How do your children address an adult?

[Doodle]

I believe a child should address an adult as Mr/Mrs Last Name. When a last name is not known, then Sir or Ma'am. "Respect your elders." Does this still exist? When Doodle and I attended a homeschool valentine party in February, I was surprised to hear the girls addressing the host mom by her first name. I do not approve of Miss/Mrs First Name either. Recently I introduce Doodle to another homeschool mom who we were meeting at the park for the first time. I had previously exchanged emailed with this woman and knew her full name. I introduced her as Mrs Last Name. She immediately looked at Doodle and told him her first name and continued to tell him it was Ok for him to call her that. I did not appreciate that :glare:. So, am I in the minority here?

[keptwoman]

Mostly first names. Depends on the relationship we have with the person and the age of the person too.

I'd say for the most part here in Australia, it would be fairly uncommon for kids to use Mr and Mrs (or Sir and Maam)

[Karen in CO]

I try for Mr. or Ms. Last name - but with many of my friends who use first names I compromise to Mr. or Ms. First Name. I do insist on Sir and Ma'am when answering questions and addressing unknown adults. I grew up with Mr. or Ms. Last Name, but then again I lived in a very small town, and my parents knew Everybody's name, and we were related to most, of course, so it was Uncle or Aunt First Name or Cousin Bubba instead ;) .

[elise1mds]

I tell kids to call me by Ms. [First Name]. My last name is extremely hard for kids (and many adults) to pronounce to begin with, and I'm mostly an informal person. I try to ask people beforehand what they prefer to be called. Most of my close friends prefer Ms. [First Name] as well. I do try to introduce folks by their last names if I don't know them well, but if they would prefer to go by their first names, I don't have a problem with it. Preschool teachers are typically Miss or Ms. or Mr. [First Name], but teachers in kindergarten and beyond still usually go by their last names.

 

If I were in a situation where I didn't know someone's name, I would encourage my child to use Sir or Ma'am.

 

I think it's a generational thing. And/or a Southern thing that has migrated. :)

[Mejane]

With appropriate titles. My kids are very uncomfortable when adults ask them to call them by their first names.

[Melinda in VT]

I teach my kids to call adults (and anyone, really) what the adult wants to be called.

 

At the elementary school, all the classroom teachers go by their first names only. The special teachers (art, French, music, and PE) are a mixed bag. Some go by Mrs. Lastname. One goes by first name. One goes by Ms. Firstname.

 

At the middle school (and high school), all the teachers I've encountered go by Mrs./Mr. Last Name.

 

When I introduce my kids to an adult, I give my kids the adult's full name. They use Mrs./Mr. unless told otherwise, but most adults around here go by first name only in social situations.

[Caitilin]

My kids address adults as they introduce themselves to them. So the lady who calls herself Mrs. LastName, they call Mrs. LastName, and the lady who introduces herself as Sally gets called Sally. Most of the adults they know, though, are other HSing parents, and in our group, the convention is Mr./Mrs. LastName.

 

I am in the don't like Miss FirstName camp, though. To me it sounds massively contrived, and I can't envision a scenario in which I would ever want to address someone that way or be addressed in that way. As ever, YMMV.

[Imprimis]

I teach my kids to call adults (and anyone, really) what the adult wants to be called.

 

 

 

This is how we approach it. And, in most instances, it is by first names.

 

Most of my childrens' friends address me by my first name and I'm perfectly fine with that.

[Mom22ns]

If it is someone we don't know I might use Mr or Mrs Last name. The rest of the time for family friends or church acquaintances, we use Mr or Mrs First name.

 

You should realize this is regional. When I was in college I spent a summer in VA. I had never heard anyone use "sir" or Ma'm" except in a disrespectful, sarcastic way in my life. When I was there, it was expected and I got in the habit of it. When I returned home I had to drop it. People would think I was being rude (sarcastic) if I used sir or ma'm. People do not consider it polite here.

[OrganicAnn]

I start with the Mrs or Mr. Last Name, but if the adult says call me First Name or Ms June or whatever, then we go by that. Politeness is making the other person feel comfortable. So if someone doesn't want to be called Mrs. Smith, then it is more polite to call them by the name they feel comfortable with.

 

The exception is I do not encourage the use of Aunt or Uncle if the person is not a real Aunt or Uncle to us.

