Alice Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 So we had a houseguest who was supposed to be arriving last night. We don’t know this person at all, he’s a friend of a friend. It’s a college student who is coming into town for a conference. They asked if anyone could host him for a few nights and we offered. He was supposed to arrive late last night (around 11 pm). We told him that we’d leave the door unlocked and that we’d be asleep but that he could go downstairs to the guest room. We left lights on. We also told him that we have a dog and that she would likely bark but not to worry and that if we work up we’d come say hi. He never arrived. No emails or texts. We emailed him and texted him today just to check in but haven’t heard back yet. Thoughts? On the one hand, I’m guessing he’s just a slightly clueless kid who got another offer or decided not to use our house but forgot/neglected to tell us. Or many his travel plans changed and he’s coming today. It was initially a little unclear what day he was coming but in the emails he definitely said Thursday night. But maybe that changed. On the other hand...I’m a little worried and wondering if we should do more to find him. To find him would mean contacting the person who we know who knows him...but she is a college student and I’d have to contact her parents at work to get her number. And she’s away at college so there isn’t really anything she would do other than text him...which we already did. I guess I could try and find the conference he was going to and call them but I also don’t want to create a big hullabaloo if he just changed his plans and didn’t tell us. I’m going back and forth between “he’s an adult and it’s not my business if he changed his plans†to “he’s a kid and I would want someone to find my kidâ€. WWYD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 First continue texting and calling. Then I would continue to try to find him. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I'd follow up. I'd be tempted to call the conference and ask them to pass on a message to him. Or they might be able to tell you if the person has checked in to the conference though they probably wouldn't want to ... & yeah, I'd contact the friend. They may have other numbers or emails or their twitter account etc for the person. If they have a budget phone plan isn't it possible their texts aren't working? My dd's phone doesn't work in certain towns unless she turns on super expensive roaming.... but yeah, I'd follow up. I have no issues being a nosy fusspot & if something is wrong, the sooner it's known, the better. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 (edited) If you know the college the friend goes to, can you look up her contact info (email anyway) there? Or using those pieces and looking on FB or somewhere? If not, I'd contact the parents to get the info. If the missing lad were mine, I'd want someone double checking to see that something didn't go wrong - even a car accident or similar, esp since he had made specific plans with you. If his friend has heard from him, all should be well, but if not, I can't imagine that waiting has a positive aspect to it. If he's fine, it's neutral. If he's not, sooner is usually better with looking for someone. Edited December 1, 2017 by creekland 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 IMO, as far as the "he's a adult..." sentiment, he lost that when/if he changed his plans and didn't follow up with his host. Now he can accept whatever makes you feel most assured/comfortable with the situation. (So check in all you want, if it would otherwise make you worry.) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I would text and say I was concerned and please let you know he's okay, in case he just feels awkward he has changed planned. I would say it was fine with you if he has other plans but please let you know. If there was no response to that I would follow up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I absolutely would follow up. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 Is he driving or does he need to fly? If he need to fly do you have his flight number? Driving would be tricky because it’s hard to know where someone would be, he could be very tired and make a pit stop somewhere overnight and forgot to inform (and still be asleep). If you have his flight number then it’s easier to check for flight delays or arrival times. I would be worried though if he is driving and I didn’t get any text especially when McDonald’s and Starbucks has power sockets and free WiFi to use. I would call the parent of the college kid who is the friend. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted December 1, 2017 Author Share Posted December 1, 2017 As I was writing, I decided we should follow-up. I’d want someone to do that for my kid in a similar situation. We did tell him earlier when we texted and emailed that if his plans changed it was totally fine, we were just making sure he was ok. I ended up having the friend’s number and sent her a text. And I just called the conference to see if he checked in. They were going to look and call me back. Thanks, sometimes just writing something out here makes the decision more clear. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 After allowing a reasonable time for the no-show to respond to you, I would contact whoever contacted you to ask you to host, and let them know you have not heard from the person. In the unlikely event that something bad happened, someone should know to look for him. I also think the person who asked you should tell the no-show off for being such a doof (if that was all that happened). Some time ago I was signed up as a mentor for an international student. We were scheduled to get together multiple times, but she flaked out every time and didn't always bother to let me know. I did inform the person who set up the arrangement between us. I would want to know if someone in my program was jerking people around so I could counsel them and make sure they didn't do that to others in the future. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I'd follow up. He's probably just being flakey, but I'd still follow up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 Sounds like you've already taken steps. I'd follow up too. It doesn't take much effort to send a text or email. I'd feel pretty certain that everything was fine. (I could see some of my nephews doing that...) But, it doesn't hurt to confirm. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 (edited) I hope he is just young and shy and changed plans instead of “imposing†on you, and that he is fine. I’m glad you followed up, though. I’d want someone to do that for my kid, even if they were just being a nincompoop. At the very least, there is a life lesson to be learned here about the importance of communication. Edited December 1, 2017 by fraidycat 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I hope you hear that he’s fine soon. Glad you are following up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted December 1, 2017 Author Share Posted December 1, 2017 I heard from the conference that he checked in. So the answer is just flakey. :) I’d rather that than something bad. 39 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodiesmom Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 (edited) I'm so glad he is okay. He very well may be flakey, but he is also incredibly inconsiderate...especially given that your attempts to contact him went unanswered. Edited December 1, 2017 by bodiesmom 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I heard from the conference that he checked in. So the answer is just flakey. :) I’d rather that than something bad. Same here. Thanks for the update. Someone needs to teach that young man some basic communication, but not you. Hopefully his friends will do it. You've done your part. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 Depending on how he traveled, he could have traveled all night and then gone directly to the conference. I wouldn't have done that but in my younger days. . . He still should have communicated no matter what though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 Thanks for the update. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I really hope you get a good apology out of this! You did the right thing to make sure he was ok. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I can't fathom ever staying in a stranger's house when they would not be staying up to let me in and I couldn't even meet them before crashing in their guest room. Maybe he thought the situation was too awkward, but he should have told you regardless of the reason his plans changed. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I heard from the conference that he checked in. So the answer is just flakey. :) I’d rather that than something bad. I'm glad he's ok, you were right to check up. I hope that he discovers you checked on him, though, and realized his lack of courtesy in notifying you was neither cool nor professional. IOW I hope he learns from the mistake. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xahm Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I'm imagining a neighborhood with similar houses. In the dark, he went into the wrong house and slept in the wrong guest bed. When he got your texts, he realized what happened and was mortified and terrified. I don't think that happened, but it is what I'm imagining. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I'm imagining a neighborhood with similar houses. In the dark, he went into the wrong house and slept in the wrong guest bed. When he got your texts, he realized what happened and was mortified and terrified. I don't think that happened, but it is what I'm imagining. that reminded me of something that happened here a couple years ago. "A North Vancouver man who found a drunk stranger snoozing in his bed responded in what might be the most Canadian way possible – by offering him another one, instead" there's video of the encounter :D http://nationalpost.com/news/canada/vancouver-man-comes-home-to-find-drunk-stranger-in-his-bed-hilarious-video-follows 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 (edited) Further update...we did hear back from him early afternoon when he must have finally seen our texts. He just decided to stay with someone else from his college last night. A couple of posters wondered how he traveled, he flew (we didn’t know flight info) and then was going to take Uber here. So, it wasn’t that he was driving and ran into traffic or something and decided to go somewhere closer. It may have been that he felt awkward coming in so late and that’s understandable. But it still would have been nice to tell us that this early this morning. Anyway, he’s still staying here the rest of the weekend so we’ll get a chance to meet him. :) Edited December 2, 2017 by Alice 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 I'm imagining a neighborhood with similar houses. In the dark, he went into the wrong house and slept in the wrong guest bed. When he got your texts, he realized what happened and was mortified and terrified. I don't think that happened, but it is what I'm imagining. We were joking about that earlier today when we were wondering what had happened. My kids were like “maybe we should go knock on the neighbor’s door and tell them to check their guest roomâ€. :) 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 Further update...we did hear back from him early afternoon when he must have finally seen our texts. He just decided to stay with someone else from his college last night. A couple of posters wondered how he traveled, he flew (we didn’t know flight info) and then was going to take Uber here. So, it wasn’t that he was driving and ran into traffic or something and decided to go somewhere closer. It may have been that he felt awkward coming in so late and that’s understandable. But it still would have been nice to tell us that this early this morning. Anyway, he’s still staying here the rest of the weekend so we’ll get a chance to meet him. :) You are very kind. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 Further update...we did hear back from him early afternoon when he must have finally seen our texts. He just decided to stay with someone else from his college last night. A couple of posters wondered how he traveled, he flew (we didn’t know flight info) and then was going to take Uber here. So, it wasn’t that he was driving and ran into traffic or something and decided to go somewhere closer. It may have been that he felt awkward coming in so late and that’s understandable. But it still would have been nice to tell us that this early this morning. Anyway, he’s still staying here the rest of the weekend so we’ll get a chance to meet him. :) It sounds like he's quite nice and considerate aside from not letting you know. I bet he doesn't make that mistake again. Perhaps "life lesson" learned? I hope y'all enjoy your time together! Is it an interesting convention you can ask about? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I hope y'all enjoy your time together! Is it an interesting convention you can ask about? Is it a linguistics conference, by chance? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 Is it a linguistics conference, by chance? No, anthropology. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 Depending on how he traveled, he could have traveled all night and then gone directly to the conference. I wouldn't have done that but in my younger days. . . He still should have communicated no matter what though. Maybe leave the door unlocked tonight again - just in case. :lol: He should have been notifying you of his change in plans - any change in plans. Shheeesh. Here we are, the whole hive worried sick. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I can't fathom ever staying in a stranger's house when they would not be staying up to let me in and I couldn't even meet them before crashing in their guest room. Maybe he thought the situation was too awkward, but he should have told you regardless of the reason his plans changed. This is what I was thinking. I don't think I could ever stay in someone's house under those circumstances. I think I'd rather sleep in the airport than do that. No excuse for not letting you know, though. Glad it's all worked out though and I agree you are very kind to let him stay with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 (edited) Never mind. Just saw the update. Edited December 2, 2017 by Word Nerd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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