PSA: Thin People Also May Not Like It When You Comment On Their Food

[Ginevra]

It has just come to my attention that some bigger people do not realize that thin women also don't wish to have their plates/dinner/whatever commented on. See, there's a can't-do-right issue here. If a thin person piles their plate with delectables, the commentary is, "Well, isn't it nice to eat like that and still be thin!" If she eats like a bird for any reason, she must have an eating disorder.

 

I realize once again that I am a person with no artifice. I don't craft an image of myself at all. I don't pay attention to what other ladies eat no matter how big or small they may be. I'm a little butt-hurt right now because I just learned that my eating does, in fact, draw commentary that I was unaware of. So now I don't want to eat in that setting ever again, except that I know that will still generate commentary because then they will be talking about my lack of eating.

 

Also, I am moody today and have Current Menstrual Syndrome, CMS.

[PrincessMommy]

I'm sorry.  I've found that it's not settings but people themselves.  Some people have hair-line triggers about certain topics.  

[Guest]

I'm sorry. I've found that it's not settings but people themselves. Some people have hair-line triggers about certain topics.

What do you mean by this? Are you saying some people are just waiting to comment on other people's meals? Or that the thin person is expecting commentary?

 

Because I'm the thinner person that is apparently garnering comments I was unaware of.

[Anne in CA]

I do think people are trying to be friendly. But I remember people calling me Anneorexic back before my metabolism changes and it was nerve wracking. I hated it. 

[MistyMountain]

I used to get tons of comments about being too thin and what I was eating as a kid and teenager. I naturally am very skinny. I always ate a lot but I was a very picky eater. I was basically bullied over being thin in high school. I had people say cruel things about being a stick figure and how disgusting that was or blowing over in the wind being anorexic etc on a very regular basis in high school. I hated high school and just put in the minimum and wanted to be done with it. It really hurt my self confidence and I made some bad decisions do to lack of self esteem. I see memes sometimes trashing thin people and they bother me.

Edited January 24, 2017 by MistyMountain

[Tanaqui]

Mannerly people do not stare at other people's plates, nor do they make unsolicited personal comments. They focus on their own food.

[Mom-ninja.]

I do think people are trying to be friendly. But I remember people calling me Anneorexic back before my metabolism changes and it was nerve wracking. I hated it. 

 

I don't give people the credit of trying to be friendly. I've had all the following said to me:

 

"You make me sick."

 

"I hate you, *itch."

 

"You do know men like actual curves, right?"

 

"Stop making the rest of us look bad, traitor."

 

"OMG, you have gotten even thinner and it looks horrible. You look sick."

 

"Do you even eat?"

 

 

and behind my back my kids were once grilled by two women about whether their mommy eats and what she eats and how much she eats. 

 

None of that is being friendly. It is rude, mean, and gossipy/nosey. 

 

 

I've gotten to the point that I just smile and tell the person how rude their comment was. 

[Guest]

I think the gate between the brain and the mouth is sometimes a little slow to operate.  I don't think people mean any harm by it...but it does get old.  I got that comment for so many years and it's just...boring.  Like my friend who had a name that rhymed with another word and was always called "Pretty Bitty" (name made up but that's the gist).  It was all this person could do to operate the gate between the brain and the mouth so as not to say, "Gee, I've never heard that before!"   :::eyeroll:::

 

It's the same way I feel about everyone being careful to ask allll about my allegies at every turn.  I KNOW they care and I KNOW they are trying to find a way to open a conversation.  It's just that I am sick to DEATH of the topic.  So I turn it around and try to find something they are really interested in and take it from there.  

 

But I do get it.  

 

:0)

 

[momacacia]

Other people eat? Huh!

 

I have a 1 year old. I just hope to get to eat 3 meals a day in some form. Other people are on their own. 😀

[mom of 2 boys]

I'm on the border of being underweight, and memes about "bones being for dogs" and whatnot do kind of bother me. I don't think it's ever appropriate to shame someone else's body type, whether they are purposely trying to attain that particular look or not. 

