But what about birth control?

[Murphy101]

Who says it has anything to do with how comfy a person is with their body? Maybe they are the type who thrives on compliments and their body is as good a topic as any to compliment on. It's handy, after all. The one thing common to all face to face conversations is the bodies that are conversing.

 

:)

Rosie

 

Why sure, I can get that some people are like that.:)

 

But conversely why does NOT being that way mean someone is sex phobic in some way?:001_huh:

[Rosie_0801]

But conversely why does NOT being that way mean someone is sex phobic in some way?:001_huh:

 

What if one person calls such behaviours sex phobic and another person calls the exact same things being modest? It's all relative. By some people on this thread's standards, I'm a smidge too immodest, but I'm the biggest prude I know! What is bad about "sex with a person I'm not married to" phobia? It might have a bad sounding connotation, but you don't have to take the connotation if you don't want to. We all "know" a prude is a bad thing to be, but I am a bit prudish and think it is quite good for me to be this way. Anyway, as we've seen on this thread, what constitutes suggestive behaviour in some circles isn't in others. If "Hey babe, you're looking good" is a standard greeting in a group of friends, no one is going to interpret it as anything other than a standard greeting on par with "Hi, how's things?" Skinny dipping in a nudist colony doesn't mean anything except the people felt like swimming. It's all about context, I think, and what kind of contexts we are comfortable with.

 

:)

Rosie

[Lovedtodeath]

Rosie, always the voice of reason.:001_wub:

[Rosie_0801]

Watch your emoticons, Lady. They're getting a bit familiar. :glare:

 

 

:tongue_smilie:

[Lovedtodeath]

LOL! That was not a sexual smiley. Just to be clear.

[lionfamily1999]

It's not just the physical act of sex, it's the spiritual and emotional implications of it. Sex is not just friction and togetherness, there are emotional/spiritual aspects as well. Worse, imo, beyond the physical effects of sex (stds/pregnancy) would be having children that felt nothing beyond the physical. I know people that see sex as tantamount to a work out that "climaxes" pleasurably. I don't want my kids to have that same view. If that's all they want, they can make tea alone, iykwIm.

Huh? What are you debating? You seem quite convicted that food is desirable. :D

 

Rosie

:lol: For my taste buds, not so much my body ;)

In the case of sex, don't go in the kitchen at all if you know you don't want to get hot.;)

:lol: Best quote ever.

[vonfirmath]

You know something else I wondered? If my daughter gets married at 17, do I suddenly decide not to pay the same amount that I otherwise would have for her college? It seems society does work that way. Why? Why can't I send her to college married?

 

When I went to college at 26, I was out of the house, living on my own, etc (although single). And my parents didn't pay any part of it -- nor would I have expected them to. I was an adult, on my own.

 

Getting married really is a lot of the same. You are declaring yourself an adult and on your own in the new family with new priorities. Your parents can choose to help you any way they wish. But your parents are no longer your primary family.

[Lovedtodeath]

I understand that. I am questioning the value of that outlook. ;)

[naturegirl7]

"Sex is not like murder. It is not like stealing extra cookies either. Both of those things hurt other people (one much less than the other, though I am pretty upset when I find there are none left for me). Sex brings joy to two individuals for a short amount of time. It is much more like kayaking than murder: risky, but mostly fun. So, yes, if shooting people did nothing worse than worry me and the daddio, I would give my kid a silencer just in case. Just as I'd give them a life jacket for that kayak."

 

:iagree:

 

I understand that other people have different convictions about the proper time and place for sexual relations. My conviction is, there are risks, you can get hurt, but seeing as that's true of every important decision my kids will ever make, my focus will be on counseling them to make decisions that maximize opportunties for joy and mimize opportunties for pain. If one or all of them decide that early marriage or an extended period of chastity is their ideal scenario, then hooray.

 

And to continue with the metaphor game... my kids are not allowed to take stuff off the kitchen counter without asking (cookies or anything else), but yes, we own a stool and yes, they have been taught how to use it properly. Why would I want to set up a situation where I might have to deal with pilfered cookies AND a fall onto the hard kitchen floor? I may not HAND them the stool with which to pilfer the cookies, but it's in the house. They have free access to it. Just like they'll have free access to bc when the time comes that they might have need of it (right now, they'd just be making really pricey water balloons, so we don't have any on hand ;)).

 

 

I love both of these examples! So well said!

[lionfamily1999]

When I went to college at 26, I was out of the house, living on my own, etc (although single). And my parents didn't pay any part of it -- nor would I have expected them to. I was an adult, on my own.

 

Getting married really is a lot of the same. You are declaring yourself an adult and on your own in the new family with new priorities. Your parents can choose to help you any way they wish. But your parents are no longer your primary family.

So, in many opinions, is having sex. Or having a child (in wedlock or out).

 

If getting married means you're an adult, having children means you're an adult, having sex means you are an adult, then why is it only in cases of marraige that so many people think cutting the strings is alright?

