Sentences you can't believe you just said?

[sarawatsonim]

Once in a conversation with dd5:

 

"I don't know if cowboys live in testes........did you mean to say Texas?"

 

Just said so I am adding:

 

"Girls don't dance in their underwear in front an open window"

Edited September 12, 2010 by sarawatsonim

[myfunnybunch]

My most recent:

 

"I'm sorry, but you cannot keep the leech for a pet. Please return it to the lake when you're finished studying it."

 

:ack2:

 

Not sure what astonished me more, having to turn down a leech for a pet or not getting grossed out by a captured leech in the first place.

 

Cat

[Dobela]

Just today I heard dd3 ask dd10 if she could borrow his peewee. My reply: No, you cannot borrow his peewee. It doesn't come off."

To which she replies, "But mine is too little. I need bubba's".

Me: Honey, God didn't give you a peewee. Remember someday you will have breasts like mama.

dd3: But I don't want beasties. I wanna peewee. Mama, go pray to God for me one.

[kristavws]

"Please quit peeing off the deck - at least go out into the yard"

 

" The chickens are starting to look hungry. You may want to go inside and get some clothes on before they grab it"

 

I have boys, so "Get your hands out of your pants" is a common one around here as well.

[Beach Mom]

Don't pick your gum off the driveway and put it back in your mouth!!!:tongue_smilie:

 

(DS replies in a shocked tone, "oh, is that a rule??!!!")

 

Me: "Who raised you????"

[smrtmama]

You can't drink your chocolate milk until you put on some pants.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Oooo, these are good!

 

Some of mine:

 

"Exactly why are you storing a baby wipe in your butt?"

 

"Get your shoes out of the dishwasher!"

 

"Is that blood or marker on your face?"

 

"Did you get your poop soap and fake eyeballs?" (Said at the Children's Museum after a grossology workshop)

 

"No you may not pee in the sink!"

[Dmmetler]

We don't take snakes to church. Yes I KNOW it says all are welcome, but I don't think Pastor means reptiles.

[Teachin'Mine]

Me: "We don't say Daddie's nuts in the grocery store."

in response to:

 

"Oh look, Daddie's nuts! Do we need to buy some?" said by one of my five year old daughters in the cereal aisle.

 

(Somehow, DH's snack cereal, had been nick-named this by the kids when they were young. I guess it smelled kinda nutty and he was the only one who ate it.)

 

:lol:

[Mrs Mungo]

I once typed "I agree with Spy Car." :001_huh:

 

 

 

:D

 

I think I once said to someone, "OMG, you made me agree with pqr, stop that!!"

[Mommyfaithe]

I once typed "I agree with Spy Car." :001_huh:

 

 

 

:D

 

:lol::lol: me too....shhhhhhh

 

~~faithe

[Nakia]

These are all making me :lol:

 

Some of mine:

 

"Take that dress off the cat"

"Stop wiping your nose on the couch, my shirt, the wall, wherever"

"Stop letting the dog lick your ear"

"Do not sword fight with my knitting needles"

"Turn down that Elvis record" (said to my 10 year old who loves Elvis Pressley!)

"You will get breasts when you are older"

 

I cannot even begin to list all the things I say to my 4 year old. She asks me the craziest and funniest questions. I have to tell her almost daily that she cannot marry Sado (her imaginary boyfriend). I also tell her just about every day, "No, Cora you cannot wear make-up or get your driving license."

 

I love the one that a pp said "I don't care what I said, just do what I meant!" That is awesome! I don't know if it's age (can't be, I'm only 32), having three kids, effects of insomnia, or what, but I get my words mixed up all the time.

[Dobela]

Just a few minutes ago I actually had to say to my naked dd3, "Stop rubbing your bottom on the case of bottled water!" And to my dh I then yelled (because I was neck deep cooking with my ds): _____, get in here and stop your daughter from rubbing her crack on the water!" :ohmy:

[Karen in CO]

Me on the way out: "Take that out to the driveway to blow it up."

