WWYD? Dh's Grandmother's funeral 6 days before due date

[2squared]

Would you travel 2.5 hours 6 days before your due date? Here are the particulars:

 

• Half of the drive (the half closest to our house) is extremely rural - only cornfields and combines.
  
• Visitation is Sunday night and funeral on Monday, we would be gone over 24 hours.
  
• I usually go a few days late
  
• This baby has already dropped
  
• My last baby's labor lasted for 4 hours at home and 10 min at the hospital and then I hemorraged.
  
• Dh's parents were supposed to watch the dc for us while I was laboring. We don't really have a back-up plan.
  
• Dh wants me to go. He was very close to his grandmother. He is lectoring at the funeral.
  
• I'm not particularly tied to delivering with my doctor or at my hospital, but it would be nice to not show up in an ER in a strange place to deliver. FWIW, my hospital is a tiny country hospital which can only handle normal vaginal deliveries. If I need anything more, they have to either move me or call in a doctor from a bigger town.
  

 

Edited October 15, 2010 by 2squared

[Crimson Wife]

What does your OB/midwife say?

[Isabella]

Well, I would go if there was no complications with my other births, but then I am very blase (how do you do that little thingy above the e!) about such matters. I would consider it's quite unlikely for the baby to come in that 24hrs. The actual sitting in the car is not much different that sitting at home. The emotional side of the funeral will be a little harder being there than being home, but again, it's unlikely to set off labour.

Of course, I'm not advising you one way or another, just saying what I would probably do based on your points.

[3lilreds in NC]

If your doc/midwife says it's all right, I would go. You dh wants you to go: that is really important. I think it's important to go to funerals anyway, to support the ones left behind. That's just my $.02.

[keptwoman]

I'm totally on the fence based on your list. So I say go with your gut, really listen to what you feel should be done and do that.

[NanceXToo]

Would you travel 2.5 hours 6 days before your due date? Here are the particulars:

 

• My last baby's labor lasted for 4 hours at home and 10 min at the hospital and then I hemorraged.

 

Less than a week before the due date, that many hours of traveling/being away from home? Based on this alone (plus the bit about over an hour's drive each way being through nothing but rural cornfields?!), heck no.

 

And unless you've talked to your OB and s/he is okay with it, and YOU feel comfortable with it, I don't think your husband should be trying to talk you into it, either!

[IsabelC]

I'm totally on the fence based on your list. So I say go with your gut, really listen to what you feel should be done and do that.

 

I agree - go with your gut (or should that be your uterus? lol)

How healthy and up to it are you feeling, both physically and emotionally?

Do you feel that everything is going well with the belly babe?

Is she/he giving you the sense that she/he is nearly ready to arrive?

 

If you and your medical advisers feel it is OK for you to go, fine. If not, well you have a very good excuse to give it a miss and everyone will understand. I'm sure your husband will get over it if you explain that it's for your health and that of your little one.

[MamaT]

Based on your list, if it were me, I would probably go. That's just what I would do, though. You have to listen to your gut, like others have said, and make your own decision.

[Starr]

I think you should have the baby first. :D Otherwise I would be going back and forth about it until the last minute.

[ChristusG]

There's no way I would go.

[AHASRADA]

I am planning to give birth at a hospital 2 hours away from where I live, near my family. My intention is to pack and go to stay with my mom 10 days before my due date, but if the baby decides to come early, I expect to just hit the road and get there in time ;). At the same time, my 1st labor was 40 hours, and 2nd labor was 14, with no complications.

 

Like everyone else said, follow your Dr.'s advice and go with your gut. If you are leaning toward not going, perhaps you could nudge your Dr. in that direction, so you can tell dh and his family "the Dr. told me not to travel". I am surprised, considering the location and your history, that dh is pushing you to go, but his thinking is likely clouded by grief. Personally, I would have to balance my feelings if I were to go into labor at an inopportune time and/or deliver at an unfamiliar hospital (anger/resentment?) and how I would feel if I stayed home, nothing happened, and I missed the funeral (guilt, regret?)

 

If it helps, my great-grandmother passed one week after my dd's birth, and I did not go. I was exhausted and did not feel ready to make a 2 hour round trip with a newborn who would need to be nursed and comforted constantly through a service. Everyone understood. Personally, I am in much better shape (and mental state) pregnant than post-partum, but that's just me.

 

Best of luck with the decision!

