Would you plan a pregnancy knowing it could threaten your life?

[turnin' 360s]

I know it is ultimately my own decision, but I would like to hear your thoughts.

 

Would you plan it if you already had three children? We are a Christian home and believe that God will lead us in the right direction, even if it does not end the way we hope.

 

Please be gentle.

Edited July 22, 2009 by turnin' 360s

[Julie in CA]

I wouldn't, *especially* if I already had children who needed me.

Would I enlarge my family? Sure, through adoption.

Plenty of kids who need homes...they don't need to come from my body.

[Chris in CA]

Personally no. Especially if I knew my other three dc could possibly be without a mother - that would definitely make the risk too high

[ThatCyndiGirl]

This is just my opinion, but......

 

 

The children that you already have deserve to have/keep their mother. Your husband deserves to keep his wife.

 

 

FOR ME it would feel irresponsible to try to get pregnant/not prevent if I knew that there was a good chance I could die.

 

 

yes, I know that "we could go at any time", etc.....but, if the odds are higher, then....no, couldn't do it.

[Veritaserum]

I wouldn't, *especially* if I already had children who needed me.

Would I enlarge my family? Sure, through adoption.

Plenty of kids who need homes...they don't need to come from my body.

 

:iagree: We didn't use birth control between babies 1 and 5, but after #5 we re-evaluated. We feel that God understands/approves of stopping/taking a break for physical or emotional health reasons. Not all quivers are created equal. ;)

[Aggie]

No.

 

I believe God leads us in the right direction, but he also gave us each the ability to think and reason. :001_smile:

 

And we have access to wonderful medical information.

[enlarsh]

I am in a similar situation. Not a huge threat, but a possible one. We're looking at pursuing domestic adoption in several years (not an infant, but young child to keep the birth order.)

 

It's a heart-wrenching decision. We love our two kids to pieces, but we feel like we have room for more. My dear friend had a baby six weeks ago, and when I held her I certainly wasn't LONGING for a baby again, so I think my heart has really opened to adopting a child or two who really needs a family. Our biggest fear is the adoption process itself--we know so many people who have begun to love a child (even before it is born) only to have the adoption fall through.

 

Just remember that giving birth to a child is not the only way to mother one.

[OrganicAnn]

No.

 

I couldn't do that to my DH and DD.

[WiseOwlKnits]

In a way I'm doing that right now.

 

Between DD and DS, I had an ectopic pregnancy. It ended in emergency surgery - I was bleeding into my abdomen by the time it was discovered and the doctor was sure it would have ruptured had the surgery been a few hours later (and I quite likely would have died).

 

My chance of having another ectopic is increased since I've already had one, but we've had 3 pregnancies since then - 1 m/c, 1 that resulted in DS, and 1 that I found out today is either a chemical pregnancy or another ectopic. So depending on what you consider risking your life, I've done it.

 

For me it would depend on how likely it would be to threaten my life. To me, the benefits of giving DD and DS another sibling (at this point) outweigh the risks of having another ectopic. And that's something that only you can answer for yourself...

[turnin' 360s]

Thank you, (enlarsh? and tttigerr?) for understanding. It is not a huge risk for us either; I have had three children with my condition. Risk of death is slim, but still there and pregnancy is difficult.

 

Most of the time I do not want another pregnancy, but those rare, and, yes, INSANE moments when I do want another are unbearable.

 

We are considering adoption. That has been part of our plan since before we even knew I had a health condition.

[JenneinCA]

No.

 

A heart broken, grief filled, no.

 

And it isn't a question of causing me physical harm either. Since my youngest was born we have tried to have a fourth three times all ending in unexplained second trimester miscarriages. My emotional state can not take doing that again. And so we have stopped trying. It is the right thing to do.

 

I would love to have a baby. But I can't chance my emotional state to try again. My children lost their Mommy to the grief and stress for three long years. I can't do that to them again. I can't do that to me or my husband again.

 

I hope you are able to make peace with whatever decision you make.

[WTMCassandra]

I think the principle is valuing children and taking their training very seriously.

 

I don't think you *have to* actively put your body at risk to have more children to live this out. It would probably depend on the type and severity of the risk, and it should be a decision VERY prayerfully made with both you and DH.

 

But I think taking your current children seriously (staying around to train them) and considering adoption are also very valid choices.

[enlarsh]

It amazes me how God works by preparing hearts. Adoption was always on the table as part of our plan from the beginning, too. Now we are praying that the right child at just the right time will come along into our lives.

[LeeAnn Balbirona]

It *really* depends on how high the level of risk. Every pregnancy carries with it a low risk of mortality (or moderate risk, depending on your access to modern medical care). I don't think anyone but your doctors can really help you determine that. If your risk of death is very high, I think you would likely have an obligation to forgo trying for additional children through the usual means. We should not be careless with our lives when we have others to care for. That being said, I don't believe it is moral to use artificial contraception, so my advice would be to choose a type of natural family planning you are comfortable with and abstain as necessary to your level of risk. Also, keep praying that God will resolve and heal you of your health issue--perhaps it is not a hopeless case?

