Do you think the choices you make between the ages of 18-25 have the largest

[Lisa R.]

influence on your future?

 

Now that I am officially middle aged :001_huh: I am examining our lives and the lives of our peers. I also have a 20 year old dd and am watching choices that affect her future.

 

It seems to me that the choices people make during these critical years will affect whether they will struggle or thrive in the future. Of course critical or chronic health issues are not something one chooses, so this could negatively impact one's future. For the purposes of this discussion, I don't think we should include things totally outside of our control--such as health issues.

 

For instance, during the ages of 18-25, one chooses (typically):

further education, or not

if college is chosen, college loans

type of college education

significant other--boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife

having children, limiting family size, or waiting to have children

responsible alcohol use, or not

drug use, or not

consumer debt

 

For instance, sometimes the choices people make during these years will cause them to struggle for the next couple of decades. Whether caused by immaturity, poor parenting, bad influences, etc. these seem like the years that determine the future. Again, barring things out of one's control--such as health.

 

I see a lot of misfortune blamed on the economy. While this plays a role, if other choices had been made many years ago (getting further education, getting a different college degree, less debt, choosing a lower standard of living) could some of the damage have been mitigated?

 

What is your experience?

Edited June 5, 2011 by Lisa R.
grammar

[Pink Fairy]

Wow, I hadn't thought much about it before, but personally--yes! I joined the military, met and married my dh, became a practicing Catholic, and stayed in the military while my dh went to school full time and worked part time. We also decided during that period that we would homeschool. No kids yet, but we were certain. At 26 I decided with my dh where we wanted to live and raise our family, and had our first child.

 

What scares me is how immature and/or ignorant about the world I was when I made some of these very important decisions. Praise God for his guiding hand!

[FrogMom5]

Definately. The choices you make determines what you do, who you meet and the opportunities that present themselves in the future. That being said, I do think you can change the direction of your life after age 25. It's often more difficult but it can be done.

 

I also think the attitude you choose determines a lot of outcomes in your life. A positive attitude early in life is important.

Denise

[JessieC]

For me, it was 18-30. I think some people are "settled" by mid-twenties, but dh and I didn't start dating until we were 26, decidde to get married when we were 28, and we took out that horrible mortgage being discussed on another thread when we were 29-30, which was the same time we had our first child. I also got a graduate degree at 27. These choices definitely shaped our future, for better and for worse. So for those of use who fumble around a lot during our first decade out of the nest like me, I would push the age up to 30 or more. But I do agree with the overall point you are making.

[learningmama]

YES!!! For your reasons stated above (marriage, higher-education, jobs, etc), that is the time frame that molds manys futures. Of course, big things can happen later in life, but 18-25 is abig deal. It's very scary too. Society expects alot out of a person the few short years out of high school. Although my family's life keeps getting better and better (IMO), there are things my husband and I would have changed during that 18-25 year time period. Mostly involving college majors. In fact, we would even change the route of what we did in high school if given the chance. This is a big reason why we decided to homeschool our kids. We want to truly equip them during their teens for their future adult life. My husband and I feel our parents and society dropped the ball in that arena in our own lives.

[Plucky]

What is scary to me is that today's teens can't make mistakes without permanent repercussions. I know it used to be that not enough legal consequences faced teens, but they did have a 2nd chance. It seems like now if you blow it and make a wrong choice you have to live with it hanging over your head forever. Kids make mistakes. They don't all need to be made an example.

Edited June 5, 2011 by True Blue

[FrogMom5]

Have you read the book, "Outliers?" In it, the author discusses how the environment does determine many outcomes. Yet, he makes a case for being prepared to capitalize on the opportunities that may be presented at any time. His premise is that no one is really self-made, they have people/experiences to guide and prepare them, but that everyone can be prepared for the unforseen. The author discusses positive opportunities but I think it works the other way too. Just some thoughts.

Denise

[Robin M]

God. No. Lives are ever in state of flux. Who I was at 18-25 isn't who I am know. I have grown from experiences and changed. You think you know it all at that age, but not really. Now at age 51, appreciate fact I can still grow, learn and change.

[DawnM]

For me, yes. The ages between 18-25 were very life changing. I moved to the US by myself and lived here while my parents lived in Africa.

 

I went to college, grad school, started my career, and found a place I loved to live and could call home.

