Large Family Help

[Condessa]

A year ago, we had four kids.  Then we added dd3 through foster care.  In April, her big sister dd8 came to us.  In a few weeks, the other two sisters will be joining our family.  We will have a dd11, dd10, dd9, dd8, ds8, dd7, ds6, and dd almost4.  Help.

I’m looking for advice on how to manage a home with this many kids.  All suggestions are welcome.  

I have made some strides in implementing some organizational strategies in the last half a year.   I organized the laundry room with a large dish tub labeled for each child, and their clothes go directly into their tub when folded.  The kids and I each fold our age of laundry each morning, and the kids carry their laundry tubs to their rooms to put clothes away every few days.  I do extra several times a week, but this is enough that one day off the schedule doesn’t sink me.

I made a checklist with daily morning and evening tasks that the kids have to go down and check off before they go play, and it has been a lifesaver.  It is so much easier to make sure everyone is getting their personal maintenance and a few basic chores done when we can refer to the checklist.

 

What other suggestions do large family moms have for me?   Also, what is the most economical vehicle for a family of ten?

Edited July 22, 2020 by Michelle Conde

[MercyA]

Wow, you are amazing. For real.

As a mom of one, that's all I have to offer. And maybe have the kids sleep with just a bottom sheet and nice mid-weight comforter for less laundry and ease of bed making.

[mommyoffive]

No real tips.  Are your older kids doing their own laundry?  This helped me so much.  I think 8 and up can do it.

That is so wonderful that you are taking in the sibling group. 

[Momto6inIN]

Do a once a month stock up trip at Sam's or Aldi or wherever for nonperishables. Only get dairy and meat and produce once a week.

Do a load or 2 of laundry every day.

Think about investing in a commercial size washer/dryer and fridge.

Drink bands so you only have 10 glasses a day instead of eleventy billion.

Once every week or 2 set aside 2 hours for cleaning. Everybody helps, put on fun music, work feverishly during that 2 hours, then call it good enough til next time. And don't feel guilty about not doing it more often or for longer.

[Condessa]

1 hour ago, mommyoffive said:

No real tips.  Are your older kids doing their own laundry?  This helped me so much.  I think 8 and up can do it.

That is so wonderful that you are taking in the sibling group. 

They aren't doing their laundry separately, but they bring their laundry basket and sort it, and they each fold their age each day and put their folded clothes away every few days.  

[Condessa]

1 hour ago, Momto6inIN said:

Do a once a month stock up trip at Sam's or Aldi or wherever for nonperishables. Only get dairy and meat and produce once a week.

Do a load or 2 of laundry every day.

Think about investing in a commercial size washer/dryer and fridge.

Drink bands so you only have 10 glasses a day instead of eleventy billion.

Once every week or 2 set aside 2 hours for cleaning. Everybody helps, put on fun music, work feverishly during that 2 hours, then call it good enough til next time. And don't feel guilty about not doing it more often or for longer.

 

I just bought another fridge off of Craigslist for the garage-it had reached the point where I couldn't fit a whole week's worth of perishables in the fridge anymore, with just six here.

I have never heard of drink bands before.  Thank you!

[Condessa]

I've also been hunting for larger sized pots and pans and bowls for meal prep, as it's getting hard to stir my larger ones without spilling.  Pans seem the hardest to find, especially as I don't want to cook with aluminum.

[Melissa in Australia]

Reward charts 

there are many ways of setting up a rewards chart, with my older children their goal was computer time. I had  chores For different amounts of minutes . So washing kitchen windows was worth 30 minutes, vacuuming a room was 20 minutes, hanging out a load of laundry was 20 minutes.  Mowing the yard 1 hour.   These chores were optional extra things and they were very motivated to play on the computer so they would Do there extra chores very willingly

for my twins it took about a year for me to teach them how a reward chart worked. They didn’t understand the concept of delayed rewards.

they have a star chart with Velcro. When they get 10 stars they win a superdooper or a chocolate frog. Mostly their rewards are for completing schoolwork or very basic tasks like helping me tidy up the verandah 

 

no idea why the iPad keeps adding capital letters at random 

[Melissa in Australia]

Timetables And routines  for everyone.

[Melissa in Australia]

Have one child as meal helper each day and teach each child over around 8 on how to prepare one simple meal. Then eventually they will be able to make that meal independently.  It makes a huge difference if oldest child cooks roast once a week, next cooks pasta, next makes baked potatoes and salad.. that is just about half the week of main meals covered.....

[KungFuPanda]

My sister once went to each kid having a different dish service. She might have gotten them at goodwill. Nobody had the same colored cups. After the meal they washed their stuff. Apparently it cut down on random dishes and cups scattered about. I’ve only really done this Girl Scout camping, but the kids were pretty quick about it and even the 4-year olds could wash a cup, plate, and cutlery. 
 

For you, do you have good friends you can phone when you are overwhelmed? It’s GOING to be too much sometimes and you need a support system, even if it’s just a pep talk. If you’re not a person who can ask for help you need to figure out how. 
 

 

[Condessa]

2 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

My sister once went to each kid having a different dish service. She might have gotten them at goodwill. Nobody had the same colored cups. After the meal they washed their stuff. Apparently it cut down on random dishes and cups scattered about. I’ve only really done this Girl Scout camping, but the kids were pretty quick about it and even the 4-year olds could wash a cup, plate, and cutlery. 
 

