Can we discuss mean moms?

[Alicia64]

I was at the park the other day and a mom I barely know made a snarky comment to me implying that I'm way over protective of my sons.

 

She doesn't hs, I do. I think in her mind, everything I do or say comes down to: too over protective. I can't win.

 

I don't think it's her beeswax how I parent my kids. I didn't ask her for advice or feedback. She just offered the judgment out of the clear blue sky.

 

I'm curious: how often do you encounter "mean moms?" Moms who say sly snotty things to you -- or are outright snotty to you.

 

And I'm not just talking about comments on homeschooling. I'm talking about everything.

 

One I overheard recently: a mom was taking a bite of birthday cake and another mom said, "I thought you said you were on a diet."

 

That kind of thing. Do you encounter it?

 

Alicia

[Pajama Mama]

It's like water off a duck's back. You have to let it roll off of you. When people make snarky comments it reveals how insecure *they* are. Some people can only feel good about themselves by tearing another down.

[Alicia64]

I'm sorry, I'm not being clear. I'm not looking for how to deal with these comments.

 

I'm more wondering if it happens to others often. What you think of moms being mean to each other kind of thing.

 

Did this happen when our mother's were raising kids? Somehow I doubt it.

 

Alicia

[Remudamom]

Believe it or not, I can't recall any encounters I've ever had with a "mean mom". Probably has something to do with my publically telling off the poor lady who suggested I enroll my oldest in her government funded pre K program. The local moms who didn't actually witness it heard about it.

[Pink Fairy]

I wonder if moms are intentionally being mean, or if they just have foot-in-mouth syndrome. Like the diet comment. I could see that popping out of someone's mouth, not meaning to offend, but without thinking.

[OnTheBrink]

I can't recall any encounter like that. Maybe I'm too scary looking. LOL

[love2read]

I've met a few mothers like that, but they're just snotty people in general. Know it alls. There were mothers like that when we were young. I'm sure of this because my mother was/is one :ohmy: Not constantly, but she said enough things to people that I didn't want to be around her in public and that was long before I was a teen. I just got a note from her this morning that tore into a someone who performs a service to her community.

[Mommamia]

Yes! I know what you mean....I've been thinking lately "what's up with all the mean moms?".

[hsmom3tn]

:001_huh: I think I may be guilty of being one of those "mean moms"

 

I don't intend to be mean or snarky, but sometimes things just come out of my mouth that I probably shouldn't have said out loud...

 

I am not a very outgoing person, for this reason. I have a small group of close friends who know me well enough to not get offended when I slip-up. They know that whatever it was came from good intentions and was not meant to be mean or hurtful. Seriously, when I am talking to people that I don't know very well (and they don't know me), I have to pay close attention to what I say and I often lose my train of thought because I'm stressing about saying the wrong thing. It's not that I can't control it, but I do have to work at it, so it's easier to just stick with the people who know me.

 

I like "talking" over the internet so that I can take my time and choose my words more carefully :001_smile:

[Ginevra]

I'm sorry, I'm not being clear. I'm not looking for how to deal with these comments.

 

I'm more wondering if it happens to others often. What you think of moms being mean to each other kind of thing.

 

Did this happen when our mother's were raising kids? Somehow I doubt it.

 

I think I perceived this as happening pretty often when I was in early motherhood and/or only had my first child. Now, either it doesn't happen much or I don't hear it or care anymore. I think the perception of it happening does have a lot to do with how confident you are in your choices. In my early motherhood days, I was very worried about doing the "right" thing as if there was only one universally correct decision. Therefore, I took it a lot more personally when another mother said, "When my kids were little, I took them swimming every single day from May to September." I actually remember a conversation that went like that and how upset it made me, thinking the mom was implying that I surely wasn't up to the job if I could blow off swimming on a perfectly good summer day.

 

I think it probably happened more in previous generations. It was less acceptable to march to your own drummer in the 50's. Things that were very "fringe" thirty years ago are commonly at least heard of now. At least when other moms hear that I homeschool, they never say, "WHAT? Is that even legal?" I can tell if they think it's wacko, but people are hardly ever outright rude about it.

[DarlaS]

I was thinking something along those lines about me. I don't think I come off as very approachable. LOL

 

Me neither. Not once in four pregnancies did anyone EVER just reach out and touch my belly. I hear about this happening to expecting moms all the time. I just never had that problem.

 

I have to make an effort to remember to smile at people as my usual expression is not a friendly one--not even when I was little.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

I've known mean moms before. The worst is when they say something that sounds nice but really it's an insult.

