Can we talk about grey hair and coloring?

[PeterPan]

I'm not sure what I think of this. My hairdresser finally gave me the wow you should think about a partial to cover some of the grey that has been coming in. Something about taking off 5 years, lol. And the thing I hadn't caught onto is, not to put anyone on the spot here, but does it seem like NO ONE wants to go grey anymore? Like not that I *want* to, but I'm looking around and seemingly almost EVERYONE has colored it some how! Like I was looking at church, and seemingly *one woman* had her natural grey popping through. Everyone was colored in some way.

Hairdresser didn't seem to think that I'd go precipitously all white any time soon. I'm just kinda straggling in, but it seemed to speed up recently. Mid-40s. Naturally dark hair. I think it's lighter overall than it was and a little less thick. 

But I'm also very sensitive and not the person to just put anything on my skin. Even "natural" products give me rashes, and I think getting into that trap of coloring a lot would not make me feel good. But I also don't want to look BAD, kwim? 

So it seems to me I can either find a place that has some sort of natural dyes (I've heard this exists) and follow cultural trends OR go down a really natural path and just let it do what it's doing. And honestly, it doesn't bug me. It's not a ton, and it's almost kind of distinctive. She just thought I was young for it. But I've been watching Makeover Guy on youtube, and that seems to be the common refrain.

If you do permanent coloring, even as partials, then do you have to keep doing it? If you had dark and just let it go, were you glad or did you feel like 10 years later you needed some kind of radical makeover? Did you *think* you wanted to start one way and then changed to the other? Are you glad you did what you did? Oh, and fwiw, my mother is still not completely grey but more salt and peppery. I think maybe I'm going to be more grey than her. But no, I don't think she has ever colored. I could ask, but I don't think so.

So what do you think? How did you decide and are you glad you did it that way? I guess just for fun I'll add a poll. 

Edited March 10, 2020 by PeterPan

[Junie]

I couldn't vote on the second question.  I always assumed I would not color and when I got there I didn't color.

[Shoeless]

For years, I was only about 25% grey.  I dyed my hair on a lark and then felt trapped into the cycle of always having to dye it.  I stopped colouring my hair a few years ago because it felt so fried and damaged from the chemicals.  My hair is a lot healthier than a few years back and I am happy to not have to bother with colouring it. 

I do think I will start dying my hair again, though. I am probably 75% grey now and I just don't like it!  The colour ages me a bit, but mostly I just don't think I look that good with grey hair.  My natural colour is dark blonde, so the grey kinda sorta blends in, but every so often I look in the mirror and think "Holy cats, that's not a good look". 

Edited March 10, 2020 by MissLemon

[Pen]

Wigs option?

[Junie]

I have dark brown hair and over the past few years I have developed silver highlights.  Silver, not grey. 😉

I have always planned that I would not dye my hair.  I tend to go very low maintenance on my hair -- no hair dryer, no hairspray, very few styling products (and even then not very often).

I mean, I guess I *might* change my mind later on, but I kind of doubt it.

 

[HSmomof2]

I’m about half gray, and not a pretty silver or white at this time.....it’s an uneven gray/brown mix. I thought I was going to let it go gray naturally, then I went to the doctor and the receptionist was updating my account. They had an old employer listed for me, and I said I no longer worked there. She asked if I’d retired! I’m in my mid-40’s. My skin looks younger than my actual age, but my hair was aging me. When I got home, I made an appointment to have it colored and haven’t looked back. I won’t color forever, but I think until I actually do retire. 

[sweet2ndchance]

I got my first gray hairs at 22. Whether it was an early sign of thyroid disease or the outcome of having 3 kids under 3yo at the time, I will never know. Probably both lol.

But I've colored my hair since I was 12. Not because I didn't like my natural hair color but because coloring my hair was fun, lol. When I was a teenager, my parents would only let me do lighter or darker shades of my natural color which is a medium brown with a tendency for strawberry blonde highlights with enough sun exposure. As an adult, I've dyed it completely dark strawberry blonde (I've never bleached it so it has always had at least hints of brown), various shades of auburn and dark red and even purple (as recently as last year lol)  because it's my favorite color lol.

When I was in my thirties, particularly my early thirties, I colored with the intent to cover my increasing grays but the older I get the less motivated I am to do so. I'm in my early 40s now and there is no doubt I have a lot of grays but I guess I'm starting to embrace it? lol. My grays are very silvery and actually look like highlights in the right light. Some of my grays are difficult to differentiate from my hair's natural tendency to lighten with sun exposure. The only thing that gives some of them away is the change in texture.

