LunaLee Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My dad's favorite: "Got more (insert whatever) than Carter's got liver pills." And as long as you say "Bless her/his her heart..." at the end, everything is always ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My grandmother often said, "He talks like a man with a paper a**hole." I still don't know what that means, but it still makes me laugh. A person with a paper a** doesn't have anything behind him to back him up, nothing to sit on. It means a person who has no substantiation for his statements. It is hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 (edited) "He/She doesn't have the sense God gave geese." "Born dumb and never learned anything." "He can charm the hind end off a horse" "Dumb as a stump" :D Edited July 14, 2010 by Liz CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 This thread is too funny. One my dad says all the time (he got it from my grandfather) is: If his brains were gasoline there wouldn't be enough to drive an ants motorcycle around a bb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 When I would say that I wanted something my parents would say that "people in hell want ice water". I say to my kids, "People in Houston want ice water" or....."it's good to want things. It lets you know you're ALIVE!" My husband says, "hamburger meat" which drives me batty. We don't say "ham pork" or "chicken poultry" now, do we?! Nervous as a cat in a roomful of rockin' chairs. Slicker than snot on a doorknob. Like STINK ON A MONKEY! When one of my kids has eaten a LOT (like 'growth spurt' quantity) my mom says, "He ate so much he's just as tight as a tick!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 We can't leave out Foghorn Leghorn: "That gal's about as sharp as a sack of wet mice." And here's one I say about my older brother: "He could sell an anchor to a drowning man." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Here are a few from my school days - - same dog, different leg action - what do you think this is, bush week? - six of one, half a dozen of the other - get off the grass And i am sure i have more but need to get the dinner sorted for these starving kids :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 When DH and I were dating he used to say things that just amazed me. My mom's from Texas, but she'd never said this stuff, so it was all new to me. When I mentioned it, she knew. every. one. ;-) A few examples: "Finer than frog's hair split seven ways." "That's Moorish" (more-ish : tastes good, I'd like more) "Larrapin' good (really good) "He's a rock - igneous." (not smart) "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer." "Sharp as a drawer full of spoons." From his dad/grandpa: "I'll knock a knot on you a show dog can't jump!" "More useless than t*ts on a boar hog." "Sh*t in one hand and wish in the other..." "Colder than a witch's t*t." "Pee like a Russian Rhino." "Run like a scalded dog." (This one bothers me!) "Sat on a frog." or "Barking spider" (passed gas) I've teased my kids about beating them with wet noodles, but I didn't know it was a common thing to say, so I had to chuckle when I saw it on another post. ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted July 14, 2010 Author Share Posted July 14, 2010 I'm loving this thread. :lol: A sandwich short of a picnic. From the shallow end of the gene pool. Somewhere, a village is short an idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollie010 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My mom says that all. the. time. LOL You can't ride two horses with one ass! (Meaning, make up your mind already). Never heard this one, but it is my new life quote. Love it. I have been having trouble making some decisions lately and this was just the kick I needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "Dumb as a stump" and the completely baffling... "Deader than a doorknob" my parents used to say this when something died, like the toaster or lawnmower. I used to say it too until someone asked me when was a doorknob ever alive or even close to it. They had a point. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I moved deep into Central FL's farming community 5 years ago, and I still laugh at "Well bless her heart." Here it is said after they find out there was an accident, death, etc. "Well bless her heart, can I make something (food)?" I have only heard 2 people who use " bless her heart", and they are always referring to people who have had a bad accident or died. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 and the completely baffling..."Deader than a doorknob" my parents used to say this when something died, like the toaster or lawnmower. My mom always says "dead as a doorknob." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 (edited) I just love the insult with an added "bless her heart" b/c somehow that makes it ok. :D I have a friend who says, "You know what 'bless your heart' means, right?" It means, "You are SOOO stupid." :D We tell dc that they are a few fries short of a happy meal when they do something silly. Db and I used to torment each other with, "When they were passing out brains, you thought they said trains, and said, 'No thanks, I'll take the bus.'" Edited July 14, 2010 by angela in ohio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "Looks like someone got beat with the ugly stick" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Oh, my goodness-these are hilarious:lol: Great way to start the morning. My absolute favorite is "She's just sharp as a jellybean" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "He could sell a bald man a hair brush" - a smooth talker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Dumber than a box of rocks. "Me strong leg bull"---thanks mom for those gems! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 (edited) The lights are on and no one's home. Not the brightest crayon in the box. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. You make a better door than a window. What the Sam Hill?! What the dickens?! and What the Sam Hill dickens?! All Ya'll... What'cha tryin' to do, drink the Mississippi dry?z Cross the crick (the "crick" being the Mississippi River) Just a skip and a jump. Would ya holla at 'em? Knock your noggin'. Up in your face. Don't sass. Don't get sassy. Fill one hand with what you want and the other with $h-- and see which fills up faster (courtesy of my stepdad when we'd say "I want") Edited July 14, 2010 by mommaduck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 From my dad... (when something made him angry) "I didn't cuss, but where I spit the grass wouldn't grow!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holdoll Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Our mom used to say, "Look in the mirror, you'll get fed up!" whenever we told her we were hungry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Oh! I needed a good laugh this morning! This is great! I'll add a few of my favorites from my grandfather: "If you don't knock it off, I'm going to yank your arm off and beat you with the bloody end of it!" "When they passed out looks, she/he thought they said books, and she didn't like to read." "When they passed out noses, she/he thought they said roses, and asked for hers/his big and red." (and this one has been mentioned) "When they passed out brains, she/he thought they said trains, and she/he wasn't going anywhere." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I thought of a few more: Sh*t or get off the pot (said when you are in traffic and someone in front of you won't go). He couldn't find his *ss with both hands. (Unfortunately I am guilty of using this one at least weekly.) He's/She's as nervous as a porcupine in a balloon factory. a few sandwiches short of a picnic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Here's a few more that came to me this morning. "He/She must have sneaked into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking" "Couldn't find his/her way out of a paper bag with a map and a flashlight" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJsMom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Your daddy wasn't no glassmaker. (You're in the way/can't see through you) I'll have to think, I know I've heard more that aren't posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "She's got sweet spirit." That means she's not anything to look at. I laughed so hard the first time I heard that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 We say of my brother that he "can't find his way out of a wet paper bag". It's true, too. I'm always amazed when the boy can find his own way home, bless his heart. (He isn't the sharpest knife in the crayon box!) Madder than a wet hen. So mad I could spit nails! So thirsty I'm spittin' cotton! So hungry I could eat a horse! (Sorry, remudamom!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Okay, I thought of another one! "You look like you were sent for and couldn't go, got there and wasn't needed!" I cannot count the times I have heard my father say this, and I have never figured out exactly what it's supposed to mean!:confused: I think it has to do with someone being confused or frustrated. Anyone want to shed some light on it for me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "Looks like someone got beat with the ugly stick" This is awful and I hated when he said it, but an old boyfriend used to say "She could make a ragdoll puke." My dad used to say, "You mouth moves faster than a whipporwill's *ss in a windstorm." Grandma: "You're slower than molasses running uphill in January." Mom (if you stood in front of the tv): "Your father wasn't a glass-blower." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Amber* Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 My DH's favs are it's hotter than a two weinered billy goat. Crazier than a three legged cat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amydavis Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 From my dh's side of the family: ~Prettier than a field of daisies. ~Happier than a bumblebee in a field of daisies. ~Cuter than a speckled puppy in a little red wagon. ~Wish in one hand, sh*t in the other, and see which one fills up first. From my side: ~Colder than a witch's t*t. ~If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its *ss. (This was said to me whenever I'd try to negotiate after being given an answer, often using "if/then logic.") ~Lips are flappin' - brain is nappin.' (Talking without thinking) ~Loose lips sink ships. (Talking out of turn, revealing more than needed) ~Your rights end where mine begin. (Dad was quite the libertarian, LOL!) I know there are more...I'll have to think about it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2Smile Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 my favorite is: "She's one taco short of a combo plate" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 ...And here's one I say about my older brother: "He could sell an anchor to a drowning man." Lol...my mom was saying to me the other day how impressed she was with my dh's ability to support our family, even in tough times. She said, "He could sell you the shirt off your own back and make you happy you paid extra." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funschooler5 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Every time we'd get in the car to drive somewhere, my grandpa would say, "We're off like a dirty shirt!" :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charmama4 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 these remind me of the chapter in the Core Knowledge book (what your __ grader needs to know) where it lists all the *familiar sayings*. However, I don't think you would find most of the ones listed here :lol: here's a few more for ya: Make a better door than a window (someone standing in front of the TV) Make like a tree and leave Better pick up that lip or you'll trip (mom used to say this to me all the time when I pouted and I use it today!!:lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bairnmama Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I remembered a few more, too. Just a hop, skip, and a jump away. Couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. More ___ than you can shake a stick at. I'm gonna hang you from the clothesline by your toenails. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Db and I used to torment each other with, "When they were passing out brains, you thought they said trains, and said, 'No thanks, I'll take the bus.'" I always heard it as "When God was passing out brains, you thought he said rain and took cover" Instead of Deader than a doorknob my dad use to say "deader than a doornail" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrbmom77 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I always heard it as "When God was passing out brains, you thought he said rain and took cover" That's how my grandpa said it. He also said "whatever blows your skirt up" I'll knock you into next week! I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday. or I was born at night, but not last night. He's gittin' too big for his britches. She was runnin' around like a chicken with her head cut off! I got the short end of the stick on that deal. He's all hat and no cattle. Her cobbler's so good it'll make your tongue slap your brains out! three sheets to the wind (drunk) goin' to fist city (fighting) In response to How are you? - If I was doin any better, there'd have to be 2 of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charmama4 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 Compliments of my ex when a bill collector called for him can't get blood from a turnip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "I was busier than a one-legged man in an @$$ kickin' contest!" "He could sell a ketchup popsicle to a lady in white gloves." "He could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo" (Inuit) "Slower than molasses in January" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 (edited) Like trying to find fly poop in pepper. Speaking of bill collectors: My uncle used to say: They can't eat ya!! If you leave your feeling in the isle, they'll get stepped on! Edited July 14, 2010 by Lara in Colo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 When someone is complaining, without real merit, about something "unfair, boring, etc..." ~"Life's tough............and then ya die"!~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 You're like a dog with a bone- when someone won't let something go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeannie in NJ Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 dh's favorite is If pigs had wings, they could fly. He says this when someone claims that they can play a sport better than a professional athlete can I like: he's lying thru his teeth when you get killed , don't come crying to me Don't have a hissy fit. I just now said to my dd "you have 2 legs too" when she said that the cat wanted food Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandellie4 Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 We heard this one while watching the television: Don't let me be the moldy cheese in your refrigerator of hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 I'm laughing my knickers off! Here's one I say: "That'll go over like a hair in the macaroni salad." (unpopular choice) My daughter is pokey and I say: "You're like a snail on Valium." :D If I'm asked how I'm doing: "Better than a two-time lottery winner." From the movie Over the Hedge, I love when the skunk character says, "I'm gonna blast you so hard your grandkids will stink!" :lol: My dh says these: Fish or cut bait. (make up your mind) Sure you can do it/have one - when you're one-plus-twenty (to the kids) About as fair as income tax (not fair) She's spent too much time at the buffet table (overweight) She's been to see Dr. Dupont (err, BooK enhancement) My mother had a slew of violent threats. They mostly went in one ear and out the other, but, now that I'm a mom, I'm astonished how often she said these: I will wring your neck! I'll knock you into next week! I'm gonna KILL you! I'll beat you so hard, you won't sit for a week! And, if we were dumb enough to cry about anything, "I'll give you something to cry about!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 "I was busier than a one-legged man in an @$$ kickin' contest!" Now, that is hilarious!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lighthouseacademy Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 most of the ones I grew up with have been posted (although some not until this last page!)... How about "Take a rolling doughnut and a flying leap." (along the lines of take a hike) "Take a very long walk off a very short pier." (same idea) I find it interesting how many refer to someone being dumb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted July 15, 2010 Share Posted July 15, 2010 (edited) never met a stranger -- said about some one who can get along with/talk to anyone BFE or EBF --- these are really, really crude ways of saying something is very far away -- bum eff egypt and east bum eff You're so ugly they have to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you. like a bum on a bologna sandwich He's got his head so far up his @$$ he can't see daylight off like a prom dress Edited July 15, 2010 by unsinkable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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