[Georgiana Daniels]

Truly...eyes on your own plates, people! I'm sorry that happened to you. As a not-thin person, I know how it feels to have your plate scrutinized, and it sucks.

[LucyStoner]

I believe that people need to keep their eyes on their own plates, no matter what who is what size.

 

That said, if your attitudes about heavy people that you have shared here have spilled into your personal interactions with people(spoken or unspoken), it could be that some people may be feeling defensive about something you've said or they detected in your attitude in the past. I don't think that justifies anyone making comments about your size or plate. That said, often when something feels acrimonious in an interpersonal exchange there's a history that it may be wise to reflect on.

Edited January 24, 2017 by LucyStoner

[Mergath]

I don't know why anyone thinks it's okay to comment on someone's size or eating habits regardless of their size. Seriously, just say it in your head, people.

 

Well, except when it comes to Eugenia Cooney. Someone needs to get her some help.

[momacacia]

Other people eat? Huh!

 

I have a 1 year old. I just hope to get to eat 3 meals a day in some form. Other people are on their own. 😀

[Guest]

I believe that people need to keep their eyes on their own plates, no matter what who is what size.

 

That said, if your artitudes about heavy people that you have shared here have spilled into your personal interactions with people(spoken or unspoken), it could be that some people may be feeling defensive about something you've said or they detected in your attitude in the past. I don't think that justifies anyone making comments about your size or plate. That said, often when something feels acrimonious in an interpersonal exchange there's a history that it may be wise to reflect on.

Well, thanks for that. The post that will live in infamy.

 

This is not acrimonious exchange. This is my finding out that in a setting where I thought we were just a bunch of ladies sharing food together, there were actually numerous people remarking about my food when my back was turned. These are just a group of women with whom I've never discussed body shape in any way.

 

I don't think it's unusual to share an opinion in a post one wouldn't share IRL. I never say two words about anyone's size IRL, and I don't notice or care or look at what anyone else eats.

[Garga]

I haaaaaaate it when people talk about what I eat.  I hated it when I was skinny and I hate it now when I'm not-so-skinny.  I hate it when people tell me I'm not eating enough or when they wonder why I'm going back up to the buffet yet again.

 

And I haaaaaaate it when people infer that I'm overdressed.  I don't own jeans, people, so no matter what I wear it tends to look too dressy.  No matter that it's just the yoga-pant material pants from Walmart with a button down shirt.  If it's not jeans, "Why are YOU all dressed up?"  Because jeans always feel like they're too tight in my crotch and it's not socially acceptable to tug them down from those places.  Did you really want to talk about my jeans??

 

Eyes on your own paper.

Edited January 24, 2017 by Garga

[myfunnybunch]

Or, The comments I get are usually the opposite: Due to incredible stress right now, I am barely able to eat. I'm pretty tired of making noncommittal noises when people say, "No wonder you're so thin. You don't eat." Almost like it's a compliment, sometimes. Or, "I wish I could eat like that."

 

No, you really don't. Believe me, I would love to sit down and really enjoy a full meal or a piece of cheesecake again without feeling like I am eating sawdust. But I don't feel like explaining that my stomach is constantly in knots as I try to keep life from falling apart.

[Guest]

I haaaaaaate it when people talk about what I eat. I hated it when I was skinny and I hate it now when I'm not-so-skinny. I hate it when people tell me I'm not eating enough or when they wonder why I'm going back up to the buffet yet again.

 

And I haaaaaaate it when people infer that I'm overdressed. I don't own jeans, people, so no matter what I wear it tends to look too dressy. No matter that it's just the yoga-pant material pants from Walmart with a button down shirt. If it's not jeans, "Why are YOU all dressed up?" Because jeans always feel like they're too tight in my crotch and it's not socially acceptable to tug them down from those places. Did you really want to talk about my jeans??

 

Eyes on your own paper.

Yup.

 

And you are always dressed very prettily, the couple times I've seen you IRL, so pttthhhth to those people who think you should wear jeans!