 

I had a (former) friend tell me once that "as my friend" she thought I should know that one of the neighbors (another (so called) friend) thought my kids were wierd. And this was before we homeschooled, when they were going to school just like everyone else! Why did she think I needed to know that? I don't know....but I did soon realize that this person liked to stir the pot. And I was very glad when we moved out of that neighborhood.

 

I also had my belly touched several times with each baby. Maybe I need to develop a backbone?

[Audrey]

I was at the park the other day and a mom I barely know made a snarky comment to me implying that I'm way over protective of my sons.

 

She doesn't hs, I do. I think in her mind, everything I do or say comes down to: too over protective. I can't win.

 

I don't think it's her beeswax how I parent my kids. I didn't ask her for advice or feedback. She just offered the judgment out of the clear blue sky.

 

I'm curious: how often do you encounter "mean moms?" Moms who say sly snotty things to you -- or are outright snotty to you.

 

And I'm not just talking about comments on homeschooling. I'm talking about everything.

 

One I overheard recently: a mom was taking a bite of birthday cake and another mom said, "I thought you said you were on a diet."

 

That kind of thing. Do you encounter it?

 

Alicia

 

 

I haven't seen that very much, but then it could be because it's widely known that I do bite back. :D

[camibami]

I actually like the belly touching- I think its cool people love and appreciate pregnant ladies. I understand it crosses some women's personal space boundaries, but as a general rule, I always thought it was cool.

 

As to mean moms, I've met a few. The nice-smile-covers-the-rude-things-I'm-saying type. The ones who give a little giggle after saying it, as if that makes it okay. I've called more than a few on the things they've said, and it ain't pretty- normally they get all defensive and say things like "Well, I didn't mean it like that!" or whatever. Then they don't do it again.:D

 

I've also met moms who say things that are socially rude, but its not from a mean place, its from lacking a filter. Those types, I "get", actually. I am not the most socially savvy person myself, its a strugle for me to make small talk, etc. So when I meet someone with foot in mouth disease, I usually cut them slack and try to see past it, if they aren't one of the truly mean/snarky ones. I hope others do the same for me. I've met some great people this way, by looking past the rough edges.

[kalanamak]

I won't say never, but not often.

 

 

:iagree: and I try to remember to quizzle up my face, tilt my head to the side a little and say "I wonder why you say such off-putting things?" It is just speaking the truth, but I try to make it mildly ironic.

[AuntieM]

Well, I have met people that are just plain rude, moms or not. I thing there's something about our culture these days - maybe the lack of good old-fashioned etiquette? - that seems to have removed a filter that most people used to always have in place. Nowadays, it seems like lotsa folks think that if they think it, it's okay to say it, kwim? Doesn't mean it's okay, that's just what I've observed. Like they have to give a running commentary on their thoughts.

 

The flip side of the coin is when I'm hanging out with my best friends, then it would be fine for someone to tease me about eating a piece of cake when I said I was dieting. Maybe sometimes that's the kind of thing we overhear and interpret as too forward. I have moved and left those kind of friends behind more than once, I'd love it if one of those close-enough-to-talk-straight-to-me gal pals were even kind of near me now. I'd happily take any reprimand they shared!

 

As far as mean moms, well, I think we all know the type that make us cringe with the way they talk to their kids. That's truly sad.

[Loupelou]

Well, I have met people that are just plain rude, moms or not. I thing there's something about our culture these days - maybe the lack of good old-fashioned etiquette? - that seems to have removed a filter that most people used to always have in place. Nowadays, it seems like lotsa folks think that if they think it, it's okay to say it, kwim? Doesn't mean it's okay, that's just what I've observed. Like they have to give a running commentary on their thoughts.

 

The flip side of the coin is when I'm hanging out with my best friends, then it would be fine for someone to tease me about eating a piece of cake when I said I was dieting. Maybe sometimes that's the kind of thing we overhear and interpret as too forward. I have moved and left those kind of friends behind more than once, I'd love it if one of those close-enough-to-talk-straight-to-me gal pals were even kind of near me now. I'd happily take any reprimand they shared!

 

As far as mean moms, well, I think we all know the type that make us cringe with the way they talk to their kids. That's truly sad.

 

:iagree:

 

With the whole post. Some people just have no filter. I know several and they put people off, most the time not knowing what they are even doing. I really think that the majority of the time it's not out of maliciousness. Also, some people make what appear to be snarky comments but is really teasing in a misguided attempt to be or appear to be a closer friend than they really are.

