Would you insist on a mildly anxious child learning to ride her bike?

[melissel]

My oldest is 7 1/2, and she's not very physically confident or active. She'd much rather curl up with a book then go out and run around for any prolonged period, and after 4 years of gymnastics, she still never learned to turn a cartwheel. She's incredibly smart and fearless emotionally, but physically, she's just anxious about putting herself out there. I know that once she learns, though, she'll love riding.

 

We've tried small bikes, big bikes, training wheels, no training wheels. I finally bought a Balance Buddy thing that attaches to the back of her bike for me to hold onto to keep her steadier when she's learning, but she's pushing back hard on even pedaling at all. The other kids in the neighborhood have noticed she can't ride, and I think if she doesn't learn soon, it will be an issue this summer.

 

DH attached the Balance Buddy to her bike tonight, and I've told her that tomorrow, she and I are going to be out there practicing. I feel guilty about pushing, but I can't just let her grow up not knowing how to ride a bike, right?!! (That Frasier episode comes to mind :lol:) Am I right to insist that she learn now, or should I let her decide when she's ready? I honestly believe that she will never choose to learn if I don't insist, and her insistence that she can't do it is rubbing off on DD4 now too :glare:

 

WWYD? TIA!

[Laura Corin]

I was glad that I left the subject completely until Calvin was keen and his motor skills had caught up a bit. He learned at nine in just a few sessions. I don't think it's an essential skill (unlike swimming, for example) and if she wants to learn later she can easily.

 

Laura

[Sophia]

I was just like your dd.

My parents left me alone, and when I was 11 I decided it was time to learn to ride and I did. Just like that.

 

My 7 y.o. is resistant to riding a bike and I'll probably leave her alone about it.

 

The only activity I insist they all learn is swimming.

That's non negotiable.

[freetobeme]

my second child was almost 9 when her two-and-a-half years younger sister encouraged her to finally learn. before that, she cried when we tried to teach her. it bothered her more and made her more anxious when we tried to teach her before she decided she was ready. and i never thought she would be ready. she would run and chase the others on bikes happily until she learned. she is my only child like that but she rides confidently today 6 years later. hth

[chiguirre]

IMHO, get her a scooter and wait until she's ready. Ds2 learned right after his 9th birthday in just 2 days. We had dreaded teaching him, but once his younger sister learned, he followed suit almost immediately. He's going to do Special Olympics Cycling this spring, something I thought would take YEARS to get him to do.

[Daisy]

My daughter was nine. We tried for a long time but she was just becoming really upset and anxious about it. We backed off, put the training wheels back on (but really high up so she wobbled), and didn't say another word. At 9yo she decided she was ready to have them off & she learned in a matter of days. Having the training wheels up high really did help her learn to start keeping balance.

 

My son was 6yo, but he's never been *afraid* of falling down. Kids are just different.

[melissel]

My daughter was nine. We tried for a long time but she was just becoming really upset and anxious about it. We backed off, put the training wheels back on (but really high up so she wobbled), and didn't say another word. At 9yo she decided she was ready to have them off & she learned in a matter of days. Having the training wheels up high really did help her learn to start keeping balance.

 

My son was 6yo, but he's never been *afraid* of falling down. Kids are just different.

 

See, the training wheels were high up on hers, but that scared her, the wobbliness and the sudden jolt when they did connect with the ground. Then they fell off, and she was glad *sigh* It just about breaks my heart, because she loved riding when she had the training wheels. We went all the way to the park one time, and she was so proud of herself. I just know she'd love riding, but I hate forcing her :(

 

You guys are giving me hope, but...what if she never decides to learn? She very much wants the neighborhood kids to hang out with her, but as soon as the weather's warm, they're on their bikes, and I know one kid has given her a bit of a hard time about it. I don't want her to get teased and humiliated and look back and wonder why the heck I never made her learn to ride, you know? (Am I the only one who envisions the future therapy conversations her parenting will engender? :lol:) I've been worried about this for years, and it's still an issue. Ugh...

