Do I take the money and run?

[melik]

I need impartial advice....

 

My grandmother passed away this last fall. I have to admit I really wasn't all that close to her. She was a really sweet lady but my dad died about 20 years ago(I was a teenager) so my connection with that side of my family has been very little.

 

I have had more connection with my aunt in the last few months due to my grandmother death. She is a great lady and I have been happy to get to know her better. Sad that it has to be a death to bring people together.

 

My aunt called last night and said that while working out my grandmother estate they realized that the will she created had never been notarized and was not valid. The "unofficial will" stated that the money would be divided among her three living children. However, since it is not valid they have to include me in place of my deceased father for a 4th of the inheritance.

 

I was not counting on any money coming from this whole thing. But suddenly I'm getting a BIG sum of money. Here is the kicker.....they want me to take only 1/4 of my 1/4 and give the rest to them.

 

 

I am so torn. I can see where they are coming from. But on the other hand I'm kinda in awe of them even asking. There are many more details that I won't bore you all with. I really want to do the right thing. Taking the smaller amount would help us out (a lot), but the larger amount would really put us in a great place. I would like to walk away form this w/o it getting ugly. So far communication has been fine. But I HATE dealing with money and family, or friends, or ....well really anyone!:confused::confused::confused::confused:

 

Any advice out there????

 

Meli

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Wow, that is tough. Have you actually seen the text of either will? Is there a lawyer doing probate or one of the relatives?

 

Was the original will written specifying anything in the case of one of the heirs being predeceased (for example, my will lists children and also includes any additional children. It also has a statement that the heirs of predeceased heirs will divide that portion).

 

Is it possible that she didn't have it notarized because she never fully decided to put it into effect? (I ask this in part because my grandmother went through a period where she kept changing the executor depending on who she had gotten mad at.)

 

Is the aunt who is asking handling the probate or is there a non-family member also involved?

 

Good luck with this. When my dad was executor of his parent's wills he ended up having to call the sheriff on his nephew after he broke into the house and took a BBQ grill. Sometimes the combination of grief and inheritance makes people do odd things.

[rootsnwings]

Honestly? I would take my part. You deserve it no less than the others who are recieving the other 3/4. I had to learn this lesson the hard way as my ds9's bio dad (whom he never met) passed away last year (at 27) and I was completely against taking any money from him, ever. But my parents discussed it with me & made me realize that the $ we could get through social security benefits for ds9 would be a HUGE relief to us as a family, and also enable us to do the things we've been wanting (and needing) to do for him as far as schooling, sports, etc. We went through about 9 months of paperwork & run around, but as of 01-10 we'll be getting a decent monthly payment until ds is like 18 (or 22 if he's a fulltime student).

 

SO, all that to say--take what is rightfully yours. You deserve it just as much as they do!!!

[lynn]

Some things to consider. How much money are you willing to spend to get the entire sum? How long can you wait for all this to get settled? Do you need the 1/4 right now or can you wait it out to get the entire amt?

Edited March 6, 2010 by lynn

[RoughCollie]

What matters is the official will. If you get an inheritance through it, it is yours. If you take less than you are intended to get, then consider it a gift from you to your relatives.

 

Personally, I would take what I was given under the will. I think your relatives are greedy to ask you to give them most of your share of the estate. I don't think much of people who do that. It reminds me of vultures circling around. In essence, they are trying to buy you off and turn the invalid will into a valid one.

 

If you don't want to deal with them about this, then hire a lawyer to represent you and let him or her do it.

[keptwoman]

If it is not going to cost you huge legal fees, I would take your full 1/4. Your Dad would have got that and that is good and right that it should pass on to you. Frankly it's downright rude that they ask you to take less.

 

I've been in the exact same situation, only the full amount of my Dads inheritance was split between my brother and I without question. My Mum is also dead, and I know for a fact that my brother and I will get her portion split between us when my Nana dies (which I hope is not for a very very very very very long time because she is the best and most coolest Nana in the whole wide world)

[Cammie]

I need impartial advice....

 

My grandmother passed away this last fall. I have to admit I really wasn't all that close to her. She was a really sweet lady but my dad died about 20 years ago(I was a teenager) so my connection with that side of my family has been very little.

