Do you teach your children to see racial distinction?

[Ibbygirl]

My kids have just about every race under the sun in them and we learn about and celebrate each one. It's a beautiful thing to be a "child of the world" and to embrace every part of themselves.

[KrissiK]

We are a caucasian couple who adopted 3 multi-racial children. We live in an area that is highly hispanic and highly integrated racially. We think nothing of hispanic/caucasian marriages and the people around here are every shade of color under the sun, really. I think that's a blessing for our family because our children aren't different color than anyone else and a lot of their friends may be darker skinned, but have lighter skinned parents.

[zaichiki]

We are a multicultural nuclear family and we have a multiracial extended family. The kids have grown up knowing that Aunt So and So has darker skin than they do. They don't even comment. They know she's from another country and that people there mostly have darker skin and brown eyes. It's no big deal.

 

We've also lived in urban and suburban areas where there is a lot of diversity. My kids will sometimes ask me questions about where a certain person (or their ancestors) is from -- and we talk about where my ancestors were from and where their father's ancestors were from.

 

I guess my kids connect physical differences in people (eye, hair, and skin color and eye shape etc.) with geographical places and/or ancestry.

 

My only child to have ever pointed and loudly commented about "that black person" was my youngest ds. He was about 2 and I was horrified (and embarrassed and wondering where on earth he heard the term "black person"). Turns out he was labeling the person based on the black clothes they were wearing! Ha! (I was quite relieved when I later figured this out.) The next time he did it I remembered to respond just loudly enough to be heard that we don't call people by the color of their clothes. :D

Edited March 16, 2010 by zaichiki

[Peela]

I think often in Australia we tend to be quite irreverent and not very politicaly correct when it comes to various races. Australian culture has many nicknames for different races but I believe it is rarely meant to be offensive- rarely derrogatory- although sometimes people do get offended and there are terms I dont use, for sure. We are as likely to create nicknames for white skinned foreigners as for our dark skinned aborigines.

That being said, I dont make a big deal about it at home with the kids, but if we didnt live in an environment where other colours and shapes and sizes and languages werenot fairly common, I might put more atention on it.

[Cammie]

I am a white (Swedish, Irish, English, French Canadian, etc, etc, etc, etc) mom married to an Indian. My kids look a little Indian and we live in India. One of the funniest moments with DS was when he told me - "Mom, you should have black hair - ALL mom's have black hair." Then, a few weeks later we were in London and he whispered to me "Mom, I just saw some moms with PINK hair!" :lol::lol::lol: I related this to just say, kids do notice differences. The differences are not the problem and the kids noticing the differences are not the problem. The problem comes when we try to add other characteriistics to those differences (ie "all moms with pink hair are wierd!")

[mommaduck]

One race of many shades of melanin, different ethnicities and cultures...as well as mixed ethnicities and cultures (which if you keep going back is throughout history anyhow in each area). And then there is the TCK culture (which is a mix and yet creates ppl that are quite a bit outside any box).

 

My children understand diversity and have seen both positives and negatives, based on ppl's choice of behaviours or prejudices. I teach them that we are all one human race and each beautiful as God has created us.

[texasmama]

We live in a fairly racially diverse community with a racially diverse church so my kids have always been exposed to races other than our own (caucasian). This year, we read a biography about Rosa Parks and my oldest son developed an interest in the civil rights movement (on his own...it was just a tremendous interest of his). That led to reading biographies of Martin Luther King, Jr. and a book on Coretta Scott King...then another on Rosa Parks. We also bought and watched a movie about Rosa Parks and are now watching a movie about MLK.

 

All this to say that it has been a huge education for the entire family about the civil rights movement. My children have learned what blacks endured during this time and what the endured to gain basic rights. My kids are baffled that things were ever this way. I am very glad that we have taken the time and opportunity to give the kids an idea of how life was during a different time and for a different group of people.

 

Prior to this, my oldest son referred to black or African American people as "brown" if he referred to them as anything except "the guy in the red shirt". We really haven't had to "teach" anything about race. The teaching has come with reading the books about the civil rights movement and the people involved in it.

[HeidiKC]

I just read an article about this recently on research that was done on young children concerning this topic. I wish I could remember the magazine! The children were preschoolers, maybe to age 5 or 6? Before reading that, I'd thought it was best not to mention racial differences since we're all people, etc. and why does it matter what color someone's skin is, etc. Just as I wouldn't discuss eye color with my child and whether or not it meant anything, why would I discuss skin color or ethnicity???

 

BUT... after reading the article, I was really surprised. They found that kids whose parents behave as I have (not mentioning/ignoring racial differences) were much more likely to have somewhat negative opinions of people of different races. I can't remember the details or why the researchers think the kids had those opinions, but the research was clear: You need to point out differences to YOUNG kids (3) and tell them the differences don't matter. They can't pick that up on their own, apparently.

[anabelneri]

Ok, I have a bunch of things to share but first I want to say that I'm trying to come from a place of acceptance of all peoples and races. I'm hopeful that I can manage to reflect that acceptance in what I'm writing, but the topic of race is so, so volatile that I'm really worried about a misstep.

 

We've spent quite a while talking about race and the importance of recognizing and celebrating race and culture with our daughter. We live in a very, very diverse area, but our family is very, very white. It's led to some interesting reflections over the past couple years, because so much about race and racial awareness is stuff that we don't often talk about (in "white" American culture), and it can be hard to put into words.

 

One thing we've worked hard on is identifying parts of our culture as white Americans. Some friends of ours (from a variety of backgrounds) shared with us once that one of the most frustrating things for them in dealing with racism in the U.S. is that so many people of the majority culture don't even see themselves as having culture, when of course that's totally untrue. Our culture has a lot of components that might be similar to other cultures and might be different, but if we don't identify them then we don't have a good grounding to stand on in the larger discussion about how to heal and move forward as a society from our previous and current wrongs towards various groups. But I've also realized in the course of all this how much we share with our neighbors who are from different backgrounds, which has been a totally fun and wonderful realization.

