PSA: Thin People Also May Not Like It When You Comment On Their Food

[Audrey]

Well... your friends are rude, even if they don't think they were. This is one of those teachable moments, though. Now you know how shitty it feels to have someone judge your food and body choices. Next time it happens to you or someone else in your vicinity, you have the opportunity to step up and say that's not okay, spread a little awareness and provide a much more appropriate teachable moment for someone else.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I get comments about how much I'm not-eating in public, too. And I'm not even that thin, more like smack-down-the-middle average.

 

No, I don't want a full meal.

Yes, just water is fine.

No, I do not have an appetite.

Yes, I will be very nauseous or get sick if I eat a normal portion.

No, I'm not bulimic, I have severe reflux.

Yes, I've seen a doctor for that.

No, I don't want to eat overpriced food that other people have touched.

Yes, I'm aware that's indicative of anxiety.

No, I haven't seen a doctor about THAT.

 

Fortunately, I can usually cut off the Q&A session before it gets too far down that list. I'm supposed to go out for dinner and drinks and dessert with a group this weekend and I'm dreading it.

 

This sounds like what goes on when I eat at my MILs or out at a restaurant with my MIL.  Thank goodness I do not have to do either of those things very often.  Really food stuff with her is a nightmare.

 

She is so bad.  As an example, one of my kids buttered his roll and she said he should put more butter on it.  He said no thanks.  He was polite about it.  He said that's the amount he wanted.  So she grabbed the roll out of his hands and slathered three times more butter on it.  He was crying (he's 11).  She is like this with food.  She literally tries to force feed people to eat more.  I've never seen anything like it.  And if you don't eat more she goes on and on and on about it.  Of course she doesn't grab my food from me like that, but she might as well because she won't SHUT UP. 

[Quill]

It hurts either way. I must confess to occasionally checking out what skinny people eat. This is not to judge or comment but cause I'm always trying to figure out what the heck they are doing that I'm not. And trust me, the comments the other way are pretty awkward too. The ones I've heard, in my skinny days "when I see fat people I just think they have no self control". People referred to as "the whale". "The blueberry". Etc

 

Since I became fat myself I have been asked when my baby is due or "so you're having another one then?" Also "maybe you put on lots of weight because you breastfed for so long and now you've stopped you don't know how much to eat". "You give up to easily"

 

I do feel bad for you, but to be honest the ongoing experience of being overweight is a whole different thing. We actually eat fairly healthily. I have to be hungry all the time to maintain a healthy weight. At this point I feel that being a decent mum to my kids is more important than my weight. And it really is as simple as those two options.

But what someone eats at an event or a restaurant most likely does not represent what they eat or how they eat in their everyday life. So looking at what a thin woman eats at a picnic tells you nothing about why they are thin, just as looking at what a bigger woman eats at that venue may also not represent her everyday eating tendencies.

[Plink]

I don't know why anyone thinks it's okay to comment on someone's size or eating habits regardless of their size. Seriously, just say it in your head, people.

 

Well, except when it comes to Eugenia Cooney. Someone needs to get her some help.

Please, please, please keep you opinions about other people's size and/or eating habits to yourself unless you are in the position (mom/spouse) to get them into treatment. Even then, comments need to be very carefully crafted. Examining an anorexic's plate will not encourage them to eat. It will stop them dead in their tracks. If the poor thing is actually beginning to recover from anorexia, your comments (good or bad) about their body may jeopardize their recovery and their health. Drawing attention to a small person's frame will only make them self conscious, and no, it isn't a compliment regardless of your intention.

 

Find something else to talk about. Other people's bodies and eating habits should be off limits.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Or, The comments I get are usually the opposite: Due to incredible stress right now, I am barely able to eat. I'm pretty tired of making noncommittal noises when people say, "No wonder you're so thin. You don't eat." Almost like it's a compliment, sometimes. Or, "I wish I could eat like that."

 

No, you really don't. Believe me, I would love to sit down and really enjoy a full meal or a piece of cheesecake again without feeling like I am eating sawdust. But I don't feel like explaining that my stomach is constantly in knots as I try to keep life from falling apart.

:grouphug:

This! I think people are working out whatever their issues may be but I wish they'd hire a therapist and leave me alone. Stress is ruining my appetite too. This week I was told I " look like a tootsie pop." Not complimentary. Did I want to explain it all? No. Did I feel up to more confrontation? No. Etiquette and manners were created for a reason folks.

