Situation critical here. JAWM. (Little update in OP)

[TexasProud]

https://www.tn.gov/content/dam/tn/tenncare/documents/eligibilityrefguide.pdf

[Carol in Cal.]

Are you familiar with Modest Needs?  It’s a nonprofit that vets and then publicizes situations similar to yours in which people need a short, intense amount of help to bridge themselves back to being self sufficient.  The great thing about it is that it exposes the need to a large audience who can chip in to help with it financially.  There is an application process but it doesn’t take very long.  I strongly suggest that you apply.

[Carol in Cal.]

Also!  I’ll bet your husband will have better luck finding a job in January.  It is notoriously easier to get hired after the holidays are finished.

 

I am very sorry that you’re in this position.  You will be in my prayers from now on, and if you have a go fund me I hope that you can make it known.

[Alicia64]

8 hours ago, KidsHappen said:

He is a systems analyst/project manager in IT. with 25 years experience.

When we had twin toddlers running around, dh lost his job. I was stressed. Eventually we moved to a much better situation in every way. We went from CA to VA.  Turned out better than I would have ever dreamed. Mine is IT too.

[Laura Corin]

I'm sorry. That's really hard. Husband lost his last full-time job when he was 55. At that age, jobs at his level in finance seemed to dry up. He was able to find intermittent consulting work for another six years. I don't have any ideas for you - just commiseration.

[footballmom]

(Kidshappen) sending you lots of hugs.  My DH has also had employment issues with layoffs and it is heartbreaking all around.  
 

One idea that hasn’t been mentioned, please consider calling your mortgage company and asking if they have any Covid relief programs available.  My friend stayed in their house by getting their mortgage payments deferred for 6 months.  It gets added on to the end of the mortgage term, but zero additional fees.  It sounds like you may have to choose between healthcare and mortgage and if you could pause your mortgage, that would be a huge help.

[Terabith]

If you want to pm me a resume, my husband works for a giant hospital system that is often looking for people.  

[KidsHappen]

I will sit down later and answer any questions I haven't and my hubby will look over the thread as well but I wanted to thank everyone for everything. Even a quick supportive post makes a difference. I also wanted to report another instance that really warmed my heart today. My ex-husband's wife contributed and reached out to help my hubby find a job. She is a head hunter in his field so it is meaningful help. I am absolutely shocked because I really don't think she likes me all that much. I think in this case the credit goes to her and I have learned that she is a better woman than I thought she was. 

[Lawyer&Mom]

What’s the difference between how much you could rent out your house and the rental cost of a modest apartment?  Is arbitrage possible in your market?

[prairiewindmomma]

11 hours ago, KidsHappen said:

He is a systems analyst/project manager in IT. with 25 years experience.

Does he have PMP certification?

[dirty ethel rackham]

{{KidsHappen}}  Praying that things turn around for you.

[popmom]

I will pray for y’all. If you don’t feel comfortable posting the go fund me, another option is to let someone contribute to your bills directly through the utility companies. I would be honored to help out in any way I can. Dh and I could easily be in the same boat. 
 

I also second the idea of reaching out to churches. Our small church has a ministry dedicated to stuff like this. 
 

eta: I am in a support group at my church for caregivers of family w disability. It is crazy how difficult it is for those with disabilities or chronic illness to know what services are available to them. I’m not just talking about government stuff. I have found out about several private organizations through this support group that I would have never otherwise known existed. Definitely get the word out in your community. You just never know who or what help might be available. 
 

Or a good social worker.

I’m praying.

Edited December 29, 2022 by popmom

[KungFuPanda]

Call your bank and see if you can take a break from mortgage payments for a few months. There are programs in place and it’s easier to call them than to go into foreclosure and dig out from there. That money is then freed up for other things. Sign up for food stamps, heat assistance, and any other program you can think of. It’s what those safety nets are FOR. Don’t wait until you sink into depression because it will be harder to do this stuff then. 

[ktgrok]

15 hours ago, KidsHappen said:

He is a systems analyst/project manager in IT. with 25 years experience.

He definitely needs to talk to a recruiter that does headhunting. IT jobs are 95% who you know. With so many jobs being fully remote now, he also needs to cast a WIDE net. 

