Need advice! Please vote

[Home'scool]

My older daughter (age 17) got a job a year ago at the local pizza parlor. It was the first place she walked into to apply and she was hired on the spot. We were not really familiar with this particular place because it is on the other end of town for us and we get our pizza elsewhere.

 

It turns out this is THE place to work in town because:

 

1) Everybody knows it and raves about their food.

2) It is the hangout place for all the teenagers. It is where they all go after their games, parties, etc. It is always packed with all the kids from her school.

3) They tend to only hire girls to work the counter and it has the reputation of hiring "pretty" girls to bring in the boys. This has brought my daughter a lot of positive attention, as in "Oh of course they hired you. They only hire the pretty girls!" It is a bit of a status symbol to work there.

4) They are super flexible about shifts. My daughter started working there in May, and in June she had to take 3 weeks off due to prior commitments. They were fine with it, and always accommodate requests for time off, etc.

5) They pay over minimum wage

 

Now my younger daughter wants to work there too. She is 14 so she has very little chance of being hired any place else. Anywhere she has looked she is told they are not hiring. Plus, anytime she comes into this pizza place the manager always says "Are you looking for work? Let me know when you want to start training and we will put you on the schedule!" She is dying to work there for all the reasons above.

 

My older one does NOT want her to work there. They get along really well, and do a lot of things together so that is not an issue. She just feels like this is "her" place where she has made a name for herself and that having her sister there will change that a bit. She just says that it will make things different.

 

So, on the one hand I get what my older one is saying. I worked with my sister when we were teenagers, and it does create a different dynamic. You can't be as silly or flirty or as crazy as you like because your sister is there -- and sometimes with that comes judgement or a "what are you doing that for?" attitude. She feels like this is her space and she would like to keep it that way.

 

On the other hand, I understand my younger daughter wanting to work there. Why would she work anyplace else when this place is so fun, accommodating, and so popular with all the teens? This job is just sitting there waiting for her.

 

Usually as a mother I can see one side more than another so I make the decision and that is that. But this one...... I see and understand both sides.

 

So, what which side would you take?

[dcjlkplus3]

I am biased toward the older sister, because I am an older sister, and it is very nice and usually rare to have something that is wholly "yours". I would also imagine that dd the elder will not be working working there much longer (unless she has plans to attend college living at home).

 

I also do not see much if any need for a 14 year old to be working like that. I don't think I would want my 14 year old working at the teen hangout spot. *to me* 14 is just too young for that.

 

If it is on the other end of town, does dd the elder drive there? Would she be responsible for getting her much younger sister to work if they work together?

[kristinannie]

I am biased toward the older sister, because I am an older sister, and it is very nice and usually rare to have something that is wholly "yours". I would also imagine that dd the elder will not be working working there much longer (unless she has plans to attend college living at home).

 

I also do not see much if any need for a 14 year old to be working like that. I don't think I would want my 14 year old working at the teen hangout spot. *to me* 14 is just too young for that.

 

If it is on the other end of town, does dd the elder drive there? Would she be responsible for getting her much younger sister to work if they work together?

 

 

:iagree: For a 14 year old, I would suggest babysitting. It is great tax-free income!

[Home'scool]

She has babysat, and definitely made more per hour than her sister!

 

The only problem is babysitting is so unreliable. She can go weeks without being called for a job. And meanwhile she sees her sister get a weekly paycheck and buy clothes, jewelry, buy her own iphone. She has even saved up enough to buy a car.

 

14 is young, and I know my older one at 14 wasn't even thinking about a job. It's just when you are the younger one you see the older one having all this fun and cash and you want that too.

[jujsky]

I think older daughter should deal with it. Younger DD will have a difficult time finding a job since she's only 14 and it's highly unlikely she'll make more than minimum wage. It's also not like she has gone in there and bugged them to hire her -- they asked HER. Is it possible that they could work different shifts since the place is so flexible? Wouldn't that solve the problem?

[Parrothead]

I'm saying this as an older sister.

 

There are somethings one is entitled to simply by being eldest. Exclusive rights to work at the cool place is not one of them.