 

I have had more connection with my aunt in the last few months due to my grandmother death. She is a great lady and I have been happy to get to know her better. Sad that it has to be a death to bring people together.

 

My aunt called last night and said that while working out my grandmother estate they realized that the will she created had never been notarized and was not valid. The "unofficial will" stated that the money would be divided among her three living children. However, since it is not valid they have to include me in place of my deceased father for a 4th of the inheritance.

 

I was not counting on any money coming from this whole thing. But suddenly I'm getting a BIG sum of money. Here is the kicker.....they want me to take only 1/4 of my 1/4 and give the rest to them.

 

 

I am so torn. I can see where they are coming from. But on the other hand I'm kinda in awe of them even asking. There are many more details that I won't bore you all with. I really want to do the right thing. Taking the smaller amount would help us out (a lot), but the larger amount would really put us in a great place. I would like to walk away form this w/o it getting ugly. So far communication has been fine. But I HATE dealing with money and family, or friends, or ....well really anyone!:confused::confused::confused::confused:

 

Any advice out there????

 

Meli

 

 

I think you should go get a little legal advice from a local probate attorney. Maybe an hour or so with an attorney will clear up some things for you. For example, will a probate court look to the probable intent of your grandmother (as illustrated by the will) and put that into effect? Or will a probate court stick to the statute and if there is no validly executed will simply divide the property as outlined in the statute. It is fairly commong for the child of a deceased party to get that party's share in probate. If that is what the law allows for then you are entitled to it. However, as you already recognize, nothing can damage family relationships more than a fight about money. You have to decide how much this new found relationship is really worth to you. And how much the money is really worth to your family. And find the balance. It is not going to be easy. :grouphug:

[Pippen]

I wouldn't agree to anything without seeing copies of the wills and getting legal counsel. Legal counsel is especially important if you are the type who hates dealing with families and money because those are the kinds of people that family members are more apt to take advantage of.

 

I'd also be inclined to go for the full 1/4 if you are legally entitled to it. The other 3/4 may pass on to grandchildren eventually--in your case it's coming early as your dad passed away at a young age.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I would have guessed not accepting the money at all was going to be part of the options. That is the one I would have taken as it is what grandmother said even if the will wasn't valid.

 

I assume there were other issues so that grandmother's will couldn't just be accepted despite it not being legal? Sad. Seriously, I think the last big of honoring one could do would be to fulfill the loved one's wishes to the degree legal and reasonable. In that case, no, I wouldn't consider taking 1/4. If they needed to work out something for some reason, I'd accept the 1/4 then put it to use in terms of charity, schooling or the like.

 

However, I DO agree with you that they have some nerve to even ask. Is that based on need? greed? or something completely reasonable, such as how the numbers would have worked out under another circumstance?

[JudoMom]

I wouldn't agree to anything without seeing copies of the wills and getting legal counsel. Legal counsel is especially important if you are the type who hates dealing with families and money because those are the kinds of people that family members are more apt to take advantage of.

 

I'd also be inclined to go for the full 1/4 if you are legally entitled to it. The other 3/4 may pass on to grandchildren eventually--in your case it's coming early as your dad passed away at a young age.

 

:iagree:

[Pippen]

I assume there were other issues so that grandmother's will couldn't just be accepted despite it not being legal? Sad. Seriously, I think the last big of honoring one could do would be to fulfill the loved one's wishes to the degree legal and reasonable. In that case, no, I wouldn't consider taking 1/4.

 

 

 

Personally I'd not settle on what grandma's actual wishes were without seeing the wills, and especially not by word of mouth from relatives who are trying to cut a deal.

[jujsky]

What matters is the official will. If you get an inheritance through it, it is yours. If you take less than you are intended to get, then consider it a gift from you to your relatives.

 

Personally, I would take what I was given under the will. I think your relatives are greedy to ask you to give them most of your share of the estate. I don't think much of people who do that. It reminds me of vultures circling around. In essence, they are trying to buy you off and turn the invalid will into a valid one.