I wasn't sure what to put on your second question. I starting getting so many grays so young that I'd never really thought about what I would do with them and I had always enjoyed coloring my hair so I wasn't dying to specifically color them, I was just coloring because I enjoy changing my hair color now and then. Oh and I've always colored my own hair at home using everything from $5 boxes of dye from the regular store to custom mixes from beauty supply stores. The one time I let a hairdresser color my hair is the only time I have hated the outcome. I asked for light honey brown and she dyed it so dark brown that it was almost black. I spent weeks doing everything short of bleaching it to try and lighten it and finally gave up and just let it grow out. I've always been pleased with the result doing it myself, never had a bad experience. But I'm also of the opinion that it's just hair and it will always grow out if I don't like it. I'm not one to get terribly upset over a bad haircut or a dye job that doesn't quite meet my expectations. 

[MercyA]

I was never going to color my hair. Vanity, upkeep, etc.

Once I did it I loved it. No going back anytime soon. I do look 5-10 years younger. Totally worth the $ and time.

I get it done once a month and use powder root touchup for the last week and a half  or so before coloring. Root touchup isn't necessary with semi-permanent coloring, which slowly washes out so there is no line of demarcation. I used semi-perm for a while until the coverage wasn't cutting it and it gave me the courage to go for permanent color.

ETA: DH liked it just fine with the gray and actually preferred that I not dye. This is for me. But he did say that it makes me more confident and that is attractive.

Edited March 10, 2020 by MercyA

[Laura Corin]

@PeterPan I can't vote, because I can't leave the second half blank. I didn't change my mind.

I love my short grey hair, no regrets, I wear silver accessories to emphasise it. 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Laura Corin

[Kate in Arabia]

I didn't vote because I'm mid-possible-shift.  I started going noticeably gray in my late 20s so starting coloring then.. I've crossed 50 and have been toying with the idea of letting it grow out to its natural color (mostly white/gray now). Dh is... not sure. I think he was a little taken aback.  He's younger than I am, and maybe is not at the point yet of embracing age?  I feel like I'm there.  I'm not sure if I'll just go cold turkey and deal or try some variety of treatment to blur the line a bit.  At the moment I'm kind of enjoying the color coming with the roots...

[klmama]

I have silver streaks.  I usually ignore them.  I despise fluorescent lighting in public restrooms, because the silver seems to reflect more there and makes my hair look wild.  

I've been seeing more and more ladies with completely white hair who totally rock it.  They look so much younger now that they stopped dying it.

[Chris in VA]

Now I'm going back thru my post-a-pucture thread to see everyone's hair...

I used to highlight mine, before having greys. I never really planned on coloring.I have a lot coming in and have thought about coloring, but I like being natural.   I am at a point in my own development where I am not just accepting my culturally conditioned thoughts about how people should be; looking younger is certainly a value in my society and I am trying to question why I value that, esp when I also value the non-physical attributes of aging, which can include wisdom, ability to mentor because of experience, and other wonderful characteristics (looking at the positive stereotype instead of the negative). 

 

 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Chris in VA

[klmama]

StellaM, one woman I see regularly has shoulder-length layered curls with average frizz.  Another has wiry hair that she brushes back from her face; given that it stays put, she must use a lot of product to tame it.  Still stunning.  Do you use any products in your hair?  Maybe a different product or even a different styling technique would help.  

ETA: The main reason it's stunning is simply that the color looks so great on them.  White hair isn't just for the elderly anymore, lol!

Edited March 10, 2020 by klmama

[Pawz4me]

I started coloring mine years ago, I guess when I was in my early 40's. It was a very close match to my natural color (mostly made it shinier and more even), so even though my hair grows incredibly fast I only had to have it done every third haircut, which was every nine weeks. As I got older and got more gray every nine weeks wasn't often enough, so I had to consider either having it done much more often or stopping it. I decided to stop because I really didn't want to spend that many hours in the salon, and I knew I was getting to the age where some gray would look more natural than no gray. Also my hairdresser stopped coloring hers a few months before, and I liked it. So I stopped. I'm 57 now and I don't love the shot-through-with-gray look, but I do love not having to fuss with having it colored all the time. I dislike the texture more than the color. I still haven't figured out how to deal with it.

[MEmama]

I’d say most women in my general circle let themselves go grey. I’m probably an outlier who dyes it. I am 100% not interested in going grey yet, though I don’t stress about errant strands. I just do the roots at home every month or so, very low maintenance. I’m 47, have longish dark hair and have been doing this routine for years. Going grey looks messy on me and definitely ages me; I feel way too young for that thanks!