9yo dd : "What makes you think I was going to blow anything up while you were gone?"

Me: "I can read labels too dear."

Her: "Oh, good point."

 

Me waiting at the rock yard for the cute guy to fill up my truck with a ton of dirt : "Don't get chocolate chips in my truck."

4yo dd: "But you're filling up the back with dirt, why can't I get the inside dirty"

Me: "Honey, girls don't have dirty trucks."

 

Oh and "Don't catapult grapes at the house."

[JeneralMom]

DS5 - "Mommy, can we have some carob chips?"

Me - "Sure"

DS7 - "I'll get them; where are they?"

Me - "In the freeze, next to the placenta."

 

"Oh, sweetheart, the pigs don't make the bacon, they are the bacon"

[Rosie_0801]

Not at all funny, but I never thought I'd be applying "it doesn't matter" to so many things. Things like toddlers climbing on my head.

 

Rosie

[KrissiK]

"Honey, stop chewing on your toe-nails. Your feet are dirty!"

[Corraleno]

I also tell her just about every day, "No, Cora you cannot wear make-up or get your driving license."

 

When DD was 5 she got one of those little girl make-up kits, which she agreed would be for dress-up play only. A week later we were running late for a doctor's appointment, and I'm standing at the front door, keys in hand, yelling for DD to hurry up. She comes around the corner...looking like a kabuki dancer on acid. Since I don't wear makeup, she had no idea which colors went where, and since there was no mirror in her room, her aim was off anyway! She had turquoise lips, shiny red circles around her eyes, sparkly white powder over her entire face (including into her black hair), and purple cheeks. It took about ten minutes with a wet washcloth to scrub it all off, so not only were we late, she looked like I'd been smacking her around! :tongue_smilie:

 

Jackie

[nono]

Get the gun out of your mouth....

 

(water gun)

 

Scolding my ds, while vacationers trekked back from the beach past my house. That made a couple of heads turn!

[kathkath]

lol

just yesterday my 4yo was whining that he needed to potty while he was in time out so I gave him the nearest thing--an empty brownie pan--and told him if he needed to pee and pee in that. He called my bluff and did. :tongue_smilie::lol:

[Snickerdoodle]

No, I don't want to smell your parps.

[Rosie_0801]

"Let go of my butt" shouldn't need to be said, but at least we were home and not in public.

 

Rosie

[NanceXToo]

Vaginas are private. I don't think we should sing about them in the Hokey Pokey.

 

...Yeah, I'll never forget that little gem.

[meet me in paris]

Living in a house with five boys (six including DH!)

"Is that poop or chocolate?"

 

 

 

:lol: I just spit my coffee out.

[Hot Lava Mama]

"No, honey, I do not want to smell your hands."

 

To my dd, "Sweetheart, I know the boy's pee outside, but your a girl. Girls don't do that."

 

To another ds, "Please don't sit on your sister's head. It's not nice."

 

Hot Lava Mama

[MusicMama]

"Why did you stick your head in the toilet?????"

 

"Stop wiping poop on the walls, NO NOT IN YOUR MOUTH!!!"

 

"No more carrot sticks until you finish your chicken nuggets" Wait did I just say that...:confused:

 

"We don't eat bugs, or rabbit poop. Yes, it does look like candy"

 

"No, that's not a boo-boo, that's my nipple" Breastfeeding isn't very private

[ChristusG]

No, sweetie, chocolate milk will never come out of your boobies. No, not even when you are a mommy. Because God didn't want babies to drink chocolate milk. No, you won't want to push your boob all the way up to your mouth and drink your own chocolate milk. Well, for one, that's just ummm, strange. And for two, your body will NOT make chocolate milk. Yes, I know chocolate milk tastes better than white milk.

[Rosie_0801]

Vaginas are private. I don't think we should sing about them in the Hokey Pokey.

 

...Yeah, I'll never forget that little gem.