[SparklyUnicorn]

But what someone eats at an event or a restaurant most likely does not represent what they eat or how they eat in their everyday life. So looking at what a thin woman eats at a picnic tells you nothing about why they are thin, just as looking at what a bigger woman eats at that venue may also not represent her everyday eating tendencies.

 

Exactly.  And who knows what is going on with them at that moment.  Not hungry, don't like the food, not feeling well, etc.  Don't know why people need to scrutinize what others eat or don't eat. 

 

I eat low carb 99% of the time.  At a picnic there may be nothing low carb.  So if I eat something it doesn't represent what I usually eat.

[Quill]

Well... your friends are rude, even if they don't think they were. This is one of those teachable moments, though. Now you know how shitty it feels to have someone judge your food and body choices. Next time it happens to you or someone else in your vicinity, you have the opportunity to step up and say that's not okay, spread a little awareness and provide a much more appropriate teachable moment for someone else.

In a way, that is what happened in this case, because the person who told me about the food commentators said she never thought about or realized that a thin person would not like comments over her food or thinness, just as a bigger person wouldn't. That is why I titled my post the way I did.

 

I'm betting my friend who told me also has no idea how aggitated I am about it.

[EmseB]

It is so awkward   "I wish I could eat like that and be skinny," or the "I hate you," said in jest, but still, what do you say to that?

 

I got fed up with the comments from two people in particular that I knew, and I said something sarcastically that I shouldn't have.  They were asking me how I could eat whatever it was I was eating and still be skinny, and I said, "Oh, it's easy, I just throw it all up afterwards."  They were horrified, I think because they couldn't tell if I was joking or not.  Still, they never said anything to me about food again after weeks of making comments on it.

[FaithManor]

:grouphug:

This! I think people are working out whatever their issues may be but I wish they'd hire a therapist and leave me alone. Stress is ruining my appetite too. This week I was told I " look like a tootsie pop." Not complimentary. Did I want to explain it all? No. Did I feel up to more confrontation? No. Etiquette and manners were created for a reason folks.

THIS!

 

And I am about to beg all the major "trend setting" websites and bloggers to start the Victorian notion again that only the weather, music, art, fashion, architecture, literature, and agriculture may be discussed. I think Victorian etiquette also indicated that it was the height of rudeness to make a comment under one's breath or comment directly on the food or the consumption thereof except in the positive.

 

A few Victorian manners wouldn't hurt our culture at this point!

[Lady Florida.]

I don't give people the credit of trying to be friendly. I've had all the following said to me:

 

"You make me sick."

 

"I hate you, *itch."

 

"You do know men like actual curves, right?"

 

"Stop making the rest of us look bad, traitor."

 

"OMG, you have gotten even thinner and it looks horrible. You look sick."

 

"Do you even eat?"

 

 

 

 

I'm no longer thin, but I was for most of my life and I've heard all of those, except for the last one. I was able to eat as much as I wanted without putting on weight, which drew even more "I hate you" comments.

 

 I also had a teacher - a nun - who told skinny jokes at my expense. She would ask me over and over if I had to run around in the shower to get wet. She'd tell me to stand up and turn sideways and stick out my tongue. She wanted to see if I look like a zipper. She'd laugh each time as though it was a new "joke".

 

Kids played with part of my name to call me maypole because I was as skinny as a pole.

 

It's hurtful. 

[Scarlett]

THIS!

 

And I am about to beg all the major "trend setting" websites and bloggers to start the Victorian notion again that only the weather, music, art, fashion, architecture, literature, and agriculture may be discussed. I think Victorian etiquette also indicated that it was the height of rudeness to make a comment under one's breath or comment directly on the food or the consumption thereof except in the positive.

 

A few Victorian manners wouldn't hurt our culture at this point!

 

 

And that would be the end of the Chat forum!

[Mergath]

Please, please, please keep you opinions about other people's size and/or eating habits to yourself unless you are in the position (mom/spouse) to get them into treatment. Even then, comments need to be very carefully crafted. Examining an anorexic's plate will not encourage them to eat. It will stop them dead in their tracks. If the poor thing is actually beginning to recover from anorexia, your comments (good or bad) about their body may jeopardize their recovery and their health. Drawing attention to a small person's frame will only make them self conscious, and no, it isn't a compliment regardless of your intention.