For you, do you have good friends you can phone when you are overwhelmed? It’s GOING to be too much sometimes and you need a support system, even if it’s just a pep talk. If you’re not a person who can ask for help you need to figure out how. 
 

My support system doesn't live here.  I don't have any close friends or relatives here, though my sister-in-law is only 45 minutes away.  However, I can and have called up people from church when I am in a tight spot, and they have been very helpful.

[rebcoola]

We found sheet pans that just fit in our oven at our local Smart food services (formerly cash &carry) 

Use curbside or delivery when we fostered a large sibling set I did grocery run with all of them and did get it down to a science but it was exhausting.

Edited July 22, 2020 by rebcoola

[Ottakee]

6 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

My sister once went to each kid having a different dish service. She might have gotten them at goodwill. Nobody had the same colored cups. After the meal they washed their stuff. Apparently it cut down on random dishes and cups scattered about. I’ve only really done this Girl Scout camping, but the kids were pretty quick about it and even the 4-year olds could wash a cup, plate, and cutlery. 
 

For you, do you have good friends you can phone when you are overwhelmed? It’s GOING to be too much sometimes and you need a support system, even if it’s just a pep talk. If you’re not a person who can ask for help you need to figure out how. 
 

 

I did the different color cups for each kid when I had a lot of kids at home.  Worked well....even the 18 month old knew the yellow sippy cup was his 

I agree to needing support and a place to share the joys, vent your frustrations, cry, etc.  If you don't have someone local, maybe someone to call and chat while you take a walk.

Sadly, you are likely to get a lot of "well, you chose this" or "if it is too much, don't do it" type comments  Just because you chose this and it is the right thing to do, does NOT make it easy.

Also, again sadly, the church and neighborhood help that is there for a new baby, isn't there when you take in older kids.   Often there are no meal drop offs, offers to help, etc.  If there are, take them.  

[RootAnn]

I have never heard of drink bands, but we did the separate color cups. They had their own color plates but that didn't work as well or stick. (Cups rinsed & reused to cut down on dishes!)

Chores on a chart so everyone helps out, even the 3 yr old can do something. Start teaching the kuds niw because it takes a lot of time to get one trained correctly. (I did not do this well & relied on older siblings to teavh younger ones. It was not as effective.) Teaching the new kids will take a bit. It helps to know & see others doing their parts.

Routine. Routine. Routine. So helpful to have & follow even if you go off it occasionally.

Edited July 22, 2020 by RootAnn

[Carrie12345]

Our family won’t be and hasn’t been quite as big, but I have to admit that doing laundry myself has always been so much better than having kids take care of their own. (For the record, they all know HOW.). I have a system that works for me, 1-3 loads a day depending on the week, washed, dried, folded and put away (well, I deliver to the girls’ room and it’s up to them to put away-away) as it comes out, and finished early in the day.

My dds still sometimes do their own at night when they need work clothes, but heaven help them if they screw up my morning routine. We tried the whole “everyone does their own” thing and it just created a scheduling nightmare and put like-loads way out of balance.  If we’re going to use time, water, soap, and electricity to wash whites, it had better be a full load, yk? 

Showers are another thing we need routine for, especially because we have a smaller than average hot water heater.   Generally speaking, the girls shower at night, parents in the morning, and the boys in the afternoon. (Yay, homeschooling, lol.) We still run into occasional issues, but it mostly works well.

For dish washing, we currently have two kids alternating loading the dishwasher and two kids alternating emptying the dishwasher.  A step stool comes in real handy for the shorter ones who used to insist they couldn’t unload, lol.

I’ve always tried to keep everyone pretty independent for making breakfast and lunch.  When I’m on top of my game, I keep the freezer full of stuff they can just nuke or toast so we don’t depend on cereal.  Slices of premade French toast go really nice straight from the freezer and into the 4-slice toaster (flash frozen first, not just stacked.)

[Starr]

We have several friends with large families. Some of the things I noticed, each person gets one day a week to do laundry, making own breakfast cereal, sandwich, changing bedroom configurations depending on what works which year, coupling older-younger child for assistance , lots of outside time, and chores for everyone. It will come together for you. 

[BlsdMama]

12 hours ago, Michelle Conde said:

A year ago, we had four kids.  Then we added dd3 through foster care.  In April, her big sister dd8 came to us.  In a few weeks, the other two sisters will be joining our family.  We will have a dd11, dd10, dd9, dd8, ds8, dd7, ds6, and dd almost4.  Help.

I’m looking for advice on how to manage a home with this many kids.  All suggestions are welcome.  

I have made some strides in implementing some organizational strategies in the last half a year.   I organized the laundry room with a large dish tub labeled for each child, and their clothes go directly into their tub when folded.  The kids and I each fold our age of laundry each morning, and the kids carry their laundry tubs to their rooms to put clothes away every few days.  I do extra several times a week, but this is enough that one day off the schedule doesn’t sink me.

I made a checklist with daily morning and evening tasks that the kids have to go down and check off before they go play, and it has been a lifesaver.  It is so much easier to make sure everyone is getting their personal maintenance and a few basic chores done when we can refer to the checklist.

 

What other suggestions do large family moms have for me?   Also, what is the most economical vehicle for a family of ten?

