Baptism (infant) - private or during church service?

[ktgrok]

All my children have been baptized during a normal Sunday service. My current church, however (Catholic) gives the option of doing it during a Sunday mass (there are several each Sunday) or privately, after the Mass. I had assumed we'd do it during a Mass, if only because I love hearing the choir (or whichever group is singing at that service) sing the litany of the saints. And that moment where the whole congregation claps and welcomes the baby. 

 

However, maybe I'm missing something. Anyone prefer the private service, and willing to share why? Anything I'm not thinking of?

 

My family is not Catholic, but they aren't really religious in general. They wouldn't be able to recieve communion but they also know how to handle that. They certainly wouldn't object to it being during a service, and probably expect it. 

 

Any thoughts?

[Guest]

It's a sacrament, so (in my faith) it would be more appropriate to have it during the regular church service.  We have an hour long service specifically FOR baptism, but it is open to the congregation.  

[Arcadia]

Some of my catholic relatives opt for a private baptism ceremony. Their congregation is big. They want relatives and close friends present for a short intimate ceremony followed by a simple reception. So it really depends on what the parents prefer. In a way it is kind of like church weddings, some want a limited number of guests, some don't mind the whole congregation turning up. My friend invited the church youth choir for her child's baptism on a whoever is free to turn up basis.

[FaithManor]

Since it is a sacrament in the UMC they have for the most part taken place in setvice. However the practice has always been that it can take place privately for a variety of reasons. Some I have seen:

 

Godfather is a pastor of his own church and needs to be at Sunday Service for his job, will be there in the afternoon for baptism so it is therefore private.

 

Family members or even baby with compromised immune system so a tiny gathering is a must instead of the larger congregation.

 

Medical/family emergency so hurry up baptism.

 

One parent works a job on call on the Sabbath so a different day of the week works better.

 

Special needs sibling doesn't do well in a larger setting but parents would like the whole family to be there so private ceremony is preferred.

 

Recent diagnosis of life threatening illness to an older, new convert who really wants to be baptized asap.

 

Extended family willing to attend but feeling awkward because they are not familiar with the service or protocols.

[ktgrok]

Some of my catholic relatives opt for a private baptism ceremony. Their congregation is big. They want relatives and close friends present for a short intimate ceremony followed by a simple reception. So it really depends on what the parents prefer. In a way it is kind of like church weddings, some want a limited number of guests, some don't mind the whole congregation turning up. My friend invited the church youth choir for her child's baptism on a whoever is free to turn up basis.

 

Yes, this definitely seems to be a Catholic things. We do have a very large congregation, but seats are saved, I think, for the baptism family. 

 

Attending would be my kids and husband and I, my parents, my sister (Godmother) and maybe her children (ages 4 and 6), the godfather (husband's friend and only serious Catholic we know) and maybe his wife, and maybe my husband's brother and his wife. Other than me and the Godfather and his wife, none are Catholic if that makes a difference. (my family is Episcopal)

[ktgrok]

Faithmanor, those are really good reasons. Thank you for helping me understand more why one might opt for the private version. I don't think any apply to us. Although my teen son might appreciate a shorter ceremony. He's my prodigal :)

 

 

Edited September 16, 2016 by ktgrok

[FaithManor]

Just between us Ktgrok, I like the public ones because I love christenings, one of my most favorite aspects of life in a faith based community.

 

But I do so get that this is not possible or wise for all families.

 

Blessings on your little one!

[SKL]

Our church does it both ways.  I think that in general, the during-service ones are more for wee infants, while older kids/adults more often do it after the service.

[carriede]

We opted for a private one for DD as she was super colicky and hard to manage during Mass. Having the baptism afterward enabled me to do my usual bounce-the-baby-round-the-vestibule routine during Mass. And when she screamed through the whole baptism, it was much less stressful.

 

All my others have been during Mass.

[forty-two]

Lutheran here, and we *strongly* encourage baptisms during the service - it's pretty extraordinary to do a private baptism, and would be only when circumstances do not allow for baptizing in the service (such as emergency baptisms). 

