do you think drinking in front of your kids

[Denisemomof4]

or having alcohol in the house is a bad influence on your kids? Do you think it makes them want to drink more?

 

We're a Christian family that left the legalistic (oppressive to us) lifestyle behind. I grew up in a nonreligious family and my father drank a lot socially (weekends when with friends) and mom had a few drinks here and there. I partied a lot as a kid but was in my upper school years in the 70's in CA - hippy era and "freedom" and all that stuff. I started to drink sometime in high school.

 

My husband grew up in a home where wine was served at the table and he could have some at an early age. He's 100% Lithuanian. He never drank much when we met but we do enjoy a good bottle of wine, summer drinks, beer when doing a lot of physical work.

 

My kids "want a sip" and I often wonder if we're being bad role models. I go back and forth on this, especially with teens in the house.

 

Opinions?

[Jugglin'5]

We allow our kids to have the occasional sip of our drink, and even their own small cup of wine on special occasions. I firmly believe that learning to drink responsibly with your parents will in large part ward off the binge drinking common to teenagers who have never had a drink until they leave home and go to college (this was my personal experience). We are a very conservative Christian family, and my dh is an elder in our church. :tongue_smilie: Also, our church uses real wine in communion, and children participate.

[Impish]

I don't have a problem having a drink now and then with the kids present, and Wolf has beer. I DON'T drink around the kids as a general rule though...not because I'm worried about setting a bad example, but because if I'm going to have a rare drink, I'd like to enjoy it without hearing, "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!" 18x a minute :tongue_smilie::lol:

Edited August 13, 2009 by Impish

[Carol in Cal.]

I have a close friend with an alcoholic mom whose position on alcohol is none in the house and none before 21. She has two addicted kids, and she is one of the best moms I know. I'm not sure what to think of that--either she protected them and they got addicted later because of it, or she overprotected them and they were more tempted because of it.

 

In my family of origin, social drinking was just that. I never saw anyone get drunk. A glass of wine with dinner, maybe a half size before dinner drink--that was pretty normal. Sip, sip, sip.

 

We were allowed to dip our fingers in drinks when we were very young, and to have a sip when we were older. I don't recall when we started to get little tiny glasses of wine on a full stomach after dinner, but I think it was when I was in high school or so. I didn't think of alcohol as all that exotic, and I don't drink very often at all--far less than my parents did. I'm not against it, but it just doesn't come up that often.

 

In our family, DD is not to have any alcohol at all, not even a taste, until she is confirmed and has had Holy Communion. She will be almost 14 at that point. I don't know what we will do after that, but I am inclined to let her have just a little without making too much out of it, now and then. I don't want it to seem too much like a forbidden thrill. But she has much more explicit instruction in how to avoid being in cars with people who have drunk anything than I ever did. From a practical standpoint, she will be far better equipped with the real issues that actually endanger kids more than their own drinking itself is likely to do. We have talked about drug abuse for years as well. She knows a lot about that, too.

 

I always come at this from the perspective of "Be not drunk with wine...but be filled with the Holy Spirit" i.e., if you're drunk or high you're crowding out the guidance of the Holy Spirit and that is never OK.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I'm not much of a drinker (health reasons), but dh will have a beer a couple times a week. I'll have a glass of wine a couple times a year (not counting the Precious Blood at Mass.) We don't hide it, but we also emphasize that it is for adults and that it is unhealthy/unwise/inappropriate to over imbibe. My kids have seen the results of it (family members boasting about their drunken exploits) and they know that we will leave when gatherings get too focused on alcohol. My kids have tasted wine, but they don't really like it.

[patchfire]

We aren't big drinkers. At all. Still, we occasionally will get some alcohol, or if we have friends over, about 30% of the time the adults will each have a drink or two. The kids know that these are adult drinks. Ds is just told you have to be 21. Dd already noticed the discrepancy between drinking and voting. (At age 9. Help!)

 

I feel like this is actually better than never seeing adults drink. I still don't know what a "balance" is, because I saw my completely non-drinking parents, and I heard about drunks. No middle ground, yk? Now, my parents had good reason not to drink. Three of my four grandparents were alcoholics. So I feel like I have an even larger responsibility to model drinking in moderation to my kids, since there's familial history. I feel like I dodged a bullet, sometimes, wtr to alcoholism.

[Mommyof4ks]

My father drank alot when I was a kid (not an angry drunk but he drank alot). It has not made me a drinker. I am 30 and only drink occasionally (like 2-3 times a year). I don't know what makes some kids drink and other not, but it is not merely a parent drinking in front of their kids at least from my experience.

[elfinbaby]

Impish - that's how I feel about my desserts!:lol: I wait until my kids go to bed to pull out the chocolate, lol.