 

For example, we live in an apartment complex where are closest neighbors are African American, Persian, Native American, Mexican, Ecuadoran, Chinese (Mandarin-speaking), and Japanese, and Hungarian/Turkish. It just happens that one of the African-American families, the Persian family, and Hungarian/Turkish family have kids my daughter's age, and she has played with them quite a bit. I have tended to identify as having a European heritage (since that's where my ancestors came from) so I was sort of "feeling" closer in heritage to the Hungarian family, until one day it hit me that the African American family and our family had a whole lot more in common, right down to the foods we ate and how we celebrated birthdays. I was so excited that day that I think I giggled through the rest of it. My daughter thought I was nuts. But I'd spent 6th-12th grades living in North Carolina and really feeling the terribleness of racism and the continued aftermath of slavery, the Civil War, and the Civil Rights Movement (which seemed to me unfinished since the KKK still held marches nearby). Before that I'd lived in Colorado and Arizona, where the racial issues were totally different, so moving to NC was totally eye-opening and majorly challenging.

 

Another instance that was fun in talking about race and culture with my daughter was when she was starting to notice that some people were different than herself or our family. At that time she mostly only encountered white people (for some reason our homeschooling group is mostly white or light-skinned) except in certain locations, like in our downtown which is heavily Asian, or at the park which tends to be heavily used by the Latino families in our area. Anyway, we were talking about being American, and how one of the beauties of the U.S. is our diversity. She wasn't getting it, so we started talking specifics. I pointed out one married couple that we know, where it might seem to her that the husband was American and the wife wasn't (he's white and her heritage is Thai), but that actually she was born and raised in Chicago, while he was Canadian. Nothing against Canadians, but she was the American, like us. Another couple we know both seemed to her to be American, because both members are white, but actually in that case the husband is Dutch. It came out to a lovely conversation about how you can't tell by looking whether or not you share part of your culture with someone. The only way to know is to talk to them, and get to know them, and then you can see what you have in common and what fun differences you might have.

 

Since my daughter was so aware of skin tones, we have talked about it in a straightforward manner. One of our favorite books has been The Color of Us by Karen Katz. It gave us a great jumping-off point that really helped with my observant (and loud) daughter when she was 2, 3, and 4 years old. It really helped my stress levels when she would tell someone that they were chocolate-brown, then follow it up by calling herself toasted-rice colored. That was so, so much better than before the book.

 

We also really used the Obama election to help her learn about race relations in our society. The day he got elected, it was both wonderful and terrible to explain to her that we were crying because something had been healed in our nation. I know that not everyone likes Obama for political & policy reasons, and that's cool, but at least for our family it was a great joy to cross that bridge into having our first black President. Another step toward healing has been taken, and I'm glad that one of my daughters saw it, and that my other daughter will never know a United States that had only had white Presidents.

 

So I guess that's all a long-winded way of saying yes, we do talk about racial distinctions, but in the context of acceptance of all races and cultures, and of our responsibility as members of the majority race towards others to acknowledge the brokenness of the American system in terms of race, and to work towards healing the wounds of our history. We also honor Black History Month, Asian New Year, and being here in California we celebrate Cesar Chavez day (March 31st... it's coming up!)

[stripe]

I think we'd like to believe / pretend that if we don't discuss race with our children, it will all magically go away and the world will be healed.

 

However, I have mixed children and they've just asked about different skin color, so ... it's silly to pretend. I had to actively address rather off-color remarks they were making due to ignorance and directly tell them no matter how people look, they are all entitled to be treated well and one cannot assume some people are better than others. I think it's better to address it.

 

I am not really a believer in the typical American racial beliefs but skin color differences are something that one cannot pretend doesn't exist.

[Laurie4b]

 

One thing we've worked hard on is identifying parts of our culture as white Americans. Some friends of ours (from a variety of backgrounds) shared with us once that one of the most frustrating things for them in dealing with racism in the U.S. is that so many people of the majority culture don't even see themselves as having culture, when of course that's totally untrue. Our culture has a lot of components that might be similar to other cultures and might be different, but if we don't identify them then we don't have a good grounding to stand on in the larger discussion about how to heal and move forward as a society from our previous and current wrongs towards various groups. But I've also realized in the course of all this how much we share with our neighbors who are from different backgrounds, which has been a totally fun and wonderful realization.

 

For example, we live in an apartment complex where are closest neighbors are African American, Persian, Native American, Mexican, Ecuadoran, Chinese (Mandarin-speaking), and Japanese, and Hungarian/Turkish. It just happens that one of the African-American families, the Persian family, and Hungarian/Turkish family have kids my daughter's age, and she has played with them quite a bit. I have tended to identify as having a European heritage (since that's where my ancestors came from) so I was sort of "feeling" closer in heritage to the Hungarian family, until one day it hit me that the African American family and our family had a whole lot more in common, right down to the foods we ate and how we celebrated birthdays. I was so excited that day that I think I giggled through the rest of it. My daughter thought I was nuts. But I'd spent 6th-12th grades living in North Carolina and really feeling the terribleness of racism and the continued aftermath of slavery, the Civil War, and the Civil Rights Movement (which seemed to me unfinished since the KKK still held marches nearby). Before that I'd lived in Colorado and Arizona, where the racial issues were totally different, so moving to NC was totally eye-opening and majorly challenging.

 

Another instance that was fun in talking about race and culture with my daughter was when she was starting to notice that some people were different than herself or our family. At that time she mostly only encountered white people (for some reason our homeschooling group is mostly white or light-skinned) except in certain locations, like in our downtown which is heavily Asian, or at the park which tends to be heavily used by the Latino families in our area. Anyway, we were talking about being American, and how one of the beauties of the U.S. is our diversity. She wasn't getting it, so we started talking specifics. I pointed out one married couple that we know, where it might seem to her that the husband was American and the wife wasn't (he's white and her heritage is Thai), but that actually she was born and raised in Chicago, while he was Canadian. Nothing against Canadians, but she was the American, like us. Another couple we know both seemed to her to be American, because both members are white, but actually in that case the husband is Dutch. It came out to a lovely conversation about how you can't tell by looking whether or not you share part of your culture with someone. The only way to know is to talk to them, and get to know them, and then you can see what you have in common and what fun differences you might have.