[Sara R]

Sex brings joy to two individuals for a short amount of time. It is much more like kayaking than murder: risky, but mostly fun.

 

It's important to remember that sex is about more than 2 individuals. It's also about the people that the act creates, who are harmed if they are born into a situation where both parents are not committed to parent them. Birth control reduces but does not eliminate the risk of babies.

[lionfamily1999]

It's important to remember that sex is about more than 2 individuals. It's also about the people that the act creates, who are harmed if they are born into a situation where both parents are not committed to parent them. Birth control reduces but does not eliminate the risk of babies.

That and.......... if you kayak until you become oblivious to the adrenaline rush (or whatever it is that people like about kayaking besides the exercise) that's one thing. If you have so many partners that sex stops being an emotional connection, that's a tragedy.

[naturegirl7]

I wouldn't ask a friend about my books not for reasons of modesty or supposed virtue, but simply bc her opinion of my books are not important to me. I am happy with my books and my dh is happy with my books. No other opinions needed or likely to be appreciated, tyvm.

 

To me the simple suggestion that teens, people in general, be more aware of where a situation might lead them is practical common sense. It boils down to going one step further than the saying of getting out of the kitchen if you can't take the heat. In the case of sex, don't go in the kitchen at all if you know you don't want to get hot.;)

 

 

First - why do some many people refer to the girlies as "books"? It took me a bit to figure out what you were all talking about! LOL

Is the word breast not allowed? And if so WHY?? :confused: That is a totally new spin off though...

 

I do agree that we need to be proactive - if you don't want to do drugs, don't go to a party where you know drugs will be served. You don't want to have sex, don't put yourself into a situation that provides ample opportunity. Don't do anything (like drinking or doing drugs) that might alter your ablility to make important decisions. Etc.

 

But that proactiveness should extend to having good, solid knowledge about BC. Perhaps not handing your kid a bag of condoms. But atleast arm them with the knowledge of what BC is available, why it is important to use it (I could stand on a soapbox for ever on this one - STDs!!!!!) and how to get BC if they want/need it.

 

You wouldn't send your child into the kitchen with the oven blazing and not tell them that they could get burnt AND how to keep from getting burnt.

"don't touch the stove"

"why not?"

"cuz I am the adult and I said so" or "Cuz I know you will get hurt"

Well, it doesn't work for toddlers, it sure isn't going to work for teens either! teach they how and why they'll be burnt and how to move safely in the kitchen while the oven is on.

 

We need ALL the information before we can truly make up our minds. Kids are no different - and they deserve ALL the facts. It is not just about sex outside of marriage or the chance of getting pregnant. Lack of knowledge and access to BC can result in your child contracting a disease! Perhaps even a life threatening disease!!

 

You are not giving your kids true free will/choice if you deny them the important information regarding safe sex. You may not want them to have sex - but if they decide to have it, they are going to have it. Then you just have to hope that it happens in a safe way - a way that prevents them from getting a STD or getting pregnant. But bottom line - knowledge is power.

[dtonito3]

I'm a "no sex until marraige" person now but I wasn't always..... in fact I thought that birth control was great and right up as important as the latest fad.... I couldn't understand why so many were opposed to something that could let you do as you want without the consequences. Now I'm opposed to it becaseu of scinetifically documented effects on the female body which happen to also support my spiritual beliefs. But back in the day, my friends were having sex andknew all about bc. They just told me they didn't thinkit would havppen to them....

 

 

I think it is less with birth control and more with self- control or lack of since virtues are no longer practiced much in our current day with most things being easy gratification....just think how many times we think the microwave is taking too long....

just food for thought

[Ginevra]

I cannot believe this thread is still alive!:lurk5:

[Impish]

I actually read all 32 pages. Wow.

 

I wanted to give a different perspective.

 

My parents gave us s*x ed. I mean, allllll the details, except actual demonstrations.

 

At no time was I ever taught about respecting myself, or that I could say no. No guidance at all was given in terms of limits. The attitude was, "You're going to do it, so..."

 

I had no clue what was right, appropriate. None. Just what to do when.

 

I'm raising my children as my past being a cautionary tale. I don't want for them what I experienced. And yes, its centred around abstinence. Absolutely.

 

I do believe that having partners before marriage robs you and your spouse of what could have, should have been.

 

Birth control will be discussed, just as we discuss all human biology. But the emphasis will always be on what premarital s*x costs...in terms of emotion, risk, loss. That loving someone means respect, and anyone that loves them will respect them enough to wait.

 

I have no issue with young marriage, if that's what my kids choose. I see no reason why it should interfere with secondary education.

 

With HIV, Hep C, premarital s*x isn't just a risk that can be cured by antibiotics, and the most serious consequence isn't a baby. I don't want my kids dying because their hormones got the better of them.

 

I realize ppl have posted about getting tested prior to intimacy, but if teens can't be trusted to slip on a condom, how many do you think are actually going to be cool enough to wait for the test results? Far better to arm them against getting into the situation than what to do once there, imo.

