Engaged on Christmas Eve = ripped off?

[Mejane]

.

 

Full disclosure: My wedding ring is sterling silver and was purchased from a local artist. It cost $15. I always told my dh that if he gave me an engagement ring, I wouldn't marry him (that was a joke, of course, but I don't have an engagement ring and didn't want one). I find the whole idea of expensive jewelry silly.

 

Tara

 

:iagree: Dh and I have plain gold bands from JCPenney. I couldn't abide the idea of wearing a car on my finger. I'm much too practical.

[The Girls' Mom]

Wait....she got a ring????

 

It's been 19 years, and I STILL haven't gotten a ring other than the Wal-mart bands we got married with....

 

Regardless of the birthday situation, I think a ring is enough. He could have used some tact perhaps...but still!

[T'smom]

Of course she's being immature and selfish.

 

But I have to say- I have a gorgeous wedding ring and I LOVE it. It's fairly expensive- though what is expensive to me may be cheap to others- but I get to look at it every day and am reminded of how much dh loves me.

 

I would be just as happy with a simple band- I certainly would have married dh with a $15 ring. I love him far more than I care about a ring, but I'm happy every time I see the light glinting off my diamond!

[unity]

OK, the additional info makes him look bad, too. Maybe she should chill out about the presents...I mean, how many wonderful things does she need, anyway? But if he knew her well enough to propose, maybe he should have known she'd take it personally and gotten her a dumb gift, too.

 

Yikes. Seems silly to get all bent out of shape over how many gifts. One step from counting dollar amounts of gifts bought. But even if he let it slip that he had originally been thinking New Years...it does make a nice Christmas/birthday gift!

Edited December 15, 2010 by unity

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Maybe in 16 pages someone else has said it but...

 

Unless he is Bill Gates maybe the ring was all he could afford that year. If she is being that silly after he has offered her himself, a life together and a ring she is being ungrateful.

 

2nd-maybe his joking is a way of covering for the fact he didn't/couldn't get another gift rather than just being a bit silly or jerkish.

 

3rd-if she just committed the rest of her life to him perhaps she should already know the answer to the question of whether or not he was trying to get out of giving gifts for a variety of holidays now and in the future.

 

Christmas, birthday and other holiday proposals can be just as romantic as any other and maybe even more special to some folk.

 

No matter what his intent or extra motives I think she is being a bit greedy in the gift department.

[edithcrawley]

OK so the consensus is in.

There is more to the story.

Would the consensus change if it was revealed that Christmas day is also her birthday? That the family usually spends morning to lunch as Christmas, then the rest of the day is celebrated as her birthday, complete with cake and presents after dinner? What if he was with her whole family all day and his was the only present missing at the birthday part? What if he was joking around about getting off easy buying presents? You know, they're all laughing about it and all, but she starts to wonder. What if he had let it slip that he was originally planning to propose on New Years, but changed his mind? Wouldn't someone wonder why he changed his mind?

 

 

Honestly I'd still see her as selfish. My birthday is Christmas Eve, and if my Fiance had proposed any time during those 2 days, I would have been really excited and would not have cared if he had not bought me gifts for either/both occasions.

 

So he didn't get her gifts...instead he gave her a ring and promised to be with her for their entire lives-I'd rather have that then something from a store.

 

People always joke about birthday gifts for people who were born near/on Christmas, always asking, if one gift can serve for both days, or they'll wonder if you get half as many gifts or something like that. I wouldn't have read anything into his comment about "getting off easy buying presents"

[SquirrellyMama]

Originally Posted by Meriwether

What if I said, "My husband lied (a very big lie) to me so that I would marry him."

 

 

Am I the only one curious about the details of this? :lol:

 

I am also curious but didn't want to be the first to bring it up :tongue_smilie:

[Elisabeth in IL]

My dh proposed on Christmas Eve, and my birthday is December 27th. The proposal and ring were my only gifts. Didn't bother me a bit....although I don't remember him joking about getting off easy.

[Meriwether]

I am also curious but didn't want to be the first to bring it up :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol:Okay, but it's nothing juicy or exciting. Most people might not even think it was a big deal, but it was to me.

