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But what about birth control?


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I think that's the point. Teens who are dating or in relationships should carry bc. My husband jokes about carrying a condom around in his wallet for years. It didn't entice him into having sex; it was there if he needed it. He eventually threw it away because it was so old. :001_smile:

That's why I disagree with the aged condom in the wallet. Sitting in there long enough and it's just not safe anymore. This may sound like a silly thing to encourage your children to buy "fresh," but I would no longer trust one that'd been in someone's pocket for ages.

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In the line of "no bc because they weren't planning on having s*x" we need to realize that, at least girls, are most likely to ignore their convictions when the hormones are raging the most. The hormones rage the most when they are ovulating/ fertile! So the times when otherwise inclined young women would give into their hormones and poor choices, are the times when they are most likely to get pregnant.

 

This has an affect on the teen pg rate for sure!

 

I, for one, notice that I am more amicable to my dh when I'm ovulating!!!

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That's why I disagree with the aged condom in the wallet. Sitting in there long enough and it's just not safe anymore. This may sound like a silly thing to encourage your children to buy "fresh," but I would no longer trust one that'd been in someone's pocket for ages.

 

I googled condom shelf life, and an article said a man's back pocket or wallet is the worst place to carry them because the body heat and humidity can break them down. I would amend my statement to say "fresh" bc.

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I googled condom shelf life, and an article said a man's back pocket or wallet is the worst place to carry them because the body heat and humidity can break them down. I would amend my statement to say "fresh" bc.

I believe this could've contributed to my teenage pregnancy. I don't buy condoms that aren't sealed in a box that I scrutinize either. I found out that it's too easy to puncture a condom through the plastic (or whatever they wrap it in) and too hard to tell it was punctured.

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I had used birth control for many years. (10 I think.) And when I committed adultery I used no birth control. Why? Because I didn't think that I had planned on having sex. I think that factors in more than anything.

 

Okay, I see this was already said. I posted to the OP before reading the rest.

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The things is, condoms can fail even when used properly. I had all the confidence in the world in condoms, thanks to my sex-ed teacher I knew how to put them on (so did my partner). We still got pregnant.

 

I do not believe that instilling confidence and teaching until they can do it in the dark is a great solution, and I KNOW it doesn't protect them 100%. We can blame teen pregnancies on bc, but not all teen pregnancies are from heat of the moment stupidity. Some are simply because the bc method failed. That has to be mentioned. That possibility MUST be put infront of teens and not covered over with bc methods and how great they are.

 

So it's a comprehensive, holistic approach. Give them love, give them support, give them information, give them education...and then scare the heck out of them. I've got some great pictures I've saved from their births. They should come in handy in a few years.

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So it's a comprehensive, holistic approach. Give them love, give them support, give them information, give them education...and then scare the heck out of them. I've got some great pictures I've saved from their births. They should come in handy in a few years.

 

And believe me, I'll be having conversations with boyfriends and girlfriends too.

 

Sounds good to me. Boyfriends, girlfriends definetly.

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I will tell DD about birth control methods. I will also tell her that they don't always work as advertised.

 

I have proof. My daughter is a birth control baby. Two methods! I was on the pill and we used a condom. And we were only together ONE TIME. I like to think instead of the birth control failing, God succeeded, because he obviously meant for her to be here!

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Guest Dulcimeramy
So it's a comprehensive, holistic approach. Give them love, give them support, give them information, give them education...and then scare the heck out of them. I've got some great pictures I've saved from their births. They should come in handy in a few years.

 

:lol:

 

I do try to sprinkle in talk of both romance and reality. We're kinda earthy here, and I hope that keepin' it real about the good AND bad will help them see that, whatever they decide, this is adult territory.

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I googled condom shelf life, and an article said a man's back pocket or wallet is the worst place to carry them because the body heat and humidity can break them down. I would amend my statement to say "fresh" bc.

You know what's nearly insane? You could've just saved yourself from becoming a grandmother with that search.

 

Really, think about that. One simple little nugget of info and it could've meant the difference between sending your ds out THINKING he was prepared, when he was practically unarmed.

 

That's scary.

 

I mean, imagine all the useless condoms that responsible kids are carrying around at this moment.

So it's a comprehensive, holistic approach. Give them love, give them support, give them information, give them education...and then scare the heck out of them. I've got some great pictures I've saved from their births. They should come in handy in a few years.

Oh, dd knows what some stds look like. Especially those yummy ones that get passed around even with condom usage. The ones you would need to take a look to avoid.

