Yet another difference in being a teenager now vs. when I was young

[Tap]

Tonight, dd and I were at Victoria's Secret shopping.  She happened to run into a guy friend who she is good friends with. She ended up helping him pick out a bunch of panties for a girl who happens to be a teammate of hers.  I asked her who he was buying them for...a girl friend or just a friend (just normal chit chat between dd and I). She told me ' friend', and I commented back that it seems like kind of an odd gift. To which she informed it, it was a very, very common gift from a teen guy to a girl.  LOL   She said it was super common in fact. LOL  

 

I got lots of roses as a teen, but never the 7/$27 Victoria's Secret panty deal.  LOL  That seems like it would be kinda odd to explain to your parents.  My daughter does her own laundry so I wouldn't notice, but I know lots of moms who still do their teens laundry. 

 

 

 

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a coworker. She said her 18yo daughter wasn't allowed to buy thong underwear, because the mom didn't want guys to get the wrong idea about her daughter.  I told her that if a guy was seeing her dd in her underwear...... that the style of underwear is not what he is thinking about.  :001_tt1:

Edited November 10, 2016 by Tap

[Liz CA]

Oh my. Yes, times have changed.

[Crimson Wife]

I'm thinking it's a "friends with benefits" situation. Which is definitely way more common now, though it wasn't totally unheard of back in the '90's when I was in high school.

 

Totally Platonic friends probably aren't going to be giving gifts of VS undies.

[Tap]

I'm thinking it's a "friends with benefits" situation. Which is definitely way more common now, though it wasn't totally unheard of back in the '90's when I was in high school.

 

Totally Platonic friends probably aren't going to be giving gifts of VS undies.

LOL yeah, or a 'suggestion' type gift LOL 

[marbel]

My daughter and I were in a VS one day and there was a group of teens in there - boys and girls - all browsing and commenting on the goods.  She and I both found it surprising, not in a good way.  Of course everyone wears underwear, so in that way it's not a big deal, but it still made me uncomfortable.  I don't really care to have my daughter's friends thinking about which bra and pantie set she's wearing on a particular day.   (My daughter also thought it was an odd way to spend time, as a group of friends.) 

[Guest]

When i was a teen, one didnt spend locker room time noting underwear choices, but it is definitely different now in an era where underwear is part of the fashion ensemble.

[EmseB]

Um, what? That sounds super creepy.

 

And creepy that it is common.

 

Who wants their guy friends in their underwear drawer?

[alisoncooks]

:scared:  :scared:

 

Wow.  I wonder if these young men's mothers know they are buying underwear for young ladies?

[UCF612]

Interesting...I did not know that was a thing. I would have been embarrassed by that as a teen but I also wasn't very popular with the boys in high school (or college for that matter).

[Scarlett]

That is weirdest thing I have heard in a long time.

[TravelingChris]

Never seen that.  Older daughter does go shopping at V+S/  Younger buys at Target and at Belk.  She goes with me since I pay.  

[Seasider]

Oh yes, my mother's instructions to me were never to buy clothing gifts for a guy until we were engaged or married, because it's an "intimate" gift. Times have changed. A little too much, IMO, if teenage acquaintances are casually purchasing lacy lingerie gifts. But I'm old.

[MercyA]

No.

[Seasider]

Um, what? That sounds super creepy.

 

And creepy that it is common.

 

Who wants their guy friends in their underwear drawer?

Well, I am wondering if maybe it wasn't actually for someone else's drawer.

[Tap]

Well, I am wondering if maybe it wasn't actually for someone else's drawer.

They were XS, so definitely not his size, (and not my dds either) so....I am guessing they really were for the person dd told me they were for (who would wear and XS). LOL  interesting thought though. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

what the....hell I don't even want DH to buy my underwear

 

LOL

 

 

[goldberry]

 

Totally Platonic friends probably aren't going to be giving gifts of VS undies.

 

This.  No way.

[DawnM]

My sons will not be buying any girls any underwear unless they are married to said girl.  Nope, not happening.

[Guest]

My sons will not be buying any girls any underwear unless they are married to said girl. Nope, not happening.

Amen, I keep thinking I must be some sort of crazy prude to think the entire thing is horribly inappropriate. I'd probably have a hard time preventing myself from dragging my daughter away with some choice comments about how inappropriate the entire thing was to be discussed, even platonically. But I think undergarments are private and gifting them is an intimate, close act, like in a bridal shower or from one romantic partner to another.

