S/O...Rude behavior of adults in your home...What did you do?

[Ria]

This is a s/o (spin off) of Colleen's thread about visiting children's behavior.

 

This pertains to adults.

 

Have you ever had an adult come to your home and exhibit rude or just plain inexplicable behavior? If so, what did you do?

 

Here is my story. I still shudder to this day.

 

The Sponge.

 

We had a couple over with their kiddos, ages 2 (dd) and new (ds). The mom and I were in the kitchen talking and the little dd wandered in. Her nose was running....not the clear drippy running, but the thick, yellow, waxy-from-her-nose-to-her-mouth glob kind of runny. I did not notice her nose....until....as the little child walked by, the mom must have noticed the child's plethora of mucus. She picked up my kitchen sponge, resting on the edge of the sink, and without a pause - in one clean sweep - she took that sponge, wiped the huge dripping thing from her dd's face, and plopped that sponge back on the counter.

 

And my reaction?

 

I sort of screamed. It was involuntary, I assure you. But I was just so. freaked. out. The item was still visibly present on the sponge.

 

I tried to regain my composure, and I asked her if she'd mind throwing the sponge into the trash. She was astounded. She looked at me like I had three heads. She said, "You mean, you don't use the sponge?"

 

Oh. My. Word.

 

Ria (who is literally cringing as I type this)

[Bess]

That's truly gross, but it's also equally (maybe more?) disgusting that she would use a dirty sponge to wipe her child's face with???!!!

Edited March 7, 2009 by Bess

[In the Rain]

:tongue_smilie: That is really, truly disgusting! I would have thrown the sponge away too, when she wasn't looking.

[lionfamily1999]

My dh works on dirt bikes, four wheelers and motorcycles at home for extra income. We are used to having groups of teenage boys show up out of the blue with their various mechanical issues. At one point, a group showed up that was loud, cursing and rude. I didn't let them past the front porch, simply told them this was my home and I didn't stand for that sort of behavior and they needed to leave. Now. That's how I handle most of those kinds of situations. I've kicked people out mid-dinner for being rude or obnoxious and my response is always, this is my home and I will not have that here.

 

It always shocks me when anyone behaves like a wild animal in someone else's home. The other thread, about kids, I didn't even want to get into it. Telling someone, I'm sorry, but they can't come back until they learn some respect, never goes over well.

[vettechmomof2]

Yuck. I cannot think of any rudeness that could top that one.

Yuck.

[Nakia]

That makes me want to barf. Seriously. Other people's snot is disgusting to me. She was clearly insane. :D

[5kidsforME]

This is a s/o (spin off) of Colleen's thread about visiting children's behavior.

 

This pertains to adults.

 

Have you ever had an adult come to your home and exhibit rude or just plain inexplicable behavior? If so, what did you do?

 

Here is my story. I still shudder to this day.

 

The Sponge.

 

We had a couple over with their kiddos, ages 2 (dd) and new (ds). The mom and I were in the kitchen talking and the little dd wandered in. Her nose was running....not the clear drippy running, but the thick, yellow, waxy-from-her-nose-to-her-mouth glob kind of runny. I did not notice her nose....until....as the little child walked by, the mom must have noticed the child's plethora of mucus. She picked up my kitchen sponge, resting on the edge of the sink, and without a pause - in one clean sweep - she took that sponge, wiped the huge dripping thing from her dd's face, and plopped that sponge back on the counter.

 

And my reaction?

 

I sort of screamed. It was involuntary, I assure you. But I was just so. freaked. out. The item was still visibly present on the sponge.

 

I tried to regain my composure, and I asked her if she'd mind throwing the sponge into the trash. She was astounded. She looked at me like I had three heads. She said, "You mean, you don't use the sponge?"

 

Oh. My. Word.

 

Ria (who is literally cringing as I type this)

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Ewwwwwww!! That is nasty. I would have said "Seriously??? Throw that in the trash! That is what we wash our dishes with, not to clean up bodily fluids!"

 

You didn't have any sponges in the bathroom did you?? :001_huh:

[Ria]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Ewwwwwww!! That is nasty. I would have said "Seriously??? Throw that in the trash! That is what we wash our dishes with, not to clean up bodily fluids!"

 

You didn't have any sponges in the bathroom did you?? :001_huh:

 

LOL. No, tissues were in the bathroom, but who uses those when there are sponges?

 

The sponge went into the trash.

 

Ria

[secular_mom]

Um, I would not EVER want to visit this persons home, EVER. Eeeewwwww. Blech. Yuck. I'd think every surface was contaminated with something.

[sleepy]

she took that sponge, wiped the huge dripping thing from her dd's face, and plopped that sponge back on the counter.