 

 

I think you make two really important points: 1) because white folks in the US are the majority culture, our white culture's ways of doing things tends to be the overall culture's way of doing things; therefore, white folks can tend to feel that they don't have a particular culture (as you said.) Just one instance of this is attitude toward time. White Americans, Brits, and Germans (there may be some others) have a very strong orientation to time. Other cultures are less oriented to the clock and may tend to be more oriented toward people/events and are more flexible about the actual clock time. Being time-oriented is part of white culture and because we're the majority, part of the overall culture, but many white folks don't realize that other ethnicities/nationalities are having to adjust to fit in. We just think that's "normal and polite." People from other cultures may think it's weird and rude (for instance to start before everyone is there).

2) Your distinction between American and ethnicity--that someone with a Thai heritage who is American born and bred is "American" while someone who shares much of the ethnic culture of white America is not American, but Canadian. I know several people of Asian background who were born and raised here who are nonetheless asked when they first meet someone of majority culture: "When are you going back?"

[Impish]

I was working in a real estate office just before Wolf and I were married. My parents weren't attending the wedding...they live across the country and said they couldn't afford the trip. One of the agents asked me, "Are they not coming because its a mixed race marriage?"

:blink:

My response was an eloquent, "Huh?"

"Well, Wolf isn't white."

"Yeah, he's of a different culture and heritage, but he's still of the human race."

She walked away.

 

I went home and talked to Wolf about it. Until this agent had said something, it had never occurred to me that my marriage would be considered 'biracial'. He'd always just been Wolf to me, not a 'race'.

 

I'm proud of his heritage. Tazzie attended his first pow wow in utero...just about made me sick from all the dancing around he did with the drumming! :lol:

 

That being said, we've certainly had issues with racism. I was accused of fooling around on Wolf by a stranger at Diva's school, because Tazzie was 'too white', having been born with blonde hair and blue eyes. Wolf's father was Swedish/Norwegian. His adopted family had their comments too. :glare:

 

I've had comments from First Nations women, even a threat to 'kick my a**' because I was with him.

 

As for the kids...We're just Mommy and Daddy. None of them have ever commented or questioned.

 

When Obama was elected, Diva asked me what the big deal was. I explained to her that he's African American. She looked at me blankly and said, "So?" I explained more about the situation, and she was just stunned that all the hoopla was over skin colour.

 

I love that kid. :001_wub: We must be doing something right.

 

I did, however, take the opportunity to explain about MLK, Rosa Parks, etc. She was sickened. "All that about SKIN COLOUR? That's STUPID!"

 

Love that kid. :D

[triadofchaos]

I haven't read the whole thread yet (just the 1st and last pgs. so far), but wanted to just share a resource really quickly in case I can't get all the way through it before I need to hop off the computer this morning.

 

The Southern Poverty Law Center has a project called Teaching Tolerance that disperses teaching materials for free to educators (home educators included) who are looking for interdisciplinary materials to help teach about some of the issues folks mentioned on the couple of pages I've read so far. We've used them as an interesting jumping off point for discussion here. If you're at all interested, here is the web address to order materials for free, including free shipping. http://www.tolerance.org/teaching-kits

 

I don't have any relationship with this organization, I just found their materials well done and helpful as an educational resource.

[TXMomof4]

I think there's a big difference between addressing race issues and culture issues. My kids are ones who don't really seem to notice skin color. I will never forget my daughter trying to tell me about a girl in her class at church and she described *everything* about her except the fact that she was the only black girl in the class.

 

However, they desperately want to understand the Buddah statue at the nail place. They are fascinated with the Muslim women wearing their hair covers or burquas and why they don't all wear the same. The Mennonites are amazing with their hair covers and dresses because it isn't the same as us. Those are the cultural differences I find us talking about more often, not whether someone has the same color skin as we do.

 

They are used to going to the mall and seeing all people of all colors shopping in the same stores or buying the same food at the grocery store. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, purple or green if you're buying cheetos just like we are.

[Scarlett]

 

I put in my paper that I thought it was ludicrous and preposterous to not notice what each person brings to the table and that includes things such as race. That is something someone would have to work VERY hard at to NOT bring to the table. And really it is something that does influence who they are. And really, it SHOULD. And that should be a GOOD thing and should be CELEBRATED!

 

 

Like the time my 6 year old son referred to the black boy in his piano class as 'the brown boy' and the boy's mother flipped out on me? I thought it was crazy then and I think it is crazy now. I tried to explain to that mother that my young, very NON racist child was only describing what he saw in a most literal way. He, at that time, referred to his dad as 'red skinned' and his Nana as 'white skinned.' He just noticed the very different tones to all of us.

 

I asked her (kindly) why it was so offenseive to her. She looked at me as if I must be the most stupid person on earth and said, 'Have you never heard of slavery?'

 

:confused1:

[emeraldjoy]

Yes! Very, very powerful.

 

I would suspect that it's more those in the majority group who can talk about being colorblind. If most people look like you and a few don't, it's not really an issue. But if almost everyone doesn't look like you, it is more likely to be an issue. Has anyone read "Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack of White Privilege"?

[sarawatsonim]

We live in a very diverse area of the country. While our children learn about a variety of cultures and traditions, I do not teach my children that there are different races of people.

 

I believe we are all ONE race.

 

Why? Simply put because I have never wanted them to think differently about a person who has a better suntan than I have. I grew up with grandparents who are very racist and I refuse to pass that down to my children.

 

I celebrate diversity. I celebrate the wonderful heritage, culture, and traditions of people in our country, but I will not teach my children to associate any of that with a physical attribute. I do actively teach my children to be open and accepting of those who come from different traditions and cultural backgrounds.

 

Yes, I have also taught them about racism and the horrible behaviors of those who judge, classify, and group people on the basis of appearance.

 

:iagree:

We went to Barbados a few years ago when dd was 2.5 and I thought she might have questions or make distinctions. She never did though, not once. It made me happy to know that she was seeing people not colours.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Scarlet, I honestly believe people find it good that their 5yr old never said such a thing or bad that some kid at piano lesson did because we are TAUGHT to not do so and that doing so is offensive.

