Downsizing and whether you're sentimental about things

[J-rap]

We're moving in about 6 months, to a place probably half the size of our current home.  It might be only temporary, but we only see ourselves living in smaller places or traveling over the next 20 years, and I'm super excited to get rid of all the junk that's accumulated in our home!  To my surprise, as I begin the purge, I'm not very sentimental.  I'm saving a larger box for each kid of special school projects, art projects, little notes they wrote, etc., and another smaller box for each kid with special childhood objects like baby book, first baby outfit, favorite stuffed animal, the baby pics and senior photos we have hanging on the walls, etc.  We're saving a few wall hangings, one television, and maybe two pieces of furniture.  Obviously some sheets and blankets and towels and a couple table cloths.  We're also keeping photo albums, a few wedding items, and some dishes/kitchen supplies.  I'm letting the kids decide which childhood toys they want to keep and will store them until they're able to take it.  

Other than, we'll be getting rid of almost everything.  We'll be selling almost all of our furniture, excess clothes, almost all holiday decorations, most of our games, records, snow equipment, books, camping equipment, golf clubs, grill, etc. etc.  We don't or won't use this stuff anymore.  Obviously we'll offer it all to our kids first.  Oh, we're keeping a couple of our most special games and our most special Christmas decorations and books.  And our campfire coffee maker.  

Sometimes it seems a little weird to me since this purging is so much easier than I thought it would be, even things that have been part of our family's life together for the past 30 years!  But we'll make new memories and get new books and get new furniture and take new photos...  And it's always been way more about the experiences than the things for me. 

Hopefully I won't regret getting rid of so much.  I don't think I will.  So much of our stuff was old and falling apart, anyway!

How have you managed downsizing, or what's important for you to keep?  (Maybe you'll have ideas that I should consider?)

 

[Arcadia]

My mom only regretted not keeping my Legos and Playmobils.

I partially regretted selling at hyper low prices my flute and violin to friends of friends because the quality was better then than when I bought my kids new ones.

[Chris in VA]

We thought we downsized when we recently moved from a rectory to the house we own in VA. We had a 24 ft. Uhaul, and not everything fit AFTER we'd gotten rid of stuff! So we left some stuff behind. I confess I have a lot of teaching materials and we have a ton of books (some of which we can easily let go, but time ran out and dh packed them). 

I do wish we'd been able to bring more of our special things here to Jerusalem. I wanted the pics of my kids, the Christmas box, and some more clothes. I'd love my mini loaf pans, and ...well, let's just say we are doing without, and it's actually fine. I am not terribly sentimental, either, but I did want to save some things, so I gave myself permission to do that. We will purge again when we come back in 2 or three years. 

I think it's better to be as you are than be a person so attached to stuff that they drown in it, and keep accumulating. I have seen that, and it's quite sad. One can't enjoy it all, anyway! and I think it limits how one embraces new experiences, people, etc. 

Do what feels right to you. It's great you have some special things, you have offered stuff to your kids, and you are relatively unencumbered with the past. 

[Ottakee]

I just downsized from a 6 bedroom 4 bath house on 5+ acres with 2 barns to a 1250 sq ft house with 1 1/2 baths. And a 1 1/2 stall garage.   I would have loved to get rid of even more than we did but my 2 girls are collectors and savers and keepers.

So far what I have missed (and had to go out to replace) has been random screws, nails, etc.  We had to buy a hand bike pump as I no longer have an air compressor.

I love that my new place stays cleaner and there is just less stuff.

[Pawz4me]

I'm not very sentimental about things. I think because I'm an introvert and not a very visual person. I treasure the memories stored in my brain more than physical items.

I have a few of the boys' things in my hope chest--each of their first pairs of shoes, a few of the cards they made when they were first learning to draw and write, etc. We still have and use some of the Christmas decorations they made when they were little. But that's about it.

I have more problems with practical stuff. I'm not an accumulator of kitchen gadgets--I've never seen the need for Instapots and food processors or much of anything like that. But pots and pans, mixing bowls, storage containers--yes, I sure could (and should!) get rid of some of those. Now that the boys are grown and mostly gone I don't cook nearly as much as I used to, either in terms of frequency or quantity. I could make do w/o a lot of it.

Edited November 21, 2018 by Pawz4me

[MEmama]

We've moved many times over the past 25+ years, and one of my favorite aspects is purging. I'm sure I could count on one hand the things I *maybe* shouldn't have been so hasty to get rid of, but I can't actually think of any examples so they probably weren't all that important anyway.

I'm not sentimental about stuff at all. I say power to you if you are finding downsizing easy! 👍

[J-rap]

6 hours ago, Arcadia said:

My mom only regretted not keeping my Legos and Playmobils.

I partially regretted selling at hyper low prices my flute and violin to friends of friends because the quality was better then than when I bought my kids new ones.

Actually, that's a great point about the Legos!  I have considered that the one toy I would save for someday grandkids to play with would be the Legos and Duplos...

[Halftime Hope]

From sad lessons:  do what you're doing, asking kids what is important to them, but don't do it without them! 

