Tips for preparing to become a full time homeschooling mom?

[purplejackmama]

{gently} Just curious what job you plan on getting that allows you to work from home that will cover all of your living expenses, especially since you mentioned that you haven't learned much since you were 14?

 

Yes please do tell me, too and forward me an application. :)

[Mergath]

Yes please do tell me, too and forward me an application. :)

I've been wracking my mind, and the only jobs that let someone who is self-educated make a corporate salary from home are computer coding and, er, entertaining lonely people with your webcam. ;)

[freesia]

I don't think anything has changed.  Many of us have seen *what could happen* happen.  My bestfriend married at 19 and had a baby right away. She was never going to divorce.  A few years later she separated from her dh and could only find a job doing daycare, which did not support her and her kids.  Death happens, disability happens, special needs kids happen, recession happens. 

 

You asked what you should do and those of us who are older see that being financial secure has been a boon.  I married in my early 30s.  It was great for our marriage that I had no school loans or any loans and $13, 000 saved and a retirement fund started.  We have weathered the Great Recession (where we lost $30,000 overnight when the Canadian dollar fell right before we transferred our money back to American), my dh being between jobs, etc, and it helped that we had no debt, were both frugal, and great at making and sticking to budgets.  I have seen lots of families who didn't have these advantages have to change what they had hoped would happen or exhaust the mother who works and homeschools.

 

Even so, I have cried over our lack of being able to afford extracurriculars in our HCOL area.

 

There is no way on earth I could work and homeschool my kids grades 2-11 right now.  No way. No how.  If I had to work, at least 2 of them would have to go to school.  Teaching such a range of grades takes all my mental bandwidth and a great deal of my time.

[regentrude]

. I expected that homeschoolers would primarily be stay at home moms. Am I incorrect in assuming that?

 

All  of the homeschooling mothers in my IRL circle have jobs. If they are primarily "home", it is because they work in their own business from home. But they all work.

[ebrindam]

For me having kids is more important than being wealthy, so I'm willing to make the sacrifices. But financial security (totally different thing to being wealthy) is important to me so I'm glad forum members here have brought it up. It clearly needs to be a priority for us and I will be sure to work on a plan regarding this.

 

 

 

Yes, I have exceeded my fiancé's income before (to his dismay). To do so consistently is the untested part. But if he was disabled he could stay at home and look after the kids and I could go and do another job that I do have training in and have achieved a full time income for previously. (Come to think of it, I could do this second job on weekends.)

 

Don't worry, I'm not expecting this to be a walk in the park. I do think, however, that with the right planning and preparation that it's doable.

 

For every horror story there's a success story. All of my female grandparents and great grandparents (and probably theirs before them) were stay at home moms without college degrees and it worked out fine. What's changed that this position in life has become so precarious?

 

It's a shame that being a full time mother is now considered to be such a risky endeavor. I expected that homeschoolers would primarily be stay at home moms. Am I incorrect in assuming that?

 

It is never a good idea to be completely dependent on another human being - even your husband. What if he leaves you? What if you want to leave him? What if he cheats on you? Why doesn't he want you to work outside the home? S 

[LucyStoner]

But if he was disabled he could stay at home and look after the kids and I could go and do another job that I do have training in and have achieved a full time income for previously. (Come to think of it, I could do this second job on weekends.)

 

For every horror story there's a success story. All of my female grandparents and great grandparents (and probably theirs before them) were stay at home moms without college degrees and it worked out fine. What's changed that this position in life has become so precarious?

 

It's a shame that being a full time mother is now considered to be such a risky endeavor. I expected that homeschoolers would primarily be stay at home moms. Am I incorrect in assuming that?

A few things, in the same order you address them above:

 

1. If your spouse becomes disabled he could require FT care that precludes him from being a primary caregiver. Disability is actually far more common than death and hardest thing to prepare for.

 

2. Earnings potential tends to increase as you gain experience and decrease sharply after any sustained period of absense from the field. This holds true for small business owners and self employed people. I left a FT management job 5 years ago. If I had stayed, I would probably be able to get about 80-100% more doing the same work for someone else. But if I had to return to the workforce FT in that same sort of job now, I would probably get about the same as before +/- 15%. Because I have been mostly out of the game for 5 years. I have chosen to add additional training and get my CPA license instead (and please shoot me if I ever go back to my old profesion FT) but in a crisis I couldn't just magic up the education I am getting now.

 

3. What has changed? Well, it's a multifaceted thing but there's a few factors:

 

-A lot more women worked than we imagine in our grandmother's day. Poor women and black women who were married with kids were more likely to work than not. What we remember is not 100% factual.

 

-The cost of living is dramatically higher. Read the Two Income Trap for more details.

 

-the sorts of jobs available now often require degrees where previously they did not.

 

-college graduates and skilled trades workers make more and have lower unemployment rates than those with just a high school diploma and a this is even more pronounced with high school drop-outs. College graduates also have lower rates of divorce than those without an education.

 

4. Yes, most of us are full time stay at home caregivers or married to a full time caregiver but since we've lived it, we know the bumps in the road are more common than not. I never figured on not working. We live in an area where a modest detached single family home in need of work can cost north of $500k. We were making family a priority by each working "just" full time and we offshifted our schedules to avoid childcare costs. We only started with me staying home because of the bumps in the road- my sons have special needs that made homeschooling necessary for quite sometime.

 

No one here thinks that it's impossible or unworthy to be a SAHP. But a large dose of realism and pragmatism helps smooth those bumps and make the storms easier to weather.

Edited January 24, 2017 by LucyStoner

[elegantlion]

 

 

 

Don't leap over all of it in order to imagine yourself as a homeschool mom with a passenger van full of kids...that's what you want now, but you really have no idea what life will actually bring...be fully present in each moment, and bring the best of yourself to each stage of life.

 

I love this part especially. It is so important to live in the present moment, not building up the future so much that you forget to enjoy what you have right now. It is prudent to plan, but... (see below)

 

 

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

I'm nearly 50 and I could list out several major things in my life that I didn't expect and were not just the result of my choices. If I were speaking to a young adult female, I would also agree about keeping finances in your name separately. I would support higher education at the very least an AA/AS in some field. There was a survey here several years ago and the majority of women on this board have some sort of college education. At the time I was in the minority with only a high school education. I'm now a college senior because I had to adjust to one of those life changing situations of which I had no choice in making.

 

Why?  Because as a wife and mother I think it is important that you maintain some of your own autonomy. You can still be an loving and caring wife while having your own bank account. You can still be a loving and caring mother while pursuing your own education. It's not about believing the worst could happen, it's about prudent life care for yourself and your marriage. 

 

I wish you well and I hope that your life plans come to fruition without challenges, yet we all need to adjust our sails from time to time. You have time. Start for now, in the present moment, and enjoy your current season. 

[saffron]

I've seen women who were quite affluent be unable to get a car loan or a credit card after their spouses died or their marriage ended suddenly. Even if they had the means they did not have the credit history. I've seen someone who never had their own financial identity not to be able to open a utility account without a deposit at the age of 45.