[Rosie_0801]

 

Did this happen when our mother's were raising kids? Somehow I doubt it.

 

Alicia

 

Oh, it did. The solution is the same as it was then, be choosier about the company you keep. You don't have to listen to schmucky comments if you don't hang out with schmucky people. Or blunt, foot in mouth comments if you don't hang out with blunt, foot in mouth people. Those of us in the latter category can be charming if you look at us from the right angle :)

 

Rosie

[amtmcm]

:001_huh:

 

I don't intend to be mean or snarky, but sometimes things just come out of my mouth that I probably shouldn't have said out loud...

 

I am not a very outgoing person, for this reason. I have a small group of close friends who know me well enough to not get offended when I slip-up. They know that whatever it was came from good intentions and was not meant to be mean or hurtful. Seriously, when I am talking to people that I don't know very well (and they don't know me), I have to pay close attention to what I say and I often lose my train of thought because I'm stressing about saying the wrong thing. It's not that I can't control it, but I do have to work at it, so it's easier to just stick with the people who know me.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

You took the words out of my mouth... I'm the same way. I find it exhausting to be around certain people because I try to be so careful about what I say. It's much easier to be around other opinionated people. I'm very quiet at parties or in groups because I worry about saying something that will come out the wrong way.

[KidsHappen]

Um, no. I think I am one of scary looking moms. I am one of those people that could get away with wearing a t-shirt that says, "Do I look like a people person to you?"

 

As to whether it used to be that way, have you ever seen Steel Magnolias? I grew up in a small southern town just like that. You know the kind, where you could say whatever bad thing you wanted about a person as long as it was followed by, "Bless her heart!"

[Alicia64]

Thanks everyone!

 

I definitely look like a marshmallow -- definitely not like I'd bite back. I'm usually too stunned to bite back.

 

I do have to say: I'm totally cool with people who are socially awkward or don't know what to say etc. I have quite a few friends who say things that border on rude, but I know they just flustered or inadvertently say something wrong.

 

Thank you! I was just curious what everyone thought of the topic!

 

Just to add: I know many, many, many really wonderful, kind, caring, generous moms! (Jillions on this forum!)

 

Alicia

[Alicia64]

Kidshappen ~ you're hilarious! I had a grandma from the south and she used to say that "bless her heart" thing too! Until now I never made the connect that that was a southern comment.

 

Duh! (Bless my heart!)

 

Alicia

[Impish]

They aren't all 'moms':glare:

 

I knew a woman, now many years in the past, and several provinces away, thank the Good Lord, who was a master in this Dark Art. She had the honed ability to say the most hurtful thing at the most shattering moment possible, and ALWAYS with an audience. It was never done unintentionally, and never an 'oops'. Her rationale? "I was only telling the truth!" And it was. It was always truth...in the harshest possible delivery, meant to wound and bleed as much as possible. But to her, it was truth, so she didn't have to be graceful about it, as long as she was honest. It couldn't possibly be cruel if it was true. When she was tackled on this issue, her response? "The truth hurts? So be it."

[Tammy]

I used to get offended when people would tell me about my 'parenting' skills.....but when I look back (ok, wayyyy back)....they were usually true. I still get a bit offended....but when I hear it now....I try to take a step back and listen. I figure anyone who would go out on a limb and give parenting advice (even though everyone knows no parent likes that)...well...they must not be able to hold it back, LOL.

 

Oh...and I will admit to being WAYYYY overprotective of my kids and probably still am. I just can't help it.

 

.

[OneRoomSchoolHouse]

I don't get rude comments abour my kids or parenting, but I do get "My, you look too young to have any kids" and then they give a shameful smile. I then respond "I WAS married when I got pregnant", just to clarify it for them (I was married at 19, first baby 2 months after I turned 21). Several times my dd has been asked if I was her sister. She thinks it's kinda funny because to her I am REALLY old. I guess the age thing tends to bother me more than anyother comments I've received. I relate the age comments to the same feeling as someone asking if you are pregnant, when you're not! :eek:

[Tree House Academy]

I am taken aback when a mom I don't know well makes a snarky comment. The worst for me was a girl at my church who stuck her nose up at me for homeschooling, then said, "I don't think I am intelligent enough to homeschool my kids...did YOU go to college?" Umm, yes I did and I have a BA in English....but who gives a flying flip??? If you can read, you can learn with your kids. B@$%^

 

However, I tend to make comments that others might think are "mean" if they overhear me talking with GOOD friends. I tend to let it fly with them and they do the same with me and we each know it is all in friendship and fun. For instance, my BEST friend *since we were 8* and I pretty much always open any phone conversation with "what up biotch?" See...not nice at all unless you know that is just how we are. ;)

[Elaine]

I can't recall any encounter like that. Maybe I'm too scary looking. LOL

 

:lol:

 

I think that you may be onto something here. I think sometimes it's the vibe you put out. (Not you you, the general you.)