14 hours ago, DinCO said:

Check with St. Vincent DePaul organizations in your town…they offer assistance with $ for utilities etc. and although it is a Catholic organization one need not be Catholic to receive services.

 

This! They are an amazing organization and do NOT care if you are Catholic, Christian, or a blue spotted alien with three heads. They will not try to convert you. They just feel it is their Christian mission to help those in need. 

12 hours ago, perky said:

Just a couple of thoughts... we downsized a year ago from our house to an apartment.  We did this because dh is near retirement age and because we were tired of the maintenance and unexpected costs that crop up when you own a house.  And we hate yard work.  So we sold our house and moved to a nice apartment in a nice apartment complex that has a fitness center, couple of pools, walking paths, basketball court, and a great location.  We are very happy.  Plus, since we had lived in our house 20 years, we got a bit of money out of it, which we have been able to use for things we could not afford while still in the house.  

If you think you might downsize down the road anyway, or the maintenance of a house is too much for you (I kept thinking that if dh dies first, I couldn't maintain the house by myself), then maybe consider selling.  It might give you breathing room and allow a better life.

But could they even rent an apartment with no income? I doubt it. They NEED to keep the house right now. 

[ktgrok]

Just saw that your ex's wife is a headhunter! That's awesome! Truly that makes all the difference. Also, has he reached out to ANYONE and EVERYONE he has EVER worked with, at ANY company, to let them know he is looking for work? I know DH often gets calls from former coworkers and helps them find jobs either at his company or because he knows someone else who is hiring, etc. It really is about networking almost entirely at this point. 

[mominco]

So sorry Kidshappen it must be so stressful.Did you mention your DH is a Veteran?

Did you know of Vet Tech funding? https://www.va.gov/education/about-gi-bill-benefits/how-to-use-benefits/vettec-high-tech-program/

He can get trained in cyber security or any of the in demand IT courses,they are boot camp certificate courses so typically 400-600 hour courses.Many are online/remote training.The advantage to these programs are the job placement services they have to offer all Vet tech students.Here is a list of preferred provider list https://www.benefits.va.gov/GIBILL/FGIB/VetTecTrainingProviders.asp. If you have questions please feel free to pm me.GL(((Hugs)))

[Jean in Newcastle]

46 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Call your bank and see if you can take a break from mortgage payments for a few months. There are programs in place and it’s easier to call them than to go into foreclosure and dig out from there. That money is then freed up for other things. Sign up for food stamps, heat assistance, and any other program you can think of. It’s what those safety nets are FOR. Don’t wait until you sink into depression because it will be harder to do this stuff then. 

Read all the fine print on this. In my state people didn’t read the details and were then in even deeper trouble when it was all due to be paid back at the end of those couple of months of reprieve. 

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, ktgrok said:

Just saw that your ex's wife is a headhunter! That's awesome! Truly that makes all the difference. Also, has he reached out to ANYONE and EVERYONE he has EVER worked with, at ANY company, to let them know he is looking for work? I know DH often gets calls from former coworkers and helps them find jobs either at his company or because he knows someone else who is hiring, etc. It really is about networking almost entirely at this point. 

I have been married to Dh for 12 years.  For the first half of that he had 7 jobs…..thankfully stable the last 6 years.  All but one of his jobs was through networking. 

[Soror]

(hugs) I'm sorry you are struggling. I don't have any more wise words than those that have been given. (hugs)

[KidsHappen]

22 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

I forget, have you been diagnosed officially with ALS or a similar neurological disorder?

that should qualify you for Medicare. https://www.als.org/blog/ssdi-and-medicare-faq
 

Also, I am guessing that the national ALS organizations will have resources to point you towards.  Even if it is another neurological disorder, the national organizations often can help point you someplace.

I don't have ALS. It is a different neurological disorder. The problem seems to be that I do not have enough work credits because I was a SAHM homeschooling my children for 20+ years before my disability. I don't really understand this because I personally know people on disability who have never work a day in their lives, not that I am complaining, they were people that legitimately could not work. But I don't understand how some people who have never worked can get disability and other can't because they don't have enough work credits.

[Scarlett]

17 minutes ago, KidsHappen said:

I don't have ALS. It is a different neurological disorder. The problem seems to be that I do not have enough work credits because I was a SAHM homeschooling my children for 20+ years before my disability. I don't really understand this because I personally know people on disability who have never work a day in their lives, not that I am complaining, they were people that legitimately could not work. But I don't understand how some people who have never worked can get disability and other can't because they don't have enough work credits.