 

 

Urg. Icky, icky, yuck, yuck. Gag. Cough. Choke. Blarg.

 

I'm so *not* looking forward to doing dishes tonight. Thanks, Ria. :D

 

Okay. I've got one. A childhood friend of dh's was visiting and he became extremely, disgustingly drunk. So drunk that he passed out on our living room floor for an hour or more. When we woke him up, insisting that he leave, he threatened to kill dh, myself, and a good friend of ours. :001_huh:

 

We called the police, and they removed him from the house. (this was all before we had kids, so no little ones were in danger, thank goodness)

[OnTheBrink]

OH my, where to begin...

 

One Christmas eve, I was preparing dinner for EXs parents, brothers and sil. One of his brothers and his wife wanted to go visit her mother, but said they'd be back for dinner. BIL asked what time to be back; I said 7:00. Off he and sil went.

 

Seven came. Seven went. Food was ready and getting cold. We finally sat down to eat and at 7:30, BIL and SIL sauntered in, visibly offended we didn't wait. BIL angrily asked if we decided to eat early. I said, no, we were ready to eat at 7:00. He then insisted I said 7:30. I looked at the others at the table and said, "I did say 7:00, didn't I?" They all confirmed I did. Yet, we were ALL WRONG! According to BIL, he heard 7:30 and that was because I said 7:30. There was NO way he'd have gotten that wrong! Then, I tried to just smooth it over and said that the food was getting cold; let's just sit down to eat. He then turned to me and said, "What, do you want me to PAY for this meal?" I was :confused: NO one said a word about such a thing.

 

Afterwards, EX's parents went home and since it was late, we all went to bed. At midnight, someone came banging on the door. It was both EX's brothers and some others, wanting to know if EX wanted to go bowling! ON Christmas eve! My son was sleeping and they were yelling and laughing and being obnoxious jerks. I finally told EX he needed to tell them to leave. I swear, if I'd had a shotgun, that night would have gone down as the Christmas Eve 1996 Massacre.

[melissel]

Wow. You know, I'm not really concerned about germs that much. My standards in that area are pretty low, particularly compared to many here. But that story made even me a little nauseous. Did she even realize what she'd done after she threw out the sponge, or say anything about it later? Ugh, I'm seriously a little grossed now.

[Ria]

OH my, where to begin...

 

One Christmas eve, I was preparing dinner for EXs parents, brothers and sil. One of his brothers and his wife wanted to go visit her mother, but said they'd be back for dinner. BIL asked what time to be back; I said 7:00. Off he and sil went.

 

Seven came. Seven went. Food was ready and getting cold. We finally sat down to eat and at 7:30, BIL and SIL sauntered in, visibly offended we didn't wait. BIL angrily asked if we decided to eat early. I said, no, we were ready to eat at 7:00. He then insisted I said 7:30. I looked at the others at the table and said, "I did say 7:00, didn't I?" They all confirmed I did. Yet, we were ALL WRONG! According to BIL, he heard 7:30 and that was because I said 7:30. There was NO way he'd have gotten that wrong! Then, I tried to just smooth it over and said that the food was getting cold; let's just sit down to eat. He then turned to me and said, "What, do you want me to PAY for this meal?" I was :confused: NO one said a word about such a thing.

 

Afterwards, EX's parents went home and since it was late, we all went to bed. At midnight, someone came banging on the door. It was both EX's brothers and some others, wanting to know if EX wanted to go bowling! ON Christmas eve! My son was sleeping and they were yelling and laughing and being obnoxious jerks. I finally told EX he needed to tell them to leave. I swear, if I'd had a shotgun, that night would have gone down as the Christmas Eve 1996 Massacre.

 

LOL! Don't you wonder where their minds are?

 

Ria

[katilac]

Ria, I think that you have grossed everyone out so much that they can't think clearly enough to reply! ewww, ewww, ewww.

 

um, I generally only step in when guests are using truly bad language in front of the kids, or offensive names for ethnic or cultural groups (in front of anyone). not that it happens often, mind you, but I do have some older relatives who need gentle reminders at times.

[5kidsforME]

OH my, where to begin...

 

One Christmas eve, I was preparing dinner for EXs parents, brothers and sil. One of his brothers and his wife wanted to go visit her mother, but said they'd be back for dinner. BIL asked what time to be back; I said 7:00. Off he and sil went.