[Pamela H in Texas]

If it were likely to threaten my life, no way. I value the gift of life too much to risk mine intentionally. Also, the children you have already should have a mother as long as possible. I wouldn't risk that either.

 

There is always a slight risk with pregnancy. And if the risk were higher but still quite slim, I may consider it. But....

 

I have a REALLY hard time with prevention for a few reasons (first, the methods available generally aren't appropriate for me due to spiritual beliefs; and second, after dealing with secondary infertility for so many years.....). But there are more natural methods.

 

If I got pregnant, no matter what the circumstances, I would follow through, even if the chance of death were extremely high. Doing otherwise just wouldn't be an option.

[SLH in ND]

I know it is ultimately my own decision' date=' but I would like to hear your thoughts.

 

Would you plan it if you already had three children? We are a Christian home and believe that God will lead us in the right direction, even if it does not end the way we hope.

 

Please be gentle.[/quote']

 

My dh and I chose not to.

 

In September 2002 I was in the hospital with a life threatening condition. After my hospital stay and seeing a doctor at Mayo Clinic I was told that it was a miracle I had three children without incidence. All during 2002, we had been trying for child #4. In hindsight, I believe that God was protecting me. As I lay in the hospital I wondered if that was the big sign saying "stop trying!" This was very hard, as purposely avoiding conceiving went against our beliefs, plus we just wanted to have more children!

 

A few months after being in the hospital, dh and I *did* consider trying for another baby. I spoke, at length, with both my GP and OB/GYN doctors and was told by both that I had 3 young children who needed their Mommy. I could have gone through a pregnancy with my OB consulting with an OB doc from Mayo Clinic, having expensive (mostly out of pocket) and slightly painful 'treatment' all 9 months, and then worry about the fact that I could very possibly bleed to death during/after delivery. I chickened out! There are women out there who do go through this to have a child.

 

Now, here's the question that dh and I have pondered over at great length:

What would we have done if we knew about this condition before we even had our first child? Would I have trusted God enough to get me through it? Would we have tried going through the pregnancy without medical intervention? Dh and I concluded that we'd have tried it once and if all went well, would probably not have pushed our luck for more.

 

It has gotten easier, especially now that we're in our 40's, but when I have friends having babies, I still get that ache in my heart.

 

I have come away from all this knowing that our three beautiful daughters were meant to be here and that I was blessed with great protection from my Creator!

 

I will pray that you have all the necessary information to help make your decision making process easier. :grouphug: You can PM me if you would like to talk more about it.

 

Sheri :)

[Wee Pip]

We did for our 3rd, but never again! 1st pregnancy: normal, full term. 2nd pregnancy: severe pre-eclampsia w/ c-sec birth at 29 weeks gestation. Consulted a high risk preg specialist, who assessed my risk of re-occurance at 30-60%. We waited 6 yrs before deciding to try for #3 & it was a scary time for us, even though the preg appeared to be healthy & different than our 2nd. We monitored my weight & blood pressure *very* closely, and kept the OB in the loop. Blood pressure & weight slowly crept up, became mildly pre-eclamptic at 30 weeks. Delivered at 30 weeks 5 days by c-sec when pre-eclampsia became severe and had the added bonus of HELLP syndrome (I had severe stomach pains which ended up being my liver, ugh! It was worse than labor pains). I had an even more difficult time recovering from this preg - my blood pressures were scary high for a long time after. Anyhow, we have 3 beautiful girls - 2 of which were preterm, but we will not do this again. Adoption is not an option for our family, unless God changed dh & my heart on this (always a possibility but not one I foresee). Would I have had this 3rd lil person had I known what would happen? Honestly, I just don't know. She is such a dear, sweet little person and perfect in every way (just very small). But what a rough road we went down! I'm glad I didn't know, because I don't know if I'd choose this again, knowing. Of course, ask me again in several years and I'll probably say that I would - but I just can't see using that reasoning to try for #4, knowing it would be a repeat of pregnancy #2 & #3. BTW, we purposely waited until our children were older before trying for #3, so that they could handle an emergency situation & to ensure they had proper care if I had to spend an extended time in the hospital. During the preg, I gathered names, numbers, & addresses of friends willing to take the kids in an emergency. I had everything lined up and planned for, just in case.

[Laura Corin]

I definitely wouldn't if I already had children to care for. I probably wouldn't anyway.

 

Laura

[phathui5]

I would AVOID getting pregnant, probably with several types of birth control. I'm generally against hormonal birth control, but here I would make an exception.