 

[ashfern]

I didn't vote because I still don't have gray hair. Most of my younger (in their 30's) friends do color their hair. My older sister colors her hair. For me, I wouldn't do it because I don't want to have to be dying my hair every 6 weeks. I'm a low maintenance kinda gal.

[DawnM]

I started seeing gray hairs in my 20's.  I do not look good gray.  I am a redhead and gray makes me look sallow and when I have gone too gray people ask if am ok. 😩

Kind of ticked right now because it looks like the color I usually use is being taken off the market.  I do it at home and one particular color from L'oreal is what I get the most compliments on.

I cut my own hair too.  I have long wavy hair and I just wash it, lie on the bed on my stomach, flip my hair over, and trim.  It gives it a nice layered look and if it isn't 100% even, no one notices because my waves are enough to be forgiving.

I would actually call that pretty low maintenance.  I color at home (watch TV or surf the net while my hair die sets in) and cut my hair in minutes.  No high cost, hours in the shop, or going anywhere.

[PeterPan]

6 hours ago, Plum said:

I heard a lot of women are going gray naturally and rocking it. I've seen a couple of articles about it.

Thank you for sharing that article! Loved the change of language there. 

[regentrude]

Can't vote because question 2 didn't have the option "never planned to color and not doing it".

I am going grey as I had always planned to do. I do not want to be forced into maintaining a coloring routine - grey roots in colored hair look unkempt, all grey looks just fine. I got it cut very short, and that makes me look quite a bit younger (at least that's what I am told)

Edited March 10, 2020 by regentrude

[marbel]

I started going grey in my mid-20s, just like my mom had. She never colored her hair so I doubt I expected to color it. But one day she told me she had regretted never coloring her hair and suggested I try it. "You have a lot of years to be grey."  So I bought of a box of semi-permanent color. And wow what a difference and what a positive reaction from people. (Just general, 'wow you look great today' kind of comments; this was in the 80s when it was OK to compliment people on their appearance.) 

So I kept it up till I was pregnant and let it grow out. It was horrible hair; weird texture, the color a steely grey, not pretty at all. So until the next pregnancy, and from then on, I keep coloring it.

Yeah, it's kind of a pain, and I get tired of it, but I am so not ready to look like an old hag.  And that doesn't mean I think everyone with grey hair looks like an old hag - like anything else, some people look good, some people don't.

As for it being on-trend to color, I don't think that's true at all. I've also seen articles about the beauty of grey hair. And it is beautiful, on beautiful women! It just makes me look very very old. 

I say, do what makes you happy. If your grey hair looks good to you, let it go. I would have done that, if it hadn't looked so bad. 

[PeterPan]

6 hours ago, Junie said:

I have dark brown hair and over the past few years I have developed silver highlights.  Silver, not grey. 😉

Oh that's interesting. I need to look, but to me these hairs (which started at 16 but have gotten more profuse with ds, haha) are WHITE. just totally out and out white. 

6 hours ago, MissLemon said:

For years, I was only about 25% grey.  I dyed my hair on a lark and then felt trapped into the cycle of always having to dye it.  I stopped colouring my hair a few years ago because it felt so fried and damaged from the chemicals.  My hair is a lot healthier than a few years back and I am happy to not have to bother with colouring it. 

I do think I will start dying my hair again, though. I am probably 75% grey now and I just don't like it!  The colour ages me a bit, but mostly I just don't think I look that good with grey hair.  My natural colour is dark blonde, so the grey kinda sorta blends in, but every so often I look in the mirror and think "Holy cats, that's not a good look". 

I think maybe you're nailing my quandry. I think the women who spend a lot of $/time/effort on it are getting nice results. Some look really, really nice, some just look overdyed. But it's nice and I might like the results! But I don't think I want to put in that time and effort, and I don't think that's me. 

6 hours ago, Plum said:

Dh encouraged me and likes it.

And see the opposite happened here. Dh was horrified. I can't figure out if there's some unnecessary reason for that or if he just likes me natural or what. I don't think his mother colored her hair either, but she also didn't have a lot of confidence about how she looked. I don't think it's good to go into a don't like how you look stage for 30 years either. 

6 hours ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I stopped doing highlights because they were a PITA, but the color alone isn’t. Every 4 weeks, which is when I go for my other stuff anyway,

Oh my. I got my hair trimmed 8 weeks ago and liked it, so I went back. This time she did something I DON'T LIKE, which is her habit, so I probably won't go back for 6 months till it grows back. I usually have been going in twice a year (before occasions) because the woman takes off too much hair and makes it look like I got hit by a weed whacker or run over by something. Hate it. And if you say no I want it this way, they get these horrible looks like you're too fat, you're too whatever for that. I think that's why I don't want to get trapped, because I don't like what they do to my hair anyway. 

