WWYD-Is this mom leaning on me too much?

[Wendi]

I agree with everyone else. She's taking advantage of you, being rude and unprofessional. You're going to have to call her and be firm. "I think we have a big misunderstanding. The first week of class, you asked me to keep an eye on your kids while you put your things away. I was willing to do that. However, I am NOT willing to be responsible for them every week. It's important to me to focus on my own kids during that time. Please do not send your kids to sit near me again." If she tries to argue or say they'll be good, you'll just have to repeat yourself. "No. Please don't send them to me. You need to make other arrangements." If she really won't do this, you'll have to talk to the director.

[QueenCat]

I agree with everyone else. She's taking advantage of you, being rude and unprofessional. You're going to have to call her and be firm. "I think we have a big misunderstanding. The first week of class, you asked me to keep an eye on your kids while you put your things away. I was willing to do that. However, I am NOT willing to be responsible for them every week. It's important to me to focus on my own kids during that time. Please do not send your kids to sit near me again." If she tries to argue or say they'll be good, you'll just have to repeat yourself. "No. Please don't send them to me. You need to make other arrangements." If she really won't do this, you'll have to talk to the director.

 

If not showing up this week isn't enough, you need to say this if she sends them to you again. No beating around the bush will work.

[CarrieF]

What if you made yourself scarce a couple of times? Can you leave your kids there and go off? If you did that then she'd have to think about what to do with them a bit more and maybe leave them with someone. Either that or let them run riot whilst you are doing your busy work rather than attend to them.

Stephanie

:iagree:This would DEFINITELY force her to reevaluate her own situation and the fact that they ARE her children/responsibility. If she would have the nerve to question your absence, THEN I would go the direct, "If you want to pay me what I'm paying my babysitter to watch my other children at home . . ." or if you are PMSing you could get VERY creative! :D

[2cents]

She is being incredibly rude! If all else fails, you could 'babysit' with a tote filled with sugary, gooey, messy candy and let them color with Sharpies. That should discourage her! :D

[amydavis]

Wow.Just.Wow.

I can't believe the nerve she has! I agree with the others about talking to the director. This is beyond unprofessional. I mean, you are paying for this class; it's insane that you're being treated this way.

 

I wouldn't miss class; you've missed a couple before, and she simply says they missed you and sends them to you. I would be firm, tell her "no" when she sends them. I'd move to another spot if necessary and repeat as many times as necessary, "No." If the children came to me, I'd turn them around and say they needed to go to their mom. I'd catch eyes with her, and do the nod that says, "here they come, I sent them."

 

I'm sitting here hoping we get some good news about today!

[Scuff]

Part of this is you letting it happen. Don't take them outside. Don't concern yourself at all with them or thier behavior. Sounds like she's very persistant, though! Wow! Since talking hasn't worked, nor being absent 2 weeks, I'm thinking being late won't either. You may have to bring all your extra coats and stake out all the seats around you so there's no place for them to sit. Andwhen thr kids come running, just keep sending them back to mom. Tell them over and over tht they can't sit withou. At least then they'll be running back and forth between you and mom instead of bugging you the whole time. Hope you can get through to her!

[clarkacademy]

If I would have done all that and she still sent her kids by me, I would have lost it and loudly. I know temper tantrums are not attractive for adults and I hate to say it but sometimes that is all some adults understand. I had a neighbor a year ago who would constantly leave her 2 year old out in the complex and go to bed. I took that child home so many times until finally I complained to the apt. manager and the manager told me it had been an ongoing problem and other neighbors would overhear her telling the child to knock on peoples doors asking to play or eat!! It happened once more and loudly I told her if the kid ever knocked on my door again I would let her in and call the police. She never did it again.

[bettyandbob]

I haven't read the responses, but it looks like you aren't going to get to see the class.

