s/o--How did *you* know that you were done having children?

[mama2cntrykids]

Or...if you're NOT done...how do you know? Total fluff question, but the other thread just got me thinking.

 

So, fire away!

[Renee in NC]

We're done because we can't afford the ones we have.;)

[GaHadley]

I don't know how you know. I was so done 3 years ago after my 2nd dd was born, but it was my PPD talking. We're expecting #3 in two months. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed wondering how I'll handle 3, but sometimes I think I want to fill the house up (of course my mom thinks it's full already - I keep pointing out all the places for bunkbeds :) )

 

so, I don't really know!

[BamaTanya]

so filling up the minivan was a sign. :001_smile:

 

Seriously, having 2 sons diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders gave us pause. So did the frightening breathlessness I experienced from the BEGINNING of my last pregnancy. After #5 was born, beautiful and healthy, we felt it best to focus on better care of the children already here.

 

We are very much pro-life and would gladly welcome another if God sent one. However, we aren't planning more . . .

[Emmy]

I knew I was done when I had a sense of being fulfilled in our family and when I could hold or see a newborn and it didn't fill me with that sense of ooooooh let's get us another one of those! :D

 

That being said - I had all these feelings and was confident I was done after my 4th son was born 3 years ago. The twins we had 2 weeks ago were a complete and unexpected surprise and the best gift I never asked for. :D

[Dayle in Guatemala]

When my doctor looked at me and said, "God has been good to you to give you 3 beautiful healthy children. You are still alive and I'm not sure I can guarantee that happening again. Please consider getting your tubes tied."

 

That's when I knew it was time. I wanted more. I wanted more up until my youngest was about 9 and I realized that at that point it would be like starting over again and I don't want to do that.

 

We foster babies now when we can. I love that! It's like being a grandma. You can spoil them rotten and send them on their way!:D

[BamaTanya]

I knew I was done when I had a sense of being fulfilled in our family and when I could hold or see a newborn and it didn't fill me with that sense of ooooooh let's get us another one of those! :D

 

That being said - I had all these feelings and was confident I was done after my 4th son was born 3 years ago. The twins we had 2 weeks ago were a complete and unexpected surprise and the best gift I never asked for. :D

 

This makes me smile! And I can totally relate: I remember a sense of completeness and contentment. The longing for more had faded away. It was replaced (in my best moments, lol) with gratitude for these blessings I'd received.

[Paula in PA]

After 3 confirmed and 2 probable miscarriages in the last 5 years, being diagnosed diabetic, and turning 42, it's become clear to me that I will not have another child. We would like to adopt, but it just isn't feasible right now. So my dd remains an only.

[Tabrett]

When you have no interest or desire of having another child. When you look at other people's newborns and are thankful you are done.

 

I don't want to be pregnant and I don't get emotional over other peoples pregnancies. After 4 and the last one being unexpected, this is the way I feel. I'm done! Happily done! My oldest is 15 and I look forward to my "littles" getting older.

 

Before I had #4 I used to day dream of having more children. Those day dreams have stopped.

 

Have yours?

[dirty ethel rackham]

After my second son was born, I really did not feel done. However, he had terrible tantrums and was a high-need child. We had our third child 4 years after he was born. I did not intend to have them so far apart, but there was no way I could have handled a baby with such a high need toddler. We went into that pregnancy knowing it was to be our last - I was approaching 37 and I was tired. When she was born, I felt complete. When I the midwife told me she was a girl (I was expecting My Three Sons), it was the icing on the cake. I was over the moon. My only regret is that she doesn't have a sibling closer in age and that she never got to be a big sister - she would have loved that. I just knew I did not have it in me to be pregnant again or go through that sleepless baby period. The birthing part was easy compared to those two:).

[JoyfulMama]

When I was expecting #3, my mom kept asking me if we were going to be done with three (everyone on that side of the family has 3 - it's a running joke). She felt confident that she was done when expecting #3. I told her I didn't feel that way. I told her that her decision to have her tubes tied after #3 was a good one for her, as she was comfortable with it. But I wasn't comfortable making that final decision. She finally got it - but she still wants/expects me to be done. I think dh's folks expect that we are done, too.