[Carrie12345]

I was raised with Mr./Mrs. Lastname, but was constantly put on the spot by adults wanting to be called by their first names. My mother insisted I use last names no matter what they preferred.

 

My kids usually go with Mr./Miss Firstname, which has been pretty standard in our circles.

*I* prefer to be called Miss Carrie, especially since I have a different last name from ds, and most kids tend to forget that.

[8circles]

I'm in the minority here, I guess. I'm a very casual person in general, but adults insisting that my children call them by their firstname really chaps my hide. What you call someone can dictate to a degree the level of 'intimacy' (for lack of a better word) that you share with that person. I consider it hugely inappropriate for an adult to attempt to create that relationship with my child without my permission.

 

Normally, I encourage my kids to call adults Mr. or Ms. Lastname. If the adult indicates that a first name is acceptable, then I make the call as to whether or not that's OK with me.

[kewb]

I have taught mine to address adults as Mr./Mrs./Miss unless otherwise instructed by the adult.

[Diana B]

We do a combination, taking into account (of course) what the person wants to be called. We do Mr./Mrs. LastName when introducing them to a new person. If that person asks for first name, we will then usually call that person Mr./Mrs. FirstName. If we don't know a last name, I usually do Mr./Mrs. FirstName. I do this to emphasize to my child that the person is his elder and deserves the respect as such.

 

Mr./Mrs. FirstName is very common in our church (especially when addressing those in their late teens/early 20's, as it's what they go by @ camp). Most everyone in their late 20's and up are address by Mr./Mrs. LastName unless they are one of my close friends that they see on a regular basis and know well (and a few of those are even Aunt/Uncle).

 

Everyone gets called sir/ma'am as well. My ds gets complicated often because of his manners. He will often say "Excuse me, sir....." I think this should be the norm, not the exception!

[LibraryLover]

This would absolutely depend on the relationship and the preference of the adult

 

 

Cool dude guy at farmer's market- Jack

Free- Range chicken farmer -Jill

Mrs Librarian

Sue -fellow homeschool school mom

Hank- fellow homeschool dad

Mrs Art Teacher (who likes to be called Mrs)

Max- our fav waiter

Coach Ray- well, our coach lol

[Tangerine]

If respect is what the intended goal is, wouldn't the MOST respectful thing be to call the adult what they want to be called?

[8circles]

If respect is what the intended goal is, wouldn't the MOST respectful thing be to call the adult what they want to be called?

 

Yes, however the respect doesn't just go in one direction. I think that people need to realize that what you call someone affects people at both the giving & receiving ends.

[ereks mom]

...kids are generally taught to address most adults, particularly those who are friends of the family, as Ms./Mr. First Name. The adults with whom kids are less familiar, and also teachers, principals, etc. (unless they request otherwise) would be addressed as Ms./Mr. Last Name.

 

I know almost NO children who address adults by their First Names only. That's just not done around here; it's considered extremely disrespectful.

[Rosie_0801]

I was brought up to start with Mr and Mrs Lastname, but if they wanted to be called by their first name that it was appropriate to do so. I daresay I'll do the same with my kids when I know their last name, but things are pretty informal around here so it's quite possible to see people every week and not know their last name! Being in the SCA, my kids will also be taught to call some people "Your Excellency," others "Master," "Mistress" or "Sir" Whatever-their-name-is. I realise that is a special circumstance :lol:

 

Rosie

[hophr5]

I try for Mr. or Ms. Last name - but with many of my friends who use first names I compromise to Mr. or Ms. First Name. I do insist on Sir and Ma'am when answering questions and addressing unknown adults.

 

:iagree:

 

I have ran across some adults that are actually offended by sir and ma'am.

[SonshineLearner]

I grew up in Texas, but only had to say sir or ma'am when in trouble. My son says sir and ma'am when speaking with my husband or me, and when we're encouraging him in his conversations with others. No one else says it here, so it's not modeled well in our classes. It's endearing to call him, and have him answer "yes ma'am" while coming. (and have him not stop and play on the way... well...we're working on that!)

We introduce all adults as Mr or Mrs and that's what our children are allowed to call adults. They call young adults...more like teens... "Mr or Miss... first name" Our children are to respect adults authority and position by referring to adults by their last name. This really isn't an title of authority that can be negated by one adult... In other words, "I like my first name to be used." Oh, thank you for your kind offer, but for our family... your position of authority as an adult demands that our children refer to you with the title of an adult."

