Do you take it personally when people criticize homeschooling?

[Shawn On the Border]

Today, at one of the kid's activities, I told a woman that I was homeschooling, and all she could talk about was how socially inept homeschoolers were. I guess I should be used to criticism after 7 years of homeschooling, but it really caught me off-guard. Her point was that older homeschoolers are missing the "teen culture". From what I've seen and heard about "teen culture", that could be a good thing.

 

It is upsetting that people accept the child that acts out, or disobeys, as normal, but the child that acts mature and obedient as troubled. My kids are well-adjusted, normal kids. They are doing fantastic academically, and have lots of activities and some friends. Should they be misbehaving for others to think that they are "normal"? (forgive me for the sarcasm- I am grumpy).

[Rosie_0801]

People criticising homeschooling are not usually basing their thoughts on any deliberate research, so no. It wouldn't make much sense for me to feel hurt, thinking "what kind of idiot do you think I am?" when I'm thinking they're an idiot ;) Of course I have many years ahead so who knows what hits are going to get through weak spots in my armour.

 

What is there to say to a woman like you're describing? "So you think I should let my kids wear fishnets and have their faces pierced? Or would it be better to let them sit down at the park smoking pot? They could do both, I guess. Hmm. Thanks for the suggestions."

 

Rosie

[MotherMayI]

Ummmm. I think her comment shows that she is socially inept! I normally don't take it personally- just blame ignorance, however since you had just told her you homeschooled and she proceeded to call homeschoolers socially inept...hmmm...that would annoy me.

[Jenn in Mo]

I have no problem with people not agreeing on my education choice, but I wouldn't appreciate them criticizing my choices without my asking for their opinion.

 

Those are the moments I wish I had the guts to interrupt and say, "Yeah, well I don't care for your taste in clothes, but you're still welcome to make your own choices."

[texasmama]

I don't take it personally because anyone criticizing homeschooling to me doesn't know me very well at all. But I still think it is rude to do so.:001_smile:

[gaillardia]

People criticising homeschooling are not usually basing their thoughts on any deliberate research, so no. It wouldn't make much sense for me to feel hurt, thinking "what kind of idiot do you think I am?" when I'm thinking they're an idiot ;) Of course I have many years ahead so who knows what hits are going to get through weak spots in my armour.

 

What is there to say to a woman like you're describing? "So you think I should let my kids wear fishnets and have their faces pierced? Or would it be better to let them sit down at the park smoking pot? They could do both, I guess. Hmm. Thanks for the suggestions."

 

Rosie

:lol:

:001_huh:This is me when someone says something that is critical of homeschooling. I don't think of snappy comebacks very well, always being unprepared for sarcasm, or idiots.

For the most part, at least in the past 2 years, we've had lots of good comments thrown our way regarding our kids, their behavior as compared to the "other" kids, and their ability to remain focused on issues at hand, and cooperative participation, and that's with public school teachers we know making some of the kind comments as well.

[Aubrey]

I can't think of anyone I've met who's been anti-homeschooling & intelligent enough to say so in a truly offensive way. :001_smile:

 

There was this one girl, though...she spent the better part of an hour with my dc & me, complaining about how uneducated, socially awkward, & WEIRD homeschoolers are. She's a nice girl. Not very bright, had to retake the state teacher exams a few times, has a thick west Tx accent, but means well. That's how I know she genuinely didn't have a clue how offensive she was being.

 

I'd have been really steamed, though, if my kids had been listening & then ended up being worried that they were weird. :glare: Luckily, they were off in their own imaginary world. :D

[Heather in Neverland]

I used to when I first started. Now I just ignore them because they have no idea what they are talking about and frankly, I am bored with defending my choice. If they don't like it, too bad.

[Peela]

No, I wouldn't take it personally...but if someone started criticising homeschooling to me when I have just told them I am homeschooling....I would consider them rude and unsocialised.

Most people I know know virtually nothing about homeschooling though so I havent come across the issue- they are wary, immediately think of the socialisation issue...but are generally curious. WHen they meet my kids...they are often more open minded (they do not look like they are locked up in a cupboard all day and let out to socialise ocasionally- they can meet eyes and communicate well with adults.)

[Alicia64]

When people say something rude or look at me funny (when the kids are out in public way before school is out). . . I always think inside of myself, "yeah, I woke up this morning really hoping you'd tell me what you think of homeschooling.

 

Because I really, really care what you think about the state of public schools and my children's best life."

 

I know I'm snotty -- remember all of this is internal, I don't really say it -- but sheesh!!!

 

Alley

[kewb]

I choose not to take it personally. On the upside, I rarely get negative comments. I tend to shut down potential offensive subjects by thanking them for their concern and asking them to pass the bean dip.