 

I didn't get married until age 29. I met my husband at 27 in a group of friends (we never really "dated" ;))

 

Dawn

[Dinsfamily]

God. No. Lives are ever in state of flux. Who I was at 18-25 isn't who I am know. I have grown from experiences and changed. You think you know it all at that age, but not really. Now at age 51, appreciate fact I can still grow, learn and change.

 

:iagree: and I'm only 33.

[Mejane]

.

Edited June 7, 2011 by Mejane

[Susan in TX]

I'd say that for me, my life was largely determined by the choices dh and I made between the ages of 18 and 25. We got married, started a family, and moved halfway across the country (where we still are). Dh went back to school and got a degree.

 

However, I don't think that making good choices early in life necessarily guarantees you a good outcome. We still struggled financially because of dh getting laid off. There's a lot in life that you just have no control over.

 

Susan in TX

[Katiebug_1976]

I think the choices you make early on definately determine where your life goes later on. I am 34 & I can already see how certain decisions that dh & I made, or didn't make, have greatly affected where we are today. Although, I will add, that when you are young, there is a sence of invinsibility. For the most part, you are not thinking about the future, and don't realize how your decisions today will dictate what path in life you take. It's kind of like a "choose your own adventure" book..."Sara walked out of the house...if she gets into the car, turd to page 7, if she walks down the sidewalk, turn to page 10, if she rides away on her bike, turn to page 12" etc. Once a decision is made, your path has been chosen & you cant go back. Ok, sorry, now I'm rambling.

[regentrude]

Definitely yes. There are some irreversible choices which have lifelong consequences, such as teen pregnancy and dropping out of school.

There are, of course, still plenty of opportunities to change course later - but you can not escape the consequences of earlier choices.

[MamaT]

Yes, between those years I turned down a college scholarship, got married, and had my first two kids. I went back to school later.

[sbgrace]

Not for me. My life course was altered when I had kids and health issues (kids and mine) and both those occurred after age 30. I'm 38. I'm not where my life was headed at 25 or even 28. Neither is my husband.

 

You can make all the right choices and have life turn out unexpectedly bad at least from an earthly perspective.

[ChristusG]

Definitely. Especially for me. During that time I got married (at 19), we bought a house, bought a car, determined where we would live, what sort of jobs we would do, and we had our first child during that time (at 24). That period of my life most definitely determined who I am today.

[Jayne J]

Good Golly I hope not. 18-25 were my stupidest, most selfish and most thoughtless years since infancy. I don't think any one set of years can be the most important/influential for *all* people. Maybe for some, but not for everyone.

[Sputterduck]

No I screwed that whole time up. I married an awful man at 19 and escaped when I was 26.

 

We are allowed do-overs. I'm doing my life over right now. Of course, it would be nice if I didn't need one at all.

[coffeegal]

Yes, at 25

Dh and I had been married for several years.

Dh had joined the military.

We had purchased the house we currently live in.

Ds #1 was here, and ds #2 was on the way.

We were running our own business.

Dh and I were adults running our adult lives....very similar to other adults throughout the ages. :001_smile:

[Lady Dove]

God. No. Lives are ever in state of flux. Who I was at 18-25 isn't who I am know. I have grown from experiences and changed. You think you know it all at that age, but not really. Now at age 51, appreciate fact I can still grow, learn and change.

 

That's exactly how I feel.

[Night Elf]

1. I voted for 'some effect' because I believe that we can be affected by our decisions for a long time and we all made, or are making, decisions during that time period in our lives. However, I think it's the decisions themselves that shape our lives, not always necessarily when we make them. For example, marriage is a life-changing event whether someone marries at age 18 or 40.

 

2. From age 18 to 25, I made decisions that affected my life. But I think dwelling on 'what ifs' is a bad idea. We can't go back and change anything. Instead, we should try to focus on the present and making our lives great right now and for the future.

[JennyD]

No more than any other 7 years, IMO.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I made choices that definitely affected my future during that age range, but I didn't choose my spouse until I was almost 33, so that is the choice that has most affected my life I would say. I think your future can be profoundly affected by choices you make at any age.

[Mommy22alyns]

Not feeling overly happy right now, but I feel like every single choice I made during that time span has ruined my life completely. Now I'm stuck in a hole and I will never get out.

[Peela]

No more than any other 7 years, IMO.