Dh's mother had a garage sale one summer while they were still in high school --not even out of the home and into their own places yet--and her boys both are wistful about their big ships she sold.  One was a battleship; the other a carrier.  They've never been able to replace them, although we've certainly looked on Ebay over the years.   

 

[J-rap]

6 hours ago, Chris in VA said:

We thought we downsized when we recently moved from a rectory to the house we own in VA. We had a 24 ft. Uhaul, and not everything fit AFTER we'd gotten rid of stuff! So we left some stuff behind. I confess I have a lot of teaching materials and we have a ton of books (some of which we can easily let go, but time ran out and dh packed them). 

I do wish we'd been able to bring more of our special things here to Jerusalem. I wanted the pics of my kids, the Christmas box, and some more clothes. I'd love my mini loaf pans, and ...well, let's just say we are doing without, and it's actually fine. I am not terribly sentimental, either, but I did want to save some things, so I gave myself permission to do that. We will purge again when we come back in 2 or three years. 

I think it's better to be as you are than be a person so attached to stuff that they drown in it, and keep accumulating. I have seen that, and it's quite sad. One can't enjoy it all, anyway! and I think it limits how one embraces new experiences, people, etc. 

Do what feels right to you. It's great you have some special things, you have offered stuff to your kids, and you are relatively unencumbered with the past. 

I'm sure what partly spurred it on for me was seeing my parents at age 90 still in their own home, but with everything they've collected over the years.  They have quite a houseful, and I don't even consider them big savers.  Just life's natural stuff that you collect over time.  Probably by age 90 -- if we're still around, we will have collected a lot of stuff yet again, but living in a smaller space (and most of the time just the two of us) hopefully means we will have kept up better with keeping/not keeping what we really need.  And yes -- probably when it's time to move and we've run out of time to get rid of stuff, we'll just pack it up and deal with it "later"! 

[J-rap]

1 hour ago, Pawz4me said:

I'm not very sentimental about things. I think because I'm an introvert and not a very visual person. I treasure the memories stored in my brain more than physical items.

I have a few of the boys' things in my hope chest--each of their first pairs of shoes, a few of the cards they made when they were first learning to draw and write, etc. We still have and use some of the Christmas decorations they made when they were little. But that's about it.

I have more problems with practical stuff. I'm not an accumulator of kitchen gadgets--I've never seen the need for Instapots and food processors or much of anything like that. But pots and pans, mixing bowls, storage containers--yes, I sure could (and should!) get rid of some of those. Now that the boys are grown and mostly gone I don't cook nearly as much as I used to, either in terms of frequency or quantity. I could make do w/o a lot of it.

Me too!  The kitchen will probably be one of the last areas I go through, but somehow I seem to have ended up with way more than I needed over the years (how many mixing bowls does one need?).  Although the one thing I always wanted in my kitchen I still haven't gotten -- a lettuce spinner!  🙂  Maybe I'll get that as a housewarming gift for myself in our new place.

[J-rap]

15 minutes ago, peacelovehomeschooling said:

I have done a lot of purging/decluttering over the last few years (and continue to do so regularly).  It has been easy and feels so good....like a good mental cleaning.  I am finding that I am far less sentimental than I thought I was.  Having less stuff just feels better.  When we get the Christmas stuff down later this week I plan to go through that and get rid of what we don't use and no longer want.  There are a few things I will always keep, but not much.

I was going to do the same thing.  I won't keep much...  Like you, just a few special items.  We do always get a live Christmas tree unless we're gone for a stretch of time over the holidays.

[teachermom2834]

I am not at all sentimental about stuff. To the point that I have wondered if something is wrong with me that I am not more wistful about baby clothes, toys, etc.

For one, I am a very “in the moment” person. I’m really focused on getting through the week and what my kids need from me to progress in life in the next year or two. I do think it possible that if we had some sort of tragedy I would regret not having some more physical things. But I haven’t saved much of anything and I haven’t  regretted it yet. Oldest is almost 21.

Also, my MIL is a hoarder. We haven’t visited her home in 15 years. It is so awful. Like you see on the TV shows. My own mother passed away six years ago. My parents had recently downsized to a condo and my father is still living so we really only had part of the garage she had used as storage and a big walk in closet to sort through. Even that was a big task. So those two experiences have made me an anti-hoarder. 

I’m not a very organized person. If I was I think I could save more but if I saved a lot it would be a mess and no good to anyone because it would be lost/broken/no one knew who it belonged to. My mom had some boxes of things that seemed like they must be sentimental or important but they were mixed in with what seemed like junk and we had no idea what they were or why they had meaning. I’m afraid that is how my things would be. 

[J-rap]

9 minutes ago, Halftime Hope said:

From sad lessons:  do what you're doing, asking kids what is important to them, but don't do it without them! 

Dh's mother had a garage sale one summer while they were still in high school --not even out of the home and into their own places yet--and her boys both are wistful about their big ships she sold.  One was a battleship; the other a carrier.  They've never been able to replace them, although we've certainly looked on Ebay over the years.   

