Promposals

[Miss Peregrine]

I just asked my 17 year old about them and she said, "stupid." Then she showed me an Instagram account devoted to "promposals. " Apparently there are several.

Edited April 16, 2017 by Miss Peregrine

[Guest]

My own prom invitation came at 2:00 while I was at work at Baskin Robbins in my hideous pink uniform.  A friend who was a roomie at the Air Force Academy stopped by on his way home for the weekend and was scandalized that I was not going to prom.  He asked me to prom.  

 

He had his dress uniform with him, and when my mom picked me up at 3:00, we went shopping, and I was ready by 5:00.  Dinner, the dance. 

 

Turns out, he had a crush on another girl, who was with another zoomie, so we traded dates and had a blast and that is my prom story.  I wore the dress to graduation events and the shoes for 5 years, so that was not a waste. 

 

Note:  It just occurred to me, at age 60, that he had his dress uniform with him for a reason; that his whole intention was to get to the other girl and trade dates.  I was USED.  Oh well.  I got a dress, a dinner, a good time, and a prom story out of it.  And my mother off my back.  When she had driven me to work that day, she had been all freaked out about why I was not going to prom.  But haha.  I did go.  It was hilarious when she picked me up:  "We have to go shopping--I'm going to prom."   :0)   (Mom's cool.  She just felt bad for me.)

[happi duck]

I think *sometimes* these are fueled by moms who are super invested in their kid having *the perfect* teenage experience and having something to document for themselves. "Look at my kid being popular!"

 

There will be kids who don't ask, and feel bad, because they can't think of something "good enough".

 

There will be disappointed boy or girl friends.

 

There will be people who long to feel special like all the others and they won't ever experience that.

 

Prom is already blown out of proportion, imo, so why make it even more of a chance to feel like a "loser"?

[Liz CA]

I'm thinking there must be some correlation between promposals and destination weddings.

 

Equally awkward and presupposing?

 

I am totally with Kinsa. It's a prom. No need to make a public spectacle out of it. And not to mention the pressure to accept or the horror when someone declines.

I feel the same way about marriage proposals made in a public place with 5000 of your closest friends sitting around the table. Uuggh!

[Valley Girl]

My son's crew just went in a big gaggle. Some had dates, others did not. Some had tuxes, others did not.

 

My brilliant son bought a flower for each girl who didn't have a date. They ALL posed with him at the Prom Picture. That's a keeper.

 

What a sweetheart he is! Those girls will always remember his thoughtfulness, I'm betting.

[lynn]

Dumb and sometimes expensive to ask a girl on a date.

[TeenagerMom]

My daughter's boyfriend Promposaled her......they were already planned on going together since her dress was on order but he wanted to do something cute for her (even though she didn't care either way). 

 

It was cute.

 

And private.

 

Not everything is about showing out for appearances.

 

This is a To Each Their Own Thing....

 

Right now oodles of kids are having 2nd Christmas from the Easter Bunny.  Mine got small baskets but I don't begrudge others who enjoy doing things different than me.

Edited April 16, 2017 by TeenagerMom

[Garga]

I'm not allergic to romance, but when they make such a public spectacle out of it - it's no longer about romance imnsho. The girl and guy is right there. All the spectacle isn't about her and him. It's about trying to impress other people. And that's just not romantic to me. It's actually rather repulsive to me.

 

I prefer the type of movie where the romance is private.  In Sleepless in Seattle, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan meet entirely alone at the top of the Empire State building when everyone else is already gone for the day.  They touch hands and that's it.  Movie over--their moment was intimate.  

 

In While you were Sleeping, Sandra Bullock is asked to be married at her job with the whole family gathered around.  I didn't like that ending as much.  

 

A friend of mine asked his wife to marry him when they were on a boat ride in a harbor.  Her family was there as were all the other people on the boat.  I just think that's so NOT fun.  She says yes, and instead of the two of them wandering off looking into each others eyes and being sappy, now their attention has to be split in a billion different ways and everyone wants to have a say in the moment.  Mom has to say, "We all knew but had to keep quiet about it!"  Sis comes over to admire the ring.  Brother makes a joke about something.  Dad gives bride-to-be a hug. To me, it sounds exhausting.  Maybe I'm selfish for wanting those moments to last with just the person and myself and no one else to comment on it 2 seconds after its happened.   Isn't that why sometimes after a wedding, the bride and groom run down the aisle and aren't seen again until they come into the reception?  Just a few minutes to be alone without an audience.