 

Thanks for the responses so far.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

Just leave her alone.

 

I don't understand why she has to know how to ride a bike unless you need her to ride to the store to do errands or something :confused:.

 

Sorry, I don't mean to sound snarky. I truly don't understand why it's so important and why it has to be now. Just let nature take its course. As long as she gets her exercise in some other way, I wouldn't worry about it and I certainly wouldn't force the issue if she doesn't want to do it.

 

There really just doesn't seem to be a reason for all that drama over bicycle riding, which is supposed to be fun. :001_smile:

 

 

ETA - We must have been posting at the same time, LOL. I see you are concerned with her getting teased. I hope that doesn't happen, but it won't be the end of the world if it does. It may just motivate her to become ready to learn. You just never know with kids. Just relax. If this is the biggest hurdle y'all jump, you have a great easy life.

Edited March 10, 2010 by TejasMamacita

[Cera]

We bike quite a lot and I was getting sick of towing 80 lbs so we took our oldest daughters training wheels off at 5. It took less than an hour for her to learn and she absolutely loves it now. Bike riding is great exercise and a life long activity that she will be able to enjoy.

 

I would actually recommend against the bike buddy. We asked around at a few bike shops and there were some universal suggestions for teaching kids to ride. We followed them and it couldn't have been easier.

 

Start by taking off the pedals and adjusting the bike so that her feet can easily touch the ground while sitting on the seat (you probably need a 20" bike at her age). Let her practice coasting down a small incline and balancing while pushing herself with her feet. Once she gets that down and can pick up her feet and maintain some balance put the pedals back on. If she still wants you to hold the bike while she practices pedaling hold the back of the seat only so that she is responsible for balancing, you will just keep her from tipping fast (let her tip but you control the speed so she doesn't crash).

 

Good luck.

[Beth S]

. . . found success by practicing on the grass in the yard.

 

No pain when he fell, and the grass provided more traction.

Especially downhill in the grass.

 

I'm not eager to push achievement in optional areas like this. ;-)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Take the pedals off. Encourage her to just coast around (she doesn't have to go fast and can put her feet down whenever she wants to).

[melissel]

Just leave her alone.

 

I don't understand why she has to know how to ride a bike unless you need her to ride to the store to do errands or something :confused:.

 

Sorry, I don't mean to sound snarky. I truly don't understand why it's so important and why it has to be now. Just let nature take its course. As long as she gets her exercise in some other way, I wouldn't worry about it and I certainly wouldn't force the issue if she doesn't want to do it.

 

There really just doesn't seem to be a reason for all that drama over bicycle riding, which is supposed to be fun. :001_smile:

 

There are several reasons--her desire to hang with the neighborhood kids, which I mentioned above, is probably one of the biggest. Another is that her short excursions in the past have been fun for her, and I know she'd love riding once she got the hang of it. And no, she doesn't get exercise in other ways, because she doesn't like to be physically active in any way that puts her outside her comfort zone. She won't try any sports, she will run around outside for a while but then will come in and curl up somewhere, she was getting frustrated with gymnastics because of her lack of progress, etc. Biking is something we can all do together to exercise (DH loves to ride and misses it very much, and wants her to ride with him), if I can just get her going.

[melissel]

Start by taking off the pedals and adjusting the bike so that her feet can easily touch the ground while sitting on the seat (you probably need a 20" bike at her age). Let her practice coasting down a small incline and balancing while pushing herself with her feet. Once she gets that down and can pick up her feet and maintain some balance put the pedals back on. If she still wants you to hold the bike while she practices pedaling hold the back of the seat only so that she is responsible for balancing, you will just keep her from tipping fast (let her tip but you control the speed so she doesn't crash).

 

Take the pedals off. Encourage her to just coast around (she doesn't have to go fast and can put her feet down whenever she wants to).

 

. . . found success by practicing on the grass in the yard.

 

No pain when he fell, and the grass provided more traction.

Especially downhill in the grass.