But I don't have that feeling. I'm just not bringing it up to them. :D

My dh and I long for another one... just not sure how/when that might occur.

[prairie rose]

We had said from the start we wanted 4 kids. We had the first three within 3 years and dh said we were done and I was too exhausted to say much of anything. :lol: But after we got over the hump of having three toddler/preschoolers in the house, I felt that tug for a fourth. Talked dh into it and we had our 4th. There is an almost 5 year gap between our two daughters. We were done, told everyone we were done but dh refuses to get snipped and I'm not about to have elective surgery so we had my second IUD placed. I was rather bittersweet about not having anymore kids. I mean I was quite content with my four, 2 boys and 2 girls, but seeing other's babies did make me kinda sad that we weren't having any more sometimes.

 

I was riddled with health problems after the birth of my 4th child. The Dr's could not figure out what was wrong with me. In a last ditch effort, we removed the IUD (which I had always believed she had placed wrong) and poof all my health problems cleared up. I accidentally got pregnant while looking into other methods of birth control. We weren't sure we could afford another one, but neither abortion nor adoption seemed like valid options. I finally got to have my home birth and water birth experience I had always wanted with my 5th child. Our family is definitely complete now. I'm no longer feel bittersweet when I see other's babies. I feel happy for them and glad that that stage in our life is over. I can hold a baby and not long for another one of my own. I had another IUD placed by a different doctor this time and it has been just as problem free as the first one I had. We are D-O-N-E, done! ;)

[lionfamily1999]

I knew I was done when I had a sense of being fulfilled in our family and when I could hold or see a newborn and it didn't fill me with that sense of ooooooh let's get us another one of those! :D

 

That being said - I had all these feelings and was confident I was done after my 4th son was born 3 years ago. The twins we had 2 weeks ago were a complete and unexpected surprise and the best gift I never asked for. :D

I thought the same thing. I was there for the birth of my neice last year and while I held that soft, tiny, bundle of joy I thought..... I'm so glad I don't have to take you home with me :lol:

 

That being said, recently I've starting having those *sigh* moments and I've noticed dh has started squeezing Luke a little too tight and bemoaning how quickly he's grown. It doesn't help that our kids, for some reason, always appear to be a year or two older than they are :glare: What do you do when your dear sweet baby toddler appears to be a 5-year-old? The least they could do is stay babies a little longer.

 

ETA: Op, I don't know if I'll ever be completely done, although if you catch me on the right day I'll parrot my mother (I've had eeny meeny and miney and I don't need no mo). I do not miss changing diapers at all, but there's so much to be said for a tiney little cuddle bug.

[6packofun]

I still get gooey over babies, but that doesn't mean I want to have another in my late 30's/early 40's. There is so much more left in life that God wants me to do beyond motherhood, I'm finding...and I may not even get to those things until our 3yo is much older and I'm nearing 50!

 

I really prayed about the more babies or not thing with God after I was pretty certain that I felt done with that phase of my life. I didn't want to deal with settling it in my heart and then having life turned upside down because God really had other plans but I just hadn't listened! God can definitely give different women different answers to this question, IMO, and I truly felt that God was OK with my desire to stop, so we did.

 

Ability to make babies doesn't necessarily mean continue making babies for me (and many others) and so I had my tubes tied. And I don't take that ever present baby longing/loving feeling as an automatic sign that I need to keep conceiving them. That's something I had to work out. Otherwise, many older/old women beyond their physical ability to have children should just keep adopting until they die because of their warm fuzzies. LOL :lol:

[Kari C in SC]

This makes me smile! And I can totally relate: I remember a sense of completeness and contentment. The longing for more had faded away. It was replaced (in my best moments, lol) with gratitude for these blessings I'd received.

 

 

:iagree:

 

When I had my second child, I did not feel that contentment. I was always thinking about just one more. My dh was not. Then his heart changed and we had our 3rd. I felt and still feel complete contentment. It has been a test this past year because I know so many having babies. I can honestly say that I don't want one. I am, however, ready to be a grandma in the next few years or so. I just don't want my ds to marry and have kids while he is in Alaska because it is too far away!

[Ginevra]

I am sooooo not done. I have tried to appreciate being done. Dh is done, which makes me done by default, so I have tried to live it up and do all those, "...then you will be able to..." perks that are supposed to make me so happy to be over the baby stage. But it leaves me empty.