 

Teens aren't helpless slaves to their hormones. If they're making the decision to have s*x, then their making adult decisions, ones with serious consequences. I've told Diva many times, that unless she's ready to be a mother, she has no business having s*x. And yes, she will be as supervised as possible, and we will do our utmost to ensure that she knows what to avoid and how. And to respect herself enough to wait.

 

I regret, more than I can say, my experiences as a teen. I will do everything in my power to see that my children don't walk the path I did.

[Murphy101]

:iagree: with impish.

 

And I HATE the term safe sex.

 

There is no such thing. At best, there's possibly safer sex.

 

Sure you can reduce the risk, but the fact that they reduced the risk is small to zero comfort to those that still got pregnant or an STD.

 

To me advocating for safer sex is like advocating for safer drugs. Yet no one is discussing how to find a reputable supplier and how to choose the best method of getting high to suit their needs because if they want drugs they're going to do it so we might as well give them all their choices.

 

Of course I say no one is discussing it, but I'm bet there is indeed some less than yahoo who would somewhere.

[Mimm]

Just a question that doesn't have a ton to do with the topics of this thread, but why are people masking the word sex? (Like, s*x.) The site obviously doesn't have an issue with the word since lots of people have used it in this and other threads. It makes me feel like they think it's a "dirty" word or something they shouldn't really say, like masking a swear word. Am I reading this wrong? If you're masking the word sex, why?

 

Edit: Oh and while I'm here with the questions, what in the world does TEA stand for? I get that it's some kind of euphemism for sex, but can't for the life of me figure out how.

Edited July 20, 2010 by Mimm

[Murphy101]

It keeps people search for .. unsavory topics from pulling up this board. It also reduces trolls and spiders for those topics.

 

Tea = intimate relations

 

books = female chest

 

I don't think anyone thinks these are dirty subjects, it's just a way for the board to stay...somewhat family friendly. Oh and some don't necessarily want the kid looking over their shoulder in on the conversation.;)

[jazzyfizzle]

Just a question that doesn't have a ton to do with the topics of this thread, but why are people masking the word sex? (Like, s*x.) The site obviously doesn't have an issue with the word since lots of people have used it in this and other threads. It makes me feel like they think it's a "dirty" word or something they shouldn't really say, like masking a swear word. Am I reading this wrong? If you're masking the word sex, why?

 

Edit: Oh and while I'm here with the questions, what in the world does TEA stand for? I get that it's some kind of euphemism for sex, but can't for the life of me figure out how.

 

 

So that when people type those words into search engines, they do not end up with a link to here, a homeschooling board.

 

 

 

ETA- LOL Martha you beat me to it. :)

[KidsHappen]

Just a question that doesn't have a ton to do with the topics of this thread, but why are people masking the word sex? (Like, s*x.) The site obviously doesn't have an issue with the word since lots of people have used it in this and other threads. It makes me feel like they think it's a "dirty" word or something they shouldn't really say, like masking a swear word. Am I reading this wrong? If you're masking the word sex, why?

 

Edit: Oh and while I'm here with the questions, what in the world does TEA stand for? I get that it's some kind of euphemism for sex, but can't for the life of me figure out how.

 

The word is disguised so that it doesn't come up in a search for someone looking for that sort of thing. The teA reference came from an analogy in a discussion we had regarding personal matters about two years ago. I have a link but I warn you the thread is at least as long as this one.

[Mimm]

But plenty of people have already typed the word here in this thread. Seems a little pointless to try to avoid it now. And if I were looking for something juicy to read, this thread wouldn't be it. :)

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

But plenty of people have already typed the word here in this thread. Seems a little pointless to try to avoid it now. And if I were looking for something juicy to read, this thread wouldn't be it. :)

 

it all boils down to different strokes for different folks. Some are more comfortable seeing technical or anatomical terms in print than others, for whatever (or various) reason/s.

[hornblower]

 

To me advocating for safer sex is like advocating for safer drugs. Yet no one is discussing how to find a reputable supplier and how to choose the best method of getting high to suit their needs because if they want drugs they're going to do it so we might as well give them all their choices.

 

Of course I say no one is discussing it, but I'm bet there is indeed some less than yahoo who would somewhere.

 

Not quite the same but Vancouver does have a harm reduction program & we have a safe injection site. Addicts can inject under the supervision of nurses & clean equipment is provided.

 

They provide other services - counselling, support workers, treatment space, referral to transitional housing etc. BUT, the frontline service is a safe space to inject illegal drugs (drugs are not supplied btw. But we do have medical methadone programs where drugs are supplied to recovering heroin addicts...)

 

I think 'harm reduction' is one way of looking at contraceptives as well.

[charmama4]

.I was trying to start a new thread, please excuse this and my lack of coffee this morning, UGH!!!!

Edited July 20, 2010 by charmama4

[justamouse]

:confused: I know this wasn't directed at me, but you seem contradictory to me.