 

But then again I'm totally not comfortable with high schoolers having sexual arrangements with one another either, it didn't go well for me or most of the other kids I know who went there, so I'm probably biased :(. Why would a platonic friendship between a boy and girl involve underwear shopping?

Edited November 11, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[mamakelly]

Oh my word. No way. No how. That is not appropriate.

[bettyandbob]

I would not assume "friends with benefits" or other. Teens really do interact differently today (and yet are very similar). I spend a lot of time with teens unrelated to me so I see this.

 

At the same time, as a parent I would not want my DC to give or receive such things. And I would tell them why I think it's inappropriate if the topic came up.

 

I know my DD would be completely uncomfortable if a young man gave her underwear. other kids not so much. And DD knows others would not be bothered.

 

I wonder-- those of you who say "my ds/dd won't be doing that" how do you know. In the OP, the young man was at the mall by himself and saw the OPs dd. Until what age are you closely monitoring all activity and combing through purchases and gifts to others. The OPs dd is a senior in high school, probably 17 or 18 I think.

Edited November 10, 2016 by Diana P.

[Jen500]

My teen boys have bought gifts for girls and they've always chosen things like specific books or something related to what the girl likes. Nothing close to underwear. I've suggested more 'girly' things to them (jewelry, lip gloss, etc) and the response is always NOOOOOOOO

[Liz CA]

Well, I am wondering if maybe it wasn't actually for someone else's drawer.

 

Ack, ack. :lol:

[Crimson Wife]

I would not assume "friends with benefits" or other. Teens really do interact differently today (and yet are very similar). I spend a lot of time with teens unrelated to me so I see this.

 

How would you know the specific nature of a friendship between particular teen boy and teen girl? I can't imagine most teens who are casually hooking up with a "friend" are going around sharing that information with adults.

[bettyandbob]

How would you know the specific nature of a friendship between particular teen boy and teen girl? I can't imagine most teens who are casually hooking up with a "friend" are going around sharing that information with adults.

I've worked at rec centers for several years and have had many young co-workers. It's amazing what my young co-workers share. It's a unique position because I know they aren't telling their parents most of the stuff they banter about. Most of it is harmless. If it's not I try to say something. I recall being young and not comfortable talking to my parents. I'm glad there was one or two adults I had the opportunity to talk to.

[Slache]

I wish I hadn't opened this thread. We're moving to an island.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I guess I will add this to the list of things to teach my boys. "Son, don't even think of buying underwear for anyone but your wife." Okay, maybe there could be an exception for a gag gift in there, but sexy underwear for a female friend? Nope!

[Anne in CA]

Social media has changed all levels of privacy regarding what young people share.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My teen boys have bought gifts for girls and they've always chosen things like specific books or something related to what the girl likes. Nothing close to underwear. I've suggested more 'girly' things to them (jewelry, lip gloss, etc) and the response is always NOOOOOOOO

 

I wouldn't want jewelry or lip gloss.

 

But I'm not super girly.

[bettyandbob]

Social media has changed all levels of privacy regarding what young people share.

This.

 

My DD shares very little, but she has friends who post stuff without any thought filter at all.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Oh, my!  Even my own husband wouldn't buy me underwear.  He's such a geek that he would embarrassed going into a Victoria's Secret.  Totally OT:  I don't particularly like the place, mostly because of the gigantic semi-naked pictures of women in suggestive poses (stuff that used to in Playboy.)  Big boobies in my face makes me feel like I am in Vegas.  Not that I have a problem with lingerie stores, just the way they market their products. 

 

I must live in a bubble because dd is perfectly happy with whatever underwear I buy for her.  I recently got her some no-show panties because she wears athletic clothing 90% of the time.  She was thrilled.  My mistake was buying the same style for me in a larger size ... dh does laundry half the time and he keeps putting dd's underwear in my pile.  I suppose I should be flattered that he thinks I am that tiny. 

[Guest]

Hmm. I have teens who are not homeschooled. This is not a trend that has reached our area, I guess, because they and all their friends would die before giving/receiving unders from a pal.

[Joker]

I have two teens. One boy and one girl and both are in ps. This is not something going on here.

[RioSamba]

I have never seen or heard of this.

