Generally speaking, is it bad manners to tell someone about a dream?

[Ginevra]

I don’t mean to summarize a dream, but to tell the story of a dream? I read an article that talked about how, recounting a dream is not very interesting to the listener. It made me wonder if recounting dreams (at least, in story form) could be considered boring your conversation partner. What do you think? 

[scholastica]

My family members have really interesting dreams and I love hearing about them. In general, I love hearing about anyone’s dreams. I find them fascinating.

Edited September 30, 2023 by scholastica

[fraidycat]

Well, I don't know if it's bad manners but I DO find them incredibly boring.

Is it bad manners to be a boring conversationalist? I don't tell dream stories, but my topics aren't necessarily entertaining and awe-inspiring to everyone, either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited September 30, 2023 by fraidycat

[Ginevra]

Just now, fraidycat said:

Well, I don't know if it's bad manners but I DO find them incredibly boring.

Is it bad manners to be a boring conversationalist?

Maybe, if you realize and could change tactics. 
 

I did recount a dream to a group of people recently and I started to become aware that a few people looked like, “Summarize! Please be done with it!” At which point I wrapped it up. 
 

It could probably be considered bad manners to continue if the vibe you’re getting is that. 

[Grace Hopper]

I might give them the 30second elevator speech and if they seem interested or ask questions, then it’s not rude to tell more. 
 

I would not share any dream that put that other listener in a bad light, or if I thought that listener would go on to share my dream. People may say I’m wrong but I consider dreams intellectual property. 
 

But really, it seems that while my dreams linger in my mind’s eye, as soon as I start to tell someone it seems to fall apart. I just can’t put the dream story into verbal expression (I can write it down, just not successfully tell it aloud with satisfying detail).

[fraidycat]

1 minute ago, Ginevra said:

Maybe, if you realize and could change tactics. 
 

I did recount a dream to a group of people recently and I started to become aware that a few people looked like, “Summarize! Please be done with it!” At which point I wrapped it up. 
 

It could probably be considered bad manners to continue if the vibe you’re getting is that. 

It is bad manners to hold conversation partners hostage in a long, drawn out tale of any kind, if they are not willing partcipants that want the long version. I will agree with that. 
 

Start short and expand if asked.

[katilac]

I think it's poor conversation versus bad manners. 

Summarizing is the way to go. Almost no one wants to hear the story of a dream. 

[Katy]

No, unless you know the person hates the topic and/or the dream is insulting to the listener. Though I do know of one exception. 

In college I once frustrated a “friend” by letting the (closeted gay) man she had a huge crush on borrow a pen in church. He liked it and asked me about it and if I was an artist. She retaliated by telling my boyfriend’s parents that she had a prophetic dream I was going to get pregnant to trap him into marriage. That was very rude. 

[Ting Tang]

I don't enjoy listening to people's stories about their dreams, so I do not tell them very often, lol.

[scholastica]

7 minutes ago, Katy said:

No, unless you know the person hates the topic and/or the dream is insulting to the listener. Though I do know of one exception. 

In college I once frustrated a “friend” by letting the (closeted gay) man she had a huge crush on borrow a pen in church. He liked it and asked me about it and if I was an artist. She retaliated by telling my boyfriend’s parents that she had a prophetic dream I was going to get pregnant to trap him into marriage. That was very rude. 

That’s not rude, that’s insane.

[MercyA]

Years ago DD had an American Girl book on manners. It specifically said not to tell other people about dreams, as most people do not find them interesting. DD never did take the advice. 😉 

If a dream is especially funny or poignant, a very short summary can be in order. 

[Katy]

8 minutes ago, scholastica said:

That’s not rude, that’s insane.

Well she wasn’t my friend after that.  And that was pretty close to the end of my attending charismatic leaning churches. 

[EKS]

I would agree that a blow by blow description of a dream is not interesting to the listener.  If I ever say anything about a dream at all, it will be one or two sentences on key aspects that are relevant to the listener somehow.

[teachermom2834]

If it is super funny or applicable to a situation then one or two sentences. Like “oh I dreamed Brad Pitt was my pizza delivery guy last night” is ok if you then move on. Or I will say I had the get on the school bus naked dream again or something like that. So one sentence I think is okay. Telling the dream like you are retelling a story of something that really did happen? That’s a big no-no I think. No one wants to hear a totally random story that didn’t really happen. The times I have been on the receiving end of that I have found it really annoying. 

[SKL]

I think it depends on the dream!

Usually, even a vivid dream is hard to explain compellingly, because dreams usually don't make any sense to people who are awake.  😛  It's like telling a joke but you forgot the punch line.

But I don't think it's bad manners to very briefly tell the concept of a dream, for some reason other than "wow you have to know how amazingly I dream."  Like, I have had a variety of dreams where I basically save the world by figuring out how a flying machine works, fixing it, and getting people to safety.  I like to think it means something about myself.  I've had a few other dreams that happened at specific times that made me wonder if they were symbolic.  I might tell a close person, if I could remember the dream well enough.

