I need to find my passion.... what is yours?

[Bootsie]

I have found it helpful to think about things I enjoyed as play as a child and rediscover some of those things.  I feel like I have lots of interests and activities I enjoy--but I still hear from my family, "You don't have any hobbies; we don't know what to give you..."  I enjoy playing bridge, taking adult ballet classes, travel, crochet, reading, cooking, gardening, doing volunteer work, and I am beginning to dabble in quilting.  Although there may not be any classes that are convenient, the internet makes it easy to access classes from home.  The ballet class that I take is offered on ZOOM.  I like to play face-to-face bridge, but when that isn't convenient, there are online bridge clubs.  You can take wine-tasting classes online, learn a foreign language online, the options are endless.

Sometime people may not enjoy a broad category--like gardening--but may really enjoy one particular area--like growing roses or heirloom tomatoes.  Or perhaps cooking is broad--but making homemade salsa or jam or perfecting a homemade ice cream recipe is enjoyable.  Perhaps some volunteer activities:  organizing the library's fundraiser, reading to elementary school children, organizing the local food pantry.  Some of my friend's hobbies/interests include film/movies, board games, volunteer receptionist at hospital, photography, china painting, making Christmas decorations, Renaissance festivals, scrapbooking, toy trains, swing dancing, and orchid growing.

[Ditto]

8 hours ago, WildflowerMom said:

You might be my twin, even down to the organizing.    I’ll be listening in and hoping you get some ideas!  

I am the triplet then (right down to the organizing).   I wish I could figure this out.   

[Ottakee]

if you are hard to buy for, are there any experiences you would like….museums, trips, restaurants, day spa, etc?

[marbel]

8 hours ago, kfeusse said:

maybe because organizing just doesn't seem as interesting as pipes,  grilling or craft beer.

Interesting to whom? I'll agree that organization does not lend itself to a lot of gift ideas, but it's no more or less compelling as a hobby/interest as pipes or grilling. 

So I reread the OP and your subsequent posts, and maybe I missed a clue (can happen!) but I can't figure out - are you feeling bored and and a new thing to do, or is this about feeling not-as-interesting and your husband and kids? And feeling cruddy because your family complains about not having gift ideas for you?

I cannot say I have any passions. I have a few hobbies or interests I indulge in. None of them, except reading, leads to gift ideas. 

I agree that offering to help people organize, starting a business if you want, could be a good outlet for you. Do you have any interest in fixing up old furniture? For some reason that seems related to organizing. Cute cabinets for storing things?

 

 

[ProudGrandma]

Wow...I woke up this morning to 19 new posts. Thank you for each and every one. 

I think part of my problem... as I ponder more...is a tinge of jealousy... wishing that my family had a pool of fun and interesting ideas in which to consider for gifts and just conversation.  Someone said it sounded like I was feeling left out too.... and I guess that is also right. 

I know I don't have to have a passion...but my sons both have passions that right now that is mostly all they think about... bowling for one and forging and knife making for the other.  They do have side interests too... but those are their true passions in life... like that what they are wanting to do for their life's career type passion. 

My husband has a wide variety of interests... many the boys share with him... like I stated in my original post. 

My daughter is just recently married and we don't share the love...or even like of anything really. (She is at that funny age where her parents are still pretty useless overall)... and the boys love spending time with their dad.... much of the time. 

So, yeah,  I guess I feel left out,  like I have no real place... nothing that makes the family go... "that's cool mom!"...

I just feel blah. 

Thanks for helping me work through this.  I guess I sort of feel like I am in a funk and I don't know how to get out. 

Oh, I also don't have endless time either...I have a part time job at a small library mostly doing kid programming and we are involved in our small church. I didn't mention those earlier simply because I want something that is apart from those things...

Thanks again for all of the ideas and thoughts...I appreciate each and every one. 

 

[ProudGrandma]

18 minutes ago, marbel said:

Interesting to whom? I'll agree that organization does not lend itself to a lot of gift ideas, but it's no more or less compelling as a hobby/interest as pipes or grilling. 

So I reread the OP and your subsequent posts, and maybe I missed a clue (can happen!) but I can't figure out - are you feeling bored and and a new thing to do, or is this about feeling not-as-interesting and your husband and kids? And feeling cruddy because your family complains about not having gift ideas for you?

I cannot say I have any passions. I have a few hobbies or interests I indulge in. None of them, except reading, leads to gift ideas. 

I agree that offering to help people organize, starting a business if you want, could be a good outlet for you. Do you have any interest in fixing up old furniture? For some reason that seems related to organizing. Cute cabinets for storing things?

 

 

I just sort of addressed your thoughts... looks like sort of at the same time.  I would be interested in your thoughts after you read the post I made at the same time you made this one. 

[ProudGrandma]

43 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

if you are hard to buy for, are there any experiences you would like….museums, trips, restaurants, day spa, etc?

We don't live within a reasonable time frame to any of these things...but I will ponder this some...maybe I can find something. 

[ProudGrandma]

1 hour ago, Ditto said:

I am the triplet then (right down to the organizing).   I wish I could figure this out.   

