Would you let your 14/15 year old go camping with their boy/girlfriend? UPDATE NEED NEW IDEAS

[wathe]

6 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

So, we'd probably have two cabins.

One would be my BIL, my sons, and my neighbors' two sons.  I actually could see their Dad coming because this is the kind of thing he loves.

I think my neighbors would be fine with it.  Our families have lived next door for 12 years.  They've known my BIL since he was a kid.  When we were out of the state for medical care, my BIL is the one who moved in with my kids.  Both families had (they still have) one parent who works shifts, and so the kids have had plenty of sleepovers with one adult home.  

The other cabin would be me, my SIL, my two nieces, and the girl I'm asking about.  One niece just graduated college, so we'd have 3 adults and 2 kids. 

You can read your particular situation better than I can.  My discomfort has been hard-wired by years of scouting, I'm sure.

I was surprised that more than one poster specifically mentioned putting adults in with kids.

[ScoutTN]

37 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

My very first question is - how many *experienced* whitewater adults are on this trip?  (we have friends who are rated for class V rapids - so, I've heard a. lot. of stories.)  What class of rapids would you be doing?  How long is the trip?  As a parent - I would have so many safety questions just pertaining to the river. (but again - I've heard many first-hand stories.)

Then questions that apply to both: how many responsible adults? and how much supervision will they have by responsible adults during down time when they're not on the river/doing camp chores? - or activities if camping.

A regular camping trip where there are hikes/swimming/etc. and you can wear their little legs off during the day . . . Makes them too tired to get into trouble come evening.  But time for roasting marshmallows, and playing games, singing around the camp fire etc.    

 

This! As a lifeguard, water safety would be my first concern. Way more than the camping. Are you going with an outfitter or just renting boats? Is everyone a strong swimmer with previous kayaking experience? 
 

Personally, I would not take other people’s minor kids on whitewater. 

[Drama Llama]

15 minutes ago, wathe said:

Thinking further:

Is she already part of the friend group that's also invited?  If yes, I think an invitation is a no-brainer

If she's an outsider to the friend group that's invited, I might consider how easily will she be able to break into the group.  If she's a type who likes all the same things and is physically going to be able to keep up (paddling etc) and comfortable in the outdoors, then invite, for sure.  If she's a city-type who's afraid of dirt and mosquitos etc, or if the friend group is unlikely to be welcoming, then I might think twice.

Yes, she's spent time with all the kids in the group and gets along well with everyone.  She's as rough and tumble outdoorsy as the rest of them.  The only person she doesn't know is my niece who just graduated, because she's been away at school, but they are actually really similar personalities and I am sure will hit it off.  

To be clear, what my son wants most for his birthday is to go kayaking with her.  So, we'll go kayaking because that's already been run past her parents.  The question is just whether we go kayaking, spend the night, and then do a second activity (e.g mountain biking) or we come back that evening.  

[ScoutTN]

5 minutes ago, wathe said:

You can read your particular situation better than I can.  My discomfort has been hard-wired by years of scouting, I'm sure.

I was surprised that more than one poster specifically mentioned putting adults in with kids.

Scouting rules have become ingrained in me too. Two deep leadership is just part of how I think and plan now. 

[Drama Llama]

3 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

Scouting rules have become ingrained in me too. Two deep leadership is just part of how I think and plan now. 

Do you have kids over at your house without two adults there?

I guess I don't see a difference between my BIL and the four boys in a rented cabin, and the same 4 kids having a sleepover when just one adult is home.  Given that I'm basically single parenting right now (not actually single, but alone in my house with my kids) if we needed two deep supervision all the time my kids would never have friends over.  

Scouting, or school for me, is a totally different situation. 

[Drama Llama]

10 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

This! As a lifeguard, water safety would be my first concern. Way more than the camping. Are you going with an outfitter or just renting boats? Is everyone a strong swimmer with previous kayaking experience? 
 

Personally, I would not take other people’s minor kids on whitewater. 