[MamaAkins]

Have you thought about asking your doctor if there is another doctor/midwife/hospital that he could refer you to in the area closer to the funeral? That way, you'd have a doctor that at least had access to your medical info. should you need it while you're away. If you decide to go, I would also ask your doctor's office to supply you with a copy of all of your pertinent medical records so that you would have it with you while traveling.

 

You also mentioned that your in-law's were going to watch the other kids while you were in labor. It sounds like if you stay home, you would be alone with no back up plan if dh and his parents are both going to be gone for the funeral. If you were to go into labor while your husband is gone, what would you do with the kids? Are you prepared to go through childbirth without your husband present if he can't make it back in time?

 

Praying that you will be able to decide on what is best for you, your baby, your husband, etc. I'm sorry for your family's loss.

[WarriorMama]

Would you travel 2.5 hours 6 days before your due date? Here are the particulars:

 

• Half of the drive (the half closest to our house) is extremely rural - only cornfields and combines.

• Visitation is Sunday night and funeral on Monday, we would be gone over 24 hours.

• I usually go a few days late

• This baby has already dropped

• My last baby's labor lasted for 4 hours at home and 10 min at the hospital and then I hemorraged.

• Dh's parents were supposed to watch the dc for us while I was laboring. We don't really have a back-up plan.

• Dh wants me to go. He was very close to his grandmother. He is lectoring at the funeral.

• I'm not particularly tied to delivering with my doctor or at my hospital, but it would be nice to not show up in an ER in a strange place to deliver. FWIW, my hospital is a tiny country hospital which can only handle normal vaginal deliveries. If I need anything more, they have to either move me or call in a doctor from a bigger town.

 

 

For myself, if you'd asked me after my first birth, I would have said sure, I'd do it. Labour was long and started way past my due date.

 

Then I had my second birth be a shockingly precipitous affair that lasted almost exactly ONE hour. Now not only would I NOT go, I seriously doubt my husband would either, because he wouldn't want me to go into labour alone.

 

But really, it's so individual. Everybody has different comfort levels. In your shoes I would

a) discuss it with my caregiver

b) find out if there's a hospital nearby where you'll be for the funeral that you'd be comfortable delivering at

c) most importantly, go with your gut

 

Personally, I wouldn't want to travel or have the stress of caring for a lot of small kids at a funeral etc. But I also wouldn't want to be alone, without my family in those end-of-pregnancy days. It's a hard choice. :grouphug:

[Melinda S in TX]

Are you using health insurance to pay for the birth? My health insurance will not pay for the birth if I travel more than one hour away from home in the last month of pregnancy. You may want to check with your insurance.

 

Blessings,

Melinda

[Danestress]

I guess to me, if there is, you are never more than an hour and 25 minutes from a hospital.

 

I would figure out where the hospitals are, and just try go make sure I am not more than an hour from one.

 

That is if DH really wanted me to go. If DH didn't care so much, I would stay home and keep the youngest child or children with me, just because travel would be sort of exhausting and miserable. I would send the older ones with him if they are likely to behave well. I would not want to add stress to him.

 

The odds of you going into labor then are small. I personally would not be too concerned. In fact, I had to travel 45 minutes to get to my hospital for my twin pregnancy, which is supposedly high risk. An hour or so just does not seem like a big deal to me. Obviously if you wake up the day of travel feeling nauseous or something, you aren't going. Any early signs of labor, don't go. But I would not want to miss my DH's grandmother's funeral and then sit around as the baby is a week late listening to him say, "Wow, I really wish you had gone. I just knew this baby wouldn't come then!"

[Tree House Academy]

I would NOT go, but I would have a friend stay with my while dh is gone (or relative) because you could go into labor at any time and need their assistance. I would feel much safer with someone there and I am sure almost anyone would be willing. If you have someone close by (like a neighbor), then they dont' have to stay with you...they just need to be available for you at all hours of the night if the need arises.

[wapiti]

My last baby's labor lasted for 4 hours at home and 10 min at the hospital and then I hemorraged.

 

This right here is critical, IMO. Your next labor might be even shorter. And you have a history of hemorrage. You really, really, really, really do not want to go into labor during either car ride.

 

Chances are, if you stay home alone and send DH with DC, nothing will happen. But I don't see how your going is worth the risk that something might. Besides, long car rides increase the risk of blood clots, and bumpy car rides, well you know what they're known for ;)

 

Sorry about this difficult situation, and best wishes for a safe, happy delivery *after* your Dh returns!