 

However, I think if we thought about it for just a minute, we'd see that it was dumb to leave out skin color in descriptions. Seriously, saying braids or curly hair or glasses or braces or blue eyes or approx. age or whatever is great. Those describe the person. Skin color is JUST another descriptor!

 

People have taken it way too far.

 

I'm so glad I'm part of a group who doesn't get into this all. Mentioning skin color is not racist in the least. And tiptoeing around it is probably more dividing that recognizing our differences as well as similarities.

[OhM]

Mentioning skin color is not racist in the least. And tiptoeing around it is probably more dividing that recognizing our differences as well as similarities.

 

I'd agree that the tiptoeing can go too far. Others have probably been involved in conversations like one at my workplace: the extremely PC-sensitive boss was falling all over herself trying to describe which candidate for a new position was her favorite to those of us who only saw them come in, and didn't know names. The "shorter guy, with glasses, who was the second interview?" He also happened to be the only non-white of the four candidates. Wouldn't that have been the easier way to differentiate him?

[AuntPol]

We live in a relatively diverse neighborhood. At least 50% of our neighbors are non-white. Our church and Scout troops are diverse too. My daughter takes a liturgical ballet class and is only white child in the class.

 

We went to a public magnet school that was majority black. In fact, there were years that my daughter would be the only white girl in her class. It was not a good experience and instead of encouraging appreciation for diversity, it created racism in my children. The school was very "pro-black". No history was taught except black history. Black history meant reading about MLK and putting up posters of every famous black person you can think of (Beyonce, Chris Rock, Queen Latifah, etc.). They had a black history assembly every year. Kids were required to stand at attention for the Black anthem but not the national anthem. Books that the teachers read had to have a black person in them or animals. They were not allowed to read books about white people at all. The award ceremonies were created to make sure every black child received an award that year but many of the white children were left-especially the ones that were well-behaved and good students. There was an award for the district for best minority student and who ever won for our school was put all over the school and a big deal was made. However, students who won awards for other things (not just for the school but in the district and beyond) were ignored. There were two sets of rules -one for the black kids and one for the white kids. White kids were suspended at very first offense. Black kids were not. Teachers were told not to send black kids to the office. It was crazy. Kids noticed. It didn't help that the black kids were poor, almost all failing, and majority had poor behavior, and the white kids were middle class, gifted or above average students, and most were well behaved. It was really hard to make the distinction of it being about economic class more than anything else. Middle class black families came to the school but left quickly because they were disgusted by the way the school ran things. Overall, I felt that the differences were just too extreme and the diversity too forced to be of any good. It was too hard to say "don't stereotype" when 99% of the people they encountered fit certain stereotypes.

 

Now that we homeschool, it's easier because we are moving within circles of people who have similar interests. We get together based on interest and thus color doesn't matter. My kids and I have friends all over the racial spectrum, as well as age spectrum, disability spectrum, and economic spectrum. We enjoying sharing in our friends cultures and sharing ours with them.

[Scarlett]

I'd agree that the tiptoeing can go too far. Others have probably been involved in conversations like one at my workplace: the extremely PC-sensitive boss was falling all over herself trying to describe which candidate for a new position was her favorite to those of us who only saw them come in, and didn't know names. The "shorter guy, with glasses, who was the second interview?" He also happened to be the only non-white of the four candidates. Wouldn't that have been the easier way to differentiate him?

 

I find too that those who go to such lengths to avoid describing someone by skin color can be MORE racist. I remember a man, upper management, coming into our department one day and looking for a worker. He couldn't remember her name. He tried several ways to describe her and finally in exasperation whispered to me, 'you know...she has the black boyfriend!'

[Pamela H in Texas]

I really think we ALL need to start being REASONABLE and BALANCED. I don't think we're doing anyone any favors by swinging from one extreme to the other.

[mommaduck]

I would suspect that it's more those in the majority group who can talk about being colorblind. If most people look like you and a few don't, it's not really an issue. But if almost everyone doesn't look like you, it is more likely to be an issue. Has anyone read "Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack of White Privilege"?

 

Yes, but there are many places where "white" is the minority. The city I live in has a lot of hispanic landlords and some will not rent to "white" people. We were told that directly by the hispanic realtor we rent through. As a child, I was one of three "white" kids in a class full of asians (italian, european, and then me na/european mix).

[Laurie4b]

I think there's a big difference between addressing race issues and culture issues. My kids are ones who don't really seem to notice skin color. I will never forget my daughter trying to tell me about a girl in her class at church and she described *everything* about her except the fact that she was the only black girl in the class.

 

However, they desperately want to understand the Buddah statue at the nail place. They are fascinated with the Muslim women wearing their hair covers or burquas and why they don't all wear the same. The Mennonites are amazing with their hair covers and dresses because it isn't the same as us. Those are the cultural differences I find us talking about more often, not whether someone has the same color skin as we do.

 

They are used to going to the mall and seeing all people of all colors shopping in the same stores or buying the same food at the grocery store. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, purple or green if you're buying cheetos just like we are.

 

But skin color is typically correlated with culture. African American culture, Asian American culture, white American culture, First American culture, and Latino American culture all have certain overlaps but certain distinctives as well. (There are also subgroups within each culture, so that a southern rural white will likely have more in common with a southern rural African American than with another white person who is an upper class urban dweller above the Mason-Dixon line; however, there will also be cultural differences between the southern rural white and southern rural African American.)

[RoughCollie]

I tell you one thing my kids are surprised about, now that we've moved to a lower demographic area that is 99.9% white and apparently untouched by political correctness.

 

Some people are openly racist and use words to refer to people of other races that I have never in my life uttered.

 

My kids were shocked by the prevalence and acceptance of this -- it is no big deal, except to my kids.

 

I remember when I moved to Boston from Georgia. So many people secretly told me how they felt about other races. They were politically correct for sure because what came out of their mouths when they talked to me was 100% different than what they espoused in public. They figured that since I was from the South, I agreed with them!