 

Alicia- Don't let it bother you.:001_smile:

[abbeyej]

No, not often. I can't even recall one, but I'm sure it has happened. I think a *lot* of this comes down to how we choose to perceive other's comments. Do we *expect* other people to make hurtful or rude comments? Or do we assume the best, and extend grace when things come out poorly?

 

Some women *are* unpleasant or pushy, etc, etc, and I'm all for quietly slipping away and arranging to spend as little time as possible around them. But I find that that's rare, and usually it's a personality or attitude that rubs me the wrong way, not so much that anyone is intentionally "mean".

[TravelingChris]

I am with Remundamom and SolaMichelle. No one has ever come up and criticized my homeschooling, my parenting, or anything like that. With me, it can't be my reputation since I move every few years to a wholly different state or country. I think some of us give off assertive vibes and normally people get it and don't bother us.

 

 

Now I do get plenty of people at churches or homeschool goups or wherever deciding that they have the cure for my chronic disease (almost all of whom had never heard of it till I mentioned it the second before).

[iquilt]

At a church function Wednesday night :) My oldest was walking around with a lollipop in her mouth and I was loudly criticized for allowing such an injustice to continue. This particular mom has hardly ever attended a church function with her kids, I only know the dad because he is the at-home parent. She didn't know whose child she was, but she made sure to ask and then to criticize because, I guess, she felt the need to show that she was looking out for the safety of my child (who is 8) even though I was not.

[Jumping In Puddles]

This happened with an acquaintance (we are in the same church group and her dd is friends with my dc). We were at a church dinner for the ladies in the group and she looks at me from across the table and says in her Russian accent "You're homeschooling?!?!?!?!" "I think you have no life! I don't think you have any friends!! :blink: "I think it's just you and your husband and your kids and that's it. When was the last time you went out with friends?" :001_huh::001_huh::001_huh:

 

ME: uh, uh, <looks around> oookkaaay, ummmmmmm... :confused:

 

Then I just told her that I do have a life! I work freelance with some really cool people at a really insanely cool place that I love and I do have friends - lifelong friends, even and just because I stopped calling her (gee, I wonder why? :lol:) that doesn't mean that I don't have any friends. :boxing_smiley: :angry:

 

I should have told her it was none of her business but I was kind of stunned by this attack at a friendly church event!!

 

EDIT: oh yeah, when she was done with me, she tells everyone at the table that her best friend (sitting next to her!) is pushing her 5yo son to read and it's been proven that early readers do poorly later on. Friend hears this and says "I'm not pushing him... he wants to read, he asks to read, he loves it and I can't stop him even if I wanted to" She said "thank god my dd isn't reading, I don't want to push her so she gets bored and then gets behind." What????????????

Edited June 12, 2009 by Jumping In Puddles

[SquirrellyMama]

I'm not sure I've encountered too many mean moms. I remember one very well from when I was a kid.

 

The meanest person I remember was my maid of honor for my wedding. I was going out to exercise (it was finals week and a week before my wedding so I was stressed) and she said, "Trying to lose weight? It's a bit late don't you think?"

 

I'm hoping she's mellowed now that she is a mom.

[Rhonda in TX]

Me neither. Not once in four pregnancies did anyone EVER just reach out and touch my belly. I hear about this happening to expecting moms all the time. I just never had that problem.

 

I have to make an effort to remember to smile at people as my usual expression is not a friendly one--not even when I was little.

 

I think I'm just not approachable. I want to be, but I'm not. Have to say, though, that I'm not unhappy about strangers not touching my pregnant belly. :) Even friends asked for permission.

 

I've never personally met a "mean mom", but there is a woman at church (who has no kids) that has offended many people with her bluntness. She doesn't bother me, but I can see how it would bother others. I remember one time I was talking about a haircut I had that was very short. I thought it made me look a bit "butch". She looked at me and said, "It doesn't. Believe me, I would let you know if it did." True. So true.