[Baseball mom]

Truly...eyes on your own plates, people! I'm sorry that happened to you. As a not-thin person, I know how it feels to have your plate scrutinized, and it sucks.

 

^^^ This ^^^

[Janie Grace]

I don't know why anyone thinks it's okay to comment on someone's size or eating habits regardless of their size. Seriously, just say it in your head, people.

 

Well, except when it comes to Eugenia Cooney. Someone needs to get her some help.

 

Oh wow. How sad. I have never heard of her and so I googled. Yes, she clearly needs help.

 

It bothers me a little when people comment on my food (usually expressing disbelief that I can eat the way I do and be on the thin side). It's somewhat awkward to be analyzed/scrutinized. But honestly, I feel that "thin privilege" outweighs that discomfort, so I don't dwell on it or let it bug me much. I have been thinking about this a lot lately (the feeling of "thin privilege"). I think that in a lot of settings, I am better received and taken more seriously than an overweight counterpart would be. I think that people make positive assumptions about me based on something that is mostly due to genetics. I don't think that's fair and it bothers me that I benefit from this prejudice in our society.

[mamaraby]

People are always tactless about this kind of stuff even when they solicit the information. Oh, you're vegan?!? I could never do that because bacon! That's so boring! What do you eat?!? Seriously, ha ha, you're so original. I've never heard that before. Mostly, that's kind of why I didn't offer the information. Ditto that I'm a runner in answer to a question they've asked. Why is that even controversial?

 

They are not capable of having a conversation as a friendly exchange of information so much as view everything you do as a judgement on them even if you're only answering the question they asked and do so in a way that makes clear that you're just speaking for yourself.

 

That they do this without even talking to you does not even surprise me in the slightest. This is just how people are about this sort of stuff - especially if anything you do is even the slightest bit different from what that person thinks is "normal."

Edited January 24, 2017 by mamaraby

[Pawz4me]

I'm always puzzled when someone who sees me eat once a week/month/year makes a comment on how much (or not) I'm eating and relates that to my weight. As if one meal out of a week/month/year has much effect. Critical thinking, people! America's other national deficit. ;)  

[LucyStoner]

Well, thanks for that. The post that will live in infamy.

 

This is not acrimonious exchange. This is my finding out that in a setting where I thought we were just a bunch of ladies sharing food together, there were actually numerous people remarking about my food when my back was turned. These are just a group of women with whom I've never discussed body shape in any way.

 

I don't think it's unusual to share an opinion in a post one wouldn't share IRL. I never say two words about anyone's size IRL, and I don't notice or care or look at what anyone else eats.

People communicate a lot non-verbally. Your statements on the thread made it quite clear that it was *very* important to you and you didn't understand how anyone could be overweight. Neither of those things really jive with your insistence here that you don't care about what anyone else eats or that you have never revealed these feelings anywhere besides this board.

 

If you really don't think that is a factor, great. My comment was meant to be helpful. The only person each of us we can control is ourselves and I will readily admit that when I get upset about something someone says, I find it very useful to take stock of my own actions and attitudes first.

Edited January 24, 2017 by LucyStoner

[Guest]

Oh wow. How sad. I have never heard of her and so I googled. Yes, she clearly needs help.

 

It bothers me a little when people comment on my food (usually expressing disbelief that I can eat the way I do and be on the thin side). It's somewhat awkward to be analyzed/scrutinized. But honestly, I feel that "thin privilege" outweighs that discomfort, so I don't dwell on it or let it bug me much. I have been thinking about this a lot lately (the feeling of "thin privilege"). I think that in a lot of settings, I am better received and taken more seriously than an overweight counterpart would be. I think that people make positive assumptions about me based on something that is mostly due to genetics. I don't think that's fair and it bothers me that I benefit from this prejudice in our society.

Interesting POV. I do think there is "thin priviledge." Never much thought about it, but it is something to consider.