Well....... economical vehicle + large family don't go together. 😉 I am STILL driving a 15 passenger and trying unsuccessfully to talk DH into scaling down.  The 16yo & 15yo can drive in a different car, I figure! They're good.  And *I* get a sleek tiny minivan.  :P 

The biggest thing for me to face was that I could only take care of stuff or people.  The people won.  I had to be brutal with the amount of stuff in my house for regard of my own sanity.  I keep/kept the littles "church clothes" in a separate closet all together so I wasn't scrambling Sunday morning or when going to an event.  I could also tell when someone's "good" clothes supply was non-existent.  It allowed littles to have more autonomy dressing themselves.

Do everything WITH them.  I know it's faster to do it yourself.  I know they can't do it nearly as well as you.  NONE of that is relevant.  You are raising humans not babies.  You don't want them to grow into incompetent adults, or worse teens, who can't do anything and expect you to do it.   Do it with them, teach them to do things, let them do things independently, give them the accountability they need and crave to do it well and regularly.  If you need checklists, great.  Not everything has to be stored in your head.  Make everything as automatic and brainless as possible.

We have a Master List of Meals so I don't have reinvent the wheel each week for meal planning.  I have a grocery list so I can just run down it and think, "Do I have this?" instead of, "What do I need?"

Laundry - everyone can help.  Your 11yo, 10yo, and 9yo can run a washer and dryer and sort.  The others can dig through the piles and sort.  We currently have a laundry basket for each room.  On each day, the big kid does the laundry for their room.  It goes to the laundry room on their day and, ideally, should be back in their room by the late afternoon.  Keep in mind this wasn't how I used to do it.  I think this is easier but it's never been proven with a ton of littles.

Make meals easy.  Meat, a veggie, a salad.  Meat can be grilled, roasted, and crockpotted - all of which can be prepped during naptime.

Naptime is "read or sleep." These are the only two options.  It allows me down time, time to do projects, or just time to work with olders, though they really need the downtime as well.

Checklists are your friend.  I have them laminated and posted in most rooms - what is a clean kitchen? What is a clean bathroom?  What must Mom do with each child for school? What must each child do for their own school? Laminated allows for dry erase.

Remember, your responsibility isn't to do all the things.  It's to equip the kids to do things.  You are the Director and the Accountability Manager.  This is different than Chief  Doer of Things.  I wish I had learned that early on.  

[J-rap]

Wow, you are an amazing woman!!

I know someone here suggested colored cups already, so I wanted to add to that.  My dh is from a family about that size, and each child in that family had a color for everything, not just cups.  It sounds like such a simple thing, but I know it made their mother's life so much easier!!  So they had their own color throughout their entire childhood for a drinking cup, toothbrush, towel, washcloth -- maybe other things too, but those are the main things.  

[LucyStoner]

2 hours ago, J-rap said:

Wow, you are an amazing woman!!

I know someone here suggested colored cups already, so I wanted to add to that.  My dh is from a family about that size, and each child in that family had a color for everything, not just cups.  It sounds like such a simple thing, but I know it made their mother's life so much easier!!  So they had their own color throughout their entire childhood for a drinking cup, toothbrush, towel, washcloth -- maybe other things too, but those are the main things.  

We have assigned colors here and it’s great- plates/bowl/mug, towels, toothbrush, water bottle, straw cup, sheets.  We extend this system to my 4 nieces and nephews who have each lived with us/spend a lot of time with us.  

[rebcoola]

Oh yes and I second the Nissan NV!!  

5 minute clean ups we did them at transitions but also any time I just looked around and got overwhelmed by the stuff.  You'd be amazed how clean can get in 5 minutes with that number of helpers.  

I can't remember all we did but I will say my house was actually much cleaner back than.  Because we couldn't just leave it we had to do dishes and clean up each day or we would have been buried alive.

[KungFuPanda]

Do you have the space/budget for an extra fridge, dryer, or dishwasher? It seems like those machines would be handy. 

[BlsdMama]

2 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

Oooh, Kelly brought you a good point that I do but didn’t say - I am the Manager here, I’m not the primary doer anymore. With that many people the work load is intense if mama tries to manage it herself and the kids aren’t well equipped either.
 

My thing is that I assign jobs by the YOUNGEST person who can do them. So, like, my seven year old is my current sweeper and baby entertainer. My ten year old unloads the dishes, the thirteen year old washes and loads, the twelve year old cleans the table and trays and helps with toy pickup, and they do all the laundry folding for themselves. Breakfast is usually a pooled effort of the oldest three except on weekends when Daddy makes pancakes. Toy pickup inside and out is inspected and directed by me but everyone who can walk does it (and the one who can’t walk still can hand things to the others).

Reordering my mental priorities a few kids ago had to happen. The sheer workload of that many people and their stuff is really untenable for mom, alone. The kids are generally cheerful helpers once trained to do a job, and that does take time to build up. But everyone is involved in keeping this ship afloat. I try to save gross or difficult jobs (like diapers and bathroom scrubbing) for myself still, but splitting tasks among all of them makes less work for me AND keeps the house functioning. It’s just part of a larger family, I think, that mom eventually becomes the main manager and schedule juggler but not the one who actually executes each individual task anymore.