 

If it were me, I'd start just driving by and dropping the boys. I wouldn't even get out of the car. I'd go to starbucks and knit, lesson plan, etc. Or I'd go to a park and walk (if you don't know a good route in the neighborhood, check out http://www.mapmyrun.com). I'd also contact the sponsor and tell her I had wanted to stay and observe classes, but found it impossible. I'd explain that I wanted to support the classes at home. If after a couple of weeks it looked like I was never going to be observing the classes, I'd make decision : request a refund, stick with the class and use the babysitting time for me, or stick with the class and cancel the sitter hauling all dc to drop off and pick up.

 

If at the end of the session, I felt my dc performance in the class was affected by my inability to watch and help at home, I wouldn't sign up again and I'd tell the sponsor why.

[Mommy22alyns]

:001_huh: Wow. She has some serious nerve. I agree with just dropping off your boys for a few sessions and making yourself scarce.

[elegantlion]

Tell her to pay you what you are paying a sitter at home so that you can be there. Tell her that you arranged to PAY a sitter so that you can watch the class and that you feel taken advantage of by her making you her unpaid sitter. I am in a ballsy mood so I would tell her that her kids are way too young to not have dedicated supervision while she is leading this class. Suggest that she hire someone to do this and perhaps that there is a parent of one of her students who can help her find someone.

 

:iagree:

don't sit in your car to avoid her kids, you WANT to watch your boys right? Just ignore her kids, if they become disruptive, move away. If this does not work, tell her her children are being disruptive, could she please attend to them? assertiveness is necessary with people who are assertively taking advantage of you!

:iagree: This is one of those situations where you have to put on the armor.

 

Hope to hear a happy update!!! I think this woman will need a direct conversation.

 

Just because a woman is sitting alone doesn't mean she is raring to be a babysitter. Sheesh, the nerve.

[jujsky]

Sounds to me like you aren't able to watch this class no matter what you do, so I'd drop off the boys and return to pick them up later. You can either dismiss your baby-sitter and save the money, or use the time for yourself. This woman is clearly taking advantage of you and you are losing out on money in the process.

[Stacie]

Argh! I've tried three times to post this update. I hate how this site times you out so quickly. Anyway...

 

I had to laugh at Crunchy Amy's little red car smiley. I did drive my little red convertible, top down of course, and it turned out to be a blessing! Sorry the update got long, but it was an interesting afternoon!

 

I dropped off the boys and was chatting with another mom by my car when the coach J walked up. She sent the kids over to me and I told her I was about to leave to run some errands, and would return in time to pick up my kids. She looked over at my car and told me to wait a few minutes while she put her stuff down inside and she'd come help me move the kids car seats over, since I didn't bring any of mine. :001_huh: I told her that would not work. She looked at me like a hog looking at a wristwatch. I said my car wasn't big enough, I didn't drive anyone else's kids around town, I wasn't going to take responsibility for her three kids while I ran my own personal errands, and I have never and will never put a 4yo in the front seat of a convertible. She stomped off. Sometime in there the other mom snuck off too! ;)

 

After a drive to S'bucks, a trip to return library books, and a little drive enjoying the beautiful weather I went back. Half the class was over and as I walked up I noticed the director P on the playground with J's kids. She motioned me over, looking uncomfortable. I've been friendly with P for years so was okay discussing this with her. She informed me she's sorry for this awkward conversation, but since J hired me to watch her kids I shouldn't leave her stranded while I take care of personal business. I should stick to my commitments except for emergency or illness since the classes depend on the complete attention of the coaches. 'Thump' went my jaw.

 

I explained how I've been trying to avoid watching J's kids for weeks, we have no arrangement for childcare, I have not been hired by her, I'm missing out on watching my own kids when she hoists hers on me, etc. I reminded her that her young cousin is my babysitter, and it makes no sense that I would hire someone to watch mine only to come up here and watch someone else's. The light went on for both of us when she told me a condition of hiring the coaches was that any children too young to take the class must have caretakers. :glare: She lied to get the job.

