Ravin Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Honestly? My first inclination would be to set it on fire in her driveway. Since that could be legally problematic, dramatically ripping it to pieces and throwing it in the recycle bin would be another tactic I'd consider. But I'm feeling kind of grumpy, so YMMV. I manage to get along quite well with DD's playmates' parents, and our religious differences are far wider than just different stripes of Christian. But if someone gave my DD a book like that, or any kind of religious tract, etc., who was not wholly ignorant of my stance on either the topic of the book or religion in general, I'd come down HARD in reaction. If they were completely ignorant (which in the OP's case they weren't), I'd politely refuse and have DD give it back with a brief explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 It's easy to choke on Loose Pearls. I'd keep them away from any kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karenciavo Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 "There is wisdom in many counselors." -Proverbs Yes, when making plans as the whole Scripture says, not when you have an issue with an individual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 :iagree:Yeah, what RanchGirl said. If she is giving away books, you can bet she is giving away Pearl "wisdom" during visits. :iagree: If she would go so far as to buy the book for her, I am sure she is creating a poisonous atmosphere for your poor daughter. She is overstepping her bounds. She thinks if she can't "save you" with the "Pearls' wisdom", she might as well try to "save" your daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I spoke to my daughter this morning about the book and the influence this family is having on her/us. I told her that I was limiting her time spent over there (which isn't a lot now). She flipped out. She now hates me. :glare: But that is another red flag. She is being brainwashed. It was happening so slowly that I never realized it but I was losing my influence on my own dd to this woman! God has used this book to show me. I am thankful. Wow! I really think you need to cut off all contact with this family. They have shown you how harmful they are. You need to work on rebuilding your relationship with your daughter. Since she has already been under the influence of this woman, you need to undo that damage. Perhaps you can go through the book and show her how unBiblical it is. Also, I would work on doing lots of fun mother-daughter type activities with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 It's easy to choke on Loose Pearls. I'd keep them away from any kids. :iagree: I have had to limit other's influence in my children's lives too. It's not always fun but it is sometimes warranted. Right now I am limiting my SIL and her dh from my DD because he likes to tell her she is not the princess. Sounds silly but I feel it is a jab at my parenting and I don't like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonshine Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Well, I have been beating about the bush, but I would agree with no contact. It will actually be easier on your daughter in the long run anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mackenziefoust Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 yes, way over the line! plus everyone knows the pearls are controversial. there are entire blogs devoted to the subject! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutu Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Yes, I'd see this as overstepping boundaries, considering she already knew of your feelings about the Pearls. :\ I don't know how comfortable I'd be around this woman at all, but I understand your dilemma re: your dd's close friendship with her dd. I'd find it difficult to hide my discomfort though! I'm way too easy to read sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 oh wow..after the email, and how upset your dd got about limiting contact, I would be cutting ties. I think the advice about more special mom/daughter time is good. so sorry, and I'm praying for you and your dd. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyBlueLobsters Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 You are doing the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 that the girl has done nothing wrong. And your daughter has done nothing wrong. Your daughter is 14, and I would make it a big priority to show her respect and trust in her own judgments, unless she has demonstrated an inability to exercise good judgment. I think that what that Mom did was wrong and I would not mince words telling my daughter that I think the Pearls are dangerous and destructive to women. But your daughter is growing up and is going to be exposed to things you like and don't like. You don't seem like someone who wants to really isolate your children from ideas that you don't agree with, so the other option is that occasionally someone tells your daughter something that you think is wrong. Since it sounds like your daughter is close to you and talks to you, so you have an opportunity to give the counter view. Part of me would want to contact the Mom and tell her I didn't appreciate her actions. But at the same time, I would want to show a 14 year old some respect for her own ability to form judgments and become a thoughtful young woman. While I would want to subtly reduce the time that my daughter spends with this family, assuming it's really a lot right now, I wouldn't want my daughter to know I was doing that, and I wouldn't want to make it a big source of friction. I would want to tell my daughter, in words and with my actions, that I welcome the emerging adult within her, and that I am ready to let her make decisions for herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forevergrace Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Hi Sue~ I'm unsure about who "Pearl" is, but, I don't like the idea that she gave your daughter the book when you expressed reservations to her about the author. I feel she should of spoke to you first. The whole thing seems sneaky, underhanded on her part. I didn't read how old your dd is, mine is eleven-years-old almost twelve and I will probably be censoring her reading material for a few more years. ~always~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolally Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Regardless of how anyone feels about the Pearls, that book has some pretty adult material in it about s*x issues and I'd be very upset if someone gave it to my daughter!