I think I answered this above while you were typing this. 

[gardenmom5]

43 minutes ago, regentrude said:

This.

It boggles my mind that the main concern would be the mixed gender situation and not the whitewater kayaking.

And unless the *kids* have prior kayaking experience, I wouldn't even consider taking them and being responsible for the safety of minors who aren't my own kids.

 

meh- It depends on the class of the river.   I'd probably be fine with a river that had a few a class II rapids for novice kid. DEPENDING UPON the experience level of the adults in command of the group.   I've sent my teen sons out with friend on multi-day rafting trips with nary a concern (his same age son was in a kayak) - but I also *know* his experience level and the precautions he takes.  anyone else - they need to define "experienced" to my satisfaction.

Class of rapids will vary based on water flow due to rain/snow-melt and should *always* be checked before running a river.  

BUT -  you have to have people who understand and are capable of dealing with, the rapid ratings on the chosen river. And the unexpected.

the stories of rafters/kayakers who got into trouble are usually because they weren't prepared for the class of rapids and didn't know how/were not properly equipped to deal with them.  Then they quickly get in over their heads.  

Edited July 8, 2022 by gardenmom5

[Drama Llama]

2 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

meh- It depends on the class of the river.   I'd probably be fine with a river that had a few a class II rapids for novice kid. AND - the experience level of the adults in command of the group.   I've sent my teen sons out with friend on multi-day rafting trips with nary a concern (his same age son was in a kayak) - but I also *know* his experience level and the precautions he takes.  anyone else - they need to define "experienced" to my satisfaction.

Class of rapids will vary based on water flow due to rain/snow-melt and should *always* be checked before running a river.  

BUT -  you have to have people who understand and are capable of dealing with, the rapid ratings on the chosen river. And the unexpected.

the stories of rafters/kayakers who got into trouble are usually because they weren't prepared for the class of rapids and didn't know how/were not probably equipped to deal with them.  Then they quickly get in over their heads.  

It would be with an organization that I've had experience with and trust.  

[gardenmom5]

24 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

So, I've already asked if they're OK with whitewater kayaking as a birthday activity.  Which is why I'm not asking if people would be OK.

The trip I think we'd probably choose is 4 hours, with more than one guide and our 10 people.  We'd have 6 kids, all of whom are strong swimmers, 5 of whom swim competitively.  2 who are working this summer as lifeguards, and 2 with lots of years of lifeguarding in their teens although not currently lifeguarding.  Several of them train for triathlons, including training in open water.  Everyone's been whitewater rafting, and everyones been kayaking, but not everyone's been whitewater kayaking.  They're the sit on top type kayaks that they call "duckies" not the kind where you can flip over and be trapped. 

But more to the point, I've already had the conversations about the kayaking

tbh: swimming ability only gets you so far.  The water is cold, it is churning in the rapids - and quality life preservers are a must.  Even then, people can get trapped underwater in the "right" conditions.  As for flipping, there are no guarantees - only probabilities.

It sounds like you would be doing a commercial outfitter?  I would be more comfortable - but still want more information.

[Drama Llama]

2 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

tbh: swimming ability only gets you so far.  The water is cold, it is churning in the rapids - and quality life preservers are a must.  Even then, people can get trapped underwater in the "right" conditions.  As for flipping, there are no guarantees - only probabilities.

It sounds like you would be doing a commercial outfitter?  I would be more comfortable - but still want more information.

A commercial outfitter that we've used for whitewater rafting before, and that our scout troop has used for years.  We haven't done this trip because you have to be 12 or older, and have the kids have only been 12 or older since the pandemic, and the other half are turning 12 now. 

And of course we'd be wearing life preservers.  

 

[Jhwk21]

I wouldn't allow it. But I have a general "no sleepover of any kind" rule that we stick to invariably. I would not be offended at the invitation as long as our "no" was accepted graciously.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I haven't read all of the replies, but my first thought is that I'd be concerned about the white-water kayaking, not the possibility of after-hours canoodling. Our kids will find a time and place to canoodle if they really want to. But the kayaking? That would give me pause.