 

Well, I think we're up a creek w/o a paddle on this one. My dh is in the wine biz so we have cases and cases of wine around here. And, yes, we do partake of them. Dh let's the kids swirl and smell, dip a finger in and taste. They are totally grossed out. No temptations there. However, our kids are 11 and younger so drinking for pleasure or people getting tipsy is not at all on their radar. My 11 has just now started asking about what "drunk" actually is.

 

Dh grew up with his family having drinks, socializing, etc. He started drinking in his teens, went down the usual "partying" road after that. My family was more of a coffee drinking and cigarettes type. I didn't really start drinking until college - I didn't want to disappoint my mom so I got far far away before I went "wild." Dh and I have begun to have discussions on how we are going to handle this and we haven't exactly come to a conclusion.

 

 

 

The best we've come up with is modeling responsibility and honest talks. I intend to teach my children what the Bible has to say about the issue of drunkeness and pray for guidance. I made plenty of mistakes that I don't want my children to repeat. Looking back, a stronger relationship with the Lord and a better understanding of His Word might have helped me make better choices. My mom and grandmother were no doubt good role models and prayed ceaselessly for me but I think (and my mom is almost guilt ridden about it) that my sister's and I would have benefitted from things like - praying together, family devotionals, keeping an on-going dialogue about what it means to be Christian, etc. not just going to church, prayer meeting, Sunday school. I don't want to paint a negative picture of my mom - she's was/is great but hindsight is 20/20 and, fortunately I am reaping the benefits of her wisdom.

 

PS - I didn't even KNOW adults got drunk until I went to a college friends house and saw his parents partying!!

Edited August 13, 2009 by elfinbaby
PS

[jewellsmommy]

We don't drink as a general rule so take that into account on my opinion:001_smile:...but we are not legalistic either.

 

I have been a youth leader/minister for many years and I can tell you that I have noticed a difference in rather or how easily a youth experiments with alcohol based on how frequently it is in their house. Youth that came from homes where there was an abundance (not suggesting that you would have an abundance), admitted to trying or all out drinking glasses full of what was there on numerous occasions. I'm sure you would notice if you don't have that much around, but these youth were confronted with that choice every time they opened the fridge/cabinet.

 

So, I guess it depends on your kids, your expectations, how prevalent and in what amounts it is kept in the house. No matter how well you raise your children sometimes they get curious, rebellious, whatever. I am inclined to think of it like dieting. It is much harder to not eat chocolate if I find it in sight all over my kitchen, if you know what I mean.

 

If you think alcohol is fine if in moderation and if treated responsibly by an adult, then you can choose to model that by being open about your responsible choices to serve in moderation, not drive, etc. However, you do run the risk of a do as I say not as I do argument with your children.

 

Our friends, some of which drink, know that we do not allow it in our home and they respect that. DH and I just find it less confusing and more tangible (does that make sense?) to take a hard line on it in our home. We do not refuse to go places where drinking occurs however, such as restaurants that serve it etc.

[Jugglin'5]

We don't drink as a general rule so take that into account on my opinion:001_smile:...but we are not legalistic either.

 

I have been a youth leader/minister for many years and I can tell you that I have noticed a difference in rather or how easily a youth experiments with alcohol based on how frequently it is in their house. Youth that came from homes where there was an abundance (not suggesting that you would have an abundance), admitted to trying or all out drinking glasses full of what was there on numerous occasions. I'm sure you would notice if you don't have that much around, but these youth were confronted with that choice every time they opened the fridge/cabinet.

 

So, I guess it depends on your kids, your expectations, how prevalent and in what amounts it is kept in the house. No matter how well you raise your children sometimes they get curious, rebellious, whatever. I am inclined to think of it like dieting. It is much harder to not eat chocolate if I find it in sight all over my kitchen, if you know what I mean.

 

If you think alcohol is fine if in moderation and if treated responsibly by an adult, then you can choose to model that by being open about your responsible choices to serve in moderation, not drive, etc. However, you do run the risk of a do as I say not as I do argument with your children.

 

Our friends, some of which drink, know that we do not allow it in our home and they respect that. DH and I just find it less confusing and more tangible (does that make sense?) to take a hard line on it in our home. We do not refuse to go places where drinking occurs however, such as restaurants that serve it etc.

 

 

This is interesting...our experience was just the opposite. DH came from strict Baptist teetotalling house, and went pretty nuts with the alcohol in college. I was raised by social drinkers (though they didn't let me drink), and while I partied some, it was short-lived and never to the same extent as DH.