 

Dh and I dated several years before we married, and we both said from the beginning that we wanted to live close to family. After we had been engaged for about a year, I found out that our definitions of "close to family" were different. I wanted to be close enough to go for dinner; he thought close meant within driving distance (4-12 hours). I felt very strongly that I wanted my kids to live near grandparents - either side - because I grew up 10 hours from one set and 24 from the other, and I didn't want that for my kids. I said I'd have to think about that and consider if I was willing to give up the lifestyle I had thought we were going to have. After a week or two, he said he wanted to work for his company until we had kids and then he would look for a job near family.

 

About a year after we were married, I mention something about it and our conversation went something like, "

 

DH: "I'm not getting a job in _________________."

 

Me: "But, you said you would when we have kids."

 

DH: "I lied. I thought you weren't going to marry me so I said what I had to say to get you to go through with the wedding."

 

I would have married him anyhow, but it would have been better for our relationship if I had CHOSEN this lifestyle. I'm a put down roots kind of girl and being transferred every few years is not what I had in mind. We are now almost 7 hours from my parents and Dh (of his own volition) has sent a resume for a job opening in my parent's hometown. We don't expect him to get it (BIL is applying for the same job, that is a whole 'nother story), but he did apply.

 

People can do and say dumb stuff and still be good people - and good spouses.

[MrsBasil]

The joking about saving on a gift sounds a lot like something my brother, my dad, or I would say. That's exactly our humor.

 

We also would have said it if we were feeling deeply emotional(as in extremely happy), but didn't want to show it too much or if someone else was getting a bit mushy gushy or emotional just to deflect that from continuing.

 

Talking about feelings or showing too deep of feelings is really something we're only comfortable showing to our spouse when alone. It happens at other times, but we tend to joke or change the subject so we don't get caught up.

 

Maybe the husband has a similar sense of humor and/or discomfort sharing too much emotional stuff with lots of people?

[Parrothead]

In that case, my feelings would have been hurt and wouldn't have recovered by the time he proposed. I would definitely think he was being a cheapskate and wonder what was so wrong with me that the guy would rejoice about getting to save $15 a year by being able to combine gifts and only get me one box of chokkies a year instead of two.

 

I think the chap in the OP behaved badly. He might not have meant it that way, but it is still bad behavior, imo. If he wasn't going to include the ring with the rest of her birthday gifts, he should have tossed in a nice box of chokkies or something. Withholding like that is playing mind games in my opinion. If you need to be an ass to make your proposal look better, you should have thought up a better plan for proposing. I don't know the woman in the OP, but if it were me in her shoes, it wouldn't be the $ value of the gifts I'd be feeling cheated over, (look at my life, lol, I'm no gold digger) it'd be the chivalry value and his chivalry value here was woeful.

 

Rosie

As always you said it better than I did.

[Soror]

I think the information about the birthday makes her even more selfish, tbh. An adult woman does need an entire day devoted to her, or half a day even, for her birthday.

[Abigail4476]

In that case, my feelings would have been hurt and wouldn't have recovered by the time he proposed. I would definitely think he was being a cheapskate and wonder what was so wrong with me that the guy would rejoice about getting to save $15 a year by being able to combine gifts and only get me one box of chokkies a year instead of two.

 

I think the chap in the OP behaved badly. He might not have meant it that way, but it is still bad behavior, imo. If he wasn't going to include the ring with the rest of her birthday gifts, he should have tossed in a nice box of chokkies or something. Withholding like that is playing mind games in my opinion. If you need to be an ass to make your proposal look better, you should have thought up a better plan for proposing. I don't know the woman in the OP, but if it were me in her shoes, it wouldn't be the $ value of the gifts I'd be feeling cheated over, (look at my life, lol, I'm no gold digger) it'd be the chivalry value and his chivalry value here was woeful.

 

Rosie

 

Well, see, when you talk about chivalry, I kind of get it. The chivalrous thing would have been to have two little gifts, one for birthday, one for Christmas, and then the ring. They wouldn't have to be elaborate; just an acknowledgment. However, I'd chalk that up to a rookie play; not necessarily even being a cheapskate, and definitely nothing truly malicious. I still think the ladylike thing to do is to graciously accept the ring, and let that be enough to celebrate.