 

That's a good point.  I'm constantly taking pictures of things and sending them to my kids with a "Keep or get rid of?"  text.  My kids are really not very sentimental about stuff either and like to live minimally.  But, some of the stuff they've wanted to keep has surprised me!  For the things of theirs that I'm really unsure about (and maybe they are too), I'm just putting into piles in our attic and they'll have 6 months to sort through it themselves and decide what they want.  I've told the kids I'll save what they want until they're ready for it (they all live in small apartments right now).  We do plan to get a small storage unit for as along as necessary.

[J-rap]

1 minute ago, teachermom2834 said:

I am not at all sentimental about stuff. To the point that I have wondered if something is wrong with me that I am not more wistful about baby clothes, toys, etc.

For one, I am a very “in the moment” person. I’m really focused on getting through the week and what my kids need from me to progress in life in the next year or two. I do think it possible that if we had some sort of tragedy I would regret not having some more physical things. But I haven’t saved much of anything and I haven’t  regretted it yet. Oldest is almost 21.

Also, my MIL is a hoarder. We haven’t visited her home in 15 years. It is so awful. Like you see on the TV shows. My own mother passed away six years ago. My parents had recently downsized to a condo and my father is still living so we really only had part of the garage she had used as storage and a big walk in closet to sort through. Even that was a big task. So those two experiences have made me an anti-hoarder. 

I’m not a very organized person. If I was I think I could save more but if I saved a lot it would be a mess and no good to anyone because it would be lost/broken/no one knew who it belonged to. My mom had some boxes of things that seemed like they must be sentimental or important but they were mixed in with what seemed like junk and we had no idea what they were or why they had meaning. I’m afraid that is how my things would be. 

I'm trying to label with permanent marker the few items I want to keep that are family heirlooms.  (Ha -- now I'm thinking of a few things.)  For example, I have a small wooden Christmas advent candle holder that my grandfather made in Sweden when he was a boy, over a hundred years ago.  If you happened to see it you'd think it was just an old piece of junk!  But knowing its background is what makes it special.  Actually, I'm saving it for my dd because she wants to fix it up and paint a Scandinavian design on it and display it in her home someday.

[J-rap]

As far as selling things on eBay...  We've had some success!  Selling my dh's old leather shoes and leather briefcases was slick!  

Beanie Babies?  Ha -- no one wants those!

I don't know what to do with all the old Barbie dolls...

Clothes are hit and miss.  If it's a good brand/good condition, I'll try and sell it on eBay.  Otherwise I try and sell at our local consignment store or just give away.

[TheReader]

We had to do a major downsize twice; once when we moved to Brazil, and again when we moved back from Brazil. The moving to Brazil we made some poor choices (somehow only packed stuffed animals belonging all to one kid, not any that belonged to the others....???), but not many regrets. Moving back from Brazil, we focused on bringing home things we could not replace. Hardest for me was sorting through my favorite Brazilian souvenir, some handmade pottery/ceramic flowers; I had tons and tons, but the fragility of them made it hard to pack (we literally only had our suitcases coming home...); we narrowed it down to one color set and I am mostly happy with that.  Next hardest was giving away the Thomas trains; we found a specific family to give them to, which made it mildly easier. 

You sound like you're on the right track; best of luck with everything!

[J-rap]

3 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

Having had to empty a parent’s house, and having a MIL say she’s leaving all her stuff (a house FULL) for her kids to figure out, I am much less sentimental!

My kids are old enough now that for most things I can just ask them, “Think you’ll ever want this?” The very few items I’m holding on to are items they may eventually want but may not realize yet - an outfit they wore home from the hospital, jewelry, some historical documents, very small things - no furniture or anything large. 

My New Year’s resolution is to start and complete round one of Swedish death cleaning and get all photos in a digital format. I am honestly looking forward to it and find myself mildly annoyed that the holiday season is otherwise demanding my attention. 

How wonderful for you, Jrap, that you’re finding it easier than you imagined. Parting with “stuff” feels truly liberating. 

It really does feel good.  I had to look up Swedish death cleaning!  I like that philosophy.

As far as changing photos to digital...  For our photos that are in old albums, I'm just leaving them alone.  But believe it not, when we were first married (and lived abroad), all of our pictures were slides!  I recently transferred all of them to digital and it'll be fun to look through them someday.  (Otherwise, I probably haven't looked through them in over 30 years!) 

[HomeAgain]

I have come to realize that the things I am sentimental about (baby shoes, first outfit..) these are not the things my children will want because they have no memories connected to them.  They don't care when they got their first tooth or took their first step.  They care about their own box of things: pictures from our various houses, a teddy bear that has traveled with them around the world, a shirt commemorating the worst camping trip ever (but also the best french fries!) 😄 ...these are special things that I have made sure to give places in their rooms so that they can decide to continue to be sentimental about or not. 
The things that my kids have asked for after they move out are actually different, though.  They want a copy of our family recipe book.  They want to divide my collection of nice books (special leatherbound Beedle The Bard, well loved classics that have been read to them over and over).  They want family videos of their schooling and trips.  They're fighting over my dining room table, but I figure they have another 60 years on that fight if I have my way. 😉 I'm keeping a few of their old toys to keep for grandchildren, unless they really want them for their houses.

