Would you turn your child in?

[swellmomma]

If your child commited a crime would you turn your child in to the police? What if there was no witnesses to say your child did it?

[SproutMamaK]

That would depend vastly on the type of crime and the history of the child. For a first offense, likely not. For repeated and increasingly serious offenses, yes.

[Joker]

I think it would depend upon what crime was commited.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think it would depend upon what crime was commited.

 

I think I generally agree with this. However, I would also generally say that I would talk to them and try to talk them into turning themselves in, no matter what crime was committed (assuming it's not extremely minor like speeding, illegal parking, etc).

[swellmomma]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

[SproutMamaK]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

Absolutely. As a PP said, I'd try to convince them to turn themselves in first, but barring that - yes, I'd turn them in.

[Mrs Mungo]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

[lovemyboys]

I think it would depend upon what crime was commited.

 

Exactly.

 

About a decade ago, we watched in horror as a family in our metro area whisked their teen away to the safety of another country after their child had murdered and then incinerated someone, then hid the body in a house down the street. No matter how much I love my child, I'm not sure I'd be able to protect him if he were capable of that.

[Perry]

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

:iagree:

[nukeswife]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

 

:iagree:

[JeneralMom]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

 

In that instance, yes, I would turn my child in. However, having worked for a consulting group that did gov't contracting in the US, we learned that background checks will go into juvenile records (post Patriot Act). We had a computer tech who was bodily escorted out of a gov't building when it came back that he and his cousin had taken a joy ride in the aunt's car when they were 15 and she let them sit in jail overnight to teach them a lesson. It came up and he will never be able to do gov't work. My boss had to fly out and do the work herself because our other tech had misdemeanor on his record, too. So, I would be very careful and think hard before doing it.

[kalanamak]

If your child commited a crime would you turn your child in to the police? What if there was no witnesses to say your child did it?

Crime

Age

History.

 

Not my six year old for idly picking up a candybar in the checkout.

Yes, to a 15 year old carjacking someone.

[Mynyel]

Exactly.

 

About a decade ago, we watched in horror as a family in our metro area whisked their teen away to the safety of another country after their child had murdered and then incinerated someone, then hid the body in a house down the street. No matter how much I love my child, I'm not sure I'd be able to protect him if he were capable of that.

 

You from Santa Barbara County? That happened there a long time ago..a boy was murdered and the kids that did it (I think his name was even Jesse James:glare:) went to Mexico...found out later after extradition that his parents were giving him money. No way would I do that.

 

In the case presented by the poster yes, I would turn them in if they didn't themselves. It would be difficult and I would hate having to do it but I would.

[HRAAB]

I said yes given your scenario. They would be encouraged to turn themselves in first. And if I weren't inclined to do so, I can guarantee their father would.

[kalanamak]

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

 

:iagree:

[EmilyK]

Murder aside, what if you felt the punishment was too harsh for juveniles for the crime involved? For example, I wouldn't turn my kid in to the police for smoking pot (and I'm not an illegal drug fan, so that's not where I'm going). If I thought it was a first offense, and it would ruin my kid's life, and it wasn't a violent crime, I'm surprised that most folks would turn their kid in. I also feel (personally, you don't have to agree) that punishments for juveniles in the U.S. have gotten out of hand. So even a kid that wasn't mine -- I guess I'd think about the severity of the crime before I'd turn them in.

 

I wouldn't destroy evidence, of course.

 

Edited to add -- now that I'm reading the crime involved, I would do as the OP did.

Edited June 11, 2010 by EmilyK
now read the crime involved

[mcconnellboys]

Absolutely.

[lovemyboys]

You from Santa Barbara County? That happened there a long time ago..a boy was murdered and the kids that did it (I think his name was even Jesse James:glare:) went to Mexico...found out later after extradition that his parents were giving him money. No way would I do that.

 

In the case presented by the poster yes, I would turn them in if they didn't themselves. It would be difficult and I would hate having to do it but I would.

 

No, MidAtlantic then. How sad is that that there are such similar crimes and reactions going on... :(

[MamaT]

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

 

Under those specific circumstances, this is what I would do.

[Joker]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

In that case, yes.

[Pretty in Pink]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

Yes. I would give the option of turning themselves in first.

[Jean in Newcastle]

That would depend vastly on the type of crime and the history of the child. For a first offense, likely not. For repeated and increasingly serious offenses, yes.

 

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Crimson Wife]

Non-violent drug/alcohol crime, first offense- rehab

Non-violent property crime, first offense- reform school

Violent crime or repeat offense- turn over to authorities

[swimmermom3]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

I understand where Emily is coming from, but I look at the above and think it is better handled now. With the obstruction of a police investigation, this isn't going to be pleasant for anyone. However, I can't help but wonder if nothing is said that this may grow into a larger problem. The subtle message sent is "You can break the law and you don't have to pay the consequences." Ugh! It would be a tough spot to be in.

[m0mmaBuck]

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

 

This.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've known kids who have committed a crime within the family (stole quite a bit of money from Mom and Dad for ex. or assaulted a family member). Quite often parents will not report that but will get counseling, send them to a ranch for troubled kids etc. That isn't reporting it, but it isn't ignoring it either.