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Yes, when making plans as the whole Scripture says, not when you have an issue with an individual. People post here all the time asking whether or not their concerns/reactions/responses to someone are legitimate or unwarranted. What makes this situation different and somehow unacceptable? :confused: Sue, when I read your original post, I actually thought I wouldn't react too strongly in this case. I guess I tend to believe people are generally well-meaning and/or clueless, like myself :lol: But after reading your follow-ups, particularly how she responded to your email, it's pretty clear that her intentions were to "minister" directly to your daughter in direct contradiction to what you expressed to her. As the others said that would never, NEVER fly here. I'm sorry your poor DD is caught in the middle though :( I hope she begins to understand why you set the boundary you did. Even if she doesn't now, she will someday :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolally Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I walked away from the computer and had to come back to follow up on this---I was given the book by a friend and I was very careful to hide it in the house until I returned it because I was so freaked out that one of the kids would pick it up. There is some really adult discussion about some s*x topics that I didn't even learn about until I became an adult--I think they were in the context of what 'not' to do, but they were still discussed. If this woman has read the book, knows this particular content is there---I'd consider it borderline abusive to give to a minor without the parent's consent. I'm shocked that someone would do so!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 My dd is 14. Thanks all. I appreciate the support and prayers. I know my dd will come around. She is a good girl. :) You are being a good mom. My parents forbid me from going over to one girls house when I was that age. I was horrified, and hated them. They were SOOO right. A few years later she was living with a twenty something year old musician doing drugs. Katie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I think it is ironic that while she is studying how to be a super submissive wife, she undermined your authority as a mother. . I would tell her exactly this above. I would probably go further with an effort to warn her from the Scripture about such practices as well. But I would do it knowing it's likely to be a losing proposition. If I let dd go back, I would inoculate her with my own views on why the Pearl's teaching is wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 You could always send over a copy of the book Boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 You could always send over a copy of the book Boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. :smilielol5:This is kinda what I was thinking, but the OP has a ton more grace than I do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I'm fairly certain I have a reputation on this forum for being an extremely conservative Christian. That being said, this lady overstepped her bounds, and I would have limited my child's contact with her, too. And, as surprising as it may be to some here, I do not approve of CTBHHM, and do not like Debbi Pearl's teachings in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I'm fairly certain I have a reputation on this forum for being an extremely conservative Christian. That being said, this lady overstepped her bounds, and I would have limited my child's contact with her, too. And, as surprising as it may be to some here, I do not approve of CTBHHM, and do not like Debbi Pearl's teachings in general. Well, actually this does not surprise me. I consider myself to be a very conservative Christian as well and find much of what they write and encourage to be very off base. I believe in being a submissive wife - but I also believe that if my dh loves me like Christ loved the church I will rarely have to submit in things I find offensive or wrong. But anyway... At first Pearls seem to come across as wholesome, conservative writings but then you realize that much of it is not supported by Biblical teachings at all. It is all ramblings of 2 people who I actually find fairly arrogant. To the OP, I would be livid if a parent gave my child materials I didn't approve of since that parent was told that I did not approve of those writings. Your dd may just be angry because she is 14. I woudl take time to tell her why you are upset. She is old enough to know why. I would also take time to show her some of the errors in the Pearls writings so she can better discern in the future what is wrong with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I am considered by most to be a very conservative Christian and I think the Pearls cannot be repeated in polite company! As a matter of fact, what I think of them is so low that I would limit my children's exposure to anyone who thought the Pearls were great people. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyBlueLobsters Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I am considered by most to be a very conservative Christian and I think the Pearls cannot be repeated in polite company! As a matter of fact, what I think of them is so low that I would limit my children's exposure to anyone who thought the Pearls were great people. Faith Especially considering that they seem to have no problem spanking and or physically punishing other peoples kids when they see fit. (Yes, I've read 'To Train Up A Child') Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 yes, way over the line! plus everyone knows the pearls are controversial. there are entire blogs devoted to the subject! That's a charitable way to put it. If you follow these particular Pearls, you will pay a great price. Maybe time to ask dd what, if anything, the mom has been saying to her about these