[Ausmumof3]

I thought you meant alone and was like heck no! 
with parents and friends in separate cabins and tents - sure. That sounds fun.

ETA I realise you meant to invite the girl not parents. I may have some reservations over that. We haven’t really done sleepovers without parents before about 15/16 aside from grandparents. We are definitely the outliers on that by a mile though so I think most parents would be fine.

Edited July 8, 2022 by Ausmumof3

[Carrie12345]

3 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

How would you react to this request

Yes, with people I trust and kids I (mostly) trust.

There are definitely scenarios in which I would say no. And even if I say yes, I’m accepting that there are, uh, slight risks involved.

[vonfirmath]

4 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Your title seems to imply alone. I wouldn’t have an issue if parents were there and there were separate tents or cabins. 

Agreed. If there were adult chaperones I trusted, I would not worry about it.

[Drama Llama]

30 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

I thought you meant alone and was like heck no! 

Maybe I'm overprotective, but I wouldn't allow my 14 year old to go camping alone with another 14 year old, regardless of gender. 

[Drama Llama]

3 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

I was pushed into a far too serious relationship way too early(14) by the guy’s family, who were fundamentalist homeschooler courtship early marriage proponents. 

I think the parents know me well enough to know that's not the situation here.

 

[Drama Llama]

2 hours ago, regentrude said:

This.

It boggles my mind that the main concern would be the mixed gender situation and not the whitewater kayaking.

And unless the *kids* have prior kayaking experience, I wouldn't even consider taking them and being responsible for the safety of minors who aren't my own kids.

 

It's not that I'm more concerned about one than the other.  It's that I already talked out my concerns about the kayaking with other people.  i've decided that, in this particular circumstance (outfitter, small group, experienced adults including one in my own family, these particular kids, this particular stretch of river), I'm comfortable.  

Now, I'm making the camping decision, so that's what I asked about. 

[PerfectFifth]

Under the guidelines you’ve listed, I would have no problem with any of my kids going.  You’ve covered all the things I’d be concerned about. 

[2squared]

I don’t think we would let our young teen go. An overnight trip is too much pressure for so many reasons, but my young teens also aren’t ready to spend that much time with a boyfriend/girlfriend. It would definitely be too serious too quickly for them (and their parents). 
 

Like other posters, I would be disappointed to be put in a position to make a decision about an overnight. If it was a situation where the larger group was staying overnight but I could pick my kid up after the first day’s activities, then that would work much better for us. 

[alisoncooks]

With everything you shared, I’d be fine with it.  It sounds like the water part is supervised by professionals, and the overnight bit is planned out.

You could always present it to the girl’s parents as a kayak trip, and “we were thinking of staying the night - girls’ cabin boys’ cabin, etc - mountain biking the next day” and see if they’d be cool with it.  Usually I’m fine with things if the other parent has thought it all out, which it sounds like you have. 

[Farrar]

Since everyone is raising questions on every front, let me just say that I'd be totally okay with every aspect of this situation as you've described it.

[QueenCat]

16 hours ago, wathe said:

I am struck by the numbers of posters who would have an adult share sleeping quarters with the kids.  That's a big no-no-no-no from a youth safety point of view.  It's strongly preferred that adults have separate quarters.  There are exceptions (like entire group is sleeping in a gym or other large space), and then adults have to be super careful to be 2-deep at all times and maintain some sort of separation from youth sleeping space.

I agree. No way would I have adults sleeping in a tent with kids that aren't their own/family. Too much BSA training for me to go for that.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, QueenCat said:

I agree. No way would I have adults sleeping in a tent with kids that aren't their own/family. Too much BSA training for me to go for that.

Interesting.  I would not want my young teen alone in a tent with a bunch of other young teens.  

[DawnM]

18 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

Every church youth group trip I went on as a kid had multiple kids having sex.  So, that is not reassuring.  