 

OTOH, part of what bugs me about being scrutinized is that this event or that restaurant does not speak to what I eat in my everyday life, nor how easy or difficult it actually is for me to be the size I am. I'll grant you I have a certain physiology that no doubt contributes (ectomorphic type), but it's not a total crapshoot, either. I do choose to eat and drink a certain way on purpose.

[Night Elf]

Well, even on this board I've gotten comments that my calorie requirements are too low and I should eat differently to get more calories in. I'm happy with my body. I'm not overly thin. I do not eat large amounts of food. I'm totally content with a small meal twice a day. When I eat more than that, I gain weight and that's not something I want to do. I did recently purposefully gain a few pounds but I went back to the way I was eating to maintain and I'm bouncing around. I'm sorry I ever even gave it a try!

[RoughCollie]

I don't like it when people comment on my weight or on what I eat, which they do all the time. The first thing anyone from away notices when they come to our town is how many obese people there are. My doc says our county is in the top 3 in the US. Whether it is or not, everyone thinks I am too thin, don't eat enough, will become seriously ill, and so forth.

 

They watch me eat and comment on my choices. I eat breakfast at a diner with a large group of friends every 2 weeks. I order the same thing every time -- 2 eggs, 2 toast, 2 bacon, hash browns. This is a meal I look forward to. From what my friends say, it is the only healthy meal I have ... ever!

 

Because they are truly worried, I am pleasant about it -- I reassure them that I am fine.

 

My BMI is 19.8, and my physicians are happy with it. I think most people here (who have lived here all their lives) have a different view of what constitutes being overweight. Kind of like how some people who have fat dogs and don't realize their dogs are fat. That size dog has become normal to them. Because I am not super thin.

 

 

[Janie Grace]

OTOH, part of what bugs me about being scrutinized is that this event or that restaurant does not speak to what I eat in my everyday life, nor how easy or difficult it actually is for me to be the size I am. I'll grant you I have a certain physiology that no doubt contributes (ectomorphic type), but it's not a total crapshoot, either. I do choose to eat and drink a certain way on purpose.

 

Yes, me too. But I also think that even the psychology that allows me to maintain my weight is a gift and not a proof of my own superiority. I am not drawn to emotional eating, though I certainly numb myself in other unhealthy ways (like binge internet surfing). My personality is drawn to structure and self-control; I actually enjoy the feeling of being balanced in this area and dislike the feeling of overindulgence. My family of origin was not characterized by any food/weight fixations. I see other people who struggle with their weight due to some of the above issues, and I feel compassionate and thankful that I don't have this specific struggle. Not because I'm better but because I'm lucky. 

[Guest]

People communicate a lot non-verbally. Your statements on the thread made it quite clear that it was *very* important to you and you didn't understand how anyone could be overweight. Neither of those things doesn't really jive with your insistence here that you don't care about what anyone else eats or that you have never revealed these feelings anywhere besides this board.

 

If you really don't think that is a factor, great. My comment was meant to be helpful. The only person we can control is ourself and I will readily admit that when I get upset about something someone says, I find it very useful to take stock of my own actions and attitudes first.

Okay, well. It's certainly possible I give off a fat-is-bad vibe. But it's also possible that some bigger people are a lot more focused on my food and my size than I am and it leads them to comment when my back is turned, either because it solidifies their belief that I'm magically thin despite eating cream puffs, or because I ate little and they feel confirmed that I can only be small by starving.

 

That's what I meant by saying I'm oblivious as usual. It took me by horrified surprise to learn that people were watching my plate when I thought we were just a nice bunch of ladies sharing snacks together.

[Arcadia]

I am short and small build. People (strangers and acquaintances) have offered me free food thinking that I lack the money to buy food. However they have not seen me eating.

 

My extended family has so many picky eaters that our pickiness has been blamed many times for our being skinny. Being a picky eater myself, I am used to people commenting on what I eat and the amount of green tea or coffee I consumed in a meal. Maybe strangers comment about what my family eat since my husband is skinny. I have long gave up caring and am more of disinterested or amused.