topics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverMoonlight Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 oh wow..after the email, and how upset your dd got about limiting contact, I would be cutting ties. I think the advice about more special mom/daughter time is good. so sorry, and I'm praying for you and your dd. :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I think it is ironic that while she is studying how to be a super submissive wife, she undermined your authority as a mother. :iagree: I would tell her so point blank. I might even have a book or two that I could give her daughter just in case she doesn't comprehend. Well. I'd want to, but I probably wouldn't. I would be likely to say something like,"We do not condone the sexual exploitation of children in this house. The authors of that book DO. Never give such vile filth to my child ever again". But, I'm just like that. So Cyndi. Tell us what you really think.:tongue_smilie: Yes. This. I received an email response from her and it wreaked of this "holier than though" attitude. She even questioned how I could so readily welcome unGodly influences in my childrens' lives yet SHUN the Godly (meaning her). :glare: I spoke to my daughter this morning about the book and the influence this family is having on her/us. I told her that I was limiting her time spent over there (which isn't a lot now). She flipped out. She now hates me. :glare: But that is another red flag. She is being brainwashed. It was happening so slowly that I never realized it but I was losing my influence on my own dd to this woman! God has used this book to show me. I am thankful. I'd just make a very strong effort to always have her too busy to ever go to that house again.;) And if my dc asked why. I'd be honest. The lady is peddling crap and I don't want the stink fogging up my child's brain. Her friend could visit, but no more trips over there. Yes, I feel bad for friend that her parents are so confused and ignorant, but my duty to to do better than that for my dc.:grouphug: I'm pretty conservative. And I'm rather hard on my kids compared to some. But the pearls are not conservative Christians. They are some kind of twisted mess blaspheming by doing it in God's name.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 The Pearls have absolutely nothing to do with conservative Christianity. Nothing. Sue, I am sorry your family is going through this. The "unGodly influences" email is beyond the pale and complete vindication that your momma instincts were right on all along. I suggest that you sit down with your daughter and explain exactly what is evil, unGodly and unBiblical about the Pearl teachings and about the children who have died from their methods (and the horrifically callous response Michael Pearl gave). Make sure your husband is involved as well so she understands that this is an issue that affects and has the support of the whole family. It should also be discussed this "submissive" wife is undermining your parental rights as Sonshine pointed out. And while she apparently wants everyone to respect her beliefs, she is not offering that same respect to your family. She has insulted you as a mother as well as her brothers. I guess what I am saying is don't let this be just a 'mom decided to end this friendship for your own good, you'll understand later' type of thing in your daughter's eyes... she is old enough to understand that ideas have power and that your family members and family's beliefs are worth standing up for. And give her the words to be able to discuss this with her friend should that opportunity ever come up in the future. --Ranchgirl, who is not the mother of a teenager daughter but I do remember being one and I hope that you will still find this helpful to your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I was feeling kind of guilty about my initial response until I read her reply to your e-mail. I would be livid, furious, irate...and would not allow my daughter to be in her company again. I am so sorry for your dd--but the nerve of that woman is just absolutely unbelievable. It is just very very wrong to undermine another parent's authority in such a way no matter how well-intentioned she might be, and I would be concerned about the influence just being in that home might be even if she hadn't given your dd the book. I have to say--I am very impressed with the grace with which you responded, and with other poster's responses as well. I am afraid I might be burning the book in her driveway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I don't know about offending me, but after learning this I would certainly be minimizing my daughter's contact with this family. From what I know of the Debi Pearl stuff, some (not all) of the followers can be cult-like in their devotion. It sounds like this mom has fallen hard for the Pearl beliefs and is not just interested in following this lifestyle herself but also influencing others, including your daughter despite already knowing you weren't a fan. Personally, I wouldn't send my daughter over there at all anymore, and I would carefully monitor the conversations when their daughter visits your home. I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 yes, I think she overstepped there, knowing how you feel. I think you handled it really well though, with a polite "no thank you, but how kind" email. Unless you want things to get frosty, I'd just give her the book back and pretend it didn't happen..unless she keeps pushing. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Yes. This. I received an email response from her and it wreaked of this "holier than though" attitude. She even questioned how I could so readily welcome unGodly influences in my childrens' lives yet SHUN the Godly (meaning her). :glare: I spoke to my daughter this morning about the book and the influence this family is having on her/us. I told her that I was limiting her time spent over there (which isn't a lot now). She flipped out. She now hates me. :glare: But that is another red flag. She is being brainwashed. It was happening so slowly that I never realized it but I was losing my influence on my own dd to this woman! God has used this book to show me. I am thankful. In church right now we are doing a series on the conscience (Romans 14). What she is doing goes directly against the teaching of Romans 14, so her behavior is ungodly! If she is convinced in her own mind that how she behaves towards her own husband is right, then fine. She has no business convincing your dd that extra-Biblical rules are from God. I don't have a problem with people sharing their convictions and how they arrived at those beliefs. But in no way is anyone to bind the consciences of others when it comes to areas where the Bible is not specific. I'm glad you have discovered this and have the opportunity to correct it. Your dd will thank you later on, I'm sure! I didn't know the Pearls had books geared toward young women. I guess it is better to catch them when they are young and more impressionable. Yikes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Sue, this family has way too many red flags (from this post and past posts). Yes, she overstepped. You told her you disagreed with the Pearls and she gave your daughter one of their books anyway. Doesn't matter if she had already bought the book or not. I'm betting she would be off her rocker offended if you had given her kids books by an author she had specifically mentioned she had had issues with. The fact, that your daughter is only allowed to spend time there and not vis versa, is also a warning. I don't believe it's just the boys in your home (though that is a red flag also), but that she also wants to limit her daughters contact with YOU as a possible influence. Everything is pointing to the "your belief/life/marriage/family is not good/conservative/religious/christian enough" for them and THEY are trying to be the "good" influence for YOUR children. There is a lot of control issues going on here also. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 How does everyone know who the Pearls are?...I have never heard of them in my life :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 How does everyone know who the Pearls are?...I have never heard of them in my life :tongue_smilie: They are promoted in certain types of churches and throughout the homeschooling community (thankfully, you are a sign that they are lessening their foothold ;) ). People that promote things like the Ezzos, Gothard, Kenaston, and even some that promote Vision Forum, will also promote or at least know of the Pearls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Yes, it would. She is a self-centered twit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 They are promoted in certain types of churches and throughout the homeschooling community (thankfully, you are a sign that they are lessening their foothold ;) ). People that promote things like the Ezzos, Gothard, Kenaston, and even some that promote Vision Forum, will also promote or at least know of the Pearls. Thanks so much...I never heard of the other people you mentioned either...I guess I am totally out of the loop :tongue_smilie: I did a quick google search and came across an article called "Abusive Husband"...In it, she (Debi Pearl) advises women to stay with their husbands even if they have multiple affairs and molest the children...That you should be waiting with open arms after your husband does a 10-20 yr time in prison for molesting YOUR children, because the children will now be out of the house and safe... I am a Christian, and that sounds insane to me!...I wonder if "Husbands, love your wife like Christ loves the church" is stressed in this circle... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 It certainly isn't. Reply to the previous poster. That is only part of what is totally unbiblical about their teaching. All I know is that if someone molests his children, the Biblical teaching is that it is better for them that a millstone be tied to their necks and thrown in the river. That doesn't hold much with the idea of welcoming back an unrepentant molester. (Me, I am not one to hold with letting them back even if they were repentant but that is another issue). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Thanks so much...I never heard of the other people you mentioned either...I guess I am totally out of the loop :tongue_smilie: I did a quick google search and came across an article called "Abusive Husband"...In it, she (Debi Pearl) advises women to stay with their husbands even if they have multiple affairs and molest the children...That you should be waiting with open arms after your husband does a 10-20 yr time in prison for molesting YOUR children, because the children will now be out of the house and safe... I am a Christian, and that sounds insane to me!...I wonder if "Husbands, love your wife like Christ loves the church" is stressed in this circle... She promotes this in the book thta was given to the OP. She even says that if the children are still at home that she should allow the dh back into the home with open arms. Apparently in their eyes a divorce would be unforgiveable. Scary stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 They are also against legalised marriage (aka getting a marital license from the state and registering it with the state). They have daughters that have gotten "married", but are not married in the eyes of the state. Now, personally, I think marriage should be separate in some ways, but in others, especially given the set up they've already created for abuse within the marriage, I think they've set their daughters up even more so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 For those who aren't familiar with the Pearls, here is a pretty good set of links re: their approach to parenting: http://www.tulipgirl.com/index.php/category/michaelanddebipearl/ I don't think there would be any shortage of criticism on the book directed at girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 In church right now we are doing a series on the conscience (Romans 14). What she is doing goes directly against the teaching of Romans 14, so her behavior is ungodly! If she is convinced in her own mind that how she behaves towards her own husband is right, then fine. She has no business convincing your dd that extra-Biblical rules are from God. I don't have a problem with people sharing their convictions and how they arrived at those beliefs. But in no way is anyone to bind the consciences of others when it comes to areas where the Bible is not