What?   Either it didn't happen at my camps or I live under a huge rock.   Wow.   

[ScoutTN]

57 minutes ago, QueenCat said:

I agree. No way would I have adults sleeping in a tent with kids that aren't their own/family. Too much BSA training for me to go for that.

OP said they have cabins and two adults (or more?) in each. 

Do the cabins have separate bedrooms or are they bunkroom style? 

[rebcoola]

I would be absolutely ok with the kayaking and the camping.  My only complaint would be my kids now hounding me to up their birthdays lol

[Drama Llama]

13 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

OP said they have cabins and two adults (or more?) in each. 

Do the cabins have separate bedrooms or are they bunkroom style? 

So I am still researching options, it’s late to be booking.  I think bunkroom style., but we could end up with platform tents or something.  We’d have 1 or 2 adults with the boys and 3 with the girls.  

I am more comfortable with adults with kids than I am with the  12 and 14 year old girls alone at a campsite with the adults at another one.  That seems really different from scout camping where it’s tents on a single site.  

[bolt.]

Since I think we've covered the original question, I was wanting to bring up a bit of a 'side issue' that might not be a angle you've considered.

Here goes: While it's not impossible that this is your son's 'forever relationship' the most likely outcome of with this girlfriend is that they will break up at some point. One of the problems with allowing a birthday celebration for 'what he wants' to focus on the gf (who is very important to him right now) is that 'this' (whatever you do) will always be his memory of how he celebrated this birthday. It's unfortunate if a gf-who-becomes-an-ex is 'the main feature' of a birthday event.

With that in mind, I see that this is more like a group event: it would include the gf, but not be overtly focused on her. That's good. Just something to be mindful of as you plan. Make some memories for him that are just for him, so that his birthday doesn't feel weird when/if he remembers it, once the relationship might be over.

[QueenCat]

45 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

OP said they have cabins and two adults (or more?) in each. 

Do the cabins have separate bedrooms or are they bunkroom style? 

Correct. Initially, she said tents or cabins... now it looks like cabins or platform tents.

Edited July 8, 2022 by QueenCat

[gardenmom5]

12 minutes ago, bolt. said:

Since I think we've covered the original question, I was wanting to bring up a bit of a 'side issue' that might not be a angle you've considered.

Here goes: While it's not impossible that this is your son's 'forever relationship' the most likely outcome of with this girlfriend is that they will break up at some point. One of the problems with allowing a birthday celebration for 'what he wants' to focus on the gf (who is very important to him right now) is that 'this' (whatever you do) will always be his memory of how he celebrated this birthday. It's unfortunate if a gf-who-becomes-an-ex is 'the main feature' of a birthday event.

With that in mind, I see that this is more like a group event: it would include the gf, but not be overtly focused on her. That's good. Just something to be mindful of as you plan. Make some memories for him that are just for him, so that his birthday doesn't feel weird when/if he remembers it, once the relationship might be over.

This.

I have pictures of ds with a gf with whom ds was very serious - I'm sorry I didn't get some pictures of the event without the xgf.  She's someone who was not a keeper. (though it woke him up to the path he was on and that he did NOT want to go that way!)  even engagements end.

I was really ticked off by a photographer last fall who wanted to exclude dsil from some family group pictures.   This is my grandchildrens father . .  My daughter's husband . . . . (dsil was within earshot - the photographer knew it and tried to be quiet about it. . . so, it was good for dsil to hear I refused to exclude him.)

[ktgrok]

3 hours ago, Farrar said:

Since everyone is raising questions on every front, let me just say that I'd be totally okay with every aspect of this situation as you've described it.

Same. Assuming I knew at least one of the adults going well enough that I knew how they parented, what their pareinting/supervision style was. 

I remember having a co-ed sleepover once in highschool - it was a group of us that were going to stand in line for a general admission concert, and we had to be their super early if we wanted to get a good spot in line. We all spent the night in the family room in sleeping bags on the floor, but in full view of any one walking through the house to the kitchen or whatever, and it was a group of friends that my parents knew, and they knew the parents supervising very well. 

