Am I being childish about this...

[Nemom]

My dd gave me a puzzle for Christmas.  It was something she picked out on her own and was one of my favorite gifts this year because it didn't come off of a list that I had given her.  It was well thought out as it a Supernatural puzzle which is still one of my favorite shows and something that her and I have enjoyed together through the years.  

 

I started working on it yesterday with her help which is fine.  What is bothering me is that the puzzle is pretty basic with just the four main characters and show title on a black/gray background and she has taken it upon herself to complete all the characters and writing.  I am pretty sure that once she has completed what I will call all of the "fun" parts of the puzzle, she will leave the rest for me.  ETA: she does this when I'm busy doing other things and not there to help.

 

I was looking forward to completing this puzzle and I consider her old enough to understand that when you give someone a gift you let them complete it.  I don't want to say anything or make a big deal about it but honestly, I'm a little hurt by it.  I'm feeling like she actually picked this puzzle for herself.

 

What is really getting me, I bought her a puzzle this year as well.  I know for a fact that if I sat down and started working on it without her or completed what she considered the "fun" parts she would be down right mad at me.  

 

Idk...maybe I'm just being over sensitive because right now the situation feels a bit like a metaphor for my whole life.  

Edited January 2, 2018 by Nemom

[Catwoman]

I think you're being overly sensitive. Have you asked your dd not to work on the puzzle without you? Maybe you could phrase it as wanting to do it together so it doesn't sound like you're annoyed that she has been working on the fun parts on her own.

[Ann.without.an.e]

 

 

Idk...maybe I'm just being over sensitive because right now the situation feels a bit like a metaphor for my whole life.  

 

 

When we feel this way, often multiple things seems to be against us at once and it does make us more sensitive. 

 

You have two options...

 

1) consider it good mom/daughter time and just work on it with her.

 

2) talk to her about it.

 

To not talk to her and hold it against her is not fair to her.

Edited January 2, 2018 by Attolia

[Kassia]

I don't think you're being childish.  Your dd is old enough to understand so I would say something tactfully to her about the situation.  Especially since you said that she would be upset or mad if it were the other way around.

 

ETA - I like the previous posters' ideas about working on it together.

Edited January 2, 2018 by Kassia

[OneStepAtATime]

She is not little anymore.  Can't you just discuss it with her?  Part of growing up is learning to respect other people's boundaries/wishes too.  That can take time.  She probably very much intended this to be your puzzle but since you allowed her to work with you on it she is probably just doing it the way she likes to do puzzles.  Be honest.  Smile at her, laugh about it, then be honest and say you really would rather do the puzzle yourself.  If she wants to help out, great, but if she takes all the fun parts then you won't enjoy it as much.  Keep it light but honest.  Surely at her age, if you approach it from a positive side, she will understand?

Edited January 2, 2018 by OneStepAtATime

[regentrude]

I am sorry you feel disappointed.

I would think it rather sweet if my DD wanted to spend time with me on a puzzle and would gladly let her do the 'fun" parts and enjoy the mother-daughter time, which I would consider way more important than the puzzle. I don't think she is under any obligation to stay with it until the puzzle is completed.

Also, you can always do the puzzle over again and do it all by yourself, so it's not like she is taking anything away from you.

 

Could it be that, because you say it's a metaphor for your life, you are reading more into it?

Edited January 2, 2018 by regentrude

[maize]

I would not expect her to know that you would prefer she not work on it without you if you have not told her that.

[rutamattatt]

I am a puzzle lover.  They are like therapy for me.  I have felt that way too when my kids jumped in and worked on a puzzle I had started without asking.  One time they finished it without me.   :crying:   It sounds petty, but it really bothered me.

 

I like the suggestions from PP to talk to her about it.  

[Elizabeth86]

How old is she?

Edited January 2, 2018 by Elizabeth86

[J-rap]

I'm usually not this blunt, but I do think it's childish and I can't imagine being hurt by that.  