[Plucky]

This is interesting...our experience was just the opposite. DH came from strict Baptist teetotalling house' date=' and went pretty nuts with the alcohol in college. I was raised by social drinkers (though they didn't let me drink), and while I partied some, it was short-lived and never to the same extent as DH.[/quote']

 

My family is full of alcoholics & dh's family considers drinking a sin. We both had our heavy drinking days when we came of age. We drink in moderation now. I wonder how much of it is just personality.

[Jugglin'5]

My family is full of alcoholics & dh's family considers drinking a sin. We both had our heavy drinking days when we came of age. We drink in moderation now. I wonder how much of it is just personality.

 

I imagine a large part!

[Plucky]

I imagine a large part!

 

Darn individual personalities anyway - they thwart my parenting at every turn. :lol:

[Loupelou]

I have to respectfully disagree with those who believe that forbidding the consumption of alcohol will lead to over imbibing as an adult. We do not drink. I was raised in a non drinking home as was dh. I never had any desire to drink. I've seen enough of its ill effects to last a lifetime. I can also understand those who come from a recreational use mind set and I am not bothered by that nor am I judging you, many of my extended family have a beer or a glass of wine at a social gathering. As to the poster who commented about her friend's alcoholic children- it is entirely possible that they inherited that tendency from their grandmother and had they never touched a drop they may have been just fine.

[Joanne]

I have a close friend with an alcoholic mom whose position on alcohol is none in the house and none before 21. She has two addicted kids, and she is one of the best moms I know. I'm not sure what to think of that--either she protected them and they got addicted later because of it, or she overprotected them and they were more tempted because of it.

 

Carol, it's genetics.

[Aggie]

I wonder how much of it is just personality.

 

I was thinking personality and immaturity.

 

How many of our parents made us drive the speed limit while we lived at home? Did we go wild and speed like crazy in college?

 

Drugs? Did our parents forbid us to get high in high school and we started using in college?

 

Did we leave everything our parents taught us at the door of the university?

 

By some of this logic, we should let our kids get rip-roaring drunk and high, and let them sleep around in high school so they won't in college.

 

I say, teach them what you believe and why. Teach them to think. When they are on their own, they'll make their own decisions.

 

jmho ;)

[Jugglin'5]

Carol, it's genetics.

 

Maybe so...I sure it is a factor BUT both my mother's parents were alcoholics, yet none of their four children are. Only one is a teetotaller (religious reasons). DH's grandfather was an alcoholic according to his mother, but none of his three children are.

[Audrey]

Personally, I don't think it's a good idea to drink (or smoke for that matter) in front of children. I do think it sets an example that may be very hard to dissuade them from later. It's kind of hard to say, "Hey kid, don't drink" when you're sucking back a gin and tonic.

 

That said, I think my view is highly influenced by the fact that my father was an alcoholic (and both parents smoked a LOT). Although my dad did get help when I was still fairly young, (and I totally understand why and how he became and alcoholic), those memories don't fade, KWIM?

[jewellsmommy]

This is interesting...our experience was just the opposite. DH came from strict Baptist teetotalling house' date=' and went pretty nuts with the alcohol in college. I was raised by social drinkers (though they didn't let me drink), and while I partied some, it was short-lived and never to the same extent as DH.[/quote']

 

I do know of what you speak and I did see a case where a youth who was held way too tight in every aspect of his life, go a little wild once out of the house.

 

I will say that we have very "inner city" kind of youth. And, unfortunately, I have seen (what I posted earlier) almost universally. I have no doubt that there were other factors at play too. There is no formula for raising children. Like I said, there is also something to be said about modeling your choices responsibly.

 

To Denisemomof4: You obviously care enough to try and make an informed and thought out decision. Regardless of what you choose, have no guilt about it.:001_smile:

[EmilyK]

Interesting thread. I'm curious about the "having it in your home" issue. I've given up drinking at home for sleep and weight control reasons (still once in a while out with husband, etc.), but my husband still drinks, never to excess. I have zero guilt about modeling social drinking.

 

That said, I do wonder about the supply of booze around the house, especially as the kids get older. We used to do a lot of entertaining, and still have house guests a lot, and so we just have a lot here. There's usually beer in the fridge, and wine in the basement. More concerning to me is that we have a fair amount of hard liquor that we rarely drink in a liquor cabinet in the dining room -- mostly remnants from a cocktail party, something special that my husband might drink with a friend, a bottle of something someone brought as a gift etc. My kids are 10 and 7 and I have no worries now, but I'm wondering at what age those of you who do drink would try to get rid of that stuff? I'm not going to get rid of stuff of my husband's without his consent, of course, but there are items that we just keep around on the "maybe a guest will want it someday" theory. And if the kids weren't involved we probably would drink it up, or pitch it eventually. But does anyone have a rule of thumb, or pitched it all when the kids were a certain age?