[Pretty in Pink]

I would not, absolutely would not, if I already had children to care for. Depending on the risk, I doubt I would even if I had no children. I'm sorry you have to make this decision. :grouphug:

[Nakia]

No.

[EKS]

No. My primary responsibility would be to the three children already there.

[Hikin' Mama]

then, no, I would not.

 

Blessings to you!

[AuntieM]

I wouldn't, *especially* if I already had children who needed me.

Would I enlarge my family? Sure, through adoption.

Plenty of kids who need homes...they don't need to come from my body.

 

My sentiments exactly. I am in your boat, another pregnancy could be life-threatening for me. DH is having a vasectomy on Friday and I will not be participating in the "vasectomy regrets" thread.

[Orthodox6]

No, I would not. In the situation described, there already are a husband and three children, not one of whom would benefit from losing wife and mother. If more children are desired, there are other ways to satisfy the longing. This is a gentle reply in intent, and I hope you receive it as same.

[TravelingChris]

No, I didn't. I also didn't want a medicine that had a small chance of irreversible and deadly blood problems when my children were younger. Last year, I decided that the really small chance of problems with that medicine was worth taking since my children weren't little any more (The youngest was 11). I have been on the medicine a year and no problems. BUt in terms of children, my children were all small and I only knew I had definite medical problems after the second. I didn't know I had a potentially deadly problem which would more likely result in miscarriages but could also cause strokes and more likely to do that with childbirth. I didn't have anymore since number 3. WHen number 3 was 10, dh had a vasectomy. I was then 44. Like others, I had times when I thought about having a fourth.

[Ferdie]

No. But if I felt called to expand my family I would look into adoption.

[Avila]

No. I am in this position, and it is painful and sad and even heartbreaking for me. But no. I feel like it would be unfair to my DH and the three children I do have to risk my life to give birth to another child.

[BabyBre]

I know it is ultimately my own decision' date=' but I would like to hear your thoughts.

 

Would you plan it if you already had three children? We are a Christian home and believe that God will lead us in the right direction, even if it does not end the way we hope.

 

Please be gentle.[/quote']

 

 

For real? Ummm...No.

[TammyinTN]

We would not. Our last little guy was a miracle and I'm so thankful to have him. I just wouldn't risk leaving my other children behind without their mother.

[PiCO]

No, probably not. But I would weigh the odds- did the condition I had mean probable death? Were there warning signs I could watch for, that would mean medical intervention would save me?

 

If the odds of death were pretty high, I would think it's more important to stick around for the 3 who need me alive.

[stripe]

No.

 

I have a relative whose mother died when she was very young and she has no memories of her mother, and it is obvious that she has felt an acute longing for that relationship her entire life.

[ncmomo3]

no. wouldn't consider it.

[Desert Rat]

No, not if I had 3 children to care for. I'd look into adoption.

[Prudent]

Nope.

 

My desire to have another baby would be secondary to my kids' need for a mother to raise them.

[elegantlion]

No and I have one child. My doctor advised me not to have anymore children after a long and painful birthing process. My dh and I agreed.

[Tree House Academy]

Absolutely, not for a second. Not even if the risk was small.

 

I have not been told that another pregnancy could take my life, but I can tell you that my instincts tell me that if I were to get pregnant again, it could really destroy my body and my mind. I suffered severe change in my personality after my second child was born. My OCD and Hypochondria went into overdrive to which the effects I am still suffering. My body - particularly my back, would likely not even hold up for another pregnancy. So...in respect for myself, my life,and my children, I am finished having kids!

[Karen sn]

I wouldn't, *especially* if I already had children who needed me.

Would I enlarge my family? Sure, through adoption.

Plenty of kids who need homes...they don't need to come from my body.

 

I like answer.

I believe we owe it to the kids we already have who need a mother more thananother sibling.

[Impish]

Like another poster, I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was told that I had a 10-15% chance of that happening again (vs the normal 1 in a 1000 for those who'd never had an ectopic). My dh and I decided that if anyone ever gave us 85-90% odds on anything, we'd take that as a sure thing, so we ttc once we had the all clear. Tazzie was born two years after my ectopic, Princess 17 mths and a week after Tazzie. For us, those odds were worth the risk. Plus, I was heavily monitored as soon as I had a positive test. I went for 48 hr HcG tests, and early ultrasounds to catch an ectopic as early as possible, so that I wouldn't risk a rupture.

 

I've been blessed (so far) as to not have a repeat ectopic. That being said, a positive pregnancy test is never again pure joy and excitement. I cannot celebrate being pregnant until an ultrasound shows babe safely in the uterus. Until that, I'm terrified and praying constantly.

