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  1. I'm getting married in a few months, and will be a stay at home wife (ie: someone with time on her hands) for the next year or so until our first child is born. I'm looking for ways that I can best use this time to prepare myself for parenting and homeschooling. I'm not as well educated as I'd like to be. I had a very poor schooling experience and stopped paying attention all together around age 14. Most of what I've learned has been self taught, 'as needed' and there are gaps in my education. So perhaps I should focus on learning before I attempt to start teaching? We're intending to have many children, so parenting, homeschooling, and housekeeping will be my full time job for decades to come. It seems to be a good idea for me to use this free time wisely while I still have it to make things go better later on when I'm short on time. I'd also like to know which parenting method (if you use a particular one) you prefer and why. What would you suggest I invest this time in to best prepare myself?
  2. Hi all, I knew you'd want to know that we're offering two brand-new audio lectures by Susan Wise Bauer, recorded at homeschooling conferences: Burning Out: Why it Happens and What to do About it Every home school family finds itself in the doldrums occasionally. But when the doldrums last for weeks or months, it’s time to consider the possibility of burnout. In this seminar--drawn from years of personal experience with effective home education and burnout--Susan defines burnout, investigates the elements that make burnout more likely, and offers a series of practical, experience-tested suggestions for moving forward. and What is History? How and Why Should I Teach It? Choosing the right program isn’t the first step in teaching history to your students. Before you can make informed decisions about what curricula to use, you need to understand why you’re teaching history at all--and define what your student should be gaining from it. This seminar will explain what history actually is (you might be surprised!), survey different methods and approaches for teaching, and suggest appropriate goals for elementary, middle-grade, and high school students. Both are now available as MP3 downloads, along with all of our other lectures.
  3. I was trying to figure out a how to make a poll out of this, but couldn't decide on questions/answers. I've been thinking about the whole idea of teaching obedience and establishing consequences. I struggle somewhat with this as a parent because I was the kind of child who didn't respond well to consequences and pressure to obey. The more I was pushed, the more I resisted. My mom was seriously worried that I was just going to grow up not believing in consequences for my actions and get into lots of trouble. Because I had such a strong aversion to being told what to do, I really don't like to tell others what to do. As an adult, I don't really have a problem with general societal rules and consequences--i.e., I know if I choose to speed on the highway I may get a ticket. That feels different to me somehow than the obedience that was expected when I was a child. Obedience to adult authority--parents, teachers, etc.--tended to feel very arbitrary and like an unfair imposition on my personal autonomy. That need to maintain autonomy was at the root of my non-compliance. Now that I am a parent I can see the other side of the coin, which is mostly that children don't see the big picture and if they don't follow instructions it can throw a wrench in the smooth functioning of a family/school/etc. If we need to be someplace in twenty minutes and one child is refusing to put their coat and shoes on, that causes real problems. If a child refuses to do their share of family chores (washing dishes, folding clothes etc.) that places an unfair burden on everyone else. I'm not really asking for advice now, I'm more curious to get the perspective of other adults on their own experience as children. It seems that some children naturally want to comply, maybe to keep adults happy with them or because they just have a strong need to follow rules. Some don't seem to have strong feelings one way or another, they will obey if there is sufficient incentive (positive or negative). And some are more like me, feeling a need to resist outside compulsion almost as a matter of principle. My husband was on the compliant side, and he has a really hard time understanding those of our children who take more after me in this respect. I, on the other hand, have a very hard time understanding why a child would ever want to comply and mostly work on the assumption that they won't :tongue_smilie:
  4. Can you please tell me about blogs you read regularly? I am looking specifically for blogs on homeschooling and parenting preschoolers. My goal is to ask a few bloggers if they would review my craft kits and perhaps do a giveaway on their blog. Thanks for you help.