 

If you don't want to deal with them about this, then hire a lawyer to represent you and let him or her do it.

 

:iagree: What she said! I'd rather not get into details here, but I went through an inheritance issue with family. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving up the $$$ to preserve peace and now it's something I regret. If this $$$ is indeed coming to you under the will, then take it and run.

[FaithManor]

If the person who contacted you is executor of the will, then this is not an offer they are legally allowed to make even if that is what your dad's siblings want. If you aunt is not the executor, it was highly inappropriate of her to contact you and suggest such a thing.

 

It would probably be best if you ask to speak directly with the executor. If that is your aunt, then you should probably get a lawyer to handle your end of the paperwork. You can handle this very tactfully by saying you know nothing about wills and inheritance and need advice about how to work through all the details and then make decisions about the money.

 

I think you should feel comfortable taking the full 1/4 but there isn't anything wrong with taking less. Try to think of it from your dad's point of view. He would likely have wanted his grandchildren to benefit from the full amount.

 

There really isn't any wrong answer and I can certainly understand your distaste for family politics. Things always get weird when families go through this.

 

Hope everything goes well and settles soon!

Faith

[Heather in AL]

What matters is the official will. If you get an inheritance through it, it is yours. If you take less than you are intended to get, then consider it a gift from you to your relatives.

 

Personally, I would take what I was given under the will. I think your relatives are greedy to ask you to give them most of your share of the estate. I don't think much of people who do that. It reminds me of vultures circling around. In essence, they are trying to buy you off and turn the invalid will into a valid one.

 

If you don't want to deal with them about this, then hire a lawyer to represent you and let him or her do it.

 

:iagree: I totally agree with RoughCollie. There may have been a reason the final will wasn't notarized.... maybe grandma was coerced into making it to leave you out? Maybe she had it drawn up, but really never intended to make it binding, so how do you really *know* what her final intent was? It's not a big deal to have something notarized, should that have really been her wish. That makes the previous, notarized will her final wish. I would get legal counsel and make sure the "official" will is the one being used.

[kalanamak]

 

I was not counting on any money coming from this whole thing. But suddenly I'm getting a BIG sum of money. Here is the kicker.....they want me to take only 1/4 of my 1/4 and give the rest to them.

 

 

It is your fault your father died? To be deprived of both him and his inheritance is a double blow, to me.

 

My parents has a similar clause...that their estate would be divided among their living children. I talked it over with my sibs, and if one of them had predeceased my parents, we would have each given the extra we got to a fund for their education of their children. Your dad was just as much her child, and any extra that they get could easily percolate to their kids.

[MelanieM]

I would take the money legally entitled to me with a happy heart. This is a real blessing for you and your family, and there's no accident in that!

 

Honestly, if a 1/4 of that money was supposed to go to your father, and ultimately then on to his child(ren), then wouldn't the family want that to be what happens, regardless of what the will says? In other words, would they be so quick to offer you up a 1/4 of the inheritance if there was no will stating as much? If not, how would they think it appropriate to ask you for your money now?

 

But yeah... I would see it as a gift from God and celebrate it, while kindly declining the request of family members to gift them with money you are legally entitled to. (Unless that makes you feel good to do... in which case, have at it!)

[LisaKinVA]

I would have guessed not accepting the money at all was going to be part of the options. That is the one I would have taken as it is what grandmother said even if the will wasn't valid.

 

Just keep in mind, that there are some elderly people, who aren't quite in their "right mind." They can sound perfectly coherent at one point, and completely nuts at the next. My grandmother has dementia and keeps telling my mom that she's going to take her out of the will because my mom is stealing from her. She already took out my cousin (his dad died 10 years ago), because she is "sure" all he wants is her house (she thinks anyone who visits wants the house). Thankfully (or hopefully?), my mom and aunt have already talked about the ramifications and are planning to do the "right" thing, by my cousin despite my grandmother.

 

I would have hoped that her aunts and uncles would have done the right thing too, and passed her dad's share on -- but that doesn't seem likely.

 

While I would be ecstatic with a 1/4 of a 1/4, I agree that you should get some legal advice first. And then, no matter what amount you get, be thankful and shake the dust off your feet after running!