:iagree:

 

Its always possible to change your life direction. Since those are the first years you get the chance to make decisions wholly for yourself, it would seem natural that the effects might ripple on for a long time, especially if you think you know what you want. The conditioning to set oneself up for a certain type of life is very strong and it starts young. Parents want their kids to be financially secure, and to live moral, upright lives in their eyes. I rebelled against all that and it wasn't easy.

My life hasn't been standard- I never had the normal "get married, a career, have children, get a mortgage" type mentality for my life, and I still don't even though I ended up getting married and having kids.

But in one sense I guess the pattern was set in those years- I was very deeply committed to my spirituality and for me that overrode everything else. It still does, and I still don't know where that will take me but it leaves a lot more doors open to me than if I had gone the path of my parents and just planned for a career, marriage, children etc. I am not here to be safe and secure, I am here to live my life as fully as possible, whatever that means.

[DarlaS]

I voted other. I guess for me, it did have a large influence on my future, but I took the question to be more of a general one.

 

I got married @ almost 22 and had a baby @ 23. If I had not done that (made decisions that were less life-altering), my plans would have remained pretty flexible for some time to come.

[Veritaserum]

Between the ages of 18-25 I:

 

1. Got married.
   
2. Had three babies.
   
3. Finished my BA.
   
4. Bought a house.
   
5. Decided to homeschool.
   
6. Found my passion and started a new career.
   
7. Took a leap of faith for dh to start a company. That decision has had a life-changing effect on our finances.
   

 

 

So, yes.

[actuary]

Well, I'm watching this thread with interest:)

 

I'm in my early twenties now and single. I feel like I've made some responsible decisions so far. But, it's kind of scary to think that choices I make right now would have the largest effect on my life! So it makes me feel better to see the varied opinions :)

[NicAnn]

Yes! My whole life has been decided since I was about 18. Thankfully, it all worked out and I love my life...but looking back, 18 is quite young to have the course of your life set.

[LauraGB]

I'm going to say no. I'm not even sure I know who the heck that girl was, to be honest. She's so far removed from anything I've become, I sometimes can't believe I ever even knew her so very personally. My dc were born when I was 26, and my life has changed so drastically (from a woman who was never going to have children of her own to someone whose entire life revolves around their well being) that it would seem my old Me and the Me now aren't even remotely related.

[Melissa in Australia]

for me yes, I got married at 18 and by 25 I had 3 children.

[KristinaBreece]

Ok. I'm 26 today. So that's got me thinking about the same questions you're asking yourself for your DD. At 21, I was married with DS, and I had DD at 23. We are going to spend the next couple of years struggling as we pay off the debt from our younger years. But... we're making good choices NOW and have been for the last couple of years. Slooowly, but steadily improving our quality of life. I think the choices we're making right now will have a larger impact on the rest of our life than the ones we've already made. (Aside from getting married & having our kids young, that is.)

 

ETA: I would like to add that (although we're trying to stay away from outside influences-- like medical stuff) had I chose not to have my DC when we did, it is highly likely I would never have been able to have them. Or I may have found myself suffering a stroke or an embolism from undiagnosed/untreated blood clots. The first 2 I had weren't caught/diagnosed by my doctors. Wouldn't even test me for them, because I was so young. They didn't believe me when I told them that I'd seen blood clots before in others present the way mine did-- because no one likes to think an 18 or 20 year old otherwise healthy person will suddenly have such a thing. So, although things haven't worked out according to MY plans so far, they have worked out for the best FOR me, according to Someone who knows better than I what I need. ;)

Edited June 6, 2011 by KristinaBreece

[Serenade]

 

I also think the attitude you choose determines a lot of outcomes in your life. A positive attitude early in life is important.

Denise

 

 

Yes, this. The ability to have hope in the future, even when things get you down in the short-term -- to know that you can rise above whatever hard times you're going through.

[Tarreymere]

There are a lot of things that are out of our hands, I believe, that can alter the choices that a person makes at any age. Infertility, for one, and unexpected death is another. My first husband and I married at nineteen, which may sound more reasonable when you know that I had already been serving on active duty in the Army for a little over two years at that point. He later died very young. His death was ruled accidental, but I think he was murdered and so do a lot of his family. Long story. Of course we had planned on a long happy life together and a large family. My mother also died young shortly after. Another long story.

 

My second husband and I also planned on many things, but when he was seriously injured (almost lost his leg) in an industrial accident and became addicted to oxycontin (and still is) things changed drastically again.