We have been in the situation where we have lost 90% of our *things*, so it's no surprise that what the kids really gravitate to are the memories.  They would be fine, I think, if I got rid of most of everything again.

[J-rap]

5 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

I have come to realize that the things I am sentimental about (baby shoes, first outfit..) these are not the things my children will want because they have no memories connected to them.  They don't care when they got their first tooth or took their first step.  They care about their own box of things: pictures from our various houses, a teddy bear that has traveled with them around the world, a shirt commemorating the worst camping trip ever (but also the best french fries!) 😄 ...these are special things that I have made sure to give places in their rooms so that they can decide to continue to be sentimental about or not. 
The things that my kids have asked for after they move out are actually different, though.  They want a copy of our family recipe book.  They want to divide my collection of nice books (special leatherbound Beedle The Bard, well loved classics that have been read to them over and over).  They want family videos of their schooling and trips.  They're fighting over my dining room table, but I figure they have another 60 years on that fight if I have my way. 😉 I'm keeping a few of their old toys to keep for grandchildren, unless they really want them for their houses.

We have been in the situation where we have lost 90% of our *things*, so it's no surprise that what the kids really gravitate to are the memories.  They would be fine, I think, if I got rid of most of everything again.

Oh gosh...  That must be extremely hard when it happens unexpectedly!

[HomeAgain]

3 minutes ago, J-rap said:

Oh gosh...  That must be extremely hard when it happens unexpectedly!

Well, I can't say it was easy. 😄 We can laugh about it now, but it was a rough 4 or so months while we dealt with a shady insurance company that didn't want to pay out.  It happened after we had already downsized two years prior to just the absolute necessities, which really hit us hard because nearly everything we had was needed.  Thankfully, we had a community and family who only asked "how can I help?"  And it did make us see that we really could get by on a lot less, and that it was just things.

Every once in a while we still hit a bump.  My oldest had to do a project for high school Spanish where he took pictures of himself at each age and put together a presentation about his life.  His teacher didn't understand that we didn't have baby pictures of him anymore until he took in photos of the damage for his presentation.  My sister recently discovered a trove of photos at her place and put together an album for him again, which I am eternally grateful for.  If I was downsizing, pictures would be something I would always try to save.  At least with digital pics we can have several copies of the same event.
 

[Bluegoat]

I would not say I am very sentimental.  The things I am inclined to want to keep tend to be heirlooms that have really been passed down, and usually are really of good quality, perhaps at a level that isn't found now.  I don't have much desire to keep things like kids projects and stuff, or gifts that aren't well made, or anything like that.

[J-rap]

13 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Well, I can't say it was easy. 😄 We can laugh about it now, but it was a rough 4 or so months while we dealt with a shady insurance company that didn't want to pay out.  It happened after we had already downsized two years prior to just the absolute necessities, which really hit us hard because nearly everything we had was needed.  Thankfully, we had a community and family who only asked "how can I help?"  And it did make us see that we really could get by on a lot less, and that it was just things.

Every once in a while we still hit a bump.  My oldest had to do a project for high school Spanish where he took pictures of himself at each age and put together a presentation about his life.  His teacher didn't understand that we didn't have baby pictures of him anymore until he took in photos of the damage for his presentation.  My sister recently discovered a trove of photos at her place and put together an album for him again, which I am eternally grateful for.  If I was downsizing, pictures would be something I would always try to save.  At least with digital pics we can have several copies of the same event.
 

Wow, I'm glad your sister had some pictures.  Photos are definitely one of the main things I'm keeping!  

[mlktwins]

I am currently going through my dad's single family home of 50+ years.  It is so overwhelming and I don't know what a lot of things were saved for.  So...I am doing the best I can and asking him what he remembers.  A lot of it can go.  I do have all the pictures at my house now, which is most important to me and I can take time to go through once his place is sold!

After this experience, I will be going through my own home more brutally than before.  Really...stuff doesn't make one happy.  It is the memories behind the stuff that are important.  While my dad didn't want to leave because of the "stuff," he has admitted that is pretty overwhelming and he wouldn't be able to do any of this by himself anymore.

We will have my in-laws home to go through at some point.  They've been in that home over 50 years too.  Not hoarded, but a LOT of stuff.

[Meriwether]

14 minutes ago, J-rap said:

Wow, I'm glad your sister had some pictures.  Photos are definitely one of the main things I'm keeping!  

Somewhere in her house Mom has all my old negatives from when my kids were little. I wanted a backup in case something happened.

[Annie G]

I’m sentimental but don’t need to keep everything- just a few things that are meaningful. Dh and two youngest kids, however, are ridiculously sentimental and want to Keep It All.  We’ve been purging for months in anticipation of a move and dh has not been able to let go of much. He’s trying, he really is.  But I’ve softened and decided to let him do it in his own time, which means we’ll be moving all this stuff to the new place.  My ability to let go of things is right for me, but I can’t push that on him until he’s ready, and he might not ever reach the level I’m at. Sometimes it’s frustrating to me but then I think about how much grace he shows me in other areas and I get over my frustration. 