If I remember correctly you can qualify for certain disabilities if you qualify before a certain age…..like 26 or something.  
 

Not sure if you saw my post about the disability for people without enough credits.  I believe it is called SSI and it has strict income and asset limits….but you might qualify at this time in your life.  Also that might be the kind of disability that the people you know are on.  

Edited December 29, 2022 by Scarlett

[Ottakee]

8 minutes ago, KidsHappen said:

I don't have ALS. It is a different neurological disorder. The problem seems to be that I do not have enough work credits because I was a SAHM homeschooling my children for 20+ years before my disability. I don't really understand this because I personally know people on disability who have never work a day in their lives, not that I am complaining, they were people that legitimately could not work. But I don't understand how some people who have never worked can get disability and other can't because they don't have enough work credits.

They are probably on SSI which is for people who had a disability before they turned 21 or 23 (can’t remember at the moment) and have little to no resources (under $2000). It pays a maximum of $814 I think right now 
 

SSDI is for those who are disabled but have worked and earned enough work credits.  This maximum check can be quite a bit higher.  Some individuals also get SSDI if they were disabled as a child and then draw off their parents record when the parents retired or passed away (DAC)

sadly SAHM are often out of the game.

that said, call your local social services as often insurance, even food stamps, etc have a much higher income/resource guideline is someone in the family is disabled.

[Scarlett]

https://ncoa.org/article/ssi-vs-ssdi-what-are-these-benefits-how-they-differ
 

This  explains the differences.  If you qualify for SSI you would also get Medicaid. 

[KidsHappen]

22 hours ago, Catwoman said:

I know this might be awkward for you, but can your adult children help you out financially for a little while, just to help cover the essentials? You could pay them back when your dh gets a new job.

Also, could you or your dh tutor homeschool kids? Tutoring can pay very well per hour, so even tutoring one or two kids could add up. (I'm trying to think of anything you could do under the table, so your dh wouldn't lose his unemployment.) If you're not able to travel to kids' homes, you could tutor in your own living room or dining room. 

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope your dh is able to find another job very soon. At this point, because things are dire, he might want to think outside the box a little and see if he qualifies for any other jobs -- like, could he teach at a community college or something like that?

 

The kids are helping as much as they can. Some of them are in better positions to do that than others. Some were hit pretty hard by the economic downturn of covid and are just recovering and getting on steady footing themselves. The youngest still lives at home because she can not afford to get out on her own here yet. She doesn't pay rent and is still on our health insurance but is otherwise self sufficient.

My hubby is definitely looking at all the different ways he can generate income and will be considering all of the ideas presented here as well. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, KidsHappen said:

The kids are helping as much as they can. Some of them are in better positions to do that than others. Some were hit pretty hard by the economic downturn of covid and are just recovering and getting on steady footing themselves. The youngest still lives at home because she can not afford to get out on her own here yet. She doesn't pay rent and is still on our health insurance but is otherwise self sufficient.

My hubby is definitely looking at all the different ways he can generate income and will be considering all of the ideas presented here as well. 

Is it costing you and your Dh to keep her on your insurance?  Because as a young working adult she should be able to qualify for her own low cost insurance.  

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

10 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

If I remember correctly you can qualify for certain disabilities if you qualify before a certain age…..like 26 or something.  
 

Not sure if you saw my post about the disability for people without enough credits.  I believe it is called SSI and it has strict income and asset limits….but you might qualify at this time in your life.  Also that might be the kind of disability that the people you know are on.  

I have a sister who has never worked but will be able to collect SSI because she was diagnosed with CP and autism as a child. I believe it draws off my dad’s credits.

SAHMs get a rough deal all the way around in our society.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

I have a sister who has never worked but will be able to collect SSI because she was diagnosed with CP and autism as a child. I believe it draws off my dad’s credits.

SAHMs get a rough deal all the way around in our society.

Isn’t that the truth.

[KidsHappen]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

Is it costing you and your Dh to keep her on your insurance?  Because as a young working adult she should be able to qualify for her own low cost insurance.  