 

Meanwhile, I worked for a large company in the South. Some of my coworkers traveled around the country frequently. They hated going to Boston because of the racism they encountered there. They thought it was far worse than what they had experienced in Georgia.

Edited March 16, 2010 by RoughCollie

[stripe]

But skin color is typically correlated with culture. African American culture, Asian American culture, white American culture, First American culture, and Latino American culture all have certain overlaps but certain distinctives as well.

That is very broad, though -- Asian Americans both people with heritage from India and from Thailand and China, all very different places; Latino/a / Hispanic includes people from all over the place, and so on. They don't see themselves as having the same culture, just because American bureaucracy lumps them in the same group. Not surprisingly, most countries have utterly different ways of defining ethnic groups than we do.

 

Furthermore "white" people, African Americans, Latinos, Native Americans, and Asian Americans do not each have their own skin type. People from India, for example, come in all shades between very pale and extremely dark. White people from the south of Italy are a different color than Swedish blondes. Many people from Syria and Lebanon are blond(e) with green/blue eyes, while other people with Arab heritage (that being basically a linguistic distinction, not a "racial one, just like being "Hispanic," and the same reality applies).

 

All blonde, blue eyed people do not share the same culture. All people with dark brown skin don't share the same culture. At all.

 

And that's not even getting into mixing!

 

Incidentally I read a few years ago that African Americans as a group are darker than they used to be -- not so much regular (forced) mixing lightening up the collective complexion.

 

About being "colorblind" -- I saw an interview with Tom Cruise where he said he never discussed race with his adopted, very brown-skinned children AT ALL because he just doesn't think it's relevant. Do you think that's really fair to those kids?

[stripe]

Yes, but there are many places where "white" is the minority. The city I live in has a lot of hispanic landlords and some will not rent to "white" people. We were told that directly by the hispanic realtor we rent through.

? They should be reported to the local equal housing board.

[Momma H]

We adopted 2 kids and my daughter is half black.

It was interesting because we had never really brought up race in a big way and the social worker asked if we were worried about discrimination. My older kids got a blank look on thier faces and we had to explain to them that sometimes people are mean to other poeple because of thier races. They both said, "That is ridiculous, why would that matter?"

[mommaduck]

? They should be reported to the local equal housing board.

 

The issue is proving it.

[TXMomof4]

That is very broad, though -- Asian Americans both people with heritage from India and from Thailand and China, all very different places; Latino/a / Hispanic includes people from all over the place, and so on. They don't see themselves as having the same culture, just because American bureaucracy lumps them in the same group. Not surprisingly, most countries have utterly different ways of defining ethnic groups than we do.

 

Furthermore "white" people, African Americans, Latinos, Native Americans, and Asian Americans do not each have their own skin type. People from India, for example, come in all shades between very pale and extremely dark. White people from the south of Italy are a different color than Swedish blondes. Many people from Syria and Lebanon are blond(e) with green/blue eyes, while other people with Arab heritage (that being basically a linguistic distinction, not a "racial one, just like being "Hispanic," and the same reality applies).

?

 

:iagree: I think it's far more damaging to our children for them to assume that because someone looks the generic "Asian" that they are all the same. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Phillipino, etc. - the variations are endless. They all have unique and interesting histories that are valuable for me and my kids to learn about and recognize as being very different.

 

All black people are not from the same *cultural* background. Some may embrace their African heritage, some are as 'whitebread' as my family, some are from the DR, some are from NO. They all have different traditions and different experiences that they embrace and for me to portray them all as a homogenous black is wrong. That takes no account for the truly rich, different heritages that they all have and value. If I take the time to find out about their individual culture I am learning far more about the world and the people who make it up and my experience will be richer as a result.

[Jenny in Atl]

We too focus more on culture than color, and in a way that's celebratory. As an artist, there is no way I can't notice the color of another's skin, or hair, or the shape of their face. It's all in how you look at it; does one enjoy our differences or does one fear them...

[6packofun]

Nope. We "see" racial distinctions all the time--how can we not? LOL It's just not a big deal. We don't think there is anything intrinsically or socially better about hanging out with all sorts of people so that we can call ourselves well-rounded, ethnically sensitive or whatever buzzwords you want to use. And yet we do hang out with all sorts of people. :p People are people, they're different, sometimes we chat about it, but we respect PEOPLE. The end.

 

I don't understand why it has to be so forced. We went to a "racially (and economically) diverse" church for several years and recently switched to a S. Baptist church where I haven't seen a single black person. We don't bemoan the fact that there aren't more people of color or whatever, but we wouldn't hesitate to invite them and worship with them. There are just a lot more things to be intentional about, IMO, because responses and actions can become unnatural. Just as an example and not to pick on anyone at all, I wonder why the family mentioned in this thread "sounds beautiful!"--as opposed to a plain, white bread family? LOL Why beautiful? I guess it sounds good and tolerant and evolved or something. Interesting reaction! All families are beautiful and THAT is the message we send our kids.

 

Lo and behold, our kids have had friends of all races and don't think anything of it. They tell me something different and cool about how another family lives and that's that. Neat. I think when we could care less because all people are naturally valued and beautiful to us, then we've come a long way in the racial/ethnic thing. :D No need to list the ethnicities represented in our circle of friends or church or whatever. Awesome.

 

I edited to add that this doesn't mean we are not interested in other cultures or countries by any means. We are and always like to learn about these things because we're just interested in people. :)

Edited March 16, 2010 by 6packofun
...

[Hockey Mom]

Nope. We "see" racial distinctions all the time--how can we not? LOL It's just not a big deal. We don't think there is anything intrinsically or socially better about hanging out with all sorts of people so that we can call ourselves well-rounded, ethnically sensitive or whatever buzzwords you want to use. And yet we do hang out with all sorts of people. :p People are people, they're different, sometimes we chat about it, but we respect PEOPLE. The end.

 

I don't understand why it has to be so forced. We went to a "racially (and economically) diverse" church for several years and recently switched to a S. Baptist church where I haven't seen a single black person. We don't bemoan the fact that there aren't more people of color or whatever, but we wouldn't hesitate to invite them and worship with them. There are just a lot more things to be intentional about, IMO, because responses and actions can become unnatural. Just as an example and not to pick on anyone at all, I wonder why the family mentioned in this thread "sounds beautiful!"--as opposed to a plain, white bread family? LOL Why beautiful? I guess it sounds good and tolerant and evolved or something. Interesting reaction! All families are beautiful and THAT is the message we send our kids.