Things he will not part with: his 9th grade physical science notebook,  cards and photos from his parents, Scholastic books from his elementary school years, carburetors he’s had since he was a teenager (like maybe 20 of them), etc.  The man will be 60 soon...he’s not going to need the notes he took in 9th grade. 

Bonus: he now recognizes this is an issue. It has taken him decades to realize this. I think that’s a huge step. 

[J-rap]

19 minutes ago, mlktwins said:

I am currently going through my dad's single family home of 50+ years.  It is so overwhelming and I don't know what a lot of things were saved for.  So...I am doing the best I can and asking him what he remembers.  A lot of it can go.  I do have all the pictures at my house now, which is most important to me and I can take time to go through once his place is sold!

After this experience, I will be going through my own home more brutally than before.  Really...stuff doesn't make one happy.  It is the memories behind the stuff that are important.  While my dad didn't want to leave because of the "stuff," he has admitted that is pretty overwhelming and he wouldn't be able to do any of this by himself anymore.

We will have my in-laws home to go through at some point.  They've been in that home over 50 years too.  Not hoarded, but a LOT of stuff.

Yes!  To me, that's why photos are one of the most important things.  They capture the memories.

[J-rap]

1 minute ago, Annie G said:

I’m sentimental but don’t need to keep everything- just a few things that are meaningful. Dh and two youngest kids, however, are ridiculously sentimental and want to Keep It All.  We’ve been purging for months in anticipation of a move and dh has not been able to let go of much. He’s trying, he really is.  But I’ve softened and decided to let him do it in his own time, which means we’ll be moving all this stuff to the new place.  My ability to let go of things is right for me, but I can’t push that on him until he’s ready, and he might not ever reach the level I’m at. Sometimes it’s frustrating to me but then I think about how much grace he shows me in other areas and I get over my frustration. 

Things he will not part with: his 9th grade physical science notebook,  cards and photos from his parents, Scholastic books from his elementary school years, carburetors he’s had since he was a teenager (like maybe 20 of them), etc.  The man will be 60 soon...he’s not going to need the notes he took in 9th grade. 

Bonus: he now recognizes this is an issue. It has taken him decades to realize this. I think that’s a huge step. 

For my dh, it's the opposite.  Honestly I think he would sell absolutely everything, photos included.  For him it's all about the present and future.  Well, and also he just doesn't like "things."  

Actually, I suddenly had a revelation.  I talked about my dh in another thread because his memories are so bad...  (Always have been.)  He barely remembers his childhood, and even has a hard time remembering our wedding and things like that.  He's a very busy, forward thinker.  

So... I suppose his absolute detachment to memorabilia and his lack of memory could be related...  

[Annie G]

1 minute ago, J-rap said:

For my dh, it's the opposite.  Honestly I think he would sell absolutely everything, photos included.  For him it's all about the present and future.  Well, and also he just doesn't like "things."  

Actually, I suddenly had a revelation.  I talked about my dh in another thread because his memories are so bad...  (Always have been.)  He barely remembers his childhood, and even has a hard time remembering our wedding and things like that.  He's a very busy, forward thinker.  

So... I suppose his absolute detachment to memorabilia and his lack of memory could be related...  

That’s an interesting thought to ponder. Dh had a pretty awesome childhood- not financially, but in every other way.  I was never abused or neglected, but I never felt special or especially cared for. As the third kid, I was just...there.  

[SKL]

I haven't moved since I was 28, but I do enjoy purging.  I am about as sentimental as a paperweight.  I keep a few things in case I need to prove something later.  I keep a lot of clothes because I might wear them someday.  I could see keeping a few kid things like their favorite doll.  I do keep photos electronically.  I keep the Bible my folks gave me when I was 14.  That's about it.

Edited November 21, 2018 by SKL

[Moonhawk]

We downsized from a 3 bedroom house with garage and office to basically a bedroom with some boxes on an outdoor patio. We got rid of 95% of our stuff and really we need to get rid of at least 50% of what I have now.

The hardest things for me to get rid of were the things that were given as wedding presents but we didn't have room for or never used, or used rarely enough to justify a lot of space (alcohol glasses, my used up wedding china, etc) and baby things that we just aren't in the current stage of needing (a lot of things we bought for baby #1 and used for everyone else, like bassinet, swing, etc). 

The biggest regret is listening to others about what I should and shouldn't keep. I don't know why I let others (that aren't part of the household) chime in at all. At the point I was moving it was very fast, I was sick, I had a lot going on besides just the move, and went in with the idea of "less is better." Still, there were things that would be immensely useful in my current situation that I no longer have. Also, others didn't understand either how much these things cost or how long it takes to accumulate the good type of things, since they never used them (art supplies, kitchen stuff mostly). And also things that I ended up donating due to others' impatience that I could have sold for nice pocket change. 

So I guess my advice would be:

-only ask people directly involved with the things if you should keep/lose the things

-sell what you can so that way if you have to replace it later, it doesn't feel like a total loss

-as you're going through things: if you have a storage box and "yay you just emptied it!", keep the box and don't give away the boxes with the sale/donation. Put the stuff in bags to go out the door. Not necessarily cardboard boxes, but nice plastic ones. Just keep piling them up, even if it seems like you'd never need these again because you've gotten rid of so much stuff. I was shocked at how, after the dust settled, I only have maybe 3 empty plastic boxes that didn't get used by something else. So, I'd say boxes are the absolute last thing to go. 