 

I certainly don't see sex in everything. That was partly my reason for saying I have no clue what you are getting at with your previous examples of interaction among people in lockers and such. To me those are not related to sex, yet you seem to think they are or at least can be. A person comfortable with their body does not need to ask friends how the books are hanging or feel compelled to comment on how hot a friend looks, naked or otherwise.

 

If anything you seem to see sex everywhere and lack confidence in physical appearance.:001_huh: (not saying that IS the case. Because I don't know you IRL. Just saying your views and examples here contradict to ME)

 

I wouldn't ask a friend about my books not for reasons of modesty or supposed virtue, but simply bc her opinion of my books are not important to me. I am happy with my books and my dh is happy with my books. No other opinions needed or likely to be appreciated, tyvm.

 

To me the simple suggestion that teens, people in general, be more aware of where a situation might lead them is practical common sense. It boils down to going one step further than the saying of getting out of the kitchen if you can't take the heat. In the case of sex, don't go in the kitchen at all if you know you don't want to get hot.;)

 

That wasn't me who said that.

 

I go bra and panty shopping with my girlfriends and their daughters. We shop together, it's how we have fun (we also dumpster dive, but that's a whole nuther topic). I sew stuff for the girls. This talking about fit and cleavage is life. If you think that I am saying those sitations are talking about having/leading to sex, then you need to reread my posts. I walk around my suite naked. Kids walk in, I don't hide myself, and I tell them all the time thier bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. I don't lack in confidence, believe me. I think you're misreading my posts which very well could be since you thought I was another poster. If everything is sexualized, then everything is about sex. You've bought what the media has sold you. If you see the devil in everything...

 

My MIL used to yell "shameshame" when she saw one of my toddlers naked. My anger with that knew no bounds. My next door neighbor was an immigrant and when I asked her if she minded my kids running outside in the sprinkler naked, she laughed, saying we Americans were too preoccupied with our bodies. She was right.

 

Great book, http://www.sexliesandreligion.com/

 

He's an incredible Christian, and you may be able to find him talking on youtube. Of course some of you may thing he's a false Christian, and a wolf, or someone who uses soap...

[naturegirl7]

 

Sure you can reduce the risk, but the fact that they reduced the risk is small to zero comfort to those that still got pregnant or an STD.

 

To me advocating for safer sex is like advocating for safer drugs. Yet no one is discussing how to find a reputable supplier and how to choose the best method of getting high to suit their needs because if they want drugs they're going to do it so we might as well give them all their choices.

 

 

I also advocate for safer drug programs. :D

 

I think that legalized and regulating Marijuana would be a great idea - it has serious medical benefits for one. But just the legalization of it - well that means we can control how it is grown, make sure it isn't being laced with other drugs or things like rat poison. We can make it much safer, take away the rebellious glamour of it, use it for medical purposes, AND we can tax the hell out of it.

I also think that methadone clinics should be more widely available. The addicts are getting counseling in addition to a safer drug. They are not having to steal or sell themselves - which translates to a safer community. Also they are being given clean needles, which decreases the risk for disease like HIV and Hep dramatically. Also it provides a means of disposing of used needles - both old, shared ones and the fresh new ones they use there - which means no children finding tainted needles or being accidentally stuck on the playground.

 

Those are all things that make sense to me.

[Sara R]

Just a question that doesn't have a ton to do with the topics of this thread, but why are people masking the word sex? (Like, s*x.) The site obviously doesn't have an issue with the word since lots of people have used it in this and other threads. It makes me feel like they think it's a "dirty" word or something they shouldn't really say, like masking a swear word. Am I reading this wrong? If you're masking the word sex, why?

 

Edit: Oh and while I'm here with the questions, what in the world does TEA stand for? I get that it's some kind of euphemism for sex, but can't for the life of me figure out how.

 

Inside board jokes. Books goes back to a hilarious typo on the old board. Tea, like a PP said, goes back to a metaphor Doran (?) posted on a thread here a couple of years ago.

 

ETA: Now I remember. Elaine posted about her big order to Christian Boob and how she wasn't sure if her husbank would approve. Or something like that.

Edited July 20, 2010 by Sara R

[naturegirl7]

That wasn't me who said that.

 

I go bra and panty shopping with my girlfriends and their daughters. We shop together, it's how we have fun (we also dumpster dive, but that's a whole nuther topic). I sew stuff for the girls. This talking about fit and cleavage is life. If you think that I am saying those sitations are talking about having/leading to sex, then you need to reread my posts. I walk around my suite naked. Kids walk in, I don't hide myself, and I tell them all the time thier bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. I don't lack in confidence, believe me. I think you're misreading my posts which very well could be since you thought I was another poster. If everything is sexualized, then everything is about sex. You've bought what the media has sold you. If you see the devil in everything...