 

We took the kids back into the class together, she sat them down in the back corner (and they actually stayed) until class ended. I grabbed my boys and left, noticing a very intense conversation between coach and director, with a few dirty looks being thrown my way. Oh well... :tongue_smilie:

[JudoMom]

Argh! I've tried three times to post this update. I hate how this site times you out so quickly. Anyway...

 

I had to laugh at Crunchy Amy's little red car smiley. I did drive my little red convertible, top down of course, and it turned out to be a blessing! Sorry the update got long, but it was an interesting afternoon!

 

I dropped off the boys and was chatting with another mom by my car when the coach J walked up. She sent the kids over to me and I told her I was about to leave to run some errands, and would return in time to pick up my kids. She looked over at my car and told me to wait a few minutes while she put her stuff down inside and she'd come help me move the kids car seats over, since I didn't bring any of mine. :001_huh: I told her that would not work. She looked at me like a hog looking at a wristwatch. I said my car wasn't big enough, I didn't drive anyone else's kids around town, I wasn't going to take responsibility for her three kids while I ran my own personal errands, and I have never and will never put a 4yo in the front seat of a convertible. She stomped off. Sometime in there the other mom snuck off too! ;)

 

After a drive to S'bucks, a trip to return library books, and a little drive enjoying the beautiful weather I went back. Half the class was over and as I walked up I noticed the director P on the playground with J's kids. She motioned me over, looking uncomfortable. I've been friendly with P for years so was okay discussing this with her. She informed me she's sorry for this awkward conversation, but since J hired me to watch her kids I shouldn't leave her stranded while I take care of personal business. I should stick to my commitments except for emergency or illness since the classes depend on the complete attention of the coaches. 'Thump' went my jaw.

 

I explained how I've been trying to avoid watching J's kids for weeks, we have no arrangement for childcare, I have not been hired by her, I'm missing out on watching my own kids when she hoists hers on me, etc. I reminded her that her young cousin is my babysitter, and it makes no sense that I would hire someone to watch mine only to come up here and watch someone else's. The light went on for both of us when she told me a condition of hiring the coaches was that any children too young to take the class must have caretakers. :glare: She lied to get the job.

 

We took the kids back into the class together, she sat them down in the back corner (and they actually stayed) until class ended. I grabbed my boys and left, noticing a very intense conversation between coach and director, with a few dirty looks being thrown my way. Oh well... :tongue_smilie:

 

:svengo::001_huh::lol:

[QueenCat]

After a drive to S'bucks, a trip to return library books, and a little drive enjoying the beautiful weather I went back. Half the class was over and as I walked up I noticed the director P on the playground with J's kids. She motioned me over, looking uncomfortable. I've been friendly with P for years so was okay discussing this with her. She informed me she's sorry for this awkward conversation, but since J hired me to watch her kids I shouldn't leave her stranded while I take care of personal business. I should stick to my commitments except for emergency or illness since the classes depend on the complete attention of the coaches. 'Thump' went my jaw.

 

I explained how I've been trying to avoid watching J's kids for weeks, we have no arrangement for childcare, I have not been hired by her, I'm missing out on watching my own kids when she hoists hers on me, etc. I reminded her that her young cousin is my babysitter, and it makes no sense that I would hire someone to watch mine only to come up here and watch someone else's. The light went on for both of us when she told me a condition of hiring the coaches was that any children too young to take the class must have caretakers. :glare: She lied to get the job.

 

We took the kids back into the class together, she sat them down in the back corner (and they actually stayed) until class ended. I grabbed my boys and left, noticing a very intense conversation between coach and director, with a few dirty looks being thrown my way. Oh well... :tongue_smilie:

 

WOW!!!! Words can not even describe my thoughts right now....

[Veritaserum]

Argh! I've tried three times to post this update. I hate how this site times you out so quickly. Anyway...

 

I had to laugh at Crunchy Amy's little red car smiley. I did drive my little red convertible, top down of course, and it turned out to be a blessing! Sorry the update got long, but it was an interesting afternoon!