 

Best wishes.

[CalicoKat]

:iagree:

:iagree:

Just because your dad's passed away doesn't mean you lost your voting rights in that family. You're children are cousins the same as whomever else they're trying to get more money for.

 

See both wills. Then make a decision.

[Orthodox6]

Were it I -- and it is not, so this is just "imo" -- I would consult a lawyer, a friend of grandmother's who is not influenced by the other family members, and your own family's priest/minister/rabbi (this last because I cannot conceive ever of making a major decision without making it in the light of what my religion would guide me to do) (A decision made selfishly, without factoring in how God would want me to act, would haunt me forever.).

 

The "unofficial" will is of later date, I'm thinking. I don't like the idea of ignoring it, just because grandmother did not complete the "legal steps."

 

So, back to my initial paragraph.

 

Best wishes.

 

Mostly, though, I am sorry that you had not the opportunity to build a closer relationship with your grandmother. That is more important than the money.

[Parrothead]

If it were me, and I was not mentioned in the will, I would not fight for anything. Later if my aunt wanted to give me X amount I'd take it and thank her.

[Mary in VA]

Get a copy of the will and consult a probate attorney from your grandmother's jurisdiction. THEN decide what you want to do. There is absolutely no telling why your grandmother didn't finalize the will. Just because it was drawn up does not necessarily mean it was her intent at the time of her passing. Usually with no will the law of the state will apply. But check it with an expert first. Find out your rights BEFORE you waive any of them!

 

Mary

Edited March 6, 2010 by Mary in VA

[Mejane]

I'll bet your father would have loved to have passed his share on to you and his grandchildren. Take the money. It sounds like there's plenty to go around.

[bbmom]

I am of two minds about this. One one hand, your father passing away while you were so young is what led to your relationship with your grandmother being what it was and I agree with the poster who said it is a double blow to lose both your father and his portion of the inheritance. On the other hand, a lot of time has obviously passed since your father passed away and it doesn't sound like, as an adult, you really made any effort to get to know your grandmother either. So, as tempting as it would be to take the money and run, if all of your aunts and uncles had a good relationship with your grandmother, I think I would offer a compromise-take half of your share (instead of 1/4) and allow the rest of that 1/2 to be split among your aunts and uncles. I would think this would keep everyone happy enough that they would choose not to contest it (because what you really don't want is to wind up in probate court for years.) Now, if any of your aunts/uncles did not have a relationship with your grandmother, I think I would go for the whole thing, since in that case it would seem like she was just diving up her estate among her children regardless of relationship and in that case, I do feel you would be entitled to the full share.

[nukeswife]

I'm just going to throw another wrench out there. I was doing research on this a while ago before dh and I had our wills updated. This is the information we found.

 

Contrary to what many people believe, wills don't have to be notarized to be valid. However, in most states you may want your witnesses to sign a short document called a "self-proving" affidavit (a sworn statement) before a notary public. Doing so makes the probate process easier: Your witnesses won't have to come to court after your death to swear that the will is valid.

 

So just because the will isn't notarized doesn't mean it's necessarily invalid. I'd check with a lawyer.

[LG Gone Wild]

Take the money. You are blood too. It's not for them to decide what your portion should be. It's not as if they earned the money. It was your grandmother's and how she left things is how she left things.

 

I find their attitude unsavory.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I need impartial advice....

 

My grandmother passed away this last fall. I have to admit I really wasn't all that close to her. She was a really sweet lady but my dad died about 20 years ago(I was a teenager) so my connection with that side of my family has been very little.

 

I have had more connection with my aunt in the last few months due to my grandmother death. She is a great lady and I have been happy to get to know her better. Sad that it has to be a death to bring people together.

 

My aunt called last night and said that while working out my grandmother estate they realized that the will she created had never been notarized and was not valid. The "unofficial will" stated that the money would be divided among her three living children. However, since it is not valid they have to include me in place of my deceased father for a 4th of the inheritance.

 

I was not counting on any money coming from this whole thing. But suddenly I'm getting a BIG sum of money. Here is the kicker.....they want me to take only 1/4 of my 1/4 and give the rest to them.