[stripe]

I mean, there are people who want to save sexuality for marriage who are teased for not "experiencing life," and people who don't drink who are called "uptight," and so on, so at some point, you just have to decide NOT to take it personally. Probably by deciding that you ARE keeping your kids from "teen culture" (because you/they think it's dumb, dangerous, whatever) OR that you're not (and you have a plan so that they don't feel isolated, so they take art/skateboarding/plumbing/soccer classes). Decide which approach you favor and then, basically, let other people's opinions drift out the other ear.

[Saille]

It only bothers me insofar as, like anything else (childbirthing/rearing choices come to mind for me personally), it always seems to be the people with the least information who feel most free to dispense their opinions. I do get tired of that.

[Mejane]

Would "Did you hear that? It was the sound of my brain shutting down in the face of your incredible ignorance" be too b*tchy? ;)

[Sahamamama]

I told a woman that I was homeschooling, and all she could talk about was how socially inept homeschoolers were.

 

I always find this so ironic, don't you?

 

Think about it. ;)

[Pretty in Pink]

Would "Did you hear that? It was the sound of my brain shutting down in the face of your incredible ignorance" be too b*tchy? ;)

 

Bwahahahah!

 

I have said, "Your statements are rude and judgmental. It seems to me that your social skills are the ones that could use some work."

[AuntPol]

For most part, people do not criticize my choice. I've had one aunt, a school teacher, that didn't have a favorable view but she keeps her mouth shut about it. She won't discuss education with me period (except to complain about her students, her students' parents, the imcompetence of the other teachers, etc. (and I want to scream -you do all this complaining and think my kids would be better off there!)

 

The only remarks I get are the "I could never do that" or more commonly, public schoolers working really hard to try and justify why their school is good and why they public school. I try to politely tell them I don't care what they do. I don't think homeschooling is the "only" choice. I personally do know people I think are doing their child a disservice by homeschooling and some I think are doing a disservice by public schooling. There is no "one size fits all" best choice.

 

But no, I don't take it personal. I usually see criticism of homeschooling being directly linked to feelings of being threatened in some way, based on poor information or because their exposure has been limited to some of the nuttier homeschool families.

 

We homeschool and I don't feel my kids are missing "teen culture." My preteen daughter is very aware of what fashions are popular and what is not and she dresses fashionably from the "right" stores without the sluttier elements, she knows the latest songs, movies, books, etc (though not allowed to read Twilight, she is aware of the plot from her friends). She has crushes, friend issues, and experience with cliques, bullies, mean girls, nerdy girls, etc. She emails and texts her friends and talks on the phone too much. I taught a class this past fall to teens and they were pretty typical teens. There were cliques, slang, discussions of pop stars, rock stars, movies, clothing, etc. I don't see how homeschoolers escape teen culture unless they live in a very rural area.

[AuntPol]

I always find this so ironic, don't you?

 

Think about it. ;)

 

It was my first thought!

[Tammyla]

I try to extend a little grace, and not take it personally.

 

However, I wonder how she would have taken a negative monologue on ps teens s@xting, drinking, smoking p@t, bullying, having s@X, highly valuing disrespect and cheating, coupled with the lack and acceptance of academic focus in many public schools.:tongue_smilie:

 

My mom always said to smile and kill em with kindness.

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

I always find this so ironic, don't you?

 

Think about it. ;)

[FO4UR]

I always find this so ironic, don't you?

 

Think about it. ;)

 

:iagree:

 

I think I'd reply, "I am aware of the stereotype. I do teach my children to speak kindly to people even when the favor isn't returned." (turn and leave)

[angela in ohio]

You can borrow our family motto: "We've seen normal, and we don't want any part of it." :D Young people who are well-behaved and kind stick out, and it threatens people's idea that all teens must be terrible, so it's okay if theirs are. You hear the same thing in the warnings of "just you wait." Luckily, I know many lovely ladies with college aged and young adult children who assure me that it doesn't have to be that way. :001_smile:

 

I don't take it personally, unless it's dh's family. ;) They always do the "homeschoolers are awful, but you guys are okay" barely visible insult dance. :lol:

[Mynyel]

I haven't read all the reply's but what irks me a tad.. although I don't point out the obvious. Is when a person says they didn't choose homeschooling because they want their kids to socialize. And these are people that have their kids go to the same sporting events yours do and all of them get along great. :glare: In some instance my kids socialize better! :D

[Dayle in Guatemala]

No.

 

They are entitled to their opinion and I'm entitled to live the life God wants us to live. All good.