 

My MIL used to yell "shameshame" when she saw one of my toddlers naked. My anger with that knew no bounds. My next door neighbor was an immigrant and when I asked her if she minded my kids running outside in the sprinkler naked, she laughed, saying we Americans were too preoccupied with our bodies. She was right.

 

Great book, http://www.sexliesandreligion.com/

 

He's an incredible Christian, and you may be able to find him talking on youtube. Of course some of you may thing he's a false Christian, and a wolf, or someone who uses soap...

 

 

I agree that there is nothing shameful about hte human body - it is beautiful and amazing. Just think of all the wonderful things that our body can do!

we taught our son that his body is sacred and as such he should respect it, and expect others to respect it - but not that it was shameful in any way. He learned all the correct terms for male and female anatomy - no cuties words here. I hated how my neices didn't have words for their body parts - Where I tinkle from or where I make stinkies (which evolved into bumbum) - all cuz SIL wanted the girls to be modest. Modesty has nothing to do with using correct terminology. There is a big difference between called it a vulva and having it hang out of my shorts or a skirt when I bend over!

 

We don't hide our bodies from our son. He runs around naked ALL the time - even outside in the yard. The family motto has evolved into "company is coming over - time to put clothes on!" Some days it feels like we are running a childrens nudist camp LOL That is the joy of being a child - I wish I could skinny dip in the backyard or strip down at the beach showers too and get the sand out of my booty too :D

[silliness7]

I agree that there is nothing shameful about hte human body - it is beautiful and amazing. Just think of all the wonderful things that our body can do!

we taught our son that his body is sacred and as such he should respect it, and expect others to respect it - but not that it was shameful in any way. He learned all the correct terms for male and female anatomy - no cuties words here. I hated how my neices didn't have words for their body parts - Where I tinkle from or where I make stinkies (which evolved into bumbum) - all cuz SIL wanted the girls to be modest. Modesty has nothing to do with using correct terminology. There is a big difference between called it a vulva and having it hang out of my shorts or a skirt when I bend over!

 

We don't hide our bodies from our son. He runs around naked ALL the time - even outside in the yard. The family motto has evolved into "company is coming over - time to put clothes on!" Some days it feels like we are running a childrens nudist camp LOL That is the joy of being a child - I wish I could skinny dip in the backyard or strip down at the beach showers too and get the sand out of my booty too :D

 

Don't you mean buttocks? ;)

[Smithie]

"To me advocating for safer sex is like advocating for safer drugs. Yet no one is discussing how to find a reputable supplier and how to choose the best method of getting high to suit their needs because if they want drugs they're going to do it so we might as well give them all their choices.

 

Of course I say no one is discussing it, but I'm bet there is indeed some less than yahoo who would somewhere."

 

:seeya:

 

I don't consider myself to be less-than in any way, but the distinction between marijuana and meth is going to be clearly made in this household, as well as the distinction between the inherent risks of an intoxicant that you grow yourself or acquire from a regulated, legal manufacturing industry, versus something you might buy on the street from the kind of person who sells illegal substances on the street. If that is what you define as "advocating for safer drugs," then that's what I plan to do.

 

Again, I'm more than happy if my children decide never to get drunk, high or laid until they married. But I've BTDT, and here I am, a stable happy adult.

 

THAT SAID - I really empathize with the poster who was talking about using her own life as a cautionary tale and really hoping that the things she'd done that brought her pain would not be repeated in the next generation of her family. I feel just as strongly, about other things I did as a teen - just not so much about the fornication. Or the recreational use of alcohol and marijuana. :) The things that have screwed me up, I will counsel my children against. If premarital relationships had caused me pain that I felt was disproportionate to their positive effects on my life, then no doubt I'd be pro-purity.

[Smithie]

(continuing the clothes drift)

 

"The family motto has evolved into "company is coming over - time to put clothes on!""

 

Here, too. We cover up all privates that have celebrated their third birthday when Baptist Aunt comes over. But we roll our eyes a bit when doing it - because the lesson is that a considerate person doesn't show their privates to people who don't want to see them, AND that it's silly to define covering up your privates as The Way God Wants It Done. We don't actually think God has opinions on nudity. But He definitely has opinions on not deliberately making your aunt feel uncomfortable over something as inconsequential as whether or not your privates are showing.

 

When my girls are older, the same principle will apply to the question of how-short-can-my-skirt-be. A considerate person doesn't deliberately make the people around her uncomfortable over something as minor as a clothing choice. The moral issue isn't the flesh showing per se - it's the necessity of doing your part to contribute to a harmonious society. If we are relocated to Micronesia when my girls are teenagers, I won't say a darn word when they head out the door in halter tops and grass skirts - provided that that's the currently prevailing dress code for girls-not-looking-to-start-something.

 

And honestly, the same principle would apply to a person of the opposite gender who'd taken a purity pledge. Would a considerate person who valued social harmony set out to make the kid break his/her pledge? They would not. A considerate person would back right off. I'm horrified by the mention in the other thread of purity rings being a target for would-be seducers.