 

I'm only 36 and I would definitely consider my marriage solid. But I just know too many cases where divorce comes suddenly and without warning after 20-30 years of marriage.

 

I actually don't follow all of my own advice...I have my own IRA and credit in my name but we are consigners on all of our bank accounts. I think accountants are a bit notorious for not following all of our own advice, lol.

 

The other thing is, say everything is fine, both spouses live long lives and there is no divorce is that IRAs are owned by one person. So it is still beneficial to each have a retirement account. And there are tax benefits that max out on a per person basis. You can contribute $5500 to each spouse's IRA. You can't get the max benefit unless you each have an account. And saving early is the best way to be financially secure at retirement. The years that I have not earned much, we still put 1/2 of every dollar we put in retirement into my account and not just his.

 

Thanks for the tip Katie.

[Wheres Toto]

$35K doesn't sound like much to support a family with "many" children - or even one - around here.  I hear corporate salary and think more in line with 6 figures plus hefty benefits, but that may be a reflection of living in a HCOL.  I have been wracking my brain to think of a WAH career opportunity that is part-time and pays that well, plus provides benefits and makes it possible for a spouse's income to essentially be the extra pay that goes into savings.  I'm drawing a blank.

 

It's not much around here either.  I'm in a very HCOL area.  I know people who do it, but it's  certainly not easy.  I got by with one kid as a single mom making about 1/2 of six figures, with good benefits.

 

I was thinking entry level position that doesn't need a specific degree or experience.   She hasn't really defined what she means by corporate salary, but I'm assuming they are young so don't have years of experience.  I don't think she mentioned her fiance having a degree, but I could have missed it.

[saffron]

It is never a good idea to be completely dependent on another human being - even your husband. What if he leaves you? What if you want to leave him? What if he cheats on you? Why doesn't he want you to work outside the home? S 

 

Don't worry. It's not that he doesn't want me to work outside the home. It's because I want to home school that I'm planning to be a SAHM. He doesn't mind either way.

 

I could give you all of the reasons that I'm sure we won't break up, but they wouldn't mean much because you've heard them all before from couples who later divorced.

 

Yes, I recognize that there are risks involved. All we can do is to try to mitigate the risks (which we will do, especially after hearing all of these scare stories!).

 

I don't want to put off having children for any longer than I already have so I don't have time to go get a 5 year degree nor to establish a conventional career.

 

He has an established career, he's very hardworking, loyal, intelligent, has traditional values, and he's not a promiscuous person, nor is he abusive in any way.

[prairiewindmomma]

Thanks Katie. Why is that? What situations would it be useful in?

 

If all of the credit lines are in your husband's name only, and he were to die (think: car accident on the way to work), those credit lines end upon his death.  Life insurance can take several weeks to pay out (6-12 weeks, typically), and you may need those credit lines to pay for any number of things in the meantime.

 

This is one of any myriad of situations.

 

Being able to rent a hotel room in your own name = important. (Recently, I had to travel to take my child to an out-of-town medical specialist. Dh stayed behind to work.)

 

Being able to maximize your IRA benefits for your household by each of you having your own IRA = important.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Saffron, were you homeschooled?

[saffron]

Saffron, were you homeschooled?

 

No.

[Jacbeaumont]

Listening to the Scholé Sisters podcast is really inspiring for self education. I spent years from the time baby #1 was in utuero researching homeschooling methods and philosophies, but wish I had found resources such as this (and things like The Well-Educated Mind: The guide to the classical education your never had.) to develop my own mind because now I don't have the time. :)

 

Sent from my U9200 using Tapatalk

[Lang Syne Boardie]

No.

 

I asked because I wondered why you hadn't considered some of these things we're saying, if some other posters' assumptions were true and you'd been a hs'ed child...I guess I agree with ArcticMama that you're getting a privileged view into the mindset of the women who have actually done what you're wanting to do!

 

I wouldn't say we regret it -- many of us became hs'ers because our children had unique learning needs, so we're thankful we've had the option to homeschool. But we have been through an awful lot, and we do have things we would have told our younger selves, twenty or more years ago.

[Spryte]

No.

 

Oh, that's a surprise!  I thought you had been, for some reason.

 

It's cool that you want to homeschool.  What's driving your interest in it?  What makes you want to do it?  I'm always interested in hearing why people want to homeschool.  :)  

[LucyStoner]

One of the things that most informed my views about financial matters and being outfitted for a career is that when I was about 27 began attending professional certificate programs in my field. Graduate school wasn't feasible at the time and it was a good way for me to advance my career connections and beef up my resume. These were at the university and designed for "working professionals." I was able to complete them while working FT, pregnant for 8 months and then postpartum for about 6 months before I finished. The programs each enrolled about 75 students.

 

These classes were filled with about 50% people like me- working professionals between the ages of 23 and 40. There were 2-3 well off older men in each program who were semi-retired who were doing it to enrich their service as board members or do something part time for kicks. The rest of each class was filled with middle age women who used be SAHMs and they need jobs and needed them quick While not all were divorced or widowed, most were. I knew the divorce stats before then but this put a finer point on it for me. Most of the divorced ones said they had no idea it was coming and their 50ish year old husbands had left them, usually for a younger woman. I don't live my life like I expect that to happen but what helps if it does happen is the exact same stuff that helps in many possible situations, even if that is funneling all of my post kids earnings into paying for college, shoring up retirement and buying a vacation home. I like having options no matter what happens.

Edited January 24, 2017 by LucyStoner

[abba12]

OP, you remind me a lot of myself 5 years ago. Seriously. I began lurking on these forums when I got engaged lol. 

 

I got most of the same advice you're getting here. If I'm honest? I ignored all of it! Some I should have listened to, and have taken seriously later on as needed. Other bits I still think are biased. People are all about taking risks and 'you only live once' when it comes to travel or jobs, but suggest that you're going to settle down into marriage and being at home without a college degree (which many people don't have) and horror ensues. 

 

If you see my post in the spin off thread, I pretty much got my dream, lots of kids, homeschooling, DH at home and highly involved, living life and enjoying experiences rather than keeping up with the Jones's and climbing the career ladder. I am homeschooling, working from home, studying for leisure and still putting the from scratch meal on the table each night. The dream is possible! If you want to talk more about what that looks like and how I make that stuff work, PM me. I've found talking about the successes tends to upset and offend people who try to make comparison unreasonably and think I am somehow judging them, so I don't tend to talk about what works for me publicly anymore. 

 

But be prepared for the roadblocks, and they will come. Don't expect it to happen without hiccups. I had hyperemesis with each pregnancy, two ectopic pregnancies and hence a large gap between youngest and our much prayed for next baby. DH is home a lot but it's due to chronic illness, not a nice financially sound plan. We do live in a low income but we do so happily, we have everything we need, we don't want the latest iphone or store bought clothes. We live lots of experiences without lots of money, and enjoy being present in the moment in life. In fact I think low income makes that easier. But, some weeks we do struggle since both of our incomes are variable. We live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes we struggle to buy groceries or need to wait a month or two to buy 'essential' items. 