Sorry, that's getting in the weeds. It's just to say you're right, that's really not me to be in there with that kind of frequency. She left me with more hair last time (not this time) and it needed to be trimmed at 8 weeks, which is really gobs. So this time she cut off so much I can hardly pull it up, pokes out everywhere, don't like it. And then I'm supposed to get sucked into coloring in the name of you don't look nice? She literally told me I NEEDED to do it. Not like oh options. Just you need to do this and take 5 years off. And I'm thinking BUT I LIKE WHO I AM NOW AND DON'T WANT TO BE 5 YEARS YOUNGER. Kwim? The logic escaped me. 

I think that makes sense though that letting it get more and then doing something more full (if it bugs me then) could be a plan. And I think it's going so fast that her "oh just 8 foils on top and one side" wouldn't stay that way. It's going to be all over. Well not in the back, haha. But I'm seeing it spread as I dig in. I'll bet in 3-6 months it's even more pervasive.

6 hours ago, Pen said:

Wigs option?

I have really healthy, nice hair! In fact, I would even say some women have hair envy with my hair, when it's completely done. Like not that I'm glam or beautiful, but my hair is healthy and wavy.

6 hours ago, HSmomof2 said:

She asked if I’d retired! I’m in my mid-40’s.

Ok, now it makes sense. So you're saying aging is you're now identifying visually with a wider, broader pool. So then they can't tell 50 vs. 60 vs. 70 vs 80. I think you're right in a sense. And you're right there's a lot they do (I'm being being discreet) to push back against that. And it has become our cultural norm, so much that women who do go grey and leave it really stand out. 

You know, I was just realizing I have one aunt who is natural, with gorgeous s&p, and another aunt who colors. I think color is harder to get right than grey, because most women I know who are grey look FINE and many women who color are too dark, unnatural, or just off somehow. 

6 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

Whether it was an early sign of thyroid disease or the outcome of having 3 kids under 3yo at the time,

I hadn't thought about a connection to thyroid, hmm. We've had a lot of stress with ds for a few years, but you're right my thyroid was wonky for a while and now back stable. 

6 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

I asked for light honey brown and she dyed it so dark brown that it was almost black.

Interesting. It does seem easy to end up too dark. Ironically, I have some natural red streaks, just a little bit. But no, she didn't offer me RED, hahaha.

6 hours ago, MercyA said:

DH liked it just fine with the gray and actually preferred that I not dye. This is for me. But he did say that it makes me more confident and that is attractive.

You're probably right that dh will deal with whatever I do, lol. Including red. 

5 hours ago, StellaM said:

Mine is white, not a lovely grey

I'm SO going to have to go look in the mirror now! I've been saying I was going grey, but I'm almost positive they're WHITE. Just color gone, all the way to white. I don't know that the texture has changed, which I saw some people saying on youtube can happen. So no funky textures, just streaks of white, zoom zoom, through my hair. Like a skunk. Not patches, just filtering through.

5 hours ago, StellaM said:

I would not do it in your situation, OP.

Thanks. 

4 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

I love my short grey hair, no regrets, I wear silver accessories to emphasise it. 

Smart! And you're right, I look good in silver and white gold. Now I need to look and see if this is grey or white. So if the hairs are white, not grey, do I still say I'm turning grey??? LOL

4 hours ago, StellaM said:

I forgot to say, I thought that I'd be the kind with  a long braid of gorgeous thick steely color hair. 

Ah, it's so sad when the imagination doesn't match the reality. We work with what we've got 🙂

You know, I think I'd be cool with just owning it it gets more pervasive, like just doubling down like that. 

4 hours ago, Kate in Arabia said:

I think he was a little taken aback.  He's younger than I am

Oh that makes sense and might explain why some people I know color, hmm. And you're right, my dh is older, which means an older look on me blends in. And he's going pretty quickly these days. He's at least 50% grey at this point, maybe farther. 

4 hours ago, klmama said:

I've been seeing more and more ladies with completely white hair who totally rock it.  They look so much younger now that they stopped dying it.

Yeah, it's not like people are fooled. If being dyed is the new aging look like grey with a round head of set hair was 40 years ago, then it's just a trade. And you're right, NOBODY is doing that old look like my grandma did with her hair curled every week and all grey. You just don't see that.

I'm still chewing over this idea that I could ponder how I look in relation to dh and whether his advice is based on his perception of himself as someone older. I can at least be intentional about that.