And, sir and ma'am are just part of who I want my children around... Sorry if that offends some.

:)

[6packofun]

I feel the same.

[Truscifi]

My kids address adults as they introduce themselves to them. So the lady who calls herself Mrs. LastName, they call Mrs. LastName, and the lady who introduces herself as Sally gets called Sally. .

 

This is what we do. I prefer Mr/Mrs LastName, but am ok with whatever the other adult prefers. I do require ds to use sir and ma'am, but I'm Southern. Many adults who are not Southern have told me they don't like being called sir or ma'am, that it makes them feel old. I say they have to suck it up and deal on that one. :tongue_smilie:

[mommaduck]

It really depends on the relationship and culture. I was raised, and we try for, Mr/Mrs Last Name. However, sometimes that can be difficult in certain situations and we go for Mr/Mrs First Name (again, depends on the circumstance...there are many that I do not permit this for). Then of course we have those that are either relatives or close enough friends to be relatives, those are Uncle/Aunt/Auntie/Cousin First Name (it is not unusual in various cultures to call none relatives "Uncle/Aunt" due to respect for age or closeness to a family)

[6packofun]

Boy, I'm all over the place in these threads. Super-traditional about what children should call adults but we wear lounge pants all day. :D

[mommaduck]

This is what we do. I prefer Mr/Mrs LastName, but am ok with whatever the other adult prefers. I do require ds to use sir and ma'am, but I'm Southern. Many adults who are not Southern have told me they don't like being called sir or ma'am, that it makes them feel old. I say they have to suck it up and deal on that one. :tongue_smilie:

:iagree:

[Daisy]

In our church circles most adults go by Miss/Mrs/Mr. First Name. In our neighborhood and larger community the children say Mr/Mrs. Last Name.

[WiseOwlKnits]

We use Miss Firstname or Mr. Firstname. Not because I really wanted it, but because it was a fight I decided wasn't worth fighting. Everyone in our area uses Miss/Mr. as the appropriate show of respect for an adult and I finally gave in after 4 years of people repeating that they'd prefer Miss Firstname over Mrs. Lastname.

 

I didn't grow up in the part of my state where I live now...where I grew up, it was much more conservative and Mr./Mrs. Lastname was the only acceptable way to address an adult. Here it's apparently the opposite. So when in Rome.......LOL!

 

To throw a wrench in things though, I don't care for kids calling me Mrs. Lastname. Everytime I hear "Mrs. Lastname" I start looking for my MIL. HA! I'm sure it's b/c I never got used to it though.

[LauraGB]

Mr. or Mrs So and So. And I'll be honest - it completely irks me when adults convince my kids to call them by thier first names. I'm becoming more okay with it now that my kids are a little older, but oh my goodness, it still shoves me a bit toward the edge.

[KJsMom]

I live in East Texas and Ms. Firstname, Mr. Firstname is most common and appropriate here. We use Mr./Mrs. Last name for people we don't know well, but never first name only.

[fivetails]

I had a bit of "culture shock" with this when we moved across the country a year and a half ago -- where we came from, everyone was *very* casual/informal/whatever... all the neighbourhood kids called me by my name, my kids called their friends folks by their names, etc -- it's just the way it was in our day-to-day social group.

 

Anyway, we got out here and landed in an entirely different day-to-day social group - where it's the complete opposite. All the kids have been taught Mr/Mrs ~ so I had to remind mine to do the same.

 

It's still very weird to me, having other kids call me Mrs. Lastname ~ sometimes I still don't even realize they're talking to *me* :laugh:

[Desert Rat]

Miss/Mister First Name. A lot of times I don't know last names. When I do know last names, the people ask to be called by a first name anyway. This is a compromise.

[Spy Car]

Here if a child called someone Ma'am or Sir people would think the child was:

 

A) Putting them on.

B) A wise-guy.

C) An "Eddie Haskell".

D) Not from around here.

E) All of the above.

 

Mr, Miss or Mrs First Name is unheard of, although "Coach First Name" is common.

 

Mr, Miss or Mrs Last Name remains for teachers, parent volunteers in schools, and select older neighbors.