[teachermom2834]

We did ours privately as that was the norm at our parishes although a family could do it during mass if they wished. That was done rarely.

 

I liked ours to be casual and laid back because there were always do many little kids involved. Just less stress on all the important players.

 

I realize this sounds terrible but one reason is because a large majority of our previous congregation would groan at something extra added to the mass that would keep them a few minutes longer. Our current parish is smaller and more friendly and would probably be more interested in a baptism during mass.

[Murphy101]

I've had both and not been bothered either way. If anything I prefer the quieter smaller baptism right after the mass. Because I generally just prefer quieter smaller celebrations. It was usually up to the priest and whatever was on the schedule at that Mass.

 

ETA: I also like the after mass style more because it's a bit more relaxed so everyone in the immediate family can feel comfortable participating. All 13 of us plus godparents can be quite the crowd gathered up there and I'm a bit more wary of keeping track of what the younger ones are up to and I'm not even slightly a fan of having my entire family be the center of a couple hundred people in the pews. So the 5 yr old can be a bit more antsy and I can I not feel so spotlighted - which is nice to me. But I've sucked it up and coped either way. 🙂

 

ETA2: I tend to get a bit teary eyed over sacraments, which is VERY unusual for me in general. And I feel embarrassed about that. But I love watching them too, even if I always seem to get something in my eyes.😉

Edited September 16, 2016 by Murphy101

[ktgrok]

Just between us Ktgrok, I like the public ones because I love christenings, one of my most favorite aspects of life in a faith based community.

 

But I do so get that this is not possible or wise for all families.

 

Blessings on your little one!

 

Me too. My favorite services have them. I often get weepy eyed, even when I don't know the children being baptized. 

[JustEm]

We've done both. I like during the Mass better and find it the most appropriate time to receive the sacrament. But we've also had to have it after Mass because of other people's schedules who we wanted to be there, like grandparents and godparents.

[Guest]

Me too. My favorite services have them. I often get weepy eyed, even when I don't know the children being baptized. 

Plus, it gives you an opportunity to renew your own baptism.  

[barnwife]

Well, the RCC considers baptism a sacrament, so the preference is definitely for celebrating it during Mass. That's certainly my preference.

However, I know various families who choose a private service at a different time. Often this is for the convenience of the godparents. We even chose it for one of our current 3 kids. I threw my back out the night before it was to happen during Mass. When I got up the next morning I could barely move. I knew there was no way I could participate in Mass that day. So our choices were to hold it during Mass (and me miss it) or ask the priest to celebrate it after Mass so I could be there.

I love welcoming babies into our faith during Mass, so it's definitely my preference.

[ktgrok]

Plus, it gives you an opportunity to renew your own baptism.  

 

Who doesn't like rejecting Satan and all his empty show? (favorite line from the whole thing.)

[Murphy101]

Oh forgot to add.. my fav is to do it during mass but not a Sunday mass. Best of both options IMO.

[FaithManor]

Me too. My favorite services have them. I often get weepy eyed, even when I don't know the children being baptized.

Me too! And then I am reminded of Mary and Joseph presenting Jesus at Temple and likely there wasn't much fanfare, much celebration of the dedication of a mere carpenter's son from lowly Nazareth, gossipped about as illegitimate with that crazy uncle who went mute until his only son was born.

 

It reminds me that despite my great angst lately dealing with the snarky politics of churches, that we must love and welcome the least amongst us with great affection and joy on behalf of our rejected Lord and there should be no greater joy than welcoming them to our faith and community. Child baptisms I guess have a much needed "centering" effect on me, and I am running dry because most of the churches around here practice believers baptisms of only older teens and adults. Very few sacramental churches in the area and the few that we have are not open and welcoming to newbies, very uncomfortable. Sigh...need an urban church.

Edited September 16, 2016 by FaithManor

[TravelingChris]

We had all three children baptized during the service.  TWo were baptized in the Presbyterian church and one in UMC.  ( We moved frequently and chose churches not just based on denomination).  I like seeing the baptisms at church.  In our church, there are questions asked of the congregation too like will we support the child and his family in learning about God.