 

Beyond the the initial proposal, I would be interested to know whether or not the husband gets her two gifts every year at Christmas/birthday. :D

[Rosie_0801]

Well, see, when you talk about chivalry, I kind of get it. The chivalrous thing would have been to have two little gifts, one for birthday, one for Christmas, and then the ring. They wouldn't have to be elaborate; just an acknowledgment.

 

I don't even think this much would be necessary. If the ring had been presented along with the other birthday gifts, or before, no other gift would have been necessary even for those for whom gifts are their love language, I wouldn't think.

 

 

I still think the ladylike thing to do is to graciously accept the ring, and let that be enough to celebrate.

 

I can act in a lady-like way when I feel like someone has stuck a stiletto into my heart, but I can still feel the stiletto. And I would still feel the stiletto every time I thought about the event forever. A guy proposing should be acting in a way to inspire something a bit better than politeness, kwim? If you want your girlfriend to beam all over her face, think you're the best guy in the whole, wide world and boast as much to her friends, children and grandchildren, and have her children relate the story to your great-grandchildren (and what guy isn't going to get kicks out of that?) then you put on a good show. It's poor form to put on a show like that in front of a girl's relatives where she has to put on her polite face in order not to shame you.

 

Clearly the rest of you feel differently, but if my hubby type guy had done this to me, my "inner lady" would have wanted to smile politely and assure him I'd accept next time when he'd had the opportunity to upgrade to a story he'd be proud to have me tell, because "he bought me a nice ring, but was kind of mean to me about it" isn't the story he wants to become part of our family lore. Now I would never do that in front of anyone else, the polite face would stay intact, but I surely would on the way home. Knowing my guy as I do, we'd have a hell of an argument because he'd be ferocious, but he'd get over it and he'd follow 95% of the instructions I'd provide on how best to, uh, "suck up" is the term, I think, to get back into my good books. (To omit instructions would be playing games and messing with his head.) The other 5% would be ignored because a guy has to do something to regain his pride. He would propose again and it would not be anything close to perfect (whatever that might be) but it would something he'd be proud of and I'd be proud to accept.

 

Nobody deserves perfection, but no one deserves a fry-up of a proposal either. If a woman told her boyfriend he ought to get a better job then proposed to him, would anyone think he ought to graciously accept and feel grateful?

 

Even reserved people who prefer small and quiet (and I happen to fit into this category) deserve good quality small and quiet, not, I dunno, "wanna marry me?" and drunken burp in the face. Even those who think "wanna marry me?" is perfectly ok, (I fit into this category, but it's not the story dh would want me to have to tell when he had occasion to think about it) wouldn't appreciate the burp in the face! Or is there someone out there who doesn't think a drunken burp in the face would kinda spoil the moment?

 

For the record, if dh had decided to marry me, he wouldn't have burped in my face. Just so you know, ok :tongue_smilie:

 

Rosie- happily unmarried ;)

[MelanieM]

It doesn't sound to me like it's about the ring. It sounds like she doubts whether or not he had ulterior motives for when he gave it to her, based on his comments and actions, which makes her question his integrity. And I would bet there are other things happening that would make her look back on that situation in such a way... maybe he's someone who does weird gift things or tries to get by on the cheap all the time and she's remembering this situation as a 'warning sign' that she missed. Who knows. Either way, something here bothered her and everyone has a right to their feelings, whatever they're rooted in.

 

That said, I don't have an engagement ring and would have probably given my husband an ear full had he spent money on such a thing. Jewellery is simply not my thing. Actually, expensive gifts aren't really my thing... unless they involve plane tickets to exotic locations. ;)

[mommyofthree]

Yikes! This is so sad. If this is the sort of thing that causes her to lose respect for her future husband, life is going to be difficult for both of them.