 

 

 

:lol: I think that one wins. :lol:

 

Rosie

[LizzyBee]

Does anyone know where my Well Trained Mind is?

 

Put that book down and set the table!

 

To my older girls: If you're wearing white shirts, make sure you have a bra on!

My youngest, about 5 at the time: I'm wearing white, do I need a bra?

Edited September 13, 2010 by LizzyBee

[Cinder]

You all are giving me a good laugh tonight.

 

Lately, I've been having to tell dd, "Stop licking your toes!"

 

Ugh, she's going through a licking phase because a couple days ago I heard ds1 yelling at dd, "Stop licking the car window!"

 

Bleah. :ack2:

 

Cinder

[Jennefer@SSA]

"No you cannot have boobies and a driver's license for your 7th birthday. What's your third choice?" :lol:

Jackie

 

Oh.my.goodness!!! :lol::lol::lol: I tried to tell dh about this one but every time I started to tell him I began laughing so hard I couldn't finish my sentence! By the time I finally got it all out my face was wet with tears. :D

 

I really need to laugh more. Can we have more threads like this!

[Forget-Me-Not]

No, sweetie, chocolate milk will never come out of your boobies. No, not even when you are a mommy. Because God didn't want babies to drink chocolate milk. No, you won't want to push your boob all the way up to your mouth and drink your own chocolate milk. Well, for one, that's just ummm, strange. And for two, your body will NOT make chocolate milk. Yes, I know chocolate milk tastes better than white milk.

:lol::lol::lol:

[Miss Sherry]

Stop exploding the ants or I'll have to take away the magnifying glass.

 

Who drank my ___?

I would be seriously concerned if my children were "exploding " ants with a magnifying glass. It would be high time to teach them to honor, protect, and be in awe of all of creation, especially anything that is alive. :ohmy:

[NancyNellen]

"Kurt, stop licking the dog."

"Get your armpit out of the butter."

 

Those are the most recent ones I can remember...

[Hillary in KS]

I think I once said to someone, "OMG, you made me agree with pqr, stop that!!"

 

I've agreed with pqr before too. :001_smile:

[Miss Sherry]

Does anyone know where my Well Trained Mind is?

 

Put that book down and set the table!

 

To my older girls: If you're wearing white shirts, make sure you have a bra on!

My youngest, about 5 at the time: I'm wearing white, do I need a bra?

"My youngest, about 5 at the time: I'm wearing white, do I need a bra? " :lol: haha

[WiseOwlKnits]

Don't lick your sister.

 

(Followed up with....)

 

I don't care if she said it's OK. Don't. Lick. Your. Sister.

[Corraleno]

Vaginas are private. I don't think we should sing about them in the Hokey Pokey.

:smilielol5:

 

Jackie

[Annabel Lee]

"Just wipe it on a paper or something. Stop teasing your brother & sister with it and just WIPE IT ON THE PAPER. Don't shove the paper near them, either! I don't know what to do with it... no, why would I want it? Just put it in the paper on the floor beneath your feet until we get there."

 

-to ds in the car yesterday, about a booger.

 

Just now: "You don't shake your butt at people."

 

Yeah, we're the classiest.

[MamaSheep]

Oh you people are making me laugh. It's so nice to be reminded now and then that there are other people out there who have to tell their children not to gnaw on their toenails, and not to eat things that are not food, and who have been through enough "poop drama" to understand the despair in one's heart when finding a little dark glob on the carpet that makes her pray very earnestly, "PLEASE let it be just a raisin this time!"

 

One of the more memorable ones around here was, "Take that fork out of your bottom right now."

 

ETA: Also, "No more disintegrating your sister."

Edited September 13, 2010 by MamaSheep

[Mandy in TN]

stop throwing grapes in the gutters

(after most of a bowl of grapes had disappeared from the deck table)

 

you are not allowed to lift the grate on the storm drain and play inside (after friend's child managed to scrape her face on her b'day no less)

 

stop barking

(what's up with the barking)

 

Of course, I also say plenty of the typical-

don't chew on your toes

get your hands out of your pants

get your fingers out of your nose

stop licking your hands

 

Once my oldest ds had my middle ds on his back and they put a hole in the gameroom wall with middle ds's backside.