[Jugglin'5]

I was thinking personality and immaturity.

 

How many of our parents made us drive the speed limit while we lived at home? Did we go wild and speed like crazy in college?

 

Drugs? Did our parents forbid us to get high in high school and we started using in college?

 

Did we leave everything our parents taught us at the door of the university?

 

By some of this logic, we should let our kids get rip-roaring drunk and high, and let them sleep around in high school so they won't in college.

 

I say, teach them what you believe and why. Teach them to think. When they are on their own, they'll make their own decisions.

 

jmho ;)

 

But what if you think that social drinking is generally a good thing and that wine is a gift of God "to make glad the heart of man"? That is a different category than drug use or pre-marital sex. To me, a better analogy is not letting your child drive a car at all until college when they are not under your training anymore, and expecting them to know how to do it properly. If one expects one 's children to drink socially (which depends on church and culture they are in), it would be irresponsible to my way of thinking to not teach them pro-actively how to do so responsibly. I may be misunderstanding you, though.

[Nestof3]

Our kids see us drinking a glass of wine or such, but no, I don't think this makes them want to get drunk. As for wanting to try it, sure -- they want to try most drinks (lemonade, different sodas, etc). So far, Aaron has never liked the taste of anything except the wine we used to have a communion at a church we used to attend.

 

He'd much rather have a Mt. Dew.

 

I don't think being around people who drink alcoholic beverages responsibly makes a person want to party and get drunk.

[Carol in Cal.]

Carol, it's genetics.

 

True, genetics is what makes them predisposed to the addiction, but my question is what made them START. What made them take that first drink or go on that first binge? Would it have been better to have let them try earlier, or to have kept them even more sheltered? Just thinking out loud.

 

I do think that it's important to let kids know if there is likely a genetic predisposition to addition in the family. Forewarned is forearmed.

[Ibbygirl]

I always have a bottle of rum in my house as a hurricane supply. hehe No joke. My dd thinks that alcohol is for hurricanes only. :p

[JennifersLost]

I used to believe in the "teach kids to drink socially thing," but then I changed my mind.

 

My parents rarely drank when I was a kid, but they did drink socially occasionally. My grandfather always had a drink around dinner-time. There were never any scenes of drunkenness or bad behavior. We kids, especially we girls, were never allowed a drink.

 

Both my sister and I did drink to excess at college, so we could have used better skills at social drinking, but as soon as that phase passed, both of us and my older brothers reverted to my parents' example. None of us drink more than an occasional beer or glass of wine. None of us ever get drunk.

 

My boys' father has addiction issues, so I have consciously decided not to serve alcohol on a regular basis. I may have a beer (about once every three months), my husband may have a beer (slightly more often, but not much). When we have dinner guests or a party we serve wine or beer. That's it. My kids will not drink until they're 18; preferably later. I hope that if they go through a rough patch when they leave home that they, too, will eventually revert to what they've grown up with.

 

I totally believe that what kids do up until they're 18 really affects them, and that the longer you can put off drinking/drugs/smoking, the less likely they are to become addicted. Their brains are still developing until they're 25, right? If they don't become accustomed to drinking, etc, by then, they're unlikely to start. That's my hope, anyway. I worry about this a lot.

[staceyobu]

I believe that studies have shown that children who are exposed to responsible drinking and are allowed to responsibly drink have less trouble with alcoholism than children who grow up in homes where it is banned completely. I have no sources, but I believe I learned that in developmental psych in college?

[buddhabelly]

Interesting thread. I'm curious about the "having it in your home" issue. I've given up drinking at home for sleep and weight control reasons (still once in a while out with husband, etc.), but my husband still drinks, never to excess. I have zero guilt about modeling social drinking.

 

That said, I do wonder about the supply of booze around the house, especially as the kids get older. We used to do a lot of entertaining, and still have house guests a lot, and so we just have a lot here. There's usually beer in the fridge, and wine in the basement. More concerning to me is that we have a fair amount of hard liquor that we rarely drink in a liquor cabinet in the dining room -- mostly remnants from a cocktail party, something special that my husband might drink with a friend, a bottle of something someone brought as a gift etc. My kids are 10 and 7 and I have no worries now, but I'm wondering at what age those of you who do drink would try to get rid of that stuff? I'm not going to get rid of stuff of my husband's without his consent, of course, but there are items that we just keep around on the "maybe a guest will want it someday" theory. And if the kids weren't involved we probably would drink it up, or pitch it eventually. But does anyone have a rule of thumb, or pitched it all when the kids were a certain age?

