Need advice. Kid and sports related.

[Alicia64]

Keeping story short.

 

My kids, 12, are beginners at tennis. They've had lessons, but no matter how you cut it: they're beginners.

 

A coach/teacher taught a group tennis session for beginners that included my boys last fall and then again last winter. So he knows their skill level. (It's not high.)

 

In Feb., he invited my boys to be on a team where they'd practice on Wed. and play a match on Sat. I assumed that the kids on the team would be at the same level as my kids.

 

After three practices it's obvious that the kids are older than mine -- 14 and 15 -- and have been playing for years. My two are very embarrassed and don't want to continue.

 

Why did it take three practices to figure out? Apparently kids were coming and going in the beginning and my boys weren't 100 % sure who was on the team.

 

Now they're saying they'll lose every match because they're "out of the kids' league" (their words.)

 

The other thing that really bugs me is that the Wed. practice is just that: practice. My boys are saying that the coach doesn't seem to be instructing. More like he send kids to various courts and tells them to practice.

 

I paid the coach $220 total.

 

I emailed him last night saying that the team wasn't at the boys' skill level -- and the otherwise mild mannered sweet guy got a little touchy with me and said, "It will leave the team without enough players if Matt and Josh drop off the team completely now. There would only be 6 players, and team needs to have 6 players each match. Team will have to forfeit position if there are less than 6 players who can play that day."

 

So that's the bottom line: I think he needed two more warm bodies to make the team a "go" and he sold the idea to me. The bottom line is that the team is outside of my kids' skill level.

 

What would you do?

 

Alley

[TechWife]

I would let my kids drop out and look for a more appropriate place for them to continue learning the sport. Otherwise, I think their interest in the activity will decrease, perhaps unnecessarily. Having so few members on the team is a reflection on the coach, not on your kids' ability. Perhaps he is just starting this team this year or perhaps he is rebuilding it after players have aged out, but in any case, for whatever reason, his students and/or previous team members aren't following him. It's really about him, not your kids.

[Farrar]

I'd be ticked too. And I'd just push back and tell him what you told us here - that it seems like he recruited your kids just to make the team, even knowing it probably wasn't right for them. I wouldn't mince words about it either. If you feel you have other options, I would also tell him they wouldn't be back in his classes. I think you're out the money, unfortunately.

[Alicia64]

I'd be ticked too. And I'd just push back and tell him what you told us here - that it seems like he recruited your kids just to make the team, even knowing it probably wasn't right for them. I wouldn't mince words about it either. If you feel you have other options, I would also tell him they wouldn't be back in his classes. I think you're out the money, unfortunately.

 

Thanks TechWife, that really helps.

Thanks Farrar. Okay, so just let the money go? That what's bothering. I feel tricked (and the guy doesn't come across that way. Nice man in his 50's.)

 

Alley

[UCF612]

Eek. Definitely sounds like he just needed two more kids! I'd maybe talk to him about giving them increased instruction do they can improve. In theory this could really improve their game by playing against better players. But it also could ruin their love of the game; getting beat a lot wears on you. I wouldn't let the number of kids participating be your problem. I'd weigh what your kids want (after talking to the coach about increased instruction AND talking to the kids about playing better people to get better) over and above anything. Would he give any of your money back if you left?

[wintermom]

That's tough. There can be a HUGE difference in strength alone between 12 and 14 year olds, then adding more tennis skill, is certainly intimidating for your dc. However, will your dc be competing against the others on their own team, or kids from other locations?  There could be a lot of variance in skill levels from the other teams, so it would be worth experiencing this before dropping out.

 

Also, your dc will have a much better chance of improving their own skills by playing with and against better players. The rallies will be longer, they'll get used to receiving fast balls, and once they can get their racket on a hard hit ball they won't have to hit it back to hard for it to be fast.  If they can manage to keep at it, they'll see their own skills improve substantially. 

[happi duck]

If you liked this coach in the past I think this is worth salvaging.

 

"You know my kids are truly just beginners and they feel overwhelmed and out of their league on this team. Im not sure why you suggested this team...can you explain?"

"..."

"I'm not comfortable continuing unless my kids get waaaay more instruction. Will you teach them on Wednesdays?"

 

Maybe you'll be able to get a lot more teaching out of the deal if the guy needs the players.