Had it been someone's house they didn't know, they would not have let me go. But in this circumstance they were okay with it. We had a BLAST. One of my favorite memories ever, actually. 

[Clarita]

As a mom of littles and someone with may be unusual bad experience through out her life it's a hard NO from me. 

The only way I would say yes is if it's a very official thing. Girls and boys sleeping separately. Chaperone in every young person sleeping area and an organization I can sue if things aren't adhered to.

 

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, ktgrok said:

I remember having a co-ed sleepover once in highschool - it was a group of us that were going to stand in line for a general admission concert, and we had to be their super early if we wanted to get a good spot in line. We all spent the night in the family room in sleeping bags on the floor, but in full view of any one walking through the house to the kitchen or whatever, and it was a group of friends that my parents knew, and they knew the parents supervising very well. 

For the record I would say no to this too. Too many bad experiences with supposed "good" people.

[Drama Llama]

2 hours ago, QueenCat said:

Correct. Initially, she said tents or cabins... now it looks like cabins or platform tents.

This reads like you think I changed something.  I'm not really sure how cabins or tents is different from cabins or tents.  My first choice has been cabins all along, but at this late point we might not be able to be choosy.  

[Drama Llama]

2 hours ago, bolt. said:

Since I think we've covered the original question, I was wanting to bring up a bit of a 'side issue' that might not be a angle you've considered.

Here goes: While it's not impossible that this is your son's 'forever relationship' the most likely outcome of with this girlfriend is that they will break up at some point. One of the problems with allowing a birthday celebration for 'what he wants' to focus on the gf (who is very important to him right now) is that 'this' (whatever you do) will always be his memory of how he celebrated this birthday. It's unfortunate if a gf-who-becomes-an-ex is 'the main feature' of a birthday event.

With that in mind, I see that this is more like a group event: it would include the gf, but not be overtly focused on her. That's good. Just something to be mindful of as you plan. Make some memories for him that are just for him, so that his birthday doesn't feel weird when/if he remembers it, once the relationship might be over.

I guess I have trouble thinking of two fourteen year olds as a potential "forever relationship" or as a potential "ex".  They're two kids, in a larger group of kids who like to spend time together.   I imagine that the group of kids my son will hang out with will shift and change many times between the summer before 9th grade and adulthood.   

I also can't really imagine excluding a kid, because it's possible in the future they'll feel differently about each other.  I mean, kids' friendship groups change all the time.  The three older kids are all at different schools and have different extracurriculars, they'll certainly make new friends, and some friendships will fade, it doesn't mean they'll regret the memories.  

Maybe it's a geographic difference, but I think people are seeing the "girlfriend" part as indicating a more serious relationship?   This is definitely puppy love.  They are two middle schoolers (they're rising 9th) who both like to sing, and do musical theater, and play basketball, and play video games, and choose to use the term "boyfriend/girlfriend" to describe their relationship.  They aren't potential spouses.  They're kids hanging out together.   Sometimes they hang out a lot, like right now they're in the same production and see each other at rehearsal 5 days a week.  Sometimes they get busy with school and sports and family stuff and don't see each other in person for a few weeks.  

Edited July 8, 2022 by Baseballandhockey
adding stuff

[bolt.]

9 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I guess I have trouble thinking of two fourteen year olds as a potential "forever relationship" or as a potential "ex".  They're two kids, in a larger group of kids who like to spend time together.   I imagine that the group of kids my son will hang out with will shift and change many times between the summer before 9th grade and adulthood.   

I also can't really imagine excluding a kid, because it's possible in the future they'll feel differently about each other.  I mean, kids' friendship groups change all the time.  The three older kids are all at different schools and have different extracurriculars, they'll certainly make new friends, and some friendships will fade, it doesn't mean they'll regret the memories.  

That's true. And it's helpful that this is a 'crew' not just a one-on-one birthday activity with her for him.