[Catwoman]

If it were me, I wouldn't go, and neither would my dh.

 

If his grandmother were alive, she would probably be mortified at the thought that anything bad could happen to you and/or the baby on the way to or from a family funeral. I would think she would want you and the baby to be safe and healthy.

 

Your dh doesn't have to be present at the funeral to grieve for his grandmother or to pray for her. Going to the funeral isn't going to bring her back, and although I'm sure he'd like to see his relatives at this time, there will be plenty of time for that after the new baby is born. I know he will feel guilty about not attending the, but that would be nothing compared to his guilt and sadness if you went into labor on the road to the funeral, and something went terribly wrong.

 

Sorry to be so negative, but just because you've been late in the past, doesn't mean that your newest family member might not be in a big hurry to see the world, and show up early and quickly.

 

BTW, I'm very sorry to hear about your dh's grandmother.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you're soon the mom of a brand new, happy, healthy baby! :)

 

Cat

[Mejane]

If it were me, I wouldn't go, and neither would my dh.

 

 

 

:iagree:He should be with you. My brother missed our beloved grandfather's funeral in another town because his son was born the day before and his wife needed him there. He wrote a letter which was read at the funeral.

[Catwoman]

He wrote a letter which was read at the funeral.

 

That is such a wonderful idea, and I'm sure the family appreciated it.

 

Cat

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I would go! Family is very important to us though.

[ZeldaRules]

your husband will be gone if you go into labor and you stay behind. Are you okay with that? His parents will be at the funeral too, I assume. So who will take care of your other child/ren? Are your parents close by? Who would go with you while giving birth if your husband is gone? If you don't have someone, I would go because I would rather be with my husband while giving birth than alone without him.

 

It is a tough call. Hugs to you and your husband in this joyful and sorrowful time.

[ereks mom]

 

Less than a week before the due date, that many hours of traveling/being away from home? Based on this alone (plus the bit about over an hour's drive each way being through nothing but rural cornfields?!), heck no.

 

And unless you've talked to your OB and s/he is okay with it, and YOU feel comfortable with it, I don't think your husband should be trying to talk you into it, either!

 

:iagree:

[ChristineW]

Is the hospital where the funeral is capable of handling an emergency birth? If not, how far away is the nearest "big" hospital? If your husband goes alone, is there someone around who can help with the kids? Can he take them? Is there a friend who can keep an eye on you?

 

If you had a history of uncomplicated births then I would be comfortable advising you to go, but with the hemorrage its different. My SIL nearly died delivering her third; she's fine now, but it was pretty scary for a while.

 

I'm with those who advise you to stay home and for your DH to stay with you.

 

Christine W

[Alyce]

You have a history of short births and with the hemorraging factor I would consider it high risk and stay home. As another poster said what happened in one doesn't mean it will happen in the other. Your last one was late, you said this one has already dropped, there's a good chance it will come on time. Like you said it would be a new Dr and a new hospital. The new Dr may not be aware of your history and will not have your medical records to review to help him better treat you. I had a friend last fall who was planning on going to Tx 2 weeks before he due date. We all told her no, that the timing was wrong and the long ride would be too stressful. She went to the Dr 2 days after telling us and found out she was in labor. Both she and the baby had complications. The Dr knew her history well and they were able to take care of things quickly. You never now when something might go wrong especially when you are near your due date.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

I had to consider the same thing with my last pregnancy. Both of my grandfathers were dying of cancer and lived just over 2 hours away. All of my other kids were on time or a few days early, but I had been having very strong braxton hicks contractions since at least 30 weeks so I was thinking I might go early. I gave myself a deadline of 36 weeks. I would only go to the funerals if they were before 36 weeks or at least a few weeks after the baby was born. I'm very close to my family so this was a tough decision to make. Luckily, the funerals were when the baby was 2 months and 4 months, respectively. In your case, I wouldn't go. I'm not sure if I would want dh to go either.

[jenL]

I would not go. I agree with others who have said your short labor last time and the hemorraging are complications that could affect you dangerously. Of course, you could be perfectly fine too. However, the "what if" factor in your situation is one that needs to be taken into serious consideration.

 

If dh could go and take the kids, that would be the best scenario, but if that is the case, have a friend nearby whom you can call on if labor begins while they are all still away. You should not be left 100% alone since you have no idea where this labor will go. Will dh be able to come home swiftly once the funeral is over?

