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I had my last baby at age____ and wouldn't want to have one after age____.


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I had my first 5 days before I turned 21. I had my third at 26. I'd ideally like to be 'done' by 30, but I don't know. I'll be 27 soon, and though we'd like more the idea is still mildly horrifying atm! It takes us a while to conceive (usually around 11-12mths) so I might have another at 29-30.

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I had my last at 29 and there will be no more DIY babies here. Both dh and I were talking the other night and found we'd both been feeling a bit clucky and regretful that there will be no more, but my pregnancies are too rotten and I take too long to get back to normal after it. We aren't wealthy enough to consider adoption, and stories about RAD on here shoved that idea pretty firmly into fantasy land.

 

I know it's dumb, but when I was a teen, my aunt was playing around with superstitions. You know the one where you hold a ring on a chain over your palm and it tells you how many babies you're going to have? I would get the same answer every time, so even though I've no intentions of having any more babies, I still feel like I'm missing those two little girls and the boy the ring promised :lol: I wonder if they are going to show up in my life in some other way.

 

Rosie

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I was 28 for my last. I have enjoyed being a younger mum than most of my friends who had their kids in their 30s.

I am 44. If life presented me with another opportunity I am open to it. I dreamt 2 nights ago that I was breastfeeding another baby and thinking how different it was to when I had my other 2. I was older, had different interests, was a really person in many ways. Its unlikely- dh is much older than me and never wanted another. But I have had an open mind about it and will probably continue to until it is no longer physically possible.

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Had my first baby 2 days before I turned 20 and my last 2 months before I turned 31. I always knew I would start young and never planned on having any past the age of 30, so it worked out well for us. But now that I am 36 and my youngest is 5...I would LOVE another! Unfortunately, my last was an emergency c-section and they did a tubal at the same time. icon9.gif I regretted that before I was even off the table. Maybe someday I will be able to adopt....

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If I'd married earlier I'd have been done with babies by 35 at the latest, wanting four, which I always thought was the perfect number. LOTS of things made me sure that three babies were the perfect number for us, and having the last one at almost 40 completely convinced me that I could not be the mother I wanted to, if I had had another, esp. at that age. I was tired, trying to do everything I wanted with the older two, and being pregnant at 39.

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I was 27 when I had my twins, after going through IVF. (First try) I would have LOVED to have had more, but I had so many complications with IVF and the pregnancy, and we nearly lost one of them d/t being premies... I haven't had the nerve to go through it again. The twins are 11 now, and for the last couple of years, my desire to have more biological children has subsided... God seems to be putting adoption on our hearts...!!!??? We'll see!! I'm 39 now...I don't know how old is too old to be pregnant. I say as long as God allows it, then go for it!! (coming from someone who would love to have a "surprise!")

 

Holly in KY

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I had my last at 32 and I wasn't ready to be done but my body was. I'd have another one now (43), but the doctor and my midwife would birth cows (might be an exciting sight) if I came in pregnant again...perniciously anemic and nothing really seems to work for treatment so my blood does not clot as well as it should. Sigh.

 

We'd adopt but dh at 47 has aged out of all of the countries we were interested in adopting from. Now that is work schedule has become insane, maybe it is for the better.

 

I guess maybe 45 or 46 would be my top age if I were healthy.

 

Faith

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I always had the idea that I wanted to be done having babies by the time I was 35, when the pregnancies would be considered "high risk" and all the extra tests would be pushed. I had my last at 34, and I could really feel the difference in my physical age from when I started having babies at 24, both during the pregnancy and with a newborn/infant/toddler. For me, I feel it was a good choice. And dh is definitely done too.

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I had my last baby at 37, and wouldn't want to have one after age 40.

 

My last pregnancy, delivery, and recovery were the quickest and easiest of all 4, so I really wouldn't be worried about doing it again, except that I think we are good with 4. We are a nice even number, I'd like to not be nursing or waking up in the middle of the night, and there are a few other factors. If we had more money, a bigger home, a mom with more patience, I would probably think about another one.

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I had my last baby when I was 34 and then the following year had a bad MC.

 

I'll be TTCing in the fall and I'll be 40 this Octiber so I'm really hoping. :)

 

I never wanted to be a young mom. If I do conceive again, that won't be a problem with the last baby!! :D

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42 and 42

 

It took 3 weeks for all the fluid to leave my limbs... I couldn't bend my toes for those 3 weeks. Scared me to death. Baby weighed 10 pounds. My brain didn't recover for atleast a year... but all my "counts" were normal (blood work, kidneys/sugar, etc). Not sure why I had so much trouble with usual thought patterns and routine things. (not normal baby & fatigue brain type problems).