  5. It's started. The eye-rolling, the sarcasm, the silent treatment. I need to read up on raising a tween girl (11-12 yo), to be the nice person she was a few weeks ago. What books have you read that you liked? (Sometimes I think I don't have her in middle school not to protect her from the mean girls...but to protect the rest of the girls from *her*! (Just kidding...sort of.) PS, should I cross-post this to the Logic Stages board, or is it most appropriate on this forum?
  6. What are your favorite books on parenting the elementary age range? I'm realizing that I need to adapt as my daughter grows up from preschool age. She's a good kid. She usually listens to me, obeys generally, is generally happy and thankful, etc., but I'm concerned that I not be over-controlling for her age. My approach so far could be called "Duck on a June bug". She needs to become more independent and learn how to negotiate and disagree with me respectfully. Also, I see that she needs to grow into more self-accountability. I need some good books to help me think this through. Thanks in advance! :001_smile:
  7. Hi everyone, I recently joined this group and I'm not sure if there will be others out there within this forum that relate, but I need to try. I have 2 boys, ages 13 and 12. My 12 year old was born with a physical disability on his right side. Specifically this means that he used to walk on his right toes, instead of flat footed until he had surgery that mostly corrected this. He also doesn't use his right hand or arm much. He is contracted at the elbow about 40 degrees and his hand lacks any dexterity. That being said, he is a very bright and normal child. He wants to do everything that his brother does, which is good and bad, because his brother seems to pick up things quite easily. These interests that they both share are skateboarding, guitar, and playing hockey. Lately I've noticed my 12 year old getting depressed. Part of it is the age, but he's becoming sullen and mouthy, and I'm afraid to loose him to drugs and other negative ways of welf soothing. I feel it's very important to get him into something that he can be good at and will want to do. I need some suggestions from others out there as to activities I can get him into and ways to deal with his moods. Does anyone have a suggestion or thought? Thank you.
  8. I was talking to my friend yesterday who began homeschooling a year and a half ago, and she confided that she loses her temper once a day with her kids (she has 3 children, formerly PSed) while doing school with them. She told me she never imagined she would get so frustrated with her kids, and prior to homeschooling considered herself fairly "easy going". She only lurks on this board, but I promised I would post a poll to show that other people lose their tempers with their children too; perhaps not that much, but it happens. I also told her that it sometimes takes PS-ed kids longer to "adjust" to being schooled by mom, and that can be hard. Can you please answer this poll honestly? It's anonymous. Thanks. ETA: to clarify, this is only in the context of homeschooling-whether you lose your temper other times (perhaps because your child refuses to do their chores, or something) is not what I'm getting at here.
  9. Dh sent me this and i sort of had to laugh in one way at some of the comments. http://living.msn.com/family-parenting/journey-into-mommyhood/article?cp-documentid=33451446 BTW, we did both. N and C were crib sleepers and L was/is a co sleeper. :001_smile:
  10. He's feral at times, I swear. He is the energy/trouble/noise level of 3 2 yr olds. I'm not kidding, other people will vouch for that. He will deliberately do something he knows he's not to do. He could level the house in 1 day. He's climbed into the running washer, emptied the fridge, played "crash" with the eggs, smeared maple syrup all over the carpet and tv, screams "WHY MOMMY WHY" whenever I try to redirect him... He's exhausting. Totally. My running joke is homeschooling for the first kid, military school for the second. He's high energy/high need and sensory seeking. I know that, and I've read sensory books. But any sort of discipline or correction does no good. He's a 2 year old bully with his almost 5 yr old brother. I need parenting suggestions, book suggestions, or any ideas of how much sedative to give a 2 yr old.... :lol:
  11. My husband and I are building a house and it's taking everything we've got (a loan from in-laws and our personal savings). So this year presents are lean--we keep saying the house is our present. It's not a complaint, just reality. My birthday is the same month as Christmas, so my husband has a hard time finding two sets of gifts anyway. This year he outdid himself. I have an antique rocking chair that's a family heirloom. The only heirloom I have. It was falling apart, so he had it reglued, sanded and revarnished. It looks beautiful, completely restored. It was fairly expensive (we live overseas and this kind of work is rare) and my only present for my b-day. Very special to me. This morning we discovered that our 6 year old son has scratched the surface of the rocking chair in several places (less than a month after we got it redone), many of the