 

Maybe it's an introverted vs extroverted thing. 

 

ETA:  Or maybe it's an "established couple" or "just friends" thing vs a "new romance" thing.  If the promposal is for fun for an established couple or a group of friends, then I can see it being fun and goofy and the kids having a good time coming up with something clever---like the kids Tap was talking about.  That sounds fun and lighthearted.

 

But if it's a new romance and the couple aren't yet a couple, then I don't like it.  Too much pressure.  

 

 

I really feel for young people. I wouldn't go back to this age for all the money in the world.

 

Me neither!  It was awful for me. 

Edited April 16, 2017 by Garga

[SquirrellyMama]

I don't like the idea of public proposals. My dd told me about 2 of them where the kid being asked to prom only said yes because it was public. That is so dangerous.

 

I suppose private ones are fine. I just don't see why there needs to be a fuss. Ask, get an answer, and go. Balloons, flowers, posters, and whatever else seems unnecessary.

 

I probably would have enjoyed the attention as a teen.

 

Kelly

[FaithManor]

I think for a lot of women in particular, be it prom proposal or marriage proposal, it is not ideal for others to know first.

 

I had a colleague who turned down a marriage proposal because the boyfriend told a bunch of his friends first, and had them help him arrange this very public thing. She was quite hurt that he thought it was appropriate to share this huge news first with other people instead of with the actual person who had the decision to make. She said she wondered how often he would be inclined in the future to consult his buddies before big decisions before consulting her, on top of the added pressure of doing it in a big public way. She said it felt very manipulative.

 

I kind of agree with her. If the other person does not know you well enough to know if you would like that type of thing or not, said individual should not be popping the question.

Edited April 17, 2017 by FaithManor

[Seasider]

Equally awkward and presupposing?

 

 

I was thinking along the lines of

 

Wedding must be > proposal, which must be > promposal. It's an escalation game which is bound to lead to unrealistic expectations and unreasonable stretches for that perfect photo op.

 

As far as presupposing - this thread deals with it in terms of pro(m)posals, but yes, destination wedding presuppose that all the guests will be happy to lay out what I recently read is a $700 per person average cost to attend such an event (family of 5, that's a whole lot of vacation money and time). Anyway, it was a stray comment here, there have been lots of other threads on destination weddings.

[Murphy101]

Yes. Nothing simple seems to ever be good enough anymore.

 

Used to be you just told dh you were late and maybe you had a baby shower.

 

Now it seems like everything has to be turned into a public production. Gotta have a to do to tell dh. Gotta have a gender reveal. Gotta do pregnancy pictures. It's just..l idk. Why can't people just enjoy their simple lives anymore?

 

It's not just prom and weddings. It feels like it's everything these days.

 

And I'm a gal that takes a ridiculous amount of pictures. I would totally FB a walk with my kids. So what? My dh and several kids aren't around much anymore. It's the silly little mundane things that keep us connected. Back in the day of letter writing, I would have written about it and maybe sent a Polaroid picture. That is not performing. That's staying connected with immediate family. It's just my life in the moment.

 

I feel like a grumpy old lady. Get off my lawn with your promposal and gender reveal stuff! ðŸ˜

[Lizzie in Ma]

I think it is dumb.  I would have died of embarrassment.

[StaceyinLA]

I probably shouldn't respond at all because this is something that gets me riled up (and I haven't read all the replies, so I'm likely repeating someone). To me, this falls into the category of kids getting "championship" rings for sports in middle and high school. It's a "too much, too soon" mentality that really needs to stop. What in the heck do our kids have to look forward to as adults? It's bad enough we've gone from prom dresses to dresses as fancy and costly as wedding gowns; now this silliness. I've even seen girls getting professional photo shoots in their prom dresses like they would for their weddings - it's a bit over the top.

 

Sometimes I just can't deal with the all the excess that seems to take place these days.