Really? Maybe the 3 of us need to get together and help each other.  

[ProudGrandma]

I recently thought I wanted to make candle tarts for wax burners out of all natural ingredients.  And I did some research and discovered that no matter how you slice it,  the only way to get the scent throw I really wanted was to use fragrance oils which gives me headaches so I can't even consider that.  I tried essential oils but those aren't strong enough unless you use an expensive amount of oil and even then... not as pleasing as I desire. I pretty much maxed my ability to understand the science... so I don't think I can go deeper into that to figure out chemical compounds of this,  that and the other thing.  

I just wanted to make my house smell good. 

So then I thought about natural potpourri but that ends up the same thing... most boost the scent throw with fragrance oils.  

So...I don't know...I guess I just need to keep looking...

[Heartstrings]

19 minutes ago, kfeusse said:

just wanted to make my house smell good.

Have you looked into simmer pots?   I love playing around with different combos and doing simmer pots in the winter, I don’t do them in the summer because it’s so humid where I live and I’ve been missing it.  

[HomeAgain]

You know, sometimes all you can do is just keep learning.  Sometimes passions are more like rabbit holes.  You stumble into something interesting, try it out, and then decide how deep you want to go.  But you have to take the steps to stumble.

I have talents in my life that I've cultivated after finding rabbit holes.  I have new passions that present themselves based on what I've already learned. And I've dropped things because that part of my life was done and over with.  It's all good.  I'd rather have a broad life that dabbles in a lot of things, even if I can't continue them for long periods.

[Laura Corin]

My passion has crept up on me over the years, and I think it's walking/hiking.  It's what sustains me through the week: a good long walk at weekends (as well as shorter daily walks).

[Kidlit]

As far as gifts go, how about just making an Amazon wishlist or some such?  I mean, I suppose unless you're a complete minimalist, you probably do occasionally want or need things.  I don't know. Just a thought. 

[skimomma]

I am also a person who enjoys organizing.  I would say that I have passions but those have changed drastically over time.  At different points in time I was very into sewing, gardening, knitting, playing a musical instrument, nutrition, etc.....  When I was thick into homeschooling and working full time, most of those dropped off.  I will still knit or sew something if I want a specific item.  I enjoy listening to music but am no longer making it myself.  Things just evolve.  My current passion is fitness (which does pull nutrition back into the equation).  I see that one sticking for a while, if not forever.  But who knows?  Meanwhile, like you, every other family member has deep passions that have stuck for all time.

But, one thing that I have always tried to keep in my life is volunteering.  That does not have to look like what we think volunteering looks like.  I use my organizational skills to involved myself in local organizations that I care about.  Over the years this has meant being on the boards of activities that my dd was involved in or of organizations that I care about.  At this time, it means serving on a committee that reports to the BOD of our local food coop.  I am using my organizational skills to serve on the policy committee.  It's necessary work that most people are not well-suited to.  It can be hard to seek these types of opportunities out but might be worth poking around.

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, kfeusse said:

So, yeah,  I guess I feel left out,  like I have no real place... nothing that makes the family go... "that's cool mom!"...

I just feel blah. 

Thanks for helping me work through this.  I guess I sort of feel like I am in a funk and I don't know how to get out. 

Oh, I also don't have endless time either...I have a part time job at a small library mostly doing kid programming and we are involved in our small church. I didn't mention those earlier simply because I want something that is apart from those things...

That sounds like classical midlife crisis to me. And I don't mean this in any disparaging way; it's a real thing. It sounds like you need something to feel like your own person, something that sets you apart,  redefines you beyond being just "mom".

I was in a similar space a few years ago, not exactly the same situation,  but I'll share the thread where people had valuable suggestions for me just in case it may be helpful. 

 

[wintermom]

12 hours ago, kfeusse said:

So when it comes time to do things with the kids, share an interest, or answering their question of what to get us for our birthday or Christmas... they find it easy to answer that for each other and their dad... but not so for much me. 

Here's an idea slightly different from others. If you'd like to share an interest with your kids, ask them more about it and how you could go about getting into it. It doesn't have to be their high-level passion activity, more something you could bond over in a simple way. For example, I have started asking my young adult dc to share their music playlist with me, and I've been really surprised how many musical artists we share an enjoyment listening to. I didn't expect my 23 yo dd to love listening to Frank Sinatra. We then started playing her music in the car when going on trips, and we both love singing along to the songs. 

Dd also had songs by Adele on her playlist, and I've now been deep diving into Adele. I'm a little late to the party, but it's really fun exploring new music - especially when it has the feel of "old classic" music.

The final bonding piece was to ask my dc to help get me started on Spotify to create my own playlists. It's pretty neat how updating my method of listening to music has created many more common touch-points with my dc and others around me.

Edited August 2, 2023 by wintermom

[Soror]

It sounds to me like you are putting a higher value on creative, artistic pursuits. I have things I enjoy doing but I don't know I have what I call passions. 

