Promposals

[Murphy101]

It is not allowed in our house. We don't think they are cute or funny. We think they are weird and unreasonable. Prom should be fun and exciting. No pressure.

 

I have two going to proms at local public high schools this month. No dates. They are going with a group of friends. They are not dating anyone and neither are their friends, so they have all decided to go as a group of about 10-12. They are going out to eat, prom, and then glow bowling.

 

Also, as a side note, my dh is forbidden to ever shop with us for a future wedding when the day comes. Me and dd16 shopping. Oh this is a nice dress and a decent price. Yay. Great dress for a decent price and she loves it! Dh goes with us yesterday when her dress came in to get it fitted (just hemmed) and select shoes and other accessories. Me and dd: It cost $60 to hem the dress?!?!!?!!? Dh rolling his misty eyes: Just do it. She's so happy with it. Just pay whatever. Me and dd: These shoes are amazing, but daaaang. $80 for shoes?! Dh: oh stop it. Looks at daughter adoringly, do you like them? They are perfect for that dress aren't they? Don't worry about the cost.

 

I refused to let husband tag along to go purse and jewelry shopping. He was left at home. Pouting.

 

And yet I mentioned maybe buying that miracurl thingie and he acted all shocked and horrified.🤣

[happi duck]

Too much pressure both to give and *receive*.

 

I feel the same about over-the-top marriage proposals as well.

[mom2scouts]

I'm not a fan of the promposal. What a lot of pressure! It does seem to be more about the social media posting than about the invitation. Last year, we had a guy come into a girl's dance class with his friends, signs, flowers, and candy to make a promposal. I wonder if any of the girls or parents were thinking "I pay a lot of money for that hour of instruction and half of it shouldn't be taken up by someone else's social event." Another was a mom who posted about her son and friends showing up on his girlfriend's doorstep to sing a promposal.

 

We have a thing here where groups of prom goers gather at the home of the richest friend in the group and take pictures in their back yard landscaped with ponds or waterfalls. I didn't even know there were people in my community who were that wealthy until I was standing in a kitchen that was bigger than my entire house. After that they take a limo to an expensive restaurant and then to prom. It's so over the top! 

 

As for "the best years of your life", I did have some great experiences in high school, but it definitely wasn't the highlight of my life!

[Guest]

It is not allowed in our house. We don't think they are cute or funny. We think they are weird and unreasonable. Prom should be fun and exciting. No pressure.

 

I have two going to proms at local public high schools this month. No dates. They are going with a group of friends. They are not dating anyone and neither are their friends, so they have all decided to go as a group of about 10-12. They are going out to eat, prom, and then glow bowling.

 

Also, as a side note, my dh is forbidden to ever shop with us for a future wedding when the day comes. Me and dd16 shopping. Oh this is a nice dress and a decent price. Yay. Great dress for a decent price and she loves it! Dh goes with us yesterday when her dress came in to get it fitted (just hemmed) and select shoes and other accessories. Me and dd: It cost $60 to hem the dress?!?!!?!!? Dh rolling his misty eyes: Just do it. She's so happy with it. Just pay whatever. Me and dd: These shoes are amazing, but daaaang. $80 for shoes?! Dh: oh stop it. Looks at daughter adoringly, do you like them? They are perfect for that dress aren't they? Don't worry about the cost.

 

I refused to let husband tag along to go purse and jewelry shopping. He was left at home. Pouting.

 

And yet I mentioned maybe buying that miracurl thingie and he acted all shocked and horrified.🤣

That reminds me--the wedding dress sales lady tried to convince me to buy shoes that were made to go with my dress. I bought $10 comfy, white sandles at Walmart and no one had a clue because you couldn't see them anyway.

[teachermom2834]

I have seen two trends for prom here that I do like. I am not sure if it is regional, as I am from a different part of the country, or if it is generational. When I was in high school there were separate proms for juniors and seniors. So couples that were a year apart in school or popular kids who always got invited would actually have two proms to attend at their own school. They would not wear the same dress so all the expenses would double. Here there is just one prom and juniors and seniors are eligible to go. I like it better that way. Also, when I was in high school, everyone took limos. I do see some kids here getting limos but it is the exception. Most kids drive their own cars or maybe a nicer car that belongs to a parent. The flip side of this is worrying about kids on the road late but it is more reasonable financially.