No, it is either worker or worker and family. She is a waitress and is not eligible for health insurance where she works. We are talking to her about what she is going to do when she turns 26 though. We have another one who just moved here from Knoxville and is working a restaurant job right now until she can find a better job with insurance so she is uninsured right now but she is over 26 so we can't help her.

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, KidsHappen said:

No, it is either worker or worker and family. She is a waitress and is not eligible for health insurance where she works. We are talking to her about what she is going to do when she turns 26 though. We have another one who just moved here from Knoxville and is working a restaurant job right now until she can find a better job with insurance so she is uninsured right now but she is over 26 so we can't help her.

They need to check the marketplace. They have  missed open enrollment for this year unless they have a qualifying life event.  

[KidsHappen]

15 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

https://ncoa.org/article/ssi-vs-ssdi-what-are-these-benefits-how-they-differ
 

This  explains the differences.  If you qualify for SSI you would also get Medicaid. 

Ok, I read this and I guess we will go on-line and apply for the SSI and see what happens. It says it takes 3-5 months though and Lord I hope we won't need it by then.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Sending hugs and hoping your DH can find a job soon.

[KidsHappen]

13 hours ago, Lawyer&Mom said:

What’s the difference between how much you could rent out your house and the rental cost of a modest apartment?  Is arbitrage possible in your market?

We can't rent without an income but even if we could our mortgage is about half of what our rent would be. So if we rented our house out by the time we deducted the mortgage from it there would not be enough left to pay rent on another place.

[Scarlett]

Just now, KidsHappen said:

We can't rent without an income but even if we could our mortgage is about half of what our rent would be. So if we rented our house out by the time we deducted the mortgage from it there would not be enough left to pay rent on another place.

Keeping your house is probably the wisest move unless you could sell and downsize to a very small paid for house. 
 

Friends of ours with no income sold their house and moved to TN for ministry work. They were required to pay a years rent in advance.  

[KidsHappen]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

They need to check the marketplace. They have  missed open enrollment for this year unless they have a qualifying life event.  

Actually, come to think of it I don't think that my oldest who owns the restaurant has health insurance either. I think she checked the exchange and there were no affordable plans. I know she does have TennCare for her kids. They are all in TN. There is really no need for the youngest to get her own insurance yet because it is not costing us anymore and the middle one is hoping to find a better job pretty darn quick.

[KidsHappen]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Keeping your house is probably the wisest move unless you could sell and downsize to a very small paid for house. 
 

Friends of ours with no income sold their house and moved to TN for ministry work. They were required to pay a years rent in advance.  

Yeah, we have looked at the numbers and if we want to stay where we are the cheapest now and best for our long term finances is stay where we are at least with the current interest rates. That may changes in the future.

[Brittany1116]

Would the two kids who are renting the house together consider moving home and paying rent (not the mortgage) for a while? Or would that handicap them finding another place later? IDK what your rental market is like. But I imagine if you convinced them all to move near you, they aren't entirely opposed to living with you again short term. And the youngest still at home can help even if it's just paying electric. 

[KidsHappen]

37 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

They are probably on SSI which is for people who had a disability before they turned 21 or 23 (can’t remember at the moment) and have little to no resources (under $2000). It pays a maximum of $814 I think right now 
 

SSDI is for those who are disabled but have worked and earned enough work credits.  This maximum check can be quite a bit higher.  Some individuals also get SSDI if they were disabled as a child and then draw off their parents record when the parents retired or passed away (DAC)

sadly SAHM are often out of the game.

that said, call your local social services as often insurance, even food stamps, etc have a much higher income/resource guideline is someone in the family is disabled.

Yeah, I looked at the link Scarlett provided down thread and I think we will go online and try to apply for SSI and also call social services and see if we can't get a social worker who can help us out. I think my hubby might have already applied for food stamps. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, KidsHappen said:

Yeah, I looked at the link Scarlett provided down thread and I think we will go online and try to apply for SSI and also call social services and see if we can't get a social worker who can help us out. I think my hubby might have already applied for food stamps. 

Food stamps will help a  lot.  

[NewIma]

I am holding you all in my thoughts. One option to explore for quick cash is donating plasma. Unfortunately,  you wouldn't qualify,  but your husband and daughter might. The 1st month you can usually make close to $1000 with bonuses, and after that around $500 a month. 