 

I dropped off the boys and was chatting with another mom by my car when the coach J walked up. She sent the kids over to me and I told her I was about to leave to run some errands, and would return in time to pick up my kids. She looked over at my car and told me to wait a few minutes while she put her stuff down inside and she'd come help me move the kids car seats over, since I didn't bring any of mine. :001_huh: I told her that would not work. She looked at me like a hog looking at a wristwatch. I said my car wasn't big enough, I didn't drive anyone else's kids around town, I wasn't going to take responsibility for her three kids while I ran my own personal errands, and I have never and will never put a 4yo in the front seat of a convertible. She stomped off. Sometime in there the other mom snuck off too! ;)

 

After a drive to S'bucks, a trip to return library books, and a little drive enjoying the beautiful weather I went back. Half the class was over and as I walked up I noticed the director P on the playground with J's kids. She motioned me over, looking uncomfortable. I've been friendly with P for years so was okay discussing this with her. She informed me she's sorry for this awkward conversation, but since J hired me to watch her kids I shouldn't leave her stranded while I take care of personal business. I should stick to my commitments except for emergency or illness since the classes depend on the complete attention of the coaches. 'Thump' went my jaw.

 

I explained how I've been trying to avoid watching J's kids for weeks, we have no arrangement for childcare, I have not been hired by her, I'm missing out on watching my own kids when she hoists hers on me, etc. I reminded her that her young cousin is my babysitter, and it makes no sense that I would hire someone to watch mine only to come up here and watch someone else's. The light went on for both of us when she told me a condition of hiring the coaches was that any children too young to take the class must have caretakers. :glare: She lied to get the job.

 

We took the kids back into the class together, she sat them down in the back corner (and they actually stayed) until class ended. I grabbed my boys and left, noticing a very intense conversation between coach and director, with a few dirty looks being thrown my way. Oh well... :tongue_smilie:

 

:001_huh: Wow.

[SquirrellyMama]

WOW!!!! Words can not even describe my thoughts right now....

 

:iagree:

[unsinkable]

I think "J" should give you retroactive pay for all these weeks you've watched her kids since she thinks she "hired" you.

 

I am just baffled at the gall of some people!!!!

[DarlaS]

The light went on for both of us when she told me a condition of hiring the coaches was that any children too young to take the class must have caretakers. :glare: She lied to get the job.

 

 

 

Well, now you know. She was absolutely and blatantly using you. I wouldn't feel too bad about anything that happens now!

 

And holy cow. She tried to put them in your car!! :svengo:

[Mary in VA]

Oh my! Wow, just wow!

 

Please update after the next class! I'm dying to know what J says to you, if she even has the nerve to approach you at all!

 

Mary

[Jeannie in NJ]

I second WOW and think that she should get fired since she lied in the first place to get the job. Did she honestly think she would not get found out?

[unsinkable]

Well, now you know. She was absolutely and blatantly using you. I wouldn't feel too bad about anything that happens now!

 

And holy cow. She tried to put them in your car!! :svengo:

 

And "J" said something about Stacie not bringing carseats!

 

It's like the Pig World...

Edited January 19, 2011 by unsinkable

[jujsky]

I think "J" should give you retroactive pay for all these weeks you've watched her kids since she thinks she "hired" you.

 

I am just baffled at the gall of some people!!!!

 

:iagree: Wow! That woman has an incredible amount of nerve!!!!!

[Kalypso]

I am truly amazed at the woman. I can't believe she actually tried to put her kids in your car. I hope this finally takes care of the situation for you.

[In the Rain]

Wow! :001_huh: That is not what I was expecting. :lol: How in the world did she think this could go on, and she wouldn't get caught? Is she kind of loony? Anyhow, good for you.

[bettyandbob]

What an update!

 

She agreed she would have childcare for the job--and didn't.

 

She tried to put her kids in your car.

