What is the gracious response to ...

[Mama Lynx]

"Oh, you homeschool? I wouldn't think that I know enough to homeschool."

 

All of my immediate thoughts were not good. I don't think on my feet well. All I could think of was either, "Oh, well I do know enough, thanks," or "You really don't have to know that much," which somehow didn't seem right either. :lol:

 

I muttered something about learning along with the kids. What is an answer that conveys both the fact that you don't have to know everything, while still making homeschooling sound like a good academic choice, and without coming off as a snob in the process? Know what I mean?

[Mrs Mungo]

I say this:

 

"hey, I majored in Literature for a reason but since I've now taught math from kindergarten up to seventh grade I can balance an equation and everything!"

[Guest janainaz]

Hmmm.....maybe, "Oh, really? Yeah, maybe it's not a good idea for you then." J/K

 

I have had people say that to me, I can't give a quick response to that. I have a passion for learning and so I have a passion for teaching and I love being with my kids. That is usually what I say. Or, I think I can do a better job than the school system because I love my kids and I'm invested in them in every way.

 

I am trying not to care anymore what anyone says about homeschooling, I have nothing to prove to them.

[hsmamainva]

I usually pass it on to someone else! Something like...."Well, when they reach that point there are wonderful classes at the local community college." (And then tell them that my oldest started taking classes there are 15 -- then it becomes "Wow, she must be so smart" and that takes the pressure off of me!) :lol:

[camibami]

Oh gosh, it would *so* hard not to reply "Oh, well, I guess you're probably right, you don't know enough!".

 

:glare:

 

Because they just walked into that one.

 

I'd probably just blather something about how its hard work or something. And only think the snarky response!

Edited September 30, 2008 by camibami
duh!

[Julie in Austin]

I usually try for something like, "Well, there are a lot of really excellent resources out there, so I don't feel that I need to be the source of all knowledge."

 

If they seem interested in more, I point out that a child asking a question I don't know the answer to is a great opportunity to model the process of finding out new info.

[Kelli in TN]

Hmmm.....maybe, "Oh, really? Yeah, maybe it's not a good idea for you then." ..

 

LOVE it!!! Just snarky enough without being over the top!

 

Along the same theme "Oh, really? I am so sorry to hear that."

[PinkInTheBlue]

Like Julie, I usually give a brief response about the wonderful resources out there and that we all know much more than we think we do. I usually throw in a "I love to learn along with them sometimes" too.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

I usually say something along the lines of that I am learning/relearning right along with them.

[Jenny in Florida]

Or something like that.

 

Then, if the conversation is still active, I say something like, "I mean, I was an English major, so I'm fine with that, but then I get gifted with two kids who are really good at math. But there are lots of curriculum choices and online and outside courses they can take. Honest, it all works out."

 

The truth as I see it is that this is one of those comments designed to explain (as much to the speaker as to you) why this person shouldn't feel badly about choosing not to homeschool. So, although I don't want to beat them up for their own life choices, I usually can't let the comment pass.

 

I do try to make it sound like no big deal, though, so that they can choose to drop the subject.

[lovemyboys]

I say this:

 

"hey, I majored in Literature for a reason but since I've now taught math from kindergarten up to seventh grade I can balance an equation and everything!"

 

Good answer!

 

I mentioned that I've done lots of research and that there's lots of support for homeschooling these days. But a woman did ask the other day why I didn't have to get a teaching degree for it....so I told her that we've been able to design a curriculum for each child that best suits his learning style. ;)

[beansprouts]

It would depend whether the person really wants to have a conversation about it. I think when many people consider homeschooling, they jump way ahead of themselves and start worrying about teaching calculus and physics. The reality is we start with letters, numbers, and writing their name just like any conscientious parent of preschoolers. We work up slowly from there and learn and grow along the way. By the time you're in 5th grade teaching Latin is no big deal. By the time the kids are in High School. those subjects probably won't seem so daunting either. But if so, there are plenty of "outsourcing" options.

 

If it is just an off-hand comment, it is a strange one. What are you supposed to do... agree?? ;)

[Remudamom]

You don't have to know everything, you just need to know how to use your brains.

[Cindyg]

My guess is that she meant nothing by the comment, nor did she care to learn any more about homeschooling. It was just friendly, mindless chatter. It could have been a compliment: I don't know enough, but apparently you do.