I like fitness stuff. The details of what I specifically like to do has changed over the years. I like cooking and was considering different online classes when I started working. Cooking is more utilitarian these days. I thought about pursuing master gardening or naturalist training but I don't have the gumption right now. I really enjoyed learning about identification of plants and animals doing nature study with the kids. I enjoy budgeted and finance stuff and have considered it for a second career but for now it is just personal finance. My interest waxes and wanes with everything. Sometimes I get really into one thing or another and then other areas stay in maintenance mode. 

I'm also an organizer. I think sometimes it would be cool to do that on the side but I also think I'd get frustrated with people as I think most people just have too much stuff. The idea that people need to spend all this money to organize all of their stuff annoys me. 

As for gifts, usually I like practical things. For my bday I got myself tennis shoes and a watch(I accidentally killed mine). Last year I found a dish set and then a glasses set at the thrift store. I donated my old mismatched one back. I'm not great at decoration but I've spruced up different rooms on a budget and really like making a space one I enjoy more. Although, I am really practical most if the time finding a few things that I really love brightens my day. Mostly I don't have strong opinions about clothes or decor so I've realized when I find something I do really like I should jump on it (as long as it's reasonably priced and I can afford it).

 

[Heartstrings]

I think we could all use some recognition that gift giving for adults is just hard, even for people with a hobby.  My kids like computer and gaming stuff, but they already have all of the things to go with that.  They don't need a 5th mouse pad or a cheap set of headphones.  My husband used to brew beer, but he had pretty much everything he needed to go with that, it didn't help with gift giving.  Separating out gift giving from finding a hobby might make it easier to find something that you like.  You want something to occupy your time, something to talk about, that doesn't necessarily mean that it needs to be something that your family could buy you gifts around.  

It might be time to come up with a new tradition around gifts, something like a dirty Santa, taking a trip, going to a show or out for a nice dinner.  

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

I think we could all use some recognition that gift giving for adults is just hard, even for people with a hobby.  

This. I have several hobbies and interests, but at some point I have every piece of backpacking and climbing equipment and kayaking gear I need, enough notebooks to write for years; the unread poetry books pile up, and I own the three-volume hefty tome for plant ID in my state.

We pretty much stopped gift giving, unless someone has a great idea. Then it is fun. Otherwise,  why buy more stuff.

[happi duck]

Coming out of lurking for a second...

I'm not wired to have a "passion" as our culture presents it.  I felt lacking until I embraced that I am a dabbler.  

Maybe you're a dabbler too!

[wintermom]

24 minutes ago, happi duck said:

Coming out of lurking for a second...

I'm not wired to have a "passion" as our culture presents it.  I felt lacking until I embraced that I am a dabbler.  

Maybe you're a dabbler too!

Great to see you! 

Yes, I was going to cautiously inquire whether "having a passion" was a cultural thing in the US. I'll probably get blasted for even suggesting it, but since you mentioned it I'll chime in with my observations. Having a passion and then being identified by that passion seems like a different culture than my own. For example, I've never referred to any of my dc as "a gymnist" or "a violinist" and their identity is not tied to their activities, no matter how many hours a day they spent doing that activity at the time. No one else in their lives have, either, including themselves. Activities shift and change over time, professions do as well, to a lesser extent. Why be boxed into something that is only one part of one's identity? 

Whether the OP is a dabbler, or simply not driven to deep diving into something right now - or ever - they still have a complex and interesting identity. They don't have to let themselves be labelled as "boring." I am 100% positive, without even knowing the OP, that there are some super interesting things that they do, that they are curious about the world, and willing to try things. Heck, they are on a homeschooling forum, that speaks volumes. At one point in time, they were passionate about educating their dc enough that they took over the reigns and dove in deep to get that job done.

Edited August 2, 2023 by wintermom

[marbel]

Gifts do get hard as people get older. For many people, consumables are the way to go. I remember my standard gifts for my mom: some chocolate, some pairs of knee-high hosiery, and a stack of used paperbacks. Yes, used. She delighted in finding books at the thrift store, reading them, and then donating them back. And then, sometimes... buying them again because she'd forgotten she'd read it. 🤣 I tell my kids they can always buy me chocolate, cookies, tea, and I am always happy to get a book they think I will like. 

My husband has more "passions" than I do but he is harder to buy for. My daughter is an artist; it is her passion and her work, but we can't buy gifts related to it for her, as her needs and wants are very specific. She's moved beyond wanting a sketchbook and pack of Prismacolors. 

Anyway, back to the real question - @kfeusse I did read your update. I don't have anything that generates any commentary - "that's cool, Mom" - from my family. I'm happy to do my own small things. 

I do understand feeling a bit jealous of your family having such immersive interests. I guess I am more of a dabbler like @happi duck (so fitting!). 

Do you have friends who have interest/hobbies? Maybe that can be a gateway for something new for you!

By the way, I am totally jealous of you working in a library! My dream... 💗

 

[ProudGrandma]

33 minutes ago, happi duck said:

Coming out of lurking for a second...

I'm not wired to have a "passion" as our culture presents it.  I felt lacking until I embraced that I am a dabbler.  

Maybe you're a dabbler too!