 

She told the director she was paying you??!!

 

 

WOW! I'm truly amazed at how some people act.

[UnsinkableKristen]

No. Way. :svengo:

[Pink Fairy]

:blink:, :eek:, :huh:, :svengo:, and finally, :cheers2: to you for standing up to Ms. Ballsy.

[Belacqua]

How bizarre. She's behaving almost as if she genuinely believes she hired Stacie to babysit. Maybe she figures if she wishes hard enough...

[Lostinabook]

I think "J" should give you retroactive pay for all these weeks you've watched her kids since she thinks she "hired" you.

 

:iagree:

 

And I believe I'd include a bill for the laptop repair as well.

[PinkInTheBlue]

Wow! Big wow! I only read your initial post and your followup and I just am amazed someone would lie and use that way. The nerve! I constantly think people can't surprise me any more...and then... :)

 

Purely for curiosity and nosy reasons, post any further updates. :D

[Gooblink]

Sheesh! I just don't understand how some people operate. Glad you were able to set her straight.

[jenL]

Unbelievable! It baffles me how some people can be so brazen in their actions, and then have the nerve to blame others for their inability to do the right thing.

 

Hooray to you for being truthful!!! I hope you are now free to enjoy the classes and watch your kids! Don't think any more of this as you have done NOTHING WRONG this entire time. She sounds crazy.

 

Update after the next class... I'm interested to see where this goes...

[Stacie]

I just got off the phone with P. J did not have a sitter per her agreement with P, and on the first day of class she had to bring her kids. When P saw her kids sitting alone and acting up, she sent J to sit with them for the rest of the class and told her without childcare she could not continue teaching and her oldest could not participate unless she paid tuition (coaches' kids attend tuition free). She said J claimed we had an agreement to trade babysitting chores with one another. I've never agreed to any such nonsense, and told P as much. She knows I didn't and after talking with me will put J on probation. If she isn't in compliance by the next class she's terminated. I'm trying not to feel guilty because I know she put herself in this predicament, not me. But still...:sad:

 

I also suggested that P watch out for other moms who may fall victim to this garbage. I'm happy with how P has taken over and handling it now, but still frustrated at how J's acted.

[elegantlion]

Wow! Big wow! I only read your initial post and your followup and I just am amazed someone would lie and use that way. The nerve! I constantly think people can't surprise me any more...and then... :)

 

Purely for curiosity and nosy reasons, post any further updates. :D

 

Oh, please we need an update! It's amazing how the truth has the ability to rise to the surface. Congratulations!!!

 

(in my best sing song voice) You got her in trouble, you got her in trouble.

[Cherryanne]

I just got off the phone with P. J did not have a sitter per her agreement with P, and on the first day of class she had to bring her kids. When P saw her kids sitting alone and acting up, she sent J to sit with them for the rest of the class and told her without childcare she could not continue teaching and her oldest could not participate unless she paid tuition (coaches' kids attend tuition free). She said J claimed we had an agreement to trade babysitting chores with one another. I've never agreed to any such nonsense, and told P as much. She knows I didn't and after talking with me will put J on probation. If she isn't in compliance by the next class she's terminated. I'm trying not to feel guilty because I know she put herself in this predicament, not me. But still...:sad:

 

I also suggested that P watch out for other moms who may fall victim to this garbage. I'm happy with how P has taken over and handling it now, but still frustrated at how J's acted.

 

 

Please DO NOT feel guilty about this! I'm sorry, but this woman sounds like she has some real issues. I'm sorry you got caught up in them.