scratches in the shapes of hearts. A couple of weeks ago we saw him scratching the varnish off of a couple spots on my sewing table. We talked to him, he got his spanking, he apologized, we hugged and kissed and it was over. We thought he really understood he shouldn't have done it. We asked him when he did the scratches on the rocking chair and he said it was on the same day of the sewing machine incident. I don't know if I believe him. Neither I or my husband noticed it that day. And we've done family pictures in the rocking chair and I sit in it several times every day and never noticed it. I really don't know how to handle it. He says he's sorry, but I don't know if he understands how bad it was, how he ruined something new and precious (when anything new or nice is so rare when you're missionaries overseas). I don't want him to think that "things" are more important than he is, but he needs to realize what he did and the depth of it. It was hurtful, destructive and disobedient. We told him that we have to pray and talk about how to handle this so he doesn't ever do it again. My husband mentioned (privately) that we could let him open one of his Christmas gifts and then marr somehow it soon after, so he understands how it feels and will be considerate of other's possessions. I don't know if that accomplishes the goal or what it will do. We really have no idea how to handle this situation. He is such a sweet little boy, but his attitude has recently turned less obedient and more willful. He's been getting in more trouble lately. But I keep thinking--He's six, it's a phase we need to work through. Am I right? Please share your wisdom, experiences...(and please don't make this about the fact that we spank, that's our choice, it's based on conviction, and it's done with restraint, never in anger). Thanks!
  12. every. single. day. about. every. single. subject? My middle child is 6.5 y/o, in first grade. It is our first year hsing. She hated ps, hated it. She says she wants to hs, and never wants to go back to ps. She is actually making really nice progress in hs. Just last night, I was jumping for joy and telling her how proud I was of her when she read a challenging book by herself. I have scaled way back on what I have her do. Really now, my goal with her is to focus on reading, phonics, and math. The 3 r's minus not much writing. She would prefer to just play all day and never school. What do I do? Do I try and find a different private school and send her? My older one, loves school in general. She is doing excellent in hs and even accelerating her growth of learning. But my middle one, ugh. Like I said, she is making good progress at home, much better than if she was in ps. What if she grows to dislike me so much one day because I am her teacher and she hates everything about school? I have tried rewards, etc. Nothing works. I give her choices, everything. Nothing works. Any advice? If I scale back anymore on her, we might as well call it preschool. I never yell at her, am very positive, but I do tell her my expectations when she tries to be ultra defiant and doesn't want to do anything.
  13. I've seen lots of anti-spanking threads here lately, with recommendation that spankers find a more enlightened method of discipline. However I am left with a question. I want my kids to be obedient. By this I mean I want them to do what I tell them, with a good attitude, the first time I ask. All the time. Pro-spanking books that I've read focus on this. I have not seen other books that do--they tend to place their focus elsewhere. Which leads me to wonder...are there many paths to obedience? Or is spanking the only/most efficient way? So please tell me how you personally have achieved obedience. If you do not believe children should be absolutely obedient, or you believe other goals of parenting are more important, than I respectfully ask you to keep that opinion to yourself as I do not want this thread to turn into a back and forth about parenting styles. I want helpful, personal advice from parents who have obedient children. Thanks! Elena
  14. A new blog post at Scientific American ties the writer's personal educational story to studies I've seen cited before and which have helped me take confidence in what I see my dd doing, and how we learn together (I seldom explicitly "teach" her). The post and the studies to which it refers may be of interest to those who are either seeking, or finding themselves unexpectedly taking, an alternative educational path. Those of us who have kids who seem to demand or to require a different approach may find it particularly encouraging. http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog Go to "Guest Blog." The post is from July 7th. "We say we want children to achieve at the highest level—to be the next generation of great scientists and innovators and artists and world leaders—yet the system we’ve put in place makes it nearly impossible for each child to reach their potential. Those worst off are typically the ones whose unique skills and talents we need the most—the most creative thinkers, the natural innovators, the ones who find comfort in the discomfort of not knowing, fearless in the pursuit of their vision."
