But what about birth control?

[Renthead Mommy]

I've been reading the thread the past day or so and it's made me wonder. Those of you that were teen moms, and those of you with teen kids and pastors kids and the like, what about birth control? Did you just not bother? Did you not know enough to use it?

 

I'm just getting a feeling that there hadn't been a lot of bc talk before hand. Many of you/your kids/ friend's kids were "just not the type to have sex". That the 'not my child-they won't ever do that before marriage' mentality was at work.

 

I guess I just can't grasp that. The only accidental pregancies to me are the one where the bc failed. You are either using bc to prevent it, or you are open to the idea of having a baby. And not using it was runs that risk, even if it was the first time. I think that's why it wasn't an issue among my friends/classmates in high school. We had sex, but we also had bc available.

 

If you are in the 'no sex before marriage' camp, do you still talk to your kids about how to prevent it? What if they slip up? As so many people on here pointed out, they are just human. What if, they give in that one time. Are they prepared? Do they know how to use bc?

 

ETA: Okay I think I confused my point by discussing high school and did/did not bother to use it part. What I guess I really want to know is, if you are in the "Not before marriage" camp or in the "My child will NEVER do that, WE (their parents) don't believe in it!" are you still educating your child about bc IN CASE they they do? What if it does become a moment beyond what they had planned? What if hormones and or stupidity take over? Would they know how to protect them selves from pregnancy and stds?

__________________

Edited July 14, 2010 by Renthead Mommy
Trying to clarify what my real question was.

[Jugglin'5]

I've been reading the thread the past day or so and it's made me wonder. Those of you that were teen moms, and those of you with teen kids and pastors kids and the like, what about birth control? Did you just not bother? Did you not know enough to use it?

 

I'm just getting a feeling that there hadn't been a lot of bc talk before hand. Many of you/your kids/ friend's kids were "just not the type to have sex". That the 'not my child-they won't ever do that before marriage' mentality was at work.

 

I guess I just can't grasp that. The only accidental pregancies to me are the one where the bc failed. You are either using bc to prevent it, or you are open to the idea of having a baby. And not using it was runs that risk, even if it was the first time. I think that's why it wasn't an issue among my friends/classmates in high school. We had sex, but we also had bc available.

 

If you are in the 'no sex before marriage' camp, do you still talk to your kids about how to prevent it? What if they slip up? As so many people on here pointed out, they are just human. What if, they give in that one time. Are they prepared? Do they know how to use bc?

 

I knew plenty of kids in school who knew all about birth control, and still had unprotected sex. Sometimes teenagers are just dumb.

 

ETA: For that matter, I had some college girlfriends who did the same thing. One of my bridesmaids had two abortions while in college. She knew all about birth control, but for whatever reason, very often failed to use it. She would frequently forget to take her pills for weeks at a time.

Edited July 14, 2010 by Jugglin'5

[SonshineLearner]

and... sometimes it just doesn't work.... even if you use it everytime! from the very beginning.... I have a kid to prove it :) and... I was 26!

[LG Gone Wild]

What about it? It isn't pregnancy that concerns me. It's the conduct.

[justamouse]

I was on the pill and didn't know (19 years ago) that anitbiotics and the pill don't mix.

 

And, I agree with Cadam.

[Sara R]

I think birth control failures are not uncommon, especially among teens. Teens are naturally more fertile so birth control failures are a lot more common among them than among the general adult population where the birth control failure numbers were generated (if I recall correctly). And of course teens are generally also less attentive to the details of taking a pill daily, wearing the condom correctly, and so on. Of course some teens are responsible about that kind of thing, but in my opinion (in general) the teens who are really responsible and consider the consequences of their actions are not having sex at all.

 

I was raised to be abstinent, and my mother also discussed birth control with me when I was about 13. The conversation went something like this: "I hope you are smart enough to not have sex before marriage, but if you are stupid enough to do that, I hope you are smart enough to use birth control."

Edited July 14, 2010 by Sara R

[tadbhoward]

While I certainly cannot speak for everyone, I know that it just did not seem to matter. You know, the whole youth doesn't realize it's own mortality sort of mind set. I knew all about bc, knew what the risks were but for some reason I was unable to make the connection that those risks applied to me not just others.