 

We've done all of these things. I learned on the grass, so that was my first suggestion. She won't even sit on her bike without my telling her she has to. She WANTS to ride, but is afraid of the learning process. Gah! OK, so it's looking like the general consensus is to just back off, then?

[DarlaS]

I had one who did not learn until he was... ummm... much older than 9 ;). This was the same kid that would freak out in the stroller. He did not like the out-of-control feeling and still avoids those kind of situations today. He learned all at once in one day and never got on the thing again. It's ok--he's driving now. :auto: (He did enjoy the big water slides at Great Wolf Lodge--much to my surprise and relief.)

 

Does she just not like movement (gets carsick maybe?) or is it the fear of falling or hurting herself?

 

Either way, I'd just let it go. The previous suggestion of taking off the pedals is a good one. Many kids hate the feeling of having to keep their feet up. Knowing you can quickly set them down helps them to relax and balance.

[scrapbookbuzz]

My dd is 11 and has yet to truly learn to ride a bike. Not that we didn't try MUCH earlier; it's just that she had no concept of 'steering'. So, for now, she is content to ride her scooter (non-motorized) and we're fine with that. When she really wants to learn, or really needs to, that will be the time.

[Mrs Mungo]

There are several reasons--her desire to hang with the neighborhood kids, which I mentioned above, is probably one of the biggest.

 

My middle dd would leap off her bike every time dh or I let go. Finally, I let the neighborhood kids teach her. The peer pressure kept her on the bike, that's all she really needed to do at that point. :)

[melissel]

Does she just not like movement (gets carsick maybe?) or is it the fear of falling or hurting herself?

 

No carsickness. I think it's the fear of falling and the fear of loss of control. She won't go on many rides either--if she does, they're toddler rides. The Tilt-a-Whirl was a surprisingly big leap for her this past summer (and a big mistake for mama *barf*).

 

DH is desperate to go to Great Wolf, but I keep having to remind him that he'll be going on all those great rides by himself, because neither girl will go on with him! Someday, I hope...

 

ETA: The idea of the scooter is a good one. We had one, but she wanted to go fast on it (:confused:) and kept falling over, so she finally stopped riding it. But that one was kind of small for her. Maybe if we got her one that was the right size, that would be a good middle ground for her, hmmm. I'll talk to DH about that!

Edited March 10, 2010 by melissel

[Brigitte]

I have been exactly where you are. I have twins and one was keen to ride a two wheeler and the other was not. The more I encouraged/pushed the reluctant one the more she pushed back. In order to save my sanity, I quit. One of our little bikes had the training wheels up high (there was no way they could make contact with the ground) and the other had them where they were supposed to be. Eventually she started trying on her own. She would brace the bike up against the car and start off. In other words, she did it when she was ready. Now we are going through the same thing with moving up to a bike that fits her. Some kids just need to do it on their own time.

[Parrothead]

Every once in a while I'd ask if her if she thinks she is ready - maybe 2 or 3 times a summer. If not, no pressure. When she is ready she will. She may even learn to ride her bike all on her own.

[Alyeska]

Your dd sounds just like mine! She will be 11 in less than a week...and still has training wheels. She will decide eventually that her desire to have no training wheels will outweigh her risk of falling.

 

My vote is not to push it.

[DarlaS]

DH is desperate to go to Great Wolf, but I keep having to remind him that he'll be going on all those great rides by himself, because neither girl will go on with him! Someday, I hope...

 

 

Ah, so she comes by it honestly. ;)

 

I did go on the slide at Great Wolf too--much to my own surprise, I really enjoyed it. They're nicely enclosed (I don't do heights.) and not all that fast. The long climb up the many many stairs was the worst part. Five levels of stairs! :svengo:

[melissel]

Ah, so she comes by it honestly. ;)

 

I did go on the slide at Great Wolf too--much to my own surprise, I really enjoyed it. They're nicely enclosed (I don't do heights.) and not all that fast. The long climb up the many many stairs was the worst part. Five levels of stairs! :svengo:

 