 

In our home, puzzles are always a family affair, even if it's a gift to one person.

 

[Elizabeth86]

I'm usually not this blunt, but I do think it's childish and I can't imagine being hurt by that.

 

In our home, puzzles are always a family affair, even if it's a gift to one person.

I pretty much agree. Also, puzzles can be worked again and again so...I might change my mind if I knew the age of your dd.

[Nemom]

This child isn't my easy one to talk to.  If I say something, she will likely take it personally and not hear that I would like to work on it together but rather only here me saying "I don't want you working on it."  Which isn't true at all.

 

Since posting I'm realizing what time of the month it is and that my hormones are likely really out of whack which isn't helping.  Menopause is looming and has caused me some serious emotional swings the last few months.  UGH!  

 

Yep.  I am crying for no reason now.  It is going to be a long day for all.   :crying:

Edited January 2, 2018 by Nemom

[Nemom]

How old is she?

Approaching 16.

[Selkie]

I love working on puzzles and that wouldn't bother me at all. You can always take the puzzle apart and do it over by yourself.

Edited January 2, 2018 by Selkie

[Jean in Newcastle]

You will be able to take it apart at the end and work on it again all on your own. 

[Elizabeth86]

This child isn't my easy one to talk to. If I say something, she will likely take it personally and not hear that I would like to work on it together but rather only here me saying "I don't want you working on it." Which isn't true at all.

 

Since posting I'm realizing what time of the month it is and that my hormones are likely really out of whack which isn't helping. Menopause is looming and has caused me some serious emotional swings the last few months. UGH!

 

Yep. I am crying for no reason now. It is going to be a long day for all. :crying:

Gotcha, well that makes perfect sense. Hormones suck. I vote for just let it go, hormones make me feel differently from how I really feel. :grouphug:

[Elizabeth86]

Approaching 16.

Yeah she should know. I had this as like maybe 11 year old and I was thinking yeah that sounds ok, but not 16.

[Catwoman]

This child isn't my easy one to talk to.  If I say something, she will likely take it personally and not hear that I would like to work on it together but rather only here me saying "I don't want you working on it."  Which isn't true at all.

 

Since posting I'm realizing what time of the month it is and that my hormones are likely really out of whack which isn't helping.  Menopause is looming and has caused me some serious emotional swings the last few months.  UGH!  

 

Yep.  I am crying for no reason now.  It is going to be a long day for all.   :crying:

 

If you think it's your hormones talking, let it go for now and see how you feel in another day or two. 

 

But how about telling your dd that you've decided it would be more fun to do the puzzle as a team rather than separately, and asking her when she will be available to work on it with you? That might give her the hint that you don't want her to do it alone, without making it seem like you're annoyed. Maybe phrase it more like, "I love this puzzle you gave me, and I'm hoping we can do the whole thing together."

 

 

(Edited for typo)

Edited January 2, 2018 by Catwoman

[Elizabeth86]

If you think it's your hormones talking, let it go for now and see how you feel in another day or two.

 

But how about telling your dd that you've decided it would be more fun to do the puzzle as a team rather than separately, and asking her when she will be available to work on it with you? That might give her the hint that you don't want her to do it alone, without making it seem like you're annoyed. Maybe phrase it more like, "I love this puzzle you gave me, and I'm hoping we can do the whole thing together."

 

 

(Edited for typo)

good advice

[Twigs]

… Also, you can always do the puzzle over again and do it all by yourself, so it's not like she is taking anything away from you. …

:iagree:

 

… Yep.  I am crying for no reason now.  It is going to be a long day for all.   :crying:

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

You will be able to take it apart at the end and work on it again all on your own. 

:iagree:

[Nemom]

You will be able to take it apart at the end and work on it again all on your own. 

 

This is an obvious no brainer answer for normal people.  I'm not normal though.  I never do a puzzle twice or read a book a second time.   :blushing:  I just can't do it... :confused1:  

 

Lol.