 

I don't think you needed any retort besides, "Well, it's a great situation for us," or "It works great for us."

 

But before I homeschooled or even understood homeschooling, I didn't realize that you could buy all these great curricula. I thought homeschool moms were slogging it out on their own, teaching solely from the stored knowledge in their brain. So it's possible that her comment came from that misunderstanding. In which case (and if you thought she cared enough for more information), you might have mentioned, "Oh, we have access to incredible curricula!" And I like what Jana said, something like, "Oh, I love learning right along with them!" (but I wouldn't want to imply that I wasn't well educated enough to homeschool. Shrug.) I also like the simple "Oh, but I am!" in response to "I'm not smart enough..." Ha ha ha! Said with a big smile, that might be just right!

 

Honestly, it doesn't matter what you said or what she thought. I'm sure it was just a passing comment that didn't mean anything.

[Lovedtodeath]

I usually try for something like, "Well, there are a lot of really excellent resources out there, so I don't feel that I need to be the source of all knowledge."

 

If they seem interested in more, I point out that a child asking a question I don't know the answer to is a great opportunity to model the process of finding out new info.

 

Perfect! Julie and Cindy had such great responses. I am trying to memorize them. Teachers in Public School do have an answer key. We can get those into our hands too. :lol:

Edited September 30, 2008 by Lovedtodeath

[JudoMom]

I told someone the other day "As long as I stay one chapter ahead of them I think it'll be fine".

[Zelda]

I wish I knew one. I tend to go for the awkward silence.

[Melissa in Australia]

I always say I am right as long as I have the teachers book with me, and stay one lesson ahead.

[Ria]

Honestly, when people used to say that to me I'd just take it as a compliment. I'm sure it's meant as a statement of appreciation for the fact that you are able to homeschool so successfully. A lot of people feel that they couldn't do it. We are the lucky ones, eh?

 

Just smile and say something bland like, "Oh, I'm learning more about patience with every passing year, but we really love homeschooling!"

 

Be cheerful, and don't assume that people are trying to be critical or condescending. I really think it's benign.

 

Ria

[Mom to Aly]

maybe.."well it is good you know your limitations, I don't"

 

 

:lol: Inspiring!! Don't tempt me!

 

I usually just say, "You would be surprised how much comes back to you.". I mean, at this point, my dd has not gone beyond 6th or 7th grade for most things, I can handle it. When she is doing high school science, I may have a totally diff answer ;).

[Sebastian (a lady)]

The truth as I see it is that this is one of those comments designed to explain (as much to the speaker as to you) why this person shouldn't feel badly about choosing not to homeschool. So, although I don't want to beat them up for their own life choices, I usually can't let the comment pass.

QUOTE]

 

 

I have had a few people explain why they aren't homeschooling.

 

I usually say something to the effect that I'm enjoying learning things more completely than I learned them the first time around during my own school years. Sometimes I say that one of my biggest problems is deciding which program from a dozen great ones to choose.

[Kanga]

I have had a few friends say this to me and the funny thing is - they are very well educated. One of my friends who is a pediatrician said this to me and confided that when she volunteered at her dc's private school, she took playground duty because she didn't feel qualified to teach anything. :confused: I guess she felt capable of dealing with injuries on the playground!;) Anyways, I think that sometimes the more you know, the more you realize how little you know. So I have always tried to say something along the line of "I just try to stay one chapter a head of my dc". I want them realize that if they wanted to do it, they could.

[mcconnellboys]

"I would think that no one knows enough to teach another without the benefit of life experiences, great books, and enough decent organizational skills to pull all those things together. Of course, an actual *desire* to do the thing make it much more likely to happen, also....."

[LibraryLover]

I would probably say "Oh, I have absolutely lost brain cells since we became hsers!". With a laugh, of course. :D

 

I don't know that most people mean anything negative about us by that comment. I think it might more reflect their own insecurities, perhaps? I feel insecure more often than I would like, that's for sure!

[Mama Lynx]

Honestly, when people used to say that to me I'd just take it as a compliment. I'm sure it's meant as a statement of appreciation for the fact that you are able to homeschool so successfully. A lot of people feel that they couldn't do it. We are the lucky ones, eh?

 

Just smile and say something bland like, "Oh, I'm learning more about patience with every passing year, but we really love homeschooling!"

 

Be cheerful, and don't assume that people are trying to be critical or condescending. I really think it's benign.