[Impish]

 

THAT SAID - I really empathize with the poster who was talking about using her own life as a cautionary tale and really hoping that the things she'd done that brought her pain would not be repeated in the next generation of her family. I feel just as strongly, about other things I did as a teen - just not so much about the fornication. Or the recreational use of alcohol and marijuana. :) The things that have screwed me up, I will counsel my children against. If premarital relationships had caused me pain that I felt was disproportionate to their positive effects on my life, then no doubt I'd be pro-purity.

That would be me. Growing up in an anti-religious home was part of it too, not just the 'you're going to have s*x before marriage, so....' There was absolutely no expectation of anything else, if anything, modesty, purity, was mocked. My parents dressed me in painted on jeans, mini skirts, belly tops...the stuff that other girls would have to change into at school and hide, my parents proudly bought for me. My dad referred to a wrap around denim skirt (ankle length) as a 'potato sack' and made fun of me for wearing it. I was bought the same dress for a school dance that my mother's friend was wearing for a company Christmas party.

 

Modesty wasn't even a consideration, of any sort.

 

I'm not dressing my kids in Amish R Us gear, but they're taught to value their bodies, respect them, and about valuing modesty. The world doesn't have the right to see your butt, your cleavage, etc. And virginity isn't a disease to rid yourself of as quickly as possible, its something to be valued, treasured, not squandered or ashamed of.

[Smithie]

It sounds like my household and your household have more in common that your household and your parent's hosuehold, Impish. I'm sorry you weren't better protected. My mother (who is an atheist, BTW) was always the one nixing the belly tops, panyhose, miniskirts, singing of provocative lyrics off the radio etc. It's amazing how much I appreciate that now, even though at the time I thought she was a great big prude. :) She's not, at all. She just thinks that sexxxeee stuff is the purview of people who are old enough to procreate, and acutal procreation is the purview of people who are mentally and emotionally mature enough to transition to the parenting lifestyle.

[Impish]

It sounds like my household and your household have more in common that your household and your parent's hosuehold, Impish. I'm sorry you weren't better protected. My mother (who is an atheist, BTW) was always the one nixing the belly tops, panyhose, miniskirts, singing of provocative lyrics off the radio etc. It's amazing how much I appreciate that now, even though at the time I thought she was a great big prude. :) She's not, at all. She just thinks that sexxxeee stuff is the purview of people who are old enough to procreate, and acutal procreation is the purview of people who are mentally and emotionally mature enough to transition to the parenting lifestyle.

Provocative lyrics...My mother bought me Guns N Roses Appetite For Destruction, my brother got Motley Crue, R.A.T.T....I remember getting a Fisher Price record player, and our parents gave us an AC/DC record to go with it...Watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre with them, rented the Exorcist...

 

Yeah. Absolutely NO guidance on any media at all, what so ever.

[Lovedtodeath]

It sounds like my household and your household have more in common that your household and your parent's hosuehold, Impish. I'm sorry you weren't better protected. My mother (who is an atheist, BTW) was always the one nixing the belly tops, panyhose, miniskirts, singing of provocative lyrics off the radio etc. It's amazing how much I appreciate that now, even though at the time I thought she was a great big prude. :) She's not, at all. She just thinks that sexxxeee stuff is the purview of people who are old enough to procreate, and acutal procreation is the purview of people who are mentally and emotionally mature enough to transition to the parenting lifestyle.

:thumbup1::thumbup1::thumbup1:

[sagira]

Provocative lyrics...My mother bought me Guns N Roses Appetite For Destruction, my brother got Motley Crue, R.A.T.T....I remember getting a Fisher Price record player, and our parents gave us an AC/DC record to go with it...Watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre with them, rented the Exorcist...

 

Yeah. Absolutely NO guidance on any media at all, what so ever.

 

 

Yikes! :001_huh:

 

I had to borrow Appetite for Destruction and record it on a cassette (still a favorite - thankfully hubby has it) and return a CD I was buying with my own money because it said Parental Guidance on it. My parents were rather strict. For the most part, I'm happy about it. Just the right mix of protection and freedom.

 

With regards to birth control, my mom told me, her only child, that if I did get pregnant as a teen she would disown me. She made a big fuss when she found out our dorms at college were coed. Freaked when a friend's mom who was just there to visit and saw me for one day, hinted I may be pregnant because I had a great appetite. Hello, I was born with a great appetite! :angry:

 