[CindyH in NC]

It has just come to my attention that some bigger people do not realize that thin women also don't wish to have their plates/dinner/whatever commented on. See, there's a can't-do-right issue here. If a thin person piles their plate with delectables, the commentary is, "Well, isn't it nice to eat like that and still be thin!" If she eats like a bird for any reason, she must have an eating disorder.

 

I realize once again that I am a person with no artifice. I don't craft an image of myself at all. I don't pay attention to what other ladies eat no matter how big or small they may be. I'm a little butt-hurt right now because I just learned that my eating does, in fact, draw commentary that I was unaware of. So now I don't want to eat in that setting ever again, except that I know that will still generate commentary because then they will be talking about my lack of eating.

 

Also, I am moody today and have Current Menstrual Syndrome, CMS.

I agree that as a thin person, one can never win.  I was very thin as a teen and young adult ( not now unfortunately;-), and my 19 yr old dd is super thin. I found out over the holiday break that the class she struggled in during her first semester of college was partly due to her not knowing how to deal with a person or two who felt that they could speak to her about her size. 

 

She has several health problems and doesn't feel that she needs to explain this everyone. Several times the person/people tried to speak to her or pass her info on anorexia during or before class.  She was given thumbs up when eating a snack in the class which overlapped lunch time.  Both of these embarrassed her and that was not the first time ( by a long shot) that people assumed she has anorexia.  I tried to tell her that at least the other girls were watching out for their fellow students, but over the past few years she has gotten touchy about her size and eating habits. 

 

Before she started having heath issues (she is just naturally thin), her general practitioner just knew that's how she was built.  After seeing many doctors and specialists, she has an aversion to having things assumed about her by looking at her size.  She understands why the doctors assume that she may have issues, but she would be very happy to never discuss her weight again. 

 

All types of weight issues can be painful for people, and I agree with others above that mentioning what others eat is rude at best. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't notice shi* like that, but yeah who wants commentary on their food.  Not me either. 

 

Some people are weird... 

[happypamama]

People are rude. They never learned the rule of keeping your mouth shut if you can't say something nice. I honestly generally don't notice what people do or don't eat, or at least I don't notice how much. I might notice if they have something that looks especially yummy because I like yummy food myself and might want to know what they are having so I can get myself a serving.

 

And as far as noticing clothing, if you've got a cute skirt or blouse on, I might notice, and that's really about it.

 

I'm short. Barely five feet tall. I get comments on being short. It's annoying. Maybe that's why I keep my hair crazy long, because it gives people something else to comment on. (I very often hear little girls whisper or comment on it, which is the cutest thing.)

[MamaBearTeacher]

I have found that the people who have commented on my eating, called me anorexic or too thin, scrutinized my body or insulted my body are usually people who have never taken the time to get to know me as a person.  They are not caring or concerned.  They are usually shallow people of the bullying type.

 

Calling someone anorexic, "skinny", a "stick" or unhealthy is not a compliment and it is just as bad as calling someone fat.  My doctors have always said I was healthy, my weight falls in the middle of the healthy range and that is what should matter.  Staring at a women's body in order to analyze it when you hardly talk to her is perverted and weird.  

(Not directed at boards, none of whom I have met in real life, but rather just a rant).

[Guest]

I've probably been guilty of it in the past without realizing it, but I try really, really hard to only comment on how delicious food looks and nothing about the quantity of it or who is eating it. I've been on the receiving end of rude food comments and they totally cut both ways :(

[Guest]

People are rude. They never learned the rule of keeping your mouth shut if you can't say something nice. I honestly generally don't notice what people do or don't eat, or at least I don't notice how much. I might notice if they have something that looks especially yummy because I like yummy food myself and might want to know what they are having so I can get myself a serving.

 

And as far as noticing clothing, if you've got a cute skirt or blouse on, I might notice, and that's really about it.