This exactly.  My oldest daughter changed precious few diapers, but loved to cook and I taught her everything she needed to be equipped to do it well.  And, honestly? By the time they are 17/18, they are no longer the kiddo I'm going to for help/assistance.  Oh, they still take care of their stuff (their night to cook, their own room, laundry, doing their share of contribution when they are home) but their focus is largely onto their adult life -  out of the home with work and classes.  My 12yo has her own night to cook and the newly turned 10yo is getting to the point where she is getting there for a simple meal.  The 9yo is MY helper on my night so I can equip her!

The concept that you need to be asking the youngest person (or the most unwilling) seems contradictory.  But what you really seek is willing and well equipped children who can "jump in."  One thing we consciously STOPPED doing was kid chore lists.  There are room checklists but NEVER a chore chart by child.  Why? Because then I would hear, "But I did MY stuff."  No, dude, wrong idea.  You're part of a FAMILY.  The family needs to contribute to take care of the family.  Responsibility doesn't stop at your own little bubble.  And to that end, if you're going to do that? Then you need to be super conscious of not always relying on that one kid who is willing and can do everything capably.  She's being punished for being competent!  I pick the kid who is going to resist the most or who does it the worst - that kid needs more practice. 😉

[Condessa]

5 hours ago, Ottakee said:

I did the different color cups for each kid when I had a lot of kids at home.  Worked well....even the 18 month old knew the yellow sippy cup was his 

I agree to needing support and a place to share the joys, vent your frustrations, cry, etc.  If you don't have someone local, maybe someone to call and chat while you take a walk.

Sadly, you are likely to get a lot of "well, you chose this" or "if it is too much, don't do it" type comments  Just because you chose this and it is the right thing to do, does NOT make it easy.

Also, again sadly, the church and neighborhood help that is there for a new baby, isn't there when you take in older kids.   Often there are no meal drop offs, offers to help, etc.  If there are, take them.  

 

I so wish we lived near my side of the family.  They are super supportive, and even sent birthday presents for our littlest one's birthday two weeks after she came to us.  We are much nearer dh's family, and they think we are nuts.

[Condessa]

22 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Do you have the space/budget for an extra fridge, dryer, or dishwasher? It seems like those machines would be handy. 

We just got a second fridge and I am on the lookout for a freezer, so I can meal plan further out and shop less frequently. I don't think the dryer or dishwasher are possible.

[fairfarmhand]

I *only* have 4 kids, but when I  only kept the amount of clothing we needed for a cycle of laundry plus 3 outfits in case I got behind, my life changed immensely. The clothes were able to fit better in dresser drawers. etc. I also went very basic for matching stuff. For instance, I would keep solid bottoms that would match with most of the tops over the printed bottoms that only matched one or two shirts. This helped my littles more easily dress themselves without looking too silly and I didn't have to think about matching stuff.

I got to where I sorted hand me downs without my girls around because they wanted to keep EVERY THING. Even if it didnt work for our modesty standards or match with any other item in the closet. Things I didn't want were stored out of sight so I could pass them on to others who might use them.

Also simplifying shoes was a good thing too. Kids got one pair flip flops, one pair sneakers, one pair of dress shoes for church. I could keep up with 3 pr shoes per kid ironically. When we had lots of shoes, I was always struggling to find 2 matching shoes as we hustled out the door.

Don't know if you're church going people but it works for almost anything that has you going out in the morning...prep for this occurs the night before, baths, clothes matching, finding shoes, figuring out what breakfast is...every detail was planned the night before and laid out so I could SEE what was needed, down to the socks and undies. Nothing makes my worshipful spirit go sideways like insanity and arguing in the morning before church.

We tied daily clean ups to our meal routine. Like tidy the living room before dinner, put away school books before snack. Kids are much more cheerful about helping out when they know it's something good coming next. And there's less foot dragging about getting things done.

[ktgrok]

I don't have nearly as many, but I hate houswork and am not good at routine, so if it helps me it might help others. 

Laundry: . 1 small laundry basket or dishbin or whatever per person. Every morning everyone brings me all the laundry they can find and it goes in the hamper in the kitchen (where my washer and dryer are - so laundry room or whatever). I sort and wash and dry during the day, as even my 10 yr old can't reach in the washer to take stuff out. As I take it out of the dryer I put the clothes UNFOLDED into the person's basket. (I use the cheap $1 baskets from Walmart). Anything that might get wrinkled and matter I drape over the side of the basket to keep it from being crumpled, but most of their clothes it just doesn't matter. I generally fold any communal household stuff as I take it out of the dryer, onto the table, but I do have a basket for that stuff if I'm in a rush. Then I drop off the basket in each person's room (or have them come get it) and they have to fold and put away. Or shove in the drawer, whatever. Not my problem. I do handle the 3 yr old's myself, but I don't fold anything, lol. 3T shirts are too small to bother to fold, same with shorts, etc. I just put them in the drawer somewhat in a stack. And she does help me put them in the drawers, so she can learn what goes where. I figure by 5 at the latest she can put her own away. Probably at 4. Not folding everyone's stuff was a huge burden off of me. I've even let go of my marital guilt and stopped folding DH's stuff for him - he gets a basket of clean clothes as well, and he can put them away or just dig through it. Not my problem. 