[OneStepAtATime]

It is tough when you are dealing with hormones and she is a challenging child to talk to that takes things as a criticism even when they are not.  Yeah, take a deep breath and either try to work on it as a team or maybe try to address this when you are feeling stronger.

 

The thing is, this is actually an important life lesson.  She is nearly 16, not even a pre-teen.  If she is oversensitive and hard to talk with then probably there have been many times in the past as well where other's needs/wants/desires took a back seat to hers so as not to cause conflict.  That can exacerbate her difficulties with really understanding another person's feelings.  Honestly in the long run she could end up being consistently insensitive to others without ever intending to.  The puzzle is a small thing in the grand scheme of life but it sounds like it is just one small piece of a larger, potentially more problematic situation.  Also, do you end up feeling like you are the one that over and over gives up what you need/want/hope for so that others can be happy or to avoid conflict?

 

I would try to talk to her.  Keep it light, keep it upbeat, keep it positive but I would definitely say something.  She won't know this is a problem unless you say something but also saying something helps her in the long run, hopefully, to be more aware of other people's feelings, too.  You can try wording it in a joking manner, maybe, to help her see that you were really looking forward to doing the puzzle and you welcome her helping but you want to do fun parts, too.  Keep a smile on your face.  We all sometimes need help to see another person's view/feelings and to be considerate of those feelings when possible.

[maize]

Yeah she should know. I had this as like maybe 11 year old and I was thinking yeah that sounds ok, but not 16.

Really? Mom and kid started working on the puzzle together; if Dh and I started working on a puzzle together, even one I gave him, I would think nothing of continuing to work on it alone when he was occupied. And he would think nothing of me doing that.

 

I would certainly not expect a 15 year old to read mom's mind and know that mom would prefer her to not continue working on the puzzle if mom is not at the table.

 

Expecting people--kids or adults--to mind read and being offended when they don't causes a lot of unnecessary heartache.

Edited January 2, 2018 by maize

[MedicMom]

This child isn't my easy one to talk to. If I say something, she will likely take it personally and not hear that I would like to work on it together but rather only here me saying "I don't want you working on it." Which isn't true at all.

 

Since posting I'm realizing what time of the month it is and that my hormones are likely really out of whack which isn't helping. Menopause is looming and has caused me some serious emotional swings the last few months. UGH!

 

Yep. I am crying for no reason now. It is going to be a long day for all. :crying:

I would purchase the same puzzle and give it to her. You can both work on them together and there will be enough fun for everyone.

 

I think you’re being overly sensitive and wouldn’t say anything, especially if this is not a child who takes it well.

[Elizabeth86]

This is an obvious no brainer answer for normal people. I'm not normal though. I never do a puzzle twice or read a book a second time. :blushing: I just can't do it... :confused1:

 

Lol.

:lol: it happens.

[Elizabeth86]

Really? Mom and kid started working on the puzzle together; if Dh and I started working on a puzzle together, even one I gave him, I would think nothing of continuing to work on it alone when he was occupied. And he would think nothing of me doing that.

 

I would certainly not expect a 15 year old to read mom's mind and know that mom would prefer her to not continue working on the puzzle if mom is at the table.

 

Expecting people--kids or adults--to mind read and being offended when they don't causes a lot of unnecessary heartache.

Well maybe so, but I just wouldn't think a kid this old or adult would do this.

 

When dh and I start for instance a tv show together neither of us would finish with out the other. I'd think the same would be true for a puzzle. I may be off base though? Quite likely, I usually am.

[Peaceseeker]

If this bothers you buy a puzzle mat and roll the puzzle up when you aren't working on it and stash it somewhere. Then unroll it when you are available to do it with her.

 

Open puzzles lying around just naturally invite people to fiddle with them and try to find a few pieces. It would probably not bother you so much if it was a big complicated one as you might appreciate the help! With such a simple one though, I could see where the fun was all gone when you got back to it lol.