 

Find something else to talk about. Other people's bodies and eating habits should be off limits.

 

Eugenia Cooney runs a youtube channel and Instagram account intended to promote anorexia to young girls. I would never say anything about someone else, but with her, I have a serious problem.

[Plink]

Eugenia Cooney runs a youtube channel and Instagram account intended to promote anorexia to young girls. I would never say anything about someone else, but with her, I have a serious problem.

Dysmorphia feeds off of the attention of others, both good and bad.  You will not help her by increasing awareness of her channel.  Complain to you-tube if you'd like, but talking/chatting-online about her body actually hurts rather than helps.

 

PS - My tone is coming across really snippy and cross.  Not sure how to fix that, and I apologize.  My intention is to share information, not to bite your head off.

[Mergath]

Dysmorphia feeds off of the attention of others, both good and bad.  You will not help her by increasing awareness of her channel.  Complain to you-tube if you'd like, but talking/chatting-online about her body actually hurts rather than helps.

 

PS - My tone is coming across really snippy and cross.  Not sure how to fix that, and I apologize.  My intention is to share information, not to bite your head off.

 

Somehow, I doubt she's going to come across me mentioning her name on a homeschool forum. And I'm more concerned with making parents aware so they can keep their kids away from her channel than I am with hurting her feelings.

 

I probably sound snippy too. I'm not trying to- I'm still caffeinating this morning and I'm can't interact normally until after I've had a full cup of coffee, lol.

 

[Bambam]

I think commenting on anyone's food choices or amount is extremely tacky. You can say, "Oh, that looks delicious" or, "What did you order?". That's it.

 

I can comment on my kid's food. That's it. They cannot comment on my food. 

 

Mind your own business when eating.

 

There are advantages to being oblivious and hanging out with like-minded oblivious friends. Or maybe people who are just busy paying attention to things that matter. 

 

[Quill]

I think commenting on anyone's food choices or amount is extremely tacky. You can say, "Oh, that looks delicious" or, "What did you order?". That's it.

 

I can comment on my kid's food. That's it. They cannot comment on my food.

 

Mind your own business when eating.

 

There are advantages to being oblivious and hanging out with like-minded oblivious friends. Or maybe people who are just busy paying attention to things that matter.

Right. There is a different group of ladies with who, I eat regularly. AFAIK, nobody comments on anybody's food type or amount, except to say it looks yummy or to talk about a particular feature, such as being GF or vegan or whatever. If anyone is stabbing anyone else in the back when they go to the bathroom, it would habe to be me because I have never heard a negative comment about another's eating in that group. Thank God.

[MomsintheGarden]

You do have such beautiful long hair. :)

 

And thankfully, I didn't feel any WTM moms (or dads or sons) scrutinized my eating when we have gotten together, IRL. And if anybody did, please don't tell me; I don't want to know! :)

 

P.S. I would happily have eaten the whole jar of MomsintheGarden's red pepper jelly, so if we meet up again and she brings that jelly, just know I'm eating twenty crackers with it. :D

You are sweet!  It is fun to make, and I will be sure to bring it next time.  I certainly didn't notice anything about who was eating what at the meetup, although I really enjoyed the food.  We had everything from cheese and crackers to an Instantpot demo.  Even if I had wanted to, I would have been too busy trying to figure out who belonged to which screen name.  That was fun.

 

What I remember about one of the meetups was your chocolate cupcakes.  They are amazing!

Edited January 24, 2017 by MomsintheGarden

[Quill]

You are sweet! It is fun to make, and I will be sure to bring it next time. I certainly didn't notice anything about who was eating what at the meetup, although I really enjoyed the food. We had everything from cheese and crackers to an Instantpot demo. Even if I had wanted to, I would have been too busy trying to figure out who belonged to which screen name. That was fun.

 

What I remember about one of the meetups was your chocolate cupcakes. They are amazing!

Thank you. :) Hersheys Perfectly Chocolate Cupcakes. It had to be Hersheys, in honor of our Pennsylvania members.

[Alexigail]

My go-to for situations like this is "What a strange thing to say," and then walk away.