 

It had a combination lock, but it was really easy to learn the code. So that might help you gauge. I feel that I have alcoholic tendencies --- not a really strong genetic link, but there is some tendency toward excess in both my parents. Maternal grandparents were teetotalers for religious reasons, and I don't think my other grandparents drank much. I always wonder whether religious abstainers would have been alcoholics or not....I take after my maternal grandmother in many ways.

 

Julie

[Ibbygirl]

It had a combination lock, but it was really easy to learn the code. So that might help you gauge. I feel that I have alcoholic tendencies --- not a really strong genetic link, but there is some tendency toward excess in both my parents. Maternal grandparents were teetotalers for religious reasons, and I don't think my other grandparents drank much. I always wonder whether religious abstainers would have been alcoholics or not....I take after my maternal grandmother in many ways.

 

Julie

 

I'm fascinated to know how you were able to figure out the code to the combo lock?? I have two in my house that I can't remember the combinations for. I'd love to know your secret. :)

[PollyOR]

There were 8 children in my mom's family. Her Dad owned a bar. My mom is the only child that is/was not an alcoholic. On the outside they seemed to have successful lives, but I know different. I've have warned my children they may have a genetic bent towards alcoholism and to take it seriously. It's not worth taking the chance for my family.

[Reya]

I don't drink, but if I did, I would drink in front of the kids.

 

And NO SIPS. I drink soft drinks at times when they aren't allowed, so that'd be no different.

[Reya]

I believe that studies have shown that children who are exposed to responsible drinking and are allowed to responsibly drink have less trouble with alcoholism than children who grow up in homes where it is banned completely. I have no sources, but I believe I learned that in developmental psych in college?

 

This was a cross-cultural claim that's been thoroughly debunked by better study methods. Alcohol abuse is tightly associated with age of first allowed drinking, no matter what the setting.

[Ibbygirl]

This was a cross-cultural claim that's been thoroughly debunked by better study methods. Alcohol abuse is tightly associated with age of first allowed drinking, no matter what the setting.

 

Reya.. can I just say to you that that picture of your son and daughter is absolutely gorgeous!! What a beautiful family you have.

 

Okay, sorry for the small hijack.. now back to your regularly scheduled thread. :p

[LaxMom]

There were 8 children in my mom's family. Her Dad owned a bar. My mom is the only child that is/was not an alcoholic. On the outside they seemed to have successful lives, but I know different. I've have warned my children they may have a genetic bent towards alcoholism and to take it seriously. It's not worth taking the chance for my family.

 

I wonder if this is the part of the equation that is most significant. In cultures where beer/wine is the norm with meals, there doesn't seem to be rampant alcoholism. Likewise, in cultures where there is no drinking.

 

I wonder, though, if the bigger issue is raising children with drinking as a way of life, particularly heavy drinking. I'm thinking of the atmosphere where the liquor cabinet is opened on Friday night and all the neighbors appear for the "beginning of the weekend", or, more specifically, our neighbors for whom the first beer is cracked as soon as they arrive home from work (having stopped for a new case on the way) and it's one right after another all night, while the music gets louder, the language gets worse, other people join in, etc. It's like a perpetual house party. :glare:

 

Anyway, I wonder if that weighs in more than the base have a drink / don't have a drink factor.

[Reya]

Reya.. can I just say to you that that picture of your son and daughter is absolutely gorgeous!! What a beautiful family you have.

 

Okay, sorry for the small hijack.. now back to your regularly scheduled thread. :p

 

Thanks!!! I need to post a new pic--that was so long ago. DD is SUCH a ham. All you have to do is say, "Camera!" and she turns and grins. And wants to see the picture after. DS is barely better. He caught me watching Toddlers and Tiaras at my parents' house (me have no TV) and declared that he wanted to be in beauty pageants and win crowns.

 

Uh. NO!!!!!

[Ibbygirl]

Thanks!!! I need to post a new pic--that was so long ago. DD is SUCH a ham. All you have to do is say, "Camera!" and she turns and grins. And wants to see the picture after. DS is barely better. He caught me watching Toddlers and Tiaras at my parents' house (me have no TV) and declared that he wanted to be in beauty pageants and win crowns.

 

Uh. NO!!!!!

 

 

hehehehehehe Bless his heart!! Ay, such a beautiful picture. :) You can see the love he has for his sister. :) So sweet! :)

[Pongo]

Maybe so...I sure it is a factor BUT both my mother's parents were alcoholics' date=' yet none of their four children are. Only one is a teetotaller (religious reasons). DH's grandfather was an alcoholic according to his mother, but none of his three children are.[/quote']

 

My dad is a recovering alcoholic. Myself and my oldest sister partied tons in college but neither of us drink now..AT ALL. My two brothers are alcoholics:glare:

My dh came from a family of heavy drinkers, mom & Dad. My dh has never drank, not one sip, his brother on the other hand made up for that.