 

So the learned from tips?

 

- Stay out of debt. Your marriage will be better for it. The stress relief that being debt free brings is amazing. We've had periods of both, right now we're in a little debt due to unforeseen circumstances, and the difference is massive. 

 

- Stay flexible, you don't know what's around the corner, and life has a way of throwing curveballs. But often, those curveballs will actually get you exactly where you wanted to be or should have been but didn't know it. Without the illness, DH probably never would have come home. And the experience of my two ectopic pregnancies has changed me and my family in ways I am beginning to see the positives of. 

 

- Live for now, not the future. I spent a lot of time reading and dreaming of one day and feeling like I was in this period of waiting. That period of waiting was torture, like I wasn't really living yet, I was just waiting to arrive and waiting to begin. Some of that is normal, you're probably feeling it while preparing for your wedding. But once you're married, it's unhealthy and damaging to just be in a state of waiting and dreaming for your first baby or waiting and dreaming of homeschooling, believe me. You need to live the life you have this month, and when that comes you'll get to live that too, but, don't become so focused on the future that you have no desires or goals for right now. In the future you'll be unable to take hobby classes, but that doesn't mean you can't right now. In the future you'll do x and y, but, those things can wait until then, right now you might do z and that's totally ok. Don't waste years dreaming and preparing for the future, live the life you have right now as well, go out and enjoy it.

 

- Find things you love, hobbies, studies, activities, whatever, but find things you love and enjoy and do them. You never know what they might turn into. For me they turned into business ideas, and skills that helped my family in the most unexpected of ways. Don't lose yourself in your future children. 

 

- Let yourself dream and ignore the naysayers a bit. The advice here on this board has been pretty balanced mostly. But in life it likely isn't. Live your life, don't worry too much what they think of you. What you're choosing to do is fairly counter cultural these days, it scares and angers people. Don't internalise that. 

 

- Did I mention live for now?  :lol: Really, please don't lose the next few years to planning and dreaming, you'll regret it. Planning is great, dreaming is great, but, just because you will or wont do something in 5 years doesn't mean you should or shouldn't do it now. Go live your current life, don't get so stuck in the future you forget the present. I am a planner, I fell into this trap and I really regret it. Instead of going out and doing something while youngest was a baby, I kept thinking 'well I can't do that with 3 kids or 5 kids so I shouldn't do it with just one kid because the others will miss out'. Don't worry, the others will get their own unique experiences. I never pursued hobbies when I was childless because I knew I couldn't continue them with kids, and because I was so busy planning what education the kids would get and how I would raise them that studying and planning took all my time. Those plans are out the window and I sorely regret the lost time. 

[elegantlion]

 

 

Yes, I recognize that there are risks involved. All we can do is to try to mitigate the risks (which we will do, especially after hearing all of these scare stories!).

 

 

 

There really not "scare stories," they are the reality for many women who began adulthood thinking that they could "mitigate the risks"  that life threw at them anyway. Even when you have a great marriage, but we still buy life insurance, car insurance, renters or homeowners insurance. We don't do those in hopes that bad things will happen, we hope they don't. We have insurance to protect us from damage to, as you said, "mitigate those risks."  Especially for someone who plans a career in parenting, you do need to consider what "insurances" you need. Working toward financial stability is one and part of that is understanding credit and how education (whether formal degree or job training) can be that insurance for you as a SAHP. 

 

I don't say this to be harping on you, really I don't. Planning for the future is thinking about the fun parts, like homeschooling kids, AND considering what options would exist should all of those fun parts not come to pass. 

[saffron]

I think what is seen as risky is that you appear to be anticipating taking on ALL the roles...wife, mother (to many children), teacher, breadwinner.    That's a lot more work than you might think. For instance, being frugal by cooking meals from scratch becomes more difficult if you have a full time job, are homeschooling several children, and are keeping up with other wife/mother tasks.   

 

The boardies are super supportive but are trying to help you be realistic about your goals to help you avoid burnout, disappointment, or worse. 

 

I don't need to be the breadwinner. I suggested that in response to someone who was worried about what we would do if my husband was unable to work. We'd definitely be able to put more money aside for emergencies if I was working part time from home too though.

 

Worst case scenario I'd somehow become a single mom and have to send the kids to school and work weekdays, but surely every family faces that possibility? It's just a risk you have to take. 

[saffron]

Oh, that's a surprise!  I thought you had been, for some reason.

 

It's cool that you want to homeschool.  What's driving your interest in it?  What makes you want to do it?  I'm always interested in hearing why people want to homeschool.   :)

 

Well, honestly I just think the state education system is inadequate. I also think it's healthier for children to have more guidance from their parents than the typical 2 parent working family sending their kids to school can realistically give. In short, I think it's in the best interests of the kids to be homeschooled if they have a proficient enough parent to do it.

 

Having said that, if one of my kids does decide that he or she would like to go to school I'll support them in that.

[Guest]

I'm done homeschooling and have been for awhile. We did a mix of private school and homeschool, always focused on classical homeschooling. We hit some VERY large bumps in the road in schooling that having had a consistent focus on classical let us surmount and have my son do ok. But thugs did not at all turn out the way we hoped, planned for, expected..and we had financial resources which also helped a lot.

 

These are things I would have done differently.

 

I would have taught MY child, not a theoretical child. I would have been kinder. I would not have yelled at him. I would have turned off the computer all day. I would have paid more attention to character issues earlier on anc been less frantic about school performance..until junior high. And then I would have spent a couple of years ramping up expectations and preparing him for school school. And I would have sent THIS KID to school in 8th grade. He agrees. I would have listened more and better and talked a lot less. And I realize that every bad decision I made was based in fear. I wish we could have travellled more br a health crisis got in the way. So oh well.

 

I do not regret one thing about the following: long play dates. Skiing once a week in the winter. Summer swim team. Golf and tennis lessons and playing. Field trips--even across a the country. Sticking with a classical education. Going to church together. Reading aloud to him three or more hours a day all his life until he went to school. Playing music. Going to concerts of all kinds. Nature study. Insisting on doing good work. All his work was good because we didn't move on until it was.

 

Things I'm glad I didn't do: teach to the test. Engage in computer-based learning. Go faster (he's a whip-smart person)--we went deep instead. Keep him in school when it was clear he was a miserable first grader. Sign him up for 59 activities and make our lives go go go. Insist on his constantly having to be doing something meaningful or purposeful. Make him keep after something he hated once he got good enough to make that call.

 

One thing I also wish I had done was to use my house for OUR lives, not just in a conventional way. I wish I'd used the dining room as a friendly school room. We had a big enough kitchen area for ourselves and for the Thanksgiving Feast. And now I've got a really nice dining table that we really don't have room for in our smaller house.

 

Lastly, I wish I had made time to stay current in my profession. I don't need to go back to work...but at this point, I really can't, not in a place where I could command the money to make it worth it if I DID want to. And I could have done that.