So what do we think, does Melania Trump have grey? She has constantly morphing hair, lol. I'm so boring most of the time, but I follow her. And the Donald, wow, that's the epitomy of coloring your hair to fight the impression of aging. 

Back to life, lol

3 hours ago, StellaM said:

 

But what is their white hair like ? I'd love to rock mine, but I have a feeling the women who rock it have those lovely smooth locks. Not like Ms Frizz-a-lot here.

I need to look at it a bit. My dd is coming home for spring break soon and can advise me. I don't *think* my texture has gotten funky on these hairs. They're silky and blend right in. It's just they're WHITE and increasing prolifically.

3 hours ago, Chris in VA said:

Now I'm going back thru my post-a-pucture thread to see everyone's hair...

I used to highlight mine, before having greys. I never really planned on coloring.I have a lot coming in and have thought about coloring, but I like being natural.   I am at a point in my own development where I am not just accepting my culturally conditioned thoughts about how people should be; looking younger is certainly a value in my society and I am trying to question why I value that, esp when I also value the non-physical attributes of aging, which can include wisdom, ability to mentor because of experience, and other wonderful characteristics (looking at the positive stereotype instead of the negative). 

 

 

YES, THIS!!!!!!!! This is my point. Not that I'm anti coloring, because I'm not. But if we're cool with ourselves, cool with who we've become, then why do we have to accept this new aging uniform of dyed hair? Why is NO ONE seemingly keeping it natural? I can understand some, but EVERYONE? It just seems like this whole cultural shift. And what does it do to us, to our culture to say don't look old, to ourselves to say don't accept being older? 

I think I get treated better with my grey hair. I get called Ma'am more and get really nice treatment honestly. And that's just in the last year or so that it has really started. And it's across locations, as I travel with ds. I'm getting treated in a respectful way that I want to be treated. Maybe the hair and the treatment go together? 

2 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

I started coloring mine years ago, I guess when I was in my early 40's. It was a very close match to my natural color (mostly made it shinier and more even), so even though my hair grows incredibly fast I only had to have it done every third haircut, which was every nine weeks. As I got older and got more gray every nine weeks wasn't often enough, so I had to consider either having it done much more often or stopping it. I decided to stop because I really didn't want to spend that many hours in the salon, and I knew I was getting to the age where some gray would look more natural than no gray. Also my hairdresser stopped coloring hers a few months before, and I liked it. So I stopped. I'm 57 now and I don't love the shot-through-with-gray look, but I do love not having to fuss with having it colored all the time. I dislike the texture more than the color. I still haven't figured out how to deal with it.

That might be what my stylist was thinking, that at this stage it would be less often (6-9 weeks) and that it would speed up as more comes in. Hmm, that makes sense. My hair grows pretty fast, so I think it could be that i'd need to be in more often just because of grow out. My dd's hair grows very slowly, so she can go many months and still look ok. My hair grows much faster. I think we'd constantly be fighting it. 

 

[Hyacinth]

I’m 51 and I color. It looks great for two weeks and then the roots come in grey and they’re very noticeable. So I use that spray paint stuff for a few weeks until my next appointment. 🙄. I toy with the idea of letting it go but I’m just not ready. 

Some of my friends in their 40s and 50s have gone all grey. They look older, for sure, but I’m not convinced that’s a bad thing. 

[PeterPan]

23 minutes ago, marbel said:

I say, do what makes you happy. If your grey hair looks good to you, let it go.

I like this! And you know, I think that's what flustered me, that I thought I looked fine and the stylist ends the session by saying I don't and that I need to come back in and get coloring, lol. And I'm like really??? Usually I pay you and you tell me I'm BEAUTIFUL. (Ok, they lie, but they're paid to.) 

25 minutes ago, marbel said:

like my mom had. She never colored her hair so I doubt I expected to color it. But one day she told me she had regretted never coloring her hair and suggested I try it. "You have a lot of years to be grey." 

I really like this too, because I think you're right about the no regrets thing. So if I whimsically decide I want to color, I should do it. I totally agree with the no regrets approach, YES. 

26 minutes ago, marbel said:

As for it being on-trend to color, I don't think that's true at all. I've also seen articles about the beauty of grey hair. And it is beautiful, on beautiful women! It just makes me look very very old. 

Clearly I need to surround myself with more influences. 

[PeterPan]

1 minute ago, Hyacinth said:

I’m 51 and I color. It looks great for two weeks and then the roots come in grey and they’re very noticeable. So I use that spray paint stuff for a few weeks until my next appointment. 🙄. I toy with the idea of letting it go but I’m just not ready. 

Some of my friends in their 40s and 50s have gone all grey. They look older, for sure, but I’m not convinced that’s a bad thing. 