Because everyone is putting away only a few outfits each day no one minds doing it. Even me, and I hate putting away laundry. (if you are washing everything daily, there should really only be one outfit and one pair of pajamas per person per day, other than workout clothes or whatever)

Dishes: Ok, so if you pay dearly for water this may not be okay with you, but after talking with others on this board I went NUTS and started running the dishwasher at LEAST twice a day, often 3 times. I know, crazy! I hear all this "run it every night even if not full" and I was like, ok...so no more than once a day. Except then I'm trying to wedge things in and rearranging to make it fit and a bunch doesn't fit and ends up sitting in the sink and then people see stuff in the sink and that's somehow permission to throw more stuff in the sink, etc etc. So now it gets run mid day and in the evening, and I'm thinking of adding a regular third time. But...water is cheap here, and it doesn't use that much electricity, and the sanity is worth it. I tried limiting how many dishes instead, but some kept going missing, lol. I think the 3 yr old throws them away sometimes? 

Also, I rearranged my kitchen cabinet organization so that kids could reach all the plates, bowls, cups, etc without a stool. It's weird, no one would think that is where the plates should go if they were in my kitchen, but now I can feel satisfied that even the 7 yr old can unload the dishwasher safely. I didn't like kids climbing on stuff with glass in their hands, so kept doing it myself. Now, no excuse for them not to do it. And anything odd they can't reach easily they can leave on the counter in a designated spot for me to deal with. (say, a giant mason jar I had out for something)

Zones - kids have zones to clean, so they aren't fighting over who left what mess, and I can tell who didn't do their cleaning, etc. It gives them ownership of the job. And I can yell "quick zone clean" and everyone knows what to do rather than me having to say specific tasks. OH! And it stopped all the fighting - before they'd try to clean the same room at the same time and fight over who was cleaning more, etc. I hated it. This is better. 

[Alicia64]

I only have two kids and one husband, but I got mugs that each had the initial of their name on them.

You could even use plain mugs from the dollar store and Sharpie pen the letter on.

This helped w/ my three.

You're a wonderful person.

W.

[KungFuPanda]

This might sound silly, but if you have a multi-story house, having a main-floor hamper is ridiculously useful. It keeps you from piling things near steps (or tossing them down the steps) to deal with them later. It also looks so much neater than a random, roving clothes basket sitting out. 

[Jaybee]

I'm now past that stage with ours, but things that were helpful (in addition to many suggestions above that we implemented):

Have a daily routine, rather than a strict schedule. We do this, then we do that...It helped things run smoothly, kept kids feeling more secure because they knew what to expect, and was just easier if I accepted that life worked better that way. We usually started school about 9, which gave time to get the kitchen cleaned up, clothes in the washer, and so on, without being too rushed. Every day, include outside time (depending on the weather, it can be a healthy time for you as well, to spend some time reading or working outside), and quiet time. Quiet time , depending on the age, was right after lunch; younger ones napped, older ones read or played with legos or something in their rooms, and I either napped or read as well. I needed this time to make it to the end of the day. You might have to work on this for awhile with new ones, depending on their personalities. After naps, then snacks or tea time, then outdoor play, if that works for your family.

Before I was at the "do your own laundry" stage, which is challenging timing-wise sometimes even with only two at home, I had a "darks" and a "lights" basket, and even very little kids could manage sorting their clothes that way. And I did at least one, often two, loads a day. Making it part of the daily routine was easier than playing catch-up. Clothes were brought in time for me to start a load before school. 

I did have chore charts that rotated, but there were times when everybody pitched in. And I had the great epiphany one night when I was frustrated that I should include "Help Mom with dinner" on the chart (don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before). That gave me individual time with one of the kids, helped me out, and taught them how to prepare meals. I tried not to just give them the boring stuff like making the salad, but also learning how to actually cook things. It paid me back in spades for the time invested, and prepared them for adulthood. When we were expecting guests, either for something like Thanksgiving or for overnight, I made a list of everything that needed to be done and put it in a central place. Then we would all pitch in, initialing which ones we would be responsible for, and marking through them when they were complete. It included everything from making tea to making beds, etc. We enjoyed having guests, so this was fun as we anticipated time with our friends. If you don't want to do assigned chore charts, you could implement something like this on a more frequent basis.

Simplify meals. A large heavy stockpot (or two) is great to have on hand. I also have, and wish I had two, a large heavy stainless steel baking pan; picture 9x13x2, only about twice the capacity. I use it so often even now. It isn't real pretty, but it sure is useful. I'm not at home, or I would measure it for you. Great for lasagna or casseroles, roasting veggies, rolls, you name it. A hearty stew or soup can be made at your convenience during the day, and will then be ready whenever it is needed without worry about timing. If you include a variety of vegetables in it, and add some homemade rolls, cornbread, or brown bread, you have a pleasing, nutritious, and filling meal. In food prep, doubling and freezing half is helpful; not that much extra work, but then it's done for a future too-busy-to-cook day.

If you are homeschooling, spend some special time with the littles reading and cuddling before you start headlong into the school day. It helps them then be less demanding and happier playing while you work with the olders. Start the day with devotions, read-alouds for pleasure, history, etc., with everybody, then split up into doing individual work. Each child has a checklist of their work for the day, and can immediately see what they will need to do.

Simplify life. We did have music lessons, and sometimes sports for one or another, but we did not fill our schedule to the brim. It wasn't possible, and would have been too tiring and frustrating to keep up with.