[Guest]

Who doesn't like rejecting Satan and all his empty show? (favorite line from the whole thing.)

 

In our baptisms, we reject him and then we spit on him.  :0)

 

So yeah.  :0) 

 

My big problem now is that during that part of the service (more so when I go to Catholic baptism...the surroundings are the same), the big baptism scene from The Godfather plays in my head.  Ugh.  Great movie, but I wish my brain did a better job compartmentalizing.  

[ktgrok]

In our baptisms, we reject him and then we spit on him.  :0)

 

So yeah.  :0) 

 

My big problem now is that during that part of the service (more so when I go to Catholic baptism...the surroundings are the same), the big baptism scene from The Godfather plays in my head.  Ugh.  Great movie, but I wish my brain did a better job compartmentalizing.  

 

Never seen it, and I'll make sure not to watch it between now and then!

[LucyStoner]

The last Catholic Church I attended (and where my son was baptized) generally had 3-4 Sunday masses they offered infant baptisms at each year. There were at least 25 other families also having their child baptized at the same time as our son. They offered baptism for children over 6 and adults 1x a year.

 

Private baptisms were rare but not unheard of. I can see why families might want them for any number of reasons.

Edited September 16, 2016 by LucyStoner

[ktgrok]

The last Catholic Church I attended (and where my son was baptized) generally had 3-4 Sunday masses they offered infant baptisms at each year. There were at least 25 other families also having their child baptized at the same time as our son. They offered baptism for children over 6 and adults 1x a year.

 

Private baptisms were rare but not unheard of. I can see why families might want them for any number of reasons.

 

Ours does them at all the masses one weekend a month, during Mass. Then after the noon mass the other weeks, in private (or possibly semi private..not sure) ceremonies.

[LMV]

All of our children were baptized during a regular church service.  In our congregation the typical approach is not to do more than one baptism at a time (unless there are special circumstances like twins or other siblings being baptized at the same time). I also can't imagine that a private baptism would be denied a child/family with any of the reasons Faith listed.  We did opt to wait until two weeks after the second set of immunizations for immunity reasons so all of our children were baptized around four months (we vaccinate early because Mama and multiple family members are MDs).

[ktgrok]

I think normally there are two to three children being baptized per service (when they do them). I don't know about the ones done outside of Mass, that's a good question to ask. 

[City Mouse]

The Catholic Churches where my kids were baptized were both so big, and had so many baptisms, that they did not do baptisms in a regular mass. They held special group baptism days a couple of times each month. These were open to the public but I don't think many extra people attended.

They did not do private or individual baptisms at all, the only reason my DDwas allowed to have a private baptism was because we provided a priest (family member)

[Bluegoat]

In my Anglican parish, and more generally for Anglicans, it is usually considered an important community event, and private baptisms are discouraged without a good reason, like illness.

 

Sometimes at my parish they will have them at Morning Prayer which is about 1/2 hour before the main Eucharist service on Sunday.  It's much shorter and there are not nearly so many people.  I'm not sure why families choose this, but I think it is a bit of a compromise choice.

[Bluegoat]

 

 

 

We don't spit, but we "renounce the devil and all his works, the vain pomp and glory of the world, and the sinful desires of the flesh".

 

I always like the bit about popmp and glory.

[HRAAB]

I like baptisms during Sunday Mass.  There is such a feel of community.  However, for me personally, I like private baptisms, or maybe during a weekday Mass when there are only a handful of people present.  Because standing up at the altar in front of the huge congregation could cause this introvert a near anxiety attack.  So all my girls had private baptisms.  

 

Our parish does baptisms one Sunday each month.

[Caroline]

My nieces and nephews were christened in private services. I really think it was because my DBIL is the youngest of 8, and my oldest niece was grandchild #29 on that side of the family. So the family alone is a large number of people.

[mamiof5]

We always did private. Not specific reason, just preference. Dh and I are very private people and don't like to be put on the spot.