 

Lo and behold, our kids have had friends of all races and don't think anything of it. They tell me something different and cool about how another family lives and that's that. Neat. I think when we could care less because all people are naturally valued and beautiful to us, then we've come a long way in the racial/ethnic thing. :D No need to list the ethnicities represented in our circle of friends or church or whatever. Awesome.

 

I edited to add that this doesn't mean we are not interested in other cultures or countries by any means. We are and always like to learn about these things because we're just interested in people. :)

 

Word for word, I agree with everything you have posted here. :)

[Mejane]

I think it's far more damaging to our children for them to assume that because someone looks the generic "Asian" that they are all the same. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Phillipino, etc. - the variations are endless. They all have unique and interesting histories that are valuable for me and my kids to learn about and recognize as being very different.

 

 

Yes, as well as their own prejudices within the group. My closest friend during my working years was Puerto Rican. She often told me that among Latinos, Cubans looked down on Puerto Ricans who looked down on Mexicans. Who knew?

[Liz CA]

I think it would not be the sensitive issue that it is if there never had been the horrors of slavery and everything that came with it. If we had all found ourselves in one country - with different skin colors - and there had never been any tension whatsoever, we probably would not care if someone said: "The black boy up the street," or "the white woman in the store."

 

As far as the original question... one of ds's first real friends was black. My ds said one day, very casually:"L is a lot darker than I am and he does not need a whole lot of sunscreen." I don't think he ever thought anything else and he has another friend now who is also black. We really don't think of him as black, we think if him as "Aaron."

 

Edited March 16, 2010 by Liz CA

[eternalknot]

I think we'd like to believe / pretend that if we don't discuss race with our children, it will all magically go away and the world will be healed.

 

:iagree: - despite the best of intentions, it's akin to burying one's head in the sand IMO.

 

I would suspect that it's more those in the majority group who can talk about being colorblind. If most people look like you and a few don't, it's not really an issue. But if almost everyone doesn't look like you, it is more likely to be an issue. Has anyone read "Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack of White Privilege"?

 

:iagree::iagree: - I've been in both situations: racial minority AND racial majority. Very eye-opening experiences, especially in how my own attitude and behaviors were affected and changed depending upon my status in the greater community. I learned a lot about myself, not all of it favorable. I'll have to look for your reading recommendation - thanks for the suggestion!

 

We discuss racial distinction, unapologetically. My husband is white (1st generation American from Europe); I'm not (2nd generation American, though). One kid looks like my husband, and nobody would ever know he came from mixed parentage. The other kid looks like me, though sometimes can pass for mixed depending on where we are. We live in a small semi-rural community that is 98% white and has a median income of $145K based on government demographics. Anyone who is not white is automatically assumed to be the hired help, which has made for interesting comments directed towards me at the playground ::sigh::. My kids have had an early introduction to the subject of race, so it's something we actively discuss.

 

That said, I'm honest with my kids: color is one way to distinguish an individual from a group ("the white kid at the corner") but it's not the most socially acceptable or ever-correct way to do so. Even so, in my extended family my husband is affectionately known as the haole - because that's who he is: he's the white guy. To his extended family, I'm usually referred to the Asian wife because I'm the only non-white female who has married into his family. It's not the sum of who I am, but it's the obvious (and efficient) designator - and that's okay (with me).

 

Race as a designator doesn't bother me if it's at face-value. It's any assumptions or judgments hiding behind the designation that make it offensive; it's not always there, particularly when children are the ones using race to differentiate. I'd rather be respectfully referred to as "the Asian mom" than to be looked at through a fishbowl lens by well-intentioned people who think they know about my culture because they went to one lunar new year festival, like sushi, and have a kid who reads manga or watches anime - you know?

Edited March 16, 2010 by eternalknot

[Guest Sevven]

We live in a very small, European heritage town in the midwest. I was raised in Leavenworth, a suburb of Kansas City and never thought twice about all the different races and ethnicities I grew up with. Being a military town we had larger than average numbers of foreign students at our schools. My father taught me simple Spanish phrases when a girl from Argentina joined our first grade class and I could help her talk to the teachers and other students. I felt proud to be the little "translator" but I never considered Andrea to be any different than the rest of us.

Now that I live in a town with maybe two colored families I've noticed a drastic change in the way people think. It's easy to resent what you aren't exposed to. I'm eager to live in a place with a healthy array of color and I won't teach my children anything about "differences." Pointing it out won't help our children, nor will pointing to the age old "they were hurt" discussion. My children have hurt no one, and the children they are meeting now have never been anyone's slaves. When questions arise answers will gladly follow, but I don't want to be the one to introduce the idea that "equality" has to be taught. My children understand that all people are people. I don't have to tell them they're no better or worse than any others for them to know.

[JennyD]

We are a mixed-race family and live in an extremely diverse environment. I used to think that it was better not to make a point of noticing and discussing differences, on the theory that all that socially constructed nonsense should perish in the dustbin of history anyway. However, at some point I read some research that suggested that in fact this wasn't the best way to teach a child not to be prejudiced (I can't remember exactly what I read, unfortunately, but it must have been the Po Bronson piece mentioned above). Being an empirically minded kind of person, I decided to revise my approach and oh my, I'm glad I did. There were some serious misconceptions under the silence and subsequent conversations have convinced me that explicitly noting and discussing some of these difficult issues is the way to go.

Edited March 19, 2011 by JennyD

[mcconnellboys]

We live in a city and my children have grown up with children of many different ethnicities because of that. They don't really recognize or think of their friends and acquaintances as this or that ethnicity - they are just Joe or Jane.

 

That said, we do study about different smaller ethnic groups within larger cultures of the world, different religions, including a lot of native religions, etc. as they grow up.