 

I've told dd that until she and her partner are willing to give each other exams they shouldn't even consider breaking the clothes barrier. Then I showed her why. Yet another reason I like the internet.

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Especially those yummy ones that get passed around even with condom usage

 

And those STD's would be ???

warts and herpes. Any STDS that can occur around the genitals and not just inside them. Oh and the stuff that kids are starting to get in their throats, those too.

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My mom always thought she could keep my sister and I busy with tons of extracurricular activities, we wouldn't have time to get pregnant. I don't know if she had any specific talks with my older sister or not. But my sister became pregnant at 15, married and a mother at age 16. (Still married 30 years later, though it has been rocky at times.)

What my mom didn't take into account was my sister WANTING to get pregnant. My parents were in the middle of a divorce and my sister wanted a way out of their drama - she saw getting married and moving out as her ticket.

 

I personally don't see a lot of people talking about how to prevent teen pregnancies when teens want to get pregnant!

 

My sister has been active in her community, working with teenage mothers. She has always been extremely vocal and up-front with her own children about the challenges she faced as a young mother. Her own daughter became a unwed mother at age 17. I know my sister said for a long time that if anyone could have prevented a teen daughter from getting pregnant, she thought it was her - she was so open with her daughter, her daughter knew all the info about bc, knew the consequences of choices, etc.

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Honestly, I was ok with the idea of getting pregnant. My boyfriend and I had talked about it and we figured if it happened, things would work out. A lot of it though, was wanting to be treated like an adult. I had this whole plan mapped out with my guidance counselor to graduate high school a year early and when my parents wouldn't agree to it, I think I went "Screw it, nevermind about high school then." They were really stuck on the idea of going to high school for four years. I really felt trapped, stuck going to a school where I was bored and living at home and being treated like a child. I wanted to move out.

 

For my own children, I will be encouraging them to wait until they're married, but educating them about birth control.

Edited by phathui5
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ETA: Okay I think I confused my point by discussing high school and did/did not bother to use it part. What I guess I really want to know is, if you are in the "Not before marriage" camp or in the "My child will NEVER do that, WE (their parents) don't believe in it!" are you still educating your child about bc IN CASE they they do? What if it does become a moment beyond what they had planned? What if hormones and or stupidity take over? Would they know how to protect them selves from pregnancy and stds?

 

I have not read all the replies.

 

This is one thing I don't like about the "purity" movement. The kids may even themselves believe they will not have s*x before marriage, but they still get themselves into situations where they get carried away.

 

I asked my friend, who got pg at 19, why she didn't go on the pill or use b/c. She grimaced and said, "Because then you're really doing it!" I said, "But you really were!" She said, "Yeah, but...well, I really did want to wait until I was married..." It was the pre-meditated aspect of b/c. She couldn't use b/c because then she would be admitting she is planning to continue the sin. Add that to a little teen immaturity and you have something close to a guarantee of pregnancy.

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I think that's the point. Teens who are dating or in relationships should carry bc. My husband jokes about carrying a condom around in his wallet for years. It didn't entice him into having sex; it was there if he needed it. He eventually threw it away because it was so old. :001_smile:

 

I carried around with me, just in case. In fact, when I decided to start a sexual relationship I went on the pill.

 

Laura

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Oh, dd knows what some stds look like. Especially those yummy ones that get passed around even with condom usage. The ones you would need to take a look to avoid.

 

I've told dd that until she and her partner are willing to give each other exams they shouldn't even consider breaking the clothes barrier. Then I showed her why. Yet another reason I like the internet.

 

Now that's a great idea. I'm not quite at that point, but I'll put that little nugget of advice away for safe keeping.

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So is it birth control failure, or misuse? Just asking.

Lol, I think that's something you'd have to ask each individual and my money's on, most would say failure.

 

Really, Mejane just found out that carrying a condom in your wallet is the worst place for it. I didn't know that, I just didn't trust the foil they come in to keep it safe or the carrier to remember to check the expiration date. Would that be considered "misuse" or "failure?" In the eye of the beholder, I think they'd put that as a "fail," but manufacturers would (of course) call it misuse.

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Some posters have acknowledged that they consider it worse to have premarital sex (using birth control) than to have premarital sex AND have an unplanned teen pregnancy. Clearly those parents ARE planning for their children to conceive early outside of marriage, because to them it's a better outcome than planning to go to college, make career plans, THEN marry and have children that are planned, wanted and provided for (by their own parents), IF those plans mean the young adult might have premarital sex.