 

I don't care for pregnancy at all and it isn't really "babies" in particular that pulls me. It's having another person in the family. That is what I love. I don't want to be at the end of that.

[i.love.lucy]

When my doctor looked at me and said, "God has been good to you to give you 3 beautiful healthy children. You are still alive and I'm not sure I can guarantee that happening again. Please consider getting your tubes tied."

My doc said a similar thing. I had my dd sort of late, 34, with no problems whatsoever. Then we waited a while and enjoyed her while trying to decide on more. I was a full time working mom and just couldn't figure out how to do it all. But we finally started trying for another and I had secondary infertility. Lots of drugs and interventions, and 2 miscarriages later, and I finally was pg with my son. Then I developed preeclampsia and almost died at 29 weeks. They had to deliver my son at that time and he spent 7 weeks in the NICU. My doc looked at me with all the earnestness she could muster and said "I think you need to pray about this, but as your doctor I can not advise you to have any more children."

 

So, we're done. It wasn't even until my son was about 3 that I was finally able to be at home with my kids, so I don't know how I would have juggled daycare, etc. I do feel at peace about it. As a good friend says "MY quiver is full".:D

[Donnado]

God closed my womb. We would have liked more but God knew what was best for our family. It was hard to end that chapter, but I am so glad it was not really up to me.

[astrid]

1. Kids are expensive. Dh and I didn't think we could afford more than one. Turns out, though we make a good living and both work, we were right. I seriously don't know how people with large families do it. This is not to say that dd is indulged, or spoiled with "things," that is really not the case. She has very little compared to her friends. No cell phone, no video games (we just got a Wii, but it's for all of us) and we don't take vacations that are not to a dog show, and even then we stay in a budget hotel. And college? I don't know how folks manage college for multiple children. We didn't want to have children that we could not really afford. Just our personal opinion; I"m not looking for rebuttals/fights/indignation.

 

2. I hated being pregnant. Dd was planned, we got pregnant when we tried, and she was born healthy, thankfully. However, I had four spinal taps and missed months of work (I was teaching full time) because if a bizarre virus that I picked up. Pregnancy did not agree with me, so for me, the thought of getting pregnant again was like thinking about jumping into water you KNOW is ice-cold.

 

3. I never had any desire, after dd was born, to have another. She would be toddling around and I'd hold a friend's baby, and think, "Oh, how sweet! Thank goodness she's not mine!" In other words, I never had that urge that most women get to have another baby. I used to feel guilty about that, and think it made me somehow less of a mother or less of a woman. Really.....I struggled with those feelings for a long time. Now they rear their ugly head occasionally, but on the whole, I think I"m getting over it.

 

So in a nutshell, that's my two cents.

 

astrid

[Karen in CO]

Milk allergy. . The youngest is allergic to dairy which we didn't find out until after 4 months of screaming and crying. It made us realize that the two of us were 40, had one kid nearing college, one nearing K and just didn't have the energy to consider more after the one with the painful tummy. We thought one might be enough then we might be done after number 2 but after number 3, we were certain. I was hoping for that sense of fulfillment, but I have never regretted that we were done.

[catalinakel]

After four miscarriages, which followed the births of my two kiddos, I was done. At age 43, I figured my eggs were too old....:glare:

[babysparkler]

We are done b/c dh had a Vasectomy... In my heart I am still hopeful that God works a miracle and we get a "surprise", but I agreed on the "V" for his sanity. Like someone else said, I am done because dh is done :(

Edited December 31, 2009 by babysparkler

[ereks mom]

There is so much more left in life that God wants me to do beyond motherhood, I'm finding...

 

I'm finding the same thing. I struggled so much with loss of identity when ER went away to college. For all these years, I've poured myself into raising my kids, and I didn't want it to end. But God has been gracious to me, and I am beginning to realize that there's a facet to life that I'd never considered -- life after kids. It still scares me, but I am learning to trust God with all that looms ahead.

 

To answer the OP's question... We got started "late" (I had my first baby shortly before I turned 30), then had my 2nd at age 34. Both were premature, which was scary, and since we had a boy & a girl, which is what we'd always wanted, we decided that was enough. Also, I wanted to be done because I had severe PPD after EK was born, and I never wanted to go through that again.