 

Ria

 

 

Did I imply that they were trying to be critical or condescending? I really don't think I did.

 

OTOH, it's all in the tone, isn't it? Two people can say the same thing, and have it mean entirely different things. And if you don't hear the tone, you can't tell.

 

Still, my search for a gracious response is simply that.

[emeraldjoy]

It is a comment that I have heard a lot.

It is nice to know I am not alone.

However, I have never taken offense to it; or felt like I needed to defend myself because of it. More than anything, I have always found it so unfortunate that so many people don't realize that they DO, in fact, have the ability and knowledge to educate their children. The comment has always made me sort of sad...

 

My son has a very, very long pony tail and often is mistaken as a girl. I tell him that because he is outside the "norm" he will be questioned; it is just the truth of human nature. I also tell him that if it gets too hard, then he can choose to cut his hair. This is sort of our take on homeschool as well. It is certainly outside of the norm and people will be curious, or concerned, or whatever it is that us humans do. Some of it has to be expected and honestly, I feel, that some of the questioning and commenting should also be tolerated and treated sincerely.

e

[teamturner]

My response to this (and I don't say it snarky):

 

"Yes, I don't remember much from my education so I'm getting another one with my kids! I love it!"

[Kate CA]

I don't think I would respond to that. I think I would just smile and move to the next subject or deflect it with, "We love it." or something like that. I think many people naturally don't think they can. Before I was married I thought it was an insane concept. :) I think most people think that! :tongue_smilie:

[abbeyej]

"Well, it sure forces one to keep learning, I'll tell ya' that!" And a big, goofy smile. :D

 

Anyway, I *think* that's a good response. Better than the open-mouthed stare I'd be more likely to give... ;)

[jkwynn]

Before we started telling people we were going to homeschool this year, I thought of a good stand-by catch-all response to any negative remarks I came across:

 

"Well, like anything else, it's not for everybody."

 

Surprisingly, other than a couple of moms at the public school where DS was in kindergarten, I haven't heard any others.

 

My family, especially, blew me away in the way they took the news. They were genuinely interested, and my mother even bought a few books to add to the shelves!

[gardenschooler]

"Oh, you homeschool? I wouldn't think that I know enough to homeschool."

 

All of my immediate thoughts were not good. I don't think on my feet well. All I could think of was either, "Oh, well I do know enough, thanks," or "You really don't have to know that much," which somehow didn't seem right either. :lol:

 

I muttered something about learning along with the kids. What is an answer that conveys both the fact that you don't have to know everything, while still making homeschooling sound like a good academic choice, and without coming off as a snob in the process? Know what I mean?

 

I just say something like, "Well, that's what books are for," but that's really not right either. I know what you're asking, but I don't know the answer because the question itself is just so uninformed. There really is no way to answer such a nonsensical question.

 

I want to say, "What's the matter, you can't learn anything new? Can't you read?" But of course I don't. That wouldn't be gracious at all, now would it?

 

I think I do inadvertently give people a little sideways glance when they say crazy things like this (especially when we're talking about, oh, a 5 yr. old). If I do, it's purely by accident, I assure you.

 

Graciousness isn't my best face, unfortunately. :lol:

[gardenschooler]

"I would think that no one knows enough to teach another without the benefit of life experiences, great books, and enough decent organizational skills to pull all those things together. Of course, an actual *desire* to do the thing make it much more likely to happen, also....."

 

That's a good one. They'd be desperately trying to change the subject by the end of that!

[gardenschooler]

After a while, you can tell in their voice and body language if they mean, "Oh you homeschool. Convince me you're qualified," or "Oh, you homeschool. Let me now justify to you why I don't."

 

For the latter, I don't say much unless it's something just off the wall (which I think the statement 'I don't know enough' is).

 

If they then go on to talk about their lack of interest in it, lack of self-discipline, etc., I don't really say much. They don't need to justify to me why they don't homeschool - even if, for some reason, they think they do. I usually try to gear the conversation elsewhere, rather than let them go on too long beating themselves up.

[Karenciavo]

I get this one a lot, especially now that Ben is in high school. If I know the person, I usually say something like, "I think you probably could," and if I don't know them I something like Kate and Abbey suggested, "It's going great for us, we are all learning a lot, myself included!"

