i.love.lucy Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 literally. Our routine has morphed into this thing where we don't really spend much time together in the evenings. He's a cigar/pipe smoker and likes his football, so several nights a week after we have dinner he heads out to his "man cave" in the garage and watches football, or Mythbusters type shows, works on his car restoration project, and has a cigar. He's beat by 10:30 and comes in to head to bed. I am usually still cleaning up after dinner, feeding the dog, bathing the kids, finishing up evening stuff and I put them to bed. Often they are not in bed until 9 or 9:30. THEN I get to start a load of laundry, fold the clean ones, straighten up around the house. Often it's 10 or later when I finally sit down with a sigh and get to check my email, surf around, check in here. Sometimes I stay online for a while, sometimes I want to go read a book, watch a DVR'd show, or a Netflix. It's MY uninterrupted time. Now he wants me to start getting the kids in bed by 8 so we are done with stories, etc by 8:30. So he will still get his man-cave time for a couple of hours and I will still get my time. And we'd go to bed together at 10:30. 10:30?!?!?:blink: That's practically early evening for a night owl. Why am I feeling SO resentful of this? It's not about *tea time* either. We manage that at other times, or yes, we schedule it in. I am a bona fide (sp?) night owl. I hit my second wind at 8pm. I feel like I give and give and give to all those around me, and those few hours when the whole house is asleep, I am not accountable to anyone. No one interrupts my "Grey's Anatomy" and says "I can't believe you can watch that show!!". Or teases me about my 37th watching/reading of Pride and Prejudice. I'm sure this boils down to doing what would make him happy and that I will see the benefit too. More sleep. Happier dh. Closer relationship. I should be glad that I have a husband that wants to spend time with me. I am probably just resenting it because since he doesn't do much/anything to help around the house, I am seeing this as just one more demand on me. I suppose it wouldn't hurt for him to bear witness to the fact that I have a lot to do in the evenings and that if we wants me to be done with it so that I can go to bed when he does at 10:30, then I might need some help. Hmmmm... maybe not such a bad thing.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I adore Pride and Prejudice! That said, have you told your husband why you like to stay up late? Alone/sanity time is hugely important. I do hope he comes to understand your position on this, and why it matters to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I suppose it wouldn't hurt for him to bear witness to the fact that I have a lot to do in the evenings and that if we wants me to be done with it so that I can go to bed when he does at 10:30, then I might need some help. Hmmmm... maybe not such a bad thing.:tongue_smilie: That's it. He wants to hang, he's gotta help you get it all done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Why not wait til he goes to sleep and then get up again? If you're a true night owl it'l work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 My dh would like me to go to bed with him too. I love him dearly but I physically can not do this. Not only am I a night owl - but I have insomnia to boot. I would be miserable. And believe me, even though he got what he wanted, I think he would be miserable in the long run because you know the saying, "When Mama's unhappy, everyone's unhappy!" (Did I quote that right?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I suppose it wouldn't hurt for him to bear witness to the fact that I have a lot to do in the evenings and that if we wants me to be done with it so that I can go to bed when he does at 10:30, then I might need some help. Hmmmm... maybe not such a bad thing.:tongue_smilie: Would it be worth losing your 'me' time to get some 'us' time while cleaning up? If he helps (giving up some his 'me' time), giving you a chance for a little 'me' time (albeit less than you had before), would you go to bed early? Consider giving him a massage till you fall asleep. The idea usually makes me pretty sleepy :p I think THAT would really create a new sense of closeness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mo2 Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 That's it. He wants to hang, he's gotta help you get it all done. Yep. Sweetly point out that, "Well, if you could (bathe the kids/feed the dog/start the laundry/or whatever) while I finish the dishes, I could be done a lot sooner." It might not work, but it's worth a shot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 You can have me time in the early morning too. The time change has really helped me to get our schedule turned around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 literally. Our routine has morphed into this thing where we don't really spend much time together in the evenings. He's a cigar/pipe smoker and likes his football, so several nights a week after we have dinner he heads out to his "man cave" in the garage and watches football, or Mythbusters type shows, works on his car restoration project, and has a cigar. He's beat by 10:30 and comes in to head to bed. I am usually still cleaning up after dinner, feeding the dog, bathing the kids, finishing up evening stuff and I put them to bed. Often they are not in bed until 9 or 9:30. THEN I get to start a load of laundry, fold the clean ones, straighten up around the house. Often it's 10 or later when I finally sit down with a sigh and get to check my email, surf around, check in here. Sometimes I stay online for a while, sometimes I want to go read a book, watch a DVR'd show, or a Netflix. It's MY uninterrupted time. Now he wants me to start getting the kids in bed by 8 so we are done with stories, etc by 8:30. So he will still get his man-cave time for a couple of hours and I will still get my time. And we'd go to bed together at 10:30. 10:30?!?!?:blink: That's practically early evening for a night owl. Why am I feeling SO resentful of this? It's not about *tea time* either. We manage that at other times, or yes, we schedule it in. I am a bona fide (sp?) night owl. I hit my second wind at 8pm. I feel like I give and give and give to all those around me, and those few hours when the whole house is asleep, I am not accountable to anyone. No one interrupts my "Grey's Anatomy" and says "I can't believe you can watch that show!!". Or teases me about my 37th watching/reading of Pride and Prejudice. I'm sure this boils down to doing what would make him happy and that I will see the benefit too. More sleep. Happier dh. Closer relationship. I should be glad that I have a husband that wants to spend time with me. I am probably just resenting it because since he doesn't do much/anything to help around the house, I am seeing this as just one more demand on me. I suppose it wouldn't hurt for him to bear witness to the fact that I have a lot to do in the evenings and that if we wants me to be done with it so that I can go to bed when he does at 10:30, then I might need some help. Hmmmm... maybe not such a bad thing.:tongue_smilie: compromise? Maybe schedule a couple nights a week to humor him for a week and see how it goes? I'm also a night owl. It's only when the kids finally are sleeping that I feel I get some private time and personal time that I really badly need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) Ugh! I don't have too much advice, but just reading your post made my blood boil for a fellow night owl--or maybe that was PMS? :lol: I am the same way, and when DH wants a fight, he just asks me why I need to stay up so late at night and why I can't just come to bed with him. Gee, let's see, I start my day by helping him get the kids ready for wherever they're going (a job he swore he could do by himself), then frantically spend several hours trying to do the job I hate and fit everything in, then run around like a mad woman trying to pick the kids up on time and/or clean up before my mom comes to start lecturing me, spend another few hours doing that job I hate, then start the wrassling of children into bed, then he comes home in time to hog the TV for 3 hours while giving me epileptic fits by flipping the channels crazily and settling only on shows I cannot stand, like the World Series of Poker EVERY NIGHT. Hmmm...I wonder why I stay up until all hours? Yeah, I would explain it to him. Maybe I would offer to give up one night a week, and I would tell him that if he really wants to spend some time with me, he can sacrifice a little time in his man cave too. Or, I would do what I have also done in the past: Go to bed with him, wait until he falls asleep, and then head back into the living room for some mama time! (BTW, sorry for the rant, it's a hot button issue for me, in case you couldn't tell :lol: DH and I had a big fight over the TV one night related to this whole thing, and I'm still a bit miffed!) ETA that while I was posting and helping DD with her game, everyone else posted the same ideas (more constructively and sans rants, of course :lol:). Sorry about the repetition! Edited November 12, 2009 by melissel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I just went through something similar with my dh. We are often in opposite ends of the house all day and don't get much time together. I am a night owl - I love 2am!! He is in bed at 11pm. I admit there were problems - my son has sleeping issues and was often up with me at 2am. We would often end up sleeping in our rec room. My dh really didn't help at night at all, so I was a bit resentful of his criticism. He decided he would take charge of my ds and his sleeping problems and make him go to bed at 11pm. (Sometimes he gets this attitude that he is going to walk in and fix everything:glare:) I decided to try melatonin with my son, and this has helped his situation tremendously! I just let dh think it is all because of him.:D But I do appreciate the time he is spending with my son at night, and now we manage to watch a few shows together at night, so that is nice. I'm still a night owl though, so I load up my Blackberry with some good reading, or bring my laptop up with me. Now if my hubby would stop hogging the blankets, grinding his teeth while sleeping, and having nighttime twitches, things would be lovely!;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 As a fellow night owl, I will lay down with him until he falls asleep. He is like a baby and want to cuddle to fall asleep. I couldn't fall asleep that way for anything. Then I get up and do my night owl think. I don't do this every night. I do try to at least 4 nights a week. It makes him feel special. He understands my need for alone time at night. He usually in bed by 9-10. My teens are require to be in their rooms by ten. The whole house becomes mine with know one demanding or asking question. I have complete quiet time to read or do whatever. When the boys were younger I had them in bed by 8:00, so I could have the evening to myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Why not wait til he goes to sleep and then get up again? If you're a true night owl it'l work. This was my solution. I still need an hour's warning as to when he plans to lay down though. When he says, "I am going to bed now", he get up and goes to bed. :confused: When I say I am going to bed that means I start the bedtime routine of: taking the dog out, making sure all animals have water, turning off the aquarium lights, locking all doors, adjusting the thermostats, making sure all children are in the house, in the bed, covered up, and all the tvs and computers are off, sign all school paperwork. Then I have to take my meds, go to the bathroom and so on and so forth. Then I am ready to lay down with him for the total of two minutes that it takes him to fall asleep. Since I have insomnia, I usually lay for about ten minutes until he has reached deep sleep then get up and get on the computer or read or whatever. If I don't do all those things before he lays down then there is invariably noise that disturbs him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Why not wait til he goes to sleep and then get up again? If you're a true night owl it'l work. :iagree: This is what I do. I lay down with DH, we have cuddle time, talking time and once he's snoring, I'm up again. But then, my DH also does the dishes and asks me what else I'd like him to do around the house. So....I feel if he wants me to "put him to bed" then, he deserves it. Ask your DH to help out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tidbits of Learning Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 literally. Our routine has morphed into this thing where we don't really spend much time together in the evenings. He's a cigar/pipe smoker and likes his football, so several nights a week after we have dinner he heads out to his "man cave" in the garage and watches football, or Mythbusters type shows, works on his car restoration project, and has a cigar. He's beat by 10:30 and comes in to head to bed. I am usually still cleaning up after dinner, feeding the dog, bathing the kids, finishing up evening stuff and I put them to bed. Often they are not in bed until 9 or 9:30. THEN I get to start a load of laundry, fold the clean ones, straighten up around the house. Often it's 10 or later when I finally sit down with a sigh and get to check my email, surf around, check in here. Sometimes I stay online for a while, sometimes I want to go read a book, watch a DVR'd show, or a Netflix. It's MY uninterrupted time. Now he wants me to start getting the kids in bed by 8 so we are done with stories, etc by 8:30. So he will still get his man-cave time for a couple of hours and I will still get my time. And we'd go to bed together at 10:30. 10:30?!?!?:blink: That's practically early evening for a night owl. Why am I feeling SO resentful of this? It's not about *tea time* either. We manage that at other times, or yes, we schedule it in. I am a bona fide (sp?) night owl. I hit my second wind at 8pm. I feel like I give and give and give to all those around me, and those few hours when the whole house is asleep, I am not accountable to anyone. No one interrupts my "Grey's Anatomy" and says "I can't believe you can watch that show!!". Or teases me about my 37th watching/reading of Pride and Prejudice. I'm sure this boils down to doing what would make him happy and that I will see the benefit too. More sleep. Happier dh. Closer relationship. I should be glad that I have a husband that wants to spend time with me. I am probably just resenting it because since he doesn't do much/anything to help around the house, I am seeing this as just one more demand on me. I suppose it wouldn't hurt for him to bear witness to the fact that I have a lot to do in the evenings and that if we wants me to be done with it so that I can go to bed when he does at 10:30, then I might need some help. Hmmmm... maybe not such a bad thing.:tongue_smilie: Just a suggestion but going to bed at 10:30 doesn't mean you have to stay in bed after he falls asleep if you can't. I have done that before when my dh wants me to go to bed at the same time as him. Sometimes I do fall asleep and sometimes after he goes to sleep I get up and do things I need to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeaganS Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 My husband is a night owl. For similar reasons as you. He likes the alone time. I, on the other hand, go to bed by 10/10:30. What we've done is have him come into the room with me and hang out until I go to sleep. Then he's free to do his thing. I usually fall asleep after 10 minutes or so. I really enjoy this time. Sometimes he'll bring the computer in to bed and play on it while I fall asleep. We get a lot of good talking done during this time, and I wouldn't change it. It's gotten to where I have to go to sleep while he's awake or I feel weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Why not wait til he goes to sleep and then get up again? If you're a true night owl it'l work. This is a great idea. I hope her dh falls off to sleep fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 When we went through this a few years ago, I would lay down with him until he fell asleep and then get back up. He had a hard time falling asleep if I wasn't with him. I *hated* that...I had 4 kids depending on me for everything all day long, and that was more than I thought I could take. It ended up not being a big deal, though...I'd get back up, do my night owl stuff, and come to bed when I was ready. (gently) It sounds like you're resenting your DH because of your workload. If you're having a hard time getting everything done, is there a way of reworking your schedule or delegating more to the kids? These days, I've been making sure I get my "me time" in the afternoon so I'm available for my DH when he gets home from work. He needs to have time at home to relax, to listen to the music he likes, to be spontaneous, so I try to make sure I get my work done and take care of my needs as much as possible while he's not here. I have some flexibility with my schedule being home all day, DH does not. Or, is it possible to bring in some outside help? If you truly have more on your plate than you can handle and still be a wife to your DH, and he really doesn't want to help, maybe paying a teen to come over once a week and help with chores would work. Hope you're able to find something that works for you both! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Make sure he understands that you need you "mom cave" time just like he needs his time. No sooner do you start your hard-earned "mom cave " time than he, done with HIS time, wants you to stop. not fair. He should help more with chores/kids so you can then BOTH have a couple hours to yourselves to chill. Then he can ask you to come to bed...maybe you can alternate and every other night you do so, cuddle, etc. ;) and the other nights you get to stay up as late as you like and he, a grown man, manages to go to sleep by himself. Yeah - I like that - alternate nights and he has to cut his "cave" time short and help with kids/chores on nights you agree to not stay up late. it is all about compromise, isn't it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Oh my gosh, you sound SO much like me. Especailly the part about how when your DH says he's ready for bed, he just goes and lays down. Mine does not seem to understand why I still have 30 minutes worth of things to do before I can actually GET into bed. And while mine can sit and veg in front of the TV when he gets home from work, my day does not end until my head hits the pillow. I'm a night owl too. I can easily stay up till 1 AM with no problems, and even then I have to make myself get up and go to bed. I've been trying to be in bed by 11 each night, but I hate it. I would sit down with him and ask him exactly why he wants you to go to bed with him. And explain what you just explained to us. If he still wants you to do it I would compromise. Maybe three nights a week, you lie down with him. The other nights you dont. And like someone else mentioned, if he wants you in bed with him earlier, he needs to step up and help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) I have to be honest...I have a really hard time with anyone 'demanding' or 'commanding' me in any way, shape or form. At least, beyond those that I gave birth to :D and even then, once they're old enough, they're taught to ask nicely. Wolf does have the 'man cave' thing too. Fortunately, its not an all evening thing, and he's hands on with the kids bedtime routines. I'd honestly resent and be quite angry with him if he spent all evening apart from the family, and then wanted me to have the same bedtime as him too. If he'd be willing to help out in the evening, I'd be willing to lay down with him...but not the way it currently is if I were in your position. ETA: Diva is 11, and in bed by 830 weeknights, 9 on wknds. The Littles are in bed at 730. Do your kids sleep late in the am? Edited November 12, 2009 by Impish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 A lot of times we go to bed separately and usually he doesn't mind. LIke last night, he had to go to sleep earlier since he had a 7:03 flight at an AF base at least 30 minutes away. BUt I agree with others. Going to bed means dishwasher loaded and on, meds taken, pets taken care of, lights off,etc, etc. Occasionally I need to go to bed earlier. I never ask him to come to bed earlier although he does tell me to go to bed sometimes. I also get up after a bit if I am not sleepy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Why am I feeling SO resentful of this? It's not about *tea time* either. We manage that at other times, or yes, we schedule it in. I am a bona fide (sp?) night owl. I hit my second wind at 8pm. I feel like I give and give and give to all those around me, and those few hours when the whole house is asleep, I am not accountable to anyone. No one interrupts my "Grey's Anatomy" and says "I can't believe you can watch that show!!". Or teases me about my 37th watching/reading of Pride and Prejudice. I'm sure this boils down to doing what would make him happy and that I will see the benefit too. More sleep. Happier dh. Closer relationship. I should be glad that I have a husband that wants to spend time with me. I am probably just resenting it because since he doesn't do much/anything to help around the house, I am seeing this as just one more demand on me. I'm not a night owl, but I have a similar issue. I feel like once the kids are in bed, I finally have that few hours all to myself. I can read or like you said, watch a show he wouldn't like or piddle around on the net. My husband also has a "man-cave" where he hangs out with his motorcycles, tv and dog. Some nights, though, he comes up early. When I hear the house alarm ring because he's setting it, I totally resent it. If I happen to be folding laundry or something and I hear that alarm, I could go rambo, thinking, "GRRR! I haven't even had a sliver of time to myself and here is one more demand and interruption!" :glare: So, I'm no help, but I commisserate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Well, dh and I really do not sleep together much anymore. I read in bed after a bath and he watches tv and falls asleep then may wonder into bed for a couple of hours then go to work. So really he is only in bed with me for 2-3 hours. I am TOTALLY ok with it. Of course, we have a wonderful S-X life. :D:D It is not important to either of us to actually sleep together. If I was in your situation I will tell him that he can go ahead and go to bed. Just be honest with him that you can't do that and you will keep him up with your insomnia. btw I didn't read any responses so I apologize if this is a repeat. I got use to dh not coming to bed with me and now I like it. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 How about if you go to bed with him and get up once he's asleep? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Seriously? He is just going to have to help out if he's asking that of you. I am busy all day, evening, etc. up until when the kids are finally in bed. After that is me or us time, and I always need "me" time, so if there's going to be any "us" time, John knows he needs to help clean up the house, help with the kids, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 That would never work here. By 10:30, I am like you - settling in to do my own thing for a few hours. Dh gets up at 6am, I get up closer to 8:30 or 9. It works. Have you talked to dh and told him why this bothers you? Also, maybe let him tell you why he wants this so much. Can't hurt to try it out if it is important to him. Maybe compromise and you read while he goes to sleep??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 That's what I do. On those nights that it seems to matter to dh that I go to bed at the same time he does (it's not every night), I do. Sometimes I fall asleep (and wake surprised in the morning). Most nights, though, he's snoring away within 5 minutes. I get up and go about my evening business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 This describes my dh and me as well, only he is usually ready to go to bed by 9! He has started to help in the evenings. If I'm really needing alone time, I get the girls to bed at 8 and take a long bubble bath. He takes care of getting the boys to bed. He has also learned that some nights he needs to watch what I want to watch on TV. :) I have a laptop so sometimes I'll bring it into bed with us that way I can check email and stuff while he watches TV. For dh, it is all about me being nearby. I have a book of crossword puzzles that I'll do in bed or read. I've learned that this is a need for him and it has also helped us be closer too. He's learned that he needs to help out in the evenings so I don't have to stay up until 10 or 11 to get everything done. Maybe you could reschedule some of your evening. Your kids are also big enough to help a little bit. Could you do some of your TV watching on the weekends instead of weeknights? Or maybe put a TV in your bedroom that way you can watch after he's asleep. My dh falls asleep right away. If I get up, he will usually wake up. But if I just watch TV there, he sleeps fine. We've worked it out pretty well I think. He's learned not to expect me in bed at 9 every night but I'm in bed earlier than I used to be and some nights it is 9. It is nice to get some extra sleep sometimes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I'd resent it. It would feel to much like putting a toddler to bed. You have different sleep-wake patterns. Asking me to either put him to bed or alter my free time to accomodate his need would annoy me to no end. I would make an attempt to go to bed earlier occasionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I'm a night owl. My hubby and I went through this quite a while back. Our compromise was him helping me in the evenings, we do something together like fold laundry and watch tv and we go to bed together. He goes to sleep while I read in bed until I'm ready to go to sleep. We started getting up early to work out together so I'm pretty tired by 11 or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 I used to hate going to bed early (both Dh and I are night owls, 2 am is an awesome time) but Dd started getting up at 5 for school and Dh has to drive her. I feel too guilty sleeping in and get up to walk one dog (while he walks the other) and spend the time in the morning with them. It knocked off our whole sleep pattern, but we did it as a family so it's not as bad. NOW I love that early morning time after they leave at 6:30. I get until @ 8 to myself. (Don't get me wrong, if you gave us the opportunity to go back to night owls we'd ALL jump at the chance.) And both Dh and I try to go to bed together. We've always loved snuggling in bed and watching our favorite shows, or the news. It's OUR time, and with all the kids taking us away from eachother, I need that time touching him and snuggling up to reconnect me. It's been the best thing for our relationship. It was MUCH easier to go our seperate ways before I started making the effort. Even if I'm writing while he's watching football, our feet are touching and he's got his arm around me. It's sweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 Well, we've always gone to bed at the same time. It's just something we felt was important in our early marriage and have continued. BUT, our kids are in bed by 8. AND we're not night owls. I can tell you that retiring together helps keep our bond strong. It's our time to giggle and chat and talk about our burdens or worries. Maybe you could agree to a trial run of 2 weeks and see how it goes? You might just love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. Ya know, it helps to know this isn't an issue only in our marriage!! I have had time to :chillpill: a little and examine my own heart, and think about his. I think he's genuinely coming from a place of wanting to spend time together. And when I re-read his email he really was saying that he would stay in, help with dinner and bedtime and chores, THEN when the kids are down he can head to his man-cave if he wants and I can do my thing. It would be my job to make sure I don't feel pressured to then use that time to fold laundry etc etc. Don't know if that would work. I am going to try, but I did tell him I can't guarantee every night. Sometimes there is just simply too much to do, or I have a great movie I have looked forward to. But if I do this 3x a week or something it will go a long way in showing him I care about spending time with him, and I might just get some chores done by someone else!! Thanks everyone. It sure felt good to have a little whine and get some commiseration!!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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