[sassenach]

I knew plenty of kids in school who knew all about birth control' date=' and still had unprotected sex. Sometimes teenagers are just dumb.

 

[/quote']

 

Me, me, me!! I'm one of those teen pregos. We knew all about bc, we were just too dumb (and often drunk) to use it consistently.

 

We later found out that dh and I are quite fertile. Three out of our four were oops babies. Two of those were with hormonal bc.

[lmrich]

I think teens just don't think that way. My kids know all about sunscreen, and they still forget to put it on. AND trust me I have educated my kids to death about sunscreen. They actually think they won't get burned - or I won't see it. I can only imagine how most teens think about BC. Not me, just this once, I wasn't prepared... I get how it happens

[Mejane]

Yes, bc failure happens; one is still safer using it. Some people just don't believe in it.

[spradlin02]

Here's a great article I found on teen pregnancy in context of cultural paradigms.

[BMW]

I'm another mom who saw that my kids were likely to make choices or get themselves into situations... they were taught that abstinence was what I believed was best for then during their teen years. But, I didn't want to have them end up conceiving, so, I said, "You know what I believe about s@x before marriage, but you are going places and hanging out with people and I wont be with you... if you find yourself in a situation where you are going to make a choice... there's bc." I discussed that having a baby in teen years would interrupt their flow of choices and change all of our lives and that it would be best to avoid conceiving.

 

When they were little kids, I never thought I'd have that discussion. I really thought I would raise them "knowing" right and wrong (what I believe about intimacy and marriage) and that they would simply live that out in their own lives... silly me... They still hear from me from time to time about what I believe and why, but they know how to avoid conception.

 

And, btw, my first grandchild was recently conceived by my 20 yog, who is engaged... and she was on bc... thankfully she and baby are doing good.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

This article from the New Yorker details a study wherein the researcher discovered that while religion is a good indicator of sexual views, it is a poor indicator of sexual practices. Also found that evangelical teens are more likely to state their intention not to have premarital sex, yet are, in fact, more likely to engage in premarital sex. The author also discovered that evangelical teens were the least likely to use birth control.

 

It is a very long article and encompasses a great deal of information, if you have the time to read it.

 

Here are excerpts regarding what I referenced above:

"The vast majority of white evangelical adolescents—seventy-four per cent—say that they believe in abstaining from sex before marriage. (Only half of mainline Protestants, and a quarter of Jews, say that they believe in abstinence.) Moreover, among the major religious groups, evangelical virgins are the least likely to anticipate that sex will be pleasurable, and the most likely to believe that having sex will cause their partners to lose respect for them. (Jews most often cite pleasure as a reason to have sex, and say that an unplanned pregnancy would be an embarrassment.) But, according to Add Health data, evangelical teen-agers are more sexually active than Mormons, mainline Protestants, and Jews."

 

and

"Another key difference in behavior, Regnerus reports, is that evangelical Protestant teen-agers are significantly less likely than other groups to use contraception. This could be because evangelicals are also among the most likely to believe that using contraception will send the message that they are looking for sex. It could also be because many evangelicals are steeped in the abstinence movement’s warnings that condoms won’t actually protect them from pregnancy or venereal disease."

 

Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/11/03/081103fa_fact_talbot#ixzz0tfj1TVK0

 

 

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

Here's a great article I found on teen pregnancy in context of cultural paradigms.

great minds think alike, eh?

[spradlin02]

great minds think alike, eh?

 

I've been waiting for a couple of days for an opportunity to drop this on in the mix. It's quite revealing, I would highly suggest all read the article.

[lionfamily1999]

I've been reading the thread the past day or so and it's made me wonder. Those of you that were teen moms, and those of you with teen kids and pastors kids and the like, what about birth control? Did you just not bother? Did you not know enough to use it?

 

We bothered. Dd was the result of sex with a condom. I thought that since we were using condoms we were having "responsible" sex and that I would not get pregnant. And then there was dd.

 

I'm just getting a feeling that there hadn't been a lot of bc talk before hand. Many of you/your kids/ friend's kids were "just not the type to have sex". That the 'not my child-they won't ever do that before marriage' mentality was at work.

 

My mom talked to us (sibs and myself) about sex all the time. She was very open, even about her dislike of condoms. My sister wanted me to pledge to be a virgin, but my mom thought that was irrational silliness.