 

Let this one go and next time try a puzzle mat!

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I agree with everyone else that says don't be resentful if you haven't explicitly addressed it.  

 

I'd go with something like, "Hey!  You're doing all the best parts!  Let's split the rest of the puzzle up down the middle, you work on the left hand side and I'll do the right hand side, that way we both get the fun part and we both have some of the background and edge."

 

Even as an adult, I would find it virtually irresistible to *not* work on an open puzzle laid out in a public part of the home.  And the fun part is usually fun because it goes together easiest and give the biggest bang for buck in terms of time commitment.  She is most likely not maliciously taking *the fun part*, she is just working the puzzle the way most puzzles are worked, form most engaging section to more boring sections.  

[Nemom]

It is tough when you are dealing with hormones and she is a challenging child to talk to that takes things as a criticism even when they are not.  Yeah, take a deep breath and either try to work on it as a team or maybe try to address this when you are feeling stronger.

 

The thing is, this is actually an important life lesson.  She is nearly 16, not even a pre-teen.  If she is oversensitive and hard to talk with then probably there have been many times in the past as well where other's needs/wants/desires took a back seat to hers so as not to cause conflict.  That can exacerbate her difficulties with really understanding another person's feelings. 1) Honestly in the long run she could end up being consistently insensitive to others without ever intending to.  The puzzle is a small thing in the grand scheme of life but it sounds like it is just one small piece of a larger, potentially more problematic situation. 

 

 

2) Also, do you end up feeling like you are the one that over and over gives up what you need/want/hope for so that others can be happy or to avoid conflict?

 

I would try to talk to her.  Keep it light, keep it upbeat, keep it positive but I would definitely say something.  She won't know this is a problem unless you say something but also saying something helps her in the long run, hopefully, to be more aware of other people's feelings, too.  You can try wording it in a joking manner, maybe, to help her see that you were really looking forward to doing the puzzle and you welcome her helping but you want to do fun parts, too.  Keep a smile on your face.  We all sometimes need help to see another person's view/feelings and to be considerate of those feelings when possible.

1)  This is my concern.  I'm afraid I have seen other instances where she hasn't considered other's feelings.  I don't think it has been on purpose but do feel it needs to be addressed.  She also has someone else living in the home who should be setting a better example and doesn't.  Long story that I can't get into on here.  Her own chronic health life long health issues have only contributed to this as well.

 

2)  YES!  Again...can't get into it on this board without breaking rules.

 

I'm going to let my hormones calm down before I say anything and then I am going to try to approach it from her perspective on her own puzzle.  

 

Talking about here definitely has calmed me down.  Thanks!!

[sassenach]

1) This is my concern. I'm afraid I have seen other instances where she hasn't considered other's feelings. I don't think it has been on purpose but do feel it needs to be addressed. She also has someone else living in the home who should be setting a better example and doesn't. Long story that I can't get into on here. Her own chronic health life long health issues have only contributed to this as well.

 

2) YES! Again...can't get into it on this board without breaking rules.

 

I'm going to let my hormones calm down before I say anything and then I am going to try to approach it from her perspective on her own puzzle.

 

Talking about here definitely has calmed me down. Thanks!!

Addressing #1. That is so, so typical for that age. 15 year olds can be stunningly myopic and self centered. See also: 17 and 19. For whatever reason, I’ve found odd year teens to be a pain.

 

Good news! Who she is now is not who she will always be.

 

My teen approach is to take nothing personally. I would say that, yes, this is an overreaction. It sounds like you have good self awareness about that and the underlying reasons why, so I would greatly encourage you to let this specific issue go. Instead, think of ways to nurture yourself in the big picture.

 

How can you carve out a space and time to push some of your own interests and needs to the forefront?

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'd just finish it and then do it again (so I can do the fun parts).