[Mrs Mungo]

For *me* I would want the girls to each have their own space. It's not about the privilege of being the eldest, she had that job first. My girls have separate pursuits and activities because I don't want them constantly in each other's lane.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I didn't respond to the poll because I am surprised that a 14yo is thinking about finding a 'real' job.

 

Where do you live??? In our area a 14yo cannot work 'on the books'; a youngster cannot get a work permit until 15.5. Most 14yos are happy to babysit, do yard work, housecleaning, etc.

[hsmom]

I would say it is okay as long as they can work out shifts they don't work together maybe. So, there is still space.

 

My 14 year old is also looking for a job not with much luck either.

[melissel]

I am biased toward the older sister, because I am an older sister, and it is very nice and usually rare to have something that is wholly "yours". I would also imagine that dd the elder will not be working working there much longer (unless she has plans to attend college living at home).

 

I also do not see much if any need for a 14 year old to be working like that. I don't think I would want my 14 year old working at the teen hangout spot. *to me* 14 is just too young for that.

 

I agree. Also, am I the only one picturing Mystic Pizza here?

[Trish]

I think it's more of an issue of whether you want your 14-year-old working at all. As far as the pizza place being the older sis's place, "that's life." You don't get to stake out a claim on the various things of life because you got there first. To take it to an extreme, what if she resents her sister for getting married sooner because "she ought to be first?" That's life.

[catz]

For *me* I would want the girls to each have their own space. It's not about the privilege of being the eldest, she had that job first. My girls have separate pursuits and activities because I don't want them constantly in each other's lane.

 

:iagree: 14 is incredibly young for a job anyway. If she were 15 or 16, then maybe. I'd let your older move on first and then maybe your younger could consider that pizza place. If she wants more babysitting gigs, start spreading the word. Or I'd encourage her to pursue more extra curriculars to fill her time. Maybe do some volunteer work in an interest area.

 

I also find it a little alarming that girls that work at this place are being objectified by their looks. As girls approach adulthood, I would expect they can deal with this. But I'm not sure I'd want to put my 14 year old in that position quite yet.

[Entropymama]

I agree. Also, am I the only one picturing Mystic Pizza here?

 

Exactly what I was thinking. :D

 

You say your older DD is 17.. does that mean in a year she'll be moving on to college or elsewhere? If so maybe younger DD can wait a year before going to work there. 14 is pretty young, especially to be getting all that teen boy attention.

[Impish]

I'm saying this as an older sister.

 

There are somethings one is entitled to simply by being eldest. Exclusive rights to work at the cool place is not one of them.

:iagree: I also agree with those that said 14 is a bit young for a job yet. I'd encourage her to wait a year.

[Mrs Mungo]

:iagree: 14 is incredibly young for a job anyway. If she were 15 or 16, then maybe. I'd let your older move on first and then maybe your younger could consider that pizza place.

 

 

Good point.

[Cheryl in NM]

I think your older daughter is being selfish. Your daughters are 2 different people. Your older daughter needs to realize that and not deprive her sister of an opportunity just because it might "cut into" what she perceives as "hers". That being said, I'd make sure there's no funny business going on with the manager. A man who surrounds himself with pretty teenage girls might not be trustworthy.

 

On the other hand, it might not be the best environment for a 14 year old girl. It sounded to me like the counter girls were treated kinda like a piece of meat to lure in the boys. I would not want my daughter to grow into womanhood with that mentality. I'd also be leery of a manager trying to entice a 14 year old to work there.

 

In NM a 14 year old has to receive permission from the state, the parents and the school (homeschool parents) to work and even then most employers won't hire them because their general liability insurance rates would go up. It's even hard for anyone under 18 to get a job here.

[Home'scool]

We live in Massachusetts. You can work when you are 14. I think this place is a bit loose about some things. They never asked for a work permit for my older daughter even though it is supposed to be required. She sometimes works until closing (11:00 p.m.) when legally she is supposed to only work until 9:00 p.m.

