Length of time dating before marriage?

[MeaganS]

We met when we were 15/16, but lived in different states. We really dated for 4 months before we were engaged, and another 4 months before we were married. I was 20, he was 21. We're still happily married 4 years later.

 

I am of the opinion that it's not a time issue. It really depends on the people involved.

[BarbecueMom]

We started dating in high school, after making out on the bus returning home from state band auditions. DH was a 14-year-old freshman, and I was a 16-year-old junior. Engaged at 18 and 20, married at 20 and 22. We've been married for five years. It's security and bliss, contentment and excitement all wrapped up into one. :001_wub:

 

Our boys are toddlers right now, and I honestly don't know what I'll encourage or discourage. I think it will depend on the maturity of the child.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Dated 3 months married at the 4 month mark. I wouldn't recommend it to my kids but we've been married 24 years.

[Daisy]

We were friends for two years, dated for 9 months, engaged for 7 months.

 

So what is that? About 3.5 years from meeting to marriage.

 

We've been happily married for 15.5 years.

[Violet Crown]

We met in 6th grade (he didn't actually talk to girls much back then), started hanging out in the same group of friends in high school, kept in touch for five years of college (though I dated other guys; little did I know he was holding a torch for me!), and found ourselves at grad schools fifty miles apart, homesick and oh so glad for each other's companionship. It was inconvenient only seeing each other on weekends and driving so far all the time, so we got married.

 

So ... knew each other for twelve years; were friends for nine years; dated not at all.

[teacalm]

Dated for about a year and a half, but six months into dating, husband already wanted to get married. He is so kind, very kind, that I allowed myself to be convinced that yes, getting married, is the next step. I went to being with my family, and being married next to dh. Living together was not a possibility, so the only way for us to be legitimately be together is to get hitched. We eloped as his family was so against me. I absolutely did not know how to do anything: laundry, cooking, how to get around and etc. Everyone we know predicted that we will be divorced in a year's time. That really hurts. Married for over 22 years now, and still thankful, that I found someone who puts up with me, faults and everything. And my fear that after marriage he'll show his worst side, it's unfounded. He still as kind as he was when we first met. I don't deserve him, but he's a gift to me. He is my first.

[Lorien]

We knew about each other for a year before we were introduced. Three months later dh asked me if I wanted to write (we had a long distance relationship) and then he proposed the following Sunday. We were married 4 months and 3 weeks later. Our 10th anniversary is coming up early next year.

[sheryl]

We met the end of our freshman year in college. Married as I graduated from college 4 years later (I changed my major causing me to defer graduation by 1 year).

 

And, we just celebrated our 30th anniversary 2 weeks ago today!

[Night Elf]

I love these threads :)

 

Me too! There are so many 'aww.. how sweet' stories! :)

[lionfamily1999]

Me too! There are so many 'aww.. how sweet' stories! :)

Yes! That and I think, I MUST remember this. Just in case dd comes to me, like I did to my mother, at 18 and says she's getting married.

[dangermom]

We dated for 4 months before getting engaged, which was about 2 months shorter than I had planned. It took him about 3 weeks to make up his mind, but he had to wait for me to catch up. :001_smile: We were engaged for 6 months and got married a little less than a year after meeting.

 

I'm not convinced that length of courtship has a ton to do with happiness in marriage. As far as I can tell it's practically random.

[Garga]

I met him in September. We were engaged on the evening of March 30th. The next day was April Fool's Day, so we waited to tell people until April 2nd, so they wouldn't think it was a joke.

 

We were married on June 20th. I was 19, he was 24. We'd known each other 9 months.

 

It's been 18 years and still going strong!

[Laura Corin]

We dated for about three years before we got engaged, then got married a year later.

 

Laura

[WiseOwlKnits]

DH proposed 3 months to the day after we met. We were engaged for 14 months.

 

I'd like for my kids to wait till they're out of college. Not that it will be my choice. :)

[Lisa in Jax]

We dated for about five months before getting engaged, then got married 13 months after our engagement. We'll celebrate our 20th anniversary next May. :)

 

Lisa

[TravelingChris]

WE were together almost three years before we married. We were originally planning to marry after he graduated from college but since my mother had a terminal illness, we sped up the ceremony. WE got married a few weeks before he started senior year (I was already graduated).

[elegantlion]

We dated about three weeks before we started talking marriage. Three months to formal engagement, then 18 more months before marriage, we lived together for a year before we set the date. Small wedding, very nice. We just celebrated 18 years of marriage. It was my 2nd marriage, his 2nd long term relationship, we both kind of knew what we wanted and didn't want in a mate.

 

For my son? IDK, I was thinking about the other day. Personally I'd very enjoy if he actually did marry the dd of a one of my friends, that would fit into OUR plan.