Interesting...maybe I am.  I will have to ponder that.  Thanks

[HomeAgain]

2 minutes ago, marbel said:

Gifts do get hard as people get older. For many people, consumables are the way to go. I remember my standard gifts for my mom: some chocolate, some pairs of knee-high hosiery, and a stack of used paperbacks. Yes, used. She delighted in finding books at the thrift store, reading them, and then donating them back. And then, sometimes... buying them again because she'd forgotten she'd read it. 🤣 I tell my kids they can always buy me chocolate, cookies, tea, and I am always happy to get a book they think I will like. 

 

OH, so much this!

My birthday gift from dh this year is getting my car detailed.  It's not something I would do on my own, but he recognizes that I appreciate a clean car, but also still raising dirty teens.

My kids get me chocolate.

Dh and I don't buy anything for each other's hobbies because it's just hard once you get to a point.  I'm not going to pretend to know what he needs for his bikes.  He's not going to buy anything for my needle crafts. We'll give each other acts of love instead.

[wintermom]

The OP asked about what others' passions currently are.

I've developed a massive passion for gardening, but not so much flowers or veg, but hardscaping. I created a quasi-Japanese rock garden to fill in some "dead space" in my backyard. It was so cool to research and then try to build it. Well it was the "Give a mouse a cookie" moment, because now that I had a little rock garden, the next year I added in a pondless waterfall and bog, along with accomanying plants. This year it morphed into a pergola and hops garden. Who knows what may happen next year, but I have visions of a little stairway up to a hobbit hole faux doorway in the back wall. I'm 56 now, so I started this project at about the OP's age. Old women can build stuff!! 

BTW: Yes, I did the digging, lifting and placing rocks, patio stones mostly all by myself. I needed some help with putting together the pergola, but other than that, this is all the handiwork of a mid-50s lady. 

 

 

Edited August 2, 2023 by wintermom

[skimomma]

2 hours ago, wintermom said:

 

The final bonding piece was to ask my dc to help get me started on Spotify to create my own playlists. It's pretty neat how updating my method of listening to music has created many more common touch-points with my dc and others around me.

We do this as a family!  We have a family Spotify list that anyone who has a song they think others will like adds to the playlist.  My (now-grown) dd and dh are musicians that play in public regularly and this is a nice way to pull me into their interests even though I no longer play anything.  We have been doing this for years and I am amazed at how many artists and songs I have come to love that I would never have been exposed to if it weren't for having a young person (my dd) slinging music at me.  It is also fun to play it on random when we are together for something.

[regentrude]

Another thought: try cultivating a mindset of curiosity. That may lead to discovering an interest you didn't know you had.

For example, I am currently for a week in another place, accompanying dh on a business trip. I walk a few hours each day and have been seeing lots of shorebirds. So in the last two days, I learned to identify several species, and this morning I visited a preserve where endangered snowy plover breed. I asked the docent who was watching over the nests a bunch of questions. 

I am not an expert birdwatcher, don't have a life list, don't carry a giant telephoto lens. But learning about the birds in this place is giving me great enjoyment and a richer connection. 

We don't have to be experts. We can love dabbling.

Edited August 2, 2023 by regentrude

[SHP]

1 hour ago, wintermom said:

The OP asked about what others' passions currently are.

I've developed a massive passion for gardening, but not so much flowers or veg, but hardscaping. I created a quasi-Japanese rock garden to fill in some "dead space" in my backyard. It was so cool to research and then try to build it. Well it was the "Give a mouse a cookie" moment, because now that I had a little rock garden, the next year I added in a pondless waterfall and bog, along with accomanying plants. This year it morphed into a pergola and hops garden. Who knows what may happen next year, but I have visions of a little stairway up to a hobbit hole faux doorway in the back wall. I'm 56 now, so I started this project at about the OP's age. Old women can build stuff!! 

BTW: Yes, I did the digging, lifting and placing rocks, patio stones mostly all by myself. I needed some help with putting together the pergola, but other than that, this is all the handiwork of a mid-50s lady. 

 

 

I also have really enjoyed hardscaping. I love my flowers and all, but the hardscaped areas I have completed are the most satisfying.

 

[Clarita]

It just sounds like you are in a funky place with your family. You and your daughter don't share interests. Your boys are fully invested in particular passions which they are very devoted to (which makes sense in their stage of life). Your husband got lucky and overlap interest with your boys. 

Perhaps find a son/daughter (really friend, they don't actually have to lack a mom) that you can mentor and share interests with. There are stages in life where it's easier to have someone not your parent mentor you. 

[Quarter Note]

@kfeusse, let me just add another voice saying that if you are skilled in organizing, that's a wonderful gift!  Please don't downplay it.  Maybe it feels like your gift of organizing is not going out into the world right now to bless others, but keep your ears and eyes open - you never know what might show up.

One other suggestion:  What if you picked a hobby or skill that you know that you don't do well and work on that just as a challenge?  I'm just about to do that myself.  I have always been really bad at drawing, but I'm buying a "teach yourself to draw" book just to see if I can improve.  Who knows?  

Best wishes to you, kfeusse!  Please let us know what you find out about yourself!