 

 

[happi duck]

(hugs)

 

I might leave a happy note on top of the puzzle "please don't work on this without me!"

[Tanaqui]

I wouldn't say you're being oversensitive, but I still think it's an unreasonable expectation that your kid will know she's bugging you if you haven't told her.

 

If she's prone to taking things personally I don't know the best way to tell her to knock it off, but I think that once you've found it you have to do it.

[LMD]

I agree with light and jokey - if you're going to bring it up.

 

"Darn it, you got to x's dreamy eyes before me!"

[Annie G]

Maybe you're being more sensitive than someone else would be but it's your gift and it's ok to feel disappointed that she's doing the fun parts, especially while you're busy doing something less fun.  

 

If she's hard to talk to, maybe just leave a note on the puzzle saying that the puzzle is getting done so fast and you want to stretch out the fun you're having with the gift. So maybe ask her to leave two characters for you to finish. 

 

We nearly always have a puzzle going and dh was working on a couple of specific parts last night. He's gone to work now and if he came home to find those parts done, I know it would disappoint him.  So if I work on it while he's gone I work on a different part. And if I find a piece I think will go in his section I just put it near what he's working on.  Other people think that's silly but it's what works for us. 

[StephanieZ]

Bummer.

 

I'd be perturbed. I'd ask her not to work on the puzzle w/o you. 

 

When Mom had Alzheimer's, and was living with us, I bought her these pricy large-piece and high quality puzzles. 100-200 pieces (fewer as her dementia advanced, we probably bought at least 20 over 6 months). They'd be like $15-20 each, so not cheap, and Mom never wanted to work a puzzle she'd already worked previously (and her memory was still good enough to remember she'd worked a certain puzzle before.... by the time it got bad enough I could have gotten away with recycling puzzles, she'd lost interest in puzzles).

 

So, they were one-time-use puzzles. With a helper, one puzzle would keep her entertained for several hours over several sessions, so long as the helper was being reasonable about not SOLVING THE WHOLE DAMN PUZZLE in a few minutes. Ideal helper would "act like" I/they was/were working on the puzzle by periodically actually placing a piece or two, but mainly rearranging the undone pieces making it easier for Mom to find matches and just being companionable. I.e., put similar pieces together . . . find the ones she's working on and put them near her hand, etc. I.e., just like you'd help a 4 year old work a tricky-for-them puzzle... Not rocket science. 

 

Meanwhile, I had various hired helpers to keep Mom company, entertained, and safe. One helper came and would work the whole damn puzzle in under an hour, not only "wasting" Mom's puzzle but also discouraging Mom as the pieces so rapidly disappeared and it made her feel slow/stupid. I fired her. (I gladly taught hired helpers a great deal about dementia care, but if you're stupid enough to place 20 pieces a minute while your employer/patient maybe gets one piece in 2 minutes, and is clearly losing interest and having no fun with you . . . then, you're just too stupid to bother to teach. Good God.) It was very satisfying, and I usually **hate** firing people. Not that time. Nobody makes my momma feel stupid or uses her toys. Especially not a somebody who was on the damn clock! (RIP, Mom. Wish she was here to work puzzles with.) 

 

 

[JFSinIL]

Let her finish...then break it apart again and start over, telling her "MY turn now - hands off".

[fralala]

I'm feeling like she actually picked this puzzle for herself.

 

OK, ouch. I don't know if this is the main thing that is bothering you, but this feeling is one that gives me sympathy pains.

 

Especially since the first few lines you wrote about how it was the perfect gift for you, and how good it felt to receive that gift from your daughter, were so warm and fuzzy.

 

I bet she really did want to get you the perfect gift. And maybe even now she knows she's kind of annoying you by doing the best parts but...she can't help herself.

 

Do you think that maybe, in many ways (like, in your puzzle preferences and what hurts your feelings and gets you rankled and maybe even in your hormonal moods) you two are perhaps suffering from a case from "hurting each other because you're too much alike"?