 

I wish we could have one more... but I am 43 and afraid I don't need to try again. Sort of sad.

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I had my last baby at age 34 and wouldn't want to have one after age 36.

 

I would like to be young enough to enjoy my grandchildren and help with them. I would like to travel, experience new things, go back to university, and not be a much older mom. My own mom is 72.

 

I just had my sweet surprise baby in February. I am 34 :)

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24, to me after 30 would be to much for me. (I had a hysterectomy in Dec 2010 at the age of 27 so we are done)

 

My mom was 40 and loves it. For me I am glad we are done with having all four by the time I was 24, and for the curious I was 19 when I had my first ;) and there is twins in there too!

Edited by brewer13399
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Ouch. That hurt. :D (So did finding out that 35 is considered officially "advanced maternal age.")

 

It's my opinion. No need to take it personally. "Old" is a relative term anyway. Considering the lack of longevity amongst the women in my family, 30 is approaching senior citizenship.

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I agree with the old comments. I went in to see my dr at 26 yrs old and he informed me that my period had changed ( I went to see him because I wasn't having a period and I should been having one) and to get used to it because it is old. I was like what....old??? Um am only 26!!

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I was 34 when my 4th child was born. I have wanted another baby all the years since then. I am 40 now and would take another, but I can see how negative a lot of people are about babies after 40. Makes me terribly sad.

 

Please, don't be sad. I said no babies for ME personally after 40, but I am all for babies after 40 for those who are happy and willing.

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As an adult, I'm the youngest of all of my friends who have children my children's ages. Most of them are "older" parents and, while I can't speak for their experience(s), I've had every one of their children tell me at various times that they wish that DH and I were their parents because we're younger and more active than their own parents.

 

This comment really threw me. Your oldest is only 7yo, right? Does your oldest and friends really identify how old parents are? My kids, at 9yo and younger, have absolutely no perception of age past 25yo. Anyone older than 25yo is in the mom/dad age range, and anyone with white/gray hair is in the grandma/grandpa age range.

 

My dc notice physical vitality, of course, but that isn't the same as age. Maybe I just live under a rock. I can't imagine my kids, especially at their ages, telling another adult that they wished the adults could be their parents. When we hit the teen years, though, I fully expect teens and parents to have some family switcheroo dreams.

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I've got to jump in on the " old parents" thoughts. We are old. Last baby at 44 BUT we're the house where everyone goes. We're the fun parents who go camping and swimming and trampoline with the kids. It's personality that counts too. Obviously we're lucky to be healthy but personality counts too.

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I've got to jump in on the " old parents" thoughts. We are old. Last baby at 44 BUT we're the house where everyone goes. We're the fun parents who go camping and swimming and trampoline with the kids. It's personality that counts too. Obviously we're lucky to be healthy but personality counts too.

 

:iagree:

 

We're 'old' parents and quite a few of our friends are older parents too. Many of us are far livelier than the younger parents of some children we know. I'm tall, slim, and if you look carefully you might find half a dozen grey hairs in my long chestnut hair. My face is thinner and a bit more tired than it was 10 or 20 years ago, but otherwise I have minimal lines and wrinkles. Most people imagine I'm 5 to 10 years younger than I am, and DH certainly looks a good 10 years younger than his 51 years. We're energetic, active and have the time and money to do lots of fabulous fun things with our children, that many younger parents just don't have. I'm not much into stereotypes, and certainly most older parents I know would in no way match the stereotypical 'older' parent as hinted at here.

 

Cassy

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Last was at 30 I think but we are far from done(as far as I know). We don't have an end date in mind. My easiest pregnancy and birth was actually the 2nd, followed by 3rd and then the 1st. It has had more to do with increasing activity level and improved diet than age. I have enjoyed each baby more than the last and that in turn makes me appreciate the older ones as well. I appreciate the help I get from the kids and love to see the joy from the babies. My friend just had a baby and all 3 of mine were flocked around it, while the other kids were playing. We are an active family too, that is more personality. We are certainly more active than we were when in our 20s with the first, and activities are more fun with more. Of course you have to adjust things when there are babies but there is always something to do. We swim, hike and bike, camping and various other things.