  15. Hi, I'm interested on how parents of teens divide up the parenting and life responsibilities. I'm not talking about the homeschooling part of it. I'm curious about how others divide up the parenting. (NOT the homeschooling - the parenting. Think about the things you would be doing to parent kids if they were in public school...) Who handles oversight of kid's chores? Who has the final say on what extra curricular activities each child will have? And then who gets them there and helps the child learn to manage those activities so the kid can be a part of them? Who teaches the kids about money management? Time management? Who handles bad attitudes? Who sits down with the kids to discuss life goals and careers? And then who sits with the child to remind them about those discussions and have healthy discussions about how much effort they are putting forth to MEET those goals. (Again a fine line here...... but imagine your kids were in public school and they said they want to do well and go to college. Which of you would have regular discussion with them about that and then follow up to make sure the child is making progress toward those goals? "You say you want to do ______, but you are earning a C+ average in school. What are you going to change so you can accomplish what you want to accomplish?" That kind of thing.) Which parent works with the child to brainstorm meaningful ways to spend summers in order to present a well-rounded student to selective colleges? How do you divide up the household stuff: Home Maintenance? Shopping? Major purchases and weekly errands? Cooking? Cleaning? Laundry? Yard Work? Car Care? Appliance Maintenance: Furnace filters, drier vent, defrost freezer, vac. coils on the fridge so it can breathe.... Financial Stuff: Who handles the budgeting and writes the checks? Who does the banking? Who handles household paperwork? Who handles long-term financial planning? Anything more you can think of? I'm curious about how couples with teens divide up these kinds of things. I'm the MOST interested in the teen-interaction stuff, but figured insight into how couple handle the house stuff might offer up a more balanced picture of the division of duties in your home and marriage. Thanks for your inout, Janice
  16. or oxygen mask when homeschool doesn't go the way you planned or when kids put off their work or simply when you feel you are left alone to tackle problems? This is just the end of my second year of HS. Still got a lot to learn. So many parenting books tell you to "just take a deep breath", or "put on your oxygen mask" before you should get upset and yell. But when kids push that botton, before I have time to take a breath, my brain switches to the "fright or flight" mode. Where do you find your oxygen mask??:confused: Obviously, mine is still lost somewhere in the mess of my living room....
  17. Ok, I have a secret to tell you.... I am not the world's best mom. After I have worked on homeschooling my son, I am not in the mood to play with him. I have my "to-do list" that consumes me, or I just need a break. On a good day I spend 30-60 minutes playing with him. Yes, that is a good day. Am I the only one? Any advice from fellow mommas out there? :o
  18. What has worked for you in taming the back-talk, disrespect, screaming, etc.? Ds is very verbal, which is good in someways, but sometimes he uses it to say horrible things or yell and scream. We have tried taking away screen time but he is incredibly stubborn, and his response was "Fine. I didn't want to watch T.V. anyway." We have had similar results with removing toys or legos. This is a kid who loves to stay home, so taking away activities would not discourage the behavior. We have tried a quarter system, where he earns quarters when we see desired behavior & speech, and then he loses quarters for talking back, arguing or yelling, and while he likes the system, it seems to have little effect on whether or not he actually does it. Meaning, he does feel regret when he loses a quarter, but it doesn't stop the behavior from occurring in the first place. I realize that it is February and that is undoubtedly part of the problem since the behavior has escalated in the past few days, but I am at my wit's end with this kid! I should also add that giving him "do overs" or making him practice proper responses (like calmly repeating what he should say 10 times) infuriates him even more in the moment and usually causes a larger meltdown. What has worked with your incredibly strong-willed kids to stop rude speech, back-talk, yelling, etc.?