 

All our kids' baptisms were somewhat small ceremonies, with no more than 6-8 babies being baptized at the same time. We prefer it that way :-)

[Dmmetler]

DD was baptized basically as soon as she was born. The reason was that I'd lost a baby soon after birth, and had felt wrong having him baptized after his death, and if something had gone wrong, I wanted to know she had been. When I had been admitted mid-pregnancy, the minister assigned to that hospital (who had also been around during my first pregnancy and loss) and I discussed it, and she made sure it happened. Just DH, me, a couple of nurses, a minister, and the baby. DD was dedicated in a church service once she was old enough and her immune system was strong enough to handle that level of gathering (which, for a preemie born in winter takes awhile), so the family/congregation got the pomp and circumstance later. Besides, by then she fit in the christening gown made by my grandmother.

 

It was kind of strange when DD was attending the LCMS school because they'd celebrate a child's baptism birthday, and DD had several adults who tried to convince her that she was wrong when she insisted her baptism birthday WAS her birthday!!

[ktgrok]

Aww, I would have done exactly the same thing you did, in those circumstances! As it is, I don't like to wait too long. Which means I'm going to probably take the baptism class at my parish next month, even though I'm not due until March, just so I can snag a date that isn't too far out. It's first come first serve, and if I want one of the ones during a Mass I need to beat the rush. 

[Arcadia]

dmmetler,

 

I was born in a catholic hospital with a chapel inside the hospital. It wouldn't be unusual for a newborn to be baptised at the hospital chapel and any celebration to be later.

[TechWife]

This is interesting to read. In the Baptist faith, a baptism is a public profession of faith. I've never heard of a private baptism within the Baptist faith. 

 

 

[FaithManor]

This is interesting to read. In the Baptist faith, a baptism is a public profession of faith. I've never heard of a private baptism within the Baptist faith.

I have not either.

 

I think dunking is the only approved method as well so I have never heard of baptism of physically infirm folks who cannot be dunked. The Free Methodists practice this as well but make exceptions for pouring or sprinkling under a variety of circumstances and allow for private ceremonies for certain issues.

[ktgrok]

This is interesting to read. In the Baptist faith, a baptism is a public profession of faith. I've never heard of a private baptism within the Baptist faith. 

 

Yes, it's a totally different understanding of what baptism is. In the Catholic faith (and others) baptism isn't something you do to show your faith, it is something that happens TO you. 

 

 

 

 

 

[bolt.]

Awww, litutgical churches have all the fun! We don't get to renounce or spit on anyone. We just say, "Yes" when asked if we believe in Jesus for salvation (or something like that).

 

But I suppose nothing actually stops people from proclaiming such renunciations at that time if they happen to want to do so.

[ktgrok]

This is the definition of baptism for Catholics (taken from a children's catechism)

 

 

152. Q. What is Baptism?

A. Baptism is a Sacrament which cleanses us from Original Sin, makes us Christians, children of God, and heirs of Heaven.

 

[kentuckymom]

I want to put another vote in for a public baptism during a worship service unless there are extenuating circumstances such as a compromised immune system that would prohibit the baby or a really close family member from attending a service. In my tradition (UMC), Baptism welcomes the baby into the church family and the congregation promises to help raise up the child spiritually. This is also true with older children an adults who are baptized. Our particular church does separate the profession of faith from the actual dunking in immersion baptisms because our baptismal pool is just outside the sanctuary. So the baptisand (older child or adult) makes his or her profession of faith, the congregation pledges to support him or her, and then the congregation is invited to witness the actual baptism immediately following the service.

 

Both of my kids were baptized during a service and it was really meaningful to have the congregation also promising to help us raise up our children to know and love God. In the congregation we belong to now, the pastor walks around with the sanctuary with the baby after the baptism so everyone can coo at him or her and officially welcome the baby. The pianist plays "Jesus loves the little children" during this time. I was sure my daughter, who pretty much hated everyone but me when she was an infant, would scream like crazy when I handed her to the pastor, but she actually smiled and reached up to touch her cheek.