[jujsky]

Wow! No, I've never come across this. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

[KingM]

As a general observation, it seems like men and women communicate differently in those regards. If I showed up at a friend's house and he laughed and said, "Dude, you need a new pair of pants, you've gained some weight and those ones look like you can barely fasten the button," I'd make some snarky comeback and shrug it off. When I got home, I'd probably renew my vows to eat better and get more exercise.

 

If someone said this to my wife, she'd be devastated. She would stew over this for a week and probably not go back to that friend's house anytime soon.

 

On the other hand, while women seem much more tactful, they are not at all hesitant about voicing these sorts of things when the person being talked about is not present. Men do this too, of course, but I'd guess we're probably a little more blunt to someone's face (especially a male friend) and commensurately less to strangers and when the subject is not present.

 

The thing about these general tendencies is that they are very general. It sounds to me like the OP simply ran into someone who speaks her mind. Other people are thinking the same thing but either keep it to themselves or wait until they have someone else with whom to gossip. This is not one of our best traits, but it's very human.

 

Speaking of which, I was at the supermarket with my outspoken grandmother once when she started to berate a younger guy who had parked in a handicapped spot. "You know, those spots are for handicapped people, and when people who are NOT handicapped park in them..."

 

Grandma stopped abruptly as the guy struggled to get out of his car. "Oh," she said in a loud voice. "You are handicapped."

[Garga]

This happened with an acquaintance (we are in the same church group and her dd is friends with my dc). We were at a church dinner for the ladies in the group and she looks at me from across the table and says in her Russian accent "You're homeschooling?!?!?!?!" "I think you have no life! I don't think you have any friends!!

 

Ahh, but she was Russian. This could have been a cultural thing. I know that Americans often find other cultures to be alarmingly outspoken.

[TXMomof4]

I see mean moms alot. Those underhanded, snotty little comments about another woman, about her kids, about whatever. Their kids are mean too. It's in one group of women that I have experienced it the most - needless to say, they aren't close friends of mine. I always leave that group wondering what makes them so awful. I think it's a lot of competition and jealousy - they're always looking for a way to get "one up" on someone else. It makes me count my blessings in my friends.

[Impish]

Now I do get plenty of people at churches or homeschool goups or wherever deciding that they have the cure for my chronic disease (almost all of whom had never heard of it till I mentioned it the second before).

Yes. Yes. A million times yes. I get this. And if you *don't* run out and immediately start rubbing bat guano 3x a day behind your ears, and spitting between your big toes, and hopping 4x around the garden backwards during the next full moon, not only are they incredibly offended, they then hit you with, "Huh. Obviously you don't WANT to get better. My mistake!" and stomp off in a huff to tell all and sundry that you actually prefer your disease because they offered you a cure and you turned it down and wouldn't even try it. You just like the attention for it, that's all. :glare:

[BigMamaBird]

 

One I overheard recently: a mom was taking a bite of birthday cake and another mom said, "I thought you said you were on a diet."

 

 

 

I have a girlfriend who would say this to me. Not out of snarkiness, but because we're dieting together and try to encourage and keep each other accountable. So if you overheard her you might think she was being offensive, but personally, I'd appreciate it. But I would only take that comment from her because we're so close. Anyone else would get an ear full!

[MamaT]

The only comments I can remember getting from other moms that coould be offensive are about why I have so many kids. I can't understand why it's any of their business. Someone even asked my husband if we had a television. He replied, "Yes, but there are commercials."

 

I usually just let rude comments from people roll off my back. My mom was a mean mom and people always gave her lots of space. She was REALLY mean. My teachers at school never wanted to deal with her. I remember her dragging me down the sidewalk downtown when I was about 5 really fast (she was mad at my dad). A blind guy was selling pencils out of a cigar box and he had the misfortune to be right in front of my mother. She shoved him aside and said, "Get out of my way."

 

I think because of her, I am very careful with my words and actions toward other people. I go out of my way not to be a mean mom.

[*Inna*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jumping In Puddles

This happened with an acquaintance (we are in the same church group and her dd is friends with my dc). We were at a church dinner for the ladies in the group and she looks at me from across the table and says in her Russian accent "You're homeschooling?!?!?!?!" "I think you have no life! I don't think you have any friends!!

 

Ahh, but she was Russian. This could have been a cultural thing. I know that Americans often find other cultures to be alarmingly outspoken.

:iagree: I hated going back to Israel to visit my family and friends after I had my oldest and gained a lot of weight. Everyone will stare at me in this stunned disbelief and blurt: "My, you've gotten fat!" Oh, the agony! The funny thing is - most of them weren't pixies either. ;)

 

To answer the OP's question - no, I haven't met a lot of mean moms, more "foot in the mouth" moms. And, well, it happens to all of us.

But I still can't forget one of the leaders at a bible study I was attending. When she learned that I speak Russian, she smiled really big and said: "You must be one of those mail-order brides!" I was speechless. :001_huh:

[Impish]

The only comments I can remember getting from other moms that coould be offensive are about why I have so many kids. I can't understand why it's any of their business. Someone even asked my husband if we had a television. He replied, "Yes, but there are commercials."

 

 

:lol: I love it!

[Jumping In Puddles]

Ahh, but she was Russian. This could have been a cultural thing. I know that Americans often find other cultures to be alarmingly outspoken.

 

I can see that if maybe she was saying I was fat or something true like that :lol: but to just make an assumption like that? I don't know if I consider that outspoken.

 

The only comments I can remember getting from other moms that coould be offensive are about why I have so many kids. I can't understand why it's any of their business. Someone even asked my husband if we had a television. He replied, "Yes, but there are commercials."

 

 

That is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! :lol: :D

[stripe]

I'm more wondering if it happens to others often. What you think of moms being mean to each other kind of thing.

 

Did this happen when our mother's were raising kids? Somehow I doubt it.

I don't. I don't find anything unique about encountering rude comments from moms -- I've been getting snotty comments from other females since I was a girl, as an adult before I got married, after marriage but before motherhood, and since motherhood. I have had people make snarky comments I felt was an attempt to put a wedge between my husband and me -- not based on anything about my husband or me, mind you, but on that person's own marital problems/issues.

 

Apparently my mother had friends tell her she wasn't welcome to bring me with her to gatherings -- she dumped several friends as a result of their child-unfriendly attitudes; at least I haven't dealt with that. So....I am sorry to say, I don't think it is new. Women get an enormous amount of pleasure at times from cutting down other women.

 

My best strategy has been to reply to those comments and/or actively avoid the worst offenders -- and it helps make people feel less free to make those comments to me. But some people are amazingly persistent in their negativity!

[love2read]

 

I like "talking" over the internet so that I can take my time and choose my words more carefully

I have the opposite problem. I think I usually sound harsh on the internet because I have to limit my time and am brief and direct. In real life it's easier for me to think and reply. I should follow your lead and choose my words more carefully and post less.

[hsmom3tn]

I have the opposite problem. I think I usually sound harsh on the internet because I have to limit my time and am brief and direct. In real life it's easier for me to think and reply. I should follow your lead and choose my words more carefully and post less.

 

Maybe I just take for granted that people will not assume a harsh/snarky tone and get offended by what I write??? Now I'm going to be stressing over how I write, too! LOL

[hsmom3tn]

:iagree:

 

You took the words out of my mouth... I'm the same way. I find it exhausting to be around certain people because I try to be so careful about what I say. It's much easier to be around other opinionated people. I'm very quiet at parties or in groups because I worry about saying something that will come out the wrong way.

 

My mother was one of those women with absolutely no filtering system whatsoever. She didn't even try to watch her tongue. She said what she thought immediately upon thinking it. I grew up seeing her hurt people's feelings and watching the "I can't believe you just said that to me" expressions on other's faces. It took me a long time to understand that that's probably why she couldn't seem to keep any friends.

 

I don't want to be like that, so I really try to watch what I say.

[lionfamily1999]

I live in the same town where I grew up. The mean moms were mean in grade school and high school. Shocker, their kids tend to be a. mean or b. timid.

 

It's funny, because all the mean moms I know describe themselves as open minded, etc. I just translate it to, open minded as long as you completely agree with me.

[Garga]

I don't know any mean moms. I can't think of a time when someone has said something cutting to another person in my hearing.

 

I've heard a few women put their foot in their mouths, but I've not run into true 'mean' comments.

[Alicia64]

You guys are all so funny.

 

I'm beginning to think that it could be our upper income community. We're not upper income -- we're "barely surviving" income, but we have a small house in a upper end area.

 

Most moms, of course, are too tired, overwhelmed etc. to be snotty. But, boy, the competition here is real.

 

Who has the cleanest, most beautiful home? Best backyard? Coolest trips? Most gargantuan diamond ring? (One friend went on and on about how she could barely accept genuine, large diamond earrings from her dh at Christmas b/c of all the people in the world who could barely eat. She accepted them anyway. I took that as her way of announcing that her diamonds were real.)

 

I've asked my dh several times: can we move?? Nope, can't afford to!!

 

Alicia