 

Some gave me crap for trying after the ectopic. I already had two children, why risk it? For us, the risk was viewed as small, and my dh and I had not had a child together, my 2 children were from before we met. My dh was even willing to forgo ttc, and content to be Dad to the children I brought to the marriage. I pushed for another, and am so glad I did. I will never forget my dh's reaction when our son was born. It was especially sweet for him, as he was adopted, and grew up without anyone who even looked like him (He's Metis, his Mom is white) and his mom to this day introduces him as, "My adopted son..." Holding his son, knowing that there was a part of him in that baby...The risks meant nothing to have that.

 

So, I would honestly say it depends on what you mean as 'risk'. In my case, close monitoring meant that any danger would have been caught very early, and that my life was not at risk as a result. My heart, absolutely...my emotional self was at risk, but not my life.

 

God Bless you in your travelling this path. :grouphug:

[KristenS]

For us, the risks are in the post-partum phase. So we have chosen to take steps to not have more children.

 

Now, if something happened, and we ended up pregnant, we would definitely go for it (after we got over the shock!). But we felt that it would, given my propensity for severe PPD, it would be a dangerous risk to have more children on purpose. If God chooses to override medical procedures to give us another baby, that's His prerogative. (And I know such things can happen.) I see it as still (sort of) trusting Him, but also making the responsible decision that I need to be here to be the mother to the children I already have.

 

It's a horribly difficult decision no matter which way you go.

[OnTheBrink]

No. I'd not plan a pregnancy that could threaten my life. If I became pregnant through failed b/c methods, I'd continue the pregnancy, trusting God's sovereignty.

 

I agree with Aggie, as well.

 

No.

 

I believe God leads us in the right direction, but he also gave us each the ability to think and reason.

 

And we have access to wonderful medical information.

[LizzyBee]

I know it is ultimately my own decision' date=' but I would like to hear your thoughts.

 

Would you plan it if you already had three children? We are a Christian home and believe that God will lead us in the right direction, even if it does not end the way we hope.

 

Please be gentle.[/quote']

 

It would depend on how high the risk is. I had a condition with my first pregnancy that is potentially fatal, but my doctor was paying attention and didn't let it progress to a point where I ever felt like my life was in danger. Because of having it once, I was at a higher risk of having it again, but we never considered not having more children. Even with the increased risk, it was still more likely than not that I would NOT develop the same complication again. (I didn't with #2, but I did with #3.)

 

OTOH, if there were a high risk or certainty of having very serious complications, no, I would not risk another pregnancy because I would not want the children I already have to lose their mother.

Edited July 22, 2009 by LizzyBee

[geniva]

I am mostly a lurker here, but this subject is pretty close to my heart.

 

I got pregnant in Jun 08 after three children. My first was a natural birth with severe shoulder dystocia. My second and third were c-sections due to the dystocia. When I got prego with #4 I had the doctors ok for a third c-section, and we were even considering having a 5th child at some point.

 

Around 20 weeks I was diagnosed with placental previa and placental percreta. We were told the placenta had grow outside the scar tissue in the uterus and attached to my bladder. We were told of the risks of delivery, massive blood loss and possible hysterectomy. After 6 weeks of bedrest I had a HUGE bleed at home with all three of my small children while my husband was at work. The ambulances, blood, etc. scared my children (ages 7, 5 and 2) to death. I was then put in the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy. I will never forget the looks on their faces when they had to come visit me in the hospital. My 5yo fainted when he saw the IVs for the blood transfusions I received. My daughters just cried.

 

After over three weeks in the hospital I delivered 9 weeks early with another large bleed. When they were preparing me for surgery my husband asked if I wanted to call the kids and tell them that I was on my way to have the baby. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want the last thing they heard from me to be sad or crying. I wanted the new baby so bad, but I was also praying for God to spare my life. I just wanted to be able to see my children grow up.

 

During surgery I received around 12 units of blood/platelets. They did a hysterectomy to stop additional bleeding. I woke up two days later on a breathing tube in the SICU. The baby was 4lbs and stayed in the NICU for another month after I was discharged.

 

Ok, so it's a LONG involved story. :) Sorry... I just wanted to say that I understand your desire for more children, but for me the thought of my children growing up without a mother would not let me consider having another baby... even if I could. Everyone's circumstances are different, but your children need you.

 

Hugs,

Geneva

Edited July 22, 2009 by geniva

[Nestof3]

No, because the family I currently have are more important than the hope of another.

[ereks mom]

I wouldn't, *especially* if I already had children who needed me.

Would I enlarge my family? Sure, through adoption.

Plenty of kids who need homes...they don't need to come from my body.

 

:iagree:

[ereks mom]

 

I believe God leads us in the right direction, but he also gave us each the ability to think and reason. :001_smile:

 

 

 

Yes, God is able to direct our minds, not just our reproductive parts.

[katemary63]

No, the three I have are priority and I wouldn't risk my health for their sakes.