 

 

I am so torn. I can see where they are coming from. But on the other hand I'm kinda in awe of them even asking. There are many more details that I won't bore you all with. I really want to do the right thing. Taking the smaller amount would help us out (a lot), but the larger amount would really put us in a great place. I would like to walk away form this w/o it getting ugly. So far communication has been fine. But I HATE dealing with money and family, or friends, or ....well really anyone!:confused::confused::confused::confused:

 

Any advice out there????

 

Meli

 

Why are they not being fair? I know this happens all the time even though I cannot imagine ever doing this:( Have you seen the will(s)? I would ask to see them. What was your grandmothers intent?

:grouphug:

[KidsHappen]

I wouldn't have assumed I was entitiled to any money at all. I know if I had written my will specifying that any proceeds be divivded between all of my living children, I would not intend that if one child predeceased me that her share be passed to her children. I would simply expect that all amounts be divivded amoung the remaining children. IMO, it was gracious for them to offer you any money at all especially if there was no stipulation to that effect. I would take whatever they offered gratefully and look at if as a gift.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I wouldn't feel bad about taking the full 1/4. You get it by virtue of being your dad's daughter. Don't feel like you are being the greedy one, the family member asking for more than your dad's share is being the greedy one.

 

As others have already said though, it isn't that simple and it will likely take time to settle the details.

 

But just focusing on the non legal "touchy feely" aspect, don't feel bad about taking the money.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I wouldn't have assumed I was entitiled to any money at all. I know if I had written my will specifying that any proceeds be divivded between all of my living children, I would not intend that if one child predeceased me that her share be passed to her children. I would simply expect that all amounts be divivded amoung the remaining children. IMO, it was gracious for them to offer you any money at all especially if there was no stipulation to that effect. I would take whatever they offered gratefully and look at if as a gift.

 

The question I have did your grandmother intend only the living children to get money? Did she have 3 or 4 children?

 

IMHO though, I would never word a will that way since it is inherently unfair:(

[KidsHappen]

The question I have did your grandmother intend only the living children to get money? Did she have 3 or 4 children?

 

IMHO though, I would never word a will that way since it is inherently unfair:(

 

What's unfair? Leaving the money to only your living children?

[Miss Marple]

I hate to think this of people, but they are trying to cheat their niece so.....

 

LOL! This is exactly what I was thinking....I guess we're both just super suspicious.

 

I would also wonder how the second will came about. Was it a suggestion by the living children? Was she pressured? Was she fully able to understand the implications?

 

I have an elderly friend who is constantly being pressured by "very nice folks" to empty her bank account in their favor. She thinks they are just very nice people and doesn't suspect anything. It's easy to bully the elderly, it's easy to make them think you have their best interests in mind, it's easy to defraud them.

 

I would definitely look at both wills. There may be a good reason your grandmother didn't get the other will notarized (maybe she wrote it in order to be in good graces with the living children, but had no intention of it becoming legal). The hard part is that since you didn't have a relationship with any of them prior to her death, it may be difficult to know what the situation really was.

Edited March 6, 2010 by CynthiaOK

[Moxie]

This probably makes me a super suspicious person but my first thought was that the aunt was setting you up the whole time. Could it be that this relationship that has only begun since your grandmother died was for the purpose of getting you to agree to take a much smaller portion of the estate than you are owed?

 

Could it be that they are trying to get you to preemptively sign away your rights before a lawyer contacted you?

 

I hate to think this of people, but they are trying to cheat their niece so.....:001_unsure:

 

 

I'm suspicious also. What a strange situation! How gutsy to say, "Legally, you are probably entitled to more but we want more so will you take less??":001_huh: I'd take the 1/4 and hope that they aren't so greedy as to cause trouble.

[SonshineLearner]

I'd pass all of this off on my attorney. I'm having my attorney look at this, and my attorney will decide what's legal. I don't want to get in the middle of what Grandma wanted. End of discussion... when discussing again... repeat.

I bet that she didn't have it notarized... because she didn't want it to be that way. Old people can get things done, if they want to...

I think that everyone has a tendency to be greedy when there is money involved.