  19. I have a 2.5 year old who talks back to me or yells at me. She speaks in a rude and disrespectful manner. Sometimes you cannot understand her. Often times it is followed by a temper tantrum. Someone mentioned to me using sassy spray (vinegar and water spray in the mouth) for discipline. Is this overboard? What would you do?
  20. I read a great book called Nurture Shock and did a review post: http://www.knittedthoughts.com/2010/12/book-review-nurture-shock.html The book definitely got me thinking about how books have affected my parenting styles over my years as a homeschooler and a parent in general. I'm curious to hear what books have helped you the most --- or hindered you the most...
  21. It's called 10-20-30GO! Here's an explanation from the website about what they do: With this children’s accountability system, children spend 10 minutes each day in prayer and meditation; 20 minutes each day reading; and 30 minutes each day performing assigned chores…with little or no whining and complaining! It's $40 for a two-child kit. Sounds like a good system if you're in the market for it!
  22. Hi, I'm new here. My wife and I have been having some issues with our 16 year old daughter recently and my parents and I thought this might be a good place to get some advice. I should probably provide some background. My daughter has gotten in trouble several times in the last few years and it all has to do with defiance of our rules and the law. My mom and step-dad (whom I consider my real dad) live 4 houses down the street from us. They own our house and we rent from them (although recently it has been hard to pay the rent, but they are okay with that). A typical scenario when our daughter gets into trouble is that they think we are being too harsh on her with punishment. As far as I know, they haven't been saying that directly to our daughter, but I do get little "hints" now and then with everyone present. My mom generally is very sweet and everyone likes her because she is "nice". She never had to use any heavy punishment on me at all because I never got into trouble nor gave her reason to punish me. I know, that sounds really odd, but I really was well behaved. To this day, she says she doesn't know how to handle any of the situations that our daughter puts us in because she has no experience with that sort of thing. The most recent problem was when our daughter, who has a provisional driver's license (in Oregon, that means she cannot have anyone in the car with her who is under 25), took some friends to lunch in my stepdad's car. We found out about it and took her license away from her and her iPod Touch. This is not the first time she has given us reason to take away things that she is very fond of. This is the 3rd time the iPod has been taken away and this time we sold it. We've tried to be as nice as possible while still being firm about rules and punishment. My parents on the other hand, will say things and give the pouty lip look in front of our daughter when we discuss these things. So I feel like they are undermining my wife and I without actually saying a word. This has been very difficult for us and I have a hard time confronting them on it because they have been so giving to us in recent years during hard times. Tonight, our daughter told us that the grandparents offered to allow her to move in with them when she is 18. Obviously, that might not be what they actually said, but our daughter got that thought planted somehow, right? She would still be in high school when she turned 18 because her birthday is in October, so she is older than most in her class. So now I'm fighting myself in my head how to deal with this situation. I have a great relationship with my parents and I can already tell you how my mom will react if I even try to nicely discuss this with her. There will be tears and she will say guilt-trippy things like, "Yeah, why listen to a dumb old bat grandma like me..." This is our one and only daughter and she has made it clear that without the boundaries we give her, she'd be doing things that scare us. My parents would likely have zero rules for her and by letting her move in, it's like a slap in the face for my wife and I... Just wondering if anyone out there has had similar experiences and how they handled it. I would truly appreciate any advice and/or comments anyone has about this. Thank you in advance for your help. Wendell
  23. I have had a terrible day-the kind that leaves you shaky and wishing you could find a corner to crawl in and cry. I have had some issues with my kids' behavior and today was sort of the culmination of these problems all exploding simultaneously. DD5 seems to have issues with wanting everything to go exactly as she has them in her mind, and when they don't, she explodes and is inconsolable. She will demand for you to do things over from the start, especially. She will scream and cry, threaten, etc. Like this morning, she had wanted to wear her cat shirt. I had set it on the rocker, but my Mom didn't know. She was helping the 2 littles to dress for homeschool group. I was gone for a wlak with oldest. I retruned to find dd5 screaming and throwing things and could barely make out "cat shirt". I got it for her, but then she demands to have her pajamas put back on so she can start over. We did not have time for that, even it it had been a reasonable request. I try to reason with her and state the time limit and that she will go as is or stay with my mom if need be, while we go to co-op. Nothing helps. Sometimes it just takes time, distractions, hugs, more time, etc. to get her to calm down. She has been this way since she was a toddler. At first, we humored her if it wasn't going to put us out too much, thinking it was just independece speaking and she would grow out of it. We phased out the enabling by the time she was 3, and started trying to instruct her out of it, asssuming from then on that repeats were just stubborness. It seems to have gotten worse, not better, and borders on OCD-weirdness. She seems physically pained by changes in her plan. Help! dd6 is classic ADHD. She lacks impulse control. I have tried everything in the book. Today, she pinched one boy at co-op for the high crime of sitting "at the girl table" then not 20 minutes later, a frantic mom and sobbing boy come up and show me a terrible bite mark she inflicted because the boy had merely entered the room where she and her girlfriends were playing. Just a few minutes before, dd5 had to have a time out for refusing to take no for an answer about being picked up/held and dd13 was acting almost as silly, asking me to fill a plate and bring it to her as if she were dd5! So here I am, plate in hand, dd5 clinging to my leg, whining, dd6 hiding under a pool table, boy crying and other mom fretting. ARGH! I try to get them and all their things and go. It wasn't a smooth exit. DD6 had started Christian counseling about 2 months ago because of impulse contol issues, but it doesn't seem to be helping at all. I have a gut feeling about the couselor that she isn't all that well trained and doesn't jive well with dd. What would you do, what have you done, if you were in my shoes? Already have told dd6 she can not go to co-op next Friday. Lakota
  24. This might be a hot topic so I will attempt propriety. I'm researching information on the commercialization of childhood and adolescence, and it's effects on and influence over our children. I apply these questions specifically to girls as I have one, and I am not one. My maturation as man informs how I hope my son to be, and as I am going to be the primary caregiver soon, I'm hoping to better under the emotional development and needs of my daughter. It's clear to me that on some level, I don't connect with them as she needs. Of these things, I can learn and adapt. But this is tangential to my exploration. I wholly accept that males and females differ psychologically and emotionally; we interact with and view the world from a different perspectives. I believe we have same motivatation - to be happy - but seek attainment through divergent motivations and desires. But understanding this, I also feel that trapping our children into gender stereotypes is a disservice to their future potential and opportunities. One thing I wonder on concerns the propensity of social influence over girls. I don't know if it's a difference of personality or gender, but I have noticed my daughter, who's five, to be much more enamored of and influenced by her peers and the presentation of image. Is this personality or gender, and if it is gender, do marketers take advantage of this knowledge. Do they take advantage of the genetic inclinations of gender in different ways - with boys it's NFL and WWF, not Disney princesses? Sorry, so now to my main point. At what level should I be concerned with the commercialization of sexuality over my daughter? We don't watch any broadcast television with the exception of PBS when we travel to Nona's; sometimes they get it at friends, but we try to limit that influence and we definitely limit their exposure to the moral corruption of the mass media (and I'm not even that moral). We support my daughter's innate desire for dress-up, but refuse the Disney (more on my feelings of Disney later!) stereotype. We nurture her natural empathy toward all beings, but feel it makes her vulnerable to potentially negative forces. I am clear with them as to the motivations of manufacturers with regard to imagery and attempt to influence our decisions, and I have begun to discuss how we are viscerally affected by their attempts. I am interested in discussion on these topics and welcome all thoughts. Again, I focus mainly on girls as I see my daughter being most vulnerable to the pervasive engine of gender stereotyping and sexualized imagery. Please include any relevant discussion of male stereotyping and areas I should be aware of. Sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes or spelling errors, I'm slowly getting better at proof-reading.
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