[Murphy101]

Well I think kids have plenty to look forward to. But I still agree with you. Kindergarten and 8th grade graduations. Trophy for everything devalues real excellence. Making ever event a big deal reduces the value of what really should be a big deal. This just seems a continuation of that to me.

[Janie Grace]

I see both sides of this. I hate the grandstanding, the awareness of the social media aspect, the ratcheting up of "to-do" and cost.

 

However, I think it's neat that high school guys are have a reason to be thoughtful and creative (around here, the promposal usually has something to do with the girl -- her favorite sport, candy, etc.). I think that's good for them! And I don't see at as parental or school pressure at all. It's completely teen-initiative (in my world).

 

There is a boy my dd is friends with who is shy but decided to ask a very sweet, somewhat awkward girl to prom. He brought his little sister over to our house and my dd helped them bake and decorate a cake for the girl he wanted to ask. They showed up as her sports team bus returned to school -- dd took pix while he presented the cake (his little sister held the sign). It was adorable and completely made the girl's day to be asked in front of her whole team.

 

FWIW, it goes the other way too. The girls make a special effort when asking boys to Sadie Hawkins (and truth be told, they help the boys ask other girls to prom/Hoco a LOT!).

 

ETA: I don't like the gender reveal thing at all. It seems like forcing other people to be present for a normal (albeit exciting) part of life. Like if we hosted an "opening the college acceptance letters!" party or something. I feel like people want to hear your news but they really don't have to be present for the "reveal" (incidentally, I'm also irritated by the use of the word "reveal" as a noun... guess I'm a grouchy old lady too!).

Edited April 17, 2017 by Janie Grace

[HTRMom]

Don't like it. If you have a prom complete with fancy proposal, all day in salons, couture dresses, limousines, etc, what will be left to make your wedding special?

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Murphy101]

Salons and dresses and cars are not what made my wedding special. And I don't think I'm alone on that one.

Nope. Not alone. That went from one extreme to another in no time at all.

 

This is like saying one must never eat cake any time other than their birthday bc if they do how on earth will they manage to make their birthdays special? Fairly easily actually.

 

*never spent all day in a salon or owned a couture anything - not even my wedding. And limos are nasty. And I don't like cake either.😜

[Library Momma]

I don't understand equating a promposal with a marraige proposal.  Proms are just a fun party, even for dating couples.  Promposals can be cute and fun, but they are just about the dance.  Marriage proposals can be cute and fun too, but they are about romance and your relationship with that other person.  They are two completely different things

[Rebel Yell]

Salons and dresses and cars are not what made my wedding special. And I don't think I'm alone on that one.

For myself, if much rather spend a day at a salon, go dress shopping, and ride in a limo for Prom, because we're all equal that day... I don't like the feeling that my girls are all around me for a wedding that I'm the "star" of. For Prom we'd all be excited for something special, not just "my big day."

 

But spending all day in a salon isn't relaxing to me... it's what I used to do for a living. The magic just isn't there for me.

 

Same with restaurants.

 

SweetChild and her BFF got marked down sale dresses, and are doing each other's hair & makeup at my house. No limo for Sweet Child. The schools PTO charters nice tour busses, no charge for the kids. The school is about 20-25 miles out from the major city venue where Prom is held.

[luuknam]

Btw, when I first saw the word promposal I thought that this thread would be about kids proposing to marry their prom dates while at the prom. So, at least it's not that!

[dirty ethel rackham]

I feel like a grumpy old lady. Get off my lawn with your promposal and gender reveal stuff! ðŸ˜

:lol: :lol: :iagree:

[Pink and Green Mom]

 

I feel like a grumpy old lady. Get off my lawn with your promposal and gender reveal stuff! ðŸ˜

 

Sing it, sister.

[regentrude]

Count me in with those who say they are dumb. But then, the whole prom hype is completely overinflated and attaches importance to something that really shouldn't be such a big deal. It's only a school dance, for heaven's sake. 

 

I did not grow up in the US, so I don't get it (the same way I don't get graduation gowns.) It seems a particular American thing to make a huge deal out of school parties, finishing preschool, finishing high school, marriage proposals etc. Maybe I am just lacking the gene. 

Edited April 17, 2017 by regentrude

[Annie G]

 

 

They are going to uber to the prom, go to the ferris wheel in downtown and then limo back and stop at Waffle House or the Varsity.   