 

I think the excess of drinking has more to do with an emotional fulfillment that has less to do with the actual type of alcohol and more to do with the feeling or what they are not trying to feel. Unfortunately , I can look at my three kids and bu their behaviors, I am worried about my ds, who I can see could have the propensity to drink. I know that sounds crazy, but he is my thrill seeker, adrenaline junkie and the first to say yes to anything.

[Peela]

I grew up with parents who drank each evening- a sherry or scotch in the loungeroom, us kids would often have a sip but generally had to stay away because it was mummy and daddy's quiet adult time. In my teens they got into wine and my brother and I were allowed to drink moderately.

In retrospect, I think mild alcoholism is socially acceptable, and I don't really know the effects it had on me. I do know that my mother's relationship with an alcoholic in my teens was the trigger for me to leave home at 16.

 

Dh used to be a drinker too. Alcoholism runs in his family and I would say he was one. I would drink sometimes but its never been a big deal for me- I thought that was because I was allowed to drink as a kid- a sip here and there (in fact one family story my mother likes to tell is me getting drunk at my christening, dunking my fingers in everyone's glass till I passed out). However I think it might be more a genetic thing, and also dependent on who you are around.

 

We have no alcohol in the house. Dh stopped 10 years ago and wont touch it and doesnt want the kids to have any at all. I am a bit softer- if I am out somewhere I might have a glass- a couple of times a year- and I might let them have a sip.

 

However, the path I have agreed on with dh is basically not to let the kids drink. I wont allow dd15 to go to parties she is invited to where we know the kids will be underage drinking. So I also dont drink in front of them very often. Teenage binge drinking is HUGE here in Australia. I am not sure why. Its something I talk to my kids about a lot because they hang out with mainstream kids whose fmailies probably drink, and to whom it will be normal to drink at parties underage. I am trying to get them to realise now how unhealthy it is for them. So far, they are strong-and although dd does want to go to the parties, so far, she is accepting that she cant.

 

It's quite a strong issue for us- for me because of living with stepdad and dh who were big drinkers. And for dh because of his past. ANd for us both because our kids are so precious to us yet something like 2/3 of kids in schools here binge drink regularly by their last couple of years of school.

 

Drinking- even to excess- is very, very normal in Australian culture, and I am trying to find a balance where my kids are not overly protected from it- I will ocasionally have a drink, their extended family all drink. I just want them to be intelligent about it- to see the affect it has on people.

 

And, I suspect they have the genes for alcoholism- many people do who do not become alcoholics, but I want to minimise the chances.

[TravelingChris]

I completely believe that alcoholism is a personality thing which is probably genetically determined as I believe all personalities are. That said, I don't need to protect the children who don't have that personality. My oldest two don't fit the bill. In fact, even though my oldest could and did have a beer or two in Europe where he was legal, he hasn't been drinking here where he isn't. My next older doesn't like the taste or the smell of alcohol. I still have to watch the youngest. I was on medication that prohibited alcohol but I am hoping to change it (not because the alcohol but because I have been getting very sick on it to include hospitalization). DH does drink various things and we cook with alcohol too. We model responsible drinking by no one getting drunk, by having normal behavior while drinking, and by never drinking and driving. No one on my side of the family was an alcoholic and one person on my husband's side. My dh says he knew there was a problem there way before the drink. It generally is a problem of no stop button.

[lynn]

I don't think it is so. My dh and I both grew up in families whose parents had occasional drinks and my dh does not drink at all I may have a mikes lemonade or some other drink occasionally but having alcohol in our homes certainly did not influence us to become alcoholics. Our siblings are the same way either dont drink at all or may have an occasional drink.

Edited August 13, 2009 by lynn

[Carrie12345]

There were 8 children in my mom's family. Her Dad owned a bar. My mom is the only child that is/was not an alcoholic. On the outside they seemed to have successful lives, but I know different. I've have warned my children they may have a genetic bent towards alcoholism and to take it seriously. It's not worth taking the chance for my family.

 

My mom's parents also owned a bar. Everyone in the family worked there. All family events were held there. I even lived there (upstairs) for several months. Alcohol has been around me my entire life.

 

The bar was sold in the 80's. My mother began having, um, "issues" with alcohol in the 90's.

 

I drank about 4 times while in high school, and that includes sharing one can of beer with 2 friends :tongue_smilie:. The other 3 times, I was 18 (which fits with my personal ethics today). It was never in my own house, where my parents kept an unlocked liquor cabinet.

 

The fact is, I grew up completely surrounded by alcohol, and it did not bother me (or my sisters) in the least. I do realize that isn't the case for everyone, so of course it's important to think about these things carefully.