[Night Elf]

Engagement rings aren't cheap. I'm sad for your friend that she'll always have that hanging over her head. I think it's rather romantic. I've been married twice. The first proposal happened in the concession line at a movie theater because we were just talking about it and we bought the ring a few months later. The second proposal came during dinner at an italian resturant but with no ring. He wanted me to go with him to pick it out. I'd take the ring and surprise proposal any day. Tell your friend it could be worse. But based on her feelings, I'd suggest she make sure her wedding day is no where near any type of gift-giving holiday.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Since we got engaged as the culmination of a huge rip-roaring fight, we don't have a sweet romantic story but we do have a funny one (well, it was after we had actually gotten married. . .) I married my dh because he had a character that was/is noble and we share goals, and complement each other in a unique way. The engagement moment was not the totality of his character for all time. Neither was his poverty which led to no engagement ring. I was betrothed to him in spirit and did not need a ring to symbolize that or to warn guys off. In fact, due to medical reasons neither of us even wear our wedding rings, although we do have them! As it happens, my dh is not a terribly romantic person. But he does love me and is true to me in many ways. He still completes me and helps me to be a better person. He is a gift giving person though, while I struggle in that realm.

[Liz CA]

Perhaps...she was sorta joking...?

[ereks mom]

:iagree: with Bill.

 

How is a ring not better? I think it's sad that she reflects on that day as materialistically lacking.

 

:iagree:

[DarlaS]

OK so the consensus is in.

There is more to the story.

Would the consensus change if it was revealed that Christmas day is also her birthday? That the family usually spends morning to lunch as Christmas, then the rest of the day is celebrated as her birthday, complete with cake and presents after dinner? What if he was with her whole family all day and his was the only present missing at the birthday part? What if he was joking around about getting off easy buying presents? You know, they're all laughing about it and all, but she starts to wonder. What if he had let it slip that he was originally planning to propose on New Years, but changed his mind? Wouldn't someone wonder why he changed his mind?

 

I think this sounds like a guy who does not know when to keep his mouth shut. :glare:

[mamato3 all-boy boys]

I don't feel ripped off. DH proposed on Christmas morning. Slipped the ring in a box with his old cycling shoes then wrapped it all up. Was one of the best days of my life. Seems like this other person is more concerned abou the *stuff* of gifting than the meaning and sentiment itself.

[nrg]

My husband proposed on Christmas eve 28 years ago. He took me to temple square in Salt lake City to see the lights. It was joyous, wonderful, romantic. Sigh.

 

I never thought about the gift part.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I got engaged on Christmas eve too. And I *did* get more than the just the ring, because he planned this whole '12 days of Christmas' thing and the ring was day 12. I honestly don't recall if I had anything else from him to open the next day (I probably he did, he likes to give gifts). I just remember getting the ring!

 

That being said, my birthday falls close to Valentine's day, and an ex-boyfriend, with whom I had a Feb anniversary, used to give me one gift and say 'happy birthday/anniversary/Valentine's day'. It was frustrating, because I certainly didn't say to him in June, "Hey you got you gift back in February" ( I guess I COULD have, but I didn't). So when DH and I decided to get married in February, I did specify that my birthday, Valentine's day, and our anniversary were THREE separate occasions :D

[Jenn in Mo]

I agree, it sounds like a romantic and sweet gift, but it makes you wonder....what if she said no? Would she get to keep the gift?

 

For any guy considering doing this in the future, I'd say a Snuggie wouldn't be a bad idea to have under the tree....just in case she says no. ;)

[MrsBasil]

 

For any guy considering doing this in the future, I'd say a Snuggie wouldn't be a bad idea to have under the tree....just in case she says no. ;)

 

Or even if she says yes. Who else would have an engagement Snuggie? :D

 

I was proposed to before I had graduated high school with a $100 ring from Target and a romantic of dinner of cheap take out Chinese eaten in his incredibly tiny basement apartment.

 

12 years later I still think I got the best gift ever.

[Ibbygirl]

Since we got engaged as the culmination of a huge rip-roaring fight, we don't have a sweet romantic story but we do have a funny one (well, it was after we had actually gotten married. . .) I married my dh because he had a character that was/is noble and we share goals, and complement each other in a unique way. The engagement moment was not the totality of his character for all time. Neither was his poverty which led to no engagement ring. I was betrothed to him in spirit and did not need a ring to symbolize that or to warn guys off. In fact, due to medical reasons neither of us even wear our wedding rings, although we do have them! As it happens, my dh is not a terribly romantic person. But he does love me and is true to me in many ways. He still completes me and helps me to be a better person. He is a gift giving person though, while I struggle in that realm.