 

(Hugs)

[Farrar]

I think it's okay for ask for a partial refund. I guess if there's a policy then you might be able to get it, but really I think you won't. I wouldn't expect it. I would mostly just let it go. Stuff like that... oh, it hurts in a physical way for me sometimes. But I usually just have to tell myself it's done and cut it off and move on.

 

I feel like I'd want to say something about how his actions hurt their growing love of the sport instead of fostering it, which is the exact opposite of what you'd want. Basically, you trusted him and his recommendation that this would be a good thing and he completely let you all down. 

[Arcadia]

I would feel cheated though especially with the coach response. Here the coach does give pointers during group practice for tennis. The coach would just walk around 3 courts usually, observe and give pointers. Sometime the coach would demonstrate. I don't know the tennis coach fees as the golf driving range my kids used is just in front of the tennis courts. So I watch both golf and tennis for fun.

[Gentlemommy]

Could you ask that the money be applied to some extra lessons for them?

[OneStepAtATime]

I agree I think you have a couple of choices here.  It really does sound like he sold you on this because he needed warm bodies.  

 

1.  Withdraw and share what you shared here.  Ask for at least a partial refund.  Be explicit, firm, but polite (definitely in writing).

 

2.  Or, very clearly explain that your kids are NOT at this level, he knew they were not at this level, you feel you were misled but if he really wants them on the team and genuinely feels their participation could be mutually beneficial then he needs to provide them with actual LESSONS and explicit support and instruction since they are not ready for this level of competition.

[mamiof5]

This doesn't sound very honest from his part. I'd let my kids drop, and request a full refund.

[SJ.]

How long is the season?  If you can't get a refund I would just use it as a learning opportunity and counsel the children on using the experience to improve their skills by playing against others who are at a higher level.

 

 

[SKL]

I could go either way.  I could see staying on the team to enable it to be a team, as long as the boys are able to deal with that.  I would chalk their losses up to experience.  On the other hand, I wouldn't feel too guilty about quitting, because coach should have been more straight-forward about it in the first place.  Maybe if he approached your boys up front and said, you are going to be the earliest beginners on this team, but it will help the team overall and you'll get good experience for next season.  But he didn't say that.

 

Another thought though - could there also be "beginners" on some of the other teams your kids will compete against?

 

I have a kid who tends to be on the slow side.  I do make her do sports for health reasons, but I would probably not push a competitive one-on-one sport unless she was at least average at it.

[Tsuga]

Thanks TechWife, that really helps.

Thanks Farrar. Okay, so just let the money go? That what's bothering. I feel tricked (and the guy doesn't come across that way. Nice man in his 50's.)

 

Alley

 

People can fool themselves. Even people who are generally very nice and thoughtful make mistakes, even moral mistakes.

 

He's probably thinking, "This is a great opportunity for these boys, they'll jump levels, they will have experienced competition that could otherwise take a year or two to get to. They get the fun part without all the drill. How lucky for them! Win-win!" And he's also thinking to himself, that he'll put in the work for your sons. That he'll do the extra coaching, be very patient, encouraging. He knows their skill level and he'll put up with it.

 

So... yeah. Maybe he does try to be nice and he is nice most of the time but what he did this time wasn't nice.

 

I would be direct but I would also try to take into account his justifications.

 

"You know, this could be a great opportunity for the boys and I do appreciate that, but they are intimidated. We would really have liked to have spent more time on the basics. They know this is a higher level of play and they wanted to earn that. I know you need them on the team but I need to respect their development. We appreciate all the coaching you've put in but we simply cannot continue because they need to spend this time on their basic skills and want to compete against people closer to their level. Please let me know what the refund or credit policy is, if any."

 

He's less likely to be defensive and at least you don't burn bridges.

 

Nobody is nice all the time. Nobody. We all do self-serving things. Hopefully by empathizing you can get him to reflect on his choices and maybe he'll be more inclined to give you a credit for next season or something.

[Bluegoat]

I would be concerned with the skill profile and age profile of the other teams, more than just comparing your boys to the kids on their team.  It may be that incoming kids are generally younger than other team members.

 

I would ask about the lack of instruction during practice, though it may be that more playing is really what is necessary at this point to improve.  But I would have expected more coaching.