Wow, that's sorta all the way. And that's the thing. My hair grows fast enough and this grey/white is picking up steam. She claimed that doing it as a partial with foils that it wouldn't show as it grows out, but that doesn't make sense to me. I guess I don't completely trust someone who is standing to make profit by luring me in, haha. These hairs are WHITE, and they extend entirely down the length. It has never been like oh I got another grey where the root is white and the rest is dark. Nope, they just ZAP and are white. And more and more keep appearing.

 

[PeterPan]

Ok, so then just as a spinoff, if you KEPT your grey/white or are now grey/white, do you use a special shampoo? Is it necessary for some people and not others? 

[PeterPan]

49 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Can't vote because question 2 didn't have the option "never planned to color and not doing it".

Sorry, there I fixed it! I think it was late at night and I wasn't thinking up all the options.

[marbel]

Re: wigs. I learned that several women in my workplace wear wigs. I'd had no idea. One day I complimented someone on her lovely hair and she looked at me like I had two heads and said 'it's a wig!" I was dumbfounded. Then she and another proceeded to tell me all the others who wear wigs. Now in my defense, I knew one of them had several that she switched out, because her hair went through some drastic changes. But others... wow, never had a clue.  Either I am not very observant or there are some really nice wigs out there!

[PeterPan]

2 minutes ago, marbel said:

Re: wigs. I learned that several women in my workplace wear wigs. I'd had no idea. One day I complimented someone on her lovely hair and she looked at me like I had two heads and said 'it's a wig!" I was dumbfounded. Then she and another proceeded to tell me all the others who wear wigs. Now in my defense, I knew one of them had several that she switched out, because her hair went through some drastic changes. But others... wow, never had a clue.  Either I am not very observant or there are some really nice wigs out there!

Makeover Guy has a video like this, and yeah they can be stunning! I don't think I need that, but I can see why it was a great solution for some people. 

 

[SKL]

I think gray/white hair is attractive.  🤷‍♀️

Edited March 10, 2020 by SKL

[fairfarmhand]

I use a semi permanent color that washes out in about a month. I don’t think it’s as hard on the hair as a permanent color, it costs me $7 and 30 minutes a month and it matches my natural color.

i like lovely silver hair, (silver is making a comeback) but the salt and pepper ages me. And the color helps with the texture too.

[Guest]

I have done a two-step (highlights with a toner) professional color job for about seven or eight years now. In recent history, I have stopped the highlights, and now get a color with dimension added (I think that’s lowlights). For me the purpose has more to do with improving the texture of the hair. I wouldn’t mind some grey but I don’t want it to look like steel wool. 

I do know many women who do not dye but have very nice hair. One even did an acting clip in a commercial about accepting grey. But she’s gorgeous; she could wear a paper bag over her head and still look great! 😄

I have posted the clip before but I’ll see if I can find and link it here again. 

 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Quill

[Jentrovert]

52 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Ok, so then just as a spinoff, if you KEPT your grey/white or are now grey/white, do you use a special shampoo? Is it necessary for some people and not others? 

My parents are both white now. They occasionally use one of those purple shampoos for white hair. It keeps it from yellowing.

They both have very pretty white hair. I hope I have the same. Edit: I know my texture isn't the same, my grays are wiry and coarse. I will definitely have to use product. I think my dad's hair is this way, but it's so short it's not noticeable. Mom's is silky.

I've been coloring since 18, when I first started going gray. I used to do it at home, but a few years ago it got very resistant to color. Now I have it colored and highlighted. It takes 2 hours (total, with cut, wash, blowdry) and $65 (plus tip) every 6 weeks. 

I do plan to eventually let it go, but it does age me a lot, so I'm not ready yet. Dh is quite a few years younger than me, and the kids are young . . . It's just not time yet. 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Jentrovert

[Laura Corin]

59 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Ok, so then just as a spinoff, if you KEPT your grey/white or are now grey/white, do you use a special shampoo? Is it necessary for some people and not others? 

I use a slightly purple tinted shampoo. I think it looks better. By the way, I think that grey just means that not all the hairs are white yet.

[Jann in TX]

In my late 40's I started using semi-permanent to help blend in the scraggly greys that were coming in 'blotchy'.  By 50 I started getting partials done every 8 weeks.  It is expensive but my one 'vanity'.  My grey is not coming in evenly-- and mixed with my dark brown, looked very drab-- VERY VERY drab.  I looked tired all the time.  The partials give me a 'pick me up'.  I do keep some grey showing-- I've earned that!

I'm a bit over weight so my skin is 'young'... additionally, partials take about 5-10 years off-- it is amazing how many people think that my grandson is actually my own baby!