 

I hope he gets to experience a friendship with a girl before they move into a relationship.

[Veritaserum]

We dated for six months before getting engaged. We were engaged for 3.5 months. We've been married for almost 12 years. Dh and I were friends for 8 months before we started dating, we had known each other for about 14 months before we got engaged.

 

I would want my dds to date a prospective spouse for six months or so if they were already friends, longer if they just met.

 

Things can go more quickly/slowly if things are right, but I would be panicked if one of them did what my sister did. She got engaged after knowing the guy for two weeks! They got married four months later and have been married for 13 years.

[KrissiK]

We dated 14 months and were engaged 4 months. I "knew" after a couple of months of dating, but DH is a slow mover.

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

We "courted" 3 months and were engaged 3 months before marriage. Dh was the speeding bullet. I would have liked things a bit slower, but I knew he was the one and just went with his flow. It just felt like we always were. The comfortableness and openness I felt with him was other worldly. He is, without a doubt, my "soul mate"!

Edited November 8, 2010 by mommyjen

[Cricket]

When we met, I was 24 and dh was 36. He asked me to marry him about 1 1/2 weeks after we met. It took me a few days to agree. We were married 5 months after meeting and just celebrated our 15 year anniversary in October. It was fairly whirlwind but we discussed pretty much everything--including that we would homeschool any kids we had. He had dated around and knew what he was looking for. I had never had a boyfriend. We were both in a position to be married and wanted to be married and definitely clicked romantically. Somehow it worked!

[Jennifer in MI]

w

1 if you have picked your guy, then what is there to wait for?

2 get married quick because then you won't be led to temptation.

 

 

My dh kept saying this when we were trying to plan our wedding date. We'd only been "dating" technically for six weeks (but we were separated by distance). He didn't see any reason to put it off! We would've been led into temptation. Thankfully, distance was a blessing. He was working in Philadelphia and I was working in Boston. We made it until our wedding, but, boy it was a hard time!!!

 

Yes! That and I think, I MUST remember this. Just in case dd comes to me, like I did to my mother, at 18 and says she's getting married.

 

I KNOW!!!!! I told my mom that I knew who I was going to marry in October. I had met my dh at the end of August (I think our story is on page 2!). My mom was SO cool about it!!! I want to be that mom!!!

[justamouse]

three months before we got engaged, another 5 before we tied the knot

[catz]

How long did you date before you got engaged?

How long would you like to see your child date before they become engaged? Not that I can do anything. I wouldn't have listened to anyone when I married my first husband. I felt so in love that the world revolved around us. It just seemed so great a relationship. If I knew then, what I know now... :tongue_smilie:

 

I dated my husband for a year before we got engaged and we were engaged for 11 months. So almost 2 years end to end. I felt like I would marry him shortly after we started dating, but I don't regret "waiting" and could have gone even longer. We were having so much fun at that time. I was 29 and he was 37.

 

Honestly, I would like my kids to at least have an undergraduate degree and preferably be over 25 when they decide to settle down. As for length of dating, it really depends on their age at the time. If they were above 25 and were done schooling, I'd say it's up to them. If they were younger, I would hope they'd date for an extended period of time. But who knows. My kids are still young.

[prairie rose]

We knew each other for 3 years before we got married and dated for 2 of them. He asked me to marry him after about 6 months of dating. We've been married for 12.5 years, through thick and thin, good and bad, for better or for worse.

 

For my kids, I'd like to see them be friends with and/or date their potential spouse for at least a year or two. I'd also like to see them wait until their early to mid-twenties before getting married. I realize that's not for me to decide but that is my wish for them. ;)

[Embassy]

Engaged 5 weeks after meeting. Married 7 months after meeting.

 

I don't think time is all that important although the speed of it all through some family members into a tizzy. More importantly is the depth. What is greater - spending every spare moment together for 3 months or dates a couple times a week for 3 years?

[Joker]

My dh and I dated four months before we got married. We've been married 12 years now.

 

My FIL asked what took us so long.:001_huh: I found out FIL asked MIL to marry him on their first date. They were married a few months later and will celebrate 50 years next year.:)

[PinkInTheBlue]

Well, as someone who was ridiculous enough to have the experience of getting married WAY too early, I will be very, very, very discouraging and disappointed if my boys get married any time too near or before 25. I can't even put into words how disappointed I would be if they chose to get married early.

 

However, length of engagement; each relationship is different. Sometimes you know right away that he/she is the one and it doesn't work out. Sometimes you take your time to get to know each other over years and it doesn't work out. Sometimes it's the opposites than that.