[Moonhawk]

7 hours ago, Ottakee said:

So far what I have missed (and had to go out to replace) has been random screws, nails, etc.  We had to buy a hand bike pump as I no longer have an air compressor.

Considering how it was "my husband's" air compressor that "we hardly ever used", I am shocked at how much I miss that thing, lol. He really made life so much easier with bikes and car tires. 

[lulalu]

My first overseas move required a lot of downsizing. Honestly, now I can't even remember all the stuff we had. I don't feel attached to things anymore. But there are a few things I have regretted getting rid of. I kept the most sentemental things, but have learned that my son's things are different. 

The best thing I have ever done is move to a minimalist mindset. Keep only what is important, usefull, or has a special attachment to. And one thing in, one thing out. I focus on quality over quantity. And the benefits for my overall well being and family peace are amazing. Unfourtunately, many people just don't understand my way of life. And when we are "home" visiting family, my son gets so many cheap gifts. 

Some of it is also going through all my parents things on my own. My mother kept everything, and my brothers didn't want to deal with it. Going through a life of stuff really made me double think what I was holding on to. 

I get overwhelmed when I am in a full house now. A certain family memeber has a full house of too big of furniture, and far too much little and big stuff. There just isn't space. And it wears me out in a short time. I have been spoiled by minimilisim that I can't handle over consumerisim. 

[J-rap]

4 minutes ago, lulalu said:

My first overseas move required a lot of downsizing. Honestly, now I can't even remember all the stuff we had. I don't feel attached to things anymore. But there are a few things I have regretted getting rid of. I kept the most sentemental things, but have learned that my son's things are different. 

The best thing I have ever done is move to a minimalist mindset. Keep only what is important, usefull, or has a special attachment to. And one thing in, one thing out. I focus on quality over quantity. And the benefits for my overall well being and family peace are amazing. Unfourtunately, many people just don't understand my way of life. And when we are "home" visiting family, my son gets so many cheap gifts. 

Some of it is also going through all my parents things on my own. My mother kept everything, and my brothers didn't want to deal with it. Going through a life of stuff really made me double think what I was holding on to. 

I get overwhelmed when I am in a full house now. A certain family memeber has a full house of too big of furniture, and far too much little and big stuff. There just isn't space. And it wears me out in a short time. I have been spoiled by minimilisim that I can't handle over consumerisim. 

I can relate to almost all of this!

[lulalu]

A observation I have had:

Keeping things seems to swing from one generation to the next. If your parents held on to everything most often you don't. If your parents didn't save everything you most often hold on to everything. 

That is from my small collection soze of those I know. But I have found it interesting. 

[Wheres Toto]

I could get rid of a lot more stuff, but dh never wants to get rid of anything that we may need someday.  He doesn't seem sentimental about things, just refuses to get rid of them.  He's been in this house 20 years, I've been here 14 years, there's a lot of stuff.  Most of it packed in bins in the garage where we can't find it anyway.  I always feel like if it's something we can replace easily and it's unlikely to be needed anyway, donate it.

My mother is the worst.  She's finally going through some of her stuff but she doesn't want to get rid of anything.  She brought over a broken clay plaque I made in elementary school so that I can "fix it and display it in your house".  Um, nope.  Not displaying it.  Right now it's sitting on my desk while I decide if I want to put it in a box or just throw it out.  I'm really leaning toward throw it out.   She's also given me boxes of notebooks and labels (which I okay'd coming, although I didn't realize the quantity) with a couple random bits in them - a small desk and phone from my old dollhouse.  Not sure what I"m supposed to do with those.  

Oldest dd asked for a bigger bed for Christmas so we bought her a queen size.  Now my mother is bent out of shape over what to do with the twin bed dd was using (an adjustable that she had until she upgraded).  So, we're taking the adjustable for youngest dd, but she has a bed and two mattresses in her room already (and we got rid of one last year).  Now we need to figure out what to do with an extra bed that we don't need, and definitely don't have space for.

There is way too much crap in my house and garage already.  I don't need more.  I wish we had a move or something coming up where we'd have no choice but more than likely we are here until we die.

[mom2scouts]

I'm somewhat sentimental, but compared to my dh and youngest son I'm a brutal purger. I'm constantly trying to pare down and dh is constantly bringing home stuff. We live near a university and when students move out, especially foreign students, they dump everything on the curb. He's brought home really nice and even new stuff, but he also brings home more stuff I need to donate or throw out or stuff he wants to sell for scrap. The amount of junk he has piled up is our one topic of arguments. I'm really at a point where I want to have way less stuff to clean, care for, and store so my 2019 goal may be to be brutal with the stuff.

[Arcadia]

52 minutes ago, lulalu said:

A observation I have had:

Keeping things seems to swing from one generation to the next. If your parents held on to everything most often you don't. If your parents didn't save everything you most often hold on to everything. 