 

I'm short. Barely five feet tall. I get comments on being short. It's annoying. Maybe that's why I keep my hair crazy long, because it gives people something else to comment on. (I very often hear little girls whisper or comment on it, which is the cutest thing.)

You do have such beautiful long hair. :)

 

And thankfully, I didn't feel any WTM moms (or dads or sons) scrutinized my eating when we have gotten together, IRL. And if anybody did, please don't tell me; I don't want to know! :)

 

P.S. I would happily have eaten the whole jar of MomsintheGarden's red pepper jelly, so if we meet up again and she brings that jelly, just know I'm eating twenty crackers with it. :D

[SparklyUnicorn]

 

I'm short. Barely five feet tall. I get comments on being short. It's annoying. Maybe that's why I keep my hair crazy long, because it gives people something else to comment on. (I very often hear little girls whisper or comment on it, which is the cutest thing.)

 

Interestingly I feel proud of my height.  Not that I had anything to do with it.  But it's like something that sets me apart.  I was really upset when I got to high school and there was one girl who was the same height.  Hehe..

 

I also have good hair.  Used to be very long.  I keep it shorter these days.  Not short, but shorter than it used to be.

[Outdoorsy Type]

I remember those type of comments, but they were more of a compliment. Like I deserved to eat more because I was thin! Now I'm overweight and get mostly veiled comments about not eating too much. 🙄 It's a thousand times worse than any thin comments I received. I hate eating around those people who comment on weight/food.

[Garga]

People are rude. They never learned the rule of keeping your mouth shut if you can't say something nice. I honestly generally don't notice what people do or don't eat, or at least I don't notice how much. I might notice if they have something that looks especially yummy because I like yummy food myself and might want to know what they are having so I can get myself a serving.

 

And as far as noticing clothing, if you've got a cute skirt or blouse on, I might notice, and that's really about it.

 

I'm short. Barely five feet tall. I get comments on being short. It's annoying. Maybe that's why I keep my hair crazy long, because it gives people something else to comment on. (I very often hear little girls whisper or comment on it, which is the cutest thing.)

 

I love it when you and I get out together for dinner with friends.  We order a TON of food and no one cares.  Appetizers, main dishes, desserts--no comments from anybody about who is eating too much or too little.  

 

And there is a wiiiide range of sizes and clothing choices and hair choices among us all and it doesn't matter.  We come clothed in something, we eat or we don't eat, and no one says a word about it.  Refreshing.  

 

 

 

You do have such beautiful long hair. :)

 

And thankfully, I didn't feel any WTM moms (or dads or sons) scrutinized my eating when we have gotten together, IRL. And if anybody did, please don't tell me; I don't want to know! :)

 

P.S. I would happily have eaten the whole jar of MomsintheGarden's red pepper jelly, so if we meet up again and she brings that jelly, just know I'm eating twenty crackers with it. :D

 

 

At the WTM meetups, I'm just so thrilled to see everyone in person that I don't notice who is eating what.  I'm busy trying to listen in on the 3 different conversations that are going at the same time so I don't miss out on anything good.  

Edited January 24, 2017 by Garga

[El...]

Or, The comments I get are usually the opposite: Due to incredible stress right now, I am barely able to eat. I'm pretty tired of making noncommittal noises when people say, "No wonder you're so thin. You don't eat." Almost like it's a compliment, sometimes. Or, "I wish I could eat like that."

 

No, you really don't. Believe me, I would love to sit down and really enjoy a full meal or a piece of cheesecake again without feeling like I am eating sawdust. But I don't feel like explaining that my stomach is constantly in knots as I try to keep life from falling apart.

:grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

[BarbecueMom]

I get comments about how much I'm not-eating in public, too. And I'm not even that thin, more like smack-down-the-middle average.

 

No, I don't want a full meal.

Yes, just water is fine.

No, I do not have an appetite.

Yes, I will be very nauseous or get sick if I eat a normal portion.

No, I'm not bulimic, I have severe reflux.

Yes, I've seen a doctor for that.

No, I don't want to eat overpriced food that other people have touched.