 

So, while I am grumpy about promposals I do want to give a nod to a couple of more reasonable prom trends.

 

My ds is out about $200 already just for tux and corsage. He will also buy dinner I am sure. Sigh. At least he works so it is his own money. (Though dh and I will probably throw him some cash for dinner).

[Seasider]

If people worried half as much about what it takes to stay married as they do planning a wedding and outdoing the Joneses, there would be many happier marriages.

Amen amen amen!!!

[Garga]

Related to all this:  people who tell kids that the high school years "are the best years of your life."  In other words, it's all downhill from here, kids!  And then what about those of us who had horrible high school experiences?   I'm sure glad high school wasn't the high point of my life.

 

My best friend in high school used to roll her eyes at the "these are the best years of your life" comments and say, "They tell us this, and then wonder why teenagers are suicidal?"  

[Murphy101]

My best friend in high school used to roll her eyes at the "these are the best years of your life" comments and say, "They tell us this, and then wonder why teenagers are suicidal?"

No joke. Same for similiar comments about college.

[DesertBlossom]

No joke. Same for similiar comments about college.

I remember in HS talking with SIL who is 10 years older than me. I was telling her about who was asking who to some dance and whatever drama that entailed and she said "some day you'll look back and realize this stuff isn't all that important ." I was so shocked. What? You mean the world didn't revolve around high school dances and teenage crushes?

 

I get it now. And laugh at my teenage self.

[TechWife]

I despise them and I also think public marriage proposals are in poor taste. Life is not a performance.

[TechWife]

I think it is all about social media. You can't instagram or FB a phone call. My neighbor is like this. I saw her walking with her kids yesterday and told DH "that walk will be on FB in less than 5 minutes". It was.

 

I wonder if we'll see the pendulum swing the other way at some point with large groups of young people refusing social media?

My college son and his group of friends don't use social media.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I think they are really dumb and I blame Pinterest for this phenomenon.  Attention young ladies:  real life is not like Pinterest.

Amen to that!  I hate Pinterest. (And, I hate HGTV for that matter.)  It just raises expectations to such an unreasonable level.  Un on unrelated note, my niece post pictures of gifts she makes for her son's daycare/school teachers.  They are so over the top.  There is one for almost every made up holiday on the planet.  While they are cute, I think they create a terribly unreasonable expectation.  What about parents who don't like to do all that?  Is a gift card to Starbucks or Panera just not good enough.  (stepping off my soap box.  My niece is really sweet, but it just seems like so much pressure.)

 

I am not a fan of the pressure and expense of the prom to begin with and wish schools had never started the practice. So promposals are definitely something I think are overdone.

 

Around here people act like the prom is the single greatest thing that will ever happen to their kid. Truly weird!

I never went to prom and I survived.  Heck, dh proposed at 2 am on New Years' Eve (day if you are going to be picky) in my parent's kitchen.  "So, you wanna get married?"  I kid you not!  Just imagine how disappointing that sounds to someone who has been raised on elaborate romantic gestures!  But, I was just thrilled that he wanted to make it official. 

 

Dd has friends who have done this, but fortunately, it has often only been the established couples who are just doing something extra fun. 

[bettyandbob]

Also, as a side note, my dh is forbidden to ever shop with us for a future wedding when the day comes. Me and dd16 shopping. Oh this is a nice dress and a decent price. Yay. Great dress for a decent price and she loves it! Dh goes with us yesterday when her dress came in to get it fitted (just hemmed) and select shoes and other accessories. Me and dd: It cost $60 to hem the dress?!?!!?!!? Dh rolling his misty eyes: Just do it. She's so happy with it. Just pay whatever. Me and dd: These shoes are amazing, but daaaang. $80 for shoes?! Dh: oh stop it. Looks at daughter adoringly, do you like them? They are perfect for that dress aren't they? Don't worry about the cost.

 

I refused to let husband tag along to go purse and jewelry shopping. He was left at home. Pouting.