[Stacie]

I really, really wish we had a "like" button here like on Facebook. I like/love so many of your posts!! :)

[Veritaserum]

I just got off the phone with P. J did not have a sitter per her agreement with P, and on the first day of class she had to bring her kids. When P saw her kids sitting alone and acting up, she sent J to sit with them for the rest of the class and told her without childcare she could not continue teaching and her oldest could not participate unless she paid tuition (coaches' kids attend tuition free). She said J claimed we had an agreement to trade babysitting chores with one another. I've never agreed to any such nonsense, and told P as much. She knows I didn't and after talking with me will put J on probation. If she isn't in compliance by the next class she's terminated. I'm trying not to feel guilty because I know she put herself in this predicament, not me. But still...:sad:

 

I also suggested that P watch out for other moms who may fall victim to this garbage. I'm happy with how P has taken over and handling it now, but still frustrated at how J's acted.

 

:grouphug: Not your fault, not your problem.

[NanceXToo]

O.M.G. !!!

 

!!!

 

!!!

 

:svengo:

 

I just read this whole thread with my jaw on the floor. I cannot BELIEVE that woman!!!

 

You have nothing to feel guilty about and that nutcase should have been fired as far as I'm concerned!

 

If she does so much as look at you sideways next week or refuse to greet you politely or anything, I would be right back in that director's ear complaining about how awkward she is making me feel as a paying customer...

 

...who CERTAINLY shouldn't have to be hiding out in the car or "running errands" instead of watching her kids' class in order to avoid any sort of unpleasantness or awkwardness...YOU PAY THESE PEOPLE!!

 

Man, I feel all mad at that woman and I don't even know her lol.

[Patches]

This woman is amazing! Really, I have no words.

I'm glad the truth came out.

You did nothing wrong! No guilt!

[Cherryanne]

:iagree:w/ EVERYTHING NanceXToo just said! She shouldn't be allowed to make you feel remotely uncomfortable for exposing her lies!

[Mama2Three]

:blink:, :eek:, :huh:, :svengo:, and finally, :cheers2: to you for standing up to Ms. Ballsy.

 

:iagree: Especially the cheers! Hopefully you will now be able to enjoy watching your children, as you originally intended.

[FaithManor]

"I am standing here beside myself!" (to coin a movie phrase)

 

Let me see, is the woman schizophrenic, living in an alternate reality similar to the Nexus from Star Trek (I only know this by description from my children), or borderline personality disorder/sociopathic?????

 

Personally, I hope she doesn't come up with childcare and is fired. This does not sound like the type of person who should be around other people's children.

 

Good grief!

Faith

[FO4UR]

speechless...:svengo:

[elfgivas]

i'm so glad you had thought it through, were ready to run errands, and stand your ground. the poor director.... talk about awkward!!!

 

i hope she's not hard on your kids as a result : (.

ann

[Carol in Cal.]

I also suggested that P watch out for other moms who may fall victim to this garbage. I'm happy with how P has taken over and handling it now, but still frustrated at how J's acted.

 

Wow. I would not leave my kids with this woman. She is irresponsible and dishonest. Who knows what she will do. Finish the class, staying at each session, and then don't go back. Wow.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Don't feel guilty! This woman had choices. She chose not to get childcare before the first class (which I realize can be hard and I would give her grace for that at first). But then she found a way to use someone else (you) for free and chose to go that route instead of finding child care over the last 2 months. When you started to balk and tried to confront her, she chose to ignore it and to try to box you in. Then when you chose to leave, she chose to push her kids on you ("wait and I'll get the carseats!"). And when she was really left on her own, she chose to lie about the situation to the director!

[fairfarmhand]

:eek::svengo:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Oh my goodness. She has nerve.

 

Out of curiosity, is this woman a close friend or somewhat of a close friend? Did you have a sitting relationship prior to this class? IMHO if she was not any of these, then it makes her behavior even worse. OTOH friends don't treat friends like this woman treated you:(.

[simka2]

This thread has been so entertaining!!!!

 

and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!!!

[Danestress]

Is this like the homschool Mom's version of those reality shows in which women do really horrid and immoral things? We may not watch that trash, but we can't stop reading about THIS train wreck!

 

I've been sort of riveted, lol. If this were on tv, I probably wouldn't be watching it, but it's been ridiculously fun to read about it!