[wintermom]

I think you should talk face to face with the coach to get a better understanding of the situation. I don't think an e-mail is the best way for detailed information to be communicated. 

[Spy Car]

One doesn't join a team, then drop the team—leaving it in the lurch—and then ask for a refund.

 

Good grief.

 

$110 each ain't much to participate in an organized sports team.

 

What sort of life-lesson is it to quit?

 

Bill 

[Alicia64]

One doesn't join a team, then drop the team—leaving it in the lurch—and then ask for a refund.

 

Good grief.

 

$110 each ain't much to participate in an organized sports team.

 

What sort of life-lesson is it to quit?

 

Bill 

 

Bill,

 

Did you see where I said that I was completely misled as to the skill level of the team? And that the coach knew my kids' beginner- status??

 

How is it right for a coach to imply that my kids will fit right in -- when my kids are beginners and the rest of the team are older and have trained way longer.

 

How is that even fair to the OTHER team members?!

 

What sort of life lesson is it to say to my boys: "well, those silly adults. Yep, they can fib or fudge info.  What are ya going to do? We just have to suck it up."

 

Btw, I called a reputable tennis place here and -- without naming names -- asked about this situation. That coach said that he would never put beginners on a team without giving them a full six months of skill development.

 

Alley

[FaithManor]

One doesn't join a team, then drop the team—leaving it in the lurch—and then ask for a refund.

 

Good grief.

 

$110 each ain't much to participate in an organized sports team.

 

What sort of life-lesson is it to quit?

 

Bill 

Normally, I would agree, but the coach wasn't honest. It is not good for there to be such a mismatch in ability, size, etc., and the coach knows it, but wasn't upfront about the situation. So I'm not certain it sends a good message to the children to allow the coach to get away with it. At the very least, knowing that he was deliberately putting the boys in a bad situation, one that would likely lead to them hating the sport, he should have offered free individual instruction to help them get their skill level up.

 

I seriously question the worthiness of the coach.

Edited March 16, 2016 by FaithManor

[Alicia64]

People can fool themselves. Even people who are generally very nice and thoughtful make mistakes, even moral mistakes.

 

He's probably thinking, "This is a great opportunity for these boys, they'll jump levels, they will have experienced competition that could otherwise take a year or two to get to. They get the fun part without all the drill. How lucky for them! Win-win!" And he's also thinking to himself, that he'll put in the work for your sons. That he'll do the extra coaching, be very patient, encouraging. He knows their skill level and he'll put up with it.

 

So... yeah. Maybe he does try to be nice and he is nice most of the time but what he did this time wasn't nice.

 

I would be direct but I would also try to take into account his justifications.

 

"You know, this could be a great opportunity for the boys and I do appreciate that, but they are intimidated. We would really have liked to have spent more time on the basics. They know this is a higher level of play and they wanted to earn that. I know you need them on the team but I need to respect their development. We appreciate all the coaching you've put in but we simply cannot continue because they need to spend this time on their basic skills and want to compete against people closer to their level. Please let me know what the refund or credit policy is, if any."

 

He's less likely to be defensive and at least you don't burn bridges.

 

Nobody is nice all the time. Nobody. We all do self-serving things. Hopefully by empathizing you can get him to reflect on his choices and maybe he'll be more inclined to give you a credit for next season or something.

 

Tsuga -- your note here helped me so much. Your thoughts on how a nice person can come up with a not-nice work-a-round really helped me.

 

And thank you for the nice note to the coach. Really helped. When I get angry, my nice note writing ability flies out the window.

 

Thank you,

 

Alley

 

 

[TechWife]

One doesn't join a team, then drop the team—leaving it in the lurch—and then ask for a refund.

 

Good grief.

 

$110 each ain't much to participate in an organized sports team.

 

What sort of life-lesson is it to quit?

 

Bill 

 

The life lesson is this: When you find yourself in an inappropriate situation of any kind, feel free to exit. You do not need to be manipulated by those around you to serve their own interests. 

[zoobie]

The life lesson is this: When you find yourself in an inappropriate situation of any kind, feel free to exit. You do not need to be manipulated by those around you to serve their own interests. 

 

+1 

 

They're not wanting to quit because they're being prima donnas. 