That said, she always talked to me, and so did my father. My Dad (may he rest in peace) explained to me desire from a male perspective, and all the tricks he knew of to get girls into bed. My dad used to be a ladies man before he married my mom, so that helped. Both showed me a French book on reproduction with a nudist family and photos that would make an evangelical Christian blush. At 10 years old, I learned all this stuff. In fact, I helped a few terrified peers who menstruated early as their moms never explained anything to them. I thank my parents for that, especially my mom. I married a virgin, but now dh and I (who were both virgins) wonder what all the fuss was about. I'm very cerebral, and besides knowing it in theory, could not mechanically do the deed with dh until two weeks after our wedding, after countless tries in front of a huge mirror LOL. Never felt the need to have sex either, except that is what married people were supposed to do and dh and I were now married. I just don't understand how people can just "do it" or the phrase "one thing led to another". But I sure hope as heck I'll be able to convey to my kids that abstinence before marriage is the most practical, soundest, most logical thing to do. Who wants to worry about pregnancy in high school? College? You can have sex for the rest of your life. Anyway, I'll definitely arm my kids with the knowledge they need (and just one banana or cucumber lesson -- I'm visual -- that really helped when we got it in college), and talk to them at length on how to even prevent situations like that. To always be on alert, on the lookout, and for Pete's sake, in possession of your faculties (no drinking alcohol unless with your parents). Stress abstinence, but don't discount other choices as the children are not me and I have to accept the reality that most people are not as calculating (consequence-wise) and a big picture person like me.

 

BTW, I mean no offense to Christians. I am a Christian myself, as are my parents.

Edited July 20, 2010 by sagira

[LisaKinVA]

We're kind of a mix of various philosophies.

 

I don't buy the mantra that kids' are going to do it anyway, but I do believe in a very comprehensive education.

 

My mother is 60+ and still dresses in a closet...in the dark. Let's just leave all the implications that are going through your mind there (you're probably right...;))

 

None of my children know "everything" yet. My oldest is turning 11. They know what they need to, and know we'll answer their questions without an issue.

 

They know the proper names of their private parts. My older children are developing a need for some privacy -- but not because they feel something is wrong with them...they are simply growing up.

 

My children (out of necessity, as we all share 1 bathroom) know that I bleed once a month. That it is normal, that most girls, when they reach age 11-13 will begin to bleed. It doesn't hurt, and it means that you are becoming a young lady (I started at nearly 14yo...so my girls may be late bloomers too). My oldest son now knows what tampons are (he found some unopened ones, opened them, and thought they were funny... he now leaves them alone :tongue_smilie:)

 

They all know that they carry all of their future children in their bodies, and that their future babies are completely helpless and needs their protection even before they are born. The way they protect their future children is by picking out the best mommy or daddy possible. Someone who loves God, loves them, who will stand by them, and respects them, etc.

 

They know of girls who are unmarried, who are pregnant at 16 -- my 7yo said, "that's just crazy." :lol: However, we simply keep it to something along the lines of... people make lots of different choices. However, we believe that God has a plan for babies -- and that is the mommy being married to the daddy first, and then bringing babies into the world, so that the baby can be protected, and safe. Sometimes, people choose to do things outside of God's order, and while we may not feel it is the best situation -- a baby is always a blessing.

 

I would prefer my children finished their BS or BA degree (or whatever job training they need) before getting married. We feel a man should be ready to support a family before he takes a wife, but if they find "the one" and must get married before or during college, we won't be completely cutting them off, either. Whatever support we had planned for college will remain in place.

 

My children will know about birth control. They will know the risks, benefits (if any), and why it's never 100%. They will know about alternatives to intercourse, and that God made these activities to help husbands and wives enjoy each other, and they are no less intimate than intercourse.

 

I expect we will sit my oldest down in the next year and give him the full-blown "talk." But that is no ending... it's just opening the conversation we've had up even further. My daughter will get the "talk" when she's 12, or when she "blossoms," whichever comes first.

 

We have plenty of life lessons (my dh and I are both the products of failed BC and pre-marital s*x, and we will use ourselves, and their grandparents as an object lesson of things that can happen when you go outside of God's order...as well as of God's grace and forgiveness to His children).

 

Conversations about BC, and s*x are not a one-time affair in my mind. They are a continual conversation. The conversation simply becomes more open and detailed, as we try to guide them into adulthood.

 

We aren't burying our heads in the sand with the "if you ever want to do more than kiss a boy/girl, you'd better be married first." kind of thing -- but we aren't adopting a fatalistic attitude, either.

[Nakia]

I actually read all 32 pages. Wow.

 

I wanted to give a different perspective.

 

My parents gave us s*x ed. I mean, allllll the details, except actual demonstrations.

 

At no time was I ever taught about respecting myself, or that I could say no. No guidance at all was given in terms of limits. The attitude was, "You're going to do it, so..."

 

I had no clue what was right, appropriate. None. Just what to do when.

 

I'm raising my children as my past being a cautionary tale. I don't want for them what I experienced. And yes, its centred around abstinence. Absolutely.

 

I do believe that having partners before marriage robs you and your spouse of what could have, should have been.

 

Birth control will be discussed, just as we discuss all human biology. But the emphasis will always be on what premarital s*x costs...in terms of emotion, risk, loss. That loving someone means respect, and anyone that loves them will respect them enough to wait.

 

I have no issue with young marriage, if that's what my kids choose. I see no reason why it should interfere with secondary education.