 

This place is a small business run by a crazy-funny Greek family. They have been there for about 25 years. All the cooks are Brazilian - they play music and dance around in the kitchen. There is definitely a Mardi Gras atmosphere there that adds to it all. I think it is one of the reasons all the teenagers go there. That and the fact that the menu has literally over 50 items and they run promos like "beat the clock pizza" starting at 4:00 p.m. where you pay what the clock says for time. Or if you yell out "easy squeezy mac-n-cheesy" you get 10% off your mac-n-cheese pizza.

[Riverland]

There were six kids in my family, and three of us worked at the same store. The oldest sibling was hired AFTER I was. We fought a lot at home, but understood that at work we were responsible to the company that was paying us. That, in itself, was a great lesson and experience for us.

 

I say *three cheers* to the younger daughter who wants to start working already! What a great attitude. There are so many neighbor kids and friends of my kids that do not want to work. They just hang out all day killing time, spending money their parents give to them.

[Mom0012]

If the younger daughter were 16, I'd say let her work there. Since she's so young, I would let the oldest have her space and then the younger can work there when she's a little older.

 

Lisa

[ChristineW]

Older sis needs to deal with it. Little sis hasn't actively tried to encroach on her area but the boss wants little sis on board. She should take it as a compliment to her work ethic.

[gardening momma]

I worked in a retail store that had a basement where we kept extra stock and also took and shipped out orders (from the basement). It was kind of like two completely different parts of the company. You either worked in one area or the other. I worked in the basement, and then my younger sister started working upstairs in the retail store. That was fine, until they transferred me upstairs. We did not get along on the same floor. We definitely had disagreements, but I was wise enough to not carry on arguments in public, in front of customers and other employees. My sister was oblivious to that bit of common sense. They eventually transferred her downstairs because it just did not work to have us together.

 

I would not have 2 siblings working together unless they always get along.

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[Susan in KY]

14 is incredibly young for a job anyway. If she were 15 or 16, then maybe.... But I'm not sure I'd want to put my 14 year old in that position quite yet.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[mommaduck]

I'm saying this as an older sister.

 

There are somethings one is entitled to simply by being eldest. Exclusive rights to work at the cool place is not one of them.

 

:iagree: My husband has had his brother work at the same place as him on multiple occasions. I and my SIL worked the same job for a couple of months. Most of the time, you just do your job. Only once, was it an issue.

[OLG]

If the younger daughter were 16, I'd say let her work there. Since she's so young, I would let the oldest have her space and then the younger can work there when she's a little older.

 

Lisa

 

:iagree:

 

Awfully young to be in that environment....

[Remudamom]

I'm flabbergasted that you would want your 14 yr old girl to work in that type of situation. Big age difference between your girls right now. 14. 17.

[kchara]

I'd let the little sister work there, if I were you. As an oldest, I had PLENTY of fights with my brother about "mine" and "his" (mostly about friends that turned into girlfriends...:glare: but that's another story). Anyway, I do see where your oldest is coming from, but at the same time, I don't think giving her exclusive rights to such a good job is fair to the younger, either.

 

I started working on my 14th birthday, and I think it really contributed to my work ethic as I got older. Mine will all be entering the workforce in some way as soon as the law says they can get a work permit. My job wasn't NEARLY as cool as it sounds like that place is, though!!

[LidiyaDawn]

Lots of 14/15 year olds work in fast food, stores, etc here…I don't find anything odd about the 14 year old wanting a job that pays more than babysitting or selling lemonade. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'd tell the older sister (and I am one) that part of being out there in the work world is understanding that it's not your bedroom (or side of the car) where you can whine about someone getting in your space. Deal with it. ;)

[Home'scool]

I'm flabbergasted that you would want your 14 yr old girl to work in that type of situation.

 

What type of situation? I am a bit confused by this ...

[LidiyaDawn]

What type of situation? I am a bit confused by this ...

 

Looks like you're getting a bit of parenting judgment mixed in with the situation specific advice that you requested. I don't know *why*…but it happens sometimes.

[melissel]

What type of situation? I am a bit confused by this ...