 

Parents of children are usually known by their first names. I was raised with Mr or Mrs Last Name, but that's "out the window" generally speaking outside of the school environment.

 

Bill

[mom2att]

Growing up in the Midwest, it was Mr./Mrs. Lastname, with the exception of very good friends/neighbors who were known by the whole family. But the parents of my friends from school, adults at church, and of course teachers were Mr./Mrs. Lastname.

 

Then I moved to the south and everyone was Miss/Mr. Firstname. And "Miss Firstname" is for any woman, single or married. I imagine teachers in school are still the conventional Mr./Mrs. Lastname, but for everyone else, the more casual Miss/Mr. Firstname is the norm. And as a homeschool parent, I prefer this. I am good friends with the parents of my kids' friends--without exception we are on a first name basis. To have parent and child referring to the same person by the same name is just easier, and around here perfectly acceptable. Of course we have the kids put the Miss/Mr. in front of the first name, but we don't have to think twice about who we're talking about.

[FlockOfSillies]

Well, the neighbor kids call me by my first name, and it drives me nuts. Look, kid, I'm not your peer; I'm a grown-up, you're a kid. Got that? :glare:

[Guest janainaz]

I grew up addressing adults by Mr. or Mrs., but it seems that it's not the culture anymore.

 

My kids call an adult what they ask to be called. Usually you find that out in an initial introduction. Rather than focusing on a title, it's more about my kids treating others with respect overall. If an adult asks to be called Mr. or Mrs., I would certainly expect my kids to address them in that way.

 

On personal level, I have told kids that it's ok to address me by my first name and I have never thought that it would offend another mother. It truly has never crossed my mind. However, if I have been introduced using a title of respect, I'm fine being called that, but to me, it's not necessary. Again, if a child is respectful to me that is all I really care about. That is just me.

[peachskittles]

Okay so I'm going to be weird it seems. My boys call people by their first name. I grew up calling adults by their first names except for school. I think I even called the librarian at the public library by her first name. I never even considered calling people Mr./Mrs./Miss or teaching my kids that was the way to address adults. If someone insisted on being called a more proper name, I'd let my kids know that this is what he or she prefers.

 

Honestly, I don't think I have ever had a child address me by my last name. I grew up near Gary, IN and lived most of my life there. I wonder if that has something to do with it. :confused: I currently live in Iowa and haven't encountered children calling adults Mr./Mrs./Miss. I sure hope I haven't offended anyone by insisting they call me by my first name.

[QueenCat]

 

You should realize this is regional. When I was in college I spent a summer in VA. I had never heard anyone use "sir" or Ma'm" except in a disrespectful, sarcastic way in my life. When I was there, it was expected and I got in the habit of it. When I returned home I had to drop it. People would think I was being rude (sarcastic) if I used sir or ma'm. People do not consider it polite here.

 

:iagree: Sir and Ma'm was considered RUDE where I grew up (Maryland). That would get most kids sent to their room. Or to the principal's office, back in the day when respect was expected, and that meant Mrs. LastName, not ma'm in that part of the country. Moved to Georgia, and had to learn a new way.

I personally prefer Ms. Cathie, as I like the more casual feeling of it, and it is how I introduce myself to children. I teach my children to call an adult by the name in which they introduce themselves, and to ask, if it is not clear as to the preference. Granted, mine are almost 18 and 20, and many adults tell them to skip the Mr/Mrs and just call them by their first name.

[Ellie]

I taught my dc to call adults Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. LastName. I think it's more respectful than first names. I must say it wasn't common in California, where most people allow their dc to call adults by first names.

 

It is common in the South for adults to be called Mr. or Miss FirstName.

[Tree House Academy]

I try, very hard, to have my kids address adults by Mr. or Mrs. (first name) if they are good friends, Mr. or Mrs. (last name) if they are just acquaintances. Our pastor, of course, is Pastor (first name).

[jld]

I grew up in rural Indiana, and everyone but school teachers and priests went by their first names.

 

Eventually I ended up in a more urban area of the Midwest, and there some people seemed to expect kids to call them Mr./Mrs., and took offense if they didn't. More relaxed people seemed okay with first names.

 

I just try to go with what people want to be called. I do feel a little silly when anybody calls me Mrs. I just don't feel that old, lol!