 

But if the crime were against someone outside the home then it absolutely must be reported. (And like someone else said, I'm not talking about a candy bar but I would have them take that back and pay restitution).

[phathui5]

It depends on the crime.

[dragons in the flower bed]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

First time? Second time? Characteristic of this child's behavior? Do I have options for other types of correction (like camp, intensive therapy, cutting the kid off from his friend group)? Do I believe those will work?

 

The obstruction, the forethought here, really gives me pause. I definitely would find some kind of justice system to participate in, though I'm not a big fan of my local one.

Edited June 11, 2010 by dragons in the flower bed

[EmilyK]

I understand where Emily is coming from, but I look at the above and think it is better handled now. With the obstruction of a police investigation, this isn't going to be pleasant for anyone. However, I can't help but wonder if nothing is said that this may grow into a larger problem. The subtle message sent is "You can break the law and you don't have to pay the consequences." Ugh! It would be a tough spot to be in.

 

Yes, I agree now that I read better about what's involved. I would do as she did.

[jenL]

Yes. I would give the option of turning themselves in first.

 

:iagree: Having read the description of the crime. Like pp, for me it would depend upon the crime & the age of the child which is why I voted "other" in the poll.

[LibraryLover]

If one turned the child in, could the child get the help the child might need to be healthier?

[Daisy]

If one turned the child in, could the child get the help the child might need to be healthier?

 

Exactly. I'd see this as intervention.

 

Either the child confesses or I go to the police. Either way,the point is to get the child help before their behavior escalates further.

[Ravin]

Honestly? Probably not, because I live in Maricopa County. Now, my kid would probably find herself living somewhere else (military school, tough-as-nails foster mom grandma's house), and her life would be very unfun for a good while. I would expect her to make restitution in the long run. But it would have to be a good deal more serious for me to let Sheriff Joe get his hands on my kid. Murder, maybe.

[lisamarie]

I probably would. I can't say for sure because I've never been in that position, and it would be such a hard thing to do to know you put your kid in jail/juvee. And it would potentially destroy the family relationship for a long time if not forever if the kid holds a grudge. But chances are the police are going to figure out who did the crime eventually and it would go better for them if they turned themselves in rather than wait for the police to come knocking.

[StartingOver]

Honestly? Probably not, because I live in Maricopa County. Now, my kid would probably find herself living somewhere else (military school, tough-as-nails foster mom grandma's house), and her life would be very unfun for a good while. I would expect her to make restitution in the long run. But it would have to be a good deal more serious for me to let Sheriff Joe get his hands on my kid. Murder, maybe.

 

 

:iagree: There are exceptions to every rule, living in Maricopa County would be one for me too !!

[KnitWit]

I think I generally agree with this. However, I would also generally say that I would talk to them and try to talk them into turning themselves in, no matter what crime was committed (assuming it's not extremely minor like speeding, illegal parking, etc).

 

:iagree:

[KnitWit]

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

 

:iagree:

[Desert Rat]

It depends. Murder? Yes. Grand theft auto? Maybe not.

[KnitWit]

It depends. Murder? Yes. Grand theft auto? Maybe not.

 

I know two kids who committed grand theft auto and turned out to be drug addicts. So, I don't know that I'd let that go...for *their* sake.

[elizabeth]

I think I generally agree with this. However, I would also generally say that I would talk to them and try to talk them into turning themselves in, no matter what crime was committed (assuming it's not extremely minor like speeding, illegal parking, etc).

 

You know you always have the best way of analyzing a situation to get to the heart of an issue. I think this is a great answer and thus I agree with Mrs Mungo.

[katilac]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

 

My preference would be to 'turn them in' to the victims, with restitution and severe consequences, but if they have obstructed a police investigation, that might not be possible. So, I would probably call a lawyer (legal aid if needed), and ask for advice - what should we expect in this scenario, etc.

 

I would prefer that they face the music in an open manner, but I also know the juvenile justice system has numerous failings. I would not do anything that was likely to result in my kid going to a juvenile facility, even for a short time. In many areas of the country, juvenile holding centers or residential facilities are a very mixed bag of serious and violent criminals, minor property offenders, and kids who have done absolutely nothing wrong, but lack proper supervision or anywhere else to go. Up until about five years ago, my town had a residential facility that housed the following categories: criminal offenders, emotionally and mentally disturbed, abused and neglected. The chances of a kid being harmed in that type of place are very, very high.

 

Anyone 'in the know' on your local juvenile system/police department can give you a rough idea of what type of sytem you have, and a lawyer can give you more details on what to expect if the overall system seems to be efficient and fair.

[teachermom2834]

I'm usually a pretty law and order kind of girl but it would totally depend on the kid and the circumstances.

 

I would like to say that I would turn my kid in but the truth is I would really have to weigh all the issues. I think the bottom line for me would be what would help my child the most. Not "help" in terms of avoiding punishment but "help' in terms of turning his or her life around.

 

ETA: Even if turned my child in I am pretty sure I would get him the best defense lawyer I could. Again, not to make things "easy" for him but to protect him and get him the type of help he really needs. In some cases that may be the criminal justice system but I'm not convinced that is always the best.

