Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 (edited) Do I match the image you have of me in your head? Edited September 1, 2023 by Drama Llama Good hair day 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Oh, that is sad and frustrating. I wish I could fix it for you. I have recently realized that I need to step out if the box and reimagine what it looks like for my kids to be connected to my mom. Maybe after the first flush of frustration is done, you can work out some rhythms. The would probably need to be more scheduled than organic—but still would have value for the boys. Hockey games at your house? Could FIL be the supervisor of garage puttering? Dinner with the men at your house once a week? Im just throwing those out there—but of course it’s not what you imagined and I am so sad for your bc of all you’ve gone through and how she always seems to mess things up for you. I hope that the family can heal. Maybe this will edge her toward getting some help. Maybe it will be better for her little ones. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Hugs, that really sucks. The only solution to that is to have fil and Pop over at your house for dinner and to spend time with the boys as much as they are able. I'm sure they understand why you and the boys can not be around sil 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 3 minutes ago, hjffkj said: Hugs, that really sucks. The only solution to that is to have fil and Pop over at your house for dinner and to spend time with the boys as much as they are able. I'm sure they understand why you and the boys can not be around sil Yes, could this work? Just always have them at your place instead? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 I am sorry, esp that it adds more to your already emotional transition. Can you somehow disconnect the two for a bit? The situation with your SIL and BIL may change dramatically between now and when you move. Hugs. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clemsondana Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 That stinks. Once everybody is settled, maybe you can figure out a schedule for when she and her kids are elsewhere? It won't be impromptu, but maybe could be part of an established routine once she is set in her routine? And I agree that they can sometimes come to your house. This may not be permanent, either - perhaps she reconciles, or decides that she'd rather move in with a roommate. But I hate that you're dealing with this, too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishes Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 took me a few times reviewing past info. SIL is related to your FIL and Pop, so she will be there all the time? I was thinking it was BIL related to FIL and Pop. Sorry, it sounds like your FIL is going to have hands full with both of his adult children having mental health crises. But definitely invite them over. Maybe wait for awhile before trying to move? SiL might decide she needs to leave the area too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Wow, she got exactly what she wanted, didn’t she? I would not say it’s worse for kids. Sigh. I think the only thing to do is invite just the people you want over on a regular basis. Especially when her kids are with their dad. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 And if she complains about not being invited, play up the "my kids need male figures in their lives". She's not male, thus not needed. Hopefully, she can see it that way too. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 20 minutes ago, stephanier.1765 said: And if she complains about not being invited, play up the "my kids need male figures in their lives". She's not male, thus not needed. Hopefully, she can see it that way too. She won’t 🙄 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Ugh, can I just say I am not surprised at all that their marriage isn't going well given what we've heard about that family's dynamic and situation. But I am really sorry that bumps you and your kids. Again. I hope you can find ways to connect to the father figures perhaps in your space without her involved. Crossing fingers with your spouse away, there isn't as much of a reason to walk a fine line with someone who doesn't seem reasonable in any way. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 8 minutes ago, catz said: Ugh, can I just say I am not surprised at all that their marriage isn't going well given what we've heard about that family's dynamic and situation. But I am really sorry that bumps you and your kids. Again. I hope you can find ways to connect to the father figures perhaps in your space without her involved. Crossing fingers with your spouse away, there isn't as much of a reason to walk a fine line with someone who doesn't seem reasonable in any way. I'm pretty sure this SIL is B&H's husband's sister. So since they're involved in the life of her FIL and Pop, and the cousins are friends, their lives are still pretty intertwined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 7 minutes ago, Terabith said: I'm pretty sure this SIL is B&H's husband's sister. So since they're involved in the life of her FIL and Pop, and the cousins are friends, their lives are still pretty intertwined. Yes certainly. But there seemed to be particular need to keep the peace with the absent parent constantly communicating and involved with all parties day to day. Hoping B&H can find new and renewed ways to to step forward with the slightly new and different dynamics that may allow for better boundaries. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 2 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said: Hugs Right back at you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Oh @BandH, I'm sorry. Of course you are frustrated and sad! It finally looked like things were moving in a more stable direction, and this complicates it and adds stress to what you thought was going to be a less stressful situation. I hope that things smooth out quickly somehow, and that you and your boys are able to enjoy the elders' company without the stress. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 (edited) .Whine Edited September 1, 2023 by Drama Llama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 (edited) Whine Whine Edited September 1, 2023 by Drama Llama 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 Whine whine whine 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 I have a new name! Might as well own what I am! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danae Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 1 minute ago, Drama Llama said: I have a new name! Might as well own what I am! Cute avatar! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 You are being too hard on yourself. This is a hard change. I would think she’d need to find a job. Maybe you could work around that somehow. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 Just now, Danae said: Cute avatar! I was having a good hair day. 1 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Love the new avatar. She needs a job and an apartment of her own. Wait, maybe she has a job. Just an apartment, then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 I think I would probably brace myself for the fact that she will throw a hissy fit about being excluded from anything and your relatives will be put in the horrible situation of having to choose. And I hate that for you and your kids. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Well, I don't think you are a drama lama. I hope someone didn't tell you that because it's not true at all. 15 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Just now, Shoeless said: Well, I don't think you are a drama lama. I hope someone didn't tell you that because it's not true at all. I agree 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 14 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said: I think I would probably brace myself for the fact that she will throw a hissy fit about being excluded from anything and your relatives will be put in the horrible situation of having to choose. And I hate that for you and your kids. Nah, I wouldn't do that to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Missed the details, but seeing the credits naming the lead actress creating drama for you necessitates a virtual hug. I’m so sorry. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 11 minutes ago, kbutton said: Missed the details, but seeing the credits naming the lead actress creating drama for you necessitates a virtual hug. I’m so sorry. Ditto 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 27 minutes ago, Shoeless said: Well, I don't think you are a drama lama. I hope someone didn't tell you that because it's not true at all. I agree. Not one bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 1, 2023 Author Share Posted September 1, 2023 No one told me that I am a drama llama. I just find myself in the middle of drama all the time and I come here and whine. So here, I am a drama llama. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Will things be somewhat easier with your husband further away and your separation agreement finalized? Now you won't need to appease her to keep from upsetting your husband. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 1, 2023 Share Posted September 1, 2023 Everyone needs a safe place to share. You don’t have a lot of those places. It’s ok. I’ve never thought if you as a whiner or over dramatic. If anything you can be very pragmatic 😃 It’s the people around you who supply the drama and you go around trying to set up boundaries to calm it all down. Sometimes things are just hard. It’s ok to let out your emotions about it. Especially to we who “know” the history. Sheesh, some people are the ever ready bunnies of messing up good things for other people. SIL takes the cake for sure. I’d pit her against my person any day. Fortunately my person is finally out if our lives. May it be so for you and may you have patience and fortitude to grit your way through until it happens. 5 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 2, 2023 Author Share Posted September 2, 2023 43 minutes ago, Heartstrings said: Will things be somewhat easier with your husband further away and your separation agreement finalized? Now you won't need to appease her to keep from upsetting your husband. I dunno. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 The drama is not your fault, and it's healthy to talk about it. You're not a whiner--you're actually much braver than many people. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted September 2, 2023 Author Share Posted September 2, 2023 44 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said: The drama is not your fault, and it's healthy to talk about it. You're not a whiner--you're actually much braver than many people. You can be brave and a whiner. I'm not really either in real life, but someone could be both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 3 hours ago, Drama Llama said: Nah, I wouldn't do that to them. You would not I know. But some how certain people enjoy working situations so that they’re impossible for those around them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 Love the cute avatar, but you are the opposite of a drama llama! I'm so sorry for all the drama and crap that gets thrown at you, you have been almost supernaturally calm and patient and non-dramatic in dealing with way more stress, for much longer, than most people could handle. Sending hugs and positive thoughts that you and your boys will soon find the calm ad peace that you deserve. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 I love your avatar because it’s cute. I would think of a drama llama as someone who makes drama out of nothing whereas it feels like life just keeps throwing crap at you and you stay kind of level-headed through it all! Maybe you could be Macca the Alpaca with Marracas instead 😊 Plus alpacas are great to put with sheep because they have their head above the flock looking out and chase off the foxes protecting everyone. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 Love the avatar and the name is kinda catchy too even if you aren't the one causing the drama. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dianthus Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 I think it should be Llama Drama. Since you aren't the drama. I missed the original post but sorry for another hard time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 Now you are making me wonder if I should change mine to something like Soap opera Sally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 I don’t think you’re a drama llama, either! Although that is a very cute llama… 🦙 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 5 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said: Now you are making me wonder if I should change mine to something like Soap opera Sally Absolutely not! ((((Melissa)))) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted September 2, 2023 Share Posted September 2, 2023 15 hours ago, Drama Llama said: I have a new name! Might as well own what I am! I missed the original post, but I LOVE the new screen name and avatar. That llama is fresh from the salon and ready to deal with all the drama life can hand her. You are too. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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