 

Seven came. Seven went. Food was ready and getting cold. We finally sat down to eat and at 7:30, BIL and SIL sauntered in, visibly offended we didn't wait. BIL angrily asked if we decided to eat early. I said, no, we were ready to eat at 7:00. He then insisted I said 7:30. I looked at the others at the table and said, "I did say 7:00, didn't I?" They all confirmed I did. Yet, we were ALL WRONG! According to BIL, he heard 7:30 and that was because I said 7:30. There was NO way he'd have gotten that wrong! Then, I tried to just smooth it over and said that the food was getting cold; let's just sit down to eat. He then turned to me and said, "What, do you want me to PAY for this meal?" I was :confused: NO one said a word about such a thing.

 

Afterwards, EX's parents went home and since it was late, we all went to bed. At midnight, someone came banging on the door. It was both EX's brothers and some others, wanting to know if EX wanted to go bowling! ON Christmas eve! My son was sleeping and they were yelling and laughing and being obnoxious jerks. I finally told EX he needed to tell them to leave. I swear, if I'd had a shotgun, that night would have gone down as the Christmas Eve 1996 Massacre.

 

This is one of those stories you got ot look back on and think Thank the LORD I didn't have a shotgun then. :lol:

[Jennifer in NH]

This is a s/o (spin off) of Colleen's thread about visiting children's behavior.

 

This pertains to adults.

 

Have you ever had an adult come to your home and exhibit rude or just plain inexplicable behavior? If so, what did you do?

 

Here is my story. I still shudder to this day.

 

The Sponge.

 

We had a couple over with their kiddos, ages 2 (dd) and new (ds). The mom and I were in the kitchen talking and the little dd wandered in. Her nose was running....not the clear drippy running, but the thick, yellow, waxy-from-her-nose-to-her-mouth glob kind of runny. I did not notice her nose....until....as the little child walked by, the mom must have noticed the child's plethora of mucus. She picked up my kitchen sponge, resting on the edge of the sink, and without a pause - in one clean sweep - she took that sponge, wiped the huge dripping thing from her dd's face, and plopped that sponge back on the counter.

 

And my reaction?

 

I sort of screamed. It was involuntary, I assure you. But I was just so. freaked. out. The item was still visibly present on the sponge.

 

I tried to regain my composure, and I asked her if she'd mind throwing the sponge into the trash. She was astounded. She looked at me like I had three heads. She said, "You mean, you don't use the sponge?"

 

Oh. My. Word.

 

Ria (who is literally cringing as I type this)

:lol::lol::lol: (I'm laughing at the picture in my mind of you screaming...I would too..)

 

I needed a good laugh today! I haven't read any of the other posts yet, but Yuck! Never, ever eat at that woman's house! eeww!

No wonder they say sponges contain a ton of germs! It would never occur to me to wipe my child's nose with one!

[OnTheBrink]

This is one of those stories you got ot look back on and think Thank the LORD I didn't have a shotgun then. :lol:

 

There are MANY times I've looked back over the past 13 years and thanked God I didn't have a shotgun! MANY.

[jamnkats]

Well, I"ll be the lone voice of "I really don't see what was so terribly wrong" other than the fact that she didn't wash the sponge out. I'd be more tweaked about blood than snot. And to the question posed, I try to figure out where they're coming from and if they are dangerous and act accordingly. If they aren't dangerous or potentially harmful to my kids I just shrug it off. Really, there is so much more in this world to get worked up about.

 

My story - my SIL invited us to stay with her one time that we visited my husbandito's family. We had visited his family just once before so it wasn't a regular visit. A very special time (as she termed it) for our kids to get to know her. After a few nights she yelled at husbandito that she hated my cooking - that I cooked dinner for her every night and she hated that (??) and told us to leave. She was drunk at the time, but won't admit to that. :) But hey, family is weird. My kids will never be alone with her but I won't discourage any relationship. We quickly found a motel and stayed the rest of our visit there.

Edited March 6, 2009 by jamnkats

[*Inna*]

Um, I would not EVER want to visit this persons home, EVER. Eeeewwwww. Blech. Yuck.

:iagree:

 

That really tops all the stories I knew.

[Parrothead]

The rudest anyone has been at my house was coming two hours late for a dinner invitation. Two hours late I meant I had cleaned up the meal and kitchen. They expected me to feed them. I guess it is so ingrained in me that I couldn't tell them to go home. But I think it was the quickest quietest dinner they ever ate.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The last time my brother and SIL ate at my house she said in a loud whisper ("This soup is gross"). I have not invited them to eat since and it has been at least 5 years.

 

That same brother asked if he could stay at my house for the weekend. I got the guest room ready. When he was over an hour late I called him on his cell. He had decided to stay somewhere else. I haven't invited him to stay at my house since, either. (It would be different if he had forgotten or apologized but he didn't.)