I wouldn't suggest excluding her.

But I do think people tend to feel differently about memories with exes in them, vs memories with faded friends. It's just worth being mindful of emphasizing the group feel of things, and of getting some pictures with different groupings of kids, and not making a big deal of going "with gf" as if her presence is what makes the activity into a celebration.

(But yes, she will either be with him forever, or she will become an ex-girlfriend to him. There isn't a third option. 14yos take relationships as seriously as everybody else does. Just because it looks like kids' stuff from the outside doesn't mean it feels like kids' stuff from the inside.)

Edited July 8, 2022 by bolt.

[Drama Llama]

23 minutes ago, bolt. said:

That's true. And it's helpful that this is a 'crew' not just a one-on-one birthday activity with her for him.

I wouldn't suggest excluding her.

But I do think people tend to feel differently about memories with exes in them, vs memories with faded friends. It's just worth being mindful of emphasizing the group feel of things, and of getting some pictures with different groupings of kids, and not making a big deal of going "with gf" as if her presence is what makes the activity into a celebration.

(But yes, she will either be with him forever, or she will become an ex-girlfriend to him. There isn't a third option. 14yos take relationships as seriously as everybody else does. Just because it looks like kids' stuff from the outside doesn't mean it feels like kids' stuff from the inside.)

I guess I don’t think of my early relationships from middle school and high school that way at all.  

[chocolate-chip chooky]

@Baseballandhockey However this ends up playing out, I hope your son has a truly amazing birthday 🌻

[LucyStoner]

Is it a family trip or will there be other friends there?  I probably would not invite my son’s girlfriend to join us on a trip that was just us and my kids cousins/aunts/uncles.  I would invite her if it was a trip with other people who aren’t related to us, like we were inviting a few of his friends and his girlfriend.  I wouldn’t want to give the impression that we were expecting her to join our family.  

[hippymamato3]

Yes, we would. 

[QueenCat]

56 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

This reads like you think I changed something.  I'm not really sure how cabins or tents is different from cabins or tents.  My first choice has been cabins all along, but at this late point we might not be able to be choosy.  

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to... I was explaining my response to the other poster... 

[Drama Llama]

16 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

Is it a family trip or will there be other friends there?  I probably would not invite my son’s girlfriend to join us on a trip that was just us and my kids cousins/aunts/uncles.  I would invite her if it was a trip with other people who aren’t related to us, like we were inviting a few of his friends and his girlfriend.  I wouldn’t want to give the impression that we were expecting her to join our family.  

Yes, it would be my two kids, a couple cousins, and 3 close friends.  I don't feel like I can do this by myself.  I haven't been camping since middle school.  I actually probably wouldn't go on the water. 

So, I'd invite my BIL and SIL so that I'd have chaperones, and people with skills to be on the water with the kids.  Plus they know how to camp. 

[Drama Llama]

4 hours ago, rebcoola said:

I would be absolutely ok with the kayaking and the camping.  My only complaint would be my kids now hounding me to up their birthdays lol

We actually have three birthdays, both my kids and their cousin, within a 2 week time period.  All 3 kids want the same 3 other kids at their birthday.  So, if we spent the night I might let them each pick an activity, with kayaking as my oldest's and then count that as everyone's birthday.  

Add in the fact that we didn't do anything in person the last two years due to pandemic, and maybe that makes it more reasonable? We don't usually do things this big either.  

[rebcoola]

It sounds reasonable and awesome actually just not something I would have thought of or be easy to pull off I think it's a great idea.

23 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

We actually have three birthdays, both my kids and their cousin, within a 2 week time period.  All 3 kids want the same 3 other kids at their birthday.  So, if we spent the night I might let them each pick an activity, with kayaking as my oldest's and then count that as everyone's birthday.  

Add in the fact that we didn't do anything in person the last two years due to pandemic, and maybe that makes it more reasonable? We don't usually do things this big either.  