6 hours ago, wintermom said:

If you'd like to share an interest with your kids, ask them more about it and how you could go about getting into it.

Wintermom, this is genius.  What a great way to bond with adult kids!  I'm going to try to find a way to incorporate this idea with my own kids.  (By the way, I love the pictures you posted!  Your yard is beautiful! You should feel great about your work!)

[WendyLady]

I'm in the same boat. Yesterday my husband was trying to convince me that we should start beekeeping as a new hobby for me. But we are not in a place that we can really do that (plus I'm not really interested.) My husband LOVES hobbies. He loves learning new things and is good at all kinds of interesting and diverse hobbies (he was baking sourdough before it was popular, he plays the guitar, he has won meat smoking competitions, he plays tennis, racketball, and pickleball, he is a talented wood worker, he builds and plays ukuleles, he loves hunting, he runs most mornings, etc.)

I enjoy reading and have started playing pickleball recently, but I am not really a hobby person. I will finish my bachelors degree in December and I'm researching grad schools and that's basically all my brain can handle. 

We were talking about the beekeeping and my lack of hobbies last night and I said that staying in touch with our young adult kids is my hobby. I send memes and texts, I talk on the phone, I try to visit as often as possible. That's the only hobby that matters to me. I am delighted to cheer them on in their hobbies and life successes! 

If you are interested in beekeeping, my husband has some really interesting ideas!! 🙂 

[MercyA]

Organizing is my favorite, too. 🙂 

I find jigsaw puzzles relaxing partly because they involve sorting--edge pieces, colors, etc. I'm not really a 1000-piece puzzle kind of person. I like 300- and 500-piece puzzles. They don't take forever but are not overly simple either.

I really like thrifting (online and in stores) and going to garage sales.

I enjoy restoring dolls. I'll take a grungy doll with tangled hair, clean her up, do her hair, put her in a new outfit and donate her back to a thrift shop or give her to my DD for her collection or to a little girl for play.

Those are my hobbies. 🙂 

Edited August 2, 2023 by MercyA

[wintermom]

31 minutes ago, WendyLady said:

We were talking about the beekeeping and my lack of hobbies last night and I said that staying in touch with our young adult kids is my hobby. I send memes and texts, I talk on the phone, I try to visit as often as possible. That's the only hobby that matters to me. I am delighted to cheer them on in their hobbies and life successes! 

If you are interested in beekeeping, my husband has some really interesting ideas!! 🙂 

I'm not interested in beekeeping either. I've created a wildflower haven for butterflies, and that's as far as I'm going. I do love that you are committed to staying connected with your young adult children. That is not an easy task! There was a former poster on this forum, a military mom who mentioned how she wrote letters to each of her dc while they were posted away on duty. Now that I'm a military mom, I'd love to do that. Just staying connected with my precious children as they grow and mature is important to me. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, though.

[Jaybee]

I am a @happi duck-type dabbler. I don't know that I have ever had one huge "passion" as to how I spent my time, other than homeschooling. I took that seriously, and it plus household-running took up most of my time. The other bit of time, I spent in learning how to play the violin as an adult learner. However, due to issues with a shoulder, and difficulties with my eyes, my music pursuits are not so appealing anymore. Plus, my violin needs a lot of repair and I can't afford to do that right now. When I try to play the piano, I have trouble focusing on the notes. I have progressive lenses, but may need to experiment with regular readers for that. Interestingly, I don't particularly enjoy listening to music beyond occasionally. I like the quiet too much.

Other things I have enjoyed in the past don't appeal as much anymore. I still cook, of necessity, but I'm rather tired of it. I like to travel, but...finances. I am a CASA, which I enjoy, but it doesn't take up tons of time. I like plants, but it is too hot here in the summertime for me to enjoy being outside. Reading the suggestions in above posts, most don't particularly appeal to me. Some things I would pursue if I lived closer to an area where I could indulge that interest.

I think I have always been a bit of a dabbler; i.e., if you look at my college transcript, I have a lot of courses on there that didn't apply to my major course of study, lol. While I had interest in lots of areas to a point, the only thing I wanted to do full-time, was be a SAHM, which gave me more time and opportunity to dabble in a variety of things.

[Hannah]

For years genealogy has been a keen interest, but I've pretty much done what I can there on our own and other's trees, including an overseas trip to visit archives.  The word 'passion' would probably be too strong. 

My youngest left home for university in February and I also found myself floundering.  Working full-time, most of the remainder of my time had been taken up by mothering, and one does push oneself to the background.  I made a conscious decision to try new things this year (I like the word dabbling) and I signed up for

• a 3-hour art class once a week.  Our town is also small, but we do have one lady doing art classes.  I'm absolutely loving it and I've met some lovely people through doing this.  I've never seen myself as 'artistic' or even 'crafty' and the gap between my taste and my skills is still huge, but I've decided to lean into the process and forget about what the results look like.
• an Advanced Certificate in Financial Coaching from a state university.  It is an online course which includes one week of face-to-face workshops on campus which we had last week.  The assignments are based on case studies of coaching sessions that we do with our 'beta' clients.  Again, it was great to meet the lecturers and fellow students (interestingly all in their 40's and 50's) in person.   I'm not yet sure where this will lead, but there is a huge need for financial coaching and literacy, so I may apply my new skills in volunteering roles.
• quarterly craft-related workshops at a venue a 2-hour drive away, which two friends and I are doing together.  So far there have been two, one was a mosaic project and the other was where we painted and decorated trainers.  I'd not pursue either of these activities as a hobby, but it was fun doing and we make a day of it, with a nice lunch after the workshops.