 

I think people are referring to this:

 

3) They tend to only hire girls to work the counter and it has the reputation of hiring "pretty" girls to bring in the boys. This has brought my daughter a lot of positive attention' date=' as in "Oh of course they hired you. They only hire the pretty girls!"[/quote']

[Home'scool]

I think people are referring to this:

 

 

Quote:

3) They tend to only hire girls to work the counter and it has the reputation of hiring "pretty" girls to bring in the boys. This has brought my daughter a lot of positive attention, as in "Oh of course they hired you. They only hire the pretty girls!"

 

Ah, I see. Well, we did not know this when she applied there. Like I said, this place was unknown to us due to being on the other side of town and homeschooling. So it wasn't like we sought out this situation. It was after she worked there for a bit that she found out. If she was being exploited for her looks she would not be working there. But sheesh, people, some recognition for being pretty at age 16 is not something I am going to get pissed about!

 

And the girls wear polo shirts with the company logo on them. They actually all complain how nerdy the shirts are. It's not like Hooters or anything.

Edited July 1, 2011 by Home'scool
horrible grammar

[mommaduck]

Ah' date=' I see. Well, we did not know this when she applied there. Like I said, this place was unknown to us due to being on the other side of town and homeschooling. So it wasn't like we seeked out this situation. It was after she worked there for a bit that she found out. If she was being exploited for her looks she would not be working there. But sheesh, people, some recognition for being pretty at age 16 is not something I am going to get pissed about!

 

And the girls wear polo shirts with the company logo on them. They actually all complain how nerdy the shirts are. It's not like Hooters or anything.[/quote']

 

Ah now you've done it! You brought up Hooters! Where are the men in kilts? We need them now! :D

[melissel]

Ah' date=' I see. Well, we did not know this when she applied there. Like I said, this place was unknown to us due to being on the other side of town and homeschooling. So it wasn't like we seeked out this situation. It was after she worked there for a bit that she found out. If she was being exploited for her looks she would not be working there. But sheesh, people, some recognition for being pretty at age 16 is not something I am going to get pissed about!

 

And the girls wear polo shirts with the company logo on them. They actually all complain how nerdy the shirts are. It's not like Hooters or anything.[/quote']

 

I hear you. I think the main concern was that while a 17-year-old is old enough and most likely mature enough to understand and go beyond this sort of setting, a 14-year-old might not be. That seems to be what most people were saying, I thought.

 

Personally, I'm an only child, so I don't really know what you should do. I'm :bigear: for when my two are older though!

[happi duck]

Ah now you've done it! You brought up Hooters! Where are the men in kilts? We need them now! :D

 

:lol::lol: Cue the kilts!

[Cheryl in NM]

I hear you. I think the main concern was that while a 17-year-old is old enough and most likely mature enough to understand and go beyond this sort of setting, a 14-year-old might not be. That seems to be what most people were saying, I thought.

 

Personally, I'm an only child, so I don't really know what you should do. I'm :bigear: for when my two are older though!

 

This is the point I was trying to make. 14 year olds usually aren't able to separate the finer details of using your looks to increase business but to not base your self-worth on your looks.

 

I really commend your 14 year old for wanting to work at this age, but I probably wouldn't allow her to work at this place because of the environment. I'd wait until she was older and maybe mature enough to understand the above paragraph.

 

I would also wonder why your 14 yo wants to work there. Is it because it's such a status symbol? Is that were you want her priorities?

 

I'm not attacking or being judgmental, as a pp suggested, but offering thoughts and advice as you asked.

[Mrs Mungo]

Ah now you've done it! You brought up Hooters! Where are the men in kilts? We need them now! :D

 

Do you just stalk threads and wait for the perfect time to bring up kilts? :lol:

[mommaduck]

Do you just stalk threads and wait for the perfect time to bring up kilts? :lol:

 

LOL! No. I just thought it was a good contrast to Hooters and couldn't help but mention them :)

[Home'scool]

I would also wonder why your 14 yo wants to work there. Is it because it's such a status symbol? Is that were you want her priorities?