 

I've heard of private baptisms done just as a matter of preference and it always seemed weird to me. My niece and nephew (Roman Catholic) were both baptized in private ceremonies on Sunday afternoon. The family hadn't even attended Mass beforehand, which seemed really weird to me. My son's best friend (their family attends and independent Christian church) was baptized by immersion and profession of faith in a private ceremony on a Wednesday evening. The only people present were his family, the pastor, and my husband and son (my daughter and I were invited, but we had another obligation that evening). My husband commented that it seemed really weird for baptism not to be a public event.

 

I myself was baptized by immersion in the swimming pool of a family who lived near the church I grew up in. The church doesn't have a baptismal pool, so they arrange to use another location but highly encourage the congregation to consider it an extension of the worship service and make the short tip over to witness the baptism.

 

So, yes, if there's no extenuating circumstance, I encourage you to have the baby baptized during Mass. Don't worry about not particularly religious family members. They'll come just because they want to support you and show love for the baby. My Atheist father attended the baptisms of both of my children, and my parents live out of state.

[HSMWB]

We are Lutheran and the preference would be for a baptism during a service. That being said, one of my kids was baptized in a private ceremony. The situation surrounding it was that my husband was deployed and only had two weeks of leave that we were going to try to time with the birth of the child (because everyone knows that is easy to do and not stressful lol) - we also had a preferred pastor (who was a longtime family fried, and did my husbands commissioning and our wedding) and he came and did it for us.

[Serenade]

However, maybe I'm missing something. Anyone prefer the private service, and willing to share why? Anything I'm not thinking of?

We had both of my boys baptized in a Catholic Church and did not do it during Mass. If I remember right, one boy was baptized on a Saturday and the other on a Monday. My husband is not Catholic, but that's not why we had the boys baptized outside of a regular Mass. I guess we are just more private people, and I didn't really want to be the center of attention. The church was the church where I grew up, in the city where my mom still lived, but I no longer knew many people in the Parish.

Edited September 17, 2016 by Serenade

[busymama7]

This is the definition of baptism for Catholics (taken from a children's catechism)

 

152. Q. What is Baptism?

A. Baptism is a Sacrament which cleanses us from Original Sin, makes us Christians, children of God, and heirs of Heaven.

I'm sorry to derail but I am genuinely curious. Does this mean that in the Catholic faith only those who have been baptized are considered children of God? That's how it reads to me but is not something I was aware of. In my faith, everyone is considered a child of God.

[Jan in SC]

We had two dc baptized in private baptisms, (Episcopal) and one in a typical Sunday service, (Lutheran) (We flip flop between the two.)

The privates worked well for us because the Episcopal church we attended only baptized four times a year and we wanted to be sure that our family and friends could be there. My dh's grandmother was also blind and it was more comfortable for her to attend. The other reason is that we have 17 billion priests in our family and it was getting competitive. We were able to include more people in the service.

 

We moved between child two and three, and became active in a congregation that was open to a baptism any Sunday, so we were able to have it during a typical service. (Sorry- its late- I hope you aren't offended by my use of typical.)

[heartlikealion]

I get the reasons it's nice to have it during Mass, but it's not ideal for us exactly. Dh's side of the family attended both baptisms and they aren't Catholic. Why would I make them sit through Mass? Well, that's the thought I would have. And when I go to Mass and find out that a baptism is happening I know this sounds so wrong to admit, but I think, "ugh this is going to be an extra long service." :o I also think about keeping the baby content/happy during the service where you'd probably be sitting in the front row. And make sure they don't spit up all over their gown/outfit. No thanks. I tend to keep the baby in the cry room during a service or keep them at home until the baptism (ie. go to Mass the night before without the baby).

 

We had everyone meet us at the church for the baptism then go to my parents' home for a get together. For ds' we all met up at a restaurant afterwards. Either way, the whole celebration took up time and I think Mass would extend the time you are requiring of everyone.

 

I don't know that most people would openly object... but it doesn't mean they would prefer it.