 

But we do have a good relationship. I just don't put myself out for them. I've got health issues and it really takes a lot out of me to fix a meal or get a room ready.

[5kidsforME]

Well, I"ll be the lone voice of "I really don't see what was so terribly wrong" other than the fact that she didn't wash the sponge out. .

 

:eek:

[Peri]

EWWWWWWWW! :ack2:

[Joanne]

How about this one.

 

It was Thanksgiving and my xsil was visiting. Now, my dd was born Dec. 10 this year, and I was hosting Thanksgiving. My belly was bigger than the turkey.

 

SIL asked if there was "anything she could do". I asked her to peel hard boiled eggs for devilled eggs. She tried one, it didn't peel easily, she went out back to smoke.

 

Nearly every 10 minutes or so, she was making a joke about snot or farts. This from a 40+ woman. Seeing the look on my face, she said "Well, I have 2 boys and they are like that."

 

We used to host a mix of people. I put the turkey in the middle of the mixed crowd of 20 or so, sit down, we say grace.

 

I am serving the turkey and she says "So, have you lost your mucous plug yet?"

 

Now, I am very "earthy" and authentic, and real. But I have *some* sense of time and place. Fortunately, several of the men at the table had no clue what she asked.

[newlifemom]

How about this one.

 

 

 

I am serving the turkey and she says "So, have you lost your mucous plug yet?"

 

.

 

ewwwww, just ewwwww.

[KidsHappen]

This is a s/o (spin off) of Colleen's thread about visiting children's behavior.

 

This pertains to adults.

 

Have you ever had an adult come to your home and exhibit rude or just plain inexplicable behavior? If so, what did you do?

 

Here is my story. I still shudder to this day.

 

The Sponge.

 

We had a couple over with their kiddos, ages 2 (dd) and new (ds). The mom and I were in the kitchen talking and the little dd wandered in. Her nose was running....not the clear drippy running, but the thick, yellow, waxy-from-her-nose-to-her-mouth glob kind of runny. I did not notice her nose....until....as the little child walked by, the mom must have noticed the child's plethora of mucus. She picked up my kitchen sponge, resting on the edge of the sink, and without a pause - in one clean sweep - she took that sponge, wiped the huge dripping thing from her dd's face, and plopped that sponge back on the counter.

 

And my reaction?

 

I sort of screamed. It was involuntary, I assure you. But I was just so. freaked. out. The item was still visibly present on the sponge.

 

I tried to regain my composure, and I asked her if she'd mind throwing the sponge into the trash. She was astounded. She looked at me like I had three heads. She said, "You mean, you don't use the sponge?"

 

Oh. My. Word.

 

Ria (who is literally cringing as I type this)

 

Honestly girl, where do you meet these people?

[KidsHappen]

I am about seven months pregnant with baby #4. I had just moved home from overseas. My mother was getting older so I asked her to come live with me and help with my first homebirth. My youngest brother still lived at home and he came with. I invited him as well and wouldn't have had it any other way. Not a week after they arrived, my oldest brother showed up with his wife and three kids. Not a one of them had a job or any money. So we have six adults and five children living in a very small three bedroom house and my dh is the only one with a job and I am getting ready to have my first homebirth. So I am already not happy that my brother and his whole family show up to live with me uninvited. The tension is very high. My oldest brother is not very bright, I swear my mother must have dropped this poor boy on his head, and he had his wife beat by a long shot. Anyhow, their son, probably five at the time, peed all over my bathroom floor. I told his mother and she said, "What do you want me to do about it?" Oh, I don't know, clean it up? No kidding she says to me, "How am I supposed to do that?" So I gave her detailed instruction of how to do this and then she asked what she was supposed to use to do it. At which point I told her that if she didn't figure it out I was going to use her hair. And then when my hubby got home from work, we drove my brother and his whole family down to the bus station, put them on a bus and sent them home. I am not normally that hot tempered but my patience wanes when I am pregnant and stressed.

[katemary63]

How about this one.

 

It was Thanksgiving and my xsil was visiting. Now, my dd was born Dec. 10 this year, and I was hosting Thanksgiving. My belly was bigger than the turkey.

 

SIL asked if there was "anything she could do". I asked her to peel hard boiled eggs for devilled eggs. She tried one, it didn't peel easily, she went out back to smoke.

 

Nearly every 10 minutes or so, she was making a joke about snot or farts. This from a 40+ woman. Seeing the look on my face, she said "Well, I have 2 boys and they are like that."

 

We used to host a mix of people. I put the turkey in the middle of the mixed crowd of 20 or so, sit down, we say grace.

 

I am serving the turkey and she says "So, have you lost your mucous plug yet?"