That is from my small collection soze of those I know. But I have found it interesting. 

 

For my parents generation (born in the 30s to 50s), in our social circle the “hoarding” correlated very well to poverty issues in childhood and adulthood.

For my generation (born in the 60s to 80s), consumer goods were cheaper and replacement costs weren’t as scary. Also less things were handmade. My aunts kept a handmade newborn cradle as a heirloom for future generations but none of us kept our factory made cribs (we gave those away to friends). 

My husband held on to lots of clothing and other stuff not for sentimental reasons but because he thinks the replacement costs is too scary. He finally donated some nice dress shirts and dress pants that he hasn’t worn in two decades because it finally sinked in that he can get one or two dress shirts and pants at affordable prices easily (his clothing is in easy to find sizes).

My dad went from a poverty childhood to lower middle income adulthood and he was only able to declutter his stuff after he stopped working. He has a pension and he was just worried something he threw would be needed for work (teaching) so he kept everything until he stopped teaching.

My maternal grandparents were already middle income when my mom was born and she felt safe throwing or donating stuff since replacement cost wasn’t an issue. For example donating an unused in good condition manual sewing machine to a friend wasn’t an issue since my mom knew she could afford to buy a new sewing machine if she needs one again.

I found my birth certificate and immunization card. My husband hasn’t found his birth certificate and it’s in the house somewhere. My husband would have to search over the Thanksgiving break and hopefully declutter some of his stuff. 

[Halftime Hope]

In my experience, a previous poster was absolutely right about one's ability to de-clutter being correlated to the circumstances of their upbringing in one way or another.  My MIL used "I'm a depression child" as a punchline to explain things, but the reality is that even though her father died when she was 10, she and her family were never in dire circumstances.  When she married at 19, she married an engineer--thanks GI bill!--and they were frugal but never lacked financial means.  My FIL was a wood and metalworker as well as a bonafide depression child, and he could not bring himself to de-clutter his workshop.  He "might use it someday". 

My parents were depression children and missionaries (you never threw anything away because you might need to repurpose it if you were half-way around the world in the boonies with no place to get fabric or parts or food you didn't grow.)  In addition, my parents were the last living relatives on my dad's side, so several households' worth of keepsakes ended up in their home.  When we moved them in their 80s to live with my brother, I found fabric remnants that had been to the Central America...and back.  LOL!  

We had two weeks to empty their house and put it on the market -- I was glad it wasn't three.  Three would have killed us.

 

 

 

Edited November 24, 2018 by Halftime Hope

[J-rap]

On 11/21/2018 at 10:46 AM, Where's Toto? said:

I could get rid of a lot more stuff, but dh never wants to get rid of anything that we may need someday.  He doesn't seem sentimental about things, just refuses to get rid of them.  He's been in this house 20 years, I've been here 14 years, there's a lot of stuff.  Most of it packed in bins in the garage where we can't find it anyway.  I always feel like if it's something we can replace easily and it's unlikely to be needed anyway, donate it.

My mother is the worst.  She's finally going through some of her stuff but she doesn't want to get rid of anything.  She brought over a broken clay plaque I made in elementary school so that I can "fix it and display it in your house".  Um, nope.  Not displaying it.  Right now it's sitting on my desk while I decide if I want to put it in a box or just throw it out.  I'm really leaning toward throw it out.   She's also given me boxes of notebooks and labels (which I okay'd coming, although I didn't realize the quantity) with a couple random bits in them - a small desk and phone from my old dollhouse.  Not sure what I"m supposed to do with those.  

Oldest dd asked for a bigger bed for Christmas so we bought her a queen size.  Now my mother is bent out of shape over what to do with the twin bed dd was using (an adjustable that she had until she upgraded).  So, we're taking the adjustable for youngest dd, but she has a bed and two mattresses in her room already (and we got rid of one last year).  Now we need to figure out what to do with an extra bed that we don't need, and definitely don't have space for.

There is way too much crap in my house and garage already.  I don't need more.  I wish we had a move or something coming up where we'd have no choice but more than likely we are here until we die.

It's definitely a move that's motivating me to finally work at cleaning things out!

[J-rap]

On 11/24/2018 at 10:35 AM, Halftime Hope said:

In my experience, a previous poster was absolutely right about one's ability to de-clutter being correlated to the circumstances of their upbringing in one way or another.  My MIL used "I'm a depression child" as a punchline to explain things, but the reality is that even though her father died when she was 10, she and her family were never in dire circumstances.  When she married at 19, she married an engineer--thanks GI bill!--and they were frugal but never lacked financial means.  My FIL was a wood and metalworker as well as a bonafide depression child, and he could not bring himself to de-clutter his workshop.  He "might use it someday". 

My parents were depression children and missionaries (you never threw anything away because you might need to repurpose it if you were half-way around the world in the boonies with no place to get fabric or parts or food you didn't grow.)  In addition, my parents were the last living relatives on my dad's side, so several households' worth of keepsakes ended up in their home.  When we moved them in their 80s to live with my brother, I found fabric remnants that had been to the Central America...and back.  LOL!  

We had two weeks to empty their house and put it on the market -- I was glad it wasn't three.  Three would have killed us.