My sister has 'pretty grey' and is ultra thin-- she is 2 years older than me and looks more than 10 years older!  I do love her hair and will probably go that way in a few more years.  We both have children who are Srs in high school-- she looks like her son's grandmother... 

Once my youngest gets through a bit of college I'll transition over (I think!).

 

[Pawz4me]

1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

Ok, so then just as a spinoff, if you KEPT your grey/white or are now grey/white, do you use a special shampoo? Is it necessary for some people and not others? 

I'm just some grey and my stylist says I don't have nearly enough to use special shampoo yet. She's promised to tell me when it's time.

[Farrar]

I always thought I wouldn't color. But also, I have always occasionally done streaks of weird colors... and that's where it is right now. I have streaks of pinkish red in my hair. I do feel like it does something to my sense of self. Like, I enjoy it more now that my hair is more gray.

Of course, the woman who cut ds's hair yesterday was like, ooh, your hair is terrible, you need to something something something. So then I regretting tipping her.

[Bambam]

I'm in my mid 50s now - with quite a bit of white hair (40-45% maybe?) - mostly all bunch together in the front. 

I did have my hair professionally dyed once when I was much younger and might have had some white already, but as my hair was a dirty blonde/light brown, it just sorta overall lightened the color. I went with basically the same color just a little red.  Scared me every time I looked in the mirror. And you know, before too long, you could see that I had dyed it. 

My mom dyed her hair for years to hide the gray. It was very obvious, IMHO, after a while - the black didn't look natural, you know? So I decided I wasn't going to do that - besides she had to dye it regularly - lots of work + $$. 

I'm sure I would look younger if I dyed my hair. I'm still not interested. It is what it is. 

I did one time recently have my hair dresser put some colored (purple) wax coloring thing in it (she had it for kids, but I thought it looked like fun - you just wash it out!) one day. My daughters noticed. My dh did not. And boy that purple showed up very well on the white! 

[Laura Corin]

14 minutes ago, Bambam said:

I did one time recently have my hair dresser put some colored (purple) wax coloring thing in it (she had it for kids, but I thought it looked like fun - you just wash it out!) one day. My daughters noticed. My dh did not. And boy that purple showed up very well on the white! 

I have hair mascara (from Amazon) that I put into the front of my grey hair for fun sometimes.  It washes out.

[PeterPan]

44 minutes ago, Quill said:

I do know many women who do not dye but have very nice hair. One even did an acting clip in a commercial about accepting grey. But she’s gorgeous; she could wear a paper bag over her head and still look great! 😄

I have posted the clip before but I’ll see if I can find and link it here again. 

I like that!!! And yeah, that woman #2 is what my hair is doing. 

And what strikes me is that the women in this video are taking care of themselves. The women in the makeover guy videos are usually dealing with something, have let themselves go neglected for one reason or another, are down. But the women in that AARP video are up, tanned, happy, and the hair is just oh whatever at that point. 

[PeterPan]

47 minutes ago, Jentrovert said:

Now I have it colored and highlighted. It takes 2 hours (total, with cut, wash, blowdry) and $65 (plus tip) every 6 weeks. 

See that's the thing. Just the haircut here is $50 with tip. I think my dd pays closer to $100 when she gets everything done. She has really fine hair, so she gets highlights as a partial (I have no clue what I'm talking about, lol) to give it body. I don't want to pay $100 every 6 weeks, kwim? That's a lotta cruises, lol.

[PeterPan]

39 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:

I use a slightly purple tinted shampoo. I think it looks better. By the way, I think that grey just means that not all the hairs are white yet.

Thanks, that makes sense, lol. 

So on the shampoo, I was trying to find an unscented shampoo. I really have to do fragrance free. I'm not even sure I need it yet, but I was just kinda starting to look. If it keeps going at this rate, seems to me in a few months I will need it.

[alisoncooks]

I thought gray has been "in" for a few years now. Jane Fonda and Sharon Osborne just recently debuted their new looks (though they had the assistance of a professional colorist, hours and hours and thousands of dollars, to make the transition easier). 

I don't color my grays because I'm cheap and lazy. End of story. I'm sure it ages me...but no more than my crocs and cargo capris. 😉

[PeterPan]

41 minutes ago, Jann in TX said:

she looks like her son's grandmother... 

Yeah, the irony is, many women ARE grandmothers in their 40s and 50s or grandmothers WHILE having young children. Maybe tv or something has skewed our impression of what this should look like? I watch older shows now and I'm like how can that woman be the mother, she looks like a grandma! So we're kind of fighting it I guess, not wanting to look that way. But to be a grandmother and a mom at the same time, yeah that seems pretty normal.