 

Alley, I hope you get a partial refund or can apply it to actual lessons and not free practice time. 

[bolt.]

Being that it's tennis, there is a strong potential for under-trained players to do themselves real injury by exerting themselves extra hard in the wrong ways.

 

I wouldn't allow it unless the coach would offer sugnufucant instruction (at practices or like tutoring) and extra support for his beginners.

 

Knowingly or self-deceived-ly, this coach misled these children *very much* just to pad his number of players. It's clearly his primary concern. See if he is concerned enough to do what it takes to actually-and-properly include them as players in-development: instead of simply using them for numbers. Give him clear expectations of what that would mean for him to do that to your standards. Otherwise, pull them. A team that uses bait-and-switch recruitment deserves to loose players and be left in the lurch. Team loyalty can be expected, but it is also earned, and can be lost.

[Spy Car]

I've never (ever) met a coach who would lie in order to get low-skill players onto his team. Doesn't make any sense if he is only in it for himself. 

 

Sounds like someone who is trying to make opportunities for a couple non-elite players, and who will be penalized for doing so.

 

 

Then people will complain about why are there no opportunities for the rec. level players?

 

Bill

[Spy Car]

The life lesson is this: When you find yourself in an inappropriate situation of any kind, feel free to exit. You do not need to be manipulated by those around you to serve their own interests. 

 

When the going gets tough: Quit!

 

Lousy life-lesson.

 

Bill

[bolt.]

I've never (ever) met a coach who would lie in order to get low-skill players onto his team. Doesn't make any sense if he is only in it for himself.

 

Sounds like someone who is trying to make opportunities for a couple non-elite players, and who will be penalized for doing so.

 

 

Then people will complain about why are there no opportunities for the rec. level players?

 

Bill

That would only be true if he had enough "elite level" players available in the first place, in order to form the team and enter the competitions -- which is obviously not the case.

 

If he had his 8 players, and *also* welcomed two interested novices, that would be what you are talking about. On the contrary, he had only 6 ready-level players -- and actively recruited two novices in order to meet the team minimum. He couldn't have started this team without them, and can't completely successfully continue it without them.

[teachermom2834]

I have seen many many times I the 10+ years my kids have played serious sports that adults have sought warm bodies to fill teams just for personal profit. Whether it be to have more funds to operate the team with, to cover fees for a more talented player, or to just have enough kids to fill a team for their own kid to be showcased, I have seen it all. We are a serious sports family but there are times it is OK to quit. We have never done it but I have seen situations where it is appropriate.

[bolt.]

When the going gets tough: Quit!

 

Lousy life-lesson.

 

Bill

It's served me very well to bow out of many things in order to balance my life and achieve success and satisfaction. i hope to teach my children the same.

[TechWife]

When the going gets tough: Quit!

 

Lousy life-lesson.

 

Bill

 

I disagree. This isn't a "tough" situation. It's an inappropriate situation. Exiting from an inappropriate situation isn't quitting. It's resigning to do something better. 

 

If a student had completed elementary math with average grades and enrolled in a pre-calculus course on the advice of a teacher who needed more students to have her pre-calculus class meet, would you tell him the same thing? Life is tough enough without perpetuating unnecessary, inappropriate scenarios. 

[Alicia64]

I've never (ever) met a coach who would lie in order to get low-skill players onto his team. Doesn't make any sense if he is only in it for himself. 

 

 

 

Bill

 

Well, now you've met one through me. We've stayed on teams -- basketball -- where my kids were far from being the best.

 

The boys learned and developed. We went to every game, every practice. Come to think of it, same with a soccer team. Every practice, every game.

 

I love watching my kids play whether they have awesome skills or not.

 

But this has been a ridiculous situation. I really do think the coach needed bodies.

 

Alley

[Alicia64]

I cannot thank you guys enough. You've all been super helpful. I was so "out of my league" (ha!) on this one. I've actually never come up against this sort of thing before.

 

You really helped me think it through. DH is crazy busy w/ work and didn't have it in him right now.

 

Thank you so much!!

 

Alley

[zoobie]

I have seen many many times I the 10+ years my kids have played serious sports that adults have sought warm bodies to fill teams just for personal profit. Whether it be to have more funds to operate the team with, to cover fees for a more talented player, or to just have enough kids to fill a team for their own kid to be showcased, I have seen it all. We are a serious sports family but there are times it is OK to quit. We have never done it but I have seen situations where it is appropriate.

