs to get done. All that stuff? You'll have it over and done by the time this child gets home, so you can just be with your child. You will enjoy listening to him. Sharing.

 

It's not homeschooling, but it isn't worse! It's just different. But you, mama, can give him so much more for all the work you've put into his education already. You rock!

Edited August 3, 2011 by LibraryLover

[ktgrok]

Ok, you planned on homeschooling him. You want to bond with him. You have put lots of thought into it. This isn't a split second decision. And most importantly, you never get this time back. He will never be 6 again. He will never be a first grader again. There is plenty of time for school, but only a very very short time to hang out with and bond with a small child. Keep him home while he is little, and help him really develop a love of learning. Don't let school take that from him. You can always go back to school, but you can't undo the harm school does.

[LibraryLover]

He's only 6?

[Mommy22alyns]

Just because there's a spot doesn't mean you have to take it. It sounds like you really, really wanted to homeschool. Why let that opportunity pass you by? I'd keep him home.

[Peela]

I am at the other end of the spectrum with my son at age 15, wanting to come home to homeschool after spending 6 months at high school.

 

I am really feeling that doubt, that pull towards institutionalised thinking...its a good school, surely he would be better off there....etc etc. The mainstream belief that school is the best way, virtually the only way, to bring up a productive citizen, is sooo strong. Dh is even more full of doubt about homeschooling again...which isn't helping much. He is leaving the decision to me, though, since I am the one taking it on my shoulders for the next 2.5 years.

 

What is swaying me most towards homeschooling again is the lifestyle and the fact that ds is actually inspired to homeschool, and remembers the freedom of it. Of all that time to follow his passions. And on his 3rd day at home again (although we havent made the final decision), he is happy, lighthearted, inspired, and READING again, which he had stopped doing the whole time he was in school.

 

It's hard to step away from institutionalised thinking and look at your child and trust your instincts for him, when probably everyone in your life just doesn't understand. Trust yourself.

 

But even if you send him to school....its not the end. Thats a lot of hours...it may not work...he may burn out.

Can I say, though, that I wish I had just trusted my desire to homeschool right from the beginning...my son went to school till 2nd grade, and the damage done to his self esteem and his desire to learn, was very great and took years to undo. I wish I had homeschooled him all along.

[LidiyaDawn]

In this situation, it sounds like the husband agreed to homeschooling as a last resort, because there didn't seem to be another option. With this new option, the husband feels strongly that this school is best for their child. The reasons the wife has given for wanting to homeschool are all about her. The wife hasn't given a reasonable explanation to her husband for him to decide that homeschooling is the better option. In order for the husband to change his mind, the wife would need to present her reasons for thinking that homeschooling is the better option. She has not presented a case where homeschooling is the best option for their child. Instead she has emotionally said that she really wanted to homeschool. If she wants to homeschool, because this is what she believes is best for their child, she needs to explain why academically, socially, or in some other way homeschooling is the better option. If this decision is worth debating to the point of argument, then the best position to take would be to say: I want this for our son. It is best for him, because... Then, discuss the options from this POV. After all it would be best for everyone involved if they came to an agreement and stood united on this decision.

I said that I would never homeschool if my spouse was adamantly against doing so. I stand behind that statement. For me, personally, my marriage is more important than homeschooling.

Hope that explains.

 

 

I guess. It sounds rather formal and stiff for us- dh and I would just battle it out until one of us caved. :laugh:

[Runningmom80]

I guess. It sounds rather formal and stiff for us- dh and I would just battle it out until one of us caved. :laugh:

 

 

 

 

I won't even go that far, we'll battle it out until he sees that I'm right. :lol:

[LibraryLover]

Is a bus involved? Is it really 7.5 hours a day? Even my high school student doesn't attend school for 7.5 hours a day-- and he doesn't take a bus.

 

When my kids were in private school (and this child is going to a charter school, which could be sort of like a private school, no?) , I walked them into their classroom at 8:30, and picked them by 2:30. We never did public elementary school, so I can't speak to that.

 

I know this is a hs board, but some parents here do afterschool, and I think we should consider whether we are taking truth or rhetoric.

 

Is all I am saying...

 

In all honesty, I wouldn't be putting my small kiddo on a bus for some special school that was taking him away for 7.5 hours. They are just too small for that. Yes, kids do it every day, yes, they survive, but those kids aren't MY kid.

 

There's not much you can screw up with one so young. Really. Just the fact that you are that upset about it shows your intent is to really DO this homeschooling thing (not just brush teeth and call it a day).

Edited August 3, 2011 by LibraryLover