 

Some things never change...we went to the Varsity after prom in 1978. g

[Guest]

Promposals are definitely a "thing" in our area at other high schools.  However, they are not at my dds' small school, thank goodness.  In fact, most of the kids go to dances and even prom with their friends and without official dates.  As my dd is only a freshman, we were thinking that she wouldn't even go to her school's prom until junior or senior year, but she is going with a bunch of her girlfriends.  I'm very happy that this will be just a fun girls night for her (of course, there will be boys there, but no pressure to be with just one boy).

[regentrude]

 Heck, dh proposed at 2 am on New Years' Eve (day if you are going to be picky) in my parent's kitchen.  "So, you wanna get married?"  I kid you not!  Just imagine how disappointing that sounds to someone who has been raised on elaborate romantic gestures!  But, I was just thrilled that he wanted to make it official. 

 

Hey, New Years is special 2am is special.

We talked about getting married on some random afternoon sitting on my grandmother's sofa. I asked "Hey, I think maybe we should get married." And he "Yep, good idea."

That was 24 years ago. Worked just fine.

Edited April 17, 2017 by regentrude

[AnnE-girl]

Hey, New Years is special 2am is special.

We talked about getting married on some random afternoon sitting on my grandmother's sofa. I asked "Hey, I think maybe we should get married." And he "Yep, good idea."

That was 24 years ago. Worked just fine.

My DH's actual words were, "What the hell. Will you marry me?" He was planning to propose a few weeks later, but it was an absolutely perfect 70 degree March day and we were in a beautiful spot at the botanical garden and he just couldn't wait. It wasn't staged or exactly planned, but it was just right.

[HTRMom]

Lol. Ok, obviously I didn't state that very well. I didn't have any of that stuff at my own wedding, as it cost $2500 total, and it was very special. I just mean that prom is becoming wedding-like in appearance, and many people want to do even more fancy things for their wedding, which has a fancy inflation effect. Weddings get another degree fancier every 10 years or so. Prom fanciness is probably only a very small factor in that though.

 

You don't think that a man who remembers his adorable planned promposal would be likely to step it up a notch more for his wedding proposal? It seems silly not to consider the analogy. The word "promposal" is intended to make the analogy itself, and the types of proposals are taken from marriage proposal styles. It's teens wanting to have the fun of an elaborate fun or romantic marriage proposal.

 

I do think there's something to certain things being special. If you sing "happy Christmas to you," "happy Easter to you," "happy Friday to you," the whole thing becomes pointless. My MIL has this soup that can never be made any day but Christmas Eve. Easter Trees would detract from Christmas. If you had a 9th, 10th, and 11th grade graduation, it would make your high school graduation less special. If promposals become danceposals to every party you attend from 12 to 24 years old, the wedding proposal, while distinct and much more meaningful, would lose its magic.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mom2scouts]

Hey, New Years is special 2am is special.

We talked about getting married on some random afternoon sitting on my grandmother's sofa. I asked "Hey, I think maybe we should get married." And he "Yep, good idea."

That was 24 years ago. Worked just fine.

 

My not-quite-proposal is even less romantic than that. We were driving around in his run down Dodge Dart after dating only 7 months and he said, "So, when do you want to get married?" I said, "I don't know. Maybe we could do it over break." since I was still in college. We got married 2.5 months later and have been married 32 years.

[DesertBlossom]

Can I add elaborate first birthday parties to the list of things that are over the top? I mean, they are cute. Cake smash pics are adorable. But it's all for mom and dad because baby doesn't care.

[TeenagerMom]

Hmph..........My girl had professional shoots done for both her Military Ball and Prom.  She was gorgeous and actually agreed to it.  I'll always cherish these last few moments of her adolescence and our photographer friend had an awesome model to add to their portfolio. 

 

My Prom was 20 years ago.......we spent all day in salons getting our hair done and rented limos way back then.....that isn't something new.

 

 

[Lady Marmalade]

This popped up in my FB feed and I had to share it.  It's from one of our local DJ's on the radio.

 

http://wixx.com/blogs/katies-blog/122/dear-parents-of-the-class-of-2031/