Actually, she doesn't (I meant neither of our DDs would go on with him--though frankly, I don't think he really cares!). That's the funny thing: I've always been a total roller coaster girl! Having a baby ruined that for me, though. Now I've turned into my mom, getting carsick if I'm not the one driving and puking after the Tilt-a-Whirl, relegated to holding the purses at Six Flags :lol: It's such a bummer! I'm going to try Bonine this summer and see if it helps at all. I miss rides!!! :tongue_smilie:

[CatMomof3]

I don't know if anyone suggested this, but take her pedals off (along with the training wheels). Then give her a push on her bike and she will keep her feet up and coast until she wants to stop. Simply do this for 20-60 minutes so she learns the balancing part. Then put her pedals on and then she should be able to balance on her bike while pedaling. I found this on blog some time ago and tried it with my oldest (she had no interest in riding her bike). Once she master the balancing she just took off on her bike. She is on it everyday.

Hope this helps

Oh, I think it is important to take your kids out of their comfort zone every now and then, that way they try new things and might even like it. But just my opinion.

[Guest]

Here's another story of a child who didn't learn to ride until age nine; although at that point she was able to simply get on and learn in about ten minutes, she never really took to it. Later, when she was eleven, I discovered she had major vision problems that interfered with peripheral vision and depth perception. It was nearly impossible for her to judge how fast something was going and where it was in relation to her. No wonder she was anxious about getting on a bike by herself!

 

What she does now, post-vision therapy, is ride horses and jump them.

[ktog29]

I second (or third?) the scooter suggestion. I didn't think ds1 would EVER learn to ride a bike so we got him a Razor instead. It took him a LONG time to get the balance thing down but he did...it was a much shorter fall than off the bike. Two years later, he tried riding a two wheeler again...he just hopped on and rode like he'd been doing it forever. I think the scooter helped with balance and confidence.

 

HTH,

Katie in Maryland

[bettyandbob]

I live in a townhouse community. By the time ds was 7 the neighborhood pack of boys ages 5-8 were all riding. Ds has poor motor skills and is anxious. In the spring he took his bike out everyday in the parking area in front of my house and practice. He practiced everyday before the other kids got out of school, then put his bike away. It took a while of daily work (a month or two), but he eventually was confident and riding with all the boys in the afternoons and summer. I did not go out and participate in the practice. It was important for him to figure it out on his own.--that's the way he operates.

[kewb]

My 9 year old refuses to learn how to ride a bike. I have decided that she will learn if she wants to. If she never wants to, that is okay, too. I was in 6th grade before I learned and a neighbor boy taught me.

[stormy weather]

one of those tandem things you can attach to the back of your bike? Like this.Then you could bike as a family and she might feel safer(if that's a proper word)until she got the hang of it.

Edited March 10, 2010 by stormy weather

[Jean in Newcastle]

I really think it depends on your child. And you know her, while we don't. I have one child that I do have to command to do things. And then if he still doesn't like it, I let him be. But 90% of the time he likes it. The longer he's allowed to not do things, the more the avoiding of it becomes cemented in him. He's starting to just try things now on his own - just to see if he'll like it.

 

I have another child that will just shut down if I make her do anything. Some of it stubbornness but a lot of it for her is that it is scary for her not to feel like she's in control. So we don't force things - we suggest and then back way off.

[Spy Car]

At 7 1/2? Heck ya I'd have her on the bike.

 

Unless there was something demonstrably wrong with her. Otherwise she's old enough to learn to ride a bike. And the reasons you give for desiring that for her are valid as far as I'm concerned.

 

Bill

[hornblower]

My ds didn't learn until quite late. I think it was the summer after he turned 9 but it might have been the summer he was 10.

 

He spent a lot of time on the Razor before that.

 

He had taken the training wheels off a couple times before that & was really uncomfortable with it so we put them back on. What worked was using the Razor a lot and tons of no pressure practice in the driveway. The bike was locked to a fence in the driveway and he could hop on & just coast around the driveway getting that balanced feeling, just a few minutes at a time alone out there, day after day. I'd send him out in between lessons or while I was prepping lunch. All of a sudden he got it, took the training wheels off, spend another couple days riding around the driveway and then he was good to go.