 

If you are really set on going, I would get a copy of your medical record so you can have it on you if you need to give birth in a different hospital.

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

I would go! Family is very important to us though.

I don't think not going means that family is any less important, especially since the health of the poster and her baby (who is family) are potentially at stake.

 

ETA that I wouldn't go and if there was a chance of complications during labor for me my family wouldn't want me to go.

Edited October 15, 2010 by Cheryl in SoCal

[Miss Sherry]

Would you travel 2.5 hours 6 days before your due date? Here are the particulars:

 

• Half of the drive (the half closest to our house) is extremely rural - only cornfields and combines.

• Visitation is Sunday night and funeral on Monday, we would be gone over 24 hours.

• I usually go a few days late

• This baby has already dropped

• My last baby's labor lasted for 4 hours at home and 10 min at the hospital and then I hemorraged.

• Dh's parents were supposed to watch the dc for us while I was laboring. We don't really have a back-up plan.

• Dh wants me to go. He was very close to his grandmother. He is lectoring at the funeral.

• I'm not particularly tied to delivering with my doctor or at my hospital, but it would be nice to not show up in an ER in a strange place to deliver. FWIW, my hospital is a tiny country hospital which can only handle normal vaginal deliveries. If I need anything more, they have to either move me or call in a doctor from a bigger town.

 

 

I wouldn't travel that far 6 days before a baby is due. Not unless it puts you close to a good hospital to deliver at. It sounds like the hospital you live near may not be the best place to deliver at.

You had a short labor last time. My labors were shorter each time. My third baby was only about 1 1/2 hours labor.She was delivered by a nurse. We arrived at the hospital and 30 minutes later she was born. My second baby was born as soon as we arrived.

The only reason I even made it to the hospital in time when my 3rd baby was born was because I left to go to the hospital before my labor pains were close together.

It sounds like you may be a little ambiguous about your local hospital ? Would this trip put you closer to a hospital that is a better option ? If you have insurance, you may want to check to find out , if you don't know, if hospitals near the funeral are covered.

As far as due dates, one of my children was born 2 weeks past the due date, one 2 weeks before the due date, and one on the same day as the due date.

 

Also, you HAVE to have someone available to drive you to the hospital when you go into labor.

Doing what you believe is best for the delivery of this baby should be a priority over attending a funeral. Maybe it is better to be at the funeral IF it puts you closer to a better facility, in case you were to have complications.

Edited October 15, 2010 by Miss Sherry

[Miss Sherry]

:iagree:

 

It's ridiculous to insinuate that family is less important to her by not going. As a matter of fact, that's what she is doing thinking of the well-being of her unborn child (FAMILY)!

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Impish]

I don't know about where you are, but here the OBs did something I found both unusual and greatly comforting: they give you a copy of your file towards the end of your pregnancy. That way, if you *don't* end up at the hospital you'd planned to, you have all the info available. I was told to keep it in my purse until I had the baby.

 

Cool idea that I hadn't experienced before. Perhaps your OB might do something like that?

[Alessandra]

I haven't read all the comments, but I imagine more than one person has mentioned the risks .... stillbirth/serious difficulties vs attending funeral.

 

Another reason not to go -- what if you go into labor at the time of the funeral? Your dh would have the difficult decision of being at the funeral, or with you, or back and forth. And people might blame you for taking attention away from the funeral.

 

Perhaps you could write an extra nice letter for dh's parents, or have dh read something that you have written.

Edited October 15, 2010 by Alessandra

[Medieval Mom]

I would not go, nor would Dh feel comfortable leaving me so close to the due date. Your health and the health of your baby is more important than honoring the deceased at the funeral. I think everyone would understand this. :grouphug:

[2squared]

Thanks for all the viewpoints. This is a tough call. Dh would like me to go, but a lot of that is for child management duties. And, who can blame him? If I stay home, I won't keep any dc with me. I would like to go to be supportive, but at the same time it doesn't seem like traveling is the smartest, safest option. And...to be perfectly honest....having a quiet house for 24 hours would be heavenly. :blushing:

 

Anyway...I stopped in to ask the local doc today, and their advice was to go with my gut. They said if I do go, to have a list of available hospitals and to minimize my activity level while gone. I had a sad thought this morning - maybe this is an God-given "opportunity" to be near a bigger hospital for complications.

 

Dh & I will have to talk about this further. If I don't go, I am sure nothing will happen. If I do go, I will probably go into labor. Isn't that how these decisions usually turn out?