But seriously, if your dad was alive... when he died.... the $$$ would be yours. It just happens that your dad died first...

 

My opinion:-)

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

What's unfair? Leaving the money to only your living children?

 

Yes I think so IMHO since why should not the children of a deceased heir benefit as well and get their fair share? The living children will probably use their share to benefit their family. For me it will never be an issue since I have only one ds though:)

 

Of course, there are exceptions to this. For example, a special needs child may have more of a need for an inheritance. OTOH, I would try to get expert advice on this first:)

Edited March 6, 2010 by priscilla

[Oak Knoll Mom]

I would have guessed not accepting the money at all was going to be part of the options. That is the one I would have taken as it is what grandmother said even if the will wasn't valid.

 

I assume there were other issues so that grandmother's will couldn't just be accepted despite it not being legal? Sad. Seriously, I think the last big of honoring one could do would be to fulfill the loved one's wishes to the degree legal and reasonable. In that case, no, I wouldn't consider taking 1/4. If they needed to work out something for some reason, I'd accept the 1/4 then put it to use in terms of charity, schooling or the like.

 

However, I DO agree with you that they have some nerve to even ask. Is that based on need? greed? or something completely reasonable, such as how the numbers would have worked out under another circumstance?

 

My cousin just went through this with the other side of her family. Turns out the living children crafted a new will leaving my cousin out. Her grandmother signed it, but because she was pressured to sign it (among other things), the will didn't hold up in court. All that to say, maybe the OP's Grandma didn't even write this new will. Maybe her living children typed it up just to cut OP out?

[coffeefreak]

LOL! This is exactly what I was thinking....I guess we're both just super suspicious.

 

I would also wonder how the second will came about. Was it a suggestion by the living children? Was she pressured? Was she fully able to understand the implications?

 

I have an elderly friend who is constantly being pressured by "very nice folks" to empty her bank account in their favor. She thinks they are just very nice people and doesn't suspect anything. It's easy to bully the elderly, it's easy to make them think you have their best interests in mind, it's easy to defraud them.

 

I would definitely look at both wills. There may be a good reason your grandmother didn't get the other will notarized (maybe she wrote it in order to be in good graces with the living children, but had no intention of it becoming legal). The hard part is that since you didn't have a relationship with any of them prior to her death, it may be difficult to know what the situation really was.

 

:iagree:

 

Count me among the suspicious. The Elderly are constantly taken advantage of. My mother is the POA of her mother, but my uncle still manages to get thousands of dollars each month from my grandmother's bank account. She had a major car accident last weekend, and when my mother went to pick up the title to the car for the insurance, she found my Uncle's name on it! I'd tell the aunt you'd like to see the will/wills and make your decision after that. For all you know, there is a valid will, with your father's name on it, which means the money is rightfully yours.

 

Blessings!

and :grouphug: these things suck.

Dorinda

[Parrothead]

My cousin just went through this with the other side of her family. Turns out the living children crafted a new will leaving my cousin out. Her grandmother signed it, but because she was pressured to sign it (among other things), the will didn't hold up in court. All that to say, maybe the OP's Grandma didn't even write this new will. Maybe her living children typed it up just to cut OP out?

I will concede that if the OP thinks something underhanded is going on she should pursue what avenues are available to her including having the unofficial will examined.

 

OP, I'm a bit confused at this point. Is there more than one will?

[G5052]

I haven't read all of the other responses, but if there's not a valid will, the probate court will decide who gets what, period. Even if there is a valid will, it has to be handled through the county where the person made their primary residence and the executor has to account for the assets to probate court. The executor cannot make "under the table" agreements with people outside of the will or what the probate judge determines. The will you describe may be valid in some states though, and even if it's not, a probate judge may take it into account in determining what to do.

 

This is NOT something that family members determine. If they do, they are probably breaking the probate laws in that state.

 

And don't count on it going quickly. The last one we were involved with was less than $10,000 after everything was settled, and it was over a year before the final checks were cut.