 

And yet I mentioned maybe buying that miracurl thingie and he acted all shocked and horrified.🤣

 

my dh is the same. Anything for his little girl. Thankfully, she does not take advantage of him. 

[lmrich]

I would like to start a campaign to stop the madness. 

 

 

[Guest]

I remember in HS talking with SIL who is 10 years older than me. I was telling her about who was asking who to some dance and whatever drama that entailed and she said "some day you'll look back and realize this stuff isn't all that important ." I was so shocked. What? You mean the world didn't revolve around high school dances and teenage crushes?

 

I get it now. And laugh at my teenage self.

It all feels so big and endless at the time. I hope I remember that when dealing with my own teens. It's temporary hormone driven insanity.

[Murphy101]

I despise them and I also think public marriage proposals are in poor taste. Life is not a performance.

This. I'm so glad my kids are Ike dh and I wrt this attitude. They are excited for the fun of prom. But it's just a dance and hanging out with friends.

 

Dh and I were never high drama about high school or relationships. It's always been rather bizarre watching others when we were teens bc we just do not understand all the angst.

[GailV]

I first heard of promposals when we moved here 10 years ago.  I thought it sounded crazy.  Our realtor was explaining how some guy came over and scattered rose petals in her daughter's bathroom, and wrote the invite on the mirror.  We (realtor and I) discussed the weirdness of "where do you go from here"  -- how do you top that in later years for a marriage proposal?

 

OTOH, at this point the local kids call pretty much ANY permutation of asking someone to prom a "promposal".  This can include being casually asked by a friend who just thinks it might be fun to go together even though one or both of the kids involved are actually dating someone else (this happens in our church youth group quite a bit, particularly with the kids who have known each other for years and years).  A guy mentioned he had planned to ask dd to prom, and all of her friends exclaimed, "Wait!  Is this a PROMPOSAL?!?!!"  (Aaaand, in the end, several weeks later he asked if she still wanted to go, and she said something to the effect that if he had someone else he wanted to take that was ok -- they were just going as friends -- so he did.)

 

Dd said she read a book about promposals, but I can't find any such on Amazon right now.  But, boy howdy, I can find a boatload of instant promposal kits -- balloons!  Tshirts!  Bathbombs!  Coffee mugs!  Baseball bats!

[luuknam]

Dd said she read a book about promposals, but I can't find any such on Amazon right now.  But, boy howdy, I can find a boatload of instant promposal kits -- balloons!  Tshirts!  Bathbombs!  Coffee mugs!  Baseball bats!

 

 

For the extra coercive promposal?

[Anne in CA]

I should add that my own dd is going to prom with a girl this year. Not as lesbians, although that would be fine, they are just pretty and smart and intimidating and no one asked them so they are "taking" each other. Buying each other dinner and corsages! Two boys did ask DD but they would expect something and she doesn't want that. (Yay!)

[lmrich]

I am all for prom and just got back from the picture-party. My dd's friends from youth group organized it so that anyone who wanted to go to prom, could. 14 people came to the pictures - only 8 even attend the local high school. 

 

They are going to uber to the prom, go to the ferris wheel in downtown and then limo back and stop at Waffle House or the Varsity. Including dinner (at a cheap pasta place), the evening is costing about $75 per person (plus the ticket to prom); then they are coming back to my house around 2 am and hangout until 6:00 am. They all have to be at church at 6:15 because the youth choir sings at the sunrise service.  

[fairfarmhand]

I dislike them.

 

Warning: broad generalization ahead....

 

Teens are often treated like children in important ways, and then pressured to play adult in silly ways.

 

It's a bad trend.

I've said this word for word to my dh.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mims]

Have you all seen this great clip about millennial proposals?

 

 

[teachermom2834]

That video is hilarious. What it is missing is all the family of both the boyfriend and girlfriend coming out from hiding.

[luuknam]

Have you all seen this great clip about millennial proposals?

 

 

As opposed to the Gen X proposal, which is entirely forgettable (my Gen X wife doesn't even remember she proposed to me). If only I'd insisted she'd had a camera crew with her!