 

 

 

My parents are now 90 and will probably be moving into a senior living situation soon.  (We hope!!)  My dear dad wants to start making up lists and going over every single item they own, one thing at a time, to see which grandchild might want what, etc. etc....bless his heart!  I keep thinking, just move to your nice senior living place and let we three children have two weeks to get it all figured out and emptied.  I think that's easier to do, sometimes, when you're a generation apart from the objects -- not as much attachment.  It seems that my parents' generation placed so much value on working hard and saving for one new piece of nice furniture at a time (for example), and that same furniture has been in every home they've had, for a lifetime.  My dh and I don't have that same attachment to our furniture, and I think our kids have even less attachment to their furniture -- they can get such cheap stuff from IKEA!

[mlktwins]

I posted up thread a while ago, but we are moving my 83 year old dad as I type!  Thank goodness we have movers.  OMG!! What a PITA, but I am feeling blessed I'm moving him to a safer place with lots of social activity instead of cleaning out his house because of his death.  That is getting me through.  But...the stuff!  OMG the stuff!!  I am looking at what I'm keeping so much harder at what I am going to keep at my own house.  I think he will feel great when he is settled, but he is worried about the stuff.  He doesn't want to keep it...just wants to know how I am going to sell it, etc.  It's called an estate sale 😂😂😂.  Please pray for me that the heavy rain holds off until after the truck is unloaded 😊.

Edited December 1, 2018 by mlktwins

[DawnM]

I was thinking about this thread.  My oldest has Asperger's.  He says he is NOT in any way sentimental.  He tosses stuff like crazy, and then regrets some of it.  He was going through his clothes and tossing his (former beloved) T-shirts.   I am going back through and pulling out some of those that meant something.  His Philmont T-shirt, his Top Gun (scouts) T-shirt, and some tournaments he was in.  

I plan to eventually get a quilt made from them.  If he doesn't want it, I will keep it.  They are memories for me.  I am far more sentimental.

 

[Wheres Toto]

14 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I was thinking about this thread.  My oldest has Asperger's.  He says he is NOT in any way sentimental.  He tosses stuff like crazy, and then regrets some of it.  He was going through his clothes and tossing his (former beloved) T-shirts.   I am going back through and pulling out some of those that meant something.  His Philmont T-shirt, his Top Gun (scouts) T-shirt, and some tournaments he was in.  

I plan to eventually get a quilt made from them.  If he doesn't want it, I will keep it.  They are memories for me.  I am far more sentimental.

 

My Aspie son is the opposite.  I don't think it's so much sentimentality as not wanting things to change and be different.   He had a shirt that we bought him when he was about 3 that he just stopped wearing this year at 13.  The thing had rips on the bottom and barely covered his stomach, but he still wore it to bed.  

[DawnM]

Just now, Where's Toto? said:

My Aspie son is the opposite.  I don't think it's so much sentimentality as not wanting things to change and be different.   He had a shirt that we bought him when he was about 3 that he just stopped wearing this year at 13.  The thing had rips on the bottom and barely covered his stomach, but he still wore it to bed.  

 

They were important to him at one time, but I think once he wants to change, he goes overboard to get it 100% OUT.  Hot and Cold, Black and White.....it is exhausting.

[May]

I thought I was until HD started purging his theology books and a few set of commentaries. He gave motivation😊 Since then, I’ve purged desks, furniture, clothes, shoes and various home decor. I’m happy with the progress🌺

[Faith-manor]

We have moved cross country three times - anywhere from 1400-2500 miles each time - and the economics of moving that far, putting all of what we brought into temporary housing or storage while we found a home dictated losing attachment to a lot of things. I find that apart from the children's name ornaments and the ones we received from one of my music professors when we got married, a few special toys which we saved for our kids to hand down to their children if they have them, and some china that has been in the family for a century, I am pretty "meh" about everything else other than the baby grand piano, and sadly, if we do end up retiring overseas, she'll have to go. But, I have two adult kids who would like to have her so that's good.

Our house is cluttered. Dh is a project man and so are our sons. Sometimes I get completely overwhelmed. I am looking forward to the next move in order to purge it all.

[J-rap]

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

I was thinking about this thread.  My oldest has Asperger's.  He says he is NOT in any way sentimental.  He tosses stuff like crazy, and then regrets some of it.  He was going through his clothes and tossing his (former beloved) T-shirts.   I am going back through and pulling out some of those that meant something.  His Philmont T-shirt, his Top Gun (scouts) T-shirt, and some tournaments he was in.  

I plan to eventually get a quilt made from them.  If he doesn't want it, I will keep it.  They are memories for me.  I am far more sentimental.

 

What a great idea!!  When my dd had a semester abroad in Africa during college, she collected scraps of fabric, but then had no idea what to do with it all when she got home.  I had it made into a quilt for her 21st birthday.  She really cherishes it and the memories it brings.

[easypeasy]

I never think I'm sentimental until I start decluttering/downsizing. It's ridiculous. My dh votes to send me out of the country for a week and just let him go at it. The mere thought gives me nightmares! He'd keep nothing (important to me, at least)!