Edited December 31, 2009 by ereks mom

[Veritaserum]

We think we might be done. Our youngest is 18 months and we're looking forward to moving out of the baby/toddler phase and into the older child phase. We're not doing anything permanent about it, though.

 

I've got a nephew living with us who is 2.5 months old. I've watched him along with caring for my five and think six is probably too many for me. :p

[Tidbits of Learning]

My first 3 are a year apart each, dd9 is 13 months older than dd8 who is 15 months older than ds7. I had 2 girls and a boy and was suppose to have my tubes tied. The insurance paperwork wasn't filled out right and we were moving states so it got put off.

I got pg with my 4th child when ds7 was two and had a horrible wreck and lost the baby at 20 weeks. I went through awful depression and pretty much didn't do anything but cry for a long time. I had had surgery at the loss and had so much scar tissue that I really wasn't supposed to get pregnant again.

Finally, recovered from that and was ready to lose weight and enjoy the kids I had and do more things with hubby. DS7 was almost 4 and potty trained. I had no kids in diapers. I was content. Or at least I thought I was content.

Until I found out that I was pregnant with ds3. He is my last. I couldn't go through another pregnancy. I was a paranoid mess the whole pregnancy that we would lose him and he would die. I was even in disbelief when he came out healthy and fine.

I never hesitated the next day when they asked if I was sure I wanted my tubes tied. My family is complete and everything happens for a reason.

[LibraryLover]

I know I am done having more bio kids, but i wonder if there isn't someone else out there somewhere, someday.

[mommyto3]

I struggled for about 2 yrs after dd4 with "being done" since my dh was. Finally, I came to terms with it and told him it was time for him to have surgery. He put it off, put it off, and put it off. During that time, I wavered back and forth with hoping I'd get pg and wishing terribly that I wouldn't. Then surprise! I'm 18wks pg with #4. Dh is still not thrilled and I am wishy-washy. This pg has been very difficult, definitely the hardest, for various reasons and I know this will be our last.

[tatertotschool]

I have no idea. I'm currently waiting on my 4th (although one of my twins is no longer with me). This one is not planned, and getting my tubes tied is so final because I don't know if I'm done. It is difficult for me to take BC, so we did NFP and got PG with this one while I was weaning my 12 month old. Being done enough to get sterilized would solve that problem, but might create more problems.

 

I know plenty of people who have regretted a vasectomy or tubal- but not one who said, you know, we sure do like our last baby, but I would be so much more happy had we gotten a tubal instead.

[Crissy]

When my husband (who is 16 years older than me) said he didn't want any more children.

It was really difficult to accept. I sat on the steps outside the clinic and bawled while he was having a vasectomy a few months later.

It took a few years before I was able to get past the resentment I felt.

[Tree House Academy]

We went back and forth for a bit after ds6 was born. We decided that I could not physically or mentally handle another pregnancy. The ppd and worsening of my OCD/HA after having ds6 was just too much to go through again. My kids here need me!

 

What happened recently to let me know that I was truly beyond the baby stage was seeing my best friend (and other online friends) have babies and not once getting baby fever. My thought was, "better you than me!" So, yeah, that pretty much let me know I was done (physically and even emotionally).

[Mommyfaithe]

Or...if you're NOT done...how do you know? Total fluff question, but the other thread just got me thinking.

 

So, fire away!

 

When my last one came out and said "Grandma???? What are you ding here???" :lol:

 

No...really...I just knew we were done. I was/ am fried and my older kids were beginning to move on, get married...I wanted to have a few years before I really WAS the Grandma to get my bearings and be able to be a good Mommy to my older kids and a good Grandma at some point. My baby will be 6 in February, and I really have no desire for more of my own babies.

I am really just trying my best to raise the ones we have.

 

~~Faithe

[tatertotschool]

I'm finding the same thing. I struggled so much with loss of identity when ER went away to college. For all these years, I've poured myself into raising my kids, and I didn't want it to end. But God has been gracious to me, and I am beginning to realize that there's a facet to life that I'd never considered -- life after kids. It still scares me, but I am learning to trust God with all that looms ahead.