Organization is definitely your friend, and your own self-discipline in this area can make everything easier and less stressful for all, and much more freeing. It doesn't need to feel like it's run military-style, but (in my experience) when you accept that certain things must be done in certain ways, all goes more smoothly. For example, when I only had two and we didn't have a yard, I had to realize that whether I wanted to go to the park after naps or not, they needed it, and everybody was happier and healthier when it happened. When I had four, the youngest two twins, I had to realize that at least for a time, outside activities were not feasible, and it was neither lazy or selfish for me to simply keep up with things at home and not worry about anything beyond that. By the time I had six, my older ones were very helpful. My own lack of discipline had to be whipped into shape as the family grew, but then it made for a much more relaxed and peaceful home. My mother would say to other people things about my being so busy and having my hands full. But I would think to myself that I didn't feel as busy as she made it sound, because I deliberately kept our lives more simple and orderly. Btw, I had a cousin, middle of three kids, who used to think it was kind of funny how organized my mother was, because her home life was very sporadic and spontaneous. It was a happy home, but run in a very slap-happy way. As an adult who ended up with a blended family of six kids, she said she understood my mom so much better, because that was the only way she could keep up with life.

Blessings on your growing family!

[Ottakee]

Could you rotate where each older child gets a day of the week or a week to be "it"...the one that can skip the rest time to get 1:1 time with mom or gets to stay up 1/2 hour later for 1:1 time with mom and dad, gets to go along to run errands, maybe gets to pick a $1 treat somewhere, etc.   The kids will crave 1:1 time.

Also though make sure that you get some QUIET mom time and some time with our dh.  Come what may, your sanity and your relationship with dh are key to making this all work.

[fairfarmhand]

One trick that I had to keep the "Not my job" monster at bay while fairly distributing chores was to make a list just for me. 

So on my notepad, I'd write each kid's name with the chores I wanted for them to do that day. I would tell the kids their job assignments but they never saw the list themselves so it wasn't like the had the idea that they had "done their time" and were exempt from being asked to do something else. OF course this meant that I had to ask the kids to do the thing, but I found that with checklists, I was always asking them to do the checklist too. So it just all depends on how you want to run your house and which things annoy you.

[Ottakee]

1 minute ago, fairfarmhand said:

One trick that I had to keep the "Not my job" monster at bay while fairly distributing chores was to make a list just for me. 

So on my notepad, I'd write each kid's name with the chores I wanted for them to do that day. I would tell the kids their job assignments but they never saw the list themselves so it wasn't like the had the idea that they had "done their time" and were exempt from being asked to do something else. OF course this meant that I had to ask the kids to do the thing, but I found that with checklists, I was always asking them to do the checklist too. So it just all depends on how you want to run your house and which things annoy you.

Another trick I found kids that were a bit older (say 8 and above) is that I made a list of all of the things that needed doing and then each kid got to pick 1, 2, 3, etc. of the jobs (depending on how many there were) and MOM had to do the ones they didn't pick.  They LOVED this as it gave them control and they all thought it was funny that mom got stuck cleaning the chicken coop or bathroom.....but in the end, I had a lot less work to do, they were much more cooperative, and the work all got done.

[HS Mom in NC]

I grew up on a farm with 3 older brothers and a step-sister visiting on some weekends for a while. We had drinking cups designated by cartoon character.  We each had a designated clean laundry bin in the laundry room along with 2 washers and 2 dryers because we had school clothes and chore/dirty play clothes. My mother color coded socks and underwear for my brothers with a colored dot on the waistbands/tags and toe seams as needed. 

I know large homeschooling (and non-homeschooling) families that assign a color for each kid.  For example,  kid#1 would be assigned a red: toothbrush, 2 drinking cups, bath towel, swim towel, flip flops, backpack, jacket, lunchbox, water bottle, spiral notebooks, 3 ring binders, pencils, scissors, suitcase, hairbrush, comb, school supply bin, storage bins in shared spaces, laundry hamper, toiletries basket, etc.  When something isn't available in all or mostly one color, colored tape, paper, or ribbon can be attached to many items like scissors, school books, or the handles of black suitcases. Kid#2 might be assigned pink. Kid #3 might be assigned blue. Stick with colors that are the most available.

I've heard of some families keeping the bathroom clutter and toiletries disputes down by giving each child a toiletries basket for their own stuff: toothbrush, toothpaste tube, mouthwash, deodorant, hairbrush, comb, shave cream, all in one shampoo/conditioner/body wash, razor. The basket stays on a shelf in the child's bedroom until they're needed in the bathroom or if the basket has a handle they can be hung on the towel holder hanging on the back of each bedroom door. When the child is done in the bathroom it all goes back on the shelf and towel holder in the child's bedroom. This is a way to see who is using products at a reasonable rate and who is being unreasonable.  In the bathroom there are 1 or 2 of the typical communal items: hairdryer, curling iron, feminine hygiene products bin, toilet paper, cleaning supplies,  hand soap, hand towels, etc.

If your 8+ year old can't reach the bottom of the washer without a stool, buy a stool. If that kid still can't reach, then team up that kid with one who can and the one who can takes over the hauling hampers, washing, and drying for both and the one who can't folds and puts them on hangers for both of them.  They each put their own stuff away in closets and drawers.  If they can't reach the hanging bar in the closet, get an extension that lowers a bar to the middle of the closet height or give them folded storage space in the closet or under the bed or wherever. I think hanging is more efficient and stands up to rummaging through better than folding, but do what works for you.