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I guess I am one of those "older" parents having my last at 40. I feel just as young as when I was 30 with a toddler, so I think it is all in your mindset of what kind of parent you want to be. I think it is unfortunate that someone would cut off being a parent at 30 or even 35. Raising my children is the greatest joy I could ever think of and if I was in my early 40's or even 50's with them all out of the nest, I would be heart broken. Also having children into your late 30's or 40's is easier because you have older children who can help out a lot! I wouldn't trade watching my 12 year old with my 2 year old for anything! She is learning such great skills for later in life.

 

With that said I would be open to more children if that was God's plan for me :001_smile:

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Please, don't be sad. I said no babies for ME personally after 40, but I am all for babies after 40 for those who are happy and willing.

 

Part of what makes me sad about it is that I never thought it was any big deal. Babies are blessings to me, whether they come at 22 or 46. I had no clue when I was oh-so-young that there would come a point when I very much wanted more children, but it would be regarded as socially unacceptable because of age. DH is 8 years older than me - another factor I truly never thought about. His own mother didn't begin having children until she was 31 and had 2 of her 6 after 40. For that and other reasons, I simply didn't think a time would come when a large percentage of people (including dh) would say, "No more, we're too old."

 

I wish I could get a do-over with this fresh information. :(

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This comment really threw me. Your oldest is only 7yo, right? Does your oldest and friends really identify how old parents are? My kids, at 9yo and younger, have absolutely no perception of age past 25yo. Anyone older than 25yo is in the mom/dad age range, and anyone with white/gray hair is in the grandma/grandpa age range.

 

My dc notice physical vitality, of course, but that isn't the same as age. Maybe I just live under a rock. I can't imagine my kids, especially at their ages, telling another adult that they wished the adults could be their parents. When we hit the teen years, though, I fully expect teens and parents to have some family switcheroo dreams.

 

I found that kind of strange too. Young kids have really no concept of relative age - you're either old or really old. My son is very very comfortable talking to adults. He often randomly walks up to people and starts chatting away - usually telling them about our whole family, including all our ages. I still can't imagine him telling someone he wishes they were his parents because his own are too old. I might see him saying he wishes someone else was his parents because they were more fun, or nicer (especially if he had recently gotten in trouble) but I don't see age being the reason.

 

My oldest notices the age of her friends parents but mostly to notice if they are unusually young, dress too young or are about to retire.

 

I know when I was growing up I spent way more time doing stuff with my grandparents than either of my parents (they were divorced) - in large part because my parents had to work a lot and my grandparents were able to retire relatively young. We went on vacations with my grandparents to amusement parks, state parks, my brother drove with them to Alaska twice - they were definitely young at heart. DH and I are old but we take the kids camping, fishing, to the beach, on vacations, play sports, etc. A lot of things I didn't get to do with my oldest when she was young because we had to work all the time.

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This comment really threw me. Your oldest is only 7yo, right? Does your oldest and friends really identify how old parents are? My kids, at 9yo and younger, have absolutely no perception of age past 25yo. Anyone older than 25yo is in the mom/dad age range, and anyone with white/gray hair is in the grandma/grandpa age range.

 

My dc notice physical vitality, of course, but that isn't the same as age. Maybe I just live under a rock. I can't imagine my kids, especially at their ages, telling another adult that they wished the adults could be their parents. When we hit the teen years, though, I fully expect teens and parents to have some family switcheroo dreams.

 

It's a bizarre comment for here too!! I can't imagine my kids noticing age differences at their ages and my local best friend is 5 years younger than I with her oldest child being older than mine.

 

What the kids do notice is that we're the house to come to because we've got all the snacks anyone could possibly want and the backyard toys.

 

It does interest me how people view parenthood across social groups, regions, economic levels, etc. It's pretty unacceptbale in my crowd to have a baby before 30. The women are expected to be as accomplished as the men, or at the very least to continue their educations as they go along. DH would never have married me if I didn't have an education of my own. That's their version of "trophy wives." :D

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I liked having young parents when I was a kid. ANd I still do- my mum had me when she was 21. Dh's mum had him when she was 21 too, but he is 14 years older than me. My mum is still pretty young.

 

But even though I appreciated aspects of it....I cant help but think an older parent brings a different life wisdom to parenting. I know I would if I had another child now, at 44. I look forward to grandkids (if I am so lucky as to have some) because I have learned so much since having my own kids. For one thing, I know those baby years pass so fast, though it seems forever at the time! I think that I would in some ways be a better mum now than I was back in my 20s, although I have few regrets.

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I was thinking the same as well there are advantages to older parents. They are likely more settled in life with experience. More likely to have more experience with children. Millions of kids are raised by grandparents as well, quite lovingly. I had very young parents- I'm now 12 years older than mom had us. I would hope I would raise kids that wouldn't be such snots about it to be honest and learn to appreciate people regardless of their age.