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Mejane just found out that carrying a condom in your wallet is the worst place for it

 

I've known that for ages. I thought about sabotaging them this way when dh didn't want to have another baby. :tongue_smilie:

 

The thing about condom-on-a-banana is always kind of baffling to me. How could anyone possibly fail to understand how a condom goes on? :confused: This would be the extent of my instruction: "It goes over the man's erect p****." Education completed.

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I've known that for ages. I thought about sabotaging them this way when dh didn't want to have another baby. :tongue_smilie:

 

The thing about condom-on-a-banana is always kind of baffling to me. How could anyone possibly fail to understand how a condom goes on? :confused: This would be the extent of my instruction: "It goes over the man's erect p****." Education completed.

Tips that I've bantered around in dd's presence...... Do not open the foil with your teeth (DUH!). Make sure you have it right side up (not as much a DUH as one might think). Make sure you got the right size. Wrong size and call everything off. Pinch the end, air bubbles can be bad.

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Some posters have acknowledged that they consider it worse to have premarital sex (using birth control) than to have premarital sex AND have an unplanned teen pregnancy. Clearly those parents ARE planning for their children to conceive early outside of marriage, because to them it's a better outcome than planning to go to college, make career plans, THEN marry and have children that are planned, wanted and provided for (by their own parents), IF those plans mean the young adult might have premarital sex.

 

I might be slow today or something, but I'm not quite sure I get what you are saying here. Who said they "plan for their children to conceive outside of marriage"?

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I've known that for ages. I thought about sabotaging them this way when dh didn't want to have another baby. :tongue_smilie:

 

The thing about condom-on-a-banana is always kind of baffling to me. How could anyone possibly fail to understand how a condom goes on? :confused: This would be the extent of my instruction: "It goes over the man's erect p****." Education completed.

 

 

Not correct. It does go on the erect penis, but you have to leave some room at the tip to collect the semen. If you don't, you risk a rupture or backwash outside the condom.

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I knew all about bc and just didn't use it. I sat through health class after health class about STDs. I knew how it worked, how to use it, how to get it. In the end, I just didn't care. I had a messed up life - trust me. If what was going then was going on now, he would be in jail (statutory rape) and so would my mother (child neglect.)

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I know we are in the minority (even among Catholics) but we believe both the premarital s*x and the birth control use are pretty seriously sinful. I *hope* to be able to tell my girls the myriad reasons why our church teaches what it does -- to explain it well enough that they believe it too. Also about not putting themselves in situations that will lead to problems. They can choose to go against it, but I feel MY job is to teach them not to.

 

I'm with one of the posters above, if a child is so "out of control" in the heat of the moment, they're not likely to reach for birth control...if they are thinking that much, they are not *that* in the moment and can think about stopping. They're making a conscious choice. Choices have consequences.

 

Totally, absolutely agree with you.

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Some posters have acknowledged that they consider it worse to have premarital sex (using birth control) than to have premarital sex AND have an unplanned teen pregnancy. Clearly those parents ARE planning for their children to conceive early outside of marriage, because to them it's a better outcome than planning to go to college, make career plans, THEN marry and have children that are planned, wanted and provided for (by their own parents), IF those plans mean the young adult might have premarital sex.

 

You are assuming that teens get pregnant because they don't know any better or don't have access to bc.

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Not correct. It does go on the erect penis, but you have to leave some room at the tip to collect the semen. If you don't, you risk a rupture or backwash outside the condom.

 

Thanks for pointing out this important fact. My high-school boyfriend knew that information and I guess it contributed to our 100% bc success rate.

 

I think this info is on the packaging somewhere. I've always liked guys who were able to read instructions and chose to!

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I got pregnant at 19. I wasn't using birth control b/c I assumed not having a period for about 5 months meant I was not ovulating. Apparently, we had really bad timing.

The second unplanned pregnancy, we were 21, used condoms correctly, and it simply failed.

I will teach my children to wait for marriage (using my own story as an example of what happens when you don't) - then I will teach them about bc & STDs. Right now syphilis rates are soaring in our area - scary stuff! I hope they are much more afraid of getting an incurable disease than having a baby.

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Boy, girl. Both know about bc. Both know that they need to show responsibility in their behavior when they reach an age to be out of the house and more independent. Both know that I will be monitoring them HEAVILY until then to assist them in never having the opportunity to behave stupidly. I have told them that their brains are still developing during adolescence and even into early adulthood. Supervision is a sign of caring in our house.