[Indigo Blue]

Well, I usually just tell Dh or the boys if it’s unusually funny or odd. And my dreams usually are. Remember, I dreamed that Ginevra and I were at my old work place near the cafeteria and were going to walk down the long, long hall to my department where one of the Harry Potter movie actors was visiting, and Ginevra was beside herself with excitement. Isn’t that funny and interesting?? 😂😝 I thought so!!

 

What really boggles my mind is that men friends of Dh will stand with baited breath hanging onto his every word of a loooooooooong, drawn out story about plumbing. And if I try to tell someone something truly funny but concise, I will get that “wrap it up vibe”. 🤷‍♀️

 

You know, people seem to have very short attention spans (except for the guys listening to my husband’s boring plumbing stories). Maybe THEY are the ones being rude. I mean, if you constantly feel like you’re having to rush through what you want to communicate, maybe that should indicate that people should be more patient and willing to listen to what you want to say. Maybe they are the ones being impatient and rude. It’s not like you are droning on about your medical issues. You were telling about a funny dream. That’s not rude. So there. 😝

[AmandaVT]

I have the most boring dreams ever, so I think I'd lose any friendships I had if I told them. I will often dream about going through an entire day of work or going grocery shopping. The worst is when you have what feels like an 8 hour work dream just to wake up and realize you have to go live it! 

[Indigo Blue]

Really, though, IRL, I have learned to never say more than two or three sentences at a time. People just don’t have the patience for more than that. I only drone on to certain people, and sometimes here. 

[Kassia]

I have crazy intense dreams but I only share them with DH (who seems to like hearing them) and my description is short.

I do have a FB friend who posts her dreams frequently and they are LONG.  I just scroll on but other people seem to read and enjoy them?  She posts a lot of weird stuff on FB that people seem to love but I don't understand why.  

 

 

[marbel]

It depends on the dream and the relationship. One of my kids has always had a lot of intense dreams. When they were 8 years old I would listen carefully. At age 20+, no thanks. 

I don't generally want to hear about someone's dream unless, as others have said, the story is very short and funny/relatable. 

The worst dream story I ever heard was when someone told me they dreamed I'd died. Like, thanks for telling me? I mean, I have had dreams of people dying, but I would never, well, dream, of telling them that. 

[KungFuPanda]

I think it’s bad manners to not let a friend talk about what interests them. Besides, you won’t know if the dream is interesting or not until you hear it. Saying all dreams are boring is like saying all books are boring. People need to stretch their imagination a bit. 
 

I do think it’s the storyteller’s obligation to monitor social cues and tell the abridged version if the audience isn’t enthralled.  I accept that not everyone has the social skills to pick up on these cues so I do try to offer these people some grace and be attentive as possible.  Sometimes the boring parts are just a lull before the good parts, so it can pay off to be a patient listener. 

[Ginevra]

56 minutes ago, AmandaVT said:

I have the most boring dreams ever, so I think I'd lose any friendships I had if I told them. I will often dream about going through an entire day of work or going grocery shopping. The worst is when you have what feels like an 8 hour work dream just to wake up and realize you have to go live it! 

Lol, I have totally had dreams like that! And then I am disappointed when I wake up and the work still exists.

[Katy]

I tend to have vivid dreams like a movie but with one or two completely absurd elements. 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I remember reading once that people find three things particularly unfascinating, no matter how fascinating it is to the storyteller:

1. Other people's dreams

2. Other people's travels

3. Other people's grandchildren

But of course you need to read the room. 

[Brittany1116]

My mom and I often tell eachother our dreams, but rarely anyone else. Know your audience I guess. 

[Laura Corin]

I think it's fine to say, 'Last night I dreamed that Pikachu wanted me to teach him to knit.' But anything longer than a sentence is just poor conversation. 

[Ginevra]

25 minutes ago, chocolate-chip chooky said:

I remember reading once that people find three things particularly unfascinating, no matter how fascinating it is to the storyteller:

1. Other people's dreams

2. Other people's travels

3. Other people's grandchildren

But of course you need to read the room. 

I would also say “Other people’s children”. There was one particular person I know who was notorious for endlessly going on about her kids’ busy schedules and how many zillions of miles she put on her minivan. She eventually either realized other people don’t find this interesting or else she just mellowed with age. She doesn’t tend to do that about her grandkids but when her kids were young…whooo-boy! 

[Melissa Louise]

38 minutes ago, chocolate-chip chooky said:

I remember reading once that people find three things particularly unfascinating, no matter how fascinating it is to the storyteller:

1. Other people's dreams

2. Other people's travels

3. Other people's grandchildren

But of course you need to read the room. 

I love two out of the three! 

Anyone desperate to talk about your dreams or your travels, hit me up.