[G&KMCKee]

and want to know what my children are learing. and then smile and walk away:)

[*anj*]

I think when many people consider homeschooling, they jump way ahead of themselves and start worrying about teaching calculus and physics. The reality is we start with letters, numbers, and writing their name just like any conscientious parent of preschoolers.

I agree.

I've said things like "Well, I've got my phonics rules down pat, so I can teach reading. I have a pretty good grip on elementary math, so I can teach that. And subjects that I didn't learn well in school (like history) are so much fun to learn along with my kids. Besides, do you really think that teachers in schools know everything that they teach? That's why they have curriculum. And I can open a book and teach from it as easily as

they can. ;)"

 

This works well for now because up til this year my kids were all elementary aged. Now that I have a middle school aged child I add the thing about outsourcing to community college or using one of the wonderful co-ops or learning centers that we have in our area.

Edited September 30, 2008 by *anj*

[Another Lynn]

Hmmm.....maybe, "Oh, really? Yeah, maybe it's not a good idea for you then." J/K

 

 

 

:iagree::D ....What I actually say is "Oh, schooling is the EASY part - it's parenting that's hard!" That usually satisfies them if they have kids because most people know how hard parenting is.

[*anj*]

 

But before I homeschooled or even understood homeschooling, I didn't realize that you could buy all these great curricula. I thought homeschool moms were slogging it out on their own, teaching solely from the stored knowledge in their brain. So it's possible that her comment came from that misunderstanding.

 

I think that this is quite true. Some people start off saying "So, does the school system give you books, or what?" And they are really, really surprised when I start telling them about the sheer magnitude of materials that are available for home education. They really have no idea. I don't know...if I have a burning question about something, I just google it. If some of these people were really wondering, they could google "homeschool curricula" and then they'd realize that finding material and teaching core subjects are NOT the things that make this difficult. We all have tons of wonderful materials. As with anything else, our own personal demons and those of our children are the hardest things to overcome.

[*anj*]

One of my friends who is a pediatrician said this to me and confided that when she volunteered at her dc's private school, she took playground duty because she didn't feel qualified to teach anything. :confused:

 

At the risk of being a thread hog (my third comment in a row here), I had to say something here. My children's pediatrician said something similar to me back when my oldest was in first grade! She said "I don't know how you can homeschool. I mean, I'm a doctor and I can't even help my daughter with her high school Chemistry. What are you going to do about that?" :confused::confused::confused:

 

We, um, don't see her anymore, by the way.

[Jugglin'5]

:001_huh: That is not a comforting anecdote. Hopefully most doctors are more intellectually curious than your ex-pediatrician. How did she get through school? That is just weird.

 

At the risk of being a thread hog (my third comment in a row here), I had to say something here. My children's pediatrician said something similar to me back when my oldest was in first grade! She said "I don't know how you can homeschool. I mean, I'm a doctor and I can't even help my daughter with her high school Chemistry. What are you going to do about that?" :confused::confused::confused:

 

We, um, don't see her anymore, by the way.

[*anj*]

:001_huh: That is not a comforting anecdote. Hopefully most doctors are more intellectually curious than your ex-pediatrician. How did she get through school? That is just weird.

 

I know, tell me about it. :001_huh:

[Trivium Academy]

"Oh, you homeschool? I wouldn't think that I know enough to homeschool."

 

There are many helpful resources and curricula available that help provide a thorough education, I'm a teacher just like at school except that I'm also Mom.

 

 

I think that gets the point across that homeschooling is WORK and you're not teaching just from the hip. :)

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

Some people don't know enough to homeschool. While most can make it through elementary, after that, it does get harder. I am not qualified to teach all subjects beyond elementary level, so here is what I say: "Yeah, there are subjects I am not as qualified to teach. I have lots of options available like distance learning programs, tutors, and outside classes."

[love2read]

I haven't read the other responses, but my reply is standard. I take what people say at face value and respond with a question of my own. My reply would have been "Why not?" This opens the door to what they are really saying and their reply may surprise you. Truly, it's just easier not to try to mind read. Sometimes we tend to be defensive about our choices and assume that others are making negative judgments about what we are doing when in fact they just really mean what they say. Even if something is buried behind their words, by asking a simple question in reply you have turned the tables and put them on the defense.

 

This approach works in every situation.

[CalicoKat]

"Oh, you homeschool? I wouldn't think that I know enough to homeschool."