 

Maybe my screed here will let you see a little view from the other end of the trip. :o)

 

Things didn't go at all as we expected, at every turn. And still, here we are!

[reign]

Read good books, make money, travel with husband, pay off debt if you have any. That's what I'd do.

[SebastianCat]

I have been out of the workforce for 15 years now.   I worked for 6 years before and for 3 years after DH & I were married, then became a SAHM when our 1st was born.   I have absolutely NO regrets about being a SAHM, but right now I am 5 years away from graduating my youngest from high school, and will need to pursue additional education or training in order to enter the workforce again (which is my plan once we are finished homeschooling).

 

I would honestly take some time to work and save BEFORE you have children, and assume that you will not be contributing to your family's income after children arrive.   Practice living on your DH's income alone, and save any income you make for a nest egg, because you will need it eventually.    Get out of debt, and acquire no additional debt, except possibly a mortgage.

 

Both of DH's parents have passed away within the past year and a half.   MIL passed away after a very sudden exacerbation of a long-term illness, and we didn't realize that some of their bank accounts and credit cards were in her name only.   Since FIL had dementia, it probably seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but it was VERY difficult to get access to their money to continue paying for FIL's care after MIL passed away.   Then we got things straightened out, and 10 months later FIL passed away.   It's been over 6 months since FIL passed away, and his assets still haven't been distributed to his heirs.    For that reason, please have several months' worth of liquid assets in an account somewhere in YOUR name, so you'll be able to pay for groceries and pay your bills if your DH passed away suddenly.   So many times I heard the same advice to women to "have accounts in your name in case you get divorced or your husband leaves you," but the more likely scenario in many cases is that your DH dies or becomes disabled, and you have no access to accounts in his name only.

 

In the same breath, travel with your DH before kids arrive (...and especially before you become pregnant.   We took one trip when I was about 6-8 weeks pregnant with my 1st, and I was totally miserable the entire time.)   You won't have the same opportunity for many, many years.

 

And I'll echo the advice of others to just live for now.   Enjoy just being married and getting to know your DH rather than obsessing about having a baby.   Once you have children, parent the children you have, not the children your friends have or the way you've read in books.   Don't worry about homeschooling until your first child is at least 4 or 5 - just enjoy letting them learn and grow at their own pace.   If you do have lots of children and are able to homeschool for many years like you dream you will, the curricula and technology available (...and possibly the laws regulating homeschooling) will be completely different than they are today.   So don't waste time today worrying about how to homeschool children who aren't born yet, to a marriage that hasn't even been established yet.   You'll miss out on too much of today.

[Guest]

Don't worry. It's not that he doesn't want me to work outside the home. It's because I want to home school that I'm planning to be a SAHM. He doesn't mind either way.

 

I could give you all of the reasons that I'm sure we won't break up, but they wouldn't mean much because you've heard them all before from couples who later divorced.

 

Yes, I recognize that there are risks involved. All we can do is to try to mitigate the risks (which we will do, especially after hearing all of these scare stories!).

 

I don't want to put off having children for any longer than I already have so I don't have time to go get a 5 year degree nor to establish a conventional career.

 

He has an established career, he's very hardworking, loyal, intelligent, has traditional values, and he's not a promiscuous person, nor is he abusive in any way.

All good to know, but seriously, listen to the very street-wise, much more experienced ladies here: life throws you curveballs you never imagined. It doesn't matter who you are or how good you and your fiancé are, or how much and how correctly you pray and how well organized you are. Life hits you: BAM! With things you never imagined. Infertility. Death of a child. Collapse of a business or the economic field that was previously just dandy. Children have special needs. You get a diagnosis - "What? How? I take extremely good care of my health!" Your parents fall ill. Your sibling dies. Someone you love like your next breath becomes mentally ill. You are in a serious accident. Or your mate is.

 

You sound young and as though you have enjoyed a lot of insulation against all those bad things but believe me when I tell you, bad things happen. I thought I was going to have a big family, six or seven kids. I love that number, seven. I could even peal off seven sets of perfect names for my imaginary children, be they boys or girls, because surely that would be my life, blessed as I was, right?

 

I'm 45 now and, not only did my seven kids not come to full fruition, but I'm relieved it didn't. Now I am glad my youngest is 12 and the finish line for this chapter is in the not-too-distant future. Because a lot of those bad things I listed did smack me upside the head, and those things have a way of seriously intruding on the Big Happy Homeschool Family fantasy I once imagined having well in hand.

[Xahm]

You've gotten lots of great advice and it sounds like you are taking it well. 

I'm a "big picture" person, and it seems you are as well. One exercise I enjoyed was making a giant chart of our goals for our children in a variety of fields (math, reading, foreign language, cooking, sewing, home maintenance, etc.) We then worked backwards to make goals for them at different ages to reach them. For example, we would like our kids to be fluent in a second language and familiar with a third. Working backwards we decided that in their preschool years we should expose them to a variety of languages so they will understand that there are different languages and value them as well as expose them to French in a more in depth way, singing songs, playing games, watching videos, etc. To reach our goals for home maintenance we allow and encourage them to use many different tools as it is safe to do so, we have them watch us while we work, and we talk through what we are doing.  The value in this isn't that we are going to reach those goals (we fully expect that most of them are going to change drastically in the coming years as our children's strengths and weaknesses become apparent and our priorities shift with time) but that it allowed me and my husband to talk through our values regarding our children in a specific way and it helped us see what we could do with young children to help them become the youths and eventually the adults we want them to become. If you become very attached to plans, don't do this! But if you think it would be an interesting exercise that you are willing to throw by the wayside when it becomes necessary, I recommend it.

[slackermom]

Maybe this should go in the spin-off thread, but I came back to add that dh and I were married 11 years before I got pregnant, and now my dd is 12, and still an only child. Not what we planned or expected at all. We were planning on 3, maybe 4. Health issues got in the way. And a bunch of other stuff, too.

I am blessed to have my dd and dh. :001_wub:

I do hope your plans work out.

[sewingmama]

I agree with Tibbie...don't put things off thinking you will have a baby soon. I had the same plan as you and it took me 5 years to get pregnant and then I only ended up with 3 in the end ( although I'm grateful...3 is better then none.

 

Make yourself some plans like going to school or working. Dont just sit at home waiting for babies to come...they might not...or may take a long time.

 

Start planning for babies and homeschoolong after you actually get pregnant... until then do what ever you like 😆

[Laura Corin]

I agree with others - make sure that your plans are flexible and that all adults are able to support themselves.  I have been happily married for 25 years.  It took us eight years to conceive our first child.  During those 25 years, Husband has been laid off three times and I am now working full time as the family's main breadwinner.  I have a credit history of my own.

[saffron]

You've gotten lots of great advice and it sounds like you are taking it well. 