As far as gift-giving, our extended family only buys for the children and only if we happen to be together, which doesn't happen very often as we all live on different continents.

For Dh and I we have been focusing very much on experiences and consumables in the last few years.  The kids have asked for luxury items and we agree a fixed financial amount for a birthday or holiday and they can choose what to purchase.  For her graduation gift, Eldest Dd chose an air-fryer LOL!!

[Ausmumof3]

On 8/2/2023 at 1:33 PM, Toocrazy!! said:

I think passion is overrated, or just not meant for certain personalities. I’m just not a passionate person. And it stresses me out when people say follow your passions. 
What I have done is start saying yes. To almost any offer or opportunity that comes my way. I’m in the you never really regret an experience part of my life. I haven’t found any true passion, but I’ve experienced a lot of new things, some just once, some longer. Try a bunch of things. Something might stick. 

 

I did this for a chunk of time. Life got chaotic but I learned a lot.

[Eos]

14 hours ago, MercyA said:

I enjoy restoring dolls. I'll take a grungy doll with tangled hair, clean her up, do her hair, put her in a new outfit and donate her back to a thrift shop or give her to my DD for her collection or to a little girl for play.

Can I make this my new hobby??

I took @regentrude's advice this last year to try to figure out my next move - less about finding a hobby and more about how to transition out of 30 years of homeschooling.  "Shaking my brain loose" has helped me come up with a plan for some activities, but it's also helped me address the grief and loneliness I am anticipating headed my way this fall.  One will be a community history research project that feels like I'm adding to something important even if I'm not a fully trained historian, and the other is planning to make my yard and gardens into a magical space for one-day grandchildren.  I'm hoping that digging and amending soil, planting native flowers for pollinators, and creating little areas of interest will one day be a legacy for my kids and grandkids as well as for the butterflies even if I'm not especially passionate about landscaping.  

[KidsHappen]

My passion is learning. It always has been. I love reading, mostly non-fiction but some fiction as well. I also watch tons of documentaries and educational shows. I am constantly going down rabbit holes on the internet learning new and different things. 

Since my movement has become somewhat limited I have found things that I can do while in bed or sitting in my recliner like crochet, cross stitch, adult coloring books (with various pens, chalk markers, paint brush tipped pens), individual logic games and puzzles. I have been wanting to play some old text based computer game but I really haven't found time to do so.

I reserve time to spend with my hubby every evening. I try to spend at least one day a week with at least one of my dds and we try to get together as a family at least once a month. We rotate doing things like the movies, bowling, disc golf, the zoo and tons of other things. 

I do have a tons of things to go through and declutter but I can only do about 10-15 minutes at a time. My oldest dd frequently comes over and helps me. It gives us a chance to visit and talk. My grand dd always comes with and amuses herself. 

[KungFuPanda]

Since "stuff" is the enemy of order, it's not completely surprising that you don't want to collect 'things' and your family has trouble buying things for you.  Maybe they should think more about experience gifts for you.  A live performance, a nice meal out, or regular excursions that you can look forward to might be what you like most.  If you enjoy strolling through a museum, the gift of a museum pass or overnight trip to a city that has museums could be what you really enjoy.  I happen to think organization is interesting and love reading all the organization books even though my house isn't as orderly as it could be.  My husband "doesn't like to read" but the truth is that he doesn't like to read fiction at all.  He'll read anything technical or informative.  

Do you have friends?  This falls into the "experiences" category.  I think cultivating female friendships becomes more important in middle age once we're not completely consumed with caring for our young children.  A friend group will expose you to new ideas and have you trying things you might not have thought of.  I wouldn't go to a spa on my own, but have friends who organize group trips and encourage it. (Ok, I haven't gone yet, but I might one day.) I met most of my best friends through dance classes, but when we see each other now, we are mostly doing other things . . . a book club, hiking, just hanging out and talking about our day with a glass of wine.  You're old enough that you could seek out a senior center and maybe find groups of people looking for new hobbies and adventures.  I'm actually dragging a friend group to an opera next week.  Most of them have never been to one but they're gonna give it a try, because you never know.  If you already have an established friend group, tell them you're in a rut and need to try stuff.  Maybe plan a club around meeting regularly to try different things.  A regular meeting time, an activity, and a meal is a whole evening out and something to look forward to.

If you want to make something to have your house smell nice, I just use herbs from my garden and bulk spices and simmer them.  I use rosemary or lemon balm and to that I add cardamom or star anise . . . maybe a little vanilla or some citrus rinds.  You can make these "blends" and freeze them, then just add water and simmer.  This way there is no headache.  You can simmer on the stove or in one of those little dip crockpots.  Have you tried melt and pour soaps?  That can be a soothing process that's beginner friendly and gives you a decent product right away.  My absolute favorite is goat's milk soap.  I have some luffa that I grew that I may pour soap over to make an abrasive soap.  