[KidsHappen]

1 minute ago, Brittany1116 said:

Would the two kids who are renting the house together consider moving home and paying rent (not the mortgage) for a while? Or would that handicap them finding another place later? IDK what your rental market is like. But I imagine if you convinced them all to move near you, they aren't entirely opposed to living with you again short term. And the youngest still at home can help even if it's just paying electric. 

Well, they just moved out and signed the lease basically right before things became critical here. They had to pay first and last month rent plus security deposit and their rent is almost twice our mortgage. So it would cost them a lot of money to break the lease. And we are really hoping that this is very short turn so we don't want to mess up their rental history for what is hopefully just a couple o months or less.

[KidsHappen]

10 hours ago, ktgrok said:

Just saw that your ex's wife is a headhunter! That's awesome! Truly that makes all the difference. Also, has he reached out to ANYONE and EVERYONE he has EVER worked with, at ANY company, to let them know he is looking for work? I know DH often gets calls from former coworkers and helps them find jobs either at his company or because he knows someone else who is hiring, etc. It really is about networking almost entirely at this point. 

Yes, my hubby is working his network and his network is working their network. People are getting the word out and I think that he is talking to people daily. We really think that things are going to open up here soon. We are just hoping that it happens before we have to do something drastic like sell the house.

[KidsHappen]

14 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Does he have PMP certification?

He says he is qualified but his certification has lapsed at the moment.

[KidsHappen]

23 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

Has he checked out Nashvilles government sites? For any kind of computer related stuff. They don’t pay as well as private sector but the insurance is excellent. And if you have good insurance that pays for things you used to pay out of pocket for that’s the same as a pay raise.

He has and one of the two jobs that he came very close to getting and was really excited about was a TN state job. He was in wage negotiations with them before Thanksgiving and he was left with the impression that they would be calling him with an offer after Thanksgiving and then they said they decided to go is a different direction. But he is still looking at gov jobs.

[KidsHappen]

22 hours ago, JennyD said:

I don't know how far OP is from Nashville, but Vanderbilt and VUMC have lots of IT openings listed, and I see that at least some of the project manager jobs are work-from-home.  VUMC also has locations all over Middle TN.

Hugs to you, OP.  What a very difficult situation.

He is checking these out. Thanks.

[KidsHappen]

21 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

I don't know what state you are in, but Cobra is generally very expensive.  Have you talked to an insurance broker to check out your options for coverage from the individual market?  e.g. small business owners do not generally buy group plans - they buy individual plans.  I'm not talking about the exchange or medicare/medicaid. 

We have not done this so I guess we will look into it. Thanks. I have never really heard of such a thing so didn't know to consider it.

[freesia]

5 minutes ago, KidsHappen said:

We have not done this so I guess we will look into it. Thanks. I have never really heard of such a thing so didn't know to consider it.

Yes, look into it. When we moved to the US from Canada, dh worked temporary construction with no benefits. We were able to buy an individual plan. 

[KidsHappen]

19 hours ago, thatfirstsip said:

The marketplace (ACA) plans generally have out of pocket maximums that would allow you to spend well less than $150k over two years on healthcare. Your premiums alone are insane to me; I think you'd get a much better deal buying insurance on the marketplace, especially if you have little or no income right now.

Part of that amount was during the time he was employed and had a high deductible plan. At least now with the Cobra even though our premiums are high it covers a lot more. We have looked at the plans on the exchanges and the all cost more and cover less. Not sure why but we have checked a few times and found the same results. It might have to do with the kind of coverage I need.

[KidsHappen]

19 hours ago, Ottakee said:

Did your state expand Medicaid?   In our state if your income is under $25,000 a year you can get Medicaid.   There are other programs as well.  I would apply online or go to DHHS and ask for any and all assistance they might have for right now

It did not. We will be looking at social services for at least direction.

[KidsHappen]

19 hours ago, BronzeTurtle said:

I haven't read all and don't know much about health insurance but just popped on to say have his LinkedIn profile updated and active. Employers and recruiters do use it to find people.

Yes, up to date and active.

[KidsHappen]

16 hours ago, Terabith said:

If you want to pm me a resume, my husband works for a giant hospital system that is often looking for people.  

We will be doing this.