 

ETA: Wrt the video: at take 3 I probably would've thrown the ring off the cliff. By 43, I probably would've thrown the girl off the cliff. 

Edited April 16, 2017 by luuknam

[GailV]

 

Third, what happened to a group of friends just going out to Prom? 

 

That's pretty big here.  Maybe that's why our local definition of "promposal" is a little looser, and encompasses having someone say, "Hey, you wanna all go to prom together?"

[GoodGrief]

They've been fairly commonplace here for many years. A friend's son promposed to his date (who was not a girlfriend) by writing "Prom?" on his belly and lifting his shirt, which, while not elaborate or expensive, I thought was absolutely cringe-inducing :laugh:

[GailV]

For the extra coercive promposal?

 

I know, right?  Unless you're a total baseball dork, why would you choose that?  Although baseball is insanely popular around here, so I guess it could happen.

 

Here's the link:  https://www.amazon.com/ChalkTalkSPORTS-Baseball-Mini-Engraved-Strike/dp/B015NKZ23G/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1492302680&sr=8-16&keywords=promposal

 

which I see also takes us to a promposal relay baton ... because that's a thing more than one person in the world actually cares to purchase ...???

 

Edited to add that I'm starting to think I need to open an Etsy shop for bizarro promposal stuff.  

Edited April 16, 2017 by GailV

[HSmomof2]

It sounds dumb but I also think huge public marriage proposals are dumb as well.

Yep. ^^^^^

[ashfern]

I hate it but it's "expected" in our area. My son gave his date a box of chocolate eggs and said it would be Eggcellent if you went to prom with me. Cheesy! Problem with his group of friends is that most of them are friends and not paired off. 

[Garga]

I know, right? Unless you're a total baseball dork, why would you choose that? Although baseball is insanely popular around here, so I guess it could happen.

 

Here's the link: https://www.amazon.com/ChalkTalkSPORTS-Baseball-Mini-Engraved-Strike/dp/B015NKZ23G/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1492302680&sr=8-16&keywords=promposal

 

which I see also takes us to a promposal relay baton ... because that's a thing more than one person in the world actually cares to purchase ...???

 

Edited to add that I'm starting to think I need to open an Etsy shop for bizarro promposal stuff.

Ok--I was ambivalent about promposals until I saw that bat. That bat is horrible! Yuck! Soooo cheesy. I can't imagine someone buying that bat and giving it to someone. A box of candy with the word "prom?" is borderline, but ok. But buying that bat? No.

Edited April 16, 2017 by Garga

[Murphy101]

Oh my. As a teen, if anyone has promposed me, they would automatically rule themselves out as a date. I broke up with a boyfriend when he gave me a stuffed toy for V day...this is much worse. I am allergic to 'romantic gestures'.

 

Of course, I have one child who thinks promposals are sweet. I don't know how we're related.

I'm not allergic to romance, but when they make such a public spectacle out of it - it's no longer about romance imnsho. The girl and guy is right there. All the spectacle isn't about her and him. It's about trying to impress other people. And that's just not romantic to me. It's actually rather repulsive to me.

[Tap]

DD18s group has a lot of fun with it.  It isn't just the guys coming up with them, the girls do too.  It isn't always expected, but just a fun suprise when it does happen.  All of the kids who I know who planned public invites, really enjoyed the planning and execution.   Maybe it is just the personalities of who she hangs out with?  They are all cheer leaders/athletes so they are used to being in the public eye? Their invites weren't full of pressure...just fun.

 

DD has been the recipient of several public invites. 

 

One of the elaborate ones, involved a guy dressing up in a Chinese take-out costume. (he is Chinese she is not)  He put some serious effort into his invite, making a really nice professional looking poster, buying her gorgeous flowers, favorite cookies, enlisting her friends, etc. He has a really funny personality and the video of it was hilarious. It was definitely one of the high light promposals at her school last year. LOL You could tell he really spent a lot of time thinking about it. LOL

 

Some of her invites have been more public (half-time on the field at a varsity football game) and some were more private (written on a gum wrapper and slipped into her pack of gum). They were all special to her in their own way.