[ktgrok]

I'm sorry to derail but I am genuinely curious. Does this mean that in the Catholic faith only those who have been baptized are considered children of God? That's how it reads to me but is not something I was aware of. In my faith, everyone is considered a child of God.

 

No. Baptism is kind of like the official adoption, but people who are not baptized are still children of God, because God created everything. (this is what I get for using the children's definition rather than posting the pages long adult catechism information, lol)

[ktgrok]

I get the reasons it's nice to have it during Mass, but it's not ideal for us exactly. Dh's side of the family attended both baptisms and they aren't Catholic. Why would I make them sit through Mass? Well, that's the thought I would have. And when I go to Mass and find out that a baptism is happening I know this sounds so wrong to admit, but I think, "ugh this is going to be an extra long service." :o I also think about keeping the baby content/happy during the service where you'd probably be sitting in the front row. And make sure they don't spit up all over their gown/outfit. No thanks. I tend to keep the baby in the cry room during a service or keep them at home until the baptism (ie. go to Mass the night before without the baby).

 

We had everyone meet us at the church for the baptism then go to my parents' home for a get together. For ds' we all met up at a restaurant afterwards. Either way, the whole celebration took up time and I think Mass would extend the time you are requiring of everyone.

 

I don't know that most people would openly object... but it doesn't mean they would prefer it.

 

This kind of is my only reason for doing more privately. But, on the other hand, they've sat through a church service for all the other kids in the family (3 of mine and two of my sister's) so what's one more, lol.

 

I do think I will make clear to my father, who says church pews hurt his back (he does have back problems but I don't honestly think that's the big reason he doesn't go to church i you know what I mean) that he is welcome to get up and stand on the sides or back of the church. LOTS of people do,which isn't something I'd seen before attending this parish. Usually people who arrived late and didn't want to try to find a seat, or people that have small kids who are restless, etc etc. By the end of Mass the walls are literally lined with people standing, often with a small child. Plus ones walking back and forth in the narthex area (is it called that in a Catholic church? Or maybe that's just Episcopal?). So no one would think twice if he wanted to stand. Or people even sit outside, on benches, and there are speakers that pipe the service out there. 

 

There is also a cry room, but it's usually full. I almost never use it, I'd rather walk a fussy baby around, or go outside where I can hear the service but not be cramped. 

 

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[QueenCat]

UMC and Lutheran background here.......... usually during the service but can be private if wanted or needed.

[heartlikealion]

This kind of is my only reason for doing more privately. But, on the other hand, they've sat through a church service for all the other kids in the family (3 of mine and two of my sister's) so what's one more, lol.

 

I do think I will make clear to my father, who says church pews hurt his back (he does have back problems but I don't honestly think that's the big reason he doesn't go to church i you know what I mean) that he is welcome to get up and stand on the sides or back of the church. LOTS of people do,which isn't something I'd seen before attending this parish. Usually people who arrived late and didn't want to try to find a seat, or people that have small kids who are restless, etc etc. By the end of Mass the walls are literally lined with people standing, often with a small child. Plus ones walking back and forth in the narthex area (is it called that in a Catholic church? Or maybe that's just Episcopal?). So no one would think twice if he wanted to stand. Or people even sit outside, on benches, and there are speakers that pipe the service out there. 

 

There is also a cry room, but it's usually full. I almost never use it, I'd rather walk a fussy baby around, or go outside where I can hear the service but not be cramped. 

 

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Well since you've already done it that way, you at least know what to expect. I wouldn't want to deal with the infant in the front row where if I got up to calm her down I felt like I was drawing a lot of attention to myself. I don't want all eyes on me every time the child makes a noise. Then after the baptism Mass will continue and maybe the baby is just DONE lol. But you know your kids. Maybe it's not a big deal.

 

I'm not familiar with the term narthex. I have stood in foyers with babies before. I just say foyer, I guess we're more or less talking about the same area lol

 

ETA: If it's not a big deal then I can see how choosing to do things that way would be a beautiful moment with everyone welcoming your little one into the Church.

 

Edited September 17, 2016 by heartlikealion