I'm a "big picture" person, and it seems you are as well. One exercise I enjoyed was making a giant chart of our goals for our children in a variety of fields (math, reading, foreign language, cooking, sewing, home maintenance, etc.) We then worked backwards to make goals for them at different ages to reach them. For example, we would like our kids to be fluent in a second language and familiar with a third. Working backwards we decided that in their preschool years we should expose them to a variety of languages so they will understand that there are different languages and value them as well as expose them to French in a more in depth way, singing songs, playing games, watching videos, etc. To reach our goals for home maintenance we allow and encourage them to use many different tools as it is safe to do so, we have them watch us while we work, and we talk through what we are doing.  The value in this isn't that we are going to reach those goals (we fully expect that most of them are going to change drastically in the coming years as our children's strengths and weaknesses become apparent and our priorities shift with time) but that it allowed me and my husband to talk through our values regarding our children in a specific way and it helped us see what we could do with young children to help them become the youths and eventually the adults we want them to become. If you become very attached to plans, don't do this! But if you think it would be an interesting exercise that you are willing to throw by the wayside when it becomes necessary, I recommend it.

 

Yes, I'm the same way. I love planning, and even if things change that's okay, it's just time to start planning something else. Planning also helps me spot potential roadblocks and pitfalls and then find ways to avert them.

 

It's like going on a road trip, you make a plan of where you want to end up and what you want to see along the way. Maybe along the way your car breaks down, but that's not a good reason to avoid planning your trip!

 

I appreciate what people are saying about sometimes babies take longer than expected, so I think it is good advice to focus on preparing financially because even if babies don't come for a decade or ever it's good to be financially prepared. However, I have been reading about this, and most people do get pregnant in the first year. We are both young enough, and healthy that I don't think it's likely we will encounter any problems with this (purely from a statistical standpoint). But yes, it's a possibility.

[eternalsummer]

I'm dying to know what kind of WAH job an undereducated mom can do that will exceed her corporate husband's income. I'm

Sorry if I seem jaded. I've just seen this end in disaster too many times.

 

I run a small business (with DH, but if he wanted or needed to do something else I could run it alone with more employees) from home that exceeds a corporate income.  We have 6 kids age 11 and under and homeschool (though I'd prefer not to, if I could find a school that worked for them).  

 

It didn't spring up overnight, though.

[saffron]

I'm done homeschooling and have been for awhile. We did a mix of private school and homeschool, always focused on classical homeschooling. We hit some VERY large bumps in the road in schooling that having had a consistent focus on classical let us surmount and have my son do ok. But thugs did not at all turn out the way we hoped, planned for, expected..and we had financial resources which also helped a lot.

 

These are things I would have done differently.

 

I would have taught MY child, not a theoretical child. I would have been kinder. I would not have yelled at him. I would have turned off the computer all day. I would have paid more attention to character issues earlier on anc been less frantic about school performance..until junior high. And then I would have spent a couple of years ramping up expectations and preparing him for school school. And I would have sent THIS KID to school in 8th grade. He agrees. I would have listened more and better and talked a lot less. And I realize that every bad decision I made was based in fear. I wish we could have travellled more br a health crisis got in the way. So oh well.

 

I do not regret one thing about the following: long play dates. Skiing once a week in the winter. Summer swim team. Golf and tennis lessons and playing. Field trips--even across a the country. Sticking with a classical education. Going to church together. Reading aloud to him three or more hours a day all his life until he went to school. Playing music. Going to concerts of all kinds. Nature study. Insisting on doing good work. All his work was good because we didn't move on until it was.

 

Things I'm glad I didn't do: teach to the test. Engage in computer-based learning. Go faster (he's a whip-smart person)--we went deep instead. Keep him in school when it was clear he was a miserable first grader. Sign him up for 59 activities and make our lives go go go. Insist on his constantly having to be doing something meaningful or purposeful. Make him keep after something he hated once he got good enough to make that call.

 

One thing I also wish I had done was to use my house for OUR lives, not just in a conventional way. I wish I'd used the dining room as a friendly school room. We had a big enough kitchen area for ourselves and for the Thanksgiving Feast. And now I've got a really nice dining table that we really don't have room for in our smaller house.

 

Lastly, I wish I had made time to stay current in my profession. I don't need to go back to work...but at this point, I really can't, not in a place where I could command the money to make it worth it if I DID want to. And I could have done that.

 

Maybe my screed here will let you see a little view from the other end of the trip. :o)

 

Things didn't go at all as we expected, at every turn. And still, here we are!

 

That is really helpful. Thank you Patty.

[luuknam]

If you're looking at buying a house soon, I'd buy large enough for only 2 or 3 kids (and kids can share a bedroom, imo). By the time you have more kids (if that time ever comes), you could sell it or rent it out. Of course, only buy a house if the market is good (don't buy in a bubble), and buy something that needs a little bit of cosmetic work (so you're not paying for brand new paint in a color you don't like anyway) but don't buy a complete fixer-upper unless you and/or your husband have a lot of experience with that. Also, don't spend anywhere near as much as the banks are willing to give you a mortgage for - if you go with the max, you're going to have very little cash left after paying for the house and necessities.

 

Encourage your husband to do things to increase his earning potential, such as get more education (certifications, etc), attend conferences in his field, ask his employer what he needs to do to get a promotion and then do those things, etc.

 

Aside from that, yes, work on your own education since you feel you're not as educated as you want to be, and work and save up money now. Pay off debts if you have them, save up a sizable emergency fund, if you have a house, work toward paying it off, etc.

 

And yes, things don't always turn out the way you want them to. My spouse turned out to be bipolar. My oldest son turned out to be autistic. Etc. And no, life isn't all about the money, but since the question was what you can do now to prepare, preparing to be in the best possible position financially is one of the very best things you can do now, before you have kids.

[saffron]

If you're looking at buying a house soon, I'd buy large enough for only 2 or 3 kids (and kids can share a bedroom, imo). By the time you have more kids (if that time ever comes), you could sell it or rent it out. Of course, only buy a house if the market is good (don't buy in a bubble), and buy something that needs a little bit of cosmetic work (so you're not paying for brand new paint in a color you don't like anyway) but don't buy a complete fixer-upper unless you and/or your husband have a lot of experience with that. Also, don't spend anywhere near as much as the banks are willing to give you a mortgage for - if you go with the max, you're going to have very little cash left after paying for the house and necessities.

 

Encourage your husband to do things to increase his earning potential, such as get more education (certifications, etc), attend conferences in his field, ask his employer what he needs to do to get a promotion and then do those things, etc.

 

Aside from that, yes, work on your own education since you feel you're not as educated as you want to be, and work and save up money now. Pay off debts if you have them, save up a sizable emergency fund, if you have a house, work toward paying it off, etc.

 

And yes, things don't always turn out the way you want them to. My spouse turned out to be bipolar. My oldest son turned out to be autistic. Etc. And no, life isn't all about the money, but since the question was what you can do now to prepare, preparing to be in the best possible position financially is one of the very best things you can do now, before you have kids.

 

Those are very sensible suggestions. Thank you Luuknam. I'm sorry to hear about the bipolar and the autism.