Yes, I'm aware that's indicative of anxiety.

No, I haven't seen a doctor about THAT.

 

Fortunately, I can usually cut off the Q&A session before it gets too far down that list. I'm supposed to go out for dinner and drinks and dessert with a group this weekend and I'm dreading it.

[Guest]

I get comments about how much I'm not-eating in public, too. And I'm not even that thin, more like smack-down-the-middle average.

 

No, I don't want a full meal.

Yes, just water is fine.

No, I do not have an appetite.

Yes, I will be very nauseous or get sick if I eat a normal portion.

No, I'm not bulimic, I have severe reflux.

Yes, I've seen a doctor for that.

No, I don't want to eat overpriced food that other people have touched.

Yes, I'm aware that's indicative of anxiety.

No, I haven't seen a doctor about THAT.

 

Fortunately, I can usually cut off the Q&A session before it gets too far down that list. I'm supposed to go out for dinner and drinks and dessert with a group this weekend and I'm dreading it.

That stinks. :(

[gardenmom5]

I had a dd who was super skinny as a teen.  you could watch the muscles in her back ripple.  she grazed - and she came that way.  I became more aware of the comments people made.  she's still thin - but she's also never been pg.  and she's very active.

 

I've seen a lot of
i hate you, you're disgusting, etc. directed at very thin women.  it's jealousy, and it's ugly.

 

conversely (and perversely) . . . my sil is obese. (at least at one point - +300lbs)  I am sick to death of every time we are there,  she makes some comment about the fitness club she goes to, and how she's a better person than  __ because she works out. how small the seats are on airplanes.  what the latest diet plan she's doing, what new piece of fitness equipment she has . . . I'm SICK OF IT!!!!!  I spend far less time i her company than I used to.  I may have said something ONCE - 20+ years ago when her HUSBAND made some snide comment about "watch out for the whale" when she was diving in to the pool.  he thought it was funny.  I thought it was disgusting.  he still makes those comments. 

eta: he was referring to the amount of water displacement/splash when she dove in - and yeah . . . it was quite the splash.  I don't like being the water when she jumps in - it's easy to just be somewhere else.

I'm sick of listening to her constantly harping on how fat she is.  (her words.)  or else she is very pious about how healthy she is eating, and not eating what everyone else is eating. and what health club she belongs to . . .
 

Oh wow. How sad. I have never heard of her and so I googled. Yes, she clearly needs help.

 

It bothers me a little when people comment on my food (usually expressing disbelief that I can eat the way I do and be on the thin side). It's somewhat awkward to be analyzed/scrutinized. But honestly, I feel that "thin privilege" outweighs that discomfort, so I don't dwell on it or let it bug me much. I have been thinking about this a lot lately (the feeling of "thin privilege"). I think that in a lot of settings, I am better received and taken more seriously than an overweight counterpart would be. I think that people make positive assumptions about me based on something that is mostly due to genetics. I don't think that's fair and it bothers me that I benefit from this prejudice in our society.

 

when karen carpenter first hit the big time -she was chubby, and had spent time trying to lose weight - but in a healthy manner under dr supervision.  she was maybe 19/20?ish? lots of comments in the media about how "fat" she was. at one point, she weighed 84 lbs.  she died from complications of anorexia at 32.

 

 

Edited January 24, 2017 by gardenmom5

[FaithManor]

I do no socializing anymore that is centered around food. I had to when I had the event planning business but now that it is closed, I am free! I can go to the funeral but not the luncheon, the ceremony but not the reception, warn the birthday hosts that the timing is unfortunate for us so will be very late thus avoiding the food part of the event, etc. Very freeing.

[Guest]

I do no socializing anymore that is centered around food. I had to when I had the event planning business but now that it is closed, I am free! I can go to the funeral but not the luncheon, the ceremony but not the reception, warn the birthday hosts that the timing is unfortunate for us so will be very late thus avoiding the food part of the event, etc. Very freeing.