 

I'd back off & give her lots of opportunity to just try it herself, pref without input from anyone else. Meanwhile use a scooter when out & about with other kids to avoid the whole potential for teasing issue.

[nmoira]

The only activity I insist they all learn is swimming.

That's non negotiable.

:iagree:

[kitten18]

I am going to dissent and say that you should get her riding for the following reasons:

 

It sounds like she loves to ride

the "I can't" is rubbing off on the younger sib

If she can't ride this Summer it is going to create pretty major social issues

She sounds like me. I hate new things. I hate change, but once I am there and can do the new thing I am so so so glad that it is done.

 

Teach her to overcome her fear and do what you have to, to provide positive experiences and get her over this hump.

 

I agree, especially because it reminds me so much of myself and I wish my parents had pushed me try more sports and physical activities.

I also really agree that riding with the neighborhood kids will be a BIG deal this summer and I think that is a valid reason to push her.

 

Good Luck:)

[Cedarmom]

Fears are tough. You want to be sensitive, but at the same time, yes sometimes some kids need a little pushing. Can you talk to her about some time you were afraid and how you overcame it. Maybe even choose something that scares you now, and tell her how you are going to do__even though you are scared. I would do this with my son. I think it helped him know that sometimes everyone is fearful but we can still learn and do new things My perfectionistic son mirrored my anxiety. I found things worked better when I said let's both work on this. I think (hope) I taught him how to do things even when he wasanxious.

[catalinakel]

Sad story here. My husband was born with cataracts in one eye, so was blind in one eye from birth. His mom had him signed out of p.e. his entire life, never let him climb at the park and do all the things a growing boy should do. He never swam and never rode a bike until he went away to college and taught himself. Where there is a will, there is a way.

 

My daughter who has asperger's did not feel comfortable with swimming until she was about 11, although she had lessons each year from a young age. Now she swims like a fish. She has yet to ride a bike, and has grown out of at least three without ever riding them. She will learn eventually...I am hoping sometime this year so we can ride bikes as a family.

[Tidbits of Learning]

See, the training wheels were high up on hers, but that scared her, the wobbliness and the sudden jolt when they did connect with the ground. Then they fell off, and she was glad *sigh* It just about breaks my heart, because she loved riding when she had the training wheels. We went all the way to the park one time, and she was so proud of herself. I just know she'd love riding, but I hate forcing her :(

 

You guys are giving me hope, but...what if she never decides to learn? She very much wants the neighborhood kids to hang out with her, but as soon as the weather's warm, they're on their bikes, and I know one kid has given her a bit of a hard time about it. I don't want her to get teased and humiliated and look back and wonder why the heck I never made her learn to ride, you know? (Am I the only one who envisions the future therapy conversations her parenting will engender? :lol:) I've been worried about this for years, and it's still an issue. Ugh...

 

Thanks for the responses so far.

 

My girls were both 8 and they both learned after realizing everybody but them could ride. Those kids riding off and leaving them in the dust did more to spur them on that me harping any day.

[abbeyej]

As an alternative, could she ride a scooter (like a Razor scooter)? It would help her keep up with the neighborhood kids, but the learning curve isn't nearly as steep. (You also have your feet right there by the ground at all times, so it's easy to hop off, and not as intimidating as a bike.)

[Barb_]

No carsickness. I think it's the fear of falling and the fear of loss of control. She won't go on many rides either--if she does, they're toddler rides. The Tilt-a-Whirl was a surprisingly big leap for her this past summer (and a big mistake for mama *barf*).

 

DH is desperate to go to Great Wolf, but I keep having to remind him that he'll be going on all those great rides by himself, because neither girl will go on with him! Someday, I hope...