 

I just hope they are happy and mature. :)

[Oops, duplicate account :/]

My dh and I dated four months before we got married. We've been married 12 years now.

 

My FIL asked what took us so long.:001_huh: I found out FIL asked MIL to marry him on their first date. They were married a few months later and will celebrate 50 years next year.:)

 

Very similar to us except that my FIL had passed before "us". The more I hear about FIL, the more I realize how much dh is like him!

[Gratia271]

How long did you date before you got engaged?

We met in high school and married when I was half way through law school, so I guess that is about 8 years.

 

How long would you like to see your child date before they become engaged?

It depends on the situation, as there are many variables. Drawing on my own experience and just being completely honest, I would never have married him until he was financially secure. While I knew he was the one at a young age, I also knew I wanted a law degree. I wasn't willing to compromise that, and he didn't want me to. He was willing to wait, and it worked for us because we shared the same vision for our life together.

 

With regard to my children, I want them to pursue their goals and objectives foremost. Sacrificing dreams for romantic notions is not something that I would likely encourage inasmuch as I don't believe it works out in most cases (JMO). I guess I don't really have a set amount of time in mind so much as a set of events that they will hopefully prioritize before they choose a life partner.

[PinkInTheBlue]

How long did you date before you got engaged?

Well, we met and dated while in high school in 1988. He moved away and we remained friends through my family for 10 years. He came through town and visited my family. He found out I was recently divorced and they helped us 'just happen to meet up'. :) We were married 6 months later. He had always been the High School Sweetheart/First Love. :)

 

How long would you like to see your child date before they become engaged?

As long as they are old enough, that's up to them. I don't think length of dating can be a guarantee of anything. :) I'm like Charlotte Lucas, I think. ;)

[mytwomonkeys]

My dh kept saying this when we were trying to plan our wedding date. We'd only been "dating" technically for six weeks (but we were separated by distance). He didn't see any reason to put it off! We would've been led into temptation. Thankfully, distance was a blessing. He was working in Philadelphia and I was working in Boston. We made it until our wedding, but, boy it was a hard time!!!

 

 

same here! my husband was in nashville. i was in atlanta. we were separated for the entire time, except on weekends (which was to our benefit for sure!!)....it was the longest 10 months of my life & we rocked it out on our wedding night! :D (can i type that??? lol)

[Jennifer in MI]

same here! my husband was in nashville. i was in atlanta. we were separated for the entire time, except on weekends (which was to our benefit for sure!!)....it was the longest 10 months of my life & we rocked it out on our wedding night! :D (can i type that??? lol)

 

LOL!!! Yes you can!!! And, I gotta' say, I agree!!!!! Dh's and my engagement was only 8 months though. That time was SO hard! And, that was at a time when long distance calls were billed per minute and we didn't have internet in our apartments. And, we were cheap! So, we wrote LOTS of letters and talked a little. I still have those letters. And, yes. The weekends were wonderful!!!

[prairiegirl]

We were engaged 3 months after we met and we were married exactly a year after our engagement. We were really old when we were married (I was 35 and he was 33.) I don't know what I would want for my kids. It would depend on lots of different factors: how old they were, what their intended was like, etc.

[Danestress]

We were pretty much friends until DH told me he loved me as he was moving away.

 

We got engaged and had a year long, long distance engagement. Crazy. Everyone said I hardly knew him, but I haven't learned anything that would stop me from doing the same thing again.

[Hannah C.]

Dh and I dated for two years, were engaged for eight months, and have been married for ten months. So 2 years 8 months total before marriage. If we had met later on in life, when we were older and had jobs and stuff, we would have married sooner - he knew he wanted to marry me and started talking rings four months after we started dating and four months before he turned 18! He turned 20 right after our wedding, and I turned 21 four months later.

 

So, we're fairly poor, and I have better job prospects than he does because I have more education. But we are doing fine...and I much, much prefer being married to not being married. It is hard, but I'm glad every day that we did it. :)

[lionfamily1999]

I KNOW!!!!! I told my mom that I knew who I was going to marry in October. I had met my dh at the end of August (I think our story is on page 2!). My mom was SO cool about it!!! I want to be that mom!!!

We were on our second date and I told dh he was all there was for me. I could not believe that those words had come out of my mouth and I really thought I'd never see him again, but he agreed (he let me worry for two days before telling me that) :p

 

He asked my dad :blush: which made my dad feel great. Mom took it alright, she likes to be against whatever the majority of people are for... so she was in the middle with me getting married (Dad loved the idea, but my sister was screaming NONONONONO, it put Mom in the terrible situation of not having a losing side to choose).