 

We are experiencing it on a travel baseball team this season. It happens all the time. 

[teachermom2834]

We are experiencing it on a travel baseball team this season. It happens all the time.

Travel baseball is ugly. Never would have believed the way adults lie and hurt kids over a kids' activity.

[wintermom]

I really do think it's worth giving the coach a chance to talk to you directly about his intentions for your dc. If you've trusted him enough to provide the initial lessons and recommendation for the group, let him explain this current situation in person. Tennis pros, if he is a certified pro, do have very specific tennis skills and knowledge to teach all levels and ages of players in a professional manner. Unless you have serious concerns about the safely of your dc, I'd see what he recommends. 

 

[FaithManor]

Well, now you've met one through me. We've stayed on teams -- basketball -- where my kids were far from being the best.

 

The boys learned and developed. We went to every game, every practice. Come to think of it, same with a soccer team. Every practice, every game.

 

I love watching my kids play whether they have awesome skills or not.

 

But this has been a ridiculous situation. I really do think the coach needed bodies.

 

Alley

(((HUGS)))

 

I am sorry. We saw that locally with a pee wee football coach. He needed to make a team and took very undersized children who were old enough to play, but where the size mismatch would be dangerous, just to have enough bodies and some children were badly injured.

 

There are some great coaches out there, and then there are mediocre, and then there are the self serving jerks, and that last group is the group that makes the other coaches look bad, and causes parents to question their every decision.

 

Sigh...

 

It would be nice if everyone who worked with children in these roles care about the children. I am saying this as the mom who made her daughter stick out most of a season on a soccer team while chewing my nails about the decision the entire time wondering if I'd done her more harm then good, putting the team well being ahead of her. We try to role model following through with commitments, but after the second time being put back into the game with an obvious concussion and arguing with the coach about getting her off the field for much needed medical attention, I lost my cool completely and after a few hours in the ER never went back.

 

It is very difficult to determine where the line is.

[MysteryJen]

Sometimes you need to leave a team. It is hard and generally always causes hurt feelings. In the OP's case, I would stick it out because, it is not a huge amount of money and her kids can play (not sitting on the bench watching others play).

 

But sometimes you need to leave a team for lots of different reasons (athletic reasons, coaching, personal) and usually you will leave someone in the lurch. Sometimes you can gut it out to the end of the season, but in some sports, there is really not an end, but a seamless series of competition and practice. Then, you just need to go when it is time, knowing that it will be a little messy for everyone.

[Bluegoat]

When the going gets tough: Quit!

 

Lousy life-lesson.

 

Bill

 

No, when you end up, by mistake, competeing at the wrong level, or taking a class at the wrong level, you correct and move to a more appropriate level. 

 

Having kids playing competitively against older, more experienced kids, so far it seems without any extra coaching, isn't safe.  There are a suprising number of injuries in tennis, it isn't a benign safe sport. 

 

Common sense people see that there is a lack of fit and work to fix it.  Maybe the coach will offer more instruction - if not, staying on the team is unsafe, and not really good for anyone.  And if the coach is desperate to make up numbers, he was either being disingenuous  - there is no  need to offer loyalty on false premises - or he was mistaken in which case he, as a good coach, should work for a solution.

 

I'm all for taking commitments seriously and showing respect for the people you are working with.  This loyalty to the team business, though, when it is trotted out that way, seems so often to lead to bad things - people putting up with dangerous or otherwise inappropriate situations.  It seems to be that way every place I have encountered that rhetoric, be it sports teams or the military or even in the workforce.

Edited March 16, 2016 by Bluegoat

[Reefgazer]

One way to look at it:  The way to get better at a sport is to play against someone who is better than you are. 

 

I dunno...I'm not a fan of forcing extracurriculars on a kid what doesn't want them, for whatever reason.  It's a good way to destroy the love of the game.  But can you discuss this with your kids and explain that this is their chance to get better at the game, and the team needs them, and ask if they would be willing to finish out the season and do their best?  If they'll go for it, that's good.  If they really hate it, though, I'd let them quit; this set-up was ultimately the coaches fault for misleading them in the hopes of gathering up a few warm bodies to play above level.