Edited March 6, 2010 by GVA

[Evergreen State Sue]

My mom passed away. Then my dad got remarried three times (divorced twice). All this happened when he was in his early 60's to early 70's and all us kids were adults. Before each new marriage he revised his will stating that his 3 children would be his sole heirs. With the last marriage money was tight so he didn't get it revised. His current will was invalid when he died because he had remarried and it was a community property state. We tried to fight this, but his then wife of only 4 years ended up getting what the law allowed, 1/2 to her and 1/2 split 3 ways for his 3 children. We didn't think this was right and she wouldn't graciously give us what my father had intended because lawfully it was due her. This is a lesson to make sure your will is up to date and how you want it!

 

However, I see your situation different. You are a blood relative whereas the woman married to my dad wasn't. I think you should get what was due your father - a share of the estate split equally. If after you get your fair share you want to give back to your aunts as a gift, feel free to do so, but they shouldn't ask for that gift up front. Get an attorney. It's the right thing to do.

[at the beach]

I agree with the pp who said that the probate court will make determinations. If there is no official will, then the statute of descent and distribution of that state will go into effect. Are there two wills or just one that is not official? If there is an official will, this is the one that must be filed. You can check with that county's probate court if grandma previously filed a will there. I suppose they could argue that your grandmother's intent was to have the new unofficial will but that would be hard IMO. After all, it was signed without a notary and who are the witnesses, if any? It appears that the family wants to attempt to introduce the unofficial will into probate as being her wishes and hope you don't object? And the 1/4 of the 1/4 is money to placate you?

 

I would suggest you find a lawyer in your grandmother's community--one who comes highly recommended. Be careful with whom you consult and hire. Look for a specialist in the probate area. Then, see if that person will represent you. If you can't afford a lawyer, see if he/she will represent you for a share of the estate proceeds. Then, your relatives can deal with your lawyer and you don't have to deal with them.

 

Frankly, I would take my share. Why shouldn't you? If there is no official will, then how can you know what your grandmother's intent really was? If there is no official will, the State determines distribution and that's all there is to it. If there is an official will that leaves the estate to the children and does not indicate that it is only living children who take, then you have a right to your father's share, and your grandmother set the will up that way.

 

You are doing nothing wrong by taking what has been left to you either via a will or through a state statute.

Edited March 6, 2010 by Violet

[Sonshine]

I haven't read all of the other posts, but have a way to look at this. You have been deprived of the presence of your father for 20 years. It is common for people to divide the estate evenly between their children, even if some were more involved in their lives than others. My grandmother did it that way. If you are able to receive a blessing from your grandmother through your father in this manner, I would accept it. If he were still alive, would that make things any different in your relatives' eyes? If he were alive, inherited his share of the money, and passed on a lot of it to you when he died, you would still be ultimately getting the money. They may feel cheated because they spent more time with your grandmother in the last few years of her life than you or your dad (obviously), but your dad was her child. I have many children and know that some may give more of themselves to me at one stage of their life than another will - they are still all my children.

I would for sure get an attorney, and make sure I knew everything going on legally. You can bet they have an attorney. I would not give up a huge blessing for your family to appease some people you aren't even that close to.

[JFSinIL]

I agree with everyone that says to take your dad's share - he would have passed it on to you anyhow - you have already been "penalized" by losing your father so long ago. Why should you also lose an inheritance???

[Corraleno]

There are several issues here that make me deeply suspicious. First of all, wills do not need to be notarized. They do need to have 2 witnesses, and in most states the witnesses cannot be potential inheritors. A "holographic will" written entirely in the testator's handwriting is accepted in 25 states, even without witnesses.

 

So the fact that your aunt is saying the "unofficial will" was "not notarized" doesn't make sense ~ it doesn't need to be. I suspect that there must be another reason it isn't valid. Maybe your aunt (or one of her siblings) typed something up quickly when they realized the end was near and had her sign it without witnesses? Or maybe the witnesses were the very relatives who would benefit from this new will?

 

If it had truly been your grandmother's intent to cut your father's heirs out of the will, it would have been very easy for her to arrange to legitimize the will. She could have had the next door neighbors come over and witness her signature, or any other 2 disinterested parties. The fact that the so-called "unofficial will" was not legal makes me think it does NOT, in fact, reflect your grandmother's wishes ~ but rather the wishes of those relatives who would have gotten a larger share of the pie.