 

[Garga]

21 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

Yes, she's spent time with all the kids in the group and gets along well with everyone.  She's as rough and tumble outdoorsy as the rest of them.  The only person she doesn't know is my niece who just graduated, because she's been away at school, but they are actually really similar personalities and I am sure will hit it off.  

To be clear, what my son wants most for his birthday is to go kayaking with her.  So, we'll go kayaking because that's already been run past her parents.  The question is just whether we go kayaking, spend the night, and then do a second activity (e.g mountain biking) or we come back that evening.  

If it was me, I’d prefer for it to be a day trip.  For the overnight trip, I might say no, or I might say yes, but inside I would be wishing so hard that you hadn’t asked and made me figure out what I was or wasn’t comfortable with.

 

1 hour ago, bolt. said:

 

(But yes, she will either be with him forever, or she will become an ex-girlfriend to him. There isn't a third option. 14yos take relationships as seriously as everybody else does. Just because it looks like kids' stuff from the outside doesn't mean it feels like kids' stuff from the inside.)

 

1 hour ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I guess I don’t think of my early relationships from middle school and high school that way at all.  

Interesting. I am more like bolt. At that age, I fell hard for my crushes. Very hard. I know people write things off as puppy love, etc, but the love I felt back then feels an awful lot like the love I feel currently. I’m not sure I buy it that kids only feel puppy love. Maybe some do, but some fall into something deeper. Or maybe my love is shallow now but I don’t think it is.

[bolt.]

26 minutes ago, Garga said:

Interesting. I am more like bolt. At that age, I fell hard for my crushes. Very hard. I know people write things off as puppy love, etc, but the love I felt back then feels an awful lot like the love I feel currently. I’m not sure I buy it that kids only feel puppy love. Maybe some do, but some fall into something deeper. Or maybe my love is shallow now but I don’t think it is.

I think "what you feel at the time" can be quite different from how you feel about it at various points afterwards. As a woman in my 40s, I don't currently regard my 'exes' from my young teen years as something terribly serious to me now. But at the time, and for a not insignificant number of months and years afterwards, my break ups felt like key events in my life.

[Sunshine State Sue]

On 7/7/2022 at 7:57 PM, Baseballandhockey said:

So, we'd probably have two cabins.

One would be my BIL, my sons, and my neighbors' two sons.  I actually could see their Dad coming because this is the kind of thing he loves.

I think my neighbors would be fine with it.  Our families have lived next door for 12 years.  They've known my BIL since he was a kid.  When we were out of the state for medical care, my BIL is the one who moved in with my kids.  Both families had (they still have) one parent who works shifts, and so the kids have had plenty of sleepovers with one adult home.  

The other cabin would be me, my SIL, my two nieces, and the girl I'm asking about.  One niece just graduated college, so we'd have 3 adults and 2 kids. 

Sounds very awkward for a teenage girl, imo. 

My 17yo gdd is going to Disney with her bf and his family next week.  She'll be sharing a hotel room with his mom.  She wants to go but thinks it will be awkward sharing a room with his mom.

[SKL]

Separate sleeping accommodations would be fine, unless I had some reason to be concerned that they were trying (or likely to try) getting physical.

My girls have a male friend who has slept over with them in various contexts.  Sometimes his mom is also invited and he sleeps in her room.  When we all went camping, he (being the only boy) slept in a separate tent, but only after they all sat up blabbing well into the night together.  I, however, could hear everything through my tent wall.  😛  Usually, he sleeps in a separate room, and there is close adult supervision.  Besides, he and my girls don't seem romantically/physically interested in each other, although I wouldn't rely totally on that.  😛

[SKL]

4 minutes ago, Sunshine State Sue said:

Sounds very awkward for a teenage girl, imo. 

My 17yo gdd is going to Disney with her bf and his family next week.  She'll be sharing a hotel room with his mom.  She wants to go but thinks it will be awkward sharing a room with his mom.

Why would this be awkward?  I have shared rooms / cabins with my kids and their female friends.  My only concern was how to make sure I didn't snore.  😛