 

ETA:  I liked a previous poster's suggestion of asking for extra coaching to improve.  Win-win for everyone that way.

Keeping story short.

 

My kids, 12, are beginners at tennis. They've had lessons, but no matter how you cut it: they're beginners.

 

A coach/teacher taught a group tennis session for beginners that included my boys last fall and then again last winter. So he knows their skill level. (It's not high.)

 

In Feb., he invited my boys to be on a team where they'd practice on Wed. and play a match on Sat. I assumed that the kids on the team would be at the same level as my kids.

 

After three practices it's obvious that the kids are older than mine -- 14 and 15 -- and have been playing for years. My two are very embarrassed and don't want to continue.

 

Why did it take three practices to figure out? Apparently kids were coming and going in the beginning and my boys weren't 100 % sure who was on the team.

 

Now they're saying they'll lose every match because they're "out of the kids' league" (their words.)

 

The other thing that really bugs me is that the Wed. practice is just that: practice. My boys are saying that the coach doesn't seem to be instructing. More like he send kids to various courts and tells them to practice.

 

I paid the coach $220 total.

 

I emailed him last night saying that the team wasn't at the boys' skill level -- and the otherwise mild mannered sweet guy got a little touchy with me and said, "It will leave the team without enough players if Matt and Josh drop off the team completely now. There would only be 6 players, and team needs to have 6 players each match. Team will have to forfeit position if there are less than 6 players who can play that day."

 

So that's the bottom line: I think he needed two more warm bodies to make the team a "go" and he sold the idea to me. The bottom line is that the team is outside of my kids' skill level.

 

What would you do?

 

Alley

 

Edited March 16, 2016 by reefgazer

[wendy not in HI]

It looks like the majority of the hive is recommending to quit.  I just want to make a case for sticking with it.  

 

#1 tennis is a really expensive sport.  $220 for two kids for a season is actually a bargain.  I would not expect one on one coaching for that price during team practice.  My tennis kids have had individual coaching and team play. Team play time, while cheaper than coaching, is still crazy expensive.  It is not the same as lessons.  The coach is around and gives tips, but mostly sets up matches for kids to play each other and learn while playing.  Sometimes the practices will all focus on serves or on crazy games of hitting while kids run around the court, but mostly just learning to play a full game.  Often there is a team bracket that is established so the coach knows where to seat kids for tournaments.

 

#2 the stakes are pretty low for them.  The best part about being on an advanced tennis team for your inexperienced kids, is nothing really bad will happen - it's not like they are shrimps on an oversized football team just waiting to get creamed!  They will play tennis.  They will lose, but they may learn some great skills on the way.  Their serves may get better.  They will learn to react quicker.  The coach will hopefully see where they need to improve and suggest drills to work on those skills.  Most tournaments have a few kids who are beginners, and hopefully your kids will be paired up with some kids who also need to improve.  Not every 8 year old is a tennis pro, but some are, so watch out for those tiny kids, too! 

 

#3 maybe your coach needed some warm bodies, or maybe he is giving your kids a great opportunity to play!  It sounds like you have worked with him before.  I imagine he has lots of tennis levels from beginning kids to experienced adults.  One of his jobs is probably filling teams.  Adults teams to teen teams to kid teams.  Your kids have played a little before.  They seemed to enjoy it.  You may have expressed an interest in having them play more - he made that opportunity available to you.  It is a big jump from lessons to games.  It may be a rough couple of tournaments, but I don't see the harm in that.  It will probably be a reach for your kids, but they will really learn fast!!  This is where tennis gets really fun!! (just remember not to really cheer from the side - tennis is a quiet sport - soooo hard!!!)

 

I think tennis is more like violin lessons than soccer.  It really takes time and daily practice to improve.  Small posture issues and wrist movements can make the difference between great and terrible!  Your kids have the opportunity, if you decide to keep with it, to play a lot of tennis.  This season may not be their best, but they will learn and by the time they are in high school, they could be really great!!

[Tanaqui]

When the going gets tough: Quit!

 

Lousy life-lesson.

 

Bill

 

Works for me. Once you've already wasted your money, why waste your time as well?

[Spy Car]

The best way to get better in a game like tennis is to face tough competition.