[Sara in AZ]

Get organized! I really wish I could go back in time and just declutter a whole bunch before my oldest was born so that we started off streamlined before we added kid stuff to the mix. Because after kids it's only gotten worse. Maybe you are naturally organized. Alas, I am not.

[BlsdMama]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money?  It's a real question.

 

I admit I'd like a big, fat retirement fund.  I admit I'd love a big, fat bank account.   

 

But, not at the cost of eleven kids, homeschooling, and the life I've had up 'til now. 

 

 

How soon we forget how eager and optimistic we were............

That breaks my heart a little.

I thought I could conquer the whole world, starting with two little people and The Well Trained Mind.

I'm not sure I fell short.

And I absolutely would NOT recommend college classes for a mom who isn't going to use them for twenty years unless she could pay for them as she goes and take out ZERO loans.  
I began college right out of high school.  (And have the loans to prove it.)  I am *not* the person I was then.  Honestly?  As a current full time student, still with a passel of kids, I am so glad I didn't take classes again until now.  I'm much better equipped and actually know what I want to do.


I would work on The Well Educated Mind.  I'd join book groups.  I'd volunteer.  Get a job if it works for you and DH.  Otherwise - connect yourself.   You write well and express yourself well.  I don't think, at least in this area, your education could have been too lacking.  I would say travel and get out of the bubble if that's an option, by all means.

But I can't trample on the dream.  I'm living it and the grass is still green on this side of the fence.

[ebrindam]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money?  It's a real question.

 

I admit I'd like a big, fat retirement fund.  I admit I'd love a big, fat bank account.   

 

But, not at the cost of eleven kids, homeschooling, and the life I've had up 'til now. 

 

 

How soon we forget how eager and optimistic we were............

 

That breaks my heart a little.

 

I thought I could conquer the whole world, starting with two little people and The Well Trained Mind.

 

I'm not sure I fell short.

And I absolutely would NOT recommend college classes for a mom who isn't going to use them for twenty years unless she could pay for them as she goes and take out ZERO loans.  

I began college right out of high school.  (And have the loans to prove it.)  I am *not* the person I was then.  Honestly?  As a current full time student, still with a passel of kids, I am so glad I didn't take classes again until now.  I'm much better equipped and actually know what I want to do.

 

 

I would work on The Well Educated Mind.  I'd join book groups.  I'd volunteer.  Get a job if it works for you and DH.  Otherwise - connect yourself.   You write well and express yourself well.  I don't think, at least in this area, your education could have been too lacking.  I would say travel and get out of the bubble if that's an option, by all means.

 

But I can't trample on the dream.  I'm living it and the grass is still green on this side of the fence.

 

I love my life! My husband makes a lot of money and we don't struggle like many single income households do. However, our income level is unusual and I know that the OP isn't going to have the same situation. Additionally, I married DH when I already had a toddler and had already not been working. We were able to plan and build our life based on known circumstances. I wasn't being intentionally negative - I was giving the OP a realistic set of circumstances to think about. Because they happen to many people! Being realistic isn't the same as being negative.

[freesia]

I'm not saying life sucks b/c we don't have a lot of money.  The OP asked what she could do and the number one controllable area that I've noticed makes a big difference is good budgeting skills/no loans.  It doesn't mean you shouldn't have kids or homeschool without those. Not at all.  I am just trying to say that *if* you can do one thing, it would be that. 

[Wheres Toto]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money?  It's a real question.

 

I admit I'd like a big, fat retirement fund.  I admit I'd love a big, fat bank account.   

 

But, not at the cost of eleven kids, homeschooling, and the life I've had up 'til now. 

 

 

Lack of money doesn't necessarily make life suck, but it sure can.

 

When your kid is sick and you can't afford to take him to the doctor, that sucks.

When your kid needs medication for a chronic condition and you can't afford it, that sucks.

When your kid has a dream to <dance, do martial arts, play piano, etc > and you can't afford the lessons, that sucks.

When you have to worry about getting stuck because your car is unreliable, that sucks.

When your roof has a leak that's been covered with a tarp for 6 months because you can't afford to fix it, that sucks.

When you have no money for food so you don't eat so your children can have something (not enough), that sucks.

When your kids can't play in the snow because you couldn't afford boots or warm clothes, that sucks.

 

Shall I go on?

 

This is a reality some of us have lived in the past, and some are living with now.  If you can take steps to try and mitigate some of the risk, I would recommend doing it.

[Mergath]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money?  It's a real question.

 

I admit I'd like a big, fat retirement fund.  I admit I'd love a big, fat bank account.   

 

But, not at the cost of eleven kids, homeschooling, and the life I've had up 'til now. 

 

 

How soon we forget how eager and optimistic we were............

 

That breaks my heart a little.

 

I thought I could conquer the whole world, starting with two little people and The Well Trained Mind.

 

I'm not sure I fell short.

And I absolutely would NOT recommend college classes for a mom who isn't going to use them for twenty years unless she could pay for them as she goes and take out ZERO loans.  

I began college right out of high school.  (And have the loans to prove it.)  I am *not* the person I was then.  Honestly?  As a current full time student, still with a passel of kids, I am so glad I didn't take classes again until now.  I'm much better equipped and actually know what I want to do.

 

 

I would work on The Well Educated Mind.  I'd join book groups.  I'd volunteer.  Get a job if it works for you and DH.  Otherwise - connect yourself.   You write well and express yourself well.  I don't think, at least in this area, your education could have been too lacking.  I would say travel and get out of the bubble if that's an option, by all means.

 

But I can't trample on the dream.  I'm living it and the grass is still green on this side of the fence.

 

I'm very happy with my life, but whenever you're making a big life decision like the OP, it's good to hear the pros and the cons so you can make the best possible decision. I think we all felt like maybe the OP had only ever heard the happy fairy tales about being a sahm/homeschooler and wasn't quite aware of some of the not-so-great stuff that can happen. There's nothing wrong with telling her so she can plan ahead, and she admitted she hadn't thought about a lot of this stuff.

 

Honestly, if someone is going to be put off homeschooling by some strangers on the internet telling them it might not all be roses and unicorn farts, their heart probably wasn't in it in the first place.

 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm very happy with my life, but whenever you're making a big life decision like the OP, it's good to hear the pros and the cons so you can make the best possible decision. I think we all felt like maybe the OP had only ever heard the happy fairy tales about being a sahm/homeschooler and wasn't quite aware of some of the not-so-great stuff that can happen. There's nothing wrong with telling her so she can plan ahead, and she admitted she hadn't thought about a lot of this stuff.

 

Honestly, if someone is going to be put off homeschooling by some strangers on the internet telling them it might not all be roses and unicorn farts, their heart probably wasn't in it in the first place.

 

 

Pretty much!

 

I don't have regrets, and when DH and I look back, we can't even figure out where we went wrong, or what we would have done differently because most of our major derailing issues were surprises, and the normal fixes (such as "put the kids in school and work more") would not work for us.