 

Now, I am very "earthy" and authentic, and real. But I have *some* sense of time and place. Fortunately, several of the men at the table had no clue what she asked.

 

That's just plain disgusting!

 

We had a family "friend" ( more like a hang-a-round) that was a compulsive lier/ tall tale teller. I put up with him for a while and then finally said, "Chris, I just can't take your lying anymore. You are still welcome here anytime. But the minutes you lie, I will escort you to the door. You can not come in my house anymore and spout lies." He just went on talking....

Next visit, the first lie out of his mouth, I helped him out of the house with a firm grip on his arm. I smiled and said, "See you later Chris. You can try again tomorrow!" and closed the door. He kept repeating his lies as he got in his car and drove away. He came over about 3 more times and we repeated this same scenerio. Eventually, he stopped coming over. ;)

[newlifemom]

My oldest brother is not very bright, I swear my mother must have dropped this poor boy on his head, and he had his wife beat by a long shot. Anyhow, their son, probably five at the time, peed all over my bathroom floor. I told his mother and she said, "What do you want me to do about it?" Oh, I don't know, clean it up? No kidding she says to me, "How am I supposed to do that?" So I gave her detailed instruction of how to do this and then she asked what she was supposed to use to do it. At which point I told her that if she didn't figure it out I was going to use her hair. And then when my hubby got home from work, we drove my brother and his whole family down to the bus station, put them on a bus and sent them home. I am not normally that hot tempered but my patience wanes when I am pregnant and stressed.

 

That is wrong on just so many levels.

[The Governess]

Eeeeeeeeeew!!! I despise kitchen sponges. I can't imagine getting one close enough to my face to wipe my nose with it. I'm not sure what's worse: the fact that she expected you would want to use it again after she wiped her nose with it, or the fact that she thought it was ok to wipe her nose with what is probably the germiest item that can be found in a kitchen. What if you had used it to wipe some raw chicken juice off the counter or something??

 

Blech.

[jedbel]

Eeeeeeeeeew!!! I despise kitchen sponges. I can't imagine getting one close enough to my face to wipe my nose with it. I'm not sure what's worse: the fact that she expected you would want to use it again after she wiped her nose with it, or the fact that she thought it was ok to wipe her nose with what is probably the germiest item that can be found in a kitchen. What if you had used it to wipe some raw chicken juice off the counter or something??

 

Blech.

 

:iagree:

I would of screamed too! So gross.....:tongue_smilie:

[Anne Rittenhouse]

Since my take on the original, original post has caused a firestorm of opinions. I'll take a stab at commenting on Ria's situation.

 

Dear Ria,

This is not meant as a critizism of your handling the situation. You did fine for most part, and, yes, your guest displayed horrendous manners. Her first faux pas was bringing the snott dripping child into your home in the first place.

 

However, at Anne's house....Anne wouldn't have screamed or she would have stiffled her involuntary scream with a cough, hiccup, or sneeze. She would have looked the other way at the sponge lying on the counter and gone on with her visit. Should the child have needed another wipe I would have good naturedly handed the mother the sponge again. (After all, we want to keep the mess contained to one spot.)

 

After the visit was over and the front door safety closed and latched....I would have run for the bleach....dropped the sponge into the trash....and proceeded to disinfect every surface available.

 

In the event of another visit, all kitchen linens and such would be safety removed from sight and a discrete decorative box of disposiable tissues would be in every room. More than likely I would try to suggest neutral territory for our next meeting, like the park.

 

So let the games begin... believe me I had no intention of starting the first firestorm and I have no intention of starting another....but there does seem to be quite a bit of defensiveness and objection to my opinions on the expected behavior of a host in my house...these are my expectations of myself...the only person I can change...I cannot change other people's behavior only my reaction to it....

 

..I'm sorry Ria since you were the first poster with the first situation, you were the unlucky girl to be the subject of my objections. I think it wouldn't do to comment on each and every post that follows but only to make a broad generalization that extremely bad manners are being showcased on all sides.

 

Have a pleasant day ladies....Ria if you are upset that I have made specific example of your situation I invite you to PM me and we can communicate privately.

Edited March 6, 2009 by Anne Rittenhouse
psellin' and gammar and functuation

[Ria]

Since my take on the original, original post has caused a firestorm of opinions. I'll take a stab at commenting on Ria's situation.

 

Dear Ria,

This is not meant as a critizism of your handling the situation. You did fine for most part, and, yes, your guest displayed horrendous manners. Her first faux pas was bringing the snott dripping child into your home in the first place.