 

I guess I just can't grasp that. The only accidental pregancies to me are the one where the bc failed. And that happens. You are either using bc to prevent it, or you are open to the idea of having a baby. And not using it was runs that risk, even if it was the first time. I think that's why it wasn't an issue among my friends/classmates in high school. We had sex, but we also had bc available.

 

BC is not 100%.

 

If you are in the 'no sex before marriage' camp, do you still talk to your kids about how to prevent it? What if they slip up? As so many people on here pointed out, they are just human. What if, they give in that one time. Are they prepared? Do they know how to use bc?

None of my dcs are sexually active at this point, thank God. Dd and I have spoken about condoms and the pill (not an option due to fam. hist.). She's not interested, I think that's great.

 

We've talked about hormones, "love," desire, temptation, peer pressure, the whole gamut. We've also talked about STDs and of course, how bc can fail. When the boys get older, we'll discuss the same things. My talks on the subject, though, tend to lean toward why it's really not alright, even with all the safe guards in place, unless you're ready to make a life long commitment (be that to a particular medication or a little person).

[fairfarmhand]

You can only be prepared with bc on hand if you were planning to have relations. I think a lot of these kids end up in "making out gone too far" situations (especially if they themselves believe they should wait) and they never actually planned to have s*x, so they never picked up the bc.

 

 

This was me!

[Renthead Mommy]

You can only be prepared with bc on hand if you were planning to have relations. I think a lot of these kids end up in "making out gone too far" situations (especially if they themselves believe they should wait) and they never actually planned to have s*x, so they never picked up the bc.

 

Okay, I get this. And I get bc failures among teens.

 

What I guess I really want to know is, if you are in the "Not before marriage" camp or in the "My child will NEVER do that, WE (their parents) don't believe in it!" are you still educating your child about bc IN CASE they they do? What if it does become a moment beyond what they had planned? What if hormones and or stupidity take over? Would they know how to protect them selves from pregnancy and stds?

[Guest Cindie2dds]

I knew plenty of kids in school who knew all about birth control' date=' and still had unprotected sex. Sometimes teenagers are just dumb.[/quote']

 

 

:iagree:

[Carrie12345]

I've been reading the thread the past day or so and it's made me wonder. Those of you that were teen moms, and those of you with teen kids and pastors kids and the like, what about birth control? Did you just not bother? Did you not know enough to use it?

 

I'm just getting a feeling that there hadn't been a lot of bc talk before hand. Many of you/your kids/ friend's kids were "just not the type to have sex". That the 'not my child-they won't ever do that before marriage' mentality was at work.

 

I was 20 when I became pregnant with ds, but my mother had offered to take me to get b/c pills years before. The idea of hormonal birth control freaked me out, so I chose condoms. And had ds.

 

I've also gotten pregnant while EBF, with no signs of ovulation.

 

I've also gotten pregnant with an IUD.

 

My kids will (and ds does) know that even sex with b/c can result in pregnancy. And/or disease.

Personally, the idea of using "pregnancy-only prevention" freaks me out, and would make me leery of encouraging such things, even if they do have a smaller failure rate when it comes to conceiving.

[lionfamily1999]

Okay, I get this. And I get bc failures among teens.

 

What I guess I really want to know is, if you are in the "Not before marriage" camp or in the "My child will NEVER do that, WE (their parents) don't believe in it!" are you still educating your child about bc IN CASE they they do? What if it does become a moment beyond what they had planned? What if hormones and or stupidity take over? Would they know how to protect them selves from pregnancy and stds?

In those scenerios, though, there is no way protect themselves EXCEPT with walking away. The moment goes cold pretty quick when you have to dash to the store. If hormones and stupidity take over during a moment that has gone beyond what was planned, then they just won't be prepared. How could they protect themselves if they hadn't planned for that moment?

[spradlin02]

And here's why education is so important...

 

From wikipedia...

"The typical use pregnancy rate among condom users varies depending on the population being studied, ranging from 10–18% per year. [/url]The perfect use pregnancy rate of condoms is 2% per year. Condoms may be combined with other forms of contraception (such as spermicide) for greater protection."

 

Not only in education about condoms important, but how to use them is equally so.