 

Thanks again for all the votes and perspectives. Dh seems to see me as super-woman who can do it all while sometimes I need to be an average woman with normal hesitations and limitations. Thanks for verifying that my concerns are valid.

[RanchGirl]

I voted stay home, but actually I would stay home and take it easy with a friend and let him take the kids there. If you do go into labor, you don't want to be finding last minute child care on the way to the hospital!

 

I think your concerns are valid, and I absolutely wouldn't go. I would let him decide whether or not he should go and risk missing the birth of his child. If he does go, he takes the kids, and he can hire a sitter/nanny, or maybe a niece or nephew that will be there will be available.

 

You really shouldn't be traveling or doing extensive child care duty anyway at this point in the pregnancy in my opinion!

[JennyD]

I have not read all the replies, but if you are insured, do check your insurance policy as to whether they will cover you if you deliver in another hospital. Mine will not cover out-of-network deliveries past 37 weeks absent an extreme circumstance. This probably includes a death in the family, but if your policy has the same provision you'd want to call and check that DH's grandmother's death would qualify. Either way, you don't want to be surprised by a bill for an out-of-network hospital delivery.

Edited October 15, 2010 by JennyD

[JoyfulMama]

Anyway...I stopped in to ask the local doc today, and their advice was to go with my gut. They said if I do go, to have a list of available hospitals and to minimize my activity level while gone. I had a sad thought this morning - maybe this is an God-given "opportunity" to be near a bigger hospital for complications.

 

 

This was my thought. But please do ask your local doc to provide you with some written documentation to take with you regarding your current prenatal care, and check with your insurance to see how coverage might differ.

 

Oh, and make sure to pack an extra set of clothes for everyone. I'm thinking a washer and dryer are available at the inlaws if needed.

[kalanamak]

 

• This baby has already dropped

• My last baby's labor lasted for 4 hours at home and 10 min at the hospital and then I hemorraged.

 

 

 

No. Your husband is a big boy. He can lecture by himself.

[ChrisOR]

Based on your particulars, no.

 

Would DH's grandma have preferred you to stay home just to be on the safe side? I imagine she might have. ;)

[Garga]

If you do decide to go, here's what I would do.

 

1. Find the address of all the hospitals along the way.

2. Take a GPS (borrow one if possible). If you go into labor, you can plug in the address of the hospitals and head to one of them.

 

If you don't have access to a GPS, find a really detailed map of the area you'll be traveling through. Mark on the map where the hospitals are, and then, if you go into labor, you can follow the map to get to the hospital.

[Garga]

Oh--you know what! SUPER IMPORTANT!!!! MONEY MONEY MONEY!!

PLEASE READ!!

 

Often your doc will call in to preauthorize your stay at a hospital and you might not even think about that step. If you travel and then end up going to another hospital, you might not have preauthorization for that hospital. And when you're in labor, you might not even be thinking about it. BUT...your insurance company is thinking about it. And they will penalize you for not having preauthorization.

 

I used to work for a health insurance company and there were a number of times where the entire maternity hospital stay was either completely denied or the benefits were greatly reduced when women went to out of area hospitals to deliver their babies. The thought was that you knew you were going to have the baby and if you chose to travel out of the area, then that was your choice, and YOU should have to pay for it, not the insurance company.

 

Appeals in those cases were usually denied.

 

You need to call your health insurance company and find out about how to get preauthorized at an out of area hospital.

[Miss Sherry]

Oh--you know what! SUPER IMPORTANT!!!! MONEY MONEY MONEY!!

PLEASE READ!!

 

Often your doc will call in to preauthorize your stay at a hospital and you might not even think about that step. If you travel and then end up going to another hospital, you might not have preauthorization for that hospital. And when you're in labor, you might not even be thinking about it. BUT...your insurance company is thinking about it. And they will penalize you for not having preauthorization.

 

I used to work for a health insurance company and there were a number of times where the entire maternity hospital stay was either completely denied or the benefits were greatly reduced when women went to out of area hospitals to deliver their babies. The thought was that you knew you were going to have the baby and if you chose to travel out of the area, then that was your choice, and YOU should have to pay for it, not the insurance company.

 

Appeals in those cases were usually denied.

 

You need to call your health insurance company and find out about how to get preauthorized at an out of area hospital.

 

This is very important. I hope the OP reads this.