 

Or even if she says yes. Who else would have an engagement Snuggie? :D

 

I was proposed to before I had graduated high school with a $100 ring from Target and a romantic of dinner of cheap take out Chinese eaten in his incredibly tiny basement apartment.

 

12 years later I still think I got the best gift ever.

 

 

Sigh. Amor! These are such sweet stories. I married Lurch from the Adam's Family. :tongue_smilie: But he's my Lurch. hehe :001_smile:

[swimmermom3]

The poor guy. She sounds like a real winner (not).

 

Bill (who proposed on Christmas himself :D)

 

What better gift could there be from the guy you love, than a proposal on Christmas Eve?

 

~Lisa (who is genuinely puzzled as she enthusiastically said "yes" to the first man that did so:D)

 

Spy Car - Great Bills think alike!;)

[Garga]

I still agree with Rosie. It wasn't about the GIFT. It wasn't about the RING. It wasn't about the MONEY.

 

It was the THOUGHT. Or the thoughtLESSness.

 

He could have been joking to diffuse the emotions of the moment (as a lot of people do. Especially if it was a roomful of emotional onlookers.) But it still hurt her heart.

 

He let it be known that he was happy that he didn't have to get her a present for Christmas or her Birthday.

 

There are a lot of people who don't care about presents, but there are also a lot of people who do. And it doesn't have to be your love language. It's just the norm to get your beloved a present on Christmas and their birthday. It's also the norm to offer a ring of engagement when you propose marriage.

 

He originally was going to propose on New Year's day, but then had the bright idea, "If I propose on Christmas, which is also her birthday, then I only need to get one thing!" It was so calculating.

 

 

I like getting presents, but I don't care about the cost. He could have gotten her a $6.99 paperback for Christmas, a $8.99 pair of earrings for her Birthday and then the ring for her engagement.

 

Seriously, it wasn't the MONEY. It wasn't the GIFTS. It was the THOUGHT that he purposely avoided spending the extra $16 on presents that year.

 

 

Maybe this is because I've had this happen. I enjoy getting presents (not a love language, I just enjoy them). One year on Mother's Day, we didn't have money and DH said, "What should I get you for Mother's Day?" I said, "Oh, we don't have money for gifts. Just get me a box of Milk Duds."

 

I knew the Milk Duds would be my present and I was looking forward to them. I like to celebrate events, even if it's just a box of Milk Duds. DH knows that. Mother's Day dawned....no Milk Duds. Yes, my feelings were hurt. I felt like, "Geez. I asked for a stinkin' box of Milk Duds, and he couldn't even bother to get to the store to get them for me?" It wasn't the money at that point. It was the fact that dh didn't bother to get to the dollar store for the Milk Duds. (And I've learned since then that if I want a present, to be very clear about it so that there is NO confusion.)

 

 

I don't think that the man or woman in this story are horrible people. I don't think he was mean on purpose. I don't think she's a selfish brat who wanted boatloads of presents.

[Abigail4476]

Well, I asked my husband what he thought about it, and he said, "She must have not been all that excited about the proposal, or she probably wouldn't have noticed, but HE should be ashamed of himself."

 

Me: "Ashamed of himself? Why?"

 

Him: "Because if they're not even married yet, and he's already not buying Christmas and birthday gifts, what is he going to do after they're married?"

 

Okay, then. :lol:

[LisaKinVA]

Okay, I waded through all of the posts. At first, I was with the consensus...your friend was a pill, and the poor guy, but after the additional information, I changed my mind.

 

My B-day is Dec. 30th. It is *always* forgotten, last minute, rushed... I'm not someone who needs expensive presents, but I do like to be remembered. I always got the combined Christmas/Birthday gifts, get socks instead of an outfit, $10 instead of $20, and yes, I did feel cheated. How many times did I hear the, "too busy, and just forgot your birthday?" UGH. The fact that her family made this day extra special is astounding to me. Makes me a little jealous... I'm going to have to make more certain to make my Jan 21/28 daughters' birthdays a bit more special!

 

If it had been me... if my dh had said something like that, I would have been hurt. Not because he didn't give me a present, but because I would have felt like the proposal was an escape. He was going to propose on New Years, but then didn't want to get me another present, so decided to propose instead? Talk about a blow to my day! I would have wondered, and if there had been other things about his character that I felt oddly about, I could easily see breaking off the engagement (last straw kind of thing).