 

This isn't like pitting mis-matched football players against one another.

 

Bill

[snowbeltmom]

One way to look at it:  The way to get better at a sport is to play against someone who is better than you are. 

 

 

It sounds like the OP's kids are not close in ability level to the other players on the team.  In this situation, the OP's kids will not get better by playing their teammates. 

 

When someone starts out in tennis, he needs to develop proper form and power.  The best way to develop this skill is by playing other players at the same level.  Playing against more advanced players who hit the ball harder will be detrimental to developing proper form and learning how to generate power. 

 

OP, if your kids are interested in playing tennis, check out the USTA website.  Players can sign up as individuals for local tournaments that are in your area.  They have different age brackets that you can register for. 

 

[wintermom]

It looks like the majority of the hive is recommending to quit.  I just want to make a case for sticking with it.  

 

#1 tennis is a really expensive sport.  $220 for two kids for a season is actually a bargain.  I would not expect one on one coaching for that price during team practice.  My tennis kids have had individual coaching and team play. Team play time, while cheaper than coaching, is still crazy expensive.  It is not the same as lessons.  The coach is around and gives tips, but mostly sets up matches for kids to play each other and learn while playing.  Sometimes the practices will all focus on serves or on crazy games of hitting while kids run around the court, but mostly just learning to play a full game.  Often there is a team bracket that is established so the coach knows where to seat kids for tournaments.

 

#2 the stakes are pretty low for them.  The best part about being on an advanced tennis team for your inexperienced kids, is nothing really bad will happen - it's not like they are shrimps on an oversized football team just waiting to get creamed!  They will play tennis.  They will lose, but they may learn some great skills on the way.  Their serves may get better.  They will learn to react quicker.  The coach will hopefully see where they need to improve and suggest drills to work on those skills.  Most tournaments have a few kids who are beginners, and hopefully your kids will be paired up with some kids who also need to improve.  Not every 8 year old is a tennis pro, but some are, so watch out for those tiny kids, too! 

 

#3 maybe your coach needed some warm bodies, or maybe he is giving your kids a great opportunity to play!  It sounds like you have worked with him before.  I imagine he has lots of tennis levels from beginning kids to experienced adults.  One of his jobs is probably filling teams.  Adults teams to teen teams to kid teams.  Your kids have played a little before.  They seemed to enjoy it.  You may have expressed an interest in having them play more - he made that opportunity available to you.  It is a big jump from lessons to games.  It may be a rough couple of tournaments, but I don't see the harm in that.  It will probably be a reach for your kids, but they will really learn fast!!  This is where tennis gets really fun!! (just remember not to really cheer from the side - tennis is a quiet sport - soooo hard!!!)

 

I think tennis is more like violin lessons than soccer.  It really takes time and daily practice to improve.  Small posture issues and wrist movements can make the difference between great and terrible!  Your kids have the opportunity, if you decide to keep with it, to play a lot of tennis.  This season may not be their best, but they will learn and by the time they are in high school, they could be really great!!

 

For the long-term plan of tennis in the OP's family, whether they decide to stick with this program or not, I'd definitely recommend continuing with tennis.

 

Tennis definitely can by an expensive sport, but it can also be one of the cheapest. It really depends on where you play. Some clubs are very expensive, and paying for lessons is always going to have a cost. However, there are lots of free, public courts available, and a can of balls ($3) and inexpensive racket ($20), and someone to play with, is all one player really needs to get out there and smack the balls around. Heck, if there's a practice wall you don't even need another warm body. 

 

Also, tennis is an amazing life-long sport with very low levels of injury (usually repetitive motions). There is no physical contact with other players, it allows for a wonderful upper and lower body work-out. You can safely play right up into your 70s and 80s, and many, many people do. It's also quite social and good fun. Knowing you are going to get out and play with friends is much more motivating than going all alone to a gym.

 

Edited March 16, 2016 by wintermom

[Ausmumof3]

Didn't follow the whole discussion. I was a younger player on an older team and I think I improved faster because of it. There were two things that helped though - one was that I wasn't totally new so I already had a love for the game and the other was that the coach spent a significant amount of time coaching. I think this situation could actually be beneficial to your kids if you can get the coach to step up to the mark and then you won't be letting the other players down. It's not their fault that the coach misled you. Nor is it yours but if a win win situation can work out that would be better.