[astrid]

This article from the New Yorker details a study wherein the researcher discovered that while religion is a good indicator of sexual views, it is a poor indicator of sexual practices. Also found that evangelical teens are more likely to state their intention not to have premarital sex, yet are, in fact, more likely to engage in premarital sex. The author also discovered that evangelical teens were the least likely to use birth control.

 

It is a very long article and encompasses a great deal of information, if you have the time to read it.

 

Here are excerpts regarding what I referenced above:

 

"The vast majority of white evangelical adolescents—seventy-four per cent—say that they believe in abstaining from sex before marriage. (Only half of mainline Protestants, and a quarter of Jews, say that they believe in abstinence.) Moreover, among the major religious groups, evangelical virgins are the least likely to anticipate that sex will be pleasurable, and the most likely to believe that having sex will cause their partners to lose respect for them. (Jews most often cite pleasure as a reason to have sex, and say that an unplanned pregnancy would be an embarrassment.) But, according to Add Health data, evangelical teen-agers are more sexually active than Mormons, mainline Protestants, and Jews."

 

and

 

"Another key difference in behavior, Regnerus reports, is that evangelical Protestant teen-agers are significantly less likely than other groups to use contraception. This could be because evangelicals are also among the most likely to believe that using contraception will send the message that they are looking for sex. It could also be because many evangelicals are steeped in the abstinence movement’s warnings that condoms won’t actually protect them from pregnancy or venereal disease."

Read more:

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/11/03/081103fa_fact_talbot#ixzz0tfj1TVK0

 

 

Interesting reading; thank you.

 

I also wanted to say how much I like your avatar. Speaks volumes, that famous photo.

 

astrid

[lionfamily1999]

Isn't that interesting? I remember reading that using a different spermicide (from the one already on the condom) could break the condom down. Learn something new :p

[Nakia]

I was having sex with my now-husband at a young age, but I was on the pill. That was good, but the dumb thing was we weren't using anything to protect against STDs. Duh. But anyway, we were monogamous, and ended up married, so everything worked out.

 

The is not a doubt in my mind that waiting until marriage to have sex is the right and Godly thing to do. I wish I had. I wish I had been brought up being taught that sex is for marriage. I am going to try very hard to teach my girls that sex is a beautiful thing that is a gift from God and is to be shared between husband and wife. My heart's desire is that they at least wait until they are in a deep committed relationship with someone they truly love. But there is no way that I am naive enough to believe that my kids will definitely wait until marriage, so yes, there will be lots of protection talk in our house. I will have no problem putting them on the pill if/when the time comes. I am trying to foster the type of relationship where they feel like they can come and tell me so I can take them to get on the pill. And you better believe I will make sure they take it every.single.day.

 

But like I said in the other teen pregnancy thread, if one of my girls get pregnant as a teen, we will support her and deal with it with grace and love. There is simply no other way to deal with it.

[justamouse]

This article from the New Yorker details a study wherein the researcher discovered that while religion is a good indicator of sexual views, it is a poor indicator of sexual practices. Also found that evangelical teens are more likely to state their intention not to have premarital sex, yet are, in fact, more likely to engage in premarital sex. The author also discovered that evangelical teens were the least likely to use birth control.

 

It is a very long article and encompasses a great deal of information, if you have the time to read it.

 

Here are excerpts regarding what I referenced above:

"The vast majority of white evangelical adolescents—seventy-four per cent—say that they believe in abstaining from sex before marriage. (Only half of mainline Protestants, and a quarter of Jews, say that they believe in abstinence.) Moreover, among the major religious groups, evangelical virgins are the least likely to anticipate that sex will be pleasurable, and the most likely to believe that having sex will cause their partners to lose respect for them. (Jews most often cite pleasure as a reason to have sex, and say that an unplanned pregnancy would be an embarrassment.) But, according to Add Health data, evangelical teen-agers are more sexually active than Mormons, mainline Protestants, and Jews."

 

and

"Another key difference in behavior, Regnerus reports, is that evangelical Protestant teen-agers are significantly less likely than other groups to use contraception. This could be because evangelicals are also among the most likely to believe that using contraception will send the message that they are looking for sex. It could also be because many evangelicals are steeped in the abstinence movement’s warnings that condoms won’t actually protect them from pregnancy or venereal disease."

Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/11/03/081103fa_fact_talbot#ixzz0tfj1TVK0

 

I remember that article well! Thanks for posting it, I'll have to read it again.