 

Just a thought. My kids aren't that age yet, so feel free to ignore it. We get in disputes over the marble run. (They try to play while I'm building. Grrrr.)

 

Also, while it won't necessary help your bad feelings, have you written a thank you card to your daughter yet? I'm sure she heard your gratitude, but what you wrote in your first post about what the puzzle meant to you was really touching, and I think your daughter should see that. (Although I just realized that could seem like advice to send a passive-aggressive guilt trip. That's not what I mean. Just maybe it will help her see herself again in the light that you saw her when you received the gift. Which doesn't solve the whole puzzle problem, but might be nice for your relationship.)

[Rosika]

 

Idk...maybe I'm just being over sensitive because right now the situation feels a bit like a metaphor for my whole life.  

 

:grouphug: Make room for me, I relate 100%. It's good that you recognize this as influencing how you've reacted to the puzzle situation. 

 

 

This is an obvious no brainer answer for normal people.  I'm not normal though.  I never do a puzzle twice or read a book a second time.   :blushing:  I just can't do it... :confused1:  

 

Lol.

 

Yes, exactly! LOL That's the real problem here, I think. For people like us who are one-timers, it's much harder to "get over it." Even if I don't finish it myself, if I've had any hands or eyes on it at all it's "done" forever at that point. Too funny, I thought I was the only one. 

 

But I'm learning to recognize the really important things in life, which are the kids. And it's hard to do that when you're living under the fog of it being a "metaphor for [your] whole life" - it really is. You know it intellectually, but your heart and emotions sometimes are slow to get the memo. It may feel like she bought it for herself, but maybe that's just because it's an interest you two share? She shares your interest, your enthusiasm for it, and bought a gift she figured you two would do together. And that's sweet, even if highly annoying. LOL

 

I'd leave it out, let her finish it, then I'd buy my own (different version of course!) and do it in the bathroom while pretending to shower. I'd roll it up and bring it with me every night for 20 min or so.  :lol: No lie. I do all of my covert, don't wanna share stuff in there while pretending to shower!

[Selkie]

It seems like you're hinting at some unhappiness with your dh. If that's the case, could your annoyance with your dd be misplaced anger that should be directed at your dh? My apologies if I'm misreading the situation, but that's what jumped out at me from your posts.

[luuknam]

So, you could talk to her about it, or you could go do her puzzle, or you can go feel resentful indefinitely. 

 

It's not asking someone else to mind read. It's like as if they bought you some yummy candy, and then finish it off when you're busy doing something else. Just because you shared some of it while you were having some, doesn't mean that it's okay to just help yourself anytime. That's not cool, and a teen should know better.

Edited January 2, 2018 by luuknam

[Corraleno]

I was looking forward to completing this puzzle and I consider her old enough to understand that when you give someone a gift you let them complete it.  I don't want to say anything or make a big deal about it but honestly, I'm a little hurt by it.  I'm feeling like she actually picked this puzzle for herself.

 

What is really getting me, I bought her a puzzle this year as well.  I know for a fact that if I sat down and started working on it without her or completed what she considered the "fun" parts she would be down right mad at me.

I'm sorry. :(

 

I'd be annoyed, too. To me, that would be like getting a nice box of chocolates or a good bottle of wine as a gift, and really looking forward to enjoying it, then watching the giver consume most of my "present" themselves. Not only is it disappointing to not be able to enjoy the item itself, it kind of diminishes the emotional value of the item as a gift.

 

:grouphug: 

 

[regentrude]

I'd be annoyed, too. To me, that would be like getting a nice box of chocolates or a good bottle of wine as a gift, and really looking forward to enjoying it, then watching the giver consume most of my "present" themselves. Not only is it disappointing to not be able to enjoy the item itself, it kind of diminishes the emotional value of the item as a gift.

 

You can eat chocolate only once.