 

The only thing I take personally is when my dc get negative. But, I take it personally in a good way. I look at it as the chance to look over what we're doing and see if there are any changes in direction we need. It keeps me on my toes. So, it's a motivator, not a bad thing necessarily.

[LisaKinVA]

Today, at one of the kid's activities, I told a woman that I was homeschooling, and all she could talk about was how socially inept homeschoolers were. I guess I should be used to criticism after 7 years of homeschooling, but it really caught me off-guard. Her point was that older homeschoolers are missing the "teen culture". From what I've seen and heard about "teen culture", that could be a good thing.

 

It is upsetting that people accept the child that acts out, or disobeys, as normal, but the child that acts mature and obedient as troubled. My kids are well-adjusted, normal kids. They are doing fantastic academically, and have lots of activities and some friends. Should they be misbehaving for others to think that they are "normal"? (forgive me for the sarcasm- I am grumpy).

 

Well, at that point, I usually laugh, and say something like, "Well, thank you for your honesty... I appreciate that you are willing to tell me to my face that you think I'm socially inept... as I am a homeschool graduate from 1987."

 

That usually causes a bumbling blush, stammer, stutter, apology and "well, I didn't mean YOU." reaction. :D Yes, I do take it personally -- they are making a generalized statement directed at ME and my children. I don't hesitate to point it out. My son has run into this (other kids telling him he "will become" socially inept, and "will lack" leadership skills in the FUTURE, he doesn't lack these now, but he's somehow going to lose them :confused:). He is working on his Communications Merit Badge, and will be giving a presentation on the myths about Homeschooling. I just hope certain parents of certain children will be there for it!;)

[creekland]

No, I don't take it personally. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and choices. Some people are RUDE, but that happens across all circles and for all topics.

[Tammyla]

Well, at that point, I usually laugh, and say something like, "Well, thank you for your honesty... I appreciate that you are willing to tell me to my face that you think I'm socially inept... as I am a homeschool graduate from 1987." :hurray:

 

That usually causes a bumbling blush, stammer, stutter, apology and "well, I didn't mean YOU." reaction. :D Yes, I do take it personally -- they are making a generalized statement directed at ME and my children. I don't hesitate to point it out. My son has run into this (other kids telling him he "will become" socially inept, and "will lack" leadership skills in the FUTURE, he doesn't lack these now, but he's somehow going to lose them :confused:). He is working on his Communications Merit Badge, and will be giving a presentation on the myths about Homeschooling. I just hope certain parents of certain children will be there for it!;)

 

Congrats to your ds:party:

[mirth]

|

[fairfarmhand]

that is rude. Would this woman walk up to say Hispanic people or Indian people or Black people and make the same assumption about them? (i don't know maybe she would??) Please try to make yourself not care what other's assume wrongly about your choices. (hard I know!!!)

 

here's a response

"my kids may miss out on the teen culture, but I am glad of that since I don't find much in it that I approve of. But I do hope to raise them with good enough manners not to criticize other people unasked."

[Wheres Toto]

If it was a stranger who doesn't know us at all, I wouldn't be insulted at all. They are not basing their opinion on any actual evidence. Although my son is pretty quirky and socially awkward it has nothing to do with homeschooling - in fact it's a good part of the reason we are homeschooling. Most of the stranger comments are along the lines of "I could never homeschool". Which I think says more about them then me.

 

Unfortunately for us, most of the comments are made by family members. They still aren't basing it on actual evidence since my kids are so young and we've just started but I can't be as sarcastic as I would like. :glare: So far I've basically just answered their specific comments. Socialization - they are taking gymnastics weekly, do soccer/T-ball/whatever with the town rec league, we belong to a group that does park dates/parties/etc. Being able to teach them everything - I'm certified in Elementary Education. The fact that it doesn't do squat to help me homeschool doesn't mean anything to them. But it does shut them up - either our current teacher education programs are enough or they aren't, can't have it both ways.

[NanceXToo]

It does bother me some, especially when they're really nasty about it, and saying things that just aren't true... but I've NEVER had this come up in real life or things said to me personally, I'm just talking more along the lines of reading nasty things online.

[LibraryLover]

Nope. If someone were to say something terrible to me about something good I was doing, I would assume they were dealing with some sort of emotional issue. Why else would someone dog on another person for no reason. I tend to feel sorry for these kinds of folks.

[Gratia271]

Would "Did you hear that? It was the sound of my brain shutting down in the face of your incredible ignorance" be too b*tchy? ;)

 

I like that! Now to file it away for future reference.

[SailorMom]

I used to, but realized that the world is full of people with such low self confidence that they see any choice different from their own as threatening. Now I just feel sorry for them.