That makes me sad, though. A lot of (American, anyway) socializing is around food. OTOH, I can see taking measures to not be around social eating. I already feel like never eating with those ladies in that setting again because it's ruined for me. I can't sit there and think we're having a nice day; I will be wondering if she was one of the scrutinizers, or [/i]she[/i] was, or maybe it was all of them...

[PrincessMommy]

What do you mean by this? Are you saying some people are just waiting to comment on other people's meals? Or that the thin person is expecting commentary?

 

Because I'm the thinner person that is apparently garnering comments I was unaware of.

 

I'm saying that for some people it is a thing.  I'm like you.  I don't notice that stuff, but others seem to feel the need to notice *and* comment.  

[Guest]

I'm saying that for some people it is a thing. I'm like you. I don't notice that stuff, but others seem to feel the need to notice *and* comment.

I don't like that this happens. I was happier not knowing that anyone said a thing. I wish I could go back to oblivon. Now I'm starting to think Faith has the right idea and it would be preferable not to eat socially at all.

[SereneHome]

Somewhere along the way people completely lost any sense of tact, manners and common courtesy.  What is appropriate to say and what is not.

 

Whether it's in regards to food, clothing, number of children, marital status, jobs, anything and everything.   Nothing is sacred.  Nothing is private.  There are no filters.  We think we are entitled to have the information.  About everyone and everything. 

 

And I think we are  to blame for this.  

[Ausmumof3]

It hurts either way. I must confess to occasionally checking out what skinny people eat. This is not to judge or comment but cause I'm always trying to figure out what the heck they are doing that I'm not. And trust me, the comments the other way are pretty awkward too. The ones I've heard, in my skinny days "when I see fat people I just think they have no self control". People referred to as "the whale". "The blueberry". Etc

 

Since I became fat myself I have been asked when my baby is due or "so you're having another one then?" Also "maybe you put on lots of weight because you breastfed for so long and now you've stopped you don't know how much to eat". "You give up to easily"

 

I do feel bad for you, but to be honest the ongoing experience of being overweight is a whole different thing. We actually eat fairly healthily. I have to be hungry all the time to maintain a healthy weight. At this point I feel that being a decent mum to my kids is more important than my weight. And it really is as simple as those two options.

[gardenmom5]

 

 

And as far as noticing clothing, if you've got a cute skirt or blouse on, I might notice, and that's really about it.

 

I'm short. Barely five feet tall. I get comments on being short. It's annoying. Maybe that's why I keep my hair crazy long, because it gives people something else to comment on. (I very often hear little girls whisper or comment on it, which is the cutest thing.)

I agree with the clothing thing. . .eta: I'll say it's cute

 

1dd is about 5'4".  2dd ... is nearly as tall as 1ds (so,  5'11"ish+), and both are a good two inches taller than dh.

1dd's hair . . . .grows super fast, and is very thick.  dh teases her that it's so heavy it weighed her down and that's why she's short.  (in high school - she could sit on it.  four years ago, it was chin length and she decided she wanted it long again.  it's not quite long enough to sit on - but should be by spring/summer.  she's very proud of her hair.  I found out yesterday she feels very like "odd man out" due to her hair.  it's an unusual shade of red.  (same as dh's) I suggested she go to one of the redhead conventions, where everyone else will have red hair.  she liked that idea.

oh - and like weight . .  the *comments* she would get.  for pity's sake people . . . .

Edited January 24, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Peaceseeker]

If women spent as much energy on solving the world's problems as they do obsessing about food and body image, I think we could create utopia.

 

Being overweight, underweight, the 'perfect weight' is not what defines a woman. I wish more women could see past their jean size in how they view themselves. I think it is so sad. Every time I see a weight watchers commercial with Oprah I just want to scream. Like, everything you have done and we are still talking about your weight? Why Oprah, why? (Ok off my feminist rant- I am sure she is making lots of money off the topic but I still find myself arguing with the TV...)

 

What happened with these women says much more about them than it does about you.

Edited January 24, 2017 by CoffeeMama11