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This comment really threw me. Your oldest is only 7yo, right? Does your oldest and friends really identify how old parents are? My kids, at 9yo and younger, have absolutely no perception of age past 25yo. Anyone older than 25yo is in the mom/dad age range, and anyone with white/gray hair is in the grandma/grandpa age range.

 

That's pretty much how my son is. I'm 33. I have a good friend who is 48 and her oldest is the same age as my son (she had her kids at 41 and 44). I don't think my son notices that she's older than I am, at all. He also doesn't notice that my friend who is 25 (had her first at 18) is younger than me. We're all just mom age.

 

When I started thinking about having kids, I remember thinking I wanted to be done by 30. That seems funny to me now. I still feel really young at 33, and DH and I work in academia, so people think we're really young to be having our third when most people in that setting our age aren't planning on having their first for a few more years. My husband's old dissertation adviser and his wife are 40 and just had their first, and that's far more common.

Edited by twoforjoy
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I was 34 when my 4th child was born. I have wanted another baby all the years since then. I am 40 now and would take another, but I can see how negative a lot of people are about babies after 40. Makes me terribly sad.

 

I think a lot of it is that ages seem a lot older before you get there. ;)

 

I remember thinking I couldn't imagine having a baby after 30, yet my two pregnancies in my 30s have been so much easier and more relaxed than my pregnancy in my mid-20s, and I just feel like I'm a much more confident, relaxed, and easygoing mom, too. At this point I could totally see having a baby in my 40s, but for us it's more of a family size/child spacing issue.

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Part of what makes me sad about it is that I never thought it was any big deal. Babies are blessings to me, whether they come at 22 or 46. I had no clue when I was oh-so-young that there would come a point when I very much wanted more children, but it would be regarded as socially unacceptable because of age. DH is 8 years older than me - another factor I truly never thought about. His own mother didn't begin having children until she was 31 and had 2 of her 6 after 40. For that and other reasons, I simply didn't think a time would come when a large percentage of people (including dh) would say, "No more, we're too old."

 

I wish I could get a do-over with this fresh information. :(

 

I don't think it is a matter of it being socially acceptable or not, but simply of personal preference and in some cases of health reasons. Children are a blessing, no doubt, but the age at what people decide to be done is a very personal matter, just the same as the age at which people feel ready to have their first one. I personally was not ready for children until my early 30s and I felt was done at 40 but I don't feel these are the right ages for anyone else other than myself.

 

I am really sorry that you and your husband feel differently from each other in this respect. :grouphug:

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I was 37 (almost 38) with #3. I'd love another if it's in God's plan. We had a hard time getting pg with #3. I can't imagine a particular age where I would say, "Nope, too old, let's stop trying." But I'm only 40. Maybe in a few years I'll feel differently.

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I had my last baby at age 23, but I would be OK with having another child until age 30 (I wouldn't want to be 50 when my kiddo is 18. I've seen how my Mom struggled financially, physically, etc. trying to deal with my brother during his teen years while in her 50s and don't wanna do that to myself.) We've taken measures to ensure we're done, but it could always happen.

 

I entered into my marriage already pregnant, have never worked post-college, etc. I'm looking forward to most of my 40s being for dh and I...as we've never had that time before. :001_smile:

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Had my 5th (and final) at 35. For me, that was a good age to stop -- but that's just b/c my last pregnancy was very hard physically (and I still have issues as a result, 2 years later). For me, by 35 (and after 5 kids) my body was worn out. I don't think there's anything wrong with "older" moms -- I love seeing a pregnant mama, not matter what age!

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I, for one, wish my parents had gained a little more maturity before deciding to have children.

 

:iagree:

My mom was 22 when she had me and a single mom. I know she did the best she could and I don't consider her to have been a bad mom. However, when I saw how she was with my younger siblings I got a little jealous. She adopted them when she was 38 & 40.

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We're 'old' parents and quite a few of our friends are older parents too. Many of us are far livelier than the younger parents of some children we know.

 

I'm not much into stereotypes, and certainly most older parents I know would in no way match the stereotypical 'older' parent as hinted at here.

 

Cassy

 

Yes, it is unfortunate that some assume that older parents are not as involved or active. Or that younger parents can't possibly be ready to raise a family.

 

Frankly, I don't think there's any arbitrary magic age to be the best parent possible.

 

I absolutely agree that it should be a personal decision.

 

I touched on this in yesterday's spin off thread.

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