Maybe if you make a goal to try something new every month or ever quarter, and invite someone to try it with you, you will eventually stumble upon a new favorite pastime.  Even if you are streaming an online class, it's still a new experience that is lighting up your brain and you never know where that will lead.

 

ETA:  When I "go to the opera" I don't actually get dressed up and go into the city.  I just go to my local movie theatre and watch through Fathom Events where they pipe in shows from The Met.  I get the experience, but with popcorn, comfy clothes, no commute, and a $15 ticket.  I saw Il Travatore last night and we're going to The Barber of Seville next Wednesday. DS was my opera buddy and would go with me so now I have to branch out and con other people into coming along.

 

'nother edit:  If you don't have grandchildren yet, maybe just rest up and wait.  You might be shocked by how obsessed you can get with those little people.  I look forward to those visits like a kid at Christmas.  I'm completely ridiculous and I'm fine with that.  My grandson is my new favorite pastime. 🤣 We're keeping him this weekend and I cannot stand myself.

Edited August 3, 2023 by KungFuPanda

[ProudGrandma]

3 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

Since "stuff" is the enemy of order, it's not completely surprising that you don't want to collect 'things' and your family has trouble buying things for you.  Maybe they should think more about experience gifts for you.  A live performance, a nice meal out, or regular excursions that you can look forward to might be what you like most.  If you enjoy strolling through a museum, the gift of a museum pass or overnight trip to a city that has museums could be what you really enjoy.  I happen to think organization is interesting and love reading all the organization books even though my house isn't as orderly as it could be.  My husband "doesn't like to read" but the truth is that he doesn't like to read fiction at all.  He'll read anything technical or informative.  

Do you have friends?  This falls into the "experiences" category.  I think cultivating female friendships becomes more important in middle age once we're not completely consumed with caring for our young children.  A friend group will expose you to new ideas and have you trying things you might not have thought of.  I wouldn't go to a spa on my own, but have friends who organize group trips and encourage it. (Ok, I haven't gone yet, but I might one day.) I met most of my best friends through dance classes, but when we see each other now, we are mostly doing other things . . . a book club, hiking, just hanging out and talking about our day with a glass of wine.  You're old enough that you could seek out a senior center and maybe find groups of people looking for new hobbies and adventures.  I'm actually dragging a friend group to an opera next week.  Most of them have never been to one but they're gonna give it a try, because you never know.  If you already have an established friend group, tell them you're in a rut and need to try stuff.  Maybe plan a club around meeting regularly to try different things.  A regular meeting time, an activity, and a meal is a whole evening out and something to look forward to.

If you want to make something to have your house smell nice, I just use herbs from my garden and bulk spices and simmer them.  I use rosemary or lemon balm and to that I add cardamom or star anise . . . maybe a little vanilla or some citrus rinds.  You can make these "blends" and freeze them, then just add water and simmer.  This way there is no headache.  You can simmer on the stove or in one of those little dip crockpots.  Have you tried melt and pour soaps?  That can be a soothing process that's beginner friendly and gives you a decent product right away.  My absolute favorite is goat's milk soap.  I have some luffa that I grew that I may pour soap over to make an abrasive soap.  

Maybe if you make a goal to try something new every month or ever quarter, and invite someone to try it with you, you will eventually stumble upon a new favorite pastime.  Even if you are streaming an online class, it's still a new experience that is lighting up your brain and you never know where that will lead.

 

ETA:  When I "go to the opera" I don't actually get dressed up and go into the city.  I just go to my local movie theatre and watch through Fathom Events where they pipe in shows from The Met.  I get the experience, but with popcorn, comfy clothes, no commute, and a $15 ticket.  I saw Il Travatore last night and we're going to The Barber of Seville next Wednesday. DS was my opera buddy and would go with me so now I have to branch out and con other people into coming along.

 

'nother edit:  If you don't have grandchildren yet, maybe just rest up and wait.  You might be shocked by how obsessed you can get with those little people.  I look forward to those visits like a kid at Christmas.  I'm completely ridiculous and I'm fine with that.  My grandson is my new favorite pastime. 🤣 We're keeping him this weekend and I cannot stand myself.

I tried the simmer pot thing... but for some reason the scent throw didn't make it out of my kitchen.... so then I tried a mini crockpot...not a strong scent either.  What am I doing wrong? I did really want that to be something...but I do what the you tube videos told me to do and my reaction to the scent doesn't match theirs. I would really love to know why. 

[ProudGrandma]

On 8/2/2023 at 11:55 AM, wintermom said:

The OP asked about what others' passions currently are.

I've developed a massive passion for gardening, but not so much flowers or veg, but hardscaping. I created a quasi-Japanese rock garden to fill in some "dead space" in my backyard. It was so cool to research and then try to build it. Well it was the "Give a mouse a cookie" moment, because now that I had a little rock garden, the next year I added in a pondless waterfall and bog, along with accomanying plants. This year it morphed into a pergola and hops garden. Who knows what may happen next year, but I have visions of a little stairway up to a hobbit hole faux doorway in the back wall. I'm 56 now, so I started this project at about the OP's age. Old women can build stuff!! 