 

I guess maybe choices in those years may possibly have more effect on those who are lucky enough to have less eventful lives........But I think that (know that) no matter what has happened in that person's life, a person can find it within themselves to change a situation or move toward a more positive direction if they really want to. It isn't easy and it usually means taking 'baby steps' for a while, but it can be done.

[MeaganS]

Absolutely, of course I am only 25 now, but I'd say my life is going in a certain direction at this point. Between my husband and I, we've made the following decisions during that time:

 

Go to college

Graduate college

Go to medical school (dh)

Get married

Have 2 children

Strict budget to minimize student debt

Go on a 2 year mission (dh)

Decide to homeschool our kids

Celebrate our 5 year anniversary!

 

I'd say those are all of the "getting started" decisions a person can make. We're going down a path that we could technically change if we wanted to, but we don't want to, because it is a good one. I'm not where I thought I would be when I turned 18, I'm better!

Edited June 6, 2011 by MeaganS

[Lisa R.]

Not feeling overly happy right now, but I feel like every single choice I made during that time span has ruined my life completely. Now I'm stuck in a hole and I will never get out.

 

 

I think that reflection is helpful in taking an honest look at the past and learning from it--good and bad. It sounds like you've done this and now feel discouraged. While I feel that decisions made during these years *largely* determine the future, they don't always. People can change their future, but it likely requires more effort as we are often saddled with more responsibilities in later years. So, it requires more effort, but it is not impossible. After all, we don't want to look back years from now and regret we didn't do more to change our situation, right?

 

Also, I think taking an honest look at these young adult years can change our perspective on parenting. I know that I'm now even more motivated to teach and train my kids to be prepared for making the big decisions that are coming. I want my kids to go further than I did, KWIM?

:grouphug:

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Without the intervention of Christ, then yes. I don't know if I'd limit it to 18-25, though. I think many choices in the younger teens have an impact as well.

[BlsdMama]

I feel the LESSONS learned between 18-25 have a big effect on how we live in our 30's which have a HUGE effect on our lives. How's that for complicated? :glare:

 

My husband, who tends to have his head screwed on right, ;) made a lot of choices in his late twenties (to get his advanced degrees, join the military, pay off student loans through the Army, etc.) that have significantly impacted our lives. That said, it was because of the hard lessons we learned in our early twenties - trying to juggle school, family, & work, me working, being in financial distress, having a HUGE college loan burden, etc. These poor choices in our twenties led to a very different way of thinking and aligning ourselves in our thirties. It would have been better to NOT learn the hard way in our twenties, I'm certain. However, better to learn the hard way than not at all. :D

 

I'm going to say no. I'm not even sure I know who the heck that girl was, to be honest. She's so far removed from anything I've become, I sometimes can't believe I ever even knew her so very personally.

 

:iagree:

[lisamarie]

Yup. Of course there is room to change when you are older, but you can only change so much after a certain point and have it be fairly "painless." By the time I was 25, I finished college, had a job, got married and had 1.5 kids (#2 was still cooking). We'd picked our church, bought a house, had our friends, etc. We established our standard of living (thrifty), made choices that set the tone for our financial future (again thrifty), and made choices about how our family would go--DH work, me quit my job and stay home.

 

My personal opinion is that once you get married and have kids, it becomes much more difficult to make major changes. You can go back to school, but it's a lot harder, expensive, takes away from family time, and takes away from your ability to provide for your family in the short term. You can change your location, but you're uprooting not just you but your whole family. You can change your spouse--that hurts like hell. You can try to change your financial earning potential, but that takes time, money (for more education), and a whole lot of effort. You can try to get out of debt which isn't easy. Life is a whole lot easier for my DH and I because we were wise in our younger days vs our friends who weren't. We have a lot more freedom in how we live than our friends who are in debt and stuck in too small houses in poor neighborhoods, or are stuck with both spouses having to work in order to pay off debt, etc.

 

From my observations, the choices kids make between 18-25 set the tone for the rest of their lives. Those who work hard, get a college education or a trade, who don't mess around with partying and all its effects, are reasonably thrifty and don't rack up major debt, these are the people who are going to enter "middle age" in a good spot. Those who flounder during this phase are much more likely to continue floundering--I have quite a few friends where this is true unfortunately. Not saying you can't rise above your young adult choices, but it is a lot harder than had you made wise choices in this phase.

 

It's also in this phase that all of my friends who turned away from their faith did it. Not right at 18, but definitely by 25.