[Guest Cindie2dds]

What I guess I really want to know is, if you are in the "Not before marriage" camp or in the "My child will NEVER do that, WE (their parents) don't believe in it!" are you still educating your child about bc IN CASE they they do? What if it does become a moment beyond what they had planned? What if hormones and or stupidity take over? Would they know how to protect them selves from pregnancy and stds?

 

Well, I'm in the "not before marriage camp," they know this now and will always know this. However, I'm not naive enough to think "My child will NEVER do that." They will know about birth control and the "in and outs of s3x," so to speak, only because I think it is their choice. They have to be informed. I was completely informed of all the gory details, very embarrassing as a pre-teen, yet I waited for my husband. Ignorance is not bliss! After that, I can only give them my advice and wisdom and pray they wait.

[Daisy]

My kids are still young but I've never really thought about this. I imagine I will tell them about bc.

 

I can tell you that I was raised in a very strict pentecostal preacher's home. My parents would have NEVER told us about bc or provided it. I didn't find out about all the forms of bc until my junior year of college in Marriage and Family Therapy class. My parents response to bc would have been, "If you choose to have premarital sex, you can live with the consequences whether that be pregnancy or STDs." I don't know if that is the prevailing attitude in the church or if it is just that they think if they don't give the kid an easy out they'll be less likely to engage in the behavior.

 

I can tell you right now the only thing that kept my husband from engaging in premarital sex was the fear of getting the girl pregnant, so that CAN be a powerful motivator.

[TravelingChris]

I think that New Yorker article describes what I have been seeing. None of the teens I have known through church, homeschooling, sports or community activities have described their ideas about teenage sex but I do live and associate with what was described as economically and socially advantaged youth with strong family ties. That describes very well the kind of kids I meet and none have been pregnant. Like the article said the research suggested, they are much more into getting ahead in life and for a teenager, that isn't become a parent. I certainly have no idea whether the other activities they describe are happening but I do know that most of the kids do not have boyfriends and girlfriends. It just seems like high school times are so much more oriented towards getting to one's goal then they even were at my very goal oriented high school 29 years ago.

[Plucky]

Birth control pills and condoms were available to kids in my home at a very early age. My sister still became pregnant and had 3 abortions before 18. :(

[Sara R]

And here's why education is so important...

 

From wikipedia...

"The typical use pregnancy rate among condom users varies depending on the population being studied, ranging from 10–18% per year. [/url]The perfect use pregnancy rate of condoms is 2% per year. Condoms may be combined with other forms of contraception (such as spermicide) for greater protection."

 

Not only in education about condoms important, but how to use them is equally so.

 

But keep in mind that those numbers aren't realistic for teens, who are more fertile and less conscientious and are going to therefore experience "birth control failure" (i.e. baby or abortion) a heck of a lot more often. I've read numbers more like 25%-30% for annual pregnancy rate of teens using condoms.

 

And how can you educate kids in how to use condoms, other than "read the instructions"? Bananas etc. are gross. Some things you just have to experience, kwim? There is going to be a learning curve, just like there is with anything else.

[spradlin02]

And how can you educate kids in how to use condoms, other than "read the instructions"? Bananas etc. are gross. Some things you just have to experience, kwim? There is going to be a learning curve, just like there is with anything else.

 

Use a banana, a cucumber, but anatomically correct models are probably the best. It might be gross, but do you want a pregnant daughter or 14 year old father. If you teach them the right way over and over again, then I almost guarantee those numbers go down. And make sure that learning curve happens in a controlled environment, not in the heat of the moment.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

But keep in mind that those numbers aren't realistic for teens, who are more fertile and less conscientious and are going to therefore experience "birth control failure" (i.e. baby or abortion) a heck of a lot more often. I've read numbers more like 25%-30% for annual pregnancy rate of teens using condoms.

 

And how can you educate kids in how to use condoms, other than "read the instructions"? Bananas etc. are gross. Some things you just have to experience, kwim? There is going to be a learning curve, just like there is with anything else.

 

It is only "gross" if you make it gross. Instructions regarding condom usage are no more "gross" than instructions regarding tampons & pads, breast self-exam, etc.