 

All of my immediate thoughts were not good. I don't think on my feet well. All I could think of was either, "Oh, well I do know enough, thanks," or "You really don't have to know that much," which somehow didn't seem right either. :lol:

 

I muttered something about learning along with the kids. What is an answer that conveys both the fact that you don't have to know everything, while still making homeschooling sound like a good academic choice, and without coming off as a snob in the process? Know what I mean?

"Yes! Thank you."

 

Do you really want to start a conversation with a possibily antagonistic person? "Thank you," ends a conversation like a bucket of cold water.

[ma23peas]

How about we take a different view...80% of the responses are assuming that the person is going to be antagonistic...there is a slight chance that they have considered/wondered about homeschooling for themselves and there is the chance that they're trying to make a judgment on your ability..

 

REGARDLESS of their intent, it is your opportunity to GUIDE the conversation into the direction YOU would like it to go...GET OFF the defensive and go on the offensive or the constructive!!!

 

Here are some words you could use..

 

1. It is a lot easier than most think!

 

2. I really didn't think I could do it either...but now I can't imagine schooling any other way.

 

3. Oh! I used to think homeschoolers were those folks living on the fringe and herding goats...7 years later and we have a farm and buy organic milk...I think I'm about to research goats! (Saying all this to laugh at yourself not to be smart)

 

4. Give yourself some credit! You're very resourceful and creative, that's all it takes!

 

5. I couldn't deal with all the homework they put on kids in school now, atleast with homeschooling we get our work done without wasting time...it's really not as hard as you think.

 

6. I've learned more by homeschooling than I recall from school, it's actually kinda fun!

 

There, enjoy and practice your smile...sometimes I'm just honest and say...

 

"I get that question from a lot of people...you should come over sometime and see how we do it, I had a lot of misconceptions about homeschooling, but it's really a lot of fun!"

 

Tara

[*anj*]

How about we take a different view...80% of the responses are assuming that the person is going to be antagonistic...there is a slight chance that they have considered/wondered about homeschooling for themselves and there is the chance that they're trying to make a judgment on your ability..

 

 

Well of course. But you have to assess the situation based on the tone of voice, facial expression, your relationship with the person, etc. I think that many of us have heard that question from people whose tone was somewhat antagonistic. Facial expressions say a lot.

[ma23peas]

Well of course. But you have to assess the situation based on the tone of voice, facial expression, your relationship with the person, etc. I think that many of us have heard that question from people whose tone was somewhat antagonistic. Facial expressions say a lot.

 

Yes, I'm saying that many are probably antagonistic, my point is that your response does not have to be...why be defensive when you can change their tone with a sincere response instead of a caddy one...

 

I do that with my children a lot..they may have an attitude about something and it shows on their face, but when I shock them and respond in kind, their face and all that follows softens as well...

 

In other words, take the lemons and make lemonade..we're not disputing that they're giving you lemons but why throw them back at the sender??

 

Tara

[Kathleen in VA]

At the risk of being a thread hog (my third comment in a row here), I had to say something here. My children's pediatrician said something similar to me back when my oldest was in first grade! She said "I don't know how you can homeschool. I mean, I'm a doctor and I can't even help my daughter with her high school Chemistry. What are you going to do about that?" :confused::confused::confused:

 

We, um, don't see her anymore, by the way.

 

Wow! I heard once that if you aren't able to explain something to someone else then you really don't understand it yourself. Does that mean your doctor didn't really understand high school Chemistry? Good thing you aren't going to her any longer.:D

 

To the OP's question, I usually say that the smartest people aren't the ones who know everything, they're the ones who know how to find out.

 

I suspect those who make comments like this have been seriously duped by the system. They think that there is something magical in that teacher's certificate that gives them the ability to relate information to others better than the average person. It's not so much that they feel they don't "own" a body of knowledge - they have just fallen for the lie that only teachers have the skills to pass that knowledge on to others. I think it is a comment that, once reflected on by the commenter, would seem pretty ridiculous - the thing is, it is usually said without much consideration.

 

I have a degree in Elementary Education from one of the best public universities in Virginia. I once had that "magical" Teacher's Certificate so I speak from experience. The most important thing a teacher can *know* is her students. Who knows your kids better than you do?

[*anj*]

 

In other words, take the lemons and make lemonade..we're not disputing that they're giving you lemons but why throw them back at the sender??

 

Tara

 

Yes, a soft answer turns away wrath, I get it.