 

She wants to work there because, being the younger one, she has had to watch her sister make money and then go to the mall and buy things, get an iphone, have enough money to think about buying a car, etc etc. So of course she wants to have that ability too.

 

Her other choices for employment are McDonalds, Burger King, the local supermarket, or a kinda lame pizza place that hardly anyone goes to. The fun place that everyone hangs out at tends to trump all those other jobs.

[Kim in Appalachia]

I voted that the younger dd should fine somewhere else. While the main purpose of a teenager having a job is extra cash, it also is a time for the teen to grow up a bit, and find out who she is outside of the family dynamics. If your dd was ok with it, then it would be fine, but she feels like she needs space.

 

If you need your dd14 to work, meaning, money is truly an issue, then I would tell the older dd that she'll have to deal with it, because right now you need to the money and it's the only job available.

[dirty ethel rackham]

 

There are somethings one is entitled to simply by being eldest. Exclusive rights to work at the cool place is not one of them.

 

:iagree:

 

I'd be working on an attitude adjustment on the older one. If she is behaving in a way that she'd be embarrassed to have her sister watch, then perhaps she shouldn't be behaving that way in the first place.

[woolybear]

I'm saying this as an older sister.

 

There are somethings one is entitled to simply by being eldest. Exclusive rights to work at the cool place is not one of them.

:iagree: As much as I feel for the older sister and will probably have similar issue with my guys, I don't feel she has any dibs to a work place. If the manager is offering the younger sister a job, then she has a right to work there. On the other hand, if you have issues with it for other reasons, like she is too young to be working there or some of the other reasons mentioned, then that would be a different story. That would be an acceptable reason to not let her work there. However, since you said she has been applying other places, it does not sound as if that is the case. Sorry, big sis, I think you need to deal with it.

[myfunnybunch]

I haven't had a chance to read the other replies, but I wish there was an "Other" option. ;)

 

If this is an issue *right now* I'd tell them that they are old enough to work this out themselves. I'd only get involved in the decision if they needed help, and then mostly to facilitate. The only way I would decide is if there was *no way* for them to make this decision together.

 

If 14 y.o. isn't in a position to start work right now, I'd tell them to start thinking about it now and try to come to a mutual decision before 14 y.o. starts looking for a job.

 

On the one hand, I see elder sis's point. It is her space, separate from her family life, and she doesn't want to share that with a tagalong sister. As an older sister, I totally get it. On the other hand, she doesn't have a right to deny her sister a job. I'd probably encourage younger sis to look elsewhere, but I'd really encourage them to talk about what exactly the issues are and see if they can solve the problem themselves.

 

Cat

[Cheryl in NM]

She wants to work there because' date=' being the younger one, she has had to watch her sister make money and then go to the mall and buy things, get an iphone, have enough money to think about buying a car, etc etc. [b']So of course she wants to have that ability too.

[/b]

Her other choices for employment are McDonalds, Burger King, the local supermarket, or a kinda lame pizza place that hardly anyone goes to. The fun place that everyone hangs out at tends to trump all those other jobs.

 

My 14 yo ds says this job sounds like a juvenile Hooters. LOL FWIW, I've read all the OP post verbatim.

 

One thing Dh wonders is if you want your 14 yo dd exposed to the way a lot of teen girls are dressing and behaving as well as high school boys (if you know what he means).

 

My viewpoint is that your 17 yo is making 17 yo wages and making 17 yo buying choices. Your 17 yo and 14 yo are not equal. Your 14 yo can strive to be like her sister, that's fine, but she's too young to behave like she's 17 now. IMO, which you asked for, you're 14yo is trying to behave like her sister and it's your job as the parent to help her to grow into a 17 yo instead of trying to morph in a 17 yo at 14.

 

Working is about making money, whether the workplace is fun or not. This work environment is one of the few that is a party zone. The environment you described might not be the best place for 14 yo, 16, maybe, depending on her outlook on life.

 

Again, my opinion, as asked for. Although, I'm beginning to see that our families priorities are not the same, no judgment intended, just an explanation for the disagreement.