 

But the recession, and serious health problems, and chronically ill children with expensive medical conditions, and the effects of the housing crisis and certain legislation that negatively impacted my husband's industry, have all been hellaciously hard.

 

If I had known to buy a house in a good school district so that I'd always have a school option, it would have helped. There is other knowledge that would have been helpful. (Again, though, not for all of my children - two needed homeschool.)

 

Also, times have changed SO much since I was a new bride in 1995! It's ridiculous to pretend that this is the same world, or that people are facing the same likely scenarios. 2017 on its own is a massive wild card. Hedge bets.

 

I love my husband and my children, I'm thankful for our house, our friends, and the ability to homeschool. But economically, mostly, this IS a less-traveled path, and it can be a very hard path. Stating realities of experience is not what "jaded" means.

Edited January 25, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar

[Guest]

You've gotten lots of great advice and it sounds like you are taking it well. 

I'm a "big picture" person, and it seems you are as well. One exercise I enjoyed was making a giant chart of our goals for our children in a variety of fields (math, reading, foreign language, cooking, sewing, home maintenance, etc.) We then worked backwards to make goals for them at different ages to reach them. For example, we would like our kids to be fluent in a second language and familiar with a third. Working backwards we decided that in their preschool years we should expose them to a variety of languages so they will understand that there are different languages and value them as well as expose them to French in a more in depth way, singing songs, playing games, watching videos, etc. To reach our goals for home maintenance we allow and encourage them to use many different tools as it is safe to do so, we have them watch us while we work, and we talk through what we are doing.  The value in this isn't that we are going to reach those goals (we fully expect that most of them are going to change drastically in the coming years as our children's strengths and weaknesses become apparent and our priorities shift with time) but that it allowed me and my husband to talk through our values regarding our children in a specific way and it helped us see what we could do with young children to help them become the youths and eventually the adults we want them to become. If you become very attached to plans, don't do this! But if you think it would be an interesting exercise that you are willing to throw by the wayside when it becomes necessary, I recommend it.

 

We did this too--when the kid was about 4.  Not a chart but a big picture PLAN and we stuck to it as closely as we could.  Ours was like this:  We want to get to New York (the educational big picture goals).  What are all the routes we can use to get to NY?  What road do we think we are best equipped and most hopeful in following to get there?  We decided on a classical route.  Then we found out what kind of transportation we could use to get there (curriculum) and found out where the gas stations and restaurants were (re-charging ourselves and our family).  And we made it to New York, but we did get lost a couple of times, have a couple of accidents and had to go into the shop and so on.  

 

It's a dumb metaphor but I am a big-picture person and I have to know where I am going and why before I can just set out.  I get lost unless I have the constant goal.  It is probably true for any model we would have chosen, but I have to say that choosing and sticking with classical ed took a lot of stress out of our lives.  We weren't constantly shifting around looking for greener pastures (more effective curriculum, yes...because we tried to work with the kid we have) and I didn't have to stop at every booth at the curriculum fair.  It's sort of like getting married...if nothing else, it's a relief from wondering "is he the one?" on every date.  LOL

[LucyStoner]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money? It's a real question.

 

I admit I'd like a big, fat retirement fund. I admit I'd love a big, fat bank account.

My life doesn't suck. At all. In fact compared to where I might be coming from my background, I have a pretty awesome life.

 

However, I grew up in poverty. Poverty of the sort where you don't always have a roof or semi-sound shoes, not poverty where you are scraping by without a lot of wiggle room. That has informed my decisions to never put myself or my kids in similar straits if there was anything I could do to avoid it. Having an education and resources of my own (however slender those may be) is something I owe myself and my family. I like that I am choosing to stay home rather than having to stay home because anything I can earn would go to childcare. Taking the time to earn a little/save money and shore up one's own education when one is engaged without children to care for now is something that expands one's options and flexibility later. I am just not someone who labors under notion that things will come out as we want them to. I am just not someone who doesn't see the value in backup plans for backup plans. Being pragmatic doesn't make me cynical. Being educated doesn't make me less of a mom or wife. Being somewhat prepared for many types of situations doesn't make me uncommitted to my family. Being financially prudent doesn't make me greedy or money focused (if my objective function were money there are many other professions I could have persued than the non-profit sector, lol).

Edited January 25, 2017 by LucyStoner

[purplejackmama]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money? It's a real question.

Um. Well. Um. Yes.

Life is super stressful with financial woes. It just is. It's expensive to live and it's hard to get blood out of turnips. My 2 income friends have different struggles, I'm sure. But today's economy makes it difficult to live on one income. YMMV

[fraidycat]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money? It's a real question.

 

I admit I'd like a big, fat retirement fund. I admit I'd love a big, fat bank account.

 

But, not at the cost of eleven kids, homeschooling, and the life I've had up 'til now.

 

 

How soon we forget how eager and optimistic we were............

 

That breaks my heart a little.

 

I thought I could conquer the whole world, starting with two little people and The Well Trained Mind.

 

I'm not sure I fell short.

And I absolutely would NOT recommend college classes for a mom who isn't going to use them for twenty years unless she could pay for them as she goes and take out ZERO loans.

I began college right out of high school. (And have the loans to prove it.) I am *not* the person I was then. Honestly? As a current full time student, still with a passel of kids, I am so glad I didn't take classes again until now. I'm much better equipped and actually know what I want to do.

 

 

I would work on The Well Educated Mind. I'd join book groups. I'd volunteer. Get a job if it works for you and DH. Otherwise - connect yourself. You write well and express yourself well. I don't think, at least in this area, your education could have been too lacking. I would say travel and get out of the bubble if that's an option, by all means.

 

But I can't trample on the dream. I'm living it and the grass is still green on this side of the fence.

And just a few months ago, members if this very board donated cash for another board member to feed her kids because her husband had been laid off so long that all reserves had been used up and they were losing their home.

 

Reality swings to the good and the bad.

[Carrie12345]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money?  It's a real question.

 

 

 

Nope, my life does not suck one bit.  But it could in a heartbeat.  That's a stress I don't wish on anyone.

[Guest]

This is one of the most jaded posts I've ever seen.

 

Does everyone really think their lifestyles suck for lack of money? It's a real question.

 

I admit I'd like a big, fat retirement fund. I admit I'd love a big, fat bank account.

 

But, not at the cost of eleven kids, homeschooling, and the life I've had up 'til now.

 

 

How soon we forget how eager and optimistic we were............

 

That breaks my heart a little.

 

I thought I could conquer the whole world, starting with two little people and The Well Trained Mind.

 

I'm not sure I fell short.

And I absolutely would NOT recommend college classes for a mom who isn't going to use them for twenty years unless she could pay for them as she goes and take out ZERO loans.

I began college right out of high school. (And have the loans to prove it.) I am *not* the person I was then. Honestly? As a current full time student, still with a passel of kids, I am so glad I didn't take classes again until now. I'm much better equipped and actually know what I want to do.