 

However, at Anne's house....Anne wouldn't have screamed or she would have stiffled her involuntary scream with a cough, hiccup, or sneeze. She would have looked the other way at the sponge lying on the counter and gone on with her visit. Should the child have needed another wipe I would have good naturedly handed the mother the sponge again. (After all, we want to keep the mess contained to one spot.)

 

After the visit was over and the front door safety closed and latched....I would have run for the bleach....dropped the sponge into the trash....and proceeded to disinfect every surface available.

 

In the event of another visit, all kitchen linens and such would be safety removed from sight and a discrete decorative box of disposiable tissues would be in every room. More than likely I would try to suggest neutral territory for our next meeting, like the park.

 

So let the games begin... believe me I had no intention of starting the first firestorm and I have no intention of starting another....but there does seem to be quite a bit of defensiveness and objection to my opinions on the expected behavior of a host in my house...these are my expectations of myself...the only person I can change...I cannot change other people's behavior only my reaction to it....

 

..I'm sorry Ria since you were the first poster with the first situation, you were the unlucky girl to be the subject of my objections. I think it wouldn't do to comment on each and every post that follows but only to make a broad generalization that extremely bad manners are being showcased on all sides.

 

Have a pleasant day ladies....Ria if you are upset that I have made specific example of your situation I invite you to PM me and we can communicate privately.

 

Nah, it would take more than your post to upset me, but thanks for your concern in that regard. In this particular case there was much more of a history than I explained; suffice it to say that the outcome was just fine with me.

 

Had it been someone else, under different circumstances, I have no doubt that I would have reacted much like you suggested, or at least tried to.

 

Ria

[Laura Corin]

That's truly grosse, but it's also equally (maybe more?) disgusting that she would use a dirty sponge to wipe her child's face with???!!!

 

I didn't like it, but had not idea that there was an alternative. It didn't occur to me until years later to think what a weird idea that was. She didn't use it for my nose though.

 

Laura

[Kim in Appalachia]

I am about seven months pregnant with baby #4. I had just moved home from overseas. My mother was getting older so I asked her to come live with me and help with my first homebirth. My youngest brother still lived at home and he came with. I invited him as well and wouldn't have had it any other way. Not a week after they arrived, my oldest brother showed up with his wife and three kids. Not a one of them had a job or any money. So we have six adults and five children living in a very small three bedroom house and my dh is the only one with a job and I am getting ready to have my first homebirth. So I am already not happy that my brother and his whole family show up to live with me uninvited. The tension is very high. My oldest brother is not very bright, I swear my mother must have dropped this poor boy on his head, and he had his wife beat by a long shot. Anyhow, their son, probably five at the time, peed all over my bathroom floor. I told his mother and she said, "What do you want me to do about it?" Oh, I don't know, clean it up? No kidding she says to me, "How am I supposed to do that?" So I gave her detailed instruction of how to do this and then she asked what she was supposed to use to do it. At which point I told her that if she didn't figure it out I was going to use her hair. And then when my hubby got home from work, we drove my brother and his whole family down to the bus station, put them on a bus and sent them home. I am not normally that hot tempered but my patience wanes when I am pregnant and stressed.

 

:lol:

 

I'm only laughing because I have relatives like your SIL. I can so imagine them being the exact same way.

 

You were very patient! I believe I would have just started screaming, "Get out!" along with some very, not so nice words.

[KLynnTX]

One of the ongoing jokes in our family, is quoting this...."Grab the dishrag, Florence, and wipe that young uns nose, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's nastiness!!!" Said in your most backwoods hillbilly accent!!!

 

 

I didn't know it was something that frequently happened!!!! :-)

[KLynnTX]

.

Edited March 8, 2009 by KLynnTX
double post

[Peek a Boo]

Wow. You know, I'm not really concerned about germs that much. My standards in that area are pretty low, particularly compared to many here. But that story made even me a little nauseous. Did she even realize what she'd done after she threw out the sponge, or say anything about it later? Ugh, I'm seriously a little grossed now.

 

:iagree:

 

I don't think that I'd consider it *rude* so much as........informative....for if we were ever invited to their house ;)

 

I'd also make sure sponges were PUT AWAY when they came over --if she does it as a matter of routine at their house, she likely won't remember that it freaked another person out, lol.

[Audrey]

Rudest person ever in my house: our former mayor. She is the kind of person to whom brand names labels are a religion.

 

She came to my house for a gathering and kept commenting about how "cute" my decor is, and would always follow-up with the brand name label on her comparable furnishings. I was trying to be polite and play the hostess.