[DawnM]

I wonder-- those of you who say "my ds/dd won't be doing that" how do you know. In the OP, the young man was at the mall by himself and saw the OPs dd. Until what age are you closely monitoring all activity and combing through purchases and gifts to others. The OPs dd is a senior in high school, probably 17 or 18 I think.

I know because:

 

A.) All the money my kids get comes from ME

B.) Up until this week, I had no kids with driver's licenses

C.) I still pretty much know where my kids are at all times

D.) They HATE the mall. Visceral hate. They have never gone there to hang out with friends and I know that isn't where they would ever choose to go. They beg NOT to go, even when they need clothes. They prefer the stand alone stores. We have a Gap, Kohl's, and JC Penny that aren't in the mall. They will go there if they absolutely have to.

E.) As of right now, my boys are pretty open about things with me.

 

Do I absolutely know they will never, ever do this when they are in college or beyond, nope, but I do hope we have discussed appropriate and inappropriate enough for them to see it for what it is.

[Library Momma]

Girls here give that gift to each other quite a bit so if the boy is gay I don't think that would be an unusual gift.

 

If he is straight and the gift is from the VS side of the store I would think it indicates something more.

 

If it is from the PINK side of the store I'm not so sure.  Many girls here are obsessed with PINK merchandise and wear it all of the time.  They want anything from that line and the underwear deal is probably one of the most affordable options in the store.

[heartlikealion]

Common? I'm not totally buying that. Maybe common among her school mates, but overall? I admit I'm out of touch, but that's just really, really, hard to believe. Seems like something you might just say so your mom doesn't think about it too much.

 

If I was your dd I wouldn't have wanted to help the guy at all. I would have felt super uncomfortable running into a classmate in VS lol.

[Tap]

Common? I'm not totally buying that. Maybe common among her school mates, but overall? I admit I'm out of touch, but that's just really, really, hard to believe. Seems like something you might just say so your mom doesn't think about it too much.

 

If I was your dd I wouldn't have wanted to help the guy at all. I would have felt super uncomfortable running into a classmate in VS lol.

LOL over the course of an hour there (shopping and trying items on at a busy time of day), she saw about 5 friends (also part of why it took so long). 3 girls/2 guys. She knows lots of people due to diverse interests so she runs into people she knows just about everywhere we go in town. LOL None of them seem uncomfortable running into each other.  I don't think there is the stigma to underwear like there used to be for most people, especially the younger crowd.  I am sure there are still lots who are quite modest, but just not like it used to be. 

 

I can't say it is is common all over the USA, but I see guys shopping in VS/Pink almost every single time I am in there.  There were a minimum of 8 guys in there during our shopping trip.  It is very, very common to see guys in there around our area. 

[Tap]

Girls here give that gift to each other quite a bit so if the boy is gay I don't think that would be an unusual gift.

 

If he is straight and the gift is from the VS side of the store I would think it indicates something more.

 

If it is from the PINK side of the store I'm not so sure.  Many girls here are obsessed with PINK merchandise and wear it all of the time.  They want anything from that line and the underwear deal is probably one of the most affordable options in the store.

Our VS/Pink share space. Two store fronts, but connected on the inside. So, during the panty sales, there are often times when you can mix/match between the brands (as it was during this sale).  I think it is more common to see teen guys in VS with this store model than when they have separate stores. DD prefers VS brand vs PINK, due to quality, so we tend to buy more on the VS side, but lots of teens really seem to love the PINK brand.

 

I agree, and do think that it is just a hot gift item.  Even a sweatshirt is $40+, so panties from PINK really do make perfect sense (iconic and affordable). 

[heartlikealion]

LOL over the course of an hour there (shopping and trying items on at a busy time of day), she saw about 5 friends (also part of why it took so long). 3 girls/2 guys. She knows lots of people due to diverse interests so she runs into people she knows just about everywhere we go in town. LOL None of them seem uncomfortable running into each other.  I don't think there is the stigma to underwear like there used to be for most people, especially the younger crowd.  I am sure there are still lots who are quite modest, but just not like it used to be. 

 

I can't say it is is common all over the USA, but I see guys shopping in VS/Pink almost every single time I am in there.  There were a minimum of 8 guys in there during our shopping trip.  It is very, very common to see guys in there around our area. 

 

Well even if they aren't uncomfortable, this seems kinda awkward for some of the other shoppers to have these teen boys in there lol. I still remember when dh had to get me bras after I had a baby and none of my nursing bras were the right size. I felt embarrassed for him and the other shoppers Lol.