 

Now, my dh was just so happy to hear that I don't care about getting jewelry, or need fancy gifts (I requested a nice rolling pin for the first birthday we celebrated as a married couple... my MIL was horrified). To me, it isn't about the gift, it's about the thought. I still get really happy if DH brings me a bag of Red Vines (he knows it's my favorite), or flowers for Mother's Day. Or just treats me to a quiet day (I relish quiet time)

 

So, in sum, no... I don't think your friend was being materialistic about the ring... it wasn't about the ring. It was about the comment, and making her feel...less important. It cheapened the proposal, and made it feel less meaningful, less purposeful. The guy was a dufus for saying anything...

 

Anyhow... put me in the "she's entitled to be a bit hurt."

[SquirrellyMama]

I knew the Milk Duds would be my present and I was looking forward to them. I like to celebrate events, even if it's just a box of Milk Duds. DH knows that. Mother's Day dawned....no Milk Duds. Yes, my feelings were hurt. I felt like, "Geez. I asked for a stinkin' box of Milk Duds, and he couldn't even bother to get to the store to get them for me?" It wasn't the money at that point. It was the fact that dh didn't bother to get to the dollar store for the Milk Duds. (And I've learned since then that if I want a present, to be very clear about it so that there is NO confusion.)

 

I can relate to this. My dh used to come home with a box of Dots for me and I would be so excited. Sounds odd but it was the fact that he knew I really liked Dots and thought about me.

 

I remember telling a boyfriend once that I was really hungry for a particular fast food restaurant one day. The next day he brought it to me for lunch. I told my friends how excited I was and they thought I was loopy. I kept telling them it was the fact that he heard what I said, processed it and then followed through.

 

I think I would have been hurt if I were the woman also. I'm not sure I would have lost respect for him unless it became a habit.

 

Kelly

[RegularMom]

Well, those details do make me think harder about this, but it still doesn't change my opinion about her behavior being rude and a bit petty. However, he clearly has some things to learn about gift-giving, too. There are ways to give and ways to receive gifts. Both of them need a little coaching, I'd say.

 

Now, my birthday is on Dec. 31, and I know how hard it is to have a birthday constantly forgotton in the holiday rush. When I was 9 it was a tragedy; when I was 22, I was able to laugh about it yet still surround myself with people who always remembered my birthday. I'll be 42 in a few weeks... and now I'm all: forget it, forget it already! ;)

 

My dh struggled as a gift-giver when he was a young man. I had to sit him down once, after a big argument, and explain to him that he was supposed to give me flowers. For no reason at all. And for Easter. Don't ask questions... just make with the flowers.

 

He learned.

 

When we got engaged, he got the ring in November, and for all I know he wanted to wait until Christmas Eve and come up with some really big elaborate romantic plan. But it turns out that he couldn't hang on to the darn ring once he'd bought it. He was so intent on proposing that he couldn't even wait for a day that wasn't 20 degrees outside. He kept trying all morning to get me to go out for a walk in the subzero weather. And I was all: "Dude... no way... it's FREEZING out there." I hadn't even showered or gotten dressed all morning, and there he was with this ring burning a hole in his pocket.

 

So finally, he just took the box out and proposed right there. And there I was: all messy haired and in PJ's, holding my 3rd cup of coffee feeling sad and silly that I'd messed up his attempt at a somewhat romantic proposal.... It was hilarious.

 

But there you have it. We're happy together today and sometimes he brings me flowers for no reason, and sometimes when he says: hey, wanna go for a walk? out of the blue, I say 'sure'.

 

Because you never know. :)

 

Either those two people shouldn't be together at all, or they were completely made for each other, is what I think now.

[specialmama]

Those that think the guy was a dufus for saying anything: I agree!

 

I was chatting with another friend about this and she could totally relate. Her dh got her a very cheap ring with a puny diamond in it. It bothered her for a long time after she found out how much he paid and how little he researched. He was NOT hurting for money. He spends thousands of dollars every winter for his favourite sport: skiing. He spends dozens of hours researching ski gear. But when it came to buying her ring, he walked into the first store, no research, told them his budget and went with what they picked, in and out in 10 minutes. They are madly in love and have a very strong marriage, but she was very hurt for a while. It wasn't that she wanted a big, flashy ring, nor was she against a big, flash ring; but it bothered her that he didn't put forth much effort.