 

To answer the OP's question... We got started "late" (I had my first baby shortly before I turned 30), then had my 2nd at age 34. Both were premature, which was scary, and since we had a boy & a girl, which is what we'd always wanted, we decided that was enough. Also, I wanted to be done because I had severe PPD after EK was born, and I never wanted to go through that again.

 

 

We're late bloomers too. My twins were born shortly before I turned 30. I'm 33 now and the baby I am carrying, although we do not believe he has Downs- the peri is pretty sure he doesn't- but can't 100% guarantee it. If I were younger, I tend to think that I wouldn't be done. I'm one of 4- DH is one of 4, we'd planned to raise 4. But, I am getting older.

[mom2denj]

I have 4 beautiful children 17, 16, 12 and 3 (all the same marriage, just kept getting the itch). I really would have loved one more. I am 41. In May, a friend asked me to keep her baby while she was waiting to get into daycare. She is a really good baby, but I was only supposed to have her until Oct.1 and I still have her. It has been really hard to keep up with homeschooling. I know it would probably be different if she was mine, I guess. I am absolutely sure that I am very happy with 4 and I am done! Maybe you need to take up babysitting to be sure.:D

[SheilaZ]

I got the hint when I had to have a rescue cerclage at 31 weeks that failed and had to spend the rest of the pregnancy on total bedrest with three other children running around. (7, 4, and almost 2)

When my OB (A father of 8) said that if I decided to have another, that they would do the cerclage before 20 weeks and lots of bedrest.....that sealed the deal for me.

[Impish]

I don't know. Wolf says no more. He's done with diapers. I don't feel our family is complete though. I've prayed, and am leaving it completely up to God, and have a sense of peace since. It will be as God wills it, and that's that.

[kmacnchs]

I am perfectly content with the 3 I have. I HATE being pregnant. however...

 

When people ask dh how many we are going to have, he says "until she wears out" (only half-joking)

Using BC is not an option and I have heard so many of my friends regret vasectomies, it makes me weary.

So, my dh has agreed to wait until my ds is 1 yr old before there are no limitations (I follow my cycle right now)...

 

Anyone been in this situation? I seem to only hear those of you who want more but their dh doesn't...anyone the other way around? btw, if I could just go through labor but not have to deal with the first 3 mo of pgcy, etc, I would be fine with having many more - oh, and I could skip the 18mo test-the-limits/tantrum phase :glare:

[asta]

I got one, absolutely perfect, little boy.

 

And then I got so sick I almost died.

 

My husband had a vasectomy to save my life. I have never once cried about it, felt resentful toward him for it, or had any other ill feelings toward him in that regard.

 

I have gone through varying stages of "baby lust" over the last 16 years, but, in the end, I just had to grow up and get over it. It is like any other death: it never stops hurting, but eventually you stop letting it consume you, and you just don't spend all of your time thinking about the "woulda coulda shouldas".

 

I am thankful for what has been entrusted to me.

 

 

a

[Nakia]

Several reasons; I hate being pregnant, everyone else hates me when I'm pregnant, my husband had a vasectomy. :D

[Rhonda in TX]

When my husband said, "we're done". Honestly, I wouldn't be upset if I turned up PG now at age almost-43. Two kids just isn't enough for me.

[lulubelle]

It took me quite some time to recover after my 3rd. I didn't feel myself again till about 1 1/2 years after. Plus hitting 40 and knowing I did not want to be an older mom, which I am just for having all three in my 30's.

[newbie]

When you try for five yrs and nothing happens.

[coffeefreak]

I am sooooo not done. I have tried to appreciate being done. Dh is done, which makes me done by default, so I have tried to live it up and do all those, "...then you will be able to..." perks that are supposed to make me so happy to be over the baby stage. But it leaves me empty.

 

I don't care for pregnancy at all and it isn't really "babies" in particular that pulls me. It's having another person in the family. That is what I love. I don't want to be at the end of that.

 

This is where I'm at. We were done after our second, not by our choice, but by the Lord's. Both pregnancies were hard, it takes me a year to recover, and it's too hard on me and our family. At my one year appointment after 2nd dd, my midwife made it very clear she could not attend to me if I got pregnant again. And, quite honestly, I could not put my oldest through those hardships again. Having Mom "sick" for two years is really hard on the kids. So, we were done and then I had to have a hysterectomy which made us double done :D (it also explained a lot about why my pregnancies and postpartum went the way they did). I like the age of 2 on. I could totally adopt an older child, but we've decided we need to visit that option when our kids are a little older.