While freaking out, I said, "Great, now I get to call dh and tell him that there is a butt hole in the wall."

 

My sons lost it laughing and even now, years later, they still call that wall the butt hole wall. I had to laugh at myself even though I was still angry with the knowledge that I would be the one patching and painting that wall.

 

Mandy

[dansamy]

I would be seriously concerned if my children were "exploding " ants with a magnifying glass. It would be high time to teach them to honor, protect, and be in awe of all of creation, especially anything that is alive. :ohmy:

 

They also learned to set paper on fire with the magnifying glass. Yeah. We don't have magnifying glasses anymore.

 

You must not have fire ants where you live. They helped DH burn out a nest with diesel. That's what started it.

[Mandy in TN]

They also learned to set paper on fire with the magnifying glass. Yeah. We don't have magnifying glasses anymore.

 

You must not have fire ants where you live. They helped DH burn out a nest with diesel. That's what started it.

 

Yup, kill 'em. Others on that list- cockroaches (particularly the ones that are huge and fly), mice (particularly if they are staking a claim to the garage, because the house will be next), and any flying stinging insects- them and their home (particularly when their home is attached to yours)

 

Mandy

[dansamy]

I'm all for sanctity of life, etc, but in the case of pests, it's war.

[mrs.m]

:iagree:

 

"I'm sorry the toad peed on you."

"No you may not take a bath with the toad."

"No you may not take your light saber into the restaurant."

[RoughCollie]

I would be seriously concerned if my children were "exploding " ants with a magnifying glass. It would be high time to teach them to honor, protect, and be in awe of all of creation, especially anything that is alive. :ohmy:

 

It's funny how people respond differently -- I read that and immediately asked DS1 if it were true. After I asked him to find a magnifying glass so I could go out and explode ants, he diverted my attention to a great book on ants that we are going to try to get from the library.

 

DS1, I suppose, didn't like the idea of having an Ant-Exploding Mother.

[kristavws]

I had a piglet in one of my litters that was not thriving, so I brought it to the house to raise. It stayed in the house for a little over a month. Here are a few from that experience -

 

"Please do not feed the piglet at the table and definitely do not let it lick yogurt out of the bowl you are eating from"

 

"No, the piglet may not take a bath with you"

 

Noticing that the piglet is not in it's crate as I am heading off to bed - "Who is sleeping with the piglet"

 

Said to Golden Retriever and piglet - "Quit knocking that soccer ball all over

the house"

[dm379]

My kids are very serious about their tae kwon do. Lucky for me they're on the same level so they can hold their own against each other.

 

"Stop kicking your brother in the nuts. Kick him in the stomach."

 

"If you would learn to block your sister's punches better you wouldn't get hurt."

 

to dd "I heard you made a 12 yr. old boy cry in class today. That's awesome."

 

to ds "I know you're fluent in duck but I'm not so you're going to have to answer in a language I do know. yes I know I'm ruining your education by not carrying on a conversation in duck. tough. live with it."

[MyBlueLobsters]

"You pooped? Great! How big was it? Was it soft or hard? Oh, nevermind, just let me come see it" Said to my child who suffers with constipation.

[Miss Sherry]

They also learned to set paper on fire with the magnifying glass. Yeah. We don't have magnifying glasses anymore.

 

You must not have fire ants where you live. They helped DH burn out a nest with diesel. That's what started it.

This brought back memories of a boy who was a neighbor when I was a kid who was frying ants in a frying pan on his stove just for the "fun" of it. They were not fire ants. I thought he was a little disturbed for doing that. His Mom was livid.

I forgot about fire ants. We don't have them in SW Washington. Years ago when we lived in Alabama we had them. My son was little and he would manage to get into them and get stung.