 

With HIV, Hep C, premarital s*x isn't just a risk that can be cured by antibiotics, and the most serious consequence isn't a baby. I don't want my kids dying because their hormones got the better of them.

 

I realize ppl have posted about getting tested prior to intimacy, but if teens can't be trusted to slip on a condom, how many do you think are actually going to be cool enough to wait for the test results? Far better to arm them against getting into the situation than what to do once there, imo.

 

Teens aren't helpless slaves to their hormones. If they're making the decision to have s*x, then their making adult decisions, ones with serious consequences. I've told Diva many times, that unless she's ready to be a mother, she has no business having s*x. And yes, she will be as supervised as possible, and we will do our utmost to ensure that she knows what to avoid and how. And to respect herself enough to wait.

 

I regret, more than I can say, my experiences as a teen. I will do everything in my power to see that my children don't walk the path I did.

 

I agree with everything you said, except that all my mother EVER told me about sex was not to get pregnant. And I can't say I regret my experiences as a teen because I did end up marrying the boy/man I was having sex with then. I just wish we had been more mature when we made that decision.

 

I have said before that I wish someone had told me to wait for an adult, long-term, committed, loving relationship, preferably marriage, before having sex. That sex was more than a physical act, that it is giving part of yourself to someone forever. And not just sex, all the "leading up to" sex part too. I wish it had been more about the heart of it all instead of, "Hey, don't be stupid and get pregnant". Though I am glad my mom told me where to go get birth control, or my now-husband and I would have probably been parents way before we graduated high school.

 

So when we (mostly I) talk to our girls about sex, we start with the heart. That's really where it all begins. But, I want them to be fully educated on every part of it, including birth control.

 

As far as getting married young...I don't know...it worked for us. :D Most people around here do get married in their early 20s, so it's the norm. I guess we'll see when we get there.

[Smithie]

sagira wrote:

 

"...don't discount other choices as the children are not me and I have to accept the reality that most people are not as calculating (consequence-wise) and a big picture person like me."

 

I'd guess your kids may well inherit your appreciation of consequences and ability to see the big picture - but have a very, very different experience of how kissing, etc. leads into sexual intercourse. The definition of a healthy sex life is that both spouses are satisfied, so obviously your sex life is healthy and normal - but since so many virgins can figure out how to DTD in a few minutes in the dark backseat of a Plymouth Reliant with a partner they've been dating for just a short while, I'm thinking that two weeks in front of a mirror with the love of your life is a fairly atypical learning curve. ;) Nothing wrong with THAT, though, the world might be a better place if we all had that learning curve.

[naturegirl7]

Don't you mean buttocks? ;)

 

Actually around here sand in the booty usually means it is in ALL the cracks and crevices - not just between the buttocks! :tongue_smilie:

And my little human bio/A&P smarty pants likes to differentiate between his buttocks and his anus - he is very very specific. :lol:

[naturegirl7]

What I say to my boys a lot is "please find something to cover you privates" sometimes I have to add, "use something that you don't need to hold in place", because sometimes my son would try to make do with a pillow or blanket.

 

:lol: That is funny! We have a clothing is not optional rule for 1. mealtime and 2. when company is over. Other than that, it is basically a kiddie nudist camp. :D it is not unusual for him to have naked school time, naked play time, naked Wii time, naked art time.

 

One of the funniest vid clips I have gotten in the last year was DS playing the Wii Fit obstacle course game (think lots of naked butt running, bouncing, and jumping) while singing at the top of his lungs with whatever happened to be playing on the 90s music channel :lol: Definitely something to break out and show the girlfriend before they head off to prom hehehe

 

 

As for the posts about shady lyrics - I remember sneaking music too, but not cuz it was offensive, just cuz my mom hated anything that wasn't 50s bubblegum pop and just had no clue about anything - thankfully my dad liked rock and steered me towards the good stuff.

Now we listen to alot of adult music here, but try to limit the stuff that has lots of cursing or overtly sexual tones - 90s music tends to reign on our stations simply cuz it is more inuendo vs in your face sex pop culture. There are things on the radio or TV that I don't agree with and we closley monitor/control what he watches but I personally don't think sheltering DS from it completely will do him any good, instead we'll talk about why something isn't nice to say or do. Forbidding shows or music that alot of his peers enjoy - it isnt teaching him anything about why it is inappropriate or encouraging him to make a good choice for himself. When he wants to watch the latest crappy cartoon show on Nick or whatever, I will watch it with him and then we discuss why it is not appropriate (which is almost every single children's program or movie out there now!) And it is working cuz he tripped me up today - i don't like programs with guns and violence due to the desensitation effects. We watched Star Wars a week ago and he loved it and knows I love it too. Today he wanted to watch something and I said I didn't like it cuz of the guns/violence. He turned it right back around, "But mommy, you like StarWars and that has laser guns. why is that okay?" Littlle stinker!

Edited July 22, 2010 by naturegirl7