 

I've done quite a bit of geneology work on our families (or have been given info by others in the family who have done said work) and we have a pretty diverse background that is common to a lot of early immigrants to the U.S.: British Isles, some German, Native American, and African American. That's pretty typical for those whose families have been in the U.S. since the 1600's. I think that it is important that kids understand what a melting pot our country really is....

[HS Mom in NC]

As the parent of a child adopted from S. Korea (my biological children, my husband, and I are Caucasian) I have to say most white people are annoying about race. They're flat out afraid of it. Most people have been intimidated into fearing all sorts of imagined reactions.

 

We are delighted with the differences people. We sometimes point out how people are different, how they are the same, and we think it's all good. My daughter knows she is Asian and has been told she has lovely golden brown skin with beautiful slanted black eyes and black hair. She knows the rest of us have round eyes that are blue and green and our skin is white. Our hair colors range from red to blond to dark brown. She knows she has a cute little ski slope Asian nose and we have cute bumpy noses.

 

It's so silly how parents will go on and on about who is tall and who is short and who is wearing a red shirt and who has curly hair but (GASP!!!) don't mention any other physical characteristics!

 

A few years ago I was at the grocery store with my daughter when the cashier asked her, "Where are you from? You have slanted eyes like me!" The white woman in line behind me gasped loud enough that we heard her. "I Korea!" she said with a proud smile. "I'm from the Philippines!" The cashier told her. That's the attitude we're going for.

 

God, the Master Artist, loves variety and so do we. It's not a constant theme, but we mention it sometimes and we enjoy it. Each person should be (yes, I'm going to actually type it) proud of what God made them and encourage others to be proud of what God them. It's all to His glory.

 

The Colors of Us is a delightful book celebrating all the different kinds of skin colors that are all beautiful.

[Dmmetler]

We really haven't had to teach it-she's always been in music classes and dance classes that have included children of different racial backgrounds, so it's been normal. It was kind of a shock to her, at about age 5, when she put together "Black history month around us" with the fact that some of her friends had different skin colors. At one point, she got a set of Kelly Dolls for her birthday, which were all of various skin/hair/eye combinations, and she went through and matched them to her friends, very happy that she had dolls that matched Vicki-Lynn and Kryshawna.

 

We did have one tough point when, on a family trip, she proudly picked out a "Sea World Animal trainer" Barbie, and her cousins couldn't understand why she'd picked the Black doll instead of the blonde, blue-eyed one. Her response was "She's really pretty".

[KristinaBreece]

As the parent of a child adopted from S. Korea (my biological children, my husband, and I are Caucasian) I have to say most white people are annoying about race. They're flat out afraid of it. Most people have been intimidated into fearing all sorts of imagined reactions.

 

We are delighted with the differences people. We sometimes point out how people are different, how they are the same, and we think it's all good. My daughter knows she is Asian and has been told she has lovely golden brown skin with beautiful slanted black eyes and black hair. She knows the rest of us have round eyes that are blue and green and our skin is white. Our hair colors range from red to blond to dark brown. She knows she has a cute little ski slope Asian nose and we have cute bumpy noses.

 

It's so silly how parents will go on and on about who is tall and who is short and who is wearing a red shirt and who has curly hair but (GASP!!!) don't mention any other physical characteristics!

 

A few years ago I was at the grocery store with my daughter when the cashier asked her, "Where are you from? You have slanted eyes like me!" The white woman in line behind me gasped loud enough that we heard her. "I Korea!" she said with a proud smile. "I'm from the Philippines!" The cashier told her. That's the attitude we're going for.

 

God, the Master Artist, loves variety and so do we. It's not a constant theme, but we mention it sometimes and we enjoy it. Each person should be (yes, I'm going to actually type it) proud of what God made them and encourage others to be proud of what God them. It's all to His glory.

 

The Colors of Us is a delightful book celebrating all the different kinds of skin colors that are all beautiful.

 

:iagree:

 

I think this is a great attitude to have. Our differences don't make any of us less, they just make us different. To pretend that there aren't those variations seems unnatural & counter-intuitive.

[Paintedlady]

As the parent of a child adopted from S. Korea (my biological children, my husband, and I are Caucasian) I have to say most white people are annoying about race. They're flat out afraid of it. Most people have been intimidated into fearing all sorts of imagined reactions.

 

We are delighted with the differences people. We sometimes point out how people are different, how they are the same, and we think it's all good. My daughter knows she is Asian and has been told she has lovely golden brown skin with beautiful slanted black eyes and black hair. She knows the rest of us have round eyes that are blue and green and our skin is white. Our hair colors range from red to blond to dark brown. She knows she has a cute little ski slope Asian nose and we have cute bumpy noses.

 

It's so silly how parents will go on and on about who is tall and who is short and who is wearing a red shirt and who has curly hair but (GASP!!!) don't mention any other physical characteristics!

 

A few years ago I was at the grocery store with my daughter when the cashier asked her, "Where are you from? You have slanted eyes like me!" The white woman in line behind me gasped loud enough that we heard her. "I Korea!" she said with a proud smile. "I'm from the Philippines!" The cashier told her. That's the attitude we're going for.

 

God, the Master Artist, loves variety and so do we. It's not a constant theme, but we mention it sometimes and we enjoy it. Each person should be (yes, I'm going to actually type it) proud of what God made them and encourage others to be proud of what God them. It's all to His glory.

 

The Colors of Us is a delightful book celebrating all the different kinds of skin colors that are all beautiful.

 

:iagree: Beautiful post and I wholeheartedly agree! My kids are both adopted and biracial, dd is black and Caucasian and ds is Asian and Caucasian and sometimes people fall over themselves being too PC about race to the point of being ridiculous.

[jennynd]

I am Asian and came to US for school in a VERY white town. I went to a mall with some my friends and can't forget that a girl maybe 5 years old look at me like I have 2 heads.