 

I would definitely have to make restitution to whoever was hurt by his actions, regardless of how the criminal proceedings played out.

Edited June 11, 2010 by teachermom2834

[StaceyinLA]

It would depend on the crime. If it were minor, and something that hurt no one, no. I'd deal with the child myself.

 

If it were damaging to someone's property, I'd have my child pay restitution in some form (work, repairs, etc. - we actually did this when my son ran over a little yard sign in our neighbor's yard because he was careless on the 4-wheeler).

 

If it involved harming another person, I wouldn't hesitate. As much as I love my children, if they were capable of something like that I wouldn't want them on the streets any more than any other person.

 

I need to add that I totally disagree that the juvenile system is hard on kids. Kids are OUT OF CONTROL in this country. I cannot believe what kids are capable of - it sickens me.

 

Just today, in a town not far from us (high-dollar, VERY low crime rural area), 2 moms were riding bikes with their 8 yo sons. One child got away from the group and a 15yo jumped out of the bushes, stabbed him and cut his throat with a box cutter. The 8 year old boy died with his mother a bike path away.

 

If that was my 8 yo, I would be in jail right now I'm sure (ok, I probably really wouldn't because I doubt I could hurt a human being). If that was my 15yo, I'm not sure I'd ever want to see him/her again. Just sickening...

[Jean in Newcastle]

My preference would be to 'turn them in' to the victims, with restitution and severe consequences, but if they have obstructed a police investigation, that might not be possible. So, I would probably call a lawyer (legal aid if needed), and ask for advice - what should we expect in this scenario, etc.

 

I would prefer that they face the music in an open manner, but I also know the juvenile justice system has numerous failings. I would not do anything that was likely to result in my kid going to a juvenile facility, even for a short time. In many areas of the country, juvenile holding centers or residential facilities are a very mixed bag of serious and violent criminals, minor property offenders, and kids who have done absolutely nothing wrong, but lack proper supervision or anywhere else to go. Up until about five years ago, my town had a residential facility that housed the following categories: criminal offenders, emotionally and mentally disturbed, abused and neglected. The chances of a kid being harmed in that type of place are very, very high.

 

Anyone 'in the know' on your local juvenile system/police department can give you a rough idea of what type of sytem you have, and a lawyer can give you more details on what to expect if the overall system seems to be efficient and fair.

 

I'm sure this varies widely from city to city. The juvenile residential facility that I taught at was wonderful. As a teacher, I was safer there, the students were safer, and they had things under control so that kids could actually learn. And the resident staff that I knew said that it was similar in the resident "homes".

[StephanieZ]

No, unless I had no other leverage to help the child make amends. If the child was out of control and I thought he posed a danger to self or others. . . and I couldn't convince the child to do the right thing w/o involving police. . . Well, then, I might involve the police.

 

But, I'd do whatever I could w/o committing a crime myself to avoid the child getting caught.

 

Not pretty, maybe, but that's the truth.

 

I mean, would you turn in a friend? Acquaintance? Co-worker? Spouse? In almost all cases, I wouldn't.

 

Justice does not always have to involve the "justice system." It is surely possible to make amends w/o involving the police, IMHO.

 

If it was a violent crime, then I would do whatever I could to put a stop to that. Including police.

 

If it was a nonviolent crime, then I would very likely not involve the police unless the person was completely out of control and escalating. . .

[Melissa in Australia]

I would let them know that they had two choices: 1. they turn themselves in or 2. I turn them in.

:iagree:

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

Murder aside, what if you felt the punishment was too harsh for juveniles for the crime involved? For example, I wouldn't turn my kid in to the police for smoking pot (and I'm not an illegal drug fan, so that's not where I'm going). If I thought it was a first offense, and it would ruin my kid's life, and it wasn't a violent crime, I'm surprised that most folks would turn their kid in. I also feel (personally, you don't have to agree) that punishments for juveniles in the U.S. have gotten out of hand. So even a kid that wasn't mine -- I guess I'd think about the severity of the crime before I'd turn them in.

 

I wouldn't destroy evidence, of course.

 

Edited to add -- now that I'm reading the crime involved, I would do as the OP did.

 

 

See now I think our Punishments in the US are way too lenient. I think a good Caning would be good for some of these kids. We have more crime because they get to go to jail where they can watch TV, eat 3 meals a day, and earn a Degree. That is absurd when some good, hard-working people can't afford to do all that. I teach my children, even young, that they have to clean up their own "messes." I would surely turn him in if he wouldn't do it himself.

[nd293]

Absolutely. Nothing good comes of avoiding consequences for actions. Look at the van der Sloot case.

[Impish]

What if it was a break and enter with tools, robbery and obstruction of a police investigation.

I'd turn them in. Obstructing the police is a serious crime.

[TravelingChris]

I assume the original scenario is burglary, not robbery?

 

Burglary is theft with no one being threatened. Robbery is theft by use of force or threatening of using force on someone.

 

Yes, for a crime like that, especially with the police obstruction, I would have the child turn themselves in or I would turn them in. I also would get them a defense attorney.