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Some posters have acknowledged that they consider it worse to have premarital sex (using birth control) than to have premarital sex AND have an unplanned teen pregnancy. Clearly those parents ARE planning for their children to conceive early outside of marriage, because to them it's a better outcome than planning to go to college, make career plans, THEN marry and have children that are planned, wanted and provided for (by their own parents), IF those plans mean the young adult might have premarital sex.

 

Uhhhh, no.

 

What a shallow and ugly interpretation of what parents' desires and plans are for their children just because they emphasize restraint over condoms.

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Uhhhh, no.

 

What a shallow and ugly interpretation of what parents' desires and plans are for their children just because they emphasize restraint over condoms.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one who read that post that way. I tried giving the poster the benefit of the doubt, but no matter how many times I read it, it just sounded really ugly.

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I know we are in the minority (even among Catholics) but we believe both the premarital s*x and the birth control use are pretty seriously sinful. I *hope* to be able to tell my girls the myriad reasons why our church teaches what it does -- to explain it well enough that they believe it too. Also about not putting themselves in situations that will lead to problems. They can choose to go against it, but I feel MY job is to teach them not to.

 

I'm with one of the posters above, if a child is so "out of control" in the heat of the moment, they're not likely to reach for birth control...if they are thinking that much, they are not *that* in the moment and can think about stopping. They're making a conscious choice. Choices have consequences.

I'm Catholic and would support you 100% with this. We plan on doing something very similar when dd gets just a bit older. Even if we were not a devote Catholic family I would warn dd of the evils of artificial hormonal BC. I think that is the cause of a lot of the infertility problems that seem to run in my family since the 60s.

Totally, absolutely agree with you.

We should start a club

You are assuming that teens get pregnant because they don't know any better or don't have access to bc.

I don't know how many times I've heard about the teen getting pregnant on purpose so they have someone to love and to love them. I find that so incredibly sad that the parents of these girls do not provide the love and security they need.

 

I'm working very very hard to make sure dd never feels that kind loneliness.

Uhhhh, no.

 

What a shallow and ugly interpretation of what parents' desires and plans are for their children just because they emphasize restraint over condoms.

:hurray: (the closest thing I could find to an applause smiley.)

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I think this info is on the packaging somewhere.

 

Yeah, I think it is on the package. I knew that, too, though I never had a lesson with a cucumber. :001_rolleyes: And also, that the condom needs to be in place before any contact occurs, and blah, blah, blah. I'm just saying...I don't think explicit lessons in condom-placement are the big deciding factor as to how many young unwed people get pregnant. Seriously. They're pretty self-evident even if you didn't read the instructions.

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Not correct. It does go on the erect penis, but you have to leave some room at the tip to collect the semen. If you don't, you risk a rupture or backwash outside the condom.

Right. Always pinch the tip (and size does matter).

I'm glad I'm not the only one who read that post that way. I tried giving the poster the benefit of the doubt, but no matter how many times I read it, it just sounded really ugly.

:iagree: I did, but didn't want to touch it with a ten foot pole.

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Some posters have acknowledged that they consider it worse to have premarital sex (using birth control) than to have premarital sex AND have an unplanned teen pregnancy. Clearly those parents ARE planning for their children to conceive early outside of marriage, because to them it's a better outcome than planning to go to college, make career plans, THEN marry and have children that are planned, wanted and provided for (by their own parents), IF those plans mean the young adult might have premarital sex.

 

It doesn't appear you've ready many posts in this thread. :glare:

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Uhhhh, no.

 

What a shallow and ugly interpretation of what parents' desires and plans are for their children just because they emphasize restraint over condoms.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one who read that post that way. I tried giving the poster the benefit of the doubt, but no matter how many times I read it, it just sounded really ugly.

 

I was confused about that post as well. I didn't want to reply for fear that I interpretted her incorrectly. Was she saying that parents/posters WANT their kids to get pregnant simple b/c we are teaching them about b/c? Am I reading that right? Oh gosh I hope not b/c that's horrible to think that parents such as ourselves that spend so much time on which grammar book to use would be so ignorant about what our kids have to face in this day and age. Ya know?

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I was confused about that post as well. I didn't want to reply for fear that I interpretted her incorrectly. Was she saying that parents/posters WANT their kids to get pregnant simple b/c we are teaching them about b/c? Am I reading that right? Oh gosh I hope not b/c that's horrible to think that parents such as ourselves that spend so much time on which grammar book to use would be so ignorant about what our kids have to face in this day and age. Ya know?