Assign a day of the week and time of day each kid or team does laundry:
Mon/AM-Rupert
Mon/PM-Brunhilda & Hortence
Tues/AM-Mom
Tues/PM-Helga
Wed/AM-Oleg
Wed/PM-Pepe

Assign daily chores plus a weekly chore each day of the week throughout the week if you want your weekends free of weekly chores.

Cook Once, Eat Twice. Make enough of a recipe that it feeds the whole family twice. Choose recipes that reheat well. If you come up with 4 lunches and 4 dinners and keep breakfast simple, (toast, scrambled eggs, milk, cereal, oatmeal, yogurt with fruit/nuts) you can minimize shopping time, food prep time, cooking time, kitchen clean up time, and cost by getting cheaper bulk items and using up ingredients. Eat the leftover half on days you're too stressed to cook or you just want to focus your energy on other things.

*Pro Tip* Save each meal plan and the grocery list that goes with it for future use. Organize the list by store layout to cut down shopping time. After you get 3-4 done you can simply rotate them for as long as it serves you.  Put the grocery list in a plastic page protector and use a wet erase marker to first go through your fridge and pantry to mark off what you already have, then take it with you to the store to get the rest. 

Some things are worth doing on an even larger scale.  For example, if you buy as many chicken breasts as fit in one or two grilling session(s), cook them all at once, let them cool , consider pre-cutting them if you prefer, then freeze the extras for flexible, quick meals like:
1. chicken tacos with a chicken taco spice packet, packaged tortillas, shredded Mexican cheese, onions, salsa, greens.
2. chicken Caesar salad with packages of greens, packaged croutons, pre-shredded Parmesan, and a bottle of Caesar dressing
3. chicken salad sandwiches and chips or whatever fruit is easy.
4. chicken rice bowls with whatever rice, veg, and toppings you prefer like leftover Mexican cheese and salsa, or as fried rice with soy sauce, peas, scrambled eggs, carrots, soybeans, scallions.

Assign seating in the vehicle and at the table if it makes life easier. You can strategize by putting the less capable people between the more capable people for buckling in and passing heavy platters of food. If you put lefties and the ends of a rectangular table and a crowded table, it makes a difference and it eliminates more squabbling.

I knew a very large family that had all the kids wear the same bright colored t-shirts when going to park days at our 100+ family homeschool group.  The mom could spot her kids quickly and count them as they played in the mass of children. Another mom of 5 brought her older kids who didn't need immediate supervision to park days with walkie talkies.  She had one too to call them in as needed without having to gather littles she was immediately supervising and hunt down older kids over a very large area. One mom had her littles wear red shirts to pizza activities so she didn't have to worry about stains. Another mom had a very loud, distinct,  quick, 2 pitch whistle sound she could do from moderately loud to extremely loud volumes (it wasn't the one most people think of) so she could quickly call all of her kids at the same time out of a very large group of playing children.Kinda like Von Trapp in the movie, but not dehumanizing. It was a non-verbal, "Hey, [Smith] kids, time to go."

[Excelsior! Academy]

I did a very similar thing to you years ago.  We had 4 children and took on my sister's 4 children one night without notice.  At the time our biological children were 11, 8, 6 and 4.  Our other, now adopted, children were 4, 2, 1, and a few months.  It was hard.  It is okay to scale back school, chores, and routines.  We created a family closet, made a meal rotation schedule, and blocked out our day.  Mornings were school and afternoons were naps.  Unless there was an extreme emergency we didn't go anywhere in the afternoon, ever. 

[HS Mom in NC]

Be sure your emotional/moral support is trauma informed, fostercare knowledgeable. Many issues, particularly attachment related, can be counter-intuitive to people who haven't dealt with these types of issues. If there's a Trauma Mamas group near you, get in contact with them yesterday.

[ktgrok]

41 minutes ago, Excelsior! Academy said:

I did a very similar thing to you years ago.  We had 4 children and took on my sister's 4 children one night without notice.  At the time our biological children were 11, 8, 6 and 4.  Our other, now adopted, children were 4, 2, 1, and a few months.  It was hard.  It is okay to scale back school, chores, and routines.  We created a family closet, made a meal rotation schedule, and blocked out our day.  Mornings were school and afternoons were naps.  Unless there was an extreme emergency we didn't go anywhere in the afternoon, ever. 

You are amazing, but let me say also, that a family closet is one of my life goals. 

We basically had one when I was growing up - a large laundry room (actually a non air conditoined shed) that had enough room for stacks of everyone's laundry, and a hanging rack. Loved it. Want it. 

[HS Mom in NC]

My mother instituted mandatory siestas for the 4-5 of us in summer. I wasn't homeschooled.  Between 2-4 every day that we didn't have any company over we had to be in our bedrooms with the doors closed. We could have a drink and snack with us.  We could do whatever to entertain ourselves, but we had to keep the noise in our bedrooms.  We didn't have tvs or computers in our rooms. The only reason we could be out of our bedrooms was if our eyeballs were bleeding or our hair was on fire.