[amyable]

I know we are in the minority (even among Catholics) but we believe both the premarital s*x and the birth control use are pretty seriously sinful. I *hope* to be able to tell my girls the myriad reasons why our church teaches what it does -- to explain it well enough that they believe it too. Also about not putting themselves in situations that will lead to problems. They can choose to go against it, but I feel MY job is to teach them not to.

 

I'm with one of the posters above, if a child is so "out of control" in the heat of the moment, they're not likely to reach for birth control...if they are thinking that much, they are not *that* in the moment and can think about stopping. They're making a conscious choice. Choices have consequences.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

Interesting reading; thank you.

 

I also wanted to say how much I like your avatar. Speaks volumes, that famous photo.

 

astrid

 

thank you.

 

the photo in my avatar and others by Dorthea Lange almost make me cry if I look at them too long.

[silliness7]

I assume that kids who plan to wait until marriage yet get into trouble anyway KNOW about birth control...a vast majority anyway. But since they are waiting for marriage they are NOT going to go on the pill or carry condoms around in their wallet. It's counterintuitive to their thoughts and plans.

 

However, temptation can strike quite unexpectedly. I think they are ill-armed not because they don't KNOW but because they didn't think it could happen to them.

 

ETA: As far as my own kids go I am less concerned for them to live, think, and plan for chastity even if that results in an unplanned/unwed pregnancy than I would be for them to carry condoms around with them or going on the pill "just in case." That kind of premeditated planning seems rather defeatist to me and in my opinion is more likely to breed promiscuity which, to me, is worse than an unplanned pregnancy.

 

It's like going to Las Vegas not to gamble but just to watch the shows. But you never know, the temptation to play a little poker might get out of hand so "just in case" I'll bring my life savings. Of course, the moral of that story is to stay away from Vegas. ;)

 

But that is just my opinion on a quite controversial topic. I'm very glad that we each have the freedom to instruct our own kids according to our own values and goals for their future.

Edited July 14, 2010 by silliness7

[Sara R]

It is only "gross" if you make it gross. Instructions regarding condom usage are no more "gross" than instructions regarding tampons & pads, breast self-exam, etc.

 

No, it's on a completely different level. Tampons and pads and breast self-exams [which are in question now too but that's another topic] are necessary for everyone regardless of level of sexual activity. Practicing putting on a condom is like practicing for that moment, you know? It goes way beyond reading a list of birth control devices and failure rates. If you are committed to abstinence before marriage, it puts your mind in someplace where it shouldn't be. It goes way beyond practicing proper condom use, to (for girls) a reaction to the erect member, imagining who it will be with and what it will be like, etc. No one should be forced to sit through those kinds of classes. (And they are forced to go through these classes now. I was, and it was terribly uncomfortable and not helpful.)

[charmama4]

sex doesn't scare me it's ignorance that scares me. I don't want to be ignorant to what my kids are up against. It's scary out there but I can't keep them in their rooms till age 18. Education would have to be their weapon to defeat life's battles. And if they stumble, I'll be there to catch them.

 

So, bring on the cucumber and let's learn how to put on a condom!! OB office here we come with a list of questions.

[Daisy]

I guess I still waffle back and forth. I find myself still in the group that says, Yeah, temptation can strike at any time but the best defense is teaching our children how to deal with temptation, not equipping them for failure. So instead of spending hours practicing with a condom and a banana, let's spend hours learning good ways to avoid temptation.

 

I'd probably feel that way about more than just premarital sex. I feel that way about drugs, alcohol, and other dangerous behaviors also.

 

And yet, I know that people make mistakes. I'm just not sure how far we should all go in having contingency plans for failure.

Edited July 14, 2010 by Daisy

[lionfamily1999]

Use a banana, a cucumber, but anatomically correct models are probably the best. It might be gross, but do you want a pregnant daughter or 14 year old father. If you teach them the right way over and over again, then I almost guarantee those numbers go down. And make sure that learning curve happens in a controlled environment, not in the heat of the moment.

The things is, condoms can fail even when used properly. I had all the confidence in the world in condoms, thanks to my sex-ed teacher I knew how to put them on (so did my partner). We still got pregnant.

 

I do not believe that instilling confidence and teaching until they can do it in the dark is a great solution, and I KNOW it doesn't protect them 100%. We can blame teen pregnancies on bc, but not all teen pregnancies are from heat of the moment stupidity. Some are simply because the bc method failed. That has to be mentioned. That possibility MUST be put infront of teens and not covered over with bc methods and how great they are.