[woolybear]

Do you just stalk threads and wait for the perfect time to bring up kilts? :lol:

When you've got kilts on the brain, they just seem to come up all the time.

[dcjlkplus3]

My 14 yo ds says this job sounds like a juvenile Hooters. LOL FWIW, I've read all the OP post verbatim.

 

One thing Dh wonders is if you want your 14 yo dd exposed to the way a lot of teen girls are dressing and behaving as well as high school boys (if you know what he means).

 

My viewpoint is that your 17 yo is making 17 yo wages and making 17 yo buying choices. Your 17 yo and 14 yo are not equal. Your 14 yo can strive to be like her sister, that's fine, but she's too young to behave like she's 17 now. IMO, which you asked for, you're 14yo is trying to behave like her sister and it's your job as the parent to help her to grow into a 17 yo instead of trying to morph in a 17 yo at 14.

 

Working is about making money, whether the workplace is fun or not. This work environment is one of the few that is a party zone. The environment you described might not be the best place for 14 yo, 16, maybe, depending on her outlook on life.

 

Again, my opinion, as asked for. Although, I'm beginning to see that our families priorities are not the same, no judgment intended, just an explanation for the disagreement.

 

I think the bolded part puts beautifully what some of us are trying to say.

As an older sister, my complaint was always when the younger ones got to do something I waited for earlier than I did, or in other words, when mom or dad, or whoever didn't see that my sister was not the same age as I was.

[Sevilla]

Have you worked in a family owned restaurant before? As someone who has (and had a great time at it when I was in college), I would absolutely not let a 14 year old work there. The sexually charged atmosphere in restaurants between servers-chefs-busboys (especially once you put the cultural dynamic being from Brazil) is a lot to navigate.

 

I had coworkers talk about wanting to have an affair with me and imply that if I wasn't with my boyfriend and they weren't *married with children* that we would be a great couple. I had lots of guys flirt with me - both patrons of the restaurant and people who worked there. I had to watch the flings and relationships (and break ups) that happened between coworkers. While it was a nice ego boost to know that the men working there found me attractive, it was NOT something I would have been prepared to handle as a 14 year old. It's easier to know how to flirt but not cross the line when you're almost of age. It's a lot harder when you're still in middle school.

 

Again - this was a high quality, upscale, family-owned restaurant with long-term waitstaff and chefs. It was not trashy or unsafe. It was also not an environment for 14 yo's.

[mommaduck]

Have you worked in a family owned restaurant before? As someone who has (and had a great time at it when I was in college), I would absolutely not let a 14 year old work there. The sexually charged atmosphere in restaurants between servers-chefs-busboys (especially once you put the cultural dynamic being from Brazil) is a lot to navigate.

 

I had coworkers talk about wanting to have an affair with me and imply that if I wasn't with my boyfriend and they weren't *married with children* that we would be a great couple. I had lots of guys flirt with me - both patrons of the restaurant and people who worked there. I had to watch the flings and relationships (and break ups) that happened between coworkers. While it was a nice ego boost to know that the men working there found me attractive, it was NOT something I would have been prepared to handle as a 14 year old. It's easier to know how to flirt but not cross the line when you're almost of age. It's a lot harder when you're still in middle school.

 

Again - this was a high quality, upscale, family-owned restaurant with long-term waitstaff and chefs. It was not trashy or unsafe. It was also not an environment for 14 yo's.

 

I do agree with this. I've worked in several restaurants. Coworkers having affairs was very common. Comments and come-ons, also very common. Honestly, at her age, I'd try to encourage her to volunteer somewhere (I know, she wants the money, but...).

[Mrs Mungo]

When you've got kilts on the brain, they just seem to come up all the time.

 

True, true.

[Haiku]

I didn't vote because I don't like either option. You should not tell your older daughter to "let" her sister work there because it is not her decision. As a parent, it is your job to decide whether your younger daughter should work there.

 

As for whether she should, I would vote yes.

 

My 17 year old won't get a job and just hangs around asking for money. I'd be glad my 14 year old wanted to work anywhere!

 

Tara