[myfatherslily]

I would plan to be prepared in the event that you don't make it to any hospital, if you choose to go. This is said by someone who had babies #1) In hospital after 22 total hours of labor, #2) At home after 5 hours of very light "ohh, I've got LOTS of time" labor, baby born with just daddy and I there!, and #3) Born 10 minutes after pulling into the hospital parking lot, rushing, NOT thinking "ohh, I've got time", born before doctor came. Just sayin' you never know:)

 

IF you choose to travel, it would be ideal to know what to do in the event of a precipitous birth. In a nutshell, do nothing! You would not cut the cord. You would not panic. You would call 911. You would have brought clean soft baby blankets to wipe the baby then wrap him up. You would massage your uterus, not pull on the cord/placenta, and get him to nurse as soon as you can (to help contract your uterus after birth). Maybe you know these things:) But do think about it. I really think everyone should know the basics anyway!:D

[StephanieZ]

Dh doesn't go. You don't go. If someone else can transport some of your older kids and that makes sense to you, then that'd be fine.

 

You need to stay near medical care given your medical history. Dh must stay near you, period.

 

My dh missed his brother's wedding when I was due with our 2nd. Some things just can't be missed -- a birth is one of those things.

[Teachin'Mine]

I'm totally on the fence based on your list. So I say go with your gut, really listen to what you feel should be done and do that.

 

 

:iagree: What about just going to the funeral on Monday as an option?

[silliness7]

I would be more nervous being at home alone with all of my family 2.5 hours away. What would you do if something did happen? Call an ambulance or neighbor? I'd rather deliver in a strange ER with dh than in my own hospital with no dh.

[Parrothead]

For the past 8 years I've lived between 2 and 2.5 hours away from civilization. I don't think it would have fazed me. But if you are not used to living like that maybe you shouldn't go.

 

I also was not adamant about who delivered dd. I was with a group and you got whoever was on call that day. So if I had gone into labor when I went to my grandfather's funeral in a different state month before my due date, it would not have bothered me.

 

But you've gotta do what is right for you.

[Parrothead]

Dh doesn't go. You don't go. If someone else can transport some of your older kids and that makes sense to you, then that'd be fine.

 

You need to stay near medical care given your medical history. Dh must stay near you, period.

 

My dh missed his brother's wedding when I was due with our 2nd. Some things just can't be missed -- a birth is one of those things.

Sure it can. It happens all the time.

[scrappyhappymama]

You also mentioned that your in-law's were going to watch the other kids while you were in labor. It sounds like if you stay home, you would be alone with no back up plan if dh and his parents are both going to be gone for the funeral. If you were to go into labor while your husband is gone, what would you do with the kids? Are you prepared to go through childbirth without your husband present if he can't make it back in time?

 

 

I would go to the funeral. I would not want to be responsible for making my husband miss the funeral of his grandmother, especially since he will be speaking. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all in your case with everyone leaving for the funeral and being home alone. What if you were to go into labor then? So by choosing to stay home, you'd be compelling your husband to stay as well.

 

Of course I lean more to the point of view that pregnancy and childbirth are natural and normal process and not usually an emergency. If you go to the funeral and start having signs of early labor, then you leave early and return home or to your planned hospital. In most cases, you'll have plenty of time to get back. Granted, it probably won't be the most pleasant ride back, but you'll have generated a lot of goodwill in the family for trying. On the other hand, if your husband goes without you, you'll have to wait for him to get back to you and then get to the hospital. So it's actually putting you in a bit more precarious position.

 

Of course there are many factors you have to consider I am sure- how close was your husband to grandmother, could the funeral possibly be rescheduled in deference to your state, will your insurance decline to cover you at another hospital in case of emergency, etc.

 

But in general, my inclination would be to go. I don't say this too lightly. I had surgery on my foot and my husband's grandmother died the same day. Rather than recuperating in peace at home, I had to help prepare for a road trip, and then endure the 5 hour trip, and care for my infant son and two other littles on crutches, all so that my husband could deliver the eulogy. Fortunately there was plenty of family to help out, but it was not pleasant for me at all. A few years prior, his other grandmother passed away in NY, less than a week before my BIL's wife's scheduled c-section. He went to the funeral, planning to fly back the day before the birth. *Of course* the flight was canceled so he ended up having to scramble for another one which took him all over the country and finally got to the hospital with only an hour to spare before the baby's delivery. Sometimes life just happens (and death), and we make the best of it, right?