 

It definitely goes both ways...All of her girlfriends made large posters and some themed gifts or tie-ins with the invites for the TOLO (girl invite guy) dance.

 

Edited April 16, 2017 by Tap

[happypamama]

I hate it but it's "expected" in our area. My son gave his date a box of chocolate eggs and said it would be Eggcellent if you went to prom with me. Cheesy! Problem with his group of friends is that most of them are friends and not paired off.

Okay, that's cute! I don't think that's over the top at all.

[Anne in CA]

DD just told me (after I told her about this thread) about the promposal she saw on Friday. A guy put a cabaret table outside a girl's Biology class, covered it with twinkle lights that made hearts all around it, put a glass dome with a rose inside on top of the table and chocolate candies all over the table and held a sign that said, "Every Beauty needs a beast to take her to the Prom". She is not, most popular girl. She is a really nice girl who will always have the memory of the best promposal, in the whole school. The whole thing was really sweet. Unfortunately she was tackled by her friends when she wanted to go to the bathroom during biology because he had made her friends promise to keep her inside the classroom while he was setting all this up. But my dd was really happy for her and the girls of the school loved watching.

[Guest]

I have heard of it and I HATE it.  It makes it so impossible to manage.  Same with public marriage proposals.  

 

[Tap]

I have heard of it and I HATE it.  It makes it so impossible to manage.  Same with public marriage proposals.  

I am curious....what do you mean?  Why is it hard to manage?

[Tap]

I despise them and I also think public marriage proposals are in poor taste. Life is not a performance.

Not picking on you.....I promise.

 

But really, isn't life a preformance for most people.  Think about how much time people sit and watch performances.  TV, Netflix, Theater, Symphony, lectures, Sporting events....etc.  Even watching a person lead a meeting....is about performance.  The same information can be disseminated via written word.

 

Clothes, hair coloring, the right car, the right landscaping on the house.  Sure, people can say that they do it for themselves, but honestly.....most of it is for show.

 

 

Why would you hate that one person is having fun, planning a surprise for someone else?  I hate surprises for my self, but love it when it works out for other people who enjoy them

[Guest]

I am curious....what do you mean?  Why is it hard to manage?

 

OK, so here I am, dating a guy I like, and I think I know where we are headed...but I'm not sure. 

 

And now, here we are at Mile High Stadium and on the HugeCam, there I am on camera, with this guy in front of me with a ring.  What am I supposed to do?

 

or

 

This guy I've been dating has asked me out for a picnic, and there we are having a wonderful time, and he says, "OK, sit right here because Joey My Best Friend is in the bushes with a camera to record this moment and it will be on Facebook in an hour.  Will you marry/go to prom with me?"

 

I am just thankful I didn't have to deal with all of this public expression of personal arrangements.  

 

It is kind of funny because this just came up last night and my dh and I talked about it...for the first time ever.  Ha.

[Tap]

Oh, and this is absolutely fueled by moms like your friend.

Why would you think it has to do with the adults?

 

The teens are the ones coming up with the ideas (usally a silly pun) and putting the invite together.  The ones I have seem most of the boys do, are definitely hand my by the guys.  It isn't like the mom's are in there crafting it, and putting glitter glue on it. 

 

Even with my daughter's friends group, they were in my house making their posters and having a great time planning and executing the invites to the TOLO dance (girl ask guy). They spent 2 days after school laughing and joking, painting posters and hanging out.   There wasn't a single adult involved.  My daughter and her friend's invites were creative and unique for each guy.  Some were just posters...some came with a paired gift or tie-in, that the girls each paid for with their own money. 

[Tap]

OK, so here I am, dating a guy I like, and I think I know where we are headed...but I'm not sure. 

 

And now, here we are at Mile High Stadium and on the HugeCam, there I am on camera, with this guy in front of me with a ring.  What am I supposed to do?

 

or

 

This guy I've been dating has asked me out for a picnic, and there we are having a wonderful time, and he says, "OK, sit right here because Joey My Best Friend is in the bushes with a camera to record this moment and it will be on Facebook in an hour.  Will you marry/go to prom with me?"

 

I am just thankful I didn't have to deal with all of this public expression of personal arrangements.  