Actually it sounded like she thought that parents were NOT teaching their children about birth control so they COULD get pregnant and skip all the difficulties of college &tc.

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I knew all about bc and just didn't use it. I sat through health class after health class about STDs. I knew how it worked, how to use it, how to get it. In the end, I just didn't care. I had a messed up life - trust me. If what was going then was going on now, he would be in jail (statutory rape) and so would my mother (child neglect.)

 

That's incredibly sad. I think another important thing to instill in your teen is self esteem and be watching for depression or withdrawal. I graduated high school in a class of 300. I know a dozen girls that got pregnant before graduation, several receiving diplomas very pregnant. In that group of girls, almost all had a problem at home, a problem with drugs or alcohol, or just seemed to have self esteem or depression issues. Some very intentionally got pregnant to escape situations. It can happen to any teen, but there are definitely risk factors.

 

I went to a high achieving technical school for college. I don't know one young woman who got pregnant in college.

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My story: I had sex as a late teen and was the last of my peer group (I was 17). I used protection and acquired "greater" protection when I assumed sex was going to be more frequent (condoms to the pill). My mom's lessons on the subject in earlier years included little more than "wait until you were married".

 

My perspective now as a mother of 2 teen boys and a teen girl: I want my kids to wait for a full (college, technical or trade school, military) education before marriage. I doubt very seriously they will wait until after *that* to have sex. Personally, I don't believe God designed our hearts and bodies to wait until mid 20's to enjoy intimacy.

 

I am not a proponent of early or accelerated sex. There are many reasons to not "go there"; both secular and (Christian) scriptural.

 

But I have told each of them I will help them to the ends of the earth to get birth control if they become sexually active as minors. And that I'd be there for them as the navigate the complex roads of relationships.

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Actually it sounded like she thought that parents were NOT teaching their children about birth control so they COULD get pregnant and skip all the difficulties of college &tc.

 

I thought she was referring to people who have said they believe it is a worse sin to use birth control than it is to have sex outside of marriage. I have read that in other threads - not this one. I could be wrong, though.

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Actually it sounded like she thought that parents were NOT teaching their children about birth control so they COULD get pregnant and skip all the difficulties of college &tc.

 

OK, see I did misinterpret. Gee either way it sounds pretty bad. She doesn't think to highly of people, how unfortunate.

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I have used protection very few times in my life. It isn't that I didn't know. This was an ongoing discussion in my school, residential center, and home. I seriously doubt many pregnancies is because kids don't know bc exists.

 

As for when I got pregnant. I had vowed a "second virginity" of sorts. My best friend and I were not prepared to have sex. It was a spur of the moment poor choice (btw, his first time). We decided, after that, that we weren't ready and to not do so again. The pregnancy test was positive just a couple weeks later.

 

I think it odd that people think there needs to be a long drawn out discussion about bc though. I jokingly, when I saw the thread, said, "hey y'all, you know, bc prevents pregnancy." One kid says, "uhhh, yeah." The other replies, "hey mom, you know, bc can fail and people can get pregnant even if they use it."

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I thought she was referring to people who have said they believe it is a worse sin to use birth control than it is to have sex outside of marriage. I have read that in other threads - not this one. I could be wrong, though.

 

O for the love of Pete, I got it wrong again!!!

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I thought she was referring to people who have said they believe it is a worse sin to use birth control than it is to have sex outside of marriage.

Some posters have acknowledged that they consider it worse to have premarital sex (using birth control) than to have premarital sex AND have an unplanned teen pregnancy. Blahbidyblah

I have read that in other threads - not this one. I could be wrong, though.

Nope, it was a dig at the abstinence only crowd. Those viscious cruel people that expect their children to live up to high standards, but must be secretly plotting a terrible future for their children. (Please note, that last sentence was dripping in sarcasm).

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Nope, it was a dig at the abstinence only crowd. Those viscious cruel people that expect their children to live up to high standards, but must be secretly plotting a terrible future for their children. (Please note, that last sentence was dripping in sarcasm).

 

But ya know, that's exactly how her post came across! That's why I kept rereading it. I just can't believe some people think that way.

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But ya know, that's exactly how her post came across! That's why I kept rereading it. I just can't believe some people think that way.

You sneak! You changed your pic (or I'm still terribly unobservant).

 

Yes, that's exactly how her post came across and I avoided biting until now......... Well, that's a record for me anyway :p

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