 

ETA: The idea of the scooter is a good one. We had one, but she wanted to go fast on it (:confused:) and kept falling over, so she finally stopped riding it. But that one was kind of small for her. Maybe if we got her one that was the right size, that would be a good middle ground for her, hmmm. I'll talk to DH about that!

 

Yeah, I think this is the best suggestion. My scooter kids each learned within a day or two when they were ready. The older two didn't have scooters before learning to bike and it took much longer for them to learn. It's easier to learn to balance a scooter and the skill translates well to the bicycle.

 

Barb

[T'smom]

I don't think you CAN push her. My parents sure tried- they tried forcing me, bribing me- everything you can think of. Then, one day, I had a friend over and I didn't want to admit to not being able to ride- so I got on and rode. I was probably 10.

If riding as a family is important, can you get a bike trailer or one of those tandem things?

[Cammie]

My dd learned at 9. The peer pressure did it. When she finally decided to put her mind to it - it took about a day. The joy in her face was priceless! She loves riding and the freedom it gives her. I wish she had learned earlier but I guess she just wasn't ready. Of course, DS 4 can already ride!

[HollyDay]

Just a thought.......

 

Has she had her eye's checked or does she wear glasses? My dd struggled to ride a bike, even with training wheels. She did okay in gymnastics but not terrific. Until she got her first pair of glasses when she was about 7. Suddenly she could ride a bike and do gymnastics. The eye doc said her depth perception was off due to the vision problem and this affected her perception of balance/space relations. The glasses corrected it and off she went!

[Kuovonne]

My DD had a hard time learning to ride a bike. She loved riding the back of the tandem, but couldn't figure out a solo bike. It was important to me that she learn to ride a solo bike. I picked the method of removing the pedals. Here's some things that helped DD:

 

1) I had DD watch the series of videos on YouTube that demonstrated the technique so that she could understand it.

 

2) I treated learning to ride like a school subject. I had DD practice during the day in the middle of school-time when there were no witnesses. I insisted that she practice biking for a few minutes every day, but let her choose what to do on the bike.

 

3) I bought a smaller bike so that she could sit on the bike and have both feet flat on the ground. This bike also had hand brakes in addition to coaster breaks, which helps when the pedals are off.

 

4) I didn't have DD roll down a grassy hill. (We don't have one.) She ended up pushing off with her feet on the sidewalk.

 

5) When DD was finally able to ride her bike by herself (start, stop, steer) we celebrated by going to her favorite restaurant.

[stripe]

I have a friend who learned in one afternoon in 12th grade.

 

I, on the other hand, won't ride anything without training wheels. I seriously considered getting a giant tricycle I saw advertised in "Victoria" once! ha. My parents took the training wheels off, and, well, let's just say, I got a good view of the inner workings of my elbow. I agree with the "practice on grass" advice.

 

Encourage but don't force.

[DarlaS]

Just a thought.......

 

Has she had her eye's checked or does she wear glasses? My dd struggled to ride a bike, even with training wheels. She did okay in gymnastics but not terrific. Until she got her first pair of glasses when she was about 7. Suddenly she could ride a bike and do gymnastics. The eye doc said her depth perception was off due to the vision problem and this affected her perception of balance/space relations. The glasses corrected it and off she went!

 

:iagree:

 

Their prescription can change remarkably fast at that age too. My 6 yo was fine a year ago, and just got his first glasses last week. He had caught up to his 12 yo brother. Twice dd needed a new prescription after just 6 mos (Thankfully that slowed down!).

[Chris in VA]

Does she have mixed modality? In other words, is she right-handed, right-eyed and right-footed, or is it mixed? That can make kids have some balance and coordination problems that may be so subtle, they don't show up during regular activity but may when doing something like biking. Mixed modality/testing link

 

My son is 20--never learned to ride a bike. Didn't effect him in the least.

 

My dd9 hasn't learned yet--she does scooter, but dh didn't leave the training wheels on long enough, and when they were on, they didn't touch the ground at first as they are supposed to :tongue_smilie:. Anyway, she'll probably practice on her own this summer, but I won't force.

Edited March 11, 2010 by Chris in VA