 

 

I would work on The Well Educated Mind. I'd join book groups. I'd volunteer. Get a job if it works for you and DH. Otherwise - connect yourself. You write well and express yourself well. I don't think, at least in this area, your education could have been too lacking. I would say travel and get out of the bubble if that's an option, by all means.

 

But I can't trample on the dream. I'm living it and the grass is still green on this side of the fence.

I don't think anyone is saying their lives suck from lack of money. We are living comfortably - not extravagantly, mind you, but not under duress about paying for needs - but I would absolutely always urge ALL young people to be capable of surviving without a mate if it came to that, or if the mate becomes unable to earn. I advise ALL young people to have a marketable skill, his or her own credit, and possession of his/her own account(s).

 

I defintely think a young person who has no kids yet should not spend too much time figuring out what curriculum to use for children not even conceived yet, or worried about parenting philosophies much.

 

Also, while it's true some people are not well-suited to college, I am more of a believer that if you can go directly to college, you should, even if your "real" plan is to be a mother of fifteen kids. There are ways to get a degree without a gigantic debt load, or maybe zero debt (OP has a lucrative WAH concept, so I would say invest that in her own education.) i did not darken the door of any college until I was 38 and I regret it tremendously. YES it is true I'm a much better student now than I was at 19, and yes, there are good things about being a mature student in college. But one learns so much that's not about the degree at college. And having that degree already when kids are born is much better, even if you "don't use" it for 20 years. A women with no degree, no accounts or credit of her own, and then babies is VERY VULNERABLE. I would not recommend that to anyone, just because you never know. You just never know.

[saffron]

Get organized! I really wish I could go back in time and just declutter a whole bunch before my oldest was born so that we started off streamlined before we added kid stuff to the mix. Because after kids it's only gotten worse. Maybe you are naturally organized. Alas, I am not.

 

Lucky for me I cannot stand clutter so I naturally purge items on a regular basis. If you need help with this, I'd suggest a great book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo.

 

 

Um. Well. Um. Yes.

Life is super stressful with financial woes. It just is. It's expensive to live and it's hard to get blood out of turnips. My 2 income friends have different struggles, I'm sure. But today's economy makes it difficult to live on one income. YMMV

 

I'm sorry to hear that so many on this forum, and friends of people who have responded above, have been struggling financially.

 

I know there are other forums out there that help people with this topic, but do you think it might be beneficial to have an area of this forum dedicated to discussing money management and earning cash? Considering that so many people have brought it up as a vital topic to consider when homeschooling or being a SAHM perhaps that would be helpful.

 

One idea that comes to mind for an income source for HS SAHMs would be authoring books and self publishing them on Amazon. Over the years you can publish several books and make a nice little income check from Amazon each month. There are so many possibilities.

 

Not only that, but we could discuss methods of budgeting (eg: EveryDollar.com) and books/methods of personal finance.

[Miss Mousie]

If I had known to buy a house in a good school district so that I'd always have a school option, it would have helped. There is other knowledge that would have been helpful. (Again, though, not for all of my children - two needed homeschool.)

.

 

Totally OT, but I have learned that "good school district" is highly subjective, and it was only when looking at how "good" school was for my particular student that I decided homeschooling was the way to go for us.

[BlsdMama]

How in the world does one "prepare" for the million possibilities?

Let's be honest - even with a four year degree that is 20 years old - good luck just jumping straight into the marketplace.


What if I am attacked by a lava monster?  Shoulda coulda wore a flame proof suit.  What if I am hit by a bus and left with nothing my face attached to a robot?  Shoulda coulda looked both ways.

Ya'all, the OP asked for ways to prepare as a homeschool mom.  I bet she's regretting the post.  
Everyone warned her about impending divorce, death, disability, and financial ruin.

Yet, so many of us here are happily married and homeschooling children.  Is she naive? Um, yeah.  You betcha.  She's all of what? Mid twenties?  I was 23 when I started homeschooling Ana.  I was sure I was on the golden path and all was right in the world.  And I'm pretty sure even if everyone had come alongside and told me that in three short years I would bury a child, and 15 years into a wonderful, non burnt out homeschooling career, that I would get smacked with nasty, nasty depression and, gratefully, survive it, that there would be NO way to prepare for it.  Go to school, in debt, then choose to stay home and what?  Make payments on loans for a major that may or may not have a job attached to it in twenty years when the info is probably outdated?  

Fine.  I'll give you my advice.

 

 

Fiscally:

Live on less than you make and never deviate from that no matter how little or how much you make.

Put some away for the rainy day because the rainy day is inevitable.
DH better be well educated and if he isn't he needs to work AND go to school.
He should invest in a little something called long term disability.
He should have enough life insurance that you can be totally supported by it for a minimum of six years while  you return to school, assuming you are academically competent.  For us that's nearly a million dollar policy - pay off the house and support myself as a single mama.

ETA: Your ideas of you being able to add money to the home with a lot of young children are not wise nor are they reasonable.  I do two hours of LAUNDRY in a day.  I spend an hour or two bathing humans.  I spend 3+ just preparing food for the minions.  The idea of "just writing a little book and selling it on Amazon" in my spare time - writing, let alone marketing, is almost laughable as a *dependable* way of feeding humans.  I'm not being rude, it's just that if it was that easy, lots of people would do it.  They just aren't.  And time is not on your side.  Whatever you have witnessed, I promise it can't have been a mama with 8+ kiddos, close in age, actively homeschooling because she has zero bon-bon time let alone time to work for pay.  This should *not* be in the back of your head as an option.  If he does not make enough $$ to feed and clothe you, etc., then you will be in dire straits.  Most of us talk about money because we are dropping a LOT of money on curriculum, classes, etc. by the time we have 8+ kiddos and in high school.  It would be far cheaper for me to work and put them in private school here in the Midwest.  However, this is what we've chosen out of conviction, not because it's easier or a solid financial choice.  And we have DEFINITELY benefitted as have the children.  But I will tell you, because it is both helpful and useful, that we do not count on me for income.  I wanted to tutor dyslexics. So we tried it - paying job, doing what I love.  DH was utterly overwhelmed because the 5PM crowd is really a two person job with all hands on deck.  And, it must be said, he is probably THE single most competent father I have ever seen in my life.

However, on the topic of "planning" for the DH to leave you:
But most of us do not prepare for our husbands finding a honey, leaving us destitute, and honestly, it would make me a bitter and resentful person if that was in the back of my head. (Must study super hard, that fella could leave me with these kids any minute?!  That mindset just cannot be healthy for a trusting, loving marriage.  I'd rather he leave me shocked than prepared.  Then I stand up, get up, and do the next thing, like one does in life.)

Emotionally:

Hang out with some mamas of the homeschooling mindset.

Educationally:

Read poetry.
Read "hard" books.
Read Charlotte Mason's series.
Enjoy caring for your home.
Practice smiling at people when you're tired and when you don't feel like it.
Write scripture on your walls.
Pray.

That's all I got. ;)

 

Edited January 25, 2017 by BlsdMama