[jujsky]

ETA: Okay I think I confused my point by discussing high school and did/did not bother to use it part. What I guess I really want to know is, if you are in the "Not before marriage" camp or in the "My child will NEVER do that, WE (their parents) don't believe in it!" are you still educating your child about bc IN CASE they they do? What if it does become a moment beyond what they had planned? What if hormones and or stupidity take over? Would they know how to protect them selves from pregnancy and stds?

__________________

 

:lurk5: I've been wondering the same thing. Thanks for asking the question!

[Jugglin'5]

Here's a quote from the article mentioned above:

Religious belief apparently does make a potent difference in behavior for one group of evangelical teen-agers: those who score highest on measures of religiosity—such as how often they go to church, or how often they pray at home. But many Americans who identify themselves as evangelicals, and who hold socially conservative beliefs, aren’t deeply observant.

Even more important than religious conviction, Regnerus argues, is how “embedded†a teen-ager is in a network of friends, family, and institutions that reinforce his or her goal of delaying sex, and that offer a plausible alternative to America’s sexed-up consumer culture. A church, of course, isn’t the only way to provide a cohesive sense of community. Close-knit families make a difference. Teen-agers who live with both biological parents are more likely to be virgins than those who do not. And adolescents who say that their families understand them, pay attention to their concerns, and have fun with them are more likely to delay intercourse, regardless of religiosity.

 

 

Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/11/03/081103fa_fact_talbot?currentPage=2#ixzz0tfz0nkGo

 

 

 

 

This has been my experience over the past 18 years of being a part of the "evangelical" church. I can't think of one teen pregnancy in my last three churches (obviously doesn't mean I was aware of everything). I don't think my kids are somehow immune, but their set of friends makes it easier for them. As the last page of the article indicates, I also think there are some socioeconomic issues going on here. I DO see that everywhere. Plus, I just don't think that babies are always seen as the life-derailing tragedies in places where evangelicalism is common as they are in other American sub-cultures.

[silliness7]

Okay, I get this. And I get bc failures among teens.

 

What I guess I really want to know is, if you are in the "Not before marriage" camp or in the "My child will NEVER do that, WE (their parents) don't believe in it!" are you still educating your child about bc IN CASE they they do? What if it does become a moment beyond what they had planned? What if hormones and or stupidity take over? Would they know how to protect them selves from pregnancy and stds?

 

What are they going to say AT THAT MOMENT? Excuse me, could we stop right here and run down to the corner store and get some condoms? :confused:

[misidawnrn]

I didn't read all the posts but I agree with the ones I read.

Teens think in the moment. They can't always think in the future. That is a proven fact.

As a 36yo mom to a 19 yo son (had him at 17) I can and did say to him when he got his GF pregnant at 18 "didn't you use birthcontrol???". Boy that is the pot calling the kettle black! I didn't use BC and started having s3x at age 14:001_huh:. Nobody talked to me about BC. The only thing I heard my mom tell me is "don't get pregnant!" OK....that doesn't count as support or BC!

I look back now and think "why didn't I use BC?"....because I didn't have it and neither did my partner(s). We were young, dumb and 50 foot tall and bullet proof.

As for the young lady that is HSd and recently pregnant...I am sure she thought the same thing....I am not going to get pregnant on my first time, this time, or ever....what ever the case may be. If she even thought about that. In the heat of the moment kids don't think of that.

 

It isn't until women get older that they can multitask while doing the deed! Now I can DTD and think of what groceries I need to get, what my upcoming schedule is and mentally pay bills in my head! :lol:

 

Someone said it best in about post 2-3...Teenagers are stupid! and crappola happens!

[Barb_]

My mom was always open about sex and birth control, but I still had a pregnancy scare at 16 because I wasn't using any birth control (well, except for the condom that failed). Looking back, I think my dad's intense and authoritative parenting style had something to do with it. I was private and didn't want my parents to know anything about my sex life. It made me uncomfortable and embarrassed. I would have been mortified if my mom pulled out bananas. No way, nuh-uh. Practicing condom use to me is a lot like "learning" to use a mouse. Pretty obvious and unnecessary.