 

It is kind of funny because this just came up last night and my dh and I talked about it...for the first time ever.  Ha.

But the overwhelming majority of these are just a few teens coordinating getting the invitee to the destination the right time....not jumbo trons and someone in the bushes wiht cameras.  We are talking high school dances.  The teens go to school together, so the invites are inbetween classes or before/after school.  Most of the invites take just a couple of minutes to execute.

 

One of my daughters invites was at half-time at a football game.  He knew she would be there, she is a cheerleader LOL  It didn't require much coordination.... 

 

The other one I mentioned, required dd to go the the coffee shop by the highschool after school.....like she did every Tuesday to study for chemistry.  He moved his car to that parking lot, had a friend go inside and get her, and jumped out the truck of his car.  If she wasn't there that day.....he would have just waited until the next day.  LOL  

 

​Maybe because I am in this world and have been for 4 years, I see it differently. It is truely just teens having fun.  There really isn't as much stress as people seem to think. It is all pretty good natured from what I have seen.  It actually seems to extend the fun of what can be, a very expensive night LOL

Edited April 16, 2017 by Tap

[Guest]

Not picking on you.....I promise.

 

But really, isn't life a preformance for most people. Think about how much time people sit and watch performances. TV, Netflix, Theater, Symphony, lectures, Sporting events....etc. Even watching a person lead a meeting....is about performance. The same information can be disseminated via written word.

 

Clothes, hair coloring, the right car, the right landscaping on the house. Sure, people can say that they do it for themselves, but honestly.....most of it is for show.

 

 

Why would you hate that one person is having fun, planning a surprise for someone else? I hate surprises for my self, but love it when it works out for other people who enjoy them

This actually makes me sad, to think of life being mostly a performance.

 

And it's something I've thought about, having performance-orientation as a besetting problem in my extended family.

 

:0/

[TechWife]

Not picking on you.....I promise.

 

But really, isn't life a preformance for most people.  Think about how much time people sit and watch performances.  TV, Netflix, Theater, Symphony, lectures, Sporting events....etc.  Even watching a person lead a meeting....is about performance.  The same information can be disseminated via written word.

 

Clothes, hair coloring, the right car, the right landscaping on the house.  Sure, people can say that they do it for themselves, but honestly.....most of it is for show.

 

 

Why would you hate that one person is having fun, planning a surprise for someone else?  I hate surprises for my self, but love it when it works out for other people who enjoy them

 

Performances are:

staged (planned with a desired effect in mind)

done with the observer in mind

centered on the one performing

 

I don't think that doing things for show is something to be emulated and I do not do things for show. My clothes are chosen because they are comfortable, meet a need and are pleasing to me. My hair color is natural (greying brown) and it's style is practical. My car is functional and paid for. What I consider pleasant landscaping is enjoyable to me, I don't care what others think about my yard, it's art with plants and my yard is simple art right now. At other times in my life it has been more elaborate, but only because I wanted it that way. If I work to make something (a quilt, a party, my yard) beautiful, it is usually the process is enjoyable to me or I desire to bless someone with the results. 

 

I have nothing against a surprise and I never said I did. You are making an incorrect inference. 

 

ETA: The professions that are centered solely around performance, such as the arts and sports, are not the healthiest cultures. The stories of drugs in sports as well as anorexia and backbiting in dance are indicative of unhealthy environments.  I don't want to emulate such a culture in my private or public life, so why would I want my life to be a performance? 

Edited April 16, 2017 by TechWife

[Tap]

Performances are:

staged (planned with a desired effect in mind)

done with the observer in mind

centered on the one performing

 

I don't think that doing things for show is something to be emulated and I do not do things for show. My clothes are chosen because they are comfortable, meet a need and are pleasing to me. My hair color is natural (greying brown) and it's style is practical. My car is functional and paid for. What I consider pleasant landscaping is enjoyable to me, I don't care what others think about my yard, it's art with plants and my yard is simple art right now. At other times in my life it has been more elaborate, but only because I wanted it that way. If I work to make something (a quilt, a party, my yard) beautiful, it is usually the process is enjoyable to me or I desire to bless someone with the results. 