 

But, at one point, my dh, who is quite shy, hates crowds and NEVER says more than 2 or 3 words in a social setting, had finally had enough. He told her if she didn't like sitting on our Sears couch, she could leave and not let the Co-op special door hit her fake Chanel wrapped fanny on the way out.

[Tracey in TX]

blech! Woman lacks a certain amount of common sense, social decorum, and 21st century cleanliness skills. Other that that, maybe it's a signal to take out stock in kitchen supplies?

 

eww, icky! btw, I gasped as I read the original post. Then laughed when you said you screamed (just a little). :lol: We feel for you.

We don't invite my FIL to our home. He's an awful man with atrocious habits. And believes it's acceptable to insult me, my home, and our children--oh, and how horribly his own, grown son (my DH) has turned out--among his other more offensive idiosyncrasies. My castle, my retreat. Those who create havoc don't need to enter beyond the imaginary moat to our domain.

[MamaSheep]

I think I'll leave individual cases alone and just address the general question raised here, which is what do you do when the behavior of a visitor in your home does not conform to your idea of appropriate behavior.

 

For starters, I think it is important to distinguish between intentional rudeness and cultural differences. I think most of us realize that the definition of "good manners" is vastly different from one culture to another. But I think that we forget sometimes that a person doesn't have to be from another country, or have a different skin color in order to come from a different cultural background with different social and behavioral expectations. Cultures can vary widely from one region to another in the same country, from one religion to another, from one socio-economic level to another, even from one family to another family. We all tend to behave within the general guidelines of expected behavior within our own personal and family culture; we don't think about it, it's just how "people" behave in our experience, so that's what we do. I think it's unreasonable to expect EVERYONE with whom we come into contact to have cultural expectations identical to our own. They will do some things we find odd or startling, even disgusting. WE will do some things THEY will find odd or startling, even disgusting. When that happens it is not usually, in my opinion, a matter of who has "good" manners and who has "bad" manners, it's just a question of what do we do when we have "different" manners.

 

In a group setting where the majority of the people in the group share the same cultural assumptions and expectations (such as in a home), it is easy to view a person who behaves in a manner different from the "norm" as being "rude" when they really just have a different set of assumptions and expectations.

 

In my opinion, both a guest and a host have some responsibility to make the interaction a positive experience. The guest should not intentionally do anything that would offend the host, and the host should do everything possible to make the guest feel welcome and comfortable, INCLUDING handling any cultural differences with grace and respect (and you probably have more differences in assumptions and expectations than you realize). It is unkind (to put it nicely) to invite someone to leave their own familiar culture and to enter your unfamiliar (to them) culture, only to mock, ridicule, belittle, scorn, or be shocked by behavior they have no way of knowing doesn't fit in your set of cultural expectations.

 

If the guest intentionally and with malice aforethought, as they say, does something that the guest KNOWS for sure will be offensive to the host in some way, because the guest is TRYING to offend the host, that's rude, and I'd probably calmly ask the person to leave. But if the guest is just behaving according to their own cultural norms, and it doesn't happen to coincide with the host's idea of cultural norms, it is rude of the host to make a big deal out of it. Often the best way to handle such a situation is for the host to just accept that this is a cultural difference and overlook it. If overlooking the behavior will cause problems for the guest in the future or with other members of the group, it might be kind to DISCREETLY take the person aside and IN PRIVATE offer a tactful and non-judgmental explanation of what the norm is in the host's culture, being sensitive to the guest's culture and background, so that the guest can make informed choices about behavior in the group rather than blindly blundering on, offending people without knowing why. Think how you'd want YOUR host to react if YOU were the guest who inadvertently did something the host thought was uncouth, unsanitary, or otherwise offensive. Think how you'd feel if you did something you ALWAYS do and your host reacted that way. In other words, treat others as kindly, sensitively, and tolerantly as YOU'd want to be treated. When someone is visiting in your home, do you want them to feel comfortable and welcome, or do you want them to feel always on pins and needles worrying they're going to inadvertently do something you'll scoff at?

 

I think we're all friends here, so I hope you will be understanding if I also mention that in my own culture, as in many others, it is considered inappropriate to single out someone else's embarrassing mistake or social awkwardness and to talk about it with other people in a manner that exposes that person to ridicule or condemnation.

[MrsMe]

Oh my! That's the grossest thing I've ever heard! I can guarantee you I'd never go to her house and eat a thing!

[dhudson]

We once were in a situation where we were in a group of friends and one was behaving rudely and was fairly insulting to everyone present. My son who was two and the only child present turned to the lady and said, "You need a time out. You be nice!" As a parent, I rushed my son out of the room to explain that we don't discipline adults but as we left the room another of the ladies said, "You know, Connor was right, you do need a time out.". Laughter erupted in the room and the rude women sheepishly apologized. It was one of my very favorite moments and I wish I had the nerve to tell adults to go and have time out as easily as I tell kids.