 

Dh drinks beer every now and then. I have one once in a blue moon and the kids want to know why I'm drinking Daddy's beer. I drink Malibu Bay Breezes at special events. If my kids aren't there, I *may* let myself go to Tipsyville.

 

These things do not worry me.

 

That said, I highly doubt I will keep an unlocked, fully stocked liquor cabinet in *my* house. Just because it didn't tempt me, doesn't mean it won't tempt my kids.

[Renee in NC]

This is interesting...our experience was just the opposite. DH came from strict Baptist teetotalling house' date=' and went pretty nuts with the alcohol in college. I was raised by social drinkers (though they didn't let me drink), and while I partied some, it was short-lived and never to the same extent as DH.[/quote']

 

Same here.

 

However, my experience was extreme - I was allowed to drink as much as I wanted as long as I was with my parents. This led to such insane things as camping with my parents and spending the evening doing shots of tequila with my stepmother - at 14!

 

I've never been a big drinker, but dh went NUTS when he was old enough to drink and it lasted several years. He doesn't now.

 

As fas as alcohol as part of daily life - my dh DOES manage a liquor store!:lol: I guess you could say our whole life revolves around alcohol.:tongue_smilie:

[Renee in NC]

Carol, it's genetics.

 

Yes. And ds (16) and I have discussed this numerous times as his father is an alcoholic and so is his grandmother (on that side.) He realizes that he needs to be careful in general as he has a genetic predisposition to alcohol.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I think a combination of genetics and personality are the biggest factors. I grew up in a household where my mother was 100% against drinking (she is so religious that she is truly a fanatic), and my father was an alcoholic. We didn't generally see Daddy drink, but we did see him drunk (after he had been drinking). For me, there was nothing appealing about alcohol. As a result, I had no desire for alcohol, but some of my siblings were entirely different. The same was true for smoking.

 

I'm the youngest of seven children, and I'm the only one who doesn't drink and/or smoke. I was scared to death to even have a drink when I was young because I feared so much that I would become an alcoholic. I had friends and family members who tried to get me to drink when I was a kid, but I wasn't interested. When I was 13, I remember nursing a beer all night that my sister-in-law had given me; I couldn't even stand the taste, so I just held it to appease everyone. However, I finally had my first drink by choice after I was of legal age, but even then I'd only socially drink on rare occasion (one drink about four times a year). I now don't drink at all since I'm allergic to yeast; it's no big deal to me without it.

 

One of my sisters (#5 of the 7) died at age 18 in a car accident, so I can't say what would have happened to her in later life; but she was already a smoker, and she drank occasionally (alcohol was not a factor in the accident). Based on her personality, though, I suspect she wouldn't have been a big drinker if she had lived.

 

My brother (#3) died nearly three years ago due to alcoholism. He went through DTs twice because he tried to stop drinking, but he just couldn't stop. (Daddy also went through DTs a number of times and died young—when I was only 8 years old.) Like my father, my brother was also a smoker.

 

My oldest sister doesn't smoke, but she does drink pretty frequently. However, her worst problem is that she is addicted to prescription drugs. The drugs are greatly affecting her, but she won't admit that she has a problem. Her health is going down fast.

 

My second oldest sister is a heavy smoker and a horrible alcoholic; I honestly don't know how she's still alive. She didn't start drinking heavily until she got a divorce at the age of almost 40; she's 58 now.

 

Another sister, #4, drank as a teen and in her 20s, but she has not drunk at all since getting pregnant with her first child. She admits that she now realizes that she was heading toward a drinking problem at one point. Unfortunately, she is a heavy smoker who is facing death as a result. Her doctor told her that at the rate she is going, she only has about 1-5 years left to live. (I'm so afraid she won't make it through the winter, especially since she has already been hospitalized twice since February; she came very close to death one of those times.) If she'll quit smoking, he'll put her on the list for a lung transplant, but I truly fear that she won't be able to stop.

 

Another sister, #6, drank a good bit in her early days, but she makes a conscious effort not to drink because she sees what it has done to our family (we have uncles, cousins, nephews, and nieces who are alcoholics as well). However, she does smoke.

 

Of the seven of us, six lived long enough to make "choices" (if you can call it that). We all saw negative things about drinking, and some of us even saw our father and/or brother in DTs. We all grew up in a home where drinking wasn't seen as acceptable, so drinking in front of us certainly wasn't the issue. Regardless, two became full-blown alcoholics, and one could become one but relies more on prescription drugs. Two consciously chose not to drink much because they realized they liked it (or even needed it) too much, and one (I) never tried it enough to even get to that point. What made us all go such different routes? We'll probably never know.