 

I would definitely consult a probate lawyer and have him look at the will ~ especially the date and the witnesses (if there are any). You may discover that it was hastily thrown together by the very relatives who are currently trying to take a large chunk of your share.

 

Jackie

[BlsdMama]

Hm. Well, my thoughts are if you really don't care, and you weren't expecting anything... Tell them you'll take 1/2 the amount they can split the other 1/2 and call it good. Is it worth the stress of dealing with family relationships to get X amount? I'm not sure it is. We've seen family utterly DESTROYED by relatively small sums here. And it disgusts me how relatively NICE people just show their UGLY when $$ is concerned. Seriously? I told my parents to donate every penny they have to something when they die so this never happens to my sibs and I. (And it totally WOULD happen between my brother and sister.)

 

No amount is worth it. None. But that's just my .02.

[coffeefreak]

I told my parents to donate every penny they have to something when they die so this never happens to my sibs and I. (And it totally WOULD happen between my brother and sister.)

 

No amount is worth it. None. But that's just my .02.

 

You bring up a good point. My sis and I are it. We know our mom is not leaving us anything and we're not happy about it, but we understand how burned she's felt by her family members. She doesn't want us to fight which we wouldn't. . .but you never know. What if one of us has a major medical expense or is unemployed at the time of her death? Should one of us get more because of that? And, to be fair, she didn't appoint either of us executor which means we're just to attend the memorial service. In a way, it's pretty nice.

 

DH is one of 5. His parents have decided it will be a "blessing" to leave the kids their house on the Lake. The taxes alone would kill us. We know the siblings who will want to keep it won't have the money to buy it from us, and we're not going to pay to maintain it, when we don't live close enough to use it. DH has said the minute that happens, he's getting a lawyer and signing his portion over to his siblings free and clear. It's just not worth it.

[vkay]

Wills are intended to show what the person *wanted* to happen to their money. Fair or not, it doesn't matter. If the grandma wanted her money to go to the 3 children and not her granddaughter, then that's what should happen.

 

In this case, there's a technicality and her actual wishes aren't going to be granted.

 

I think I'd take the 1/4 of a 1/4 and be grateful for the unexpected bonus. Bottom line is that you're just taking money that the person who died didn't want you to have. That would make me very uneasy - no matter how hard I tried to justify it.

 

That's my 2 cents, but then I'm always a bit too practical on matters.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Hm. Well, my thoughts are if you really don't care, and you weren't expecting anything... Tell them you'll take 1/2 the amount they can split the other 1/2 and call it good. Is it worth the stress of dealing with family relationships to get X amount? I'm not sure it is. We've seen family utterly DESTROYED by relatively small sums here. And it disgusts me how relatively NICE people just show their UGLY when $$ is concerned. Seriously? I told my parents to donate every penny they have to something when they die so this never happens to my sibs and I. (And it totally WOULD happen between my brother and sister.)

 

No amount is worth it. None. But that's just my .02.

 

Yes, but if a will is made fairly then there would not be any problems. IMHO it is unfair wills that cause problems:(

[3littlekeets]

Let's just say she had NO will, you wouldn't be entitle to a dime, would you? Children would get it all. Seems to me like they are doing you a favor. Unless LEGALLY you are entitled, then I'd graciously accept the deal.

 

IF they mean she has an older will that gave your dad 1/4 and thus you are LEGALLY entitled to it, then TAKE it :-), every last penny :-).

[JESSICAinMD]

IF you take the money and divide afterwards, you would still be responsible for paying the taxes on it at the end of the year right? (I am not even close to an expert regarding this, just wanted to suggest another possible issue.) I would do what the official will says and honor her wishes. It seemed like it was important enough for her to go the extra mile and make it official. It's a shame that family is trying to make you feel guilty about your aunt's decision.

Hugs!

[elizabeth]

they want me to take only 1/4 of my 1/4 and give the rest to them.

 

Call a lawyer that specializes in trusts and estates. The distribution scheme is different in every state . There is absolutely no reason not to hire legal counsel.