At my house we put the most regularly used dishes in the bottom cabinets so the kids could unload the dishwasher entirely on their own.  We have a lightweight spray bottle style mop so there's no heavy water bucket needed for mopping. A canister vacuum has been easier for my young kids to manage than an upright.  All those chores they do independently and correctly by age 6. 

[Tap]

I read through a lot of the posts but not all of them. The one thing that I know a dear friend does, is every Friday night they have pizza on paper. So, one night a week, she can skip planning cooking, prep and dishes.  It is her one night, that she can take time to just enjoy the kids without the meal time tasks

[Moonhawk]

We only have 4 kids, so idk how this all would scale up. But with the business, we've had to streamline where we can.

On laundry, everyone has a day they do their own clothes + one other load:

• Monday the 6yo does his clothes and cleaning rags
• Tuesday is the 9yo, he does his clothes and the boy sheets
• Wednesday is 11yo, she does her clothes and the 3yo's clothes
• Thursday is 9yo/me, we do bath towels
• Friday is 11yo/me, we do girl sheets
• Saturday are my clothes + whatever still needs to be done, like large blankets or whatever
• Sunday is DH
• Nightly, we do the kitchen towels (on occasion we skip it for a night if it isn't necessary.) This is the 9yo's job, but the others help folding and putting away.

SNACK TRAYS HAVE SAVED MY LIFE. In morning, put cut veggies onto pie plates. Put pie plate on table. Anyone that complains about hunger is directed to the pie plate. Also have a fruit drawer in fridge they can eat from IF the veggie tray is done. YMMV on the rule part, the main idea is just to get people to stop asking if we can have a snack or when is snack time or what can they have for a snack or is there any possibility of maybe just a teensy weensy snack or did I know that their snack is already gone and....

4-5pm, while I'm making dinner*, is clean up time. They can have free time in the evening if the house has been cleaned up. It's really not that much to do, and a whole hour to do it. The main problem is goofing off, but again, no free time until it's done, so it evens out eventually. 

*I've actually started to make the mornings my kitchen time, where I do EVERYTHING in the kitchen before lunch. So make snack trays, dinner, get lunch ready, water filtering, make the cold coffee, clean out the fridge, etc. So that way after lunch I'm free of the kitchen except reheating dinner (10 min max). This works for me because otherwise it feels I'm in the kitchen constantly with only small breaks to put out other fires. Would be harder to make it happen if people were less independent -- the 3yo wanders between me and her toys and the 6yo usually goes outside since it's the coolest part of the day and he needs a solid 2 hours out at least. Week 6 of this experiment, going well so far.

[HS Mom in NC]

I have a friend with 7 kids, all 2 years apart, who always kept emergency back ups in her vehicle: unisex tops, unisex drawstring bottoms, and unisex flip flops, all in sizes x-small, small, medium, large, and extra large. There was a set of packaged water bottles,  packaged single serve snacks (higher nutrient granola bars,) a towel, and emergency diapers and wipes. With so many kids and being out and about a lot, she could carry on if someone had a wardrobe emergency from spills, mud, bathroom accidents, "accidentally falling" into the ponds at park days (I'm looking at you, Grant, her 3rd child), wardrobe malfunctions, and such.  It took a lot of focused, coordinated effort to get everyone to an event or running errands out of the house, so she dramatically reduced the chances that the above type situations would force her to go home before she was done.  Having a quality packed snack for times life forced a delay on her reduced hangry meltdowns. It did reduce cargo space, so there's a trade off there. It was worth it to her.

Back up snacks at the ready at all times will be important if a fosterchild has experienced neglect in regards to food, which fosterparenting classes should have covered in detail.

[Condessa]

4 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

I have a friend with 7 kids, all 2 years apart, who always kept emergency back ups in her vehicle: unisex tops, unisex drawstring bottoms, and unisex flip flops, all in sizes x-small, small, medium, large, and extra large. There was a set of packaged water bottles,  packaged single serve snacks (higher nutrient granola bars,) a towel, and emergency diapers and wipes. With so many kids and being out and about a lot, she could carry on if someone had a wardrobe emergency from spills, mud, bathroom accidents, "accidentally falling" into the ponds at park days (I'm looking at you, Grant, her 3rd child), wardrobe malfunctions, and such.  It took a lot of focused, coordinated effort to get everyone to an event or running errands out of the house, so she dramatically reduced the chances that the above type situations would force her to go home before she was done.  Having a quality packed snack for times life forced a delay on her reduced hangry meltdowns. It did reduce cargo space, so there's a trade off there. It was worth it to her.

Back up snacks at the ready at all times will be important if a fosterchild has experienced neglect in regards to food, which fosterparenting classes should have covered in detail.

 

We've never actually had a foster parenting class, but have educated ourselves about it.

[Condessa]

On 7/21/2020 at 7:24 PM, Momto6inIN said:

Do a once a month stock up trip at Sam's or Aldi or wherever for nonperishables. Only get dairy and meat and produce once a week.

Do a load or 2 of laundry every day.

Think about investing in a commercial size washer/dryer and fridge.

Drink bands so you only have 10 glasses a day instead of eleventy billion.

Once every week or 2 set aside 2 hours for cleaning. Everybody helps, put on fun music, work feverishly during that 2 hours, then call it good enough til next time. And don't feel guilty about not doing it more often or for longer.

 

These drink bands are great!  So simple, and they save a ton of hassle.