 

Don't get me wrong, it took me 3 years to be happy with being "done." Part of that was bad/faulty medicine. I had lived my whole adult life being told by Doctors that there was nothing wrong with me. That I needed to "get over" the pain/depression/illness, see a counselor, it's all psychological etc. You name it, I was told it. So, I thought I was just a wimp! That all changed in 2007 and all of the sudden it was, "Oh! There is something wrong and I can't believe we never saw it! Wow! You were right! How have you been living like this?!" :glare: But, I digress.:001_smile:

 

Once I realized I was blessed to get pregnant in the first place, much less two times, I was very much at peace with being done. It's not what we had planned, but I totally believe it was God's perfect plan.

 

Blessings!

Dorinda

[coffeefreak]

I got one, absolutely perfect, little boy.

 

And then I got so sick I almost died.

 

My husband had a vasectomy to save my life. I have never once cried about it, felt resentful toward him for it, or had any other ill feelings toward him in that regard.

 

I have gone through varying stages of "baby lust" over the last 16 years, but, in the end, I just had to grow up and get over it. It is like any other death: it never stops hurting, but eventually you stop letting it consume you, and you just don't spend all of your time thinking about the "woulda coulda shouldas".

 

I am thankful for what has been entrusted to me.

 

 

a

 

Asta,

I should have just copied yours in the first place. You said it beautifully! Much better than I did (I tend to be long winded. . .can you tell?).

Blessings!

Dorinda

:grouphug:

[rwjx2khsmj]

We waited 7 years before we were ready to have children. DH though maybe 1, I wanted four. After #3 and a bit of time, DH scheduled a vasectomy. I reminded him that I wanted another child. He told me to give it my best shot before the scheduled date. It was probably the best six weeks of his life. We got #4, he got the vasectomy. We are done now and it's the right thing at the right time for all of us.

[Ginevra]

I know plenty of people who have regretted a vasectomy or tubal- but not one who said, you know, we sure do like our last baby, but I would be so much more happy had we gotten a tubal instead.

 

This is one of the logical points I have made to my dh. That he would not be unhappy to have another child, even if it wasn't what he sought. But I am unhappy not to have another child. I have known people who regretted being sterilized, but I have never met anyone who was sorry they had another child.

 

I have gone through varying stages of "baby lust" over the last 16 years, but, in the end, I just had to grow up and get over it. It is like any other death: it never stops hurting, but eventually you stop letting it consume you, and you just don't spend all of your time thinking about the "woulda coulda shouldas".

 

I am thankful for what has been entrusted to me.

 

 

 

Nicely phrased. Advice I should take, to be sure.

[Punks in Ontario]

He was 45 when we had our last one and feeling rather tired. We were having alot of problems with my dd (17) at the time, and then dear baby was terribly sick as a newborn.

 

I registered an objection with him, but I could see his point as well. Now that I'm mid forties, I'm losing my interest in having young children in the house. Life is much more organized without littles around!:)

[SonshineLearner]

I'm done cuz we decided.... I'm sick while pregnant... all 9 months... but will always have some sadness that I'll never have another one to sling and nurse...

 

Carrie

[Granny_Weatherwax]

When DH said "No more." I wish we had one or two more, especially because we had our children while we were young. I am dreading the empty nest in my 40's.

[mama2cntrykids]

Thank you every one for your stories!! It's so neat to see everyone's uniquiness. My dh is done (well, kind of--he wouldn't be disappointed if we had another). I'm not so done ;). Some days I think I am, some days not. We're not preventing but we're not trying either and it's been that way since dd3 was born. So, if the Lord blesses us with another, great!! If not, that's fine too!

[Rosie_0801]

We can't afford more, two bouts of gestational diabetes was miserable enough that I never want to experience it again and neither or us are brave enough to go through another baby's first year without help. I want to be a nice Mamma again, and for that I need sleep. A couple more would be very tempting if they could be acquired at say 10 months of age. They are so cute at that age, and importantly, they are mobile.

 

Rosie