My son is a mix (white and me) I never intentionally teach him race. I do use opportunity like when Obama elected to teach him that no matter what race you are. You have great opportunity to be successful. I think that is all he need to know

[Tarreymere]

We are all so mixed that even the ones that are visibly caucasian are not really even caucasian.........I am a very pale redhead and I am one quarter african american. My paternal grandmother was 'passing for white' back in the days when it was illegal. My grandfather just shrugged and told people 'oh, she's just french'. :001_huh:

 

One of my granddaughters is more than half african american and she is also pale skinned and blonde. Her full brother is a lot darker in skin tone and in hair color. I have two 25% native american children from my previous marriage (Chickasaw, if you are interested). They tan easily but oddly they are both blond and blue eyed. Weird thing, race.

 

I would personally like to see more color in myself and my kids since I have never thought very pale skin was as attractive as the darker golden colors but no such luck. People assume because of my red hair that I am Irish, and I think I might have a dash of that somewhere, but culturally I was raised in a very Eastern European working class immigrant neighborhood and my homemaking practices and my cooking reflect those influences more than anything else. I think the differences make people more interesting.

[Impish]

I decided we were doing something right when Diva couldn't figure out why Pres. Obama's skin colour should have anything to do with anything.

 

Wolf is Metis, I'm a mix-mash. He could pass for any culture from Metis to Hispanic, to Middle Eastern. It never ceases to amaze him what culture someone assumes he is. He's had ppl come up speaking other languages to him, assuming he's from the same culture. :lol:

 

One problem we encounter is there is some very severe racism in his bmom's family. That he married me, had kids is seen as a betrayal. I didn't attend his grandfather's funeral b/c of that sort of attitude, we were afraid that it would cause a scene...turns out one of his cousin's had recently married a Caucasian man, and one of the aunts wigged out, cursing, swearing, telling him he had no right to be there, etc. Wolf's certain that if I'd been there, the aunt would have had no hesitation in physically attacking me. :glare:

[tntgoodwin]

I grew up as a military brat and moved around from place to place every few years. There are a lot of different "races" in the military.

This was one of the reasons I joined the military, I wanted my kids (and wife, frankly) to have the same experience of being exposed to people that weren't all homogeneous. Where we lived before I joined (and where my wife lived her entire life practically) was probably about 70% white, 28% Hispanic (mostly Mexican) and 2% other. Now we live somewhere that is about 80% Asian or Pacific Islander. I think it is wonderful that they get to see people who don't look like them.

[HS Mom in NC]

If you choose to not discuss differences in racial features with your children, you may regret it.

 

When my youngest (a S. Korean adoptee in a Caucasian family) was about 18 months old we were at my middle child's gymnastics class. A woman I chatted with regularly brought her 5 year old to watch her older sister in class. This 5 year old Caucasian ps child apparently had never seen an Asian person up close.

 

Seeing my daughter's very Korean features (most Koreans have not married other people groups in for about 500 years) the child asked me, in front of her mother and all other mothers watching the gymnasts, "So, what 's wrong with her face?" Koreans typically have very flat faces, rounded high cheekbones, very small inverted (to us) nose bridges, and very slanted eyes. I knew a 5 year old just wanted information, and more importantly, it was crucial that my child never see me defensive, upset, or out of control when it came to answering these kinds of questions.

 

I said with warm enthusiasm, "She's from Korea, and most Korean people look like her." The kid said again, "Yeah, but what happened to her face?" At this point her very nice mother was choking back tears because she was so embarrassed, and I assume empathetic to any hurt feelings her child might be causing, but I didn't skip a beat. I told the kid, "See how our noses kind of bump out like this? In Korea, most people have forheads and noses that are very flat and smooth and they turn up a little at the end." I went on about other characteristics too. You get the idea. If I don't respond in a positive and matter of fact way, how can I teach my daughter to do so?

 

The mother apologized for a LONG time and tried to give her child a whole lecture on the diversity of God's creation (which she should have done long before then) in a breathless monologue for the rest of the gymnastics class. How embarrassing for her.

[Sputterduck]

No. It took my half-Korean child 6 years to notice that his skin is different than my Irish skin. LOL

 

We live in a Mexican culture, are used to living in American culture still, and practice Irish and Korean culture. I don't mention a thing to him. Oh, he does proudly identify Irish, though. Cracks me up. I love to challenge people's ideas on race. I don't say a thing to him though.

[ondreeuh]

No, not purposefully. I haven't made a point of really addressing it. We are kind to everyone and I've figured that leading by example is enough. Reading through some other replies, I can see how I should probably talk more about it.

 

No one talked to me about diversity, that I remember. I grew up in an upperclass city that was mostly Caucasian, and I didn't know anyone who was racist. We didn't have any stereotypes because we had no idea that other people were different than us. Everyone we knew, even the people from other ethnicities, were of the same "class" as us with the same general values. Boy was I shocked when I finally met thugs & gang-bangers of all colors. So it was never about color to me. I found out as a teen that my mom didn't want me and my sister to date non-whites and I was FLOORED! I had no idea she had any thoughts on the matter; she never once said anything.

 

We live in maybe a bit of an odd area. It's largely Caucasian. There are very few African Americans, and quite a few Asians, Pacific Islanders, Latin American and African immigrants. Most people "of color" in our area are not really assimilated, either because they are recent immigrants or because they prefer to stick with people of their own culture. I totally understand that, but it makes it harder for kids to be color-blind when different groups of people each stand out, you know?

 

At my daughter's school, the Asian kids are mostly integrated with the Caucasians, there are so few African American kids that they fit right in, the Pacific Island kids are exotic and cool because they play ukeleles in the halls, and Hispanic kids stick to their own groups and are generally hostile towards everyone else (LOTS of reverse racism). They have started vandalizing and tagging fences in my neighborhood and it drives me crazy because they are bringing hostility upon themselves.

 

I would welcome living in a diverse city if that meant living with people of various colors & backgrounds who could each bring something positive to a common good. I would not welcome living in a "diverse" city full of people who don't know how to work together or who are hostile. Diversity of color is one thing, diversity of class/values is another.

 

We're trying to move to rural Alaska, and would likely be placed in an Eskimo (Yup'ik or Inupiat) village. I am excited for the opportunity, because our family shares a lot of the values in Eskimo culture. Totally different than our other opportunity to move to urban Detroit where I wouldn't feel safe.

Edited March 20, 2011 by ondreeuh