 

 

[Grace Hopper]

1 hour ago, chocolate-chip chooky said:

I remember reading once that people find three things particularly unfascinating, no matter how fascinating it is to the storyteller:

1. Other people's dreams

2. Other people's travels

3. Other people's grandchildren

But of course you need to read the room. 

I can see these topics as nonstarters unless someone specifically asks. Then keep it brief. 

[DeainUSA]

YES!  Dreams and birth stories (except a new mom).  Bore me to tears.

[Melissa Louise]

Thought about this some more - in general, it's bad manners to ignore the cues coming from one's conversational partner. 

You, for example, might find your renovations fascinating, but I may not. If I have a glazed look about me after five minutes of hearing about your tile-choosing problems*, perhaps it is time to change the topic? 

In a close relationship, there's probably more leeway to go on about whatever it is that one finds remarkable. 

However, I don't think there are universals.

Do you really think if you met a Jungian at a party, she or he would find dreams the dullest of topics?

I also notice very confident people just charge on ahead with whatever they find interesting, and if they are not complete narcissists, they often make the banal intriguing. So sometimes it's all in the conviction and the delivery, and not so much in the content.

I think it's very silly to have rules about these things.

*Real story

 

[Scarlett]

There are some people I tell my entire dream to.My dreams are very entertaining though. My boss’ dd that I help homeschool is 10 and hers are amazing as well.  We often trade dream stories. 

I dreamed my best friends first husband left his affair wife to come back to my friend.  He was like 30 in the dream…I hugged him and kissed him on the neck and said, ‘welcome home.’  (As if ever in one million years she would take him back or that I would be so warm or that none of us would be thinking it was bad for him to leave his wife for my friend).

I will be telling my friend all of that dream when she gets back in the country.  We will laugh and laugh.  

[popmom]

okay...I didn't read all the responses, but...

Andrew Huberman's podcasts lately have been all about sleep. I can't remember the details, but there was a segment where he talked about sometimes people have dreams and they are so impactful that the dreamer feels compelled to talk about them to help themselves process what they have dreamed. So it's not just ANY dream...there are some dreams that provoke this need to tell someone about it. It has to do with dreams during REM as a way of processing difficult things...etc. I wish I could remember more details. It wasn't what I was most interested in at the moment. 

eta: if someone who doesn't normally run on with boring things suddenly needs to tell you about a dream they had...maybe indulge them for a few minutes. 🙂

Forgive the run on sentence! lol

Edited October 1, 2023 by popmom

[popmom]

5 hours ago, Brittany1116 said:

My mom and I often tell eachother our dreams, but rarely anyone else. Know your audience I guess. 

yes! know your audience and the one I always use is "read the room". lol

Edited October 1, 2023 by popmom

[bookbard]

I always remember a murder mystery where a girl came to breakfast to tell about this weird dream she'd had, and the mother told her repressively it was bad to share dreams. Of course, the 'dream' was actually the murder that she'd witnessed . . .

[KungFuPanda]

When I’m fortunate enough to dream about my son I absolutely share it. It’s not boring. It’s poignant. 

[Shoeless]

I have never thought about this before? 

I mean, it's rude to blather on about any topic the other person finds boring. 

That being said, I would probably only tell someone about a dream if they were in it and it was funny. Otherwise, I can't imagine them caring about my dream at all. 

 

[Ginevra]

35 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

When I’m fortunate enough to dream about my son I absolutely share it. It’s not boring. It’s poignant. 

I would listen to that tale no matter how many hours you wanted to share it. 💜

[HS Mom in NC]

Keep it to 2-3 sentences maximum and see if someone is enthusiastically asking to know more before launching into details. I wouldn't say read the room if by it you mean someone is interested if they say things that aren't obvious negative signals.  If it's mild ohs and mmm hmms and raised eyebrows and polite  smiles, you're probably as likely to be talking to someone with some mild interest for more as talking to someone who has been told that it's mean or rude to not show mild interest even if they're not interested.  Unless someone is explicitly stating they really want to know more about the details, don't get into it.

[katilac]

10 hours ago, HS Mom in NC said:

Keep it to 2-3 sentences maximum and see if someone is enthusiastically asking to know more before launching into details. I wouldn't say read the room if by it you mean someone is interested if they say things that aren't obvious negative signals.  If it's mild ohs and mmm hmms and raised eyebrows and polite  smiles, you're probably as likely to be talking to someone with some mild interest for more as talking to someone who has been told that it's mean or rude to not show mild interest even if they're not interested.  Unless someone is explicitly stating they really want to know more about the details, don't get into it.

Read the room covers all the things. 

[DeainUSA]

12 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

When I’m fortunate enough to dream about my son I absolutely share it. It’s not boring. It’s poignant. 

I can only imagine and completely agree with you. That's why the "generally speaking" was a key part of the context of my answer and I should have added that.