 

My son is 10, and I don't try to hide the problems in my family from him. (It would be almost impossible to do so even if I tried.) I do want him to realize that he may not be working with the best genes, and I hope he'll do as I did and make the right choices in terms of alcohol. However, I won't know until later whether or not I'm making the right choices in how I am raising him; I can only hope and continue to do what I think is right.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Teenage binge drinking is HUGE here in Australia. I am not sure why.

It's a big problem in my area as well. :(

[BigMamaBird]

I haven't read the other posts so please excuse me if I'm repeating.

 

No, I see absolutely nothing wrong with occasional, moderate drinking of alcohol around people who have no alcoholic issues. An adult having an alcoholic beverage is completely legal and since they drank in the Old and New Testament, totally acceptable in an adult Christian's life.

 

As to giving a sip to your kids. My family allowed me to have sip once or twice and the taste kept me from wanting more for a VERY long time!

[Janet in Toronto]

I have two teenage sons. Both DH and I drink moderately and have started permitting the boys a small glass of wine, beer or sake with meals if they want some. This happens once or twice a month. Sometimes, they just taste the wine. On special occasions when we serve champagne or other sparkling wine, they will join in a toast. They are fully aware of the problems of overindulging and if they don't want to finish their (small) glass, they just pass it to one of us.

 

DH grew up in a culture where this was the norm. There was no drinking in my household until I moved out and then it was a glass of Dubonnet at 5 pm. In neither family of origin are there problems with alcohol.

[PineFarmMom]

I don't drink and haven't had a drink in about 5 years. Dh gave up drinking beer a couple of years ago. I'm not one of those who think it's wrong for everyone to have an occasional drink where they keep their wits about them, but it's something we've chosen against. I drank heavily...HEAVILY in high school and college. I was nearly an alcoholic. God helped me out of that, so I honor Him by choosing not to drink, per my own convictions and also because it just doesn't taste good to me anymore. We talk with the kids about drinking quite often. Basically, our points with them is that there really just aren't any good reasons to logically start drinking, even socially. There really aren't any benefits. We've told them that we won't be angry with them if, when they are adults they choose to drink responsibly but that they need to honor us now. So no, we don't drink in front of them, but it has more to do with just not wanting to than thinking it would influence them badly or anything. Also, my father drank beer fairly regularly growing up, so I was around it to a degree. He never drank more than one or two at a time. Dh's father was an alcoholic and he spent a lot of time around drunks growing up, so his views about it have assisted him in guiding our children away from it.

Edited August 13, 2009 by Texas T

[EKS]

We have no problem drinking in front of the kids (not to excess, obviously). They understand that alcohol is for adults only and do not ask for sips.

 

Of course there was the time that by mistake I gave them wine instead of grape juice during a Passover seder. Here's how that conversation went:

 

9yo: This grape juice tastes funny.

Me: It's fine.

3yo: I LIKE IT!

Me: See, it's fine.

9yo: No, it really tastes weird!

3yo: I REALLY LIKE IT!!!

Me: Let me see that. (sniffs, takes a sip) What is this stuff? (looks at label) Oh. (takes glasses away)

9yo: See?

3yo: HEY I LIKED THAT! (starts crying)

[Pamela H in Texas]

I haven't read the other posts, but jmo. I think that children seeing and experiencing responsible drinking along the way is healthy and safer than the alternatives of complete abstinence or seeing people binge once in a blue moon (or worse, often).

 

Obviously, if I had a problem with drinking (or hubby did), we wouldn't drink ever. But I honestly think I haven't drank ENOUGH around my kids. I wish they had seen us have a drink or two a month (or something--at least per year!) as they grew up.

 

ETA: Our kids HAVE had sips.

We completely trust the BIBLE which says it is fine to drink, just not to the point of drunkenness.

Our kids are aware of the alcohol issues in the family.

Edited August 13, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[Joanne]

True, genetics is what makes them predisposed to the addiction, but my question is what made them START. What made them take that first drink or go on that first binge? Would it have been better to have let them try earlier, or to have kept them even more sheltered? Just thinking out loud.

 

I do think that it's important to let kids know if there is likely a genetic predisposition to addition in the family. Forewarned is forearmed.

 

No, pre-exposing a person at risk won't "help". Alcoholism is a function of an alcoholic's *body*. (This is not always true with various street drugs). Alcohol in an alcoholic's body literally craves more. A normal, temperate drinker won't have that physical reaction (though they may over indulge).

 

Neither more sheltered nor earlier exposure will change the physiological reality of an alcoholic body. That's why recovering alcoholics can't EVER drink again. I haven't had anything n 18 years but my body remains as alcoholic as ever. If I drink, my body reacts with craving more (and more, and more....)