specific. ! :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Yes, when making plans as the whole Scripture says, not when you have an issue with an individual. There is nothing in the Bible that says you can't consult with someone on a problem you're having if you also honor the Matt 18 command, which the OP has done. Sometimes when you're dealing with someone who is "out there", you begin to question your own judgment. And sometimes we can deceive ourselves as well and our upset is really disproportionate to the offense. Edited February 8, 2011 by Laurie4b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Haven't read all replies, but I wouldn't want my dd influenced in any way by any Pearl crap. Not by the book, not by that mom and not by a friend being brainwashed by the mom and the Pearls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 How difficult! I would set very strict boundaries about your dd never EVER going to their house ever again...and never going anywhere where those parents would have close contact with your dc. I would leave some space for the girl's friendship outside of that mother's claws...but I doubt the other mother will do the same. I would have a talk; dh, you, and her. Make certain she knows she isn't being punished, and you love no matter what she ever does. Ask her what her take on the family is. I'm sure she has heard and seen things...I think it might be easier to help her if you try to start with things she has seen and heard. I'd definitely prepare some things to share with her about the Pearl's in general, so she sees the seriousness of the situation. This isn't a mild debate on endtime theology...kwim Does your dd have other friends? I'd be making sure to not only pull her out of that situation, but to fill up the void...mother/daughter time in addition to fostering other friendships. And...my oldest is only 8 so maybe I shouldn't post, but I can't help but think I'm going to run into this sooner or later with my own... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy loves Bud Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I would be offended and I would likely end the relationship. The fact that she bypassed you knowing how you feel about the Pearls says all I need to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I would be offended and I would likely end the relationship. The fact that she bypassed you knowing how you feel about the Pearls says all I need to know. :iagree: As dear wife has said, time to hit the 'eject' button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I'm so sorry Sue, what an incredibly stressful thing to happen. How tragic that this woman has had such an effect on your relationship with your daughter. Our Mama Bear instincts are so rarely wrong are they, much as we try to rationalise them. I had a similar situation with my son, similar but complete opposite in that I am secular and they allow their children to do stuff that I just don't agree with and exposed my son to some really horrible stuff, knowing that I would disapprove. This is the conversation I had with my son. It should also be discussed this "submissive" wife is undermining your parental rights as Sonshine pointed out. And while she apparently wants everyone to respect her beliefs, she is not offering that same respect to your family. She has insulted you as a mother as well as her brothers. And while he was very upset about the fact that he would never see this kid again, he did understand what I was saying about parental authority and why I was so mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Just in case you wanted some resources to address the specifics in the book when you think your dd is ready: http://responsivereiding.com/2008/03/01/created-to-be-his-help-meet-a-review-sort-of/ and a direct quote for the book for women: "A Command Man who has gone bad is likely to be abusive. It is important to remember that much of how a Command Man reacts depends on his wife's reverence towards him. When a Command Man (lost or saved) is treated with honor and reverence, a good help meet will find that her man will be wonderfully protective and supportive. In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor, and reverence, and is not getting it. Thus he reacts badly." (pg. 79) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Sherry Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 ..... I cautioned her about the Pearl's and how they tend to twist scripture to make it say what they want, etc. I told her that I disagreed with pretty much everything Debi Pearl has to say in this book (I have read it) ..... Anyway, I picked my daughter up from her house tonight and she had a book in her hand. I asked what it was and she said that Mrs. "so and so" got it for her when she picked up a copy for her own daughter and another friend. It was "Preparing to Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. :glare: I told my daughter I would have to read it first before I let her read it and that is certainly was thoughtful of her friend's mother to buy it for her. Would you be upset? This woman, knowing how I felt about the Pearl's, went ahead and purchased a book for my daughter, written by Debi Pearl? Would you feel like this woman was overstepping her boundaries a bit? I read a bit of the book tonight just to "see" if perhaps I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Nope. Same junk. Just written for impressionable young girls this time. Anyway, just wanted some opinions. I already emailed this woman and politely told her my daughter wouldn't be needing it but how thoughtful it was for her to think of her. And it was. She really is a nice woman. We just "differ" in our opinions on pretty much everything! LOL. Well, I certainly would not have told her that it was "thoughtful" for her to think of my daughter. I think she was disrespectful towards you as the parent because she already knows you do not like the Pearl books. Oh, those books are HORRID. They should be burnt, stomped on, torn apart, drenched in water, well , you get the picture. They have caused some serious problems. How people cannot see how twisted those books are in light of scripture is a bit scary . :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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