 

By the way, I still have my original engagement ring from dh. It's a green twist-tie. :D The real ring came later, hidden in a SEALED Haagen Tazs tub of ice-cream. Yup. It was sealed. :tongue_smilie:

[mazakaal]

Wow, I think that she sounds incredibly shallow. I can't believe that she would be 'counting gifts' like that. That poor guy.

[tex-mex]

Maybe he got her a nicer ring than he could have afforded if he'd had to get her a tennis bracelet too. Does she want a really nice engagement ring or a measly ring as well as a pair of earrings? Poor guy...she sounds high maintenance.

:iagree: The ring alone could cost anywhere from $1500 to $10K depending on what he does for a living. She seems like a piece of work. Does the young man know what he is getting into? Yikes.

 

ETA: Okay -- so he goofed up on not getting her a bday gift and panicked. Cut him some slack. I still think she is being petty for thinking she deserves a bday gift ALONG with an engagement ring. For crying out loud. She sounds like the type who counts "brownie points" in the marriage. Wow.

Edited December 17, 2010 by tex-mex

[Jean in Wisc]

I've been reading The 5 Languages of Love. The author tells how each person he's worked with seems to feel loved by different things: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Some folks, according to him, feel loved best when they receive gifts--and they don't have to be big ones, just something that shows they are loved.

 

If this woman is normally considered kind and good, I would have to ask if her husband has not figured out that gift giving is something that makes her feel loved. Perhaps that ring was the last thing her husband has gotten her, and her love tank is on empty, causing her to ask questions like this. Could that be the case?

 

Just one idea...

Jean

[Dmmetler]

DH proposed on Christmas eve-and then we went back to his family's house-where apparently THEY all knew it was coming ;)

 

I have to say I didn't expect any other gift-heaven knows that cute little engagement ring was enough of an expense for a poor college student!

[Impish]

My first thought on that is that it's really petty and materialistic. I sincerely hope that my daughter doesn't grow up to think like that.

:iagree:

Wolf proposed twice. The 'accidental' proposal was far nicer phrased and sweet than the 'actual'.

 

I had an engagement ring...a fake one. He bought it at the flea market, b/c we were super broke, but he couldn't handle NOT having some sort of ring. And then mumbled and talked to himself...:lol:

 

The pieces are in his jewelery box. I wore it til it fell apart. He's under orders to have it made 'real' one day ;)

 

and to get me an engagement ring for our 10th wedding anniversary. ;) April will be #8.

[sarawatsonim]

My husband is a goldsmith so I did get a very beautiful ring for my engagement. He avoided proposing on any holiday that people tend to propose on because he wanted it to be totally unexpected. Which it was. But I can maybe see where she was coming from with the gift thought. Kind of. I'm not a materialistic person but dh broke my ipod a couple of years ago. I told him he owed me a new one since he broke it because he is careless with stuff and I warned him if he broke it he was going to get me a new one. It happened to fall around Christmas time and he ended up getting me an ipod for Christmas. It irked me because he owed me one anyway and used Christmas as an excuse to cover the present aspect. I'm just saying that, that same thought may have crossed the guys mind when he proposed for Christmas.

[Garga]

I told my dh the OP's scenario, trying to be as clinical in my description of the events as possible. I said this to him:

 

"The man proposed on Christmas, which was also the woman's birthday. She was happy and excited at the proposal, and immediately said, "YES!"

 

Later in the day, he made the comment that he had originally planned to propose on New Year's Day, but changed it to Christmas and got out of buying her other presents."

 

I got that far when DH said, "Oooo! He didn't say that Out Loud, did he? Big mistake!"

 

DH said that it was ok for the man to think that way, but his mistake was in letting it be known.

 

I said, "The woman said she lost respect for the man, and many posters have said that she was being too materialistic. Was she?"

 

Dh said, "No. She didn't make it about the money. The MAN made it all about the money. He should have kept his mouth shut!"