[JeneralMom]

When I was growing up, everyone was referred to as Mr/Mrs. I still cannot refer to some of my friends' parents by their first name and none refer to my parents by their first names. When I moved to the States (Kansas) people would introduce me to their children by my first name and I would correct with Ms. LastName. I really offended people so I rethought it. When I had kids I just slipped into the FirstName with friends and Mr/Mrs LastName with older people. When I moved to Texas, people referred to themselves as Miss FirstName, and introduced me to their children as Miss Jennifer, so I got used to it eventhough it sounded odd at first. I hate sir and ma'am but have found that living here, my kids have started using it casually.

 

I think I will keep the Miss Jennifer or just Jennifer because I have one last name, my DH has another and our kids are hyphenated. We refer to ourselves as the LastName-LastName family, but I hate being called Mrs. HisLastName, and dh hates being referred to as Mr. MyLastName.

[Barb_]

I'm in the minority here, I guess. I'm a very casual person in general, but adults insisting that my children call them by their firstname really chaps my hide. What you call someone can dictate to a degree the level of 'intimacy' (for lack of a better word) that you share with that person. I consider it hugely inappropriate for an adult to attempt to create that relationship with my child without my permission.

 

Really? What an odd way of looking at it.

 

Barb

[Barb_]

I am in the don't like Miss FirstName camp, though. To me it sounds massively contrived, and I can't envision a scenario in which I would ever want to address someone that way or be addressed in that way. As ever, YMMV.

 

I realize this is a regional thing, but I think Miss Firstname is a great southern invention along the lines of y'all, particularly for use by little ones. Miss Firstname straddles the fence between too formal and too casual and eliminates the pesky problem of, "I don't know, can't remember, can't pronounce my friend's last name...what do I call his mom?" I think this is why so many preschools use it.

 

I ask little kids, say under 10, to call me Ms. Barb and preteens and teens to say Ms. Lastname.

 

On that note, we've lived everywhere from the deep south, to the northeast, to the casual west, to Florida which defies regional description. We try to follow the conventions of the place. Forms of address are so personal to the receiver (think of how it feels when someone mangles the pronunciation of your name) and so closely tied to personal identity that I think the addressee takes precedence over the addresser, even if one is a child. Unless of course there was something creepy going on an your mom hackles were raised. That should go without saying, but I don't want to get nailed for leaving that part out.

 

Barb

[Lostinabook]

Whatever the adult prefers. If I don't know then I go with Mr./Mrs. Last Name. I prefer being called Ms. First Name, but hardly anyone here does that.

 

I am annoyed by people who believe that they get to dictate both what my children call them AND what their children call me. What address one uses is not a moral issue & I fail to see how insisting on calling someone by a name which said person does not wish to be called is respectful.

[hornblower]

First name is common here. I can't think of a single person my kids call Mr or Ms anything. Even our very elderly neighbour introduced herself as "Hi, I'm first name." to all of us & she certainly expects the kids to call her that.

 

I'm first name to my nieces and nephews too.

[Mrs Mungo]

Mister/Miss first name is very typical in the military community. We rely on each other as family. Mister/Misses last name would be too formal. We go with last names for people we are not well acquainted with.

 

Auntie/uncle is considered the polite thing here in Hawaii, not to use it is considered *really* rude. So, for the locals at church or the lady that cuts the kids' hair, it is auntie.

[Laura Corin]

I think that this is a regional/cultural thing. In the UK it's very rare to address adults as sir/ma'am. My children mostly call adults by their first names but there is some variation. Their scout leaders go by their first names; the Karate teacher is 'Sensei first name'; the Taekwondo teacher is 'Miss last name'; and at their new school the teachers are 'Mr/Mrs/Ms last name'.

 

Laura

Edited April 10, 2010 by Laura Corin

[jld]

I hear you, Lostinabook. I once had a friend who insisted that both her child call me Mrs. and that my children call her Mrs. Doesn't work that way. We're not friends anymore.

[Cammie]

Over here it is very easy, all older ladies are FirstName Aunty and all older men are FirstName Uncle. If you don't know the first name, just aunty or uncle will do. It would be considered VERY rude for a child here to call an adult by a first name (unless it was a maid or driver.) In our house, we have a rule that ALL adults (including maids and drivers) are treated with the same respect - so everyone is Aunty and Uncle to my kids.