[lionfamily1999]

Dh and I dated for two years, were engaged for eight months, and have been married for ten months. So 2 years 8 months total before marriage. If we had met later on in life, when we were older and had jobs and stuff, we would have married sooner - he knew he wanted to marry me and started talking rings four months after we started dating and four months before he turned 18! He turned 20 right after our wedding, and I turned 21 four months later.

 

So, we're fairly poor, and I have better job prospects than he does because I have more education. But we are doing fine...and I much, much prefer being married to not being married. It is hard, but I'm glad every day that we did it. :)

That's wonderful :D Times aren't easy for us either, but I agree... being married is great, hard, and great.

[Sandra in FL]

Dh and I dated for 3.5 yrs before eloping. It was 2 weeks before my 30th birthday and he was almost 32. I knew very quickly that he was the one but he wanted to be sure.

 

We just had our 18th anniversary last month. We've had 1 very rocky year and 17 very good ones. He still is the love of my life.

 

I'd like for my kids to be mid 20's and known/dated for at least 2 years. Of course, that's not up to me.

[Gooblink]

Marriage #1 - dated for five years, married for four, two of which were separated.

 

Marriage #2 - dated for about 8 months, married for thirteen years 'til death parts us.

 

:)

 

ETA: I missed the second part of your question, the first time. For my kids, I want them to take a marriage commitment seriously and intentionally, regardless of how long they dated.

Edited November 9, 2010 by Gooblink
Missed the second part of question

[missmoe]

We met and then dated for five months before getting married. What I want for my kids? I want them to know the person well enough to know that they are compatable. I also want them to pray about the person they are marrying and know that this is the person (or perhaps a person ) for them. I don't those things happen at the same speed for each person. So I don't have a time line thought out for any of my kids.

[edithcrawley]

It will be 5 years 2 months and 4 days between dating and marriage.

Was 4 years exactly between dating and engagement.

[Heidi]

From the day we MET to the day we MARRIED was four weeks and one day. We eloped. We're about to celebrate our 8 year anniversary.

 

 

Why? Go look up the husband/picture thread. You'll understand. ;)

 

What I want for my kids: To not do what I did, of course.

[jenL]

We were together for 5.5 years before getting married. We met our first year of college, began dating 2nd semester, and got married a year and a half after we graduated college. We were engaged for about 10 months before getting married.

 

As for my sons... interesting question. They're young yet, so I haven't really thought about it in depth. I would like to say they will not get married until after they graduate college (so no earlier than 21/22). Ideally, after 24 or 25, but God may have other plans for them.

[IsabelC]

I was engaged for two years, but I would have liked to marry somewhat sooner, had we been able to afford it. I'm not clear on the distinction between dating and courting? I was what we call 'going out with' dh (ie thinking of ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend) for a couple of months before we got engaged (yes, very quick, but then with a long engagement it sorta averaged out).

 

LOL @ wanting your kids to not do what you did :lol: (Reminds me of my mother, who was shocked that I was engaged at 20, when she had been married at 19!)

 

For my kids, tbh I have no idea. At their current ages (7, 5 and 2) I can't even imagine them being romantically attached to anyone, let alone getting married: they're still my wee babies! I guess I'll be happy if they find a path in life that is right and fulfilling for them. That may or may not include having a significant other, and if they do the relationship may or may not involve marriage. Whatever they do, I'll probably be worrying about them and trying not to look like I'm worrying about them :D

[kwickimom]

Well, uhhhh....We married after a year and half....but had DD 9 months after we met :blush::blush: and something I pray to God my kids never do.

Here we are 8 years and 3 kids later though :D

[fastforward]

We were together for 7 years before we got married. We started dating in high school and we went through college together. Today is actually our dating anniversary -- 18 years!

 

My only expectations with my daughters are that they refrain from having children before marriage and that they end up with someone who loves and respects them like their father loves and respects me. ;) My kids are still very young so I hopefully have a lot of time to think this over!

[scrappyhappymama]

We met two weeks after I started college, and I had *just* turned 18. Two 1/2 months later, we were engaged and we married nine months after meeting for the first time.

 

We've been married 18 years now, so I've now been married half my life! :lol:

 

As far as our children go- we're raising them more in the courtship model, so we don't intend for them to date. And I'm not generally a big fans of long engagements, although I'd make an exception for very young adults.

 

My ideal plan is for my sons to finish an undergraduate degree, and then marry a girl they have come to know and love. :001_wub: But of course I know they'll follow their own path and plan, not mine, so we hope to raise them to make wise choices and then love them whatever they do!

[lionfamily1999]

From the day we MET to the day we MARRIED was four weeks and one day. We eloped. We're about to celebrate our 8 year anniversary.

 

 

Why? Go look up the husband/picture thread. You'll understand. ;)

 

What I want for my kids: To not do what I did, of course.

:lol: