What do you say to condescending adults who....

[runninmommy]

quiz your children upon hearing they are home schooled?

 

In the past week I had a Youth center worker quiz my 9 year old on math problems and actually had him write down the answers. (I was not there at the time)

 

and a librarian asked my other son (6 yr. old) if he was home schooled then when he said yes, she asked him to read to her. He read her a whole book and surprised the heck out of her.

 

What do you say?

 

I would be very interested in what you would say about the Youth Center worker. I'm in mamma bear mode and just ticked. I don't go around quizzing other people's children. :glare:

[Sue G in PA]

If I had been there w/ the Youth Worker I might have been pretty snarky and said something like "Perhaps you should have been homeschooled, too, if you need to ask a 9yo the answers to such easy math questions." I just HATE that sort of stuff. Back to school night at my ds11's ps...his homeroom teacher was just FULL of condescension b/c I homeschooled my ds11. All the teachers, when I asked how he was doing so far, answered me that he seems to be getting along nicely with his peers or something about social skills...:glare: Yeah, forgot to tell you, we lived in a bubble...no socialization. None. Grrrrrrr.....so sorry you had to go through this.

[amyco]

I wish I had a good comeback. This has only happened to me a couple times. Once, a complete stranger in the grocery checkout line asked my daughter what year Columbus discovered America. She was in 2nd grade...got it wrong...I was so shocked about this I didn't know what to say or how to react. And then there's the few family members who occasionally quiz my children, but let's not go there...

 

Now that I think about it, they are sometimes also asked what grade they are in, and the person says, "Oh you must be learning about X." It's usually math related.

 

It's almost as if I feel I have to "prove" my children are learning by being proactive about having the children tell people stuff. The truth is, these people have no idea what our children are learning, what materials we use, etc. etc. If I wanted my dc to be cookie cutter copies of ps children, I'd send them to ps! Plus, what are these people going to do? Was that youth worker going to call CPS if your child didn't answer correctly? Now I am mad for you! Grrr.

 

Okay, deep breath. Looking forward to hearing some good answers!

[Earth Angel_79]

Ooooo, I have no good answers or quips, but really the gall of some people! Grrrr.....

[Hillary in KS]

LOL! Do you see the Youth Center worker regularly? Maybe your ds could write a quiz for her? :)

 

I wouldn't mind to much about the librarian. Ours likes to listen to kids read. But then if you knew it was out of character for yours, then maybe I might just thank her for listening to him or something.

 

I think a lot of people are just curious, and they don't always have common ground to talk about with kids except for school. So I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. :)

[elizabeth]

It happens all the time . It makes my skin crawl. However, after trying many different tactics and speaking with dd about her thoughts on sharing said information we created a new approach. It might not be the answer for any other family but we have found it is empowering, positive and sheds a great deal of misunderstanding about home education. The minute someone begins the interrogation ,dd beams her widest , brightest smile and shares as much as possible about Latin, her creative writing program, the topic we are covering in history, her favorite book, the process of off loom bead-weaving etc. ad infinitum. Their uninformed ,"play gotcha " with dd has not only come to an end but they are truly wishing they had minded their own business in the first place. It is stunning to me that people who are most likely to interrogate dd are not even interested in hearing an honest answer rather they are seeking confirmation of their own bias. When they do not hear a mumbled nonsense response and instead get a litany it surely is a form of hoisting them on their own petards. I am truly appalled that people feel the "right " to analyze and question dd. The equivalent behaviour from a home educating family would be a derisive comment along the lines of ,'Why don't you homeschool ?" with a tone of voice indicating my disapproval. It continues to happen occasionally . I find it particularly cruel when people do this to a shy or young child. It speaks volumes about their education and more particularly , their lack of manners. In the age of information readily available through voluntary means, including blogs, facebook , myspace it appears that the privacy that used to be afforded to people has diminished even more. I am not saying that these things cause people to invade privacy with unsolicited opinion but it provides a mileu in which respecting the privacy and choices of others seems quaint. I vote for "quaint" particularly in the area of treating other people and their families with old fashioned respect for their privacy regardless of my thoughts on their dress, morals, lifestyle etc. I assume that if they are interested in my opinion they will ask for it and otherwise I leave well enough alone.

[Guest Katia]

First of all; this is going to happen. You need to prepare your children. Now. And practice, practice, practice until they have it down-pat and second nature.

 

You tell your children to smile politely at anyone asking them school questions (quizzing them) and they say lightheartedly, "I don't do school work after school hours" or "I don't do school on Sunday". And then have them skip merrily away from the person asking....or turn away and start happily playing by themselves or talk to someone else.

 

This does work. And it's very effective in nicely putting said 'quizzer' in their place.

 

But your child needs to know that no matter what place of authority in their lives the quizzer holds, and no matter what other rules of the quizzer that they have to follow.....when it comes to asking them 'school' questions; they are not, under any circumstances, to give ANY answers. At.All.

 

If quizzer persists or says things like, "So you really don't know" or "You'd better answer me!", child says to them, "You need to talk to my parents about this". They are to say NOTHING more.

 

Practice makes perfect. My kids learned to do this, especially on Sundays at church as every SS teacher would give it a whirl at some point in time. Most of the time I'd just hear about it from my dc (:D), but sometimes the person that asked dc would come to me and say....."I asked dc about math facts and they wouldn't answer me". So that would give me the opportunity to say nicely, "And why would you need to know that?"

 

It makes them squirm.

 

As for the OP who had an adult quiz the dc and write down the answers....I'd be in their face and let them know under NO circumstances would that be happening again and what authority did they have to require this of my dc....and then I'd make sure they apologized to my dc and I'd be standing right there....and if they wouldn't I'd be asking for that person to be removed from his job.

[Ibbygirl]

Wow!! That's never happened to me. I guess where I live people would have to actually hang up the phone and find their way out of their own self absorption in order to ask my dd a question so why even bother. :D :rolleyes:

 

I can't believe the nerve of that guy. I like the idea of having your ds quiz him back. hehehe :p

[Audrey]

quiz your children upon hearing they are home schooled?

 

In the past week I had a Youth center worker quiz my 9 year old on math problems and actually had him write down the answers. (I was not there at the time)

 

and a librarian asked my other son (6 yr. old) if he was home schooled then when he said yes, she asked him to read to her. He read her a whole book and surprised the heck out of her.

 

What do you say?

 

I would be very interested in what you would say about the Youth Center worker. I'm in mamma bear mode and just ticked. I don't go around quizzing other people's children. :glare:

 

 

Well, it only happened to me once. When ds was about 7 (or maybe 8) we had a random encounter in town with the doctor (who we DO NOT go to anymore). We were at the grocery store during the school day, ran into the doc and ds said hello. The doc turned around and asked why he wasn't in school, then said "oh yeah, you're homeschooled aren't you?" Ds nodded, and the doc started grilling him on some math facts. Ds answered maybe 2 questions then asked the doc, "don't you know the answers?"

 

I shot the doc a glare that would have killed the population of a small country and said, "No, he doesn't honey. He was public schooled."

[Melissa in Australia]

I know someone, who plans on homeschooling his toddlers, that works in a big supermarket. he drills school kids in the attempt to show up that school are failing. I am very careful NOT to go into that supermarket any more. I don't want to have my kids drilled, even though they are home schooled.

[creekland]

I smile when mine answer the questions and mess up the quizzer's bias... I figure it's one less 'stereotype' being strengthened.

 

My kids seem to enjoy it too... esp when they KNOW the quizzer was expecting them to get answers wrong.

 

Many, many times they've gotten 'earned' respect and are now seen with a high regard by the quizzer. Some have even changed their mind about homeschooling in general. I love it when we can bust a stereotype...

[Stacie]

quiz your children upon hearing they are home schooled?

 

In the past week I had a Youth center worker quiz my 9 year old on math problems and actually had him write down the answers. (I was not there at the time)

 

and a librarian asked my other son (6 yr. old) if he was home schooled then when he said yes, she asked him to read to her. He read her a whole book and surprised the heck out of her.

 

What do you say?

 

I would be very interested in what you would say about the Youth Center worker. I'm in mamma bear mode and just ticked. I don't go around quizzing other people's children. :glare:

 

 

I taught my kids to begin by asking the quizzer if her prefers the answer in Latin, Spanish, or English. Usually the stammering is enough to give us time to get away smiling.

 

Now, on the other hand, I take it in the context in which it's asked. For example, when my nephew tells me about something he's learning at his school, I'll ask him about it. Sometimes it's specific like when he tells me he learned his multiplication facts to twelve I will ask him a few to give him an ego boost. I always act astonished that he's so smart!

 

If my kids are telling something they've learned and an adult asks them about it I don't get offended. However, if the adult quizzes based on the fact my sons are taught at home they get the Latin, Spanish, or English answer and a quick getaway!

Edited August 27, 2009 by Stacie

[Mad Jenny Flint]

Unless his/her job is tutoring your child at the center, I would address this person directly on my next encounter with him/her, telling him the purpose of my child's attendance at the center and re-defining his/her job requirements to him/her.

 

This can be done in a friendly and casual way, by the way, and that is the style I normally use in these circumstances currently. When my kids were younger I was a bit more bullish.

[Blueridge]

I recently failed a quiz myself. :tongue_smilie: I went into our tiny post office and told the lady that I needed a money order for $200. Then I asked her, "How much are money orders, anyway?" She said, "Two oh one"...and I was thinking that I needed to pay $2.01 for the paper money order in addition to the $200, kwim? So I placed $2.01 on the counter while I was digging for my $200.00, and she said (rather impatiently) "No no, I *said* TWO. HUNDRED. ONE. DOLLARS." :glare: Her next comment pushed me over the cliff, when she said, "You homeschool, don't you?" I guess I failed the quiz. :001_huh:

[Night Elf]

I would be very interested in what you would say about the Youth Center worker. I'm in mamma bear mode and just ticked. I don't go around quizzing other people's children. :glare:

 

I would say exactly what you said here. Tell him that your decision to homeschool should not be questioned, and most especially not ask the child to perform to prove academic smarts. If he has any homeschool questions he should address them to you directly. Definitely tell him that what he did was highly inappropriate and made your son extremely uncomfortable and that you found it very intrusive. If you don't say something, he might feel he can do that anytime. It's just plain wrong.

[DawnM]

I would have said, "I don't have any "Os" in my pocket....I only have NUMBERED bills!

 

That drives me batty!

 

Dawn

 

I recently failed a quiz myself. :tongue_smilie: I went into our tiny post office and told the lady that I needed a money order for $200. Then I asked her, "How much are money orders, anyway?" She said, "Two oh one"...and I was thinking that I needed to pay $2.01 for the paper money order in addition to the $200, kwim? So I placed $2.01 on the counter while I was digging for my $200.00, and she said (rather impatiently) "No no, I *said* TWO. HUNDRED. ONE. DOLLARS." :glare: Her next comment pushed me over the cliff, when she said, "You homeschool, don't you?" I guess I failed the quiz. :001_huh:

[DawnM]

Well, I need to train my kids then....I haven't had this happen and I would be mad as anything if it did happen.

 

I have one son who is Aspie and believe me, he would know even less if he had to go to school. Certain things he knows more than anyone wants to hear about.....other things (like Historical years, etc...) he doesn't care to know much about.

 

Personally, if I were there, I would start quizzing the adult about the fall of Imperializm in the non-Western world and see how he/she liked it.

 

I have NO patience for this sort of stuff.

 

Dawn

[Guest kacifl]

To the person questioning my children..."Name the first five presidents of the US? What is the square root of 80"... Who really discovered America"...

[Remudamom]

Depends on my mood. Sometimes I'd just tell the offender to back off.

[OnTheBrink]

OH, I hate it when that happens! I have an EXBIL (dd's uncle) who does this kind of thing to dd. I tell her to respond to him with the "I don't do schoolwork on weekends" response. So far, it's worked with him.

 

As for the youth worker, I'd be fuming. I'd take in a copy of a Latin, science and world history test and see how he does. I'd probably throw a logic test in the mix, too.

 

The NERVE!

[sadiegirl]

This has happened to me on a few occasions by family and people outside of the family. I think people feel like it is acceptable to ask kids questions on the spot but I have a boy that doesn't handle the out of the blue questions so well! It's embarrassing for both of us as we talk later and we both know he is capable of answering the questions. How many adults can handle questions about math, history, vocabulary?(This is why Smarter than a 5th grader is such a funny show to watch!!)

I remind myself that these people are usually the same people that when you are pregnant that they feel the right to come up and pat your stomach and rub all over it like it is a puppy waiting to be rubbed!?!?

There are all kinds out there!

[Ferdie]

It happens all the time . It makes my skin crawl. However, after trying many different tactics and speaking with dd about her thoughts on sharing said information we created a new approach. It might not be the answer for any other family but we have found it is empowering, positive and sheds a great deal of misunderstanding about home education. The minute someone begins the interrogation ,dd beams her widest , brightest smile and shares as much as possible about Latin, her creative writing program, the topic we are covering in history, her favorite book, the process of off loom bead-weaving etc. ad infinitum. Their uninformed ,"play gotcha " with dd has not only come to an end but they are truly wishing they had minded their own business in the first place. It is stunning to me that people who are most likely to interrogate dd are not even interested in hearing an honest answer rather they are seeking confirmation of their own bias. When they do not hear a mumbled nonsense response and instead get a litany it surely is a form of hoisting them on their own petards. I am truly appalled that people feel the "right " to analyze and question dd. The equivalent behaviour from a home educating family would be a derisive comment along the lines of ,'Why don't you homeschool ?" with a tone of voice indicating my disapproval. It continues to happen occasionally . I find it particularly cruel when people do this to a shy or young child. It speaks volumes about their education and more particularly , their lack of manners. In the age of information readily available through voluntary means, including blogs, facebook , myspace it appears that the privacy that used to be afforded to people has diminished even more. I am not saying that these things cause people to invade privacy with unsolicited opinion but it provides a mileu in which respecting the privacy and choices of others seems quaint. I vote for "quaint" particularly in the area of treating other people and their families with old fashioned respect for their privacy regardless of my thoughts on their dress, morals, lifestyle etc. I assume that if they are interested in my opinion they will ask for it and otherwise I leave well enough alone.

 

Brilliant!

[Tess in the Burbs]

I had this problem when my son was only 4 and learning to read! our teacher friends quizzed him relentlessly and my dh and I didn't know how to react.

 

I simply say, now isn't school time and if you want it to be, make sure everyone gets quizzed.

 

it worked. good luck. totally know how you feel right now!

[runninmommy]

Thank you so much for your kind responses this far. I am still so mad this morning.

 

I posted some thoughts on my blog just to get it off my chest. I doubt it will make a difference with anyone but I had to get my thoughts out.

 

The YC worker is there on/off. I don't know if it was just temporary or what. I do plan on speaking with the director, I just don't know what I am going to say yet.

 

 

Here is what I said on my blog;

 

May I get something off my chest?

 

Homeschooling my children is a personal family decision that was not taken lightly. It is a decision we made because it is the right thing for our family and children. I do not think homeschooling is a good choice for all families.

 

Our family is not in competition with public or private school children or even other home school children. We do not think we are better than others because of our choice to home school. I would not be condescending or rude to other families who chose to send their kids to public or private school.

 

There seems to be quite a few people who assume that home school families really don't do anything. These same people make inaccurate assumptions and feel the need to quiz home school children and ask them questions based on what they think that child should know. This in intrusive, insulting, offensive and singles out the child making them feel less than.

 

There are so many different methods and curricula that homeschoolers use. Most of the time it is completely different that what public schools use. Maybe your fourth grader is studying The Civil War so you think that all fourth graders should know everything about The Civil War. So, of course, if my fourth grader (who is home schooled) is not studying the The Civil War and does not answer your question right, he must not be getting a proper education.

 

I can not tell you how inaccurate and frustrating this is. It would be the same thing as me asking a public schooled child if they know the Latin Declensions, The first Sumerian Dictator, the components of formal logic, or how to apply the Pythagorean Theorem all while raising my eyebrows and thinking they are not educated if they can not answer. Maybe they know these things, maybe not. What an uncomfortable situation for a child to be in.

 

The point is that when others go out of their way to single out a child and ask them questions like this it is really just a person who is not properly informed on home schooling trying to prove their bias. It is rude and hurtful to the child.

 

Most home school moms I know would be happy to talk about their curriculum, method, and lessons. If you are curious, just ask her. You would be surprised what you may learn and how your perception may change.

[CalicoKat]

considering teaching mine to say, "Sorry, but I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. If you continue pestering me I will yell for help." :lol: Or something to that effect.

[Perry]

It's not just homeschoolers. My kids were asked these kinds of questions when they were in ps.

 

My son was once cornered by a coworker of dh. She asked what grade he was in (2nd) and then said, "Oh, you must be learning multiplication! What's 7 times 8?" My son, who is not strong in math (that's an understatement), started to mumble something. I quickly said "You don't have to answer that," and I sent him to play with his sisters. I told her that he doesn't like to be put on the spot like that. She then told me that most kids like to show off their knowledge. I aked her how she thought they felt if they didn't know the answer. She's never quizzed them again.

 

She's a Family Practice doctor. I hope she learned something that day and doesn't grill her little patients.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

I recently failed a quiz myself. :tongue_smilie: I went into our tiny post office and told the lady that I needed a money order for $200. Then I asked her, "How much are money orders, anyway?" She said, "Two oh one"...and I was thinking that I needed to pay $2.01 for the paper money order in addition to the $200, kwim? So I placed $2.01 on the counter while I was digging for my $200.00, and she said (rather impatiently) "No no, I *said* TWO. HUNDRED. ONE. DOLLARS." :glare: Her next comment pushed me over the cliff, when she said, "You homeschool, don't you?" I guess I failed the quiz. :001_huh:

 

 

I don't get this lady. She didn't answer your question, just gave you a total and she's attributing your assumption that her response was an answer to your simple question to you being a home schooling parent? Hmm .. this is tricky but I'm not sure this should be offensive. My husband accuses me of taking things too literally but really ... be proud that your logical reasoning (and English ... and Math) skills were attributed home schooling :D

 

I wouldn't have been able to walk away from that without clarifying and correcting her.

[Scuff]

I recently failed a quiz myself. :tongue_smilie: I went into our tiny post office and told the lady that I needed a money order for $200. Then I asked her, "How much are money orders, anyway?" She said, "Two oh one"...and I was thinking that I needed to pay $2.01 for the paper money order in addition to the $200, kwim? So I placed $2.01 on the counter while I was digging for my $200.00, and she said (rather impatiently) "No no, I *said* TWO. HUNDRED. ONE. DOLLARS." :glare: Her next comment pushed me over the cliff, when she said, "You homeschool, don't you?" I guess I failed the quiz. :001_huh:

 

No, she failed the test :) She didn't answer the question you asked.

[Moni]

What do you say to condescending adults who quiz your children upon hearing they are home schooled?

 

To the Adult? Nothing

 

To the children? "Don't answer her question."

 

If the adult persists, then I address the adult.

"Don't quiz my daughter."

 

Easy. ;)

 

If they were just going to give the child a Positive Affirmation, they will still give the freebie affirmation without the quizzing.

 

If they are just being Bad Manners, they can do that elsewhere. ;)

If they think they are just being cute, they can be cute elsewhere.

If they think they are carrying on appropriate dialogue with a homeschooler, they can do that elsewhere :lol:

 

It's just not something we participate in, as a parenting policy.

And it's okay to state this too.

Maintain eye contact, smile, and state 'Oh, we don't have our children respond to oral quizzing; it's just a Parenting Policy"

Keep smiling, maintain the eye contact, first one to look away loses. *wink

 

 

Easy. ;)

:seeya:

 

P.S.

Read this after posting

when it comes to asking them 'school' questions; they are not, under any circumstances, to give ANY answers. At.All.

 

Exactly. Train them from when they are pre-K and it's just standard operating procedure.

Edited August 27, 2009 by Moni

[i.love.lucy]

I have to chime in here.

 

My kids, especially my dd, are painfully, exasperatingly shy. I makes me crazy, really, because they are not like me at all. We work on responding when spoken to, and how it might be sort of cute for a 5 year old to not respond, but when you are 9 - not so much. But the reality is that I can not change them. I can not (and will not) punish them into being different little people than who they are.

 

My daughter would absolutely panic and then freeze if put on the spot about math facts! I'm not kidding when I say it would be painful to watch her squirm and not know what to do. The anxiety of the situation is what would make her blank on the answer!! She has trouble if she's asked something simple like "do you like swimming?" by a stranger. Not only that, but she has a stutter, which is even more pronounced when she's put on the spot.

 

It seems blatantly obvious to me when people are trying to talk to my kids that most of the time these folks are just being friendly and that my kids are very, very shy. SO WHY DO THEY KEEP ON? If I try to strike up a conversation with one of my dd friends, I usually regret it because I can't shut them up. But it's so clear with a shy child, so why can't people just leave them alone?

 

I wish so bad that I could teach my kids a snappy comeback, but they can't formulate the sentence "nice to meet you too" much less anything witty. I wish so badly that I could help them be funny, witty, able to banter and converse. I don't know how to do it and it really worries me because I know the world likes and rewards extroverted people.

 

I am hoping homeschooling helps with this problem.

[novagirl]

First of all; this is going to happen. You need to prepare your children. Now. And practice, practice, practice until they have it down-pat and second nature.

 

You tell your children to smile politely at anyone asking them school questions (quizzing them) and they say lightheartedly, "I don't do school work after school hours" or "I don't do school on Sunday". And then have them skip merrily away from the person asking....or turn away and start happily playing by themselves or talk to someone else.

 

This does work. And it's very effective in nicely putting said 'quizzer' in their place.

 

But your child needs to know that no matter what place of authority in their lives the quizzer holds, and no matter what other rules of the quizzer that they have to follow.....when it comes to asking them 'school' questions; they are not, under any circumstances, to give ANY answers. At.All.

 

If quizzer persists or says things like, "So you really don't know" or "You'd better answer me!", child says to them, "You need to talk to my parents about this". They are to say NOTHING more.

 

Practice makes perfect. My kids learned to do this, especially on Sundays at church as every SS teacher would give it a whirl at some point in time. Most of the time I'd just hear about it from my dc (:D), but sometimes the person that asked dc would come to me and say....."I asked dc about math facts and they wouldn't answer me". So that would give me the opportunity to say nicely, "And why would you need to know that?"

 

It makes them squirm.

 

 

Oh this is GOOD thank you. I my SIL who is a middle school teacher and is constantly complaining about how poorlly educated the children are who come into her classroom has the nerve to quiz my 5 year old. I have had NO IDEA on what to do so far. My daughter does not understand she is being quizzed right now though. Can you believe SIL is alread started asking her subtracting questions when the girl was 4 or 5?? I was mad, but because "I" didn't want to be rude, I kept my mouth shut.

[Tammyla]

"No pop-quizzes!"

or

"Hey...If you want to home school, get your own kid.":001_smile:

[Dirtroad]

I haven't had anyone quiz my kids... but I have heard of someone admitting to have done this to a first grader. They were shocked the kid didn't know what a vowell was.... so they decided homeschooling was bad & kids were not getting an education.

 

Better believe I proved her wrong & gently as I could (and of all things using my scrapbook at a crop!).

 

But can you imagine that poor child with an adult looming over them sneering or snarling "what is a vowell?" Kid probably wants to run for their life.

 

I decided that when this happens to us, I will be prepared to ask that person how often do they quiz public or private school children? How are those results?

[Moxie]

I have never had this happen but I do have adults ask my kids if they like being homeschooled. I would probably just say, "Please don't quiz my children".

[Julie in CA]

It seems blatantly obvious to me when people are trying to talk to my kids that most of the time these folks are just being friendly and that my kids are very, very shy. SO WHY DO THEY KEEP ON?

Why do they keep on?

Probably because for a lot of shy children, they really need a bit more time to formulate a response, or to get used to the idea of talking to someone. For some shy children, they would not answer when spoken to, and then be sorry 5 minutes later that they hadn't taken the plunge and interacted with someone. I have a shy child, but I encourage her (not punish her into being someone other than who she is :confused:) to try and interact politely in social situations as much as she can. Truthfully, I'm glad when someone doesn't give up on her after that first moment, and gives her a bit more time to respond with conversation. It gives her a chance (if she wants it) to develop and practice a much-needed skill.

 

I guess it could be seen as a negative too, but I really look at it as a positive, and an opportunity for my dd to grow in ways that I cannot provide at home.

 

(Just another perspective :001_smile:)

[joannqn]

This hasn't happened to us but if anyone made the mistake of asking my ds about math facts, they'd get an earful. He loves math and would quickly steer the conversation to long division, factions, or binary (or some other base) whether they were interested or not. I'd have to rescue the quizzer.

[coralloyd]

We were at a BBQ and I had a lady, I hardly know, quiz my 5 yr. old. She asked her if she was in school yet. Dd said no. Then she asked what school her sister went to. Dd said her sister doesn't go to school either. The lady asked why not. Dd said "Because, my mommy doesn't want her to. We're hsed." This lady then said "Oh." She proceeded then to hold up the box lid to the puzzle dd was working on, and asked her to read it. Dd read "Learning Lessons A to Z", without struggle.

I only know that this happened because the lady came to me after the fact, and related the story. She then then hung her head and said " I guess she is smart (:001_huh::confused::mad:). I'm amazed, she didn't even have to sound it out." I should have said, "No, not smart, just hsed." Instead I said, "Yes, she loves to read." and walked away. I am going to use some of the suggestions given here. I really need to prepare my dc more for things like this. The nerve of some people!

[Irene Lynn]

I would probably get right to the point. I'd walk up to the person and ask them in as polite a tone as possible, what was had the intent been when s/he had been quizzing your child?

 

First of all, I like this, because it has a bit of the same feel about it. It is a sort of quizzing.

 

Second, the response would determine what my next step would be. Some people do things without thinking. I'd let the person know that suddenly quizzing anyone of any age, unless it is a funny type of situation, is rude and makes the other person feel uncomfortable, expecially when an older person of authority asks the question. If the person was trying to learn more about your child in a friendly way, then asking something like, "Oh, what are you learning about right now that you enjoy?" is a much more inviting way to engage someone and truly find out about them in a more caring way.

 

Third, if the response was not so good, then they would hear a bit more from me about appropriateness. I would also ask if they were equally concerned about all children's education and what they were doing about it.

 

Fourth, I have learned that a laugh goes a long way. If you show no fear, but rather a slight amusement, it is really hard for the other person to bluster or get on a high horse.

[FlockOfSillies]

Money orders cost $201?! Even if I'm only sending $50? Wow, things have gotten really expensive, haven't they? (And cashiers are getting dumber and more arrogant than ever, too.) ;-)

[orangearrow]

It happens less and less now that my kids are getting older. Thank Goodness. Because it used to drive me insane!!!

[AndyJoy]

I'm considering saying this with a giant smile if I'm ever in that situation:

 

"I'm sorry, he is not a trained monkey, but if you offer him a banana maybe he will do a trick for you!"

 

Too snarky?:D I usually use sarcasm or humor to turn around awkward situations--I feel less awkward, and they feel more awkward!

[Moni]

I love it when we can bust a stereotype...

 

I prefer to perpetuate it. :lol:

 

Or to at least maintain the mystery ;)

 

:seeya:

[Julie in CA]

It doesn't bother me at all when people ask my dc questions. They will either answer correctly, answer incorrectly, not answer at all, or steer the conversation in another direction. Either way, it's ok with me. The people who matter to my family know that my kids are a-ok. The other folks who may ask? Who cares!

 

Part of what may give me a different perspective on this is that I'm noticing that many of the responses here are from families with younger children, who may feel defensive, or that they have something to prove, or who may feel that they are representing homeschooling as a whole, and are uncomfortable with that role. I've very comfortable with where we are as a homeschooling family. Two of my dc have now gone on to slide right into college as high school sophomores, and are succeeding. I don't so much care what other people think about where my dc are in their academics, and never really did care what *the people who quiz kids* think.

 

I realize that some people are very uncomfortable with their kids being quizzed, and I'm sorry you and your dc have been subjected to that nonsense. Whatever happened to manners? :confused: The people who do that clearly went to public school, eh? :tongue_smilie:

[Joanne]

What do you say?

 

I say "knock it off".

[Impish]

Wolf has a great answer, and its used constantly when MIL quizzes or tries to get the children to perform certain behaviour (it started when Tazzie was 6 mths old, and MIL was in hysterics, complete with foot stomping and almost tears when he wouldn't a) look at her while she was taking a pic and b) wouldn't smile on command)

 

"Our children are NOT trained seals."

[AndyJoy]

I say "knock it off".

 

I like your style, Joanne. :) Your posts make me think we'd be good friends irl as you're very no-nonsense, which makes my Top 5 list of qualities to look for in a friend!

[runninmommy]

I

 

Part of what may give me a different perspective on this is that I'm noticing that many of the responses here are from families with younger children, who may feel defensive, or that they have something to prove, or who may feel that they are representing homeschooling as a whole, and are uncomfortable with that role. I've very comfortable with where we are as a homeschooling family. Two of my dc have now gone on to slide right into college as high school sophomores, and are succeeding. I don't so much care what other people think about where my dc are in their academics, and never really did care what *the people who quiz kids* think.

 

 

 

The reason is bothers me is because it offended my son. He thought it was rude. He was uncomfortable. He was at the YC under this persons authority and supervision. Even though he answered the questions correctly he felt put on the spot and made to feel stupid.

 

I don't expect my children to be perfect. Just that people would have some manners and boundaries.

[AuntPol]

I don't think this is really a thing geared to terrorize homeschoolers and prove that they are not so smart. Most people I know are really uncomfortable around children but sometimes feel like they should engage in conversation and school/basic knowledge is the easiest way to find common ground.

 

Personally, we don't ever get quizzed. Occasionally, someone will engage in a conversation about a book that one of them is reading or ask what grade my son is in when they see such a young kid doing such advanced math. I think the closest we have though is some of the middle school and high school kids who work with DS's work group like to show him how to do stuff they are learning and may ask something or when they are taking a class and the instructor asks questions to the students. My kids are more likely to ask an adult "Did you know........" -not to show off but simply because they find it interesting.

 

Anyway, I don't think it would bother me because I am confident in my kids ability to answer politely and correctly and move on to a more engaging conversation.

[Brooke3193]

I have gone through varied levels of acceptance of homeschoolers. I am trying to think back to my different POVs.

 

When I thought hsers were all unqualified to teach their kids, I wouldn't have asked such quiz questions because I "knew" that they didn't know the answer anyway.

 

Then, I doubted that hsing was a *good* idea but saw that some "normal" people do indeed hs. This was the stage at which I am probably guilty of asking quiz questions. I wasn't testing the kids expecting wrong answers. It was more like I was exploring their world....trying to understand it. I'm not sure I was conciously trying to understand it. But, I do think that somewhere inside me I believed that if these normal people were hsing, then I must have been wrong back in stage 1 and that I asked these questions as a way to begin to understand their community....as a way to reframe the hs idea in my mind.

 

Then, I thought that hsing was a great idea and was a wannabe. I wanted to ask kids questions and I wanted them to get them right. I wanted to be amazed at what hsing could do and was pretty sure that quizzing them would prove to me that hs is often at least as good as ps. But, I knew enough hsers well enough to know that it would not be appreciated so I didn't ask.

 

Now I am a hser. I don't have any interest in quizzing kids. I have a good enough grip on what hs is about that it just never even occurs to me. Quizzing a kid now would be feigning interest. But, I might find myself asking another mom about curriculum or activities.

 

Just my perspective. Any questions I would have EVER asked would not have been out of spite. But, that just me.

[freeindeed]

First of all; this is going to happen. You need to prepare your children. Now. And practice, practice, practice until they have it down-pat and second nature.

 

You tell your children to smile politely at anyone asking them school questions (quizzing them) and they say lightheartedly, "I don't do school work after school hours" or "I don't do school on Sunday". And then have them skip merrily away from the person asking....or turn away and start happily playing by themselves or talk to someone else.

 

This does work. And it's very effective in nicely putting said 'quizzer' in their place.

 

But your child needs to know that no matter what place of authority in their lives the quizzer holds, and no matter what other rules of the quizzer that they have to follow.....when it comes to asking them 'school' questions; they are not, under any circumstances, to give ANY answers. At.All.

 

If quizzer persists or says things like, "So you really don't know" or "You'd better answer me!", child says to them, "You need to talk to my parents about this". They are to say NOTHING more.

 

Practice makes perfect. My kids learned to do this, especially on Sundays at church as every SS teacher would give it a whirl at some point in time. Most of the time I'd just hear about it from my dc (:D), but sometimes the person that asked dc would come to me and say....."I asked dc about math facts and they wouldn't answer me". So that would give me the opportunity to say nicely, "And why would you need to know that?"

 

It makes them squirm.

 

As for the OP who had an adult quiz the dc and write down the answers....I'd be in their face and let them know under NO circumstances would that be happening again and what authority did they have to require this of my dc....and then I'd make sure they apologized to my dc and I'd be standing right there....and if they wouldn't I'd be asking for that person to be removed from his job.

 

:hurray: That's a great way of handling things. I know what to do from now on when this happens. Love it!:D