 

At 17, my mom figured it out and just made the appointment and got me on the pill. I still managed to get pregnant in college at 20 even though I was taking my pills. Education helps, but don't kid yourself into thinking it's a weapon. Education is actually more like an insurance policy. The circumstances that surround teen pregnancy are always complicated and individualized. Birth control fails. Many kids *want* a baby. Some are just private, regardless of how open parents are. Some are afraid of their parents. Impulsiveness, alcohol, feelings of immortality, anxiety about the relationship...these can all contribute. It never comes down to a simple question of whether birth control is available.

 

Barb

[charmama4]

I didn't read all the posts but I agree with the ones I read.

Teens think in the moment. They can't always think in the future. That is a proven fact.

As a 36yo mom to a 19 yo son (had him at 17) I can and did say to him when he got his GF pregnant at 18 "didn't you use birthcontrol???". Boy that is the pot calling the kettle black! I didn't use BC and started having s3x at age 14:001_huh:. Nobody talked to me about BC. The only thing I heard my mom tell me is "don't get pregnant!" OK....that doesn't count as support or BC!

I look back now and think "why didn't I use BC?"....because I didn't have it and neither did my partner(s). We were young, dumb and 50 foot tall and bullet proof.

As for the young lady that is HSd and recently pregnant...I am sure she thought the same thing....I am not going to get pregnant on my first time, this time, or ever....what ever the case may be. If she even thought about that. In the heat of the moment kids don't think of that.

 

It isn't until women get older that they can multitask while doing the deed! Now I can DTD and think of what groceries I need to get, what my upcoming schedule is and mentally pay bills in my head! :lol:

 

Someone said it best in about post 2-3...Teenagers are stupid! and crappola happens!

 

Your post is priceless!! "DTD and think of what groceries I need to get.." :lol:

The *talk* with my mom was pretty much the same along with a book with cartoons of a man and woman completely covered up in bed!!!

 

I remember telling my mom that I was going to Kaiser for a DRs appt. and she thought I said KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) looking for a job!!!!

 

I just wanted to ask the DR. about bc and sex in general, b/c my mom was not talking to me about it when I did ask her.

 

I just don't want my kids talking to a stranger albeit a MD or good gracious, a just a clueless as my son, friend of his about sex. That's why talking about those types of issues are not taboo at my house.

[LizzyBee]

If you are in the 'no sex before marriage' camp, do you still talk to your kids about how to prevent it? What if they slip up? As so many people on here pointed out, they are just human. What if, they give in that one time. Are they prepared? Do they know how to use bc?

 

 

 

I have talked to my oldest about bc. She was insulted because she very firmly says she plans to wait until marriage. Nevertheless, I want her to know that she can come to me and we can at least discuss it if she changes her mind. Unfortunately, no matter how much I try to open the lines of communication between us, she still thinks her 16 yo friends know more than I. :tongue_smilie:

Edited July 14, 2010 by LizzyBee

[Jugglin'5]

 

I just don't want my kids talking to a stranger albeit a MD or good gracious, a just a clueless as my son, friend of his about sex. That's why talking about those types of issues are not taboo at my house.

 

Nor are they at mine, even though I hope for and expect abstinence.

[Mejane]

What are they going to say AT THAT MOMENT? Excuse me, could we stop right here and run down to the corner store and get some condoms? :confused:

 

I think that's the point. Teens who are dating or in relationships should carry bc. My husband jokes about carrying a condom around in his wallet for years. It didn't entice him into having sex; it was there if he needed it. He eventually threw it away because it was so old. :001_smile:

[HRAAB]

I'm in the camp of 'no sex until you are mature, and hopefully, financially able to deal with the consequences and in a long-term committed relationship - preferably marriage' but not due to any religious reasons. I'm also a realist. I talked to my girls about birth control openly and frequently. I also talked to them about all the reasons why it is best to wait until one is ready to be a responsible parent. Still, as I well know, it doesn't often seem to happen that way. My dd came to me when she decided to have sex (she is now married to the same man). She knows very well how I feel, but she still felt free to discuss it with me. I made an appointment for her with my doctor to discuss birth control. She even asked me to go with her so she could have my input. Neither of my adult dd's have had unprotected sex as far as I know. They both say they never have, and I believe them. It was always available.