BTW: Yes, I did the digging, lifting and placing rocks, patio stones mostly all by myself. I needed some help with putting together the pergola, but other than that, this is all the handiwork of a mid-50s lady. 

 

 

What is hard scaping?

[ProudGrandma]

20 hours ago, MercyA said:

Organizing is my favorite, too. 🙂 

I find jigsaw puzzles relaxing partly because they involve sorting--edge pieces, colors, etc. I'm not really a 1000-piece puzzle kind of person. I like 300- and 500-piece puzzles. They don't take forever but are not overly simple either.

I really like thrifting (online and in stores) and going to garage sales.

I enjoy restoring dolls. I'll take a grungy doll with tangled hair, clean her up, do her hair, put her in a new outfit and donate her back to a thrift shop or give her to my DD for her collection or to a little girl for play.

Those are my hobbies. 🙂 

I like puzzles and thrifting

The doll thing sounds so sweet... you must make so many little girls so happy. 

[KungFuPanda]

3 minutes ago, kfeusse said:

I tried the simmer pot thing... but for some reason the scent throw didn't make it out of my kitchen.... so then I tried a mini crockpot...not a strong scent either.  What am I doing wrong? I did really want that to be something...but I do what the you tube videos told me to do and my reaction to the scent doesn't match theirs. I would really love to know why. 

Less sensitive nose or less air flow in your house?  If you leave the house can you smell it when you walk back in? You can also put your crockpot in another room or just take a walk with your pot to spread the steam. Ever head fans can keep the scent off the ceiling too. 

[Clarita]

Plenty of young people like to play video games. It's kind of a hobby... There's lots of presents associated, general merchandise, guide/encyclopedia books, the next game, etc.

I love the new Legend of Zeldas. I just do as much of the storyline so that the game will let me wander let me help villagers as I please.  

[wintermom]

9 hours ago, kfeusse said:

What is hard scaping?

Building more permanent structures into the landscape, such as wooden pergolas, ponds, waterfalls, retaining walls, patio stones, brick walls, etc. Landscape is generally more plant-based things like trees, plants, lawns, though landscaping can also include brickwork like interlock paths, driveways, etc. 

Edited August 4, 2023 by wintermom

[*Inna*]

Have you heard of The Crafter Box? You can buy the subscription or individual boxes. https://crafter.com

The box comes with everything you need for one or more projects, plus a very detailed video online. They even have Zoom with the teacher for extra questions. 

[happypamama]

I do have hobbies I enjoy, but when I have free time, it usually goes to my volunteer gig as a patient educator for families affected by hypertensive disorders of pregnancy because it is a cause that is near and dear to my own heart.  I do get enormous satisfaction from helping to make things a little easier for other parents.  So maybe you should find a cause or charity that is important to you and volunteer with it!

Can you help other homeschool families by teaching classes or other support?

And for me, if someone asked for gift ideas, I'd suggest donations to my favorite charities like the one I volunteer for, our local library, our local NICU, or local food bank.  Or I would ask for experiences like really fancy restaurants, because my husband and I do enjoy trying local higher end restaurants a few times a year and would do so more often if they weren't so expensive.  

Edited August 4, 2023 by happypamama

[ProudGrandma]

6 hours ago, *Inna* said:

Have you heard of The Crafter Box? You can buy the subscription or individual boxes. https://crafter.com

The box comes with everything you need for one or more projects, plus a very detailed video online. They even have Zoom with the teacher for extra questions. 

No, I haven't heard of this.  Sounds very interesting.  Thanks!!

[ProudGrandma]

15 minutes ago, happypamama said:

I do have hobbies I enjoy, but when I have free time, it usually goes to my volunteer gig as a patient educator for families affected by hypertensive disorders of pregnancy because it is a cause that is near and dear to my own heart.  I do get enormous satisfaction from helping to make things a little easier for other parents.  So maybe you should find a cause or charity that is important to you and volunteer with it!

Can you help other homeschool families by teaching classes or other support?

And for me, if someone asked for gift ideas, I'd suggest donations to my favorite charities like the one I volunteer for, our local library, our local NICU, or local food bank.  Or I would ask for experiences like really fancy restaurants, because my husband and I do enjoy trying local higher end restaurants a few times a year and would do so more often if they weren't so expensive.  

Thanks for these ideas too...I have dreamt of volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center,  but we don't have one close.  But maybe I can find another cause. Thanks. 

[Jaybee]

25 minutes ago, kfeusse said:

Thanks for these ideas too...I have dreamt of volunteering at a pregnancy crisis center,  but we don't have one close.  But maybe I can find another cause. Thanks. 

My newer "thing" is being a CASA volunteer. It doesn't take a whole lot of time, but I find it valuable and interesting. You may or may not have a chapter near you, but it may be something you get trained for further afield, but are assigned cases in your town/county.