A puzzle is not "consumed"; you can do the same puzzle one hundred times if you wish.

 

I see it as a kid giving an activity to her mom that she is excited about doing together.

Edited January 2, 2018 by regentrude

[Corraleno]

You can eat chocolate only once.

A puzzle is not "consumed"; you can do the same puzzle one hundred times if you wish.

 

I see it as a kid giving an activity to her mom that she is excited about doing together.

 

But the OP says she never does a puzzle more than once, so for her it is a one-time "consumable." I assume the DD knows that, especially since the OP says DD would be very upset if the OP did the DD's puzzle. Plus the issue isn't that the DD is doing the puzzle with her mom, the issue is that the DD is doing it without her.

Edited January 2, 2018 by Corraleno

[kitten18]

I could see myself having the same reaction.  I know it's not really mature, but there it is. 

 

 

I just wanted to say, I bought that same puzzle for myself for Christmas and also a Supernatural coffee mug.  :tongue_smilie:

[Catwoman]

But the OP says she never does a puzzle more than once, so for her it is a one-time "consumable." I assume the DD knows that, especially since the OP says DD would be very upset if the OP did the DD's puzzle. Plus the issue isn't that the DD is doing the puzzle with her mom, the issue is that the DD is doing it without her.

I agree, but I think the problem here is that the dd doesn’t know her mom doesn’t want her to work on the puzzle unless they’re working on it together. The dd is probably just having fun, and she thinks she’s helping Mom with the puzzle.

 

I don’t think the OP can expect her dd to be a mindreader.

[Corraleno]

I agree, but I think the problem here is that the dd doesn’t know her mom doesn’t want her to work on the puzzle unless they’re working on it together. The dd is probably just having fun, and she thinks she’s helping Mom with the puzzle.

 

I don’t think the OP can expect her dd to be a mindreader.

But the OP said that DD would be very upset if the exact same thing were done to her. Doing unto others what you would most definitely not want done unto you is pretty thoughtless and insensitive. If she really hasn't made that connection her own mind, then she needs that connection pointed out to her.

[Nemom]

I agree, but I think the problem here is that the dd doesn’t know her mom doesn’t want her to work on the puzzle unless they’re working on it together. The dd is probably just having fun, and she thinks she’s helping Mom with the puzzle.

 

I don’t think the OP can expect her dd to be a mindreader.

 

I do not expect her to be a mindreader at all.  However, I do expect her to change her perspective and look at things from how would she feel if someone did the same (hypothetical) thing to her.

 

I know she wouldn't appreciate me working on her puzzle.  In fact, it would not surprise me at all if she completes her own puzzle in her room so that she can work on it alone.  She's sneaky that way.   :glare:

[OneStepAtATime]

I do not expect her to be a mindreader at all.  However, I do expect her to change her perspective and look at things from how would she feel if someone did the same (hypothetical) thing to her.

 

I know she wouldn't appreciate me working on her puzzle.  In fact, it would not surprise me at all if she completes her own puzzle in her room so that she can work on it alone.  She's sneaky that way.   :glare:

The thing is, not everyone intuitively makes that leap.  Sometimes people (especially people with a teenage brain)  need someone else to help them connect the dots in a positive and loving way.  

[Nemom]

OK, ouch. I don't know if this is the main thing that is bothering you, but this feeling is one that gives me sympathy pains.

 

Especially since the first few lines you wrote about how it was the perfect gift for you, and how good it felt to receive that gift from your daughter, were so warm and fuzzy.

 

I bet she really did want to get you the perfect gift. And maybe even now she knows she's kind of annoying you by doing the best parts but...she can't help herself.

 

Do you think that maybe, in many ways (like, in your puzzle preferences and what hurts your feelings and gets you rankled and maybe even in your hormonal moods) you two are perhaps suffering from a case from "hurting each other because you're too much alike"?

 

 

 

 

Hmmm...maybe.