[Tanaqui]

The best way to get better in a game like tennis is to face tough competition.

 

The best way to get better in anything is to face conditions slightly harder than you're able to do right now, it's the zone of proximal development. They're not in that zone, it sounds like, they're in the "zone of omg no".

 

[Tsuga]

When the going gets tough: Quit!

 

Lousy life-lesson.

 

Bill

 

Supposed you signed your kid up for pre-algebra, and it turned out the class was geometry. Would you think that was a good use of money, if your kid didn't have pre-algebra?

 

There may not be a refund (likely, the coach put that into the big pool and insurance) but I completely disagree that leaving a children's learner-level sports team is the same as quitting a competitive team. They didn't ask to be on an elite team and he didn't sell that. He was trying to make it something it wasn't for his own benefit. Like I said, I can see both sides, but I completely disagree that this is the same as quitting. I don't let my kids quit. But if they signed up for something to learn new skills and those skills weren't taught, I'd take them out.

 

 

 

There were two things that helped though - one was that I wasn't totally new so I already had a love for the game and the other was that the coach spent a significant amount of time coaching.

 

Yeah, if you aren't a beginner, it's different. One level up or even two is fine.

 

I could go either way with this and it's not a black and white situation, but I don't agree that it's always good, either. It depends a LOT on the kids' skills and mindset and if the mindset still needs to be built up, just loss after loss won't necessarily help.

[Spy Car]

Supposed you signed your kid up for pre-algebra, and it turned out the class was geometry. Would you think that was a good use of money, if your kid didn't have pre-algebra?

 

 

 

First, a class isn't the same as joining a team.

 

Second. As it happens, my kid participates in a math club at school. As 6th Graders some of the material is aimed at kids who have studied through Geometry (when he's in Pre-A). He goes, despite it being hard sometimes (and his needing to "play up"). He (unsurprisingly) did not make the "math team" (with-in the club) that will do Math Counts competition this year, but he's getting stronger by choosing to participate.

 

We had a similar situation in sports. There turned not to be enough players for us to have a U9 team when he started playing lacrosse. So at 8 he played on a team of mostly 9 and 10 year-olds. He had a great season, and has enjoyed the sport since.

 

 

There may not be a refund (likely, the coach put that into the big pool and insurance) but I completely disagree that leaving a children's learner-level sports team is the same as quitting a competitive team.

 

Leaving teams leaves them in the lurch is they don't have enough player to compete. That's true at any level from elite sports to rec. league.

 

Every organization I know has to play for things like court space. At $110 for practices and game space for a season I bet this coach is making nothing after expenses. 

 

 

They didn't ask to be on an elite team and he didn't sell that. He was trying to make it something it wasn't for his own benefit.

 

Coaches who are only in it for themselves recruit highly-promising players (to make themselves look good), not "warm-bodies" or low-skilled players. Providing opportunities to beginners is rarely the sign of a coach who has his or her priorities backwards. 

 

 

Like I said, I can see both sides, but I completely disagree that this is the same as quitting. I don't let my kids quit. But if they signed up for something to learn new skills and those skills weren't taught, I'd take them out.

 

I think it is quitting.

 

 

Yeah, if you aren't a beginner, it's different. One level up or even two is fine.

I could go either way with this and it's not a black and white situation, but I don't agree that it's always good, either. It depends a LOT on the kids' skills and mindset and if the mindset still needs to be built up, just loss after loss won't necessarily help.

 

Everyone has to start somewhere. and we're talking about tennis. The only thing likely to get hurt is one's pride. Get past that, work hard, and its possible to grow in a program that is giving new players a change to compete.

 

Bill

Edited March 17, 2016 by Spy Car

[maize]

I would be inclined to have my kids continue on the team, but I would first have a discussion with the coach about what kind of teaching they would be receiving and make it clear that I expect real instruction during their practice time. If there were agreement on that, I'd go forward. Practice without instruction is not going to get them anywhere.

[LMD]

The coach showed his hand, he needs your kids. What would make it worth it for you and your boys to stay, realistically? I'd put those conditions to him and open a negotiation. And I'd have no qualms about it.

How long is the season?