[jamnkats]

I think I'll leave individual cases alone and just address the general question raised here, which is what do you do when the behavior of a visitor in your home does not conform to your idea of appropriate behavior.

 

For starters, I think it is important to distinguish between intentional rudeness and cultural differences. I think most of us realize that the definition of "good manners" is vastly different from one culture to another. But I think that we forget sometimes that a person doesn't have to be from another country, or have a different skin color in order to come from a different cultural background with different social and behavioral expectations. Cultures can vary widely from one region to another in the same country, from one religion to another, from one socio-economic level to another, even from one family to another family. We all tend to behave within the general guidelines of expected behavior within our own personal and family culture; we don't think about it, it's just how "people" behave in our experience, so that's what we do. I think it's unreasonable to expect EVERYONE with whom we come into contact to have cultural expectations identical to our own. They will do some things we find odd or startling, even disgusting. WE will do some things THEY will find odd or startling, even disgusting. When that happens it is not usually, in my opinion, a matter of who has "good" manners and who has "bad" manners, it's just a question of what do we do when we have "different" manners.

 

In a group setting where the majority of the people in the group share the same cultural assumptions and expectations (such as in a home), it is easy to view a person who behaves in a manner different from the "norm" as being "rude" when they really just have a different set of assumptions and expectations.

 

In my opinion, both a guest and a host have some responsibility to make the interaction a positive experience. The guest should not intentionally do anything that would offend the host, and the host should do everything possible to make the guest feel welcome and comfortable, INCLUDING handling any cultural differences with grace and respect (and you probably have more differences in assumptions and expectations than you realize). It is unkind (to put it nicely) to invite someone to leave their own familiar culture and to enter your unfamiliar (to them) culture, only to mock, ridicule, belittle, scorn, or be shocked by behavior they have no way of knowing doesn't fit in your set of cultural expectations.

 

If the guest intentionally and with malice aforethought, as they say, does something that the guest KNOWS for sure will be offensive to the host in some way, because the guest is TRYING to offend the host, that's rude, and I'd probably calmly ask the person to leave. But if the guest is just behaving according to their own cultural norms, and it doesn't happen to coincide with the host's idea of cultural norms, it is rude of the host to make a big deal out of it. Often the best way to handle such a situation is for the host to just accept that this is a cultural difference and overlook it. If overlooking the behavior will cause problems for the guest in the future or with other members of the group, it might be kind to DISCREETLY take the person aside and IN PRIVATE offer a tactful and non-judgmental explanation of what the norm is in the host's culture, being sensitive to the guest's culture and background, so that the guest can make informed choices about behavior in the group rather than blindly blundering on, offending people without knowing why. Think how you'd want YOUR host to react if YOU were the guest who inadvertently did something the host thought was uncouth, unsanitary, or otherwise offensive. Think how you'd feel if you did something you ALWAYS do and your host reacted that way. In other words, treat others as kindly, sensitively, and tolerantly as YOU'd want to be treated. When someone is visiting in your home, do you want them to feel comfortable and welcome, or do you want them to feel always on pins and needles worrying they're going to inadvertently do something you'll scoff at?

 

I think we're all friends here, so I hope you will be understanding if I also mention that in my own culture, as in many others, it is considered inappropriate to single out someone else's embarrassing mistake or social awkwardness and to talk about it with other people in a manner that exposes that person to ridicule or condemnation.

 

Yes! What a beautiful post! Consider yourself with a greenie. :)

[FlockOfSillies]

I'm sorry. Every time I see the word "culture" in your post I think of all the cultures growing on Ria's sponge... :smilielol5:I'm such a goofball. It's after midnight and I'm in tears.

[FlockOfSillies]

You should invite her back, and put out an entire Kleenex dispenser-top box full of green rectangular scrubbing pads just for her to use. Gotta make the guests feel at home.

[ereks mom]

Um, I would not EVER want to visit this persons home, EVER. Eeeewwwww. Blech. Yuck. I'd think every surface was contaminated with something.

 

Ugh!!!

[Murphy101]

surely there is a middle ground between Hyancith Bucket (pronounced bouquet for those not in the know;)) and Peg Bundy?

 

I wouldn't want anyone in my home to be on pins and needles scared to even pick up their coffee cup.

 

I also wouldn't want anyone in my home to be so disgusting that I am uncomfortable or insulted in my own house either.

 

Shouldn't the visit be pleasant for everyone?

 

Guess that's why I'm more like Kitty Foreman.:D