Also - most people are programmed to "fit in" at all costs. They actually have a physical reaction to doing anything that is seen as outside the norm. PS is considered "what we do" in Amercia, opting out for most was never even thought about.

These same people NEED to verbally justify (hear out loud) and defend their own choices. They usually don't even know that they are doing this. The esiest way is to use the criticisms they have heard from the TV, Media, whomever, and spout them off as if they "know" this themselves.

It can be entertaining - just don't take it personally.

[Aubrey]

Ooh, ooh--I know:

 

"Let me guess. You learned *your* social skills in public school?" :D

[Rivka]

I would be hurt, and I would run home to post on my blog about it. ;-)

 

I would go for the polite indirect smackdown: "Oh, what a kind thing to say. Thank you." That leaves them with no good avenue to respond (what are they going to do, clarify? "But I didn't mean to be kind at all!"), and hopefully their confusion would prompt some self reflection.

[SailorMom]

I would go for the polite indirect smackdown: "Oh, what a kind thing to say. Thank you." That leaves them with no good avenue to respond (what are they going to do, clarify? "But I didn't mean to be kind at all!"), and hopefully their confusion would prompt some self reflection.

 

I am SOOOOO going to use this next time :D

[Vanna]

Today, at one of the kid's activities, I told a woman that I was homeschooling, and all she could talk about was how socially inept homeschoolers were. I guess I should be used to criticism after 7 years of homeschooling, but it really caught me off-guard. Her point was that older homeschoolers are missing the "teen culture". From what I've seen and heard about "teen culture", that could be a good thing.

 

It is upsetting that people accept the child that acts out, or disobeys, as normal, but the child that acts mature and obedient as troubled. My kids are well-adjusted, normal kids. They are doing fantastic academically, and have lots of activities and some friends. Should they be misbehaving for others to think that they are "normal"? (forgive me for the sarcasm- I am grumpy).

Wow! I normally do not take personal offense at negative homeschooling comments, but that particular one was like a slap in the face. Stunned silence would probably be my reaction, but as someone already said, this woman's comments demonstrate how socially inept she is!

 

Besides, I've met socially inept people in every "camp" - public, private, and homeschool. People like to blame the child's educational experience on whether they are well socialized or not, but a lot also depends on the family experience and the child's personality, IMHO.

[Garga]

I would be hurt, and I would run home to post on my blog about it. ;-)

 

I would go for the polite indirect smackdown: "Oh, what a kind thing to say. Thank you." That leaves them with no good avenue to respond (what are they going to do, clarify? "But I didn't mean to be kind at all!"), and hopefully their confusion would prompt some self reflection.

 

I would feel somewhat hurt, too, and would run directly to the hive to lick my wounds.

 

I like your comeback. I'll have to try to remember it.

[Haiku]

Nope. Nor do I take it personally when people criticize adoption, veganism, my non-Christian religion, or any of the myriad other things we do that are outside the norm. :)

 

Tara

[LibraryLover]

Nope. Nor do I take it personally when people criticize adoption, veganism, my non-Christian religion, or any of the myriad other things we do that are outside the norm. :)

 

Tara

 

 

lol Yeah. Hear that.

 

Although, i don't get a lot of criticism. Maybe folks are just afraid of me. lol

[Sun]

I would be hurt, and I would run home to post on my blog about it. ;-)

 

I would go for the polite indirect smackdown: "Oh, what a kind thing to say. Thank you." That leaves them with no good avenue to respond (what are they going to do, clarify? "But I didn't mean to be kind at all!"), and hopefully their confusion would prompt some self reflection.

 

:iagree: I think of this as a version of the Miss Manners response to something rude: "How kind of you to mention it." I try to do something similar, but it can be difficult sometimes!

[Hannah C.]

When people talk about homeschooling around me, it's usually my peers (aka college students) and their comments are based either on what they've heard, or on personal experience with homeschoolers who really were socially inept and received very limited educations. In either case, I usually present myself as an example of successful homeschooling. :D I haven't had to deal with people doubting my choice for my children yet, as my first child has not yet been born, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it -- and I will probably use myself as an example of successful homeschooling there, too. :D

[WarriorMama]

I try not to take ignorance personally, although it's frequently appalling.

 

I don't know if I'm really scary in real life or if I just haven't been doing this long enough, but so far nobody has had the guts to say anything directly rude to my face. Not about homeschooling, or any of our other less-mainstream choices (homebirth comes to mind). I do get a LOT of questions, and you can tell sometimes that the questioner doesn't 'approve'...you can also tell that they have NO CLUE what they're talking about. I do my best to dispel some myths if caught in one of those conversations.

 

My husband does occasionally get some really rude and ignorant comments, mostly from coworkers, and he does take it personally.