 

I have nothing against a surprise and I never said I did. You are making an incorrect inference. 

But the person doing the preformance....it is their real life! 

 

Real people, have real, paid jobs as actors, athletes, musicians....etc. 

 

Not saying that YOU have to enjoy coloring you hair, or buying specific clothes.  But there are a huge amount of real people,who do enjoy those things.  That is their real life!

Edited April 16, 2017 by Tap

[TechWife]

But the person doing the preformance....it is their real life! 

 

Real people, have real, paid jobs as actors, athletes, musicians....etc. 

 

Not saying that YOU have to enjoy coloring you hair, or buying specific clothes.  But there are a huge amount of real people,who do enjoy those things.  That is their real life!

 I don't think that having a culture centered on performance is a desirable thing. 

 

ETA: My response was to your comment that we all do things for show - I don't and I don't think that it a mindset that should be encouraged (that's what I mean by a culture centered on performance). There is a difference between being a performer (an actor, musician, sportsman) and living life as a performance. 

 

ETA (again): Doing things because you enjoy them is entirely different than doing things for show, which is what you were talking about in your post - that we all do things for show. No, no we do not. 

 

 

Edited April 16, 2017 by TechWife

[Tap]

I did add something, perhaps after you read my post.  I don't think that having a culture centered on performance is a desirable thing. 

Are there many, or any cultures that are not? From NA Pow Wows... to the Colosseum in Rome....to Shakespeare...to Friday night lights..  I think performance is a part of most cultures if not all.

[TechWife]

Are there many, or any cultures that are not? From NA Pow Wows... to the Colosseum in Rome....to Shakespeare...to Friday night lights..  I think performance is a part of most cultures if not all.

 

Please read my additions to this post - I'm sorry I'm not being thorough before I hit the reply button! I'll try to get better. 

[Tap]

Not really my thing. And I really, really can't see my high school boyfriend doing it. He barely tolerated the prom at all, although we had a good time at all of them (we went to four). A promposal is totally not his thing. When he proposed for real, there was no way it was going to be a surprise, but he picked a pretty, surprise location, just the two of us, and reservations for afterward at a nice restaurant. That's his style. And he has zero use for social media.

 

Promposals seem like an awful lot of pressure on the kids. Pressure on the one asking to make a big show. Pressure on the one being asked to say yes because it would embarrass the asker if the recipient said no. Teens don't need that. If they aren't already a couple, it seems like a big risk in case the person says no. If they are already a couple, then a big display seems a little silly, although I think the small gestures are sweet. Like the question in jello, or bringing a rose or something personal and sweet without being over the top.

 

ETA: I agree with the poster who says that it's a lot of pressure to be nice and not honest. I think it adds to the culture of "I spent all this money/effort on you so you owe me something." No, thanks.

Most of the time, the person getting asked already knows it it coming, just not what and when.  LOL  It is a boyfirend/girlfriend....or the friends of the inviter have vetted the invitee.  No one wants to ask, or be asked, and have it go to the negative side. Most of the time, the invitee has an idea it is coming and could side line it before it happens if they wanted to.

 

 

DD had this happen.  There was  a guy who was going to ask her to  homecoming, (she found out through friends). She made sure to get a message to him that she already had tentative plans with someone else.  It saved some stress and embarrassment on everyone's part.  That is pretty standard in her school and it was common when I was a teen too.

[Joker]

Thankfully they aren't a thing here. Ds is going to prom in two weeks and has a date but asked her privately. They will be going with a group of mutual friends.

 

Another nice thing they do here is that there aren't big after prom plans for that night. They all actually have plans for the day after to go to a big amusement park in the next state. 

[Guest]

My best friend in high school used to roll her eyes at the "these are the best years of your life" comments and say, "They tell us this, and then wonder why teenagers are suicidal?"

I really feel for young people. I wouldn't go back to this age for all the money in the world.

[Guest]

My son's crew just went in a big gaggle. Some had dates, others did not. Some had tuxes, others did not.

 

My brilliant son bought a flower for each girl who didn't have a date. They ALL posed with him at the Prom Picture. That's a keeper.