39 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I'm just some grey and my stylist says I don't have nearly enough to use special shampoo yet. She's promised to tell me when it's time.

Ok, that's what I wondered. But at the rate it's going, I guess we'll see. And it's that convergence of the lightening dark hair plus the white. Don't want to let that go south. My hair used to be almost BLACK it was so dark. Like people would look at it and ask what color it was because it was so dark. Now they don't ask that anymore, lol.

37 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Of course, the woman who cut ds's hair yesterday was like, ooh, your hair is terrible, you need to something something something. So then I regretting tipping her.

Yes, that's what happened! Just this assumption like grey is bad, don't do it, get it OUT. And it sorta rattled me, like I'm not doing a good job and being appropriate if I DON'T follow the herd. Since I've seldom (or never?) been one to follow, I probably won't now, lol.

And I'm with you. I had always said I'd dye my hair red if I were going grey, so it was kind of an affront to say the best option was to hold onto the past and wish for my hair of the past. Like it just didn't make sense to me spiritually. Be who you are and embrace where you are, not the PAST. 

31 minutes ago, Bambam said:

I did one time recently have my hair dresser put some colored (purple) wax coloring thing in it (she had it for kids, but I thought it looked like fun - you just wash it out!) one day. My daughters noticed. My dh did not. And boy that purple showed up very well on the white! 

Oh that's a fun thought. I don't know if I'd look good with red added or not. I think I'm carrying some red genes, and I have these hairs that will go both ways, depending on the light. Maybe they're the ones going white first? Hmm, dunno. But how uninspiring not even to put something fun on the table, lol.

 

[PeterPan]

2 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

Jane Fonda and Sharon Osborne just recently debuted their new looks

Ok, now I have to go look. I could be doing math with ds, hahaha.

[Laura Corin]

11 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Thanks, that makes sense, lol. 

So on the shampoo, I was trying to find an unscented shampoo. I really have to do fragrance free. I'm not even sure I need it yet, but I was just kinda starting to look. If it keeps going at this rate, seems to me in a few months I will need it.

I'm not sure about the unscented but surely, with so many people in this age group, it must be out there!

[alisoncooks]

2 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Ok, now I have to go look. I could be doing math with ds, hahaha.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/pagesix.com/2020/02/20/meet-the-hair-colorist-who-helped-sharon-osbourne-and-jane-fonda-go-gray/amp/

[PeterPan]

3 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

Jane Fonda

Ok, that's exactly what I'm talking about. She went from this (very tasteful, very well done) blonde/brown mix to BOOM authentic grey. And if everyone over 50 just dyes their hair those colors, then isn't that the new grandma look??? I think JF actually looks YOUNGER with the nicely done grey. She was covering up so much that you kept looking around to see what else was synthetic/artificial/fighting. Now she just looks authentic and cohesive.

Sharon Osbourne's hair is now very pretty! But is that her grey or is that technically a color? 

I found an article where the guy who did the SO and JF hair is showing what he did. He's lightening and pulling off color then adding back in color to get it to blend and look natural. Wizardry, lol. I wonder what he recommends for women who are in the inbetween stages? I'm going to have to look it up. And I think it's a really good point that finding a stylist who does grey and embraces grey might get a really different answer from someone who doesn't. 

https://www.insider.com/jane-fonda-sharon-osbourne-gray-hair-colorist-2020-2

[PeterPan]

Found this list of grey friendly salons. Some seem crazy, but that guy who did SO/JF's hair is on there. https://katiegoesplatinum.com/gray-hair-friendly-stylists-salons/

Edited March 10, 2020 by PeterPan

[MEmama]

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

I use a semi permanent color that washes out in about a month. I don’t think it’s as hard on the hair as a permanent color, it costs me $7 and 30 minutes a month and it matches my natural color.

i like lovely silver hair, (silver is making a comeback) but the salt and pepper ages me. And the color helps with the texture too.

Yeah, color maintenance doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming. I use a root touch up; costs around $6-7 if I forget to buy on sale, and takes 10-15minutes once a month or so. I only do the roots, so I still have highlights and depth to my hair. I agree that all over color usually looks obvious at this age. I definitely don’t stress about long strands of grey here and there. I’m certain no one can tell I dye it, even my husband didn’t know until recently. Lol

[PeterPan]

So this is my wild idea. I'm gonna let it go for 6 months, and then if I don't like how it is looking, I'll get something done at that salon